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Dos Equines
She once sang a five part harmony in a solo talent competition. She won first place.
Her mane alone has experienced more than a lesser mare’s entire body.
On a trip through the Everfree Forest, she walked through a patch of poison joke. The next morning, the poison joke woke up with the feeling that something was not quite right.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
Her small talk has caused Nightmare Moon to lower the moon and raise the sun.
She once almost performed the Sonic Rainboom. The popular opinion among her team was that her mane caused too much wind resistance. She would’ve trimmed it, but nah.
When she rises, Celestia squints her eyes, rolls over and pulls the covers over her head.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
One of her primary feathers fell loose mid-flight and drifted into the Best Young Fliers competition. It won first place and is now considered a top contender for the Wonderbolts.
The Headless Horse tells stories about her around the campfire.
Parasprites refuse to eat her food, purely out of respect.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
She is allowed to touch Holder’s Boulder.
When she went to Griffonstone, every griffon insisted that they give her their bits.
She’s been known to cure Cutie Pox by just walking into a room. The disease gives up when it realizes that it cannot create a mark that can even come close to rivaling hers.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
When awed, the Princesses cry out her name.
The Apple family buys apples from her.
Her shadow was the headline model for a Carousel Boutique fashion show.
One Fall she ran the Running of the Leaves because it was on her way.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
Her mane alone has experienced more than a lesser mare’s entire body.
On a trip through the Everfree Forest, she walked through a patch of poison joke. The next morning, the poison joke woke up with the feeling that something was not quite right.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
Her small talk has caused Nightmare Moon to lower the moon and raise the sun.
She once almost performed the Sonic Rainboom. The popular opinion among her team was that her mane caused too much wind resistance. She would’ve trimmed it, but nah.
When she rises, Celestia squints her eyes, rolls over and pulls the covers over her head.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
One of her primary feathers fell loose mid-flight and drifted into the Best Young Fliers competition. It won first place and is now considered a top contender for the Wonderbolts.
The Headless Horse tells stories about her around the campfire.
Parasprites refuse to eat her food, purely out of respect.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
She is allowed to touch Holder’s Boulder.
When she went to Griffonstone, every griffon insisted that they give her their bits.
She’s been known to cure Cutie Pox by just walking into a room. The disease gives up when it realizes that it cannot create a mark that can even come close to rivaling hers.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
When awed, the Princesses cry out her name.
The Apple family buys apples from her.
Her shadow was the headline model for a Carousel Boutique fashion show.
One Fall she ran the Running of the Leaves because it was on her way.
She is the most interesting mare in the world.
“I don’t always drink cider, but when I do I prefer Dos Equines. Stay thirsty my friends.”
Enjoy Dos Equines responsibly.
Genre: Chuck Norris Facts
Thoughts: I'm at a loss for whether to give this high marks on account of the severe belly-laughs it gave me, or to ding it for its repetitiveness, lack of real plot, and--
* le notices the word count is precisely 420 *
Oh, buck it. Author, I'll give this to ya because sometimes entertainment can be an art unto itself if the jokes all land, even if it isn't "art" per se. And that's what we've got here. It goes on just long enough to maximize humor without overstaying its welcome, and there isn't a stinker among the jokes.
Just... don't expect to pull this off every time. :V
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: I'm at a loss for whether to give this high marks on account of the severe belly-laughs it gave me, or to ding it for its repetitiveness, lack of real plot, and--
* le notices the word count is precisely 420 *
Oh, buck it. Author, I'll give this to ya because sometimes entertainment can be an art unto itself if the jokes all land, even if it isn't "art" per se. And that's what we've got here. It goes on just long enough to maximize humor without overstaying its welcome, and there isn't a stinker among the jokes.
Just... don't expect to pull this off every time. :V
Tier: Strong
Okay, I can get behind the execution of this one, though the last lines of the ad get pretty repetitive. I'm not nearly as much a fan of the idea itself, which overstays its welcome at about a third the length. I feel like it's more casual conversation material than fiction-writing material (though one section of this embedded in a larger work could really spice it up).
What's the connection to the prompt, though?
What's the connection to the prompt, though?
OK, so this one might be just an excuse for a bunch of Chuck Norris-style jokes, but I found them funny and enjoyable all the same. Not bad.
I, unfortunately, fall in line with >>Misternick here.
I've made some allowances for oddball stuff in the past, but this falls outside the bounds of acceptability for me. There really isn't an argument to be made for this being a story or even anything approaching a story.
It's worth a couple chuckles, but that doesn't particularly do it any favors as I feel it misses a bit more than it hits, which is particularly painful when that's all it has going for it. Still, would love to see more of these in the future. MIM was a fun ad campaign.
I've made some allowances for oddball stuff in the past, but this falls outside the bounds of acceptability for me. There really isn't an argument to be made for this being a story or even anything approaching a story.
It's worth a couple chuckles, but that doesn't particularly do it any favors as I feel it misses a bit more than it hits, which is particularly painful when that's all it has going for it. Still, would love to see more of these in the future. MIM was a fun ad campaign.
I can think of some ways this could've been more ambitious as a story, but eh. What I got was funny enough by itself. I liked how a lot of them are specific to Equestria.
reading-too-much-into-it-time: the prompt relevance is that you should ignore advertising like this.
or maybe, it's about an annoying mary-sue OC who's perfect at everything, and if we just ignore her she'll go away.and become an alcoholic
reading-too-much-into-it-time: the prompt relevance is that you should ignore advertising like this.
or maybe, it's about an annoying mary-sue OC who's perfect at everything, and if we just ignore her she'll go away.
Is this referenced ad a regional thing? I'm not even sure I understand the context for this, let alone the content. I'll have to abstain, I'm afraid.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Thanks for sharing your work.
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
It's referencing an ad campaign that turned into a meme. Basically, replace all the horse stuff here with human stuff, and you'll pretty much have one of those commercials. There really isn't much content needed.
Now I love comedies and parodies, and I even wrote a (surprisingly successful) commercial for a writeoff once. But this just did not work very well for me. You might have been able to get away with not having any sort of plot or anything if the jokes were consistently really funny, but a lot of them were just okay to me. And it really doesn't help that half of your lines and a big chunk of your words are that same "She is the most interesting mare..." part that gets repeated every time. And yet it still manages to feel like it goes on for too long.
I think there's something good in here, but it needs a lot more meat to really be enjoyable. Or you could have at least tried to subvert our expectations towards the end to make it more interesting.
It's referencing an ad campaign that turned into a meme. Basically, replace all the horse stuff here with human stuff, and you'll pretty much have one of those commercials. There really isn't much content needed.
Now I love comedies and parodies, and I even wrote a (surprisingly successful) commercial for a writeoff once. But this just did not work very well for me. You might have been able to get away with not having any sort of plot or anything if the jokes were consistently really funny, but a lot of them were just okay to me. And it really doesn't help that half of your lines and a big chunk of your words are that same "She is the most interesting mare..." part that gets repeated every time. And yet it still manages to feel like it goes on for too long.
I think there's something good in here, but it needs a lot more meat to really be enjoyable. Or you could have at least tried to subvert our expectations towards the end to make it more interesting.
Nice joke. Unfortunately, this is not based on the prompt to a reasonable and discernible degree, nor does it meet the minimum length requirement after subtracting sections that were copy/paste repeated multiple times (see https://writeoff.me/fic/4249-Inevitability for precedent).
Additionally, it does not fulfill the criteria of "Fiction based on Friendship is Magic;" everything in the entry is nonfiction and established as fact. Especially the part about Fluttershy being the most interesting mare in the world.
Edit: One easy way to improve this and make it meet the requirements would be to write a short frame story around it. The Mane Six all go in and produce commercials for [reason], then show the commercials as written, then some sort of concluding joke about the aftermath. I really wish there'd been something like that, that would make this an easy slate topper instead of a DQ. It is very funny anyway! Thanks for writing!
Additionally, it does not fulfill the criteria of "Fiction based on Friendship is Magic;" everything in the entry is nonfiction and established as fact. Especially the part about Fluttershy being the most interesting mare in the world.
Edit: One easy way to improve this and make it meet the requirements would be to write a short frame story around it. The Mane Six all go in and produce commercials for [reason], then show the commercials as written, then some sort of concluding joke about the aftermath. I really wish there'd been something like that, that would make this an easy slate topper instead of a DQ. It is very funny anyway! Thanks for writing!