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>>Fenton
D'oh! I'm more interested in this one than usual, and of course there's a 90% chance I'll be spending the weekend at my parents' place for the sake of Mother's Day, which means I almost certainly won't be able to watch, much less take part.
What for you make Paul sad?
Oh, wait, I guess you wanted me to be. Alright then.
D'oh! I'm more interested in this one than usual, and of course there's a 90% chance I'll be spending the weekend at my parents' place for the sake of Mother's Day, which means I almost certainly won't be able to watch, much less take part.
What for you make Paul sad?
Oh, wait, I guess you wanted me to be. Alright then.
That's my slate of 16. I'll try to get to the rest tomorrow, but there's a chance I'll ignore the deadline.
Okay, so. So. Sooooooo.
Having finished my slate, I'm gonna make an effort to read and rank every one of the entries this round. Bad news is that I doubt I'll be able to review all of them. It's a trade-off.
Hope that changes in the finals though.
Having finished my slate, I'm gonna make an effort to read and rank every one of the entries this round. Bad news is that I doubt I'll be able to review all of them. It's a trade-off.
Hope that changes in the finals though.
>>Posh
How dare you unleash that cute-a-beetes picture of Coloratura on us. You monster.
How dare you unleash that cute-a-beetes picture of Coloratura on us. You monster.
>>CoffeeMinion
What's this I hear about cute things? Something cute appeared and no one brought it to my attention?
Edit: Oh, now I see it.
What's this I hear about cute things? Something cute appeared and no one brought it to my attention?
Edit: Oh, now I see it.
Today’s mashups are brought to you in part by the Weiland-Yultani corporation, the letter “F,” and by viewers like you. Thank you!
Guy-Girl Stuff - A sequel to Cold in Gardez’s classic Naked Singularity wherein Twilight seeks to revolutionize Equestria’s sex-ed curriculum. Will she succeed, or will she only end up inflicting permanent scars on her pilot classful of students? (Spoiler alert: the fallout from day 1’s lesson about pregnancy is topped only by day 2’s lesson about prostate health.)
A Forgotten Pink Shadow - Thoughtform-Pinkie gets ignored by her family and takes… shall we say, an interest in baking to ensure her memory (and therefore her existence) will endure.
"Can’t Buy Everything!" The Widow Cried - Prior to having her flamethrower privileges revoked, the recently-returned Princess Luna inadvertently burns down most of the primary educational facilities in the greater Canterlot area (extending to Ponyville). When Silver Spoon’s family moves to town, they discover that the only school with open seats is Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Despite being an earth pony, Silver Spoon’s mom is determined to get her in, no matter the cost. But to do so, she must convince its vice principal (also Luna) to admit her.
Headache From The Skies - With the Mane 6 and Bon Bon distracted by a bugbear attack, Lyra finds herself struggling to repair Bon Bon’s spare interociter in time to stand against the true threat: Calamity John Beasley!
Those Who Go Down To The Sea With Dos Equines - They are the most interesting crew in the world. It’s said that they once put into port and the whole island sank. Pirates board their ship to get robbed. They always know where the rum’s gone. Please set your ship on fire responsibly.
Guy-Girl Stuff - A sequel to Cold in Gardez’s classic Naked Singularity wherein Twilight seeks to revolutionize Equestria’s sex-ed curriculum. Will she succeed, or will she only end up inflicting permanent scars on her pilot classful of students? (Spoiler alert: the fallout from day 1’s lesson about pregnancy is topped only by day 2’s lesson about prostate health.)
A Forgotten Pink Shadow - Thoughtform-Pinkie gets ignored by her family and takes… shall we say, an interest in baking to ensure her memory (and therefore her existence) will endure.
"Can’t Buy Everything!" The Widow Cried - Prior to having her flamethrower privileges revoked, the recently-returned Princess Luna inadvertently burns down most of the primary educational facilities in the greater Canterlot area (extending to Ponyville). When Silver Spoon’s family moves to town, they discover that the only school with open seats is Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Despite being an earth pony, Silver Spoon’s mom is determined to get her in, no matter the cost. But to do so, she must convince its vice principal (also Luna) to admit her.
Headache From The Skies - With the Mane 6 and Bon Bon distracted by a bugbear attack, Lyra finds herself struggling to repair Bon Bon’s spare interociter in time to stand against the true threat: Calamity John Beasley!
Those Who Go Down To The Sea With Dos Equines - They are the most interesting crew in the world. It’s said that they once put into port and the whole island sank. Pirates board their ship to get robbed. They always know where the rum’s gone. Please set your ship on fire responsibly.
>>CoffeeMinion
I tried to "ignore" these mashups, but I couldn't make them go away!
In Which Starlight Glimmer Discovers the Castle Has Structural Faults
Twilight's been painting over the walls to avoid having to repair the cracks in the walls. Starlight finds that a lonely ghost is all that's keeping the castle from falling apart. Starlight must choose between solving the ghost's friendship problem and saving their home.
A Headache in the Mind
Lyra is introduced to a disgusting overweight changeling. Using its hive mind, it asks annoying questions directly into Lyra's head nonstop.
Minuette's Knickers Replacement Service
Minuette offers a filly to help find her missing pants. Instead, she brings her to Petunia, who digs up an ancient pair of pants from a buried treasure. Minuette never outgrew her childhood pants.
Girl Talk for Children
Little Twilight listens to a bedtime story read by her mother. When she interrupts, the main character becomes pregnant for no reason. When Twilight protests that this isn't fair, she is told that she is already three weeks pregnant herself and having a bad dream.
And then Twilight Sparkle craved a popsicle. With pickles.
I tried to "ignore" these mashups, but I couldn't make them go away!
In Which Starlight Glimmer Discovers the Castle Has Structural Faults
Twilight's been painting over the walls to avoid having to repair the cracks in the walls. Starlight finds that a lonely ghost is all that's keeping the castle from falling apart. Starlight must choose between solving the ghost's friendship problem and saving their home.
A Headache in the Mind
Lyra is introduced to a disgusting overweight changeling. Using its hive mind, it asks annoying questions directly into Lyra's head nonstop.
Minuette's Knickers Replacement Service
Minuette offers a filly to help find her missing pants. Instead, she brings her to Petunia, who digs up an ancient pair of pants from a buried treasure. Minuette never outgrew her childhood pants.
Girl Talk for Children
Little Twilight listens to a bedtime story read by her mother. When she interrupts, the main character becomes pregnant for no reason. When Twilight protests that this isn't fair, she is told that she is already three weeks pregnant herself and having a bad dream.
And then Twilight Sparkle craved a popsicle. With pickles.
>>CoffeeMinion No joke, I actually had an EYE-dea for an Eyeball-based entry to this round.
But I thought it would be too much of a giveaway.
But I thought it would be too much of a giveaway.
>>CoffeeMinion Extra mashups brought to you by the Ponyville Beet Council - Enjoy a fine Ponyville Beet at your dinner table tonight. Nothing Beats our Beets.
-
Twilight's First Eyeball in Canterlot Castle - Young filly Twilight Sparkle moves into her rooms, where she finds a magnificent bed, a beautiful floating hourglass, and an eyeball the size of a pony's head floating in her kitchenette. Thankfully, it's plastic.
It's Your Housefly! The Widow Cried - A fly gets into Luna's room. She decides the best way to kill it is to outlive it.
Those Who Go Down To The Sea In Headaches - A pirate crew decides drinking beats going out and raiding other ships. The crews of the other ships agree too. Much beer is had by all. Many regrets happen the next morning. Thankfully, there is more beer.
-
Twilight's First Eyeball in Canterlot Castle - Young filly Twilight Sparkle moves into her rooms, where she finds a magnificent bed, a beautiful floating hourglass, and an eyeball the size of a pony's head floating in her kitchenette. Thankfully, it's plastic.
It's Your Housefly! The Widow Cried - A fly gets into Luna's room. She decides the best way to kill it is to outlive it.
Those Who Go Down To The Sea In Headaches - A pirate crew decides drinking beats going out and raiding other ships. The crews of the other ships agree too. Much beer is had by all. Many regrets happen the next morning. Thankfully, there is more beer.
Good luck to the finalists!
Thanks to y’all who commented.
Midnight Palaver
>>Xepher
>>Caliaponia
>>Light_Striker
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>PaulAsaran
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Everyday
The title refers to my friend Carabas’s Moonlight Palaver fic. Well done, PaulAsaran! :)
The line If you continue to pry…break your neck attributed to Luna is picked up (almost verbatim) from the Star Trek episode Amok Time where it is supposedly uttered by an angry Spock against McCoy and reported to Kirk by the latter.
The “marmorean” paragraph was a wink to Lovecraft’s prose, and also went with Celestia’s regal position.
So there was a lot of ingredients added from out-of-the-box sources.
The idea beyond the fic was more a study of character, whereby Celestia transitions from wrath to concern and then back to her usual benevolent behaviour, sending the message "Don't worry, it'll pass” to Sunset in order to assume all the weight of the problem on her shoulders alone. The bedroom scene suggested maybe Celestia had made light of Luna’s problem, but following Sunset’s reveal she has to admit it’s serious.
Cassius told me Celestia’s dialogue went over the top. Fair enough.
I hesitated between a “sex-” or “alcohol-” flavoured scene, but the latter would’ve posed a lot of problems, the biggest one being dealing with a plastered Celestia talking to Sunset. The idea here was “Celestia is no deity, but a normal being”.
I’ve no idea what timeline Sunset belongs to. Why not place her during Luna’s fall, and surmise that time in EqG world does not flow at the same speed?
There’s no takeaway. As I often say on the chat, I have no inspiration related to pony world anymore. All I do is write things hoping they’ll be good at the prose and execution level, because I need exercising. Other than that, they’re empty shells. You can shuck them. So, yeah, pretty ‘meh’ material, I apologise for this.
Flight Camp
>>Light_Striker
>>Haze
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Trick_Question
>>Xepher
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ranmilia
This was an experimental story meant to give a glimpse of Fluttershy’s life before Flight Camp, practice seamless transitions between scenes and writing child dialogue. No one complained too much about the prose, so that’s a win, and those who were jarred by the lack of transitions, eh, fair enough. Do you really need road posts to see there’s a bend ahead? :P
>>Cold in Gardez
This had a lot of issues, mainly it was unimaginative. There’s no takeaway here too.
All in all, for both stories, thanks to Haze and Everyday for liking them, and for the others, you were plainly right to smash them.
See you next round guys!
Thanks to y’all who commented.
Midnight Palaver
>>Xepher
>>Caliaponia
>>Light_Striker
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>PaulAsaran
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Everyday
The title refers to my friend Carabas’s Moonlight Palaver fic. Well done, PaulAsaran! :)
The line If you continue to pry…break your neck attributed to Luna is picked up (almost verbatim) from the Star Trek episode Amok Time where it is supposedly uttered by an angry Spock against McCoy and reported to Kirk by the latter.
The “marmorean” paragraph was a wink to Lovecraft’s prose, and also went with Celestia’s regal position.
So there was a lot of ingredients added from out-of-the-box sources.
The idea beyond the fic was more a study of character, whereby Celestia transitions from wrath to concern and then back to her usual benevolent behaviour, sending the message "Don't worry, it'll pass” to Sunset in order to assume all the weight of the problem on her shoulders alone. The bedroom scene suggested maybe Celestia had made light of Luna’s problem, but following Sunset’s reveal she has to admit it’s serious.
Cassius told me Celestia’s dialogue went over the top. Fair enough.
I hesitated between a “sex-” or “alcohol-” flavoured scene, but the latter would’ve posed a lot of problems, the biggest one being dealing with a plastered Celestia talking to Sunset. The idea here was “Celestia is no deity, but a normal being”.
I’ve no idea what timeline Sunset belongs to. Why not place her during Luna’s fall, and surmise that time in EqG world does not flow at the same speed?
There’s no takeaway. As I often say on the chat, I have no inspiration related to pony world anymore. All I do is write things hoping they’ll be good at the prose and execution level, because I need exercising. Other than that, they’re empty shells. You can shuck them. So, yeah, pretty ‘meh’ material, I apologise for this.
Flight Camp
>>Light_Striker
>>Haze
>>Ceffyl_Dwr
>>Trick_Question
>>Xepher
>>JudgeDeadd
>>Ranmilia
This was an experimental story meant to give a glimpse of Fluttershy’s life before Flight Camp, practice seamless transitions between scenes and writing child dialogue. No one complained too much about the prose, so that’s a win, and those who were jarred by the lack of transitions, eh, fair enough. Do you really need road posts to see there’s a bend ahead? :P
>>Cold in Gardez
This had a lot of issues, mainly it was unimaginative. There’s no takeaway here too.
All in all, for both stories, thanks to Haze and Everyday for liking them, and for the others, you were plainly right to smash them.
See you next round guys!
...And since I can't let the prelims pass without doing this...
Mash-Ups: Preliminary Edition
A Fire in Room 101: When Figment voluntarily commits himself to a psychiatric institute, after struggling with symptoms of schizophrenia, Pinkie Pie and Minuette attempt to treat him the only way they know how: a brutal mindfuck party.
Needless to say, Figment's symptoms worsen, and Pinkie and Minuette are no longer allowed near the mentally ill, by decree of every Princess. Including Flurry Heart. They wanted a quorum, to leave no room for ambiguity.
The Story of Spike and the Flight Camp: Spike corners a nettlesome fly, but is moved when the fly delivers an impassioned, emotional speech about his lifelong desire to become a Wonderbolt.
Then Twilight kills it.
Ditch Witch Who Dis?: While searching for clues about this hypothetical "other human" who visited Equestria before him, Anon discovers the journal that allows Twilight to communicate with Sunset Shimmer. The two talk, and it's revealed that the nail clippings belonged to Sunset. Twilight brought back a sack full of them after her last visit to the human world, and scattered them around the bathroom like rose petals. Apparently, that's her thing.
Relieved, yet profoundly disturbed, Anon asks if he can stay with Sunset for a while, and she agrees, cryptically saying that it's not like he'd be the first extradimensional visitor to crash at her place...
Like No Equines Else: Maud Pie gets a job as a copywriter for an advertising firm that represents a popular Equestrian beer. Drawing primarily on her own experiences, and the experiences of her sister, she creates a wildly successful ad campaign, only to draw Limestone's ire (and a lawsuit) at the mere suggestion that somepony might be allowed to touch Holder's Bolder.
One Flew Over the Girl Talk: Everyone in the Pie family is pregnant, including Pinkie's dad, but damned if an airborne Twilight Sparkle can tell who's who just by listening to their voices.
Except for Maud, obviously.
Mash-Ups: Preliminary Edition
A Fire in Room 101: When Figment voluntarily commits himself to a psychiatric institute, after struggling with symptoms of schizophrenia, Pinkie Pie and Minuette attempt to treat him the only way they know how: a brutal mindfuck party.
Needless to say, Figment's symptoms worsen, and Pinkie and Minuette are no longer allowed near the mentally ill, by decree of every Princess. Including Flurry Heart. They wanted a quorum, to leave no room for ambiguity.
The Story of Spike and the Flight Camp: Spike corners a nettlesome fly, but is moved when the fly delivers an impassioned, emotional speech about his lifelong desire to become a Wonderbolt.
Then Twilight kills it.
Ditch Witch Who Dis?: While searching for clues about this hypothetical "other human" who visited Equestria before him, Anon discovers the journal that allows Twilight to communicate with Sunset Shimmer. The two talk, and it's revealed that the nail clippings belonged to Sunset. Twilight brought back a sack full of them after her last visit to the human world, and scattered them around the bathroom like rose petals. Apparently, that's her thing.
Relieved, yet profoundly disturbed, Anon asks if he can stay with Sunset for a while, and she agrees, cryptically saying that it's not like he'd be the first extradimensional visitor to crash at her place...
Like No Equines Else: Maud Pie gets a job as a copywriter for an advertising firm that represents a popular Equestrian beer. Drawing primarily on her own experiences, and the experiences of her sister, she creates a wildly successful ad campaign, only to draw Limestone's ire (and a lawsuit) at the mere suggestion that somepony might be allowed to touch Holder's Bolder.
One Flew Over the Girl Talk: Everyone in the Pie family is pregnant, including Pinkie's dad, but damned if an airborne Twilight Sparkle can tell who's who just by listening to their voices.
Except for Maud, obviously.
FYI: now that I'm back from EFNW and have access to an actual keyboard again, I hope to respond to more of these posts over the next few days.
Also, I'm a little stunned that I managed to final with my first entry! I doubt I'll rank highly in that, given some of the other contenders, but I guess we'll see. Best of luck to all.
Also, I'm a little stunned that I managed to final with my first entry! I doubt I'll rank highly in that, given some of the other contenders, but I guess we'll see. Best of luck to all.
Not sure if this is still a thing (it was when I last participated, many moons ago), but with a little over 24 hours left the stories with the fewest comments are currently:
Sunrise (7)
Changing of the Guard (8)
Tomorrow (8)
Ticks and Tocks (8)
The Art of Lingering (9)
Structural Faults (9)
All other stories are into double digits. Nice work, everyone.
Sunrise (7)
Changing of the Guard (8)
Tomorrow (8)
Ticks and Tocks (8)
The Art of Lingering (9)
Structural Faults (9)
All other stories are into double digits. Nice work, everyone.
Whew! I actually managed to place a comment on each and every one of the stories on my slate this time. Maybe they were good or maybe they were bad, I don't know; I'm still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't as far as being a critic as well as a writer, and hopefully I haven't crushed too many toes as I went along. I want to thank everyone here for letting me tag along this round, and wish everyone the best until the next contest!
Wow, this was my worst competition ever! :raritydespair:
The good news is that I'm working on a longer version of the 1984 story that will be funny (if I can stop accidentally writing tons of drama into it, argh it's so hard). The protagonist definitely won't be Twilight, either... :raritywink: But a really good story should emerge from a crappy one, and it will be unlike other TQ fare. Time to stretch my range.
Pee pee story is on the back burner for now, but may resurface eventually.
Don't pee on your burners. Trust me.
The good news is that I'm working on a longer version of the 1984 story that will be funny (if I can stop accidentally writing tons of drama into it, argh it's so hard). The protagonist definitely won't be Twilight, either... :raritywink: But a really good story should emerge from a crappy one, and it will be unlike other TQ fare. Time to stretch my range.
Pee pee story is on the back burner for now, but may resurface eventually.
Don't pee on your burners. Trust me.
>>Trick_Question
I suspect the pee pee story will remain a tough sell for thematic/audience reasons, but I hope it does resurface, because its discomforting aspects help it explore the masks (and/or pants) we wear within society.
I suspect the pee pee story will remain a tough sell for thematic/audience reasons, but I hope it does resurface, because its discomforting aspects help it explore the masks (and/or pants) we wear within society.