Firstly, thanks >>Chris, >>Posh, >>Light_Striker, >>Bachiavellian, >>Caliaponia, >>Xepher, >>eusocialdragon, >>Ranmilia, >>Monokeras and >>AndrewRogue for all of your feedback and comments. There's so much to sift through here, and I'm sure that most, if not all, of it will help me develop this story (and my writing) in a positive direction. I appreciate you taking the time to help me do so.

Like my other submission, the interpretation of the prompt wasn't cryptic or subtle; ostensibly, this minific is about how we can shy away from the splinters and creeping undergrowth in our relationships, rather than doing the more immediately unpleasant act of confronting them, and the harm that this can cause in the long term. Obvious metaphor is obvious, though I hope that I wasn't to heavy handed with it.

Again, some broad themes were noted in the feedback:

It's not a crackship, I swear!
This seemed to be one of the main contentious parts of the fic, and in some cases caused enough disquiet to hamper readers enjoyment of the narrative. I honestly didn't roll a pair of dice and consult a character matrix for this, though I do like to look at pairs of characters from the show and think about how their traits and backgrounds can be moulded to build a believable relationship. I think there's a lot of potential between these characters, not only because their personalities mesh quite well, but because you can invent silly little scenarios like Moon Dancer becoming fascinated with griffon culture and deciding to study them, and then falling for one because said griffon happened to be attempting this whole friendship lark and offered out her spare room.

A heavy handed backstory
Yeah, I can kinda see this a little more now. I'll tell you what, though, this was a light touch compared to my previous draft! I imagine expanding this piece will give me the room I need to incorporate these elements in a less overt way.

Crisis? What crisis?
A few of you identified that there wasn't enough clarity behind the conflict to become emotionally invested in the piece, or that the underlying motivations were somewhat out of focus. I think these are fair points to raise. I attempted to present a relationship that was in a state of conflict due to the accumulation of lots of different issues, with the problem being discussed in the narrative itself being the latest. I also tried to suggest some more specific issues Gilda had with Moon Dancer's success (the book resulting from her years of study is due to be launched to great acclaim) and how this might overshadow her own contributions (to the relationship? To griffonkind?) and self-perception.

Yeah, so maybe that was all a little ambitious for a 750 word minific. I'd like to think that I got the core of the above in there, but I will have to concede that the cram probably lessened the impact of each element. I can only apologise for that.

Potential?
A couple of comments suggested that there is the potential of developing that central premise (Moon Dancer's work and its impact on a great many different things) further. It certainly holds appeal to me, though would require me to overcome my usual anxiety about messing about with a relatively complete minific. It's something I will definitely be giving some thought to, however, as I have a lot of love for this piece.

I think that was probably most of what I wanted to capture here, though if I've forgotten anything I'll be sure to address it. Thanks again for taking the time to read my work and give such useful feedback. I really appreciate it.

>>Haze

the atmosphere this round has been rather nasty, especially around the Discord chat. even if none of it was aimed at me, I've never felt more discouraged.

Seconded. I sincerely hope for more encouraging rounds in future.

I'm glad you decided to submit this in the end, regardless of your doubts. As you say, some aspects are in need of further definition, but I enjoyed a lot of what you have already put in place, and this fic was in my top ten. I hope you feel like adding some meat onto those bones and publishing the story on FiMFic at some point, as I'd very much look forward to reading your intended version.

Firstly, congratulations to Chris and GroaningGreyAgony for medalling, but also to everyone who submitted a fic, whether it finalled or not.

Secondly, heartfelt thanks to >>Xepher, >>Monokeras, >>Fenton, >>PaulAsaran, >>Light_Striker, >>Ranmilia, >>JudgeDeadd, >>eusocialdragon, >>Everyday, >>AndrewRogue and >>CoffeeMinion for taking the time to comment and provide feedback on this story. I appreciate your efforts (particularly you, Ranmilia), and you can be assured that these will be taken into consideration when this story makes the transition to FiMFiction.

This was very much a last minute idea, one which came to me partly formed with about four hours or so until the deadline. I wanted to write and submit it anyway, as it has been a goal of mine to get two stories submitted during a Writeoff round. The tone was intended to mirror that found in the books of younger readers' markets, hence the base simplicity of the prose and concept. Plus I just wanted to try my hand at writing something that was cute, and very little else.

However, it is obvious that the ticking of the clock was against me, and critiques concerning the story's basic nature are difficult to argue against. More work is needed there, to be sure. Same with the pacing, particularly in relation to the scene where they are digging holes. Time and word count was against me there, and the overall effect is pretty jarring.

Okay, key themes from the comments:

Prompt
Yes this is very much a take on the consequences of the prompt statement. The filly in question ignored her imaginary friend, causing it to disappear. Usually this would happen a little later on, perhaps, once stronger (real) friendships have basically replaced them anyway, but in this case Cedric's disappearance was premature, and Minstrel had no friends to fall back on.

What kind of name is "Minstrel"?
Author indulgence alert. Minstrel was the name of a filly in a (discontinued) Pinkie Pie/Trixie friendshipping fic of mine. She was an important character in a particular scene that brought to the fore the idea of friendship being a *desirable* thing for Trixie. She was a singer/storyteller who had a fairly isolated life, and many of her issues resonated with the filly in this particular fic. As such, I largely just imported her over, because I quite liked her character originally, and I felt I should try and do *something* with her.

Why Minuette?
Because Minuette. No, in all seriousness I've been meaning to write a Minuette fic for ages. But (originally) there was an implication within the fic that Minuette harbours a lot of doubts about the strength of her friendships seen in Amending Fences, and Twilight's departure exacerbated those. Unlike Moon Dancer, however, Minuette's reaction went in the other direction, and though she forms more friendships, she worries about how real they are. Which is why her imaginary friend is still with her. An anchor, if you will. But I cut that out on account of it tainting the general tone of the story I wanted to tell. Which leads me to:

That ending, yo
I have to admit, I'm feeling like something of a fraud here. There is repeated talk of a twist ending, and I'd genuinely love to know what this twist is perceived to be. I think some of this is a hangover to the above content, where there may have been a deeper psychological element, but in the end the reference to her own imaginary friend is simply that Minuette continued to embrace those childlike elements of wonder and fun and excitement, and in her own mind "never grew up". The more I watched Amending Fences for reference points, the more I felt that her character would suit having that type of happy-go-lucky youthful perspective. Whether that was what people interpreted as a twist I can't say. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts, and I can only apologise if my delivery of the conclusion falsely gave the story a deeper meaning.

Also, damn right, Petunia. She's awesome, and will be getting more exposure in the rewrite (that whole sand-pit scene needs some expansion).


That's about it for this one, I think. I'll get to my other fic a little later, and will do my best to answer any further comments promptly.

Thanks again!

Not sure if this is still a thing (it was when I last participated, many moons ago), but with a little over 24 hours left the stories with the fewest comments are currently:

Sunrise (7)
Changing of the Guard (8)
Tomorrow (8)
Ticks and Tocks (8)
The Art of Lingering (9)
Structural Faults (9)

All other stories are into double digits. Nice work, everyone.

Last review. Phew.

You've already had some pretty extensive feedback here, and so there's not much more I think I can add. I didn't notice it during the first read through, but now that it has been pointed out I would have to agree that the backstory could have done with a touch lighter hand. Part of me also wonders whether you've crammed just a tad too many layers of emotional conflict for a piece of this length, and that might have allowed for the backstory to have been developed in a lighter manner. But the framing and the imagery and the characterisation are all on point and there's a lot of potential to expand on this even further. Nice drama, thanks for sharing your work.

I liked the intriguing promise of the dystopian setting, but that ending left me feeling cold. It was such a sudden, jarring shift that it ended up undermining quite a strong premise for a punchline that didn't quite work out (for me, at least). But what came before was decent, and I think reworking the conclusion so that it follows that theme, rather than railing against it, would deliver a more satisfying whole. Well, either that or filter some of the elements of that conclusion in at earlier parts of the story.

As it is, a bit of a misfire for me. But there's certainly promise in that premise.

Thanks for sharing your work.

I think I said on another story that for every new attempt at covering old ground, there will be readers who haven't even set foot on said ground. It's true for me here, too. I haven't read, nor heard of, this Petriculture, and so I had no existing material with which to temper my opinion of this story. And I really enjoyed it. Characterisation was great, and I thought the concept was interesting and executed with care. There's no getting around the fact that this is struggling to breathe as a minific though, and the rapid pace and scene hopping feels alien to a story of this nature. I liked the interpretation of the prompt here, too. A little obvious, and yet quite unexpected, which is a good balancing act as far as I'm concerned.

So, it suffers from the restrictions of the round, but I still enjoyed it for what it was. And I hope you consider expanding it in due course.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Personally, I didn't find an issue with the character choices; given the confines of the story they all seem to work and play off each other well enough to me. The setup is pretty amusing but I felt the ending fell a little flat. Keeping it as a prank by Celestia feels like the stronger possible conclusion here, but this is undermined by the admission of the real answer being 'it's magic', and the overall effect is muddied.

Good fun though. Thanks for sharing your work.

Minstrel nodded. “That sounds fun like fun[...]

Fun does sound like fun. Because it's fun.

I jest. We're all allowed the odd typo now and then, and this one certainly otherwise delivers what it sets out to do. Might be a small question mark over the ending, certainly if the previous comments are anything to go by, as it seems to want to straddle two tones/meanings. But maybe that's just how I've interpreted it.

Cute stuff. Thanks for sharing.

I think I'm a little late to the party here. I have to agree with the other comments regarding the slight characterisation quibbles, though on the whole I enjoyed your portrayal of a younger, more vulnerable Dash. Her initial exchange with Dumbbell is suitably charged and sparkly (though I might question the use of the word 'retort' to signal an opening salvo), and:

“You can’t kick me out!” she shouted. “Because I quit!”

feels pretty much spot-on.

I'm personally struggling to see much of the prompt in this, though. But it was still a nice read, and with a little polish could be even more of one.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Almost, almost veers towards becoming too meta for my tastes, but there's enough excellent Starlight characterisation going on to distract me. This is pretty good, though a little more hinting of Twilight's motivations would have given greater depth to the story, and that final entry is befuddling to say the least.

The line about Trixie and Discord is just too hilariously earnest. So Starlight.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Crime/mystery is one of my favourite genres, and so I can be pretty sympathetic to narratives that encourage readers to dust off the ol' grey matter and puzzle stuff out. But here it doesn't seem necessary or relevant to the subject matter or the story you want to tell. As such, I found myself getting a little frustrated trying to piece together who said what, and attempting to link that content to form a set of consistent characterisation. Doubly so, in fact, because you actually have an intriguing premise and make strong inroads towards a piece exploring the impact of Pinkie's departure, and I was far too distracted with who said what to fully appreciate it.

I agree with the others that the ending is very sweet, and I applaud your ambitions with this fic, but it doesn't really do it for me in its current form, I'm afraid.

>>Trick_Question

Thank you in particular!

How's that? :gabbycheer:

I thought this was a pretty cute story. I quite liked the characterisation of both characters, and both the statement Celestial makes about Twilight and Clover, and the part where she tucks Twilight in, are heartwarming and potent in equal measure. I feel like more of the ending needed to be unpacked in order to give the story more purpose and direction, but I still enjoyed this one.

Thanks for sharing your work.

I've really been spoiled by all the bookends this round. This is the fourth fic or so to have them (that I've read, anyway), and these ones are particularly fabulous. And the story itself is beautifully written and full atmospheric imagery to boot. I think that the voice of the ship grants a degree of transference; I didn't have a problem becoming emotionally invested with it, and the fic carries a lot of poignancy and gravity for such a short piece. If this was an OF round then it would be top of my slate. As it isn't, I have to be consistent with my approach to fics that appear to skirt around edges of the pony universe. I think you do just enough to carry you through, and the quality of the prose will probably help out if not.

Thanks for sharing your work,

I'm not sure I can share the enthusiasm of the comments that have already been made here. I was surprised to find that I didn't find the role reversal aspect overly engaging, and Gummi's musings became tired quite quickly. I can't quite put my finger on exactly why it felt that way, which is really annoying as I would want to at least try and offer something more constructive. I'll be sure to give it some more thought.

Then again, maybe it's personal bias... I was never a fan of that original skit in the first place.

Don't let my opinion take anything away from the fact that this is solid execution and a clever premise though. I'll have plenty of time to think on that earlier critique, as this will no doubt make finals.

Thanks for sharing your work.

I'm running short on time to comment on each story, so I'll try to add some value(?) briefly. It's a solid execution of the prompt with worldbuilding that doesn't take centre stage, and characterisation that feels both true and alive. I did find myself agreeing with the comments concerning the plot made by >>Misternick, but this was nevertheless very enjoyable. You've done exceptionally well fitting all this into the word limit.

Thanks for sharing your work.

I love it. I love the characterisation and I love the deft execution of the prompt. I particularly love the ambiguity of the ending. It's all spot on, and it's now sitting pretty at the top of my slate.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Love it.

Is this referenced ad a regional thing? I'm not even sure I understand the context for this, let alone the content. I'll have to abstain, I'm afraid.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Hm. Whilst I think that the ambition of this story could be realised in minific form, I'm not quite convinced that it's there yet. Part of that problem, for me, is that the story appears to switch the source of conflict halfway through; for most of the fic it's about Fluttershy and the bully. Then it's about Fluttershy feeling as though she's never going to make any friends. It's only the latter part of the story that's resolved in the conclusion, and it does give the story an impression of being more tightly constrained than it needed to be. Perhaps just focusing on her inability to make friends or her overcoming the bully, would have helped focus and give the story a better sense of space.

Pretty cute premise, mind. I enjoyed Fluttershy's outburst; I thought that moment was actually quite powerful, and you have some nice observational lines. The rest of it didn't hit home on a consistent basis, and the conclusion somewhat abrupt, but I think there is a strong foundation in place. You just need to give it stronger focus.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Elegantly written, of that there can be no doubt. You've built a strong atmosphere and there are some nice moments. I do enjoy subtle stories, but I have to be honest in that I really struggled to find a way to break through and interpret this one. As a result, the moments that (I presume) were poignant and emotional were a little lost to me, and I didn't quite find myself engaging with it as a result. A solid, aesthetically pleasing story, and one that clearly embraced the prompt, but the overall vagueness left me cold towards the content. It's going to be one of those stories that I look forward to reading the retrospective of however, should you feel the need or desire to write one.

Thanks for sharing your work.

My thoughts are almost entirely aligned with those of >>Light_Striker; I enjoy my puns, but the overall construction became a bit much for me. That's largely personal preference though; there is no denying that it's a solidly written story, though perhaps it would have had more space to breathe in a short story round.

Thanks for sharing your work.

A simple interpretation of the prompt, but framed in a neat premise and excellent execution. Personally, I felt it apparent who the PoV character was from the second paragraph, so I didn't share that thrill, but it also didn't detract the from the experience in any way.

Got a bit cluttered for my tastes towards the end, when compared to the earlier stages of the story, but I really loved the closing lines (and how that phrase served as the spine of the story).

Great stuff. Thanks for sharing.

So Boulder's a jerk. Huh, who knew?

I'm going to echo >>AndrewRogue, in that I'm having difficulty reading this scene in Maud's voice. I know the recent episodes featuring her have developed her character somewhat, but this still didn't feel right (at least, not consistently). But a few others approve, and so perhaps this issue might be down to a matter of perspective.

Otherwise this was a nice little scene that, with some polish, could become a solid addition to Maudlore. I await the inevitable 'Maud and Octavia and Vinyl form an unlikely band' expansion story with interest.

Thanks for sharing your work.

This was a decent minfic; it could be an excellent short story. Lots to enjoy here, from the origins story of Silver and Diamond's (gotta get that order right) friendship, to the awkward moments of isolation felt by poor Silver as she tries to fit in and makes a hash of it.

So much of its potential is tempered by the restrictions of the round, though: even with occasional reasoning, for example, her classmates come across as overly harsh. Maybe that's the point, but you'd give more depth to Silver's change in perspective if her isolation was a little more subtle and nuanced. And, as has already been stated, that perspective change is both sudden and abrupt.

I enjoyed it though (it is a Silver Spoon fic after all), despite those issues, and would jump into an expanded version no questions asked. Thanks for sharing.