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Cutie Unmarked
“Excuse me. It's, uh, Apple Boom, right?”
Apple Bloom turned her head towards the unfamiliar voice, her school bag swinging in her teeth. “Apple Boom,” she corrected. After a brief pause she realized she'd flubbed it, then spit the strap out of her mouth and let her bag fall to the ground. “My name is Apple Bloom. And you're…”
A pegasus filly peeked around the corner of the schoolhouse. “I’m Magnet. Do you know what my cutie mark is?”
“Uh…” Apple Bloom pursed her lips and tried to recall who this filly was. She had bright eyes hidden behind a messy dark brown mane. She’d moved to Ponyville maybe a month ago, but Apple Bloom’s Crusader duties kept her busy. There hadn’t been time to get to know the newcomer. “Your cutie mark is a…”
Apple Bloom’s mouth hung open, and she shook her head. Nothing came to mind, and her cheeks heated up. “Er, sorry, I guess I forgot.” Not the best impression for a Crusader.
Magnet let out a wail and fell to her knees. “Come on, please? You’re a Cutie Mark Crusader, right? Don’t you remember?”
Apple Bloom blinked, then walked around the corner to get a better look. The filly’s cream-colored coat held no adornments of any sort. “Oh, you’re looking to get your cutie mark. Well, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, after all. We can definitely help.”
“It's not like that.” Magnet buried her face in her hooves. Her eyes watered, and Apple Bloom realized she was about to cry.
“And by we, I guess I just mean me. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are both out of town doing stuff with their families.” Apple Bloom stepped closer, then held out a hoof. “Come on now, it ain't so bad. Let's just talk about it, alright?”
Magnet sniffed, then accepted the hoof and pulled herself up. She looked back to her empty hindquarters and winced. “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you. Nopony does.”
“I’ll listen to whatever it is you have to say. I can promise that much, or my name isn’t Apple Bloom.” Foals and fillies on their way home from class passed by them, chatting excitedly.
“I already have my cutie mark.”
Apple Bloom stared at her flank. She reached out a hoof and poked where the cutie mark would be. Just a regular coat, no painted over cutie mark or anything like that. “Uh, I ain’t saying I don’t believe you, but I ain’t sure I’m following what you mean.”
“I had a cutie mark! But now it’s gone, and I can’t even remember what it was!” Magnet jumped into the air, pumping her wings and flying in circles. “Nopony can remember me ever having one, and Mom and Dad tell me I'm just being silly. But I know it was there! I just know!”
“Whoa there.” Apple Bloom jumped up, grabbed Magnet’s tail with her teeth, and pulled her back to the ground. “Just calm down. I don't know anything that could make a cutie mark vanish like that off of the top of my head, but I'm sure it's not impossible.”
Magnet took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I just… everything feels so wrong.”
Apple Bloom tapped a hoof on the ground several times. “Alright. Mystery of the missing cutie mark. Weird, but I guess it counts as crusading. I can do my best to help, if you’re okay with just me.”
“You’ll really help?”
“Your cutie mark found, or your money back!” Apple Bloom puffed out her chest, grinning widely. After several moments without a response, she muttered, “I’m just kidding, we don’t actually charge nothing. Although maybe we should…”
Magnet returned a shy smile, a missing tooth making the expression a bit lopsided. “Thanks…”
Apple Bloom could practically see some of her tension melting away. “So. Missing cutie mark. You really have no idea or clue about what it used to be?”
Magnet shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
Apple Bloom nodded. “Alright then, let’s go to your place. I want to see something.”
“My place? Uh, if you think that’ll help, sure.” Magnet took a deep breath, stood up a bit straighter, and led the way into town.
Apple Bloom stayed silent for most of the trip, the gears turning in her head. She'd seen plenty of weird stuff that could mess with cutie marks in the past. Temporary ones from Twilight's magic. The Heart’s Desire brew from Zecora. Applejack had shared the story of Starlight Glimmer’s cutie mark shenanigans, though she suspected that story had been abridged. And then there were her own nightmares, set straight by Luna.
“You been having weird dreams involving Princess Luna? Before I got my cutie mark, I’d occasionally wake up knowing I'd had a cutie mark in my dreams. Always felt like I'd lost something.”
Magnet glanced back at her, then shook her head. “Nope. No dreams. I know it was real.”
“Hmm.”
They rounded a corner, passed a fading wooden fence and climbed up the steps to the patio to a modest-looking building that could have been pretty much any other house in Ponyville. She could vaguely remember a “for sale” sign in the yard a few months ago. She’d had a conversation with Sweetie Belle wondering who the newcomers would be, but by the time the new family moved in, they’d gotten distracted with other things. When this was all over, she’d have to bring them some pie or something.
“Your parents home?” Apple Bloom stood aside and watched Magnet pull a key out from underneath a rock and unlock the front door.
“Nah. They’re both at work for a few more hours. Dad works on the weather team, and Mom works at the spa.”
Apple Bloom nodded. Her hoofsteps echoed against the wooden floor. The house seemed inviting enough, though it could never beat an Apple homestead. Everything was spotless, and the fresh smell of lemon cleaner tickled her nose.
Magnet rubbed at the back of her head with a hoof. “So, um, why are we here?”
“Just a hunch. If we’re going to find a missing cutie mark, we’re going to need to get some clues first. I wanna check out your room.” Apple Bloom paused at the fireplace. Pictures adorned the hearth: a proud Pegasus stallion, holding a gold medal at some competition in Cloudsdale; a framed article about a unicorn mare who’d saved the life of a drowning swimmer. “These your parents? They sound pretty cool.”
“Yeah! My mom and dad are awesome!” Magnet beamed and pranced about a little bit. “Dad used to win a whole bunch of racing competitions, and Mom is the best swimmer I’ve ever seen. She’s saved a ton of lives!”
Apple Bloom briefly considered bragging about her sister’s accomplishments, but decided against it. “ Impressive. They still get to do that stuff from Ponyville?”
Magnet winced. “Well, not so much since we moved… Anyway, my room is upstairs.”
“Y’all moved in what, a month ago?” Apple Bloom followed her into her room. There weren't a lot of decorations yet, but a full bookshelf suggested a healthy love of reading.
“Yeah. Ponyville is nice, I guess.” Magnet jumped onto her bed and peered down at Apple Bloom from above.
Apple Bloom found a stack of notebooks on the desk, then began leafing through them. Homework, diary entries. A few crude doodles.
“H-hey!” Magnet flew over to the desk and stomped one of the journals shut. “You can't just look at my stuff like that! It's private!”
Apple Bloom stepped back and took a deep breath. “You wanna know what the… well, not the first, or even the second or third, but something I did pretty early after getting my cutie mark?”
Magnet tilted her head to the side. “Huh?”
“I drew my new cutie mark. Dozens of times, until I could get it just right. I mean, I'm a Crusader, and we had a lot of banners and stuff that needed updating, but most ponies I talked to did something similar.” Apple Bloom tapped the journal in question. “But I can’t find anything like that in here.”
“So, what?” Magnet huffed and looked away. “You really don't believe me then?”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “I never said that. If you’d written it down somewhere, we’d know what your cutie mark is supposed to be, and then we’d have a lead to go on. And I'm not convinced my hunch is wrong. Look, there's some pages torn out here.”
Magnet leaned in close to look at the missing pages. “I don’t remember doing that.”
It took maybe fifteen minutes for Apple Bloom to scour the rest of the room for any evidence. Lots of romance novels, although not the fun kind Rarity kept hidden under the bed. Some awkward arts and crafts stuffed into boxes in a closet. A few baby photos that Magnet immediately stole away and hid. Nothing that would lead her to a missing cutie mark. “Alright, time for part two.”
Magnet perked up. “What's part two?”
“We ask an expert. Your cutie mark is gone, and that just don't happen without some spooky magic thing. We've got a bunch to choose from. Princess Twilight. Starlight Glimmer. Zecora. Maybe even Princess Luna or Discord.”
“You really know all those ponies?” Magnet asked, eyes wide.
Apple Bloom couldn't help but grin. “Eyup. Twilight’s the closest, so we might as well start with her.”
“Hmm.”
Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer circled around Magnet, inspecting the poor filly up and down.
Magnet, to her credit, didn’t run away. Though the wide eyes and shivering certainly suggested this wasn’t the kind of help she’d been expecting.
“Well?” Apple Bloom tapped a hoof on the hard crystal floor. “Is something wrong? Is it some kinda weird magic?”
“First a griffon who wants a cutie mark, and now this. You girls really are getting quite the impressive repertoire of cases.” Twilight turned to flash Apple Bloom a brief grin, before she lit up her horn, and a soft purple light enveloped Magnet. “Tell me, when did you first start noticing this… let’s call it, ‘Phantom Mark’ sensation?”
“Actually,” Starlight Glimmer said, her nose turned up, “‘Phantom Cutie Mark’ was the name given to a rare disease involving infected cutie marks that surfaced about seventy years ago and was quickly wiped out. This doesn’t have any of the same symptoms though, so we can probably rule it out.”
Twilight pursed her lips and glowered at Starlight for a moment before shaking her head. “Well, regardless of what we call it, the question stands.”
“I, uh.” Magnet tried to stay focused on Twilight, but her eyes kept darting back towards Starlight. She licked her lips. “A week ago, maybe? At least, that’s when everything started feeling wrong. I didn’t realize that it was my cutie mark until later.”
“I see, I see.” Twilight pulled a scroll off of a nearby bookshelf and began scribbling furiously. “Did anything happen to kickstart this sensation? Some big momentous change in your life, or something traumatic?”
Magnet took a deep breath, her ears flat. “No, nothing like that. I mean, I moved to Ponyville about a month ago, but that’s it.”
Twilight nodded, then wandered off and started sorting through books on her shelves.
Apple Bloom took the chance to move in close and lay a hoof on Magnet’s shoulder. “Where were you at before, anyway?”
“I lived with my Mom in Mareami. We lived near the beach, it was pretty awesome!” She smiled, her shoulders sagging. “I visited Dad in Cloudsdale maybe once a month too.”
“Cool. I made it to the Mareami Apple Family reunion once when I was younger. The gemstone shores are amazing!”
Magnet giggled. “It gets to be pretty normal after a while, but I loved the look tourists had when they first showed up.”
Twilight cleared her throat and stepped in close once more, a book floating behind her. “You didn’t have an unfortunate encounter with Tirek, or somepony else who drained your magic, did you? There’s not a lot I can think of that can take a pony’s cutie mark away from them.”
Starlight coughed, color rising to her cheeks.
“Yes yes, I was getting to that. I want to try this one first.” Twilight’s horn lit up and zapped Magnet’s flank with a quick spark.
Magnet leapt into the air like she’d just been bitten. “Ow! That hurts!”
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t bring her here so you could just mess around like that, Twilight!”
Twilight frowned. “That’s odd. There shouldn’t be any pain. That was the same spell I once used on you, Apple Bloom, when you asked me to give you a cutie mark with magic. But it looks like it didn’t even have a temporary effect. Starlight, can you try your cutie mark removal spell?”
Starlight’s eyes widened. “I, uh, Twilight, I’m not sure if I should be using that. That’s not a road I want to go down again.”
“Wait, you can remove cutie marks?” Magnet turned towards Starlight, her tone vaguely accusatory.
“What? I mean, yeah, kind of. But I don’t even know you, and I promised I’d never use that spell again.” Starlight took a step back, then shook her head. “Besides, it’s not really even a removal spell. It’s a dampener combined with a replacement spell. There’s a big difference.”
Twilight spread her wings and puffed out her chest a little. “For the sake of science, I give you permission to use it. The effect can always be reversed.”
Magnet whimpered.
Apple Bloom squeezed her hoof and did her best to offer a reassuring smile.
Starlight took a deep breath. “Okay. Here we go.” Emerald magic flowed from her horn, enveloped Magnet, and lifted her off the ground.
Magnet screamed, her body convulsing.
The magic imploded and Starlight rushed forward to catch Magnet. “I’m so sorry! It’s not supposed to do that!”
“Are you alright?” Apple Bloom’s gut roiled, and she wondered if bringing Magnet here had been a mistake. If she’d had the other crusaders with her, would they have tried something less likely to get Magnet hurt?
“I… I’m okay.” Magnet sniffed, then ducked to hide behind Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom turned to glare at the princess and her student.
Starlight Glimmer winced. “The spell… it didn’t work. It felt like something was blocking it. I think there really is strange magic going on here.”
Twilight frowned and rubbed at her chin. “This warrants further study… but it seems as if our magic is hurting her. For now, I think I’m going to step back and do some research. In the meantime, I’d suggest seeking out Zecora. Her wisdom has an uncanny knack for getting to the bottom of things.”
“She was next on my list anyway,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Sorry, I guess this all turned out a bit more intense than I thought.”
“It’s fine. Really.” Magnet wiped at her eyes with a hoof, then stood back up. “I mean, everypony says you did some crazy stuff to try and get your cutie marks. How far would you go to get it back?”
Apple Bloom grinned. “Ain't nothing in all of Equestria that could get in my way.”
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
Apple Bloom pushed a large frond out of their way, then helped Magnet step over a gnarled root. “It ain’t much further, I promise. This part of the Everfree is totally safe, and I’ve come out here hundreds of times. If anyone can get to the bottom of this mess, it’s going to be Zecora.”
Magnet pursed her lips together. “I’ve never met a Zebra before.”
“Really?” Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow. “I thought Mareami attracted tourists from all over the place. Surely you’ve seen a couple?”
“Well…” Magnet blushed and looked away. “I’ve seen some, from a distance. Just never actually met one.”
“Ah.” They continued on in silence for several more minutes, until Apple Bloom sighed. “You ever get to know Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo at all? I know we ain't talked much before this, but…”
Magnet tilted her head to the side, then flashed a quick smile. “No, I've barely talked to either of them. Sorry. Um, the three of you seem really close, though. Everyone in class says lots of nice stuff about you.”
Apple Bloom felt her cheeks burning, and she cleared her throat. “I think they’d love this case. It's a shame. I'm… kind of worried. We're a team, and I might not actually be able to do this on my own.”
“I'm really glad you're trying anyway. Thanks.”
Magnet bumped into something, then screamed. She took off into the air, pumping her wings as fast as she could.
Apple Bloom sighed, then jumped up and pulled her down by the tail again. “You ain't the bravest pony I ever met,” she grumbled through clenched teeth.
A painted wooden mask hung down on a vine, swinging gently back and forth.
Magnet took several deep breaths, her eyes darting back and forth. “You sure this is okay? I mean, the princess was already super scary.”
“She ain't that scary. Just… enthusiastic.”
“Is that intruders I hear, acting very silly? Or is it the sweet voice of my favorite little filly?”
Magnet shrieked again and dove to hide under Apple Bloom’s legs.
“Hey Zecora. Good to see ya.” Apple Bloom raised a hoof and waved. Even just seeing Zecora out here made her feel better somehow. She’d know exactly how to fix this.
Zecora crouched down to meet Magnet’s gaze. She smiled with all of her usual warmth. “I am sorry, little one, if you find my presence frightening. If you stay awhile, you may find the experience enlightening.”
Magnet blinked several times, her cheeks a rosy red. “Sorry. Apple Bloom is right, I'm not very brave. Um, hello. You're Miss Zecora, right? I'm Magnet. Can you help me find my cutie mark?”
“Your cutie mark?” Zecora raised an eyebrow at Apple Bloom. “I thought that this was your specialty now. Surely you have not forgotten—”
Apple Bloom cut her off with a raised hoof. “It ain't like that. She had a cutie mark before, but it's gone, and she can't remember what it is, and neither can anypony else. Twilight and Starlight definitely think there's some sort of magic going on.”
Zecora’s expression darkened. “I see. This sounds like a malady I might know. A spirit affliction that won't let you grow.”
Magnet’s eyes sparkled. “You can fix me?”
“I cannot fix you, at least, that is not the term I would use.” Zecora turned around and led them towards her hut. “ If you do not have the courage to face yourself, you will lose. I can provide the means and the power, but you must be strong and you must not cower.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” Magnet picked up her pace, scurrying to catch up.
Apple Bloom scratched her head, lips pursed. “You saying this ain't just a ‘fix up a potion’ problem?”
Zecora pushed open her door, the hinges squeaking as they slipped past. Candles flickered and dimmed in the normally homely cottage. The wind picked up outside, rattling the trees.
Magnet shivered. “Um, your home is very lovely.”
“There are spirits in everything, little ones.” Zecora pulled a pinch of dust from a nearby jar. She dipped it in her cauldron, then blew it onto Magnet.
Magnet coughed and sneezed, then froze. Something shimmered in the air, a phantasmal shape extending around her frail body.
“They are in blade of grass, every rock, every tree. Spirits of love and friendship and laughter and glee. Most are small things, tiny sparks of little note. But some grow larger; this one is attached to your coat.”
Apple Bloom tried her best to figure just what she was looking at on Magnet, but Zecora’s dust began to lose its effect, and it became harder and harder to wrap her head around. “You’re saying, that, what, she’s got a spirit on her or something? And it ate her cutie mark?”
Magnet twisted about, trying to look at her flank. “Well I want it back!”
Zecora shook her head. “Your cutie mark was not eaten. Merely obscured from pony mind and eye. All it takes is a request, worded politely; all you must do is try.”
“Um, okay?” Magnet took a deep breath. “Please give me my cutie mark back, mister spirit!”
Nothing happened. Wind rattled the shutters, and Magnet jumped.
Apple Bloom turned to Zecora. “Now when you say ‘only,’ I’m guessing you mean there’s some sorta ritual involved too?”
Zecora chuckled. “It cannot hear or understand our pleas for help. But with the right admixture… Apple Bloom, can you pass me that kelp?”
“Sure thing!” Apple Bloom climbed up to the top shelf where she pulled down a sealed container. “Don’t worry, Magnet. I’m pretty good at potions and stuff too. We’ll ask the spirit nicely, and you’ll be all cutie marked up again in no time!”
Magnet sat down and watched the two alchemists create their brew. The flickering light of the candles and the fire under the cauldron cast eerie shadows over the walls.
Zecora leaned down to Apple Bloom and whispered, “There is something I think you must know. With a plea for help, the spirit will go. But in the first place, the spirit only comes when asked. Your friend hides a reason to lose her cutie mark in her past.”
Apple Bloom nearly swallowed the bag of herbs she held in her teeth. She glanced back at Magnet, then leaned in even closer. “Are you serious? She wanted a creepy spirit to take away her cutie mark? But why? She wants it back so badly…”
“I suspect the answer will become apparent soon enough. When the spirit leaves, she will remember, and she must be tough. She will reject her cutie mark once more, for her real problem is not resolved. It is where you come in, Apple Bloom. Help her through it; you must be involved.”
“I see.” Apple Bloom bit her lip. Helping ponies understand and accept their cutie marks was her special talent, after all. But this seemed like so much more, and she’d have to face it alone. “I ain’t gonna let her down.”
Apple Bloom ran her hoof down Magnet’s face, leaving behind a trail of stinky green mud in an odd pattern of concentric circles. “Alright, that should about do it.”
She stepped back. A ring of candles burned low around Magnet. Zecora chanted rhythmically, in a language Apple Bloom couldn’t understand, and she wandered about the hut, a smoking container of incense dangling from her teeth.
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
“I know.” Apple Bloom took a deep breath and gave her best smile. “We’re gonna do the best we can for you, alright? You just gotta be brave, then ask for your cutie mark back.”
Magnet squeezed her eyes shut. “Okay. I’m ready.”
Zecora nodded, then began stomping her hooves, her chanting increasing in volume. A wind stirred in the room, one of the candles blowing out.
Apple Bloom pulled out a hoofful of dust and threw it into the air. Iridescent patterns of fractured light scattered about the room. The vague shape of the spirit wrapped around Magnet came into focus once more. “Oh wise spirit. We ask you to listen to this filly’s request as earnestly as you can.”
A strange sensation pulsed through the room. Chills ran all the way down Apple Bloom’s body, and her ears felt stuffed full of cotton. The ephemeral form began to shift and stir, and an insectoid skittering echoed throughout the room.
Magnet seemed to be muttering something to herself under her breath. Her eyes still closed, she managed to squeak out a barely audible “P-please give me my cutie mark back!”
A raspy voice, sounding almost like laughter, scratched its way through Apple Bloom’s brain. The spirit began to slither and twist, and it slid onto the floor and up onto the wall, the shadows in the room dancing furiously with every movement.
Like water running off of her back, Magnet’s cutie mark came into view, a plus and a minus sign separated by a slash.
It felt like Apple Bloom’s brain was being washed clean, because she suddenly remembered seeing Magnet’s cutie mark the first day she had walked into class a month ago.
Magnet’s eyes lit up, and she squealed with foalish delight. “It’s back! Everything’s back. I got my cutie mark! My special talent is bringing ponies together! I finally got Mom and Dad to…”
Zecora continued chanting, and the atmosphere in the room seemed to darken even further.
“Mom and Dad, they’re…” Magnet’s eyes grew distant, and she slumped to the ground. “No… I don’t want this cutie mark. All it did was hurt them!”
The spirit above them picked up speed, and Apple Bloom sensed a strange hunger from it. “Magnet,” she said, taking a step forward. “Come on now. You’ve come this far to get your cutie mark. It’s a part of who you are, and you’ll never be complete without it! Bringing ponies together is a great special talent!”
“But it’s not!” Magnet screamed. She took a step back, knocking over one of the candles. “What’s the point of bringing ponies together if they were happier apart? They can’t do what they love here. I don’t want this stupid talent. Take it back!”
“No!” Apple Bloom shouted.
A shriek thundered through her skull, and the spirit manifested fully, a long and horribly segmented centipedal creature. It had a freakishly equine face, made all the more horrifying by the multifaceted eyes and alien jaw. It lunged down at Magnet, mandibles wide.
Apple Bloom tackled the spirit out of the air, pinning it to the ground. It writhed and thrashed, and she quickly realized its strength far outclassed her own.
“Apple Bloom, do not!” Zecora broke out of her trance, her coat matted with sweat. “Do not stand in the spirit's way, it’s too dangerous!”
“Magnet, you gotta listen! You think your mom and dad were happier apart, and maybe they were! But I’m sure they both love you, and your special talent didn’t force them to do anything. They’re the ones who made the decision to make whatever compromise they needed to for your sake! You can’t just throw that away and pretend it never happened!”
The candle flames shifted to an angry blue hue, and their light reflected in the tears streaming down Magnet’s cheeks. “Compromise just means that the problem is solved and nopony is happy. Dad belongs in the sky. Mom belongs near the ocean. Coming to Ponyville was a mistake, and it’s all my fault!”
The spirit bucked and threw Apple Bloom across the cottage to crash into a shelf, various alchemical solutions raining down around her. A sharp pain shot up from her leg.
“Ugh…” She could see the spirit still circling, preparing to strike and start this whole mess over again. With a shake of her head, Apple Bloom stood up, barely able to stand. “Alright, fine, it’s your fault! You didn’t think everything through, and maybe now everypony is unhappy because of it. Deal with it! But if your special talent is bringing ponies together, then that ain’t wrong! If your parents aren’t happy, try harder! Tell them how you feel, and you can all work together to find a better solution!”
“But… but I’m scared!”
The spirit roared and it dove down on Magnet once more.
A brilliant flash of light erupted through the room, the window and door blew open, and every candle snuffed out in a rush of energy.
When the dust settled, Magnet sat in the corner in the darkness, sobbing on the floor.
Apple Bloom limped over to her and threw her arms around her neck. “I know you’re scared. You just gotta be strong, alright?”
Moonlight streamed in through the now-open window, falling on Magnet’s still-intact cutie mark.
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
Warm lights shone inside from the windows of Magnet’s home. Apple Bloom put a hoof on her shoulder. “You want me to go in there with you?”
Magnet turned, smiled broadly, and wrapped her arms around Apple Bloom. “No, I think I can handle this one. Thanks for everything.”
Apple Bloom stepped back, and watched her go.
Magnet made it as far as the door before she looked back and winced. “Um, maybe I do?”
“Alright, no worries.” Apple Bloom chuckled and followed Magnet inside.
“Oh hey champ. You’re late.” A well muscled brown stallion looked up from the newspaper he was reading. “Who’s this filly? A new friend? Is she staying for dinner?”
An azure unicorn poked her head out of the kitchen. “Goodness, darling, you’re filthy! Dinner’s almost ready, so you’d better get cleaned up. And please let us know if you’re bringing over company. You’re lucky I made extra.”
“Hi Mom. Hi Dad. This is my new friend, Apple Bloom. She, um, helped me out a lot today.” She fidgeted back and forth, then looked back to Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom smiled, and held up a hoof.
Magnet took a deep breath. “Can, I uh, talk to both of you about something?”
Apple Bloom turned her head towards the unfamiliar voice, her school bag swinging in her teeth. “Apple Boom,” she corrected. After a brief pause she realized she'd flubbed it, then spit the strap out of her mouth and let her bag fall to the ground. “My name is Apple Bloom. And you're…”
A pegasus filly peeked around the corner of the schoolhouse. “I’m Magnet. Do you know what my cutie mark is?”
“Uh…” Apple Bloom pursed her lips and tried to recall who this filly was. She had bright eyes hidden behind a messy dark brown mane. She’d moved to Ponyville maybe a month ago, but Apple Bloom’s Crusader duties kept her busy. There hadn’t been time to get to know the newcomer. “Your cutie mark is a…”
Apple Bloom’s mouth hung open, and she shook her head. Nothing came to mind, and her cheeks heated up. “Er, sorry, I guess I forgot.” Not the best impression for a Crusader.
Magnet let out a wail and fell to her knees. “Come on, please? You’re a Cutie Mark Crusader, right? Don’t you remember?”
Apple Bloom blinked, then walked around the corner to get a better look. The filly’s cream-colored coat held no adornments of any sort. “Oh, you’re looking to get your cutie mark. Well, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, after all. We can definitely help.”
“It's not like that.” Magnet buried her face in her hooves. Her eyes watered, and Apple Bloom realized she was about to cry.
“And by we, I guess I just mean me. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are both out of town doing stuff with their families.” Apple Bloom stepped closer, then held out a hoof. “Come on now, it ain't so bad. Let's just talk about it, alright?”
Magnet sniffed, then accepted the hoof and pulled herself up. She looked back to her empty hindquarters and winced. “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you. Nopony does.”
“I’ll listen to whatever it is you have to say. I can promise that much, or my name isn’t Apple Bloom.” Foals and fillies on their way home from class passed by them, chatting excitedly.
“I already have my cutie mark.”
Apple Bloom stared at her flank. She reached out a hoof and poked where the cutie mark would be. Just a regular coat, no painted over cutie mark or anything like that. “Uh, I ain’t saying I don’t believe you, but I ain’t sure I’m following what you mean.”
“I had a cutie mark! But now it’s gone, and I can’t even remember what it was!” Magnet jumped into the air, pumping her wings and flying in circles. “Nopony can remember me ever having one, and Mom and Dad tell me I'm just being silly. But I know it was there! I just know!”
“Whoa there.” Apple Bloom jumped up, grabbed Magnet’s tail with her teeth, and pulled her back to the ground. “Just calm down. I don't know anything that could make a cutie mark vanish like that off of the top of my head, but I'm sure it's not impossible.”
Magnet took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I just… everything feels so wrong.”
Apple Bloom tapped a hoof on the ground several times. “Alright. Mystery of the missing cutie mark. Weird, but I guess it counts as crusading. I can do my best to help, if you’re okay with just me.”
“You’ll really help?”
“Your cutie mark found, or your money back!” Apple Bloom puffed out her chest, grinning widely. After several moments without a response, she muttered, “I’m just kidding, we don’t actually charge nothing. Although maybe we should…”
Magnet returned a shy smile, a missing tooth making the expression a bit lopsided. “Thanks…”
Apple Bloom could practically see some of her tension melting away. “So. Missing cutie mark. You really have no idea or clue about what it used to be?”
Magnet shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
Apple Bloom nodded. “Alright then, let’s go to your place. I want to see something.”
“My place? Uh, if you think that’ll help, sure.” Magnet took a deep breath, stood up a bit straighter, and led the way into town.
Apple Bloom stayed silent for most of the trip, the gears turning in her head. She'd seen plenty of weird stuff that could mess with cutie marks in the past. Temporary ones from Twilight's magic. The Heart’s Desire brew from Zecora. Applejack had shared the story of Starlight Glimmer’s cutie mark shenanigans, though she suspected that story had been abridged. And then there were her own nightmares, set straight by Luna.
“You been having weird dreams involving Princess Luna? Before I got my cutie mark, I’d occasionally wake up knowing I'd had a cutie mark in my dreams. Always felt like I'd lost something.”
Magnet glanced back at her, then shook her head. “Nope. No dreams. I know it was real.”
“Hmm.”
They rounded a corner, passed a fading wooden fence and climbed up the steps to the patio to a modest-looking building that could have been pretty much any other house in Ponyville. She could vaguely remember a “for sale” sign in the yard a few months ago. She’d had a conversation with Sweetie Belle wondering who the newcomers would be, but by the time the new family moved in, they’d gotten distracted with other things. When this was all over, she’d have to bring them some pie or something.
“Your parents home?” Apple Bloom stood aside and watched Magnet pull a key out from underneath a rock and unlock the front door.
“Nah. They’re both at work for a few more hours. Dad works on the weather team, and Mom works at the spa.”
Apple Bloom nodded. Her hoofsteps echoed against the wooden floor. The house seemed inviting enough, though it could never beat an Apple homestead. Everything was spotless, and the fresh smell of lemon cleaner tickled her nose.
Magnet rubbed at the back of her head with a hoof. “So, um, why are we here?”
“Just a hunch. If we’re going to find a missing cutie mark, we’re going to need to get some clues first. I wanna check out your room.” Apple Bloom paused at the fireplace. Pictures adorned the hearth: a proud Pegasus stallion, holding a gold medal at some competition in Cloudsdale; a framed article about a unicorn mare who’d saved the life of a drowning swimmer. “These your parents? They sound pretty cool.”
“Yeah! My mom and dad are awesome!” Magnet beamed and pranced about a little bit. “Dad used to win a whole bunch of racing competitions, and Mom is the best swimmer I’ve ever seen. She’s saved a ton of lives!”
Apple Bloom briefly considered bragging about her sister’s accomplishments, but decided against it. “ Impressive. They still get to do that stuff from Ponyville?”
Magnet winced. “Well, not so much since we moved… Anyway, my room is upstairs.”
“Y’all moved in what, a month ago?” Apple Bloom followed her into her room. There weren't a lot of decorations yet, but a full bookshelf suggested a healthy love of reading.
“Yeah. Ponyville is nice, I guess.” Magnet jumped onto her bed and peered down at Apple Bloom from above.
Apple Bloom found a stack of notebooks on the desk, then began leafing through them. Homework, diary entries. A few crude doodles.
“H-hey!” Magnet flew over to the desk and stomped one of the journals shut. “You can't just look at my stuff like that! It's private!”
Apple Bloom stepped back and took a deep breath. “You wanna know what the… well, not the first, or even the second or third, but something I did pretty early after getting my cutie mark?”
Magnet tilted her head to the side. “Huh?”
“I drew my new cutie mark. Dozens of times, until I could get it just right. I mean, I'm a Crusader, and we had a lot of banners and stuff that needed updating, but most ponies I talked to did something similar.” Apple Bloom tapped the journal in question. “But I can’t find anything like that in here.”
“So, what?” Magnet huffed and looked away. “You really don't believe me then?”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “I never said that. If you’d written it down somewhere, we’d know what your cutie mark is supposed to be, and then we’d have a lead to go on. And I'm not convinced my hunch is wrong. Look, there's some pages torn out here.”
Magnet leaned in close to look at the missing pages. “I don’t remember doing that.”
It took maybe fifteen minutes for Apple Bloom to scour the rest of the room for any evidence. Lots of romance novels, although not the fun kind Rarity kept hidden under the bed. Some awkward arts and crafts stuffed into boxes in a closet. A few baby photos that Magnet immediately stole away and hid. Nothing that would lead her to a missing cutie mark. “Alright, time for part two.”
Magnet perked up. “What's part two?”
“We ask an expert. Your cutie mark is gone, and that just don't happen without some spooky magic thing. We've got a bunch to choose from. Princess Twilight. Starlight Glimmer. Zecora. Maybe even Princess Luna or Discord.”
“You really know all those ponies?” Magnet asked, eyes wide.
Apple Bloom couldn't help but grin. “Eyup. Twilight’s the closest, so we might as well start with her.”
“Hmm.”
Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer circled around Magnet, inspecting the poor filly up and down.
Magnet, to her credit, didn’t run away. Though the wide eyes and shivering certainly suggested this wasn’t the kind of help she’d been expecting.
“Well?” Apple Bloom tapped a hoof on the hard crystal floor. “Is something wrong? Is it some kinda weird magic?”
“First a griffon who wants a cutie mark, and now this. You girls really are getting quite the impressive repertoire of cases.” Twilight turned to flash Apple Bloom a brief grin, before she lit up her horn, and a soft purple light enveloped Magnet. “Tell me, when did you first start noticing this… let’s call it, ‘Phantom Mark’ sensation?”
“Actually,” Starlight Glimmer said, her nose turned up, “‘Phantom Cutie Mark’ was the name given to a rare disease involving infected cutie marks that surfaced about seventy years ago and was quickly wiped out. This doesn’t have any of the same symptoms though, so we can probably rule it out.”
Twilight pursed her lips and glowered at Starlight for a moment before shaking her head. “Well, regardless of what we call it, the question stands.”
“I, uh.” Magnet tried to stay focused on Twilight, but her eyes kept darting back towards Starlight. She licked her lips. “A week ago, maybe? At least, that’s when everything started feeling wrong. I didn’t realize that it was my cutie mark until later.”
“I see, I see.” Twilight pulled a scroll off of a nearby bookshelf and began scribbling furiously. “Did anything happen to kickstart this sensation? Some big momentous change in your life, or something traumatic?”
Magnet took a deep breath, her ears flat. “No, nothing like that. I mean, I moved to Ponyville about a month ago, but that’s it.”
Twilight nodded, then wandered off and started sorting through books on her shelves.
Apple Bloom took the chance to move in close and lay a hoof on Magnet’s shoulder. “Where were you at before, anyway?”
“I lived with my Mom in Mareami. We lived near the beach, it was pretty awesome!” She smiled, her shoulders sagging. “I visited Dad in Cloudsdale maybe once a month too.”
“Cool. I made it to the Mareami Apple Family reunion once when I was younger. The gemstone shores are amazing!”
Magnet giggled. “It gets to be pretty normal after a while, but I loved the look tourists had when they first showed up.”
Twilight cleared her throat and stepped in close once more, a book floating behind her. “You didn’t have an unfortunate encounter with Tirek, or somepony else who drained your magic, did you? There’s not a lot I can think of that can take a pony’s cutie mark away from them.”
Starlight coughed, color rising to her cheeks.
“Yes yes, I was getting to that. I want to try this one first.” Twilight’s horn lit up and zapped Magnet’s flank with a quick spark.
Magnet leapt into the air like she’d just been bitten. “Ow! That hurts!”
Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t bring her here so you could just mess around like that, Twilight!”
Twilight frowned. “That’s odd. There shouldn’t be any pain. That was the same spell I once used on you, Apple Bloom, when you asked me to give you a cutie mark with magic. But it looks like it didn’t even have a temporary effect. Starlight, can you try your cutie mark removal spell?”
Starlight’s eyes widened. “I, uh, Twilight, I’m not sure if I should be using that. That’s not a road I want to go down again.”
“Wait, you can remove cutie marks?” Magnet turned towards Starlight, her tone vaguely accusatory.
“What? I mean, yeah, kind of. But I don’t even know you, and I promised I’d never use that spell again.” Starlight took a step back, then shook her head. “Besides, it’s not really even a removal spell. It’s a dampener combined with a replacement spell. There’s a big difference.”
Twilight spread her wings and puffed out her chest a little. “For the sake of science, I give you permission to use it. The effect can always be reversed.”
Magnet whimpered.
Apple Bloom squeezed her hoof and did her best to offer a reassuring smile.
Starlight took a deep breath. “Okay. Here we go.” Emerald magic flowed from her horn, enveloped Magnet, and lifted her off the ground.
Magnet screamed, her body convulsing.
The magic imploded and Starlight rushed forward to catch Magnet. “I’m so sorry! It’s not supposed to do that!”
“Are you alright?” Apple Bloom’s gut roiled, and she wondered if bringing Magnet here had been a mistake. If she’d had the other crusaders with her, would they have tried something less likely to get Magnet hurt?
“I… I’m okay.” Magnet sniffed, then ducked to hide behind Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom turned to glare at the princess and her student.
Starlight Glimmer winced. “The spell… it didn’t work. It felt like something was blocking it. I think there really is strange magic going on here.”
Twilight frowned and rubbed at her chin. “This warrants further study… but it seems as if our magic is hurting her. For now, I think I’m going to step back and do some research. In the meantime, I’d suggest seeking out Zecora. Her wisdom has an uncanny knack for getting to the bottom of things.”
“She was next on my list anyway,” Apple Bloom muttered. “Sorry, I guess this all turned out a bit more intense than I thought.”
“It’s fine. Really.” Magnet wiped at her eyes with a hoof, then stood back up. “I mean, everypony says you did some crazy stuff to try and get your cutie marks. How far would you go to get it back?”
Apple Bloom grinned. “Ain't nothing in all of Equestria that could get in my way.”
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
Apple Bloom pushed a large frond out of their way, then helped Magnet step over a gnarled root. “It ain’t much further, I promise. This part of the Everfree is totally safe, and I’ve come out here hundreds of times. If anyone can get to the bottom of this mess, it’s going to be Zecora.”
Magnet pursed her lips together. “I’ve never met a Zebra before.”
“Really?” Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow. “I thought Mareami attracted tourists from all over the place. Surely you’ve seen a couple?”
“Well…” Magnet blushed and looked away. “I’ve seen some, from a distance. Just never actually met one.”
“Ah.” They continued on in silence for several more minutes, until Apple Bloom sighed. “You ever get to know Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo at all? I know we ain't talked much before this, but…”
Magnet tilted her head to the side, then flashed a quick smile. “No, I've barely talked to either of them. Sorry. Um, the three of you seem really close, though. Everyone in class says lots of nice stuff about you.”
Apple Bloom felt her cheeks burning, and she cleared her throat. “I think they’d love this case. It's a shame. I'm… kind of worried. We're a team, and I might not actually be able to do this on my own.”
“I'm really glad you're trying anyway. Thanks.”
Magnet bumped into something, then screamed. She took off into the air, pumping her wings as fast as she could.
Apple Bloom sighed, then jumped up and pulled her down by the tail again. “You ain't the bravest pony I ever met,” she grumbled through clenched teeth.
A painted wooden mask hung down on a vine, swinging gently back and forth.
Magnet took several deep breaths, her eyes darting back and forth. “You sure this is okay? I mean, the princess was already super scary.”
“She ain't that scary. Just… enthusiastic.”
“Is that intruders I hear, acting very silly? Or is it the sweet voice of my favorite little filly?”
Magnet shrieked again and dove to hide under Apple Bloom’s legs.
“Hey Zecora. Good to see ya.” Apple Bloom raised a hoof and waved. Even just seeing Zecora out here made her feel better somehow. She’d know exactly how to fix this.
Zecora crouched down to meet Magnet’s gaze. She smiled with all of her usual warmth. “I am sorry, little one, if you find my presence frightening. If you stay awhile, you may find the experience enlightening.”
Magnet blinked several times, her cheeks a rosy red. “Sorry. Apple Bloom is right, I'm not very brave. Um, hello. You're Miss Zecora, right? I'm Magnet. Can you help me find my cutie mark?”
“Your cutie mark?” Zecora raised an eyebrow at Apple Bloom. “I thought that this was your specialty now. Surely you have not forgotten—”
Apple Bloom cut her off with a raised hoof. “It ain't like that. She had a cutie mark before, but it's gone, and she can't remember what it is, and neither can anypony else. Twilight and Starlight definitely think there's some sort of magic going on.”
Zecora’s expression darkened. “I see. This sounds like a malady I might know. A spirit affliction that won't let you grow.”
Magnet’s eyes sparkled. “You can fix me?”
“I cannot fix you, at least, that is not the term I would use.” Zecora turned around and led them towards her hut. “ If you do not have the courage to face yourself, you will lose. I can provide the means and the power, but you must be strong and you must not cower.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” Magnet picked up her pace, scurrying to catch up.
Apple Bloom scratched her head, lips pursed. “You saying this ain't just a ‘fix up a potion’ problem?”
Zecora pushed open her door, the hinges squeaking as they slipped past. Candles flickered and dimmed in the normally homely cottage. The wind picked up outside, rattling the trees.
Magnet shivered. “Um, your home is very lovely.”
“There are spirits in everything, little ones.” Zecora pulled a pinch of dust from a nearby jar. She dipped it in her cauldron, then blew it onto Magnet.
Magnet coughed and sneezed, then froze. Something shimmered in the air, a phantasmal shape extending around her frail body.
“They are in blade of grass, every rock, every tree. Spirits of love and friendship and laughter and glee. Most are small things, tiny sparks of little note. But some grow larger; this one is attached to your coat.”
Apple Bloom tried her best to figure just what she was looking at on Magnet, but Zecora’s dust began to lose its effect, and it became harder and harder to wrap her head around. “You’re saying, that, what, she’s got a spirit on her or something? And it ate her cutie mark?”
Magnet twisted about, trying to look at her flank. “Well I want it back!”
Zecora shook her head. “Your cutie mark was not eaten. Merely obscured from pony mind and eye. All it takes is a request, worded politely; all you must do is try.”
“Um, okay?” Magnet took a deep breath. “Please give me my cutie mark back, mister spirit!”
Nothing happened. Wind rattled the shutters, and Magnet jumped.
Apple Bloom turned to Zecora. “Now when you say ‘only,’ I’m guessing you mean there’s some sorta ritual involved too?”
Zecora chuckled. “It cannot hear or understand our pleas for help. But with the right admixture… Apple Bloom, can you pass me that kelp?”
“Sure thing!” Apple Bloom climbed up to the top shelf where she pulled down a sealed container. “Don’t worry, Magnet. I’m pretty good at potions and stuff too. We’ll ask the spirit nicely, and you’ll be all cutie marked up again in no time!”
Magnet sat down and watched the two alchemists create their brew. The flickering light of the candles and the fire under the cauldron cast eerie shadows over the walls.
Zecora leaned down to Apple Bloom and whispered, “There is something I think you must know. With a plea for help, the spirit will go. But in the first place, the spirit only comes when asked. Your friend hides a reason to lose her cutie mark in her past.”
Apple Bloom nearly swallowed the bag of herbs she held in her teeth. She glanced back at Magnet, then leaned in even closer. “Are you serious? She wanted a creepy spirit to take away her cutie mark? But why? She wants it back so badly…”
“I suspect the answer will become apparent soon enough. When the spirit leaves, she will remember, and she must be tough. She will reject her cutie mark once more, for her real problem is not resolved. It is where you come in, Apple Bloom. Help her through it; you must be involved.”
“I see.” Apple Bloom bit her lip. Helping ponies understand and accept their cutie marks was her special talent, after all. But this seemed like so much more, and she’d have to face it alone. “I ain’t gonna let her down.”
Apple Bloom ran her hoof down Magnet’s face, leaving behind a trail of stinky green mud in an odd pattern of concentric circles. “Alright, that should about do it.”
She stepped back. A ring of candles burned low around Magnet. Zecora chanted rhythmically, in a language Apple Bloom couldn’t understand, and she wandered about the hut, a smoking container of incense dangling from her teeth.
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
“I know.” Apple Bloom took a deep breath and gave her best smile. “We’re gonna do the best we can for you, alright? You just gotta be brave, then ask for your cutie mark back.”
Magnet squeezed her eyes shut. “Okay. I’m ready.”
Zecora nodded, then began stomping her hooves, her chanting increasing in volume. A wind stirred in the room, one of the candles blowing out.
Apple Bloom pulled out a hoofful of dust and threw it into the air. Iridescent patterns of fractured light scattered about the room. The vague shape of the spirit wrapped around Magnet came into focus once more. “Oh wise spirit. We ask you to listen to this filly’s request as earnestly as you can.”
A strange sensation pulsed through the room. Chills ran all the way down Apple Bloom’s body, and her ears felt stuffed full of cotton. The ephemeral form began to shift and stir, and an insectoid skittering echoed throughout the room.
Magnet seemed to be muttering something to herself under her breath. Her eyes still closed, she managed to squeak out a barely audible “P-please give me my cutie mark back!”
A raspy voice, sounding almost like laughter, scratched its way through Apple Bloom’s brain. The spirit began to slither and twist, and it slid onto the floor and up onto the wall, the shadows in the room dancing furiously with every movement.
Like water running off of her back, Magnet’s cutie mark came into view, a plus and a minus sign separated by a slash.
It felt like Apple Bloom’s brain was being washed clean, because she suddenly remembered seeing Magnet’s cutie mark the first day she had walked into class a month ago.
Magnet’s eyes lit up, and she squealed with foalish delight. “It’s back! Everything’s back. I got my cutie mark! My special talent is bringing ponies together! I finally got Mom and Dad to…”
Zecora continued chanting, and the atmosphere in the room seemed to darken even further.
“Mom and Dad, they’re…” Magnet’s eyes grew distant, and she slumped to the ground. “No… I don’t want this cutie mark. All it did was hurt them!”
The spirit above them picked up speed, and Apple Bloom sensed a strange hunger from it. “Magnet,” she said, taking a step forward. “Come on now. You’ve come this far to get your cutie mark. It’s a part of who you are, and you’ll never be complete without it! Bringing ponies together is a great special talent!”
“But it’s not!” Magnet screamed. She took a step back, knocking over one of the candles. “What’s the point of bringing ponies together if they were happier apart? They can’t do what they love here. I don’t want this stupid talent. Take it back!”
“No!” Apple Bloom shouted.
A shriek thundered through her skull, and the spirit manifested fully, a long and horribly segmented centipedal creature. It had a freakishly equine face, made all the more horrifying by the multifaceted eyes and alien jaw. It lunged down at Magnet, mandibles wide.
Apple Bloom tackled the spirit out of the air, pinning it to the ground. It writhed and thrashed, and she quickly realized its strength far outclassed her own.
“Apple Bloom, do not!” Zecora broke out of her trance, her coat matted with sweat. “Do not stand in the spirit's way, it’s too dangerous!”
“Magnet, you gotta listen! You think your mom and dad were happier apart, and maybe they were! But I’m sure they both love you, and your special talent didn’t force them to do anything. They’re the ones who made the decision to make whatever compromise they needed to for your sake! You can’t just throw that away and pretend it never happened!”
The candle flames shifted to an angry blue hue, and their light reflected in the tears streaming down Magnet’s cheeks. “Compromise just means that the problem is solved and nopony is happy. Dad belongs in the sky. Mom belongs near the ocean. Coming to Ponyville was a mistake, and it’s all my fault!”
The spirit bucked and threw Apple Bloom across the cottage to crash into a shelf, various alchemical solutions raining down around her. A sharp pain shot up from her leg.
“Ugh…” She could see the spirit still circling, preparing to strike and start this whole mess over again. With a shake of her head, Apple Bloom stood up, barely able to stand. “Alright, fine, it’s your fault! You didn’t think everything through, and maybe now everypony is unhappy because of it. Deal with it! But if your special talent is bringing ponies together, then that ain’t wrong! If your parents aren’t happy, try harder! Tell them how you feel, and you can all work together to find a better solution!”
“But… but I’m scared!”
The spirit roared and it dove down on Magnet once more.
A brilliant flash of light erupted through the room, the window and door blew open, and every candle snuffed out in a rush of energy.
When the dust settled, Magnet sat in the corner in the darkness, sobbing on the floor.
Apple Bloom limped over to her and threw her arms around her neck. “I know you’re scared. You just gotta be strong, alright?”
Moonlight streamed in through the now-open window, falling on Magnet’s still-intact cutie mark.
“I’m scared,” Magnet whispered.
Warm lights shone inside from the windows of Magnet’s home. Apple Bloom put a hoof on her shoulder. “You want me to go in there with you?”
Magnet turned, smiled broadly, and wrapped her arms around Apple Bloom. “No, I think I can handle this one. Thanks for everything.”
Apple Bloom stepped back, and watched her go.
Magnet made it as far as the door before she looked back and winced. “Um, maybe I do?”
“Alright, no worries.” Apple Bloom chuckled and followed Magnet inside.
“Oh hey champ. You’re late.” A well muscled brown stallion looked up from the newspaper he was reading. “Who’s this filly? A new friend? Is she staying for dinner?”
An azure unicorn poked her head out of the kitchen. “Goodness, darling, you’re filthy! Dinner’s almost ready, so you’d better get cleaned up. And please let us know if you’re bringing over company. You’re lucky I made extra.”
“Hi Mom. Hi Dad. This is my new friend, Apple Bloom. She, um, helped me out a lot today.” She fidgeted back and forth, then looked back to Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom smiled, and held up a hoof.
Magnet took a deep breath. “Can, I uh, talk to both of you about something?”
Well, this is already a lot less dark than I thought it might be. Starlight’s left a nasty pallor over this concept.
Decent Zecora dialogue. Not flawless, but better than many attempts I’ve seen over the years.
In all, a well-crafted mystery. The clues are there when you know what to look for. The supernatural element adds a nice excitement to the mix, but it’s the genuine emotion where this shines. Great work.
Decent Zecora dialogue. Not flawless, but better than many attempts I’ve seen over the years.
In all, a well-crafted mystery. The clues are there when you know what to look for. The supernatural element adds a nice excitement to the mix, but it’s the genuine emotion where this shines. Great work.
Alright. I'll admit the fast-paced beggining made me have doubts about the story, but I'm glad I stuck through. This is an endearing tale you've crafted over here.
As Fan said, the mystery carried itself subtly enough that when the reveal came, I had that nice moment when realisation hit me. Kudos for that.
Aside from easing a few minor bumps with the narrative here and there, I don't have any major complaints about this story.
As Fan said, the mystery carried itself subtly enough that when the reveal came, I had that nice moment when realisation hit me. Kudos for that.
Aside from easing a few minor bumps with the narrative here and there, I don't have any major complaints about this story.
There's a bit of choppiness right in the resolution - we never really see Magnet declare her intent to retain her mark, or anything, the spirit just explodes. Some bit about her making the choice, even if we just see it in the set of her jaw or a sudden standing her ground would add much to the climax here.
Apart from that I have no real nitpicks. Solid entry
Apart from that I have no real nitpicks. Solid entry
I'll echo >>Morning Sun:
What drives away the spirit in Zecora's hut? And later on her doorstep, what makes Magnet go from "I’m scared" to "I think I can handle this" in the space of one paragraph? We need to see Magnet make the choice to accept her cutie mark. Maybe Zecora and Apple Bloom have mixed up a potion that Magnet needs to drink or that she has to pour over her flanks: some specific action she has to perform to chase off the spirit. She can keep waffling about it, can keep not doing it and saying she's afraid as the spirit blusters around, but in the end she does it, the spirit leaves, and we've seen her make her choice.
Let me add my voice to those saying this is a really good round!
Mike
What drives away the spirit in Zecora's hut? And later on her doorstep, what makes Magnet go from "I’m scared" to "I think I can handle this" in the space of one paragraph? We need to see Magnet make the choice to accept her cutie mark. Maybe Zecora and Apple Bloom have mixed up a potion that Magnet needs to drink or that she has to pour over her flanks: some specific action she has to perform to chase off the spirit. She can keep waffling about it, can keep not doing it and saying she's afraid as the spirit blusters around, but in the end she does it, the spirit leaves, and we've seen her make her choice.
Let me add my voice to those saying this is a really good round!
Mike
“Excuse me. It's, uh, Apple Boom, right?”
Apple Bloom turned her head towards the unfamiliar voice, her school bag swinging in her teeth. “Apple Boom,” she corrected. After a brief pause she realized she'd flubbed it, then spit the strap out of her mouth and let her bag fall to the ground.
Alright, you've charmed and hooked me off the bat, author.
“I’ll listen to whatever it is you have to say. I can promise that much, or my name isn’t Apple Bloom.”
Trap! Trap! Major endgame reveal; her real name is Apple Boom after all, and Magnet is doomed to be unmarked forever!
I think that Starlight's bit about phantom cutie whatsit should have gone to Twilight - the same lines, but in reverse. Between the two of them, Twilight seems more likely to be pedantic about epidemiology.
Also, I'm not sure I like how the characters treat Magnet. You got Apple Bloom rifling through her possessions without asking, poking her in the ass (yeah, just go ahead and touch that perfect stranger's flank, AB), and Twilight pressures Starlight into casting a potentially dangerous spell without actually obtaining Magnet's consent beforehand.
I think a little bit more about Magnet's home life would help deepen the mystery, since Magnet's parental troubles and the guilt she felt over bringing them together were the impetus for her removing her cutie mark. Maybe have one of her parents meet Apple Bloom at the house the first time they go over together.
I'm also a bit confused. Did Magnet invoke the spirit that hid her cutie mark, or did her regret just inadvertently summon it to chomp on her flank? If it's the former, then wouldn't that create a minor plothole with Zecora and Apple Bloom needing to do a spell to bring it out? It could be I'm just missing something obvious, but...
I also wouldn't have minded getting Magnet's cutie mark story in detail at some point. The denouement would be the best place for that, I think.
Flawed, but a fun read nevertheless. :)
Genre: Paranormal mystery
Thoughts: I'll echo >>Morning Sun and >>Baal Bunny with my single biggest nitpick about this: The action gets confusing right during the climax, which limits the story's payoff. Having Magnet actually do something to dispel the spirit would make tons more sense thematically.
I do think the Author managed to pull things off in spite of that, though. My other nitpicks about this are mostly ephemeral: Starlight comes off as a bit haughty, and we don't have a good basis for what kind of "spirit" this is in Equestrian lore, which makes it seem more like a plot contrivance than a natural part of the world. Also, "Magnet" is kind of an odd name (and/or I can't stop thinking about Steven Magnet when I hear it); maybe consider "Lodestone" as an alternative?
Still, this was very well-executed IMO. It's a complete story with a solid arc. Fix up a couple things and this baby will shine.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: I'll echo >>Morning Sun and >>Baal Bunny with my single biggest nitpick about this: The action gets confusing right during the climax, which limits the story's payoff. Having Magnet actually do something to dispel the spirit would make tons more sense thematically.
I do think the Author managed to pull things off in spite of that, though. My other nitpicks about this are mostly ephemeral: Starlight comes off as a bit haughty, and we don't have a good basis for what kind of "spirit" this is in Equestrian lore, which makes it seem more like a plot contrivance than a natural part of the world. Also, "Magnet" is kind of an odd name (and/or I can't stop thinking about Steven Magnet when I hear it); maybe consider "Lodestone" as an alternative?
Still, this was very well-executed IMO. It's a complete story with a solid arc. Fix up a couple things and this baby will shine.
Tier: Strong
Cutie Unmarked — B+ — Very smooth and natural characters at the beginning. Progresses along at a reasonable rate. Good hook. Great Magnet/Bloom interactions. Story hangs together well. Magnet seems to be… odd. About the half-way mark, I started going through the checklist. Changelings. Memory spells. Discord.
Nice work voicing Zecora (I always have problems there) Got a Wizard of Oz sensation there for a minute. “Oh, great and powerful Zecora. We’ve come looking for Magnet’s cutie mark. Can you help us?” (snicker) Resolution of the missing mark seems a little clumsy and rushed, but still completes the circle.
Nice work voicing Zecora (I always have problems there) Got a Wizard of Oz sensation there for a minute. “Oh, great and powerful Zecora. We’ve come looking for Magnet’s cutie mark. Can you help us?” (snicker) Resolution of the missing mark seems a little clumsy and rushed, but still completes the circle.
The Great
A nice, pleasant, little story with an interesting mystery and a clever resolution that builds nicely on the world mythos, as well as the nature of Cutie Marks.
While not unheard of, a story about rejecting one's own Cutie Mark is a seriously cool idea.
Apple Bloom is portrayed as pleasantly intelligent without being too overbearing. She balances being young with being clever.
The Rough
Apple Bloom's actual involvement is... surprisingly minimal. I don't know. As written, it really just doesn't have any real ties to Apple Bloom in particular. Like, it feels like you could slots any of the CMC in here and you'd more or less have the same story. Like, it's a cute little mystery for her and that's all. All told, as written, I feel like this'd be a more interesting story to hear from Magnet's point of view.
Could use a general round of polish. Word choice and phrasing could be tuned up.
A nice, pleasant, little story with an interesting mystery and a clever resolution that builds nicely on the world mythos, as well as the nature of Cutie Marks.
While not unheard of, a story about rejecting one's own Cutie Mark is a seriously cool idea.
Apple Bloom is portrayed as pleasantly intelligent without being too overbearing. She balances being young with being clever.
The Rough
Apple Bloom's actual involvement is... surprisingly minimal. I don't know. As written, it really just doesn't have any real ties to Apple Bloom in particular. Like, it feels like you could slots any of the CMC in here and you'd more or less have the same story. Like, it's a cute little mystery for her and that's all. All told, as written, I feel like this'd be a more interesting story to hear from Magnet's point of view.
Could use a general round of polish. Word choice and phrasing could be tuned up.
This is fairly solid, and people seem to have covered most of it already.
I'll add, however, that the Twilight/Starlight scene doesn't seem to be pulling it's weight at all to me. Those characters don't do anything for the story besides crack a few jokes; if you can't find a way to pull them into the plot proper (maybe Starlight can give some advice on accepting cutie marks for what they are? That seems like a missed opportunity to rationalize Magnet's change of heart;) you'd be better off straight-up cutting it, because it's merely a sideshow diversion right now.
I'll add, however, that the Twilight/Starlight scene doesn't seem to be pulling it's weight at all to me. Those characters don't do anything for the story besides crack a few jokes; if you can't find a way to pull them into the plot proper (maybe Starlight can give some advice on accepting cutie marks for what they are? That seems like a missed opportunity to rationalize Magnet's change of heart;) you'd be better off straight-up cutting it, because it's merely a sideshow diversion right now.
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Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Cutie Unmarked. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This story was loosely based on the Hitagi Crab arc from the anime series "Bakemonogatari," and I was aiming to capture some of its themes and ideas. The core one is "meet someone who has a problem, the problem is caused by a spirit/god (in the shinto sense), the problem is actually just an external reflection of their internal issues".
I plan to take a lot of the feedback into account, get it polished up, and post it to fimfiction, once I can get an appropriate coverart commissioned.
A few things I want to address specifically.
When I was first outlining the story, and considering which CMC to make the protagonist, Apple Bloom stood out to me as the right choice. She has the relationship with Zecora. She has previous experience with weird cutie mark magic. And personality wise, she's the most level headed and the one to easily take charge of the situation and lead Magnet to where she needs to go.
I also couldn't picture either Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle offering the advice Apple Bloom gives during the climax.
Honestly, the biggest reason for this scene was one of pacing. I knew that going straight from "there's a problem" to "hey look Zecora has the solution" might be a little to fast, so I added an extra try/fail cycle with Twilight. The most important part of the scene is actually Apple Bloom's discussion on Magnet being from Mareami, though that could theoretically be slotted somewhere else.
Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Cutie Unmarked. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This story was loosely based on the Hitagi Crab arc from the anime series "Bakemonogatari," and I was aiming to capture some of its themes and ideas. The core one is "meet someone who has a problem, the problem is caused by a spirit/god (in the shinto sense), the problem is actually just an external reflection of their internal issues".
I plan to take a lot of the feedback into account, get it polished up, and post it to fimfiction, once I can get an appropriate coverart commissioned.
A few things I want to address specifically.
Apple Bloom's actual involvement is... surprisingly minimal. I don't know. As written, it really just doesn't have any real ties to Apple Bloom in particular. Like, it feels like you could slots any of the CMC in here and you'd more or less have the same story. Like, it's a cute little mystery for her and that's all. All told, as written, I feel like this'd be a more interesting story to hear from Magnet's point of view.
When I was first outlining the story, and considering which CMC to make the protagonist, Apple Bloom stood out to me as the right choice. She has the relationship with Zecora. She has previous experience with weird cutie mark magic. And personality wise, she's the most level headed and the one to easily take charge of the situation and lead Magnet to where she needs to go.
I also couldn't picture either Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle offering the advice Apple Bloom gives during the climax.
I'll add, however, that the Twilight/Starlight scene doesn't seem to be pulling it's weight at all to me. Those characters don't do anything for the story besides crack a few jokes; if you can't find a way to pull them into the plot proper (maybe Starlight can give some advice on accepting cutie marks for what they are? That seems like a missed opportunity to rationalize Magnet's change of heart;) you'd be better off straight-up cutting it, because it's merely a sideshow diversion right now.
Honestly, the biggest reason for this scene was one of pacing. I knew that going straight from "there's a problem" to "hey look Zecora has the solution" might be a little to fast, so I added an extra try/fail cycle with Twilight. The most important part of the scene is actually Apple Bloom's discussion on Magnet being from Mareami, though that could theoretically be slotted somewhere else.