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Room 101
It made no sense. One evening, Princess Twilight Sparkle went to bed in her castle. The next morning, she woke up here. She'd been here three days, and it still seemed like a dream... or a nightmare, rather.
Today would have been Twilight's birthday party, ironically. Now there was only one Party, and the Party never stopped. Ever.
She spent most of her time in a very small, pink-covered cell. Even the ceiling and floor were pink. The only decorations in the room were a mirror on the wall by her cot, and a large poster of Pinkie Pie's face covering the opposite wall. Pinkie's abstract, iconic image grinned from ear to ear. At the bottom of the poster were these words, emblazoned in neon fuchsia: "PINKIE PIE IS WATCHING YOU".
This was the morning of the fourth day. As usual Twilight woke to the sounds of Pinkie Pie's laughter over the loudspeaker. Although she didn't find any of this remotely funny, the constant guffawing forced her to stifle her own giggles from bubbling out of her throat.
Twilight Sparkle tried to pretend the laughter wasn't there, but it was inescapable. She tried ignoring it, but the noise wouldn't go away. It seeped into every pore of her body. She lay in her cot, holding her hooves over her ears, but the sound was so loud it hummed through the walls and rattled her bones.
Sadly, magic wasn't an option. There was a fake donut wedged around her horn that she couldn't remove. It was magenta, naturally. At least it matched the stripe in her mane.
Twilight didn't want to leave her cubicle. There were no exits in this madhouse. The only room she hadn't examined was room 101. But room 101 was guarded, and the "PLUSUNSAFE! DOUBLEPLUSFUNNY!" sign on the door made her think twice about looking inside.
Without her magic, all Twilight could do was lie in bed and hope for somepony to come rescue her. But the laughter was slightly less loud in the hallway outside. Just as every morning, after a few minutes of torment, Twilight stepped into the hallway.
Another familiar laugh: Twilight turned to see Rainbow Dash emerging from the adjacent cubicle, giggling wildly. "Hi there! It was Twilight, right?" she asked, before breaking into peals of laughter. "You should sit with me at cakefast today! It's plusgood to be unenemies! I'm so unstuffed—I guessthink what cakefast will be?"
Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. "Cakefast—I mean, breakfast, is going to be cake. It's always cake. Just like lunch, dinner, and 'midnight caketime'."
"Cakeunch and cakeinner," corrected Dash. "No use ponispeak is pooperthink, Twilight."
"No! I need to get out of here! I need to get away from the Party!"
Rainbow Dash gasped. "PP! PP! Twilight Sparkle doubleplusungood horsecrimethink!" she shouted.
"Stop, please!" giggled Twilight, gasping for air after Minuette pulled off the laughing gas mask.
Minuette smiled and tickled Twilight's exposed tummy, causing her to shake against her bonds in the dentist's chair. "Any questions, silly pony?"
"Yes! Yes, just stop!" gasped Twilight. Minuette turned off the nitrous and ceased her assault.
Twilight breathed deep. "I need to speak to Pinkie Pie."
"You are speaking to Pinkie," said Minuette.
"No. I mean... is Pinkie Pie a real pony?"
"Of course. The Party is real, and Pinkie Pie is the embodiment of the Party."
"Is she a real pony, like me?"
"You are not a real pony, silly!" Minuette poked Twilight in the ribs, forcing out a giggle. "You're a partypooper."
"What are you going to do?"
"Do you want a vision of the future?" asked Minuette. "Imagine a tiny hoof, booping a pony on the nose, forever."
She unstrapped Twilight and led her down the hall to room 101.
"What's in room 101?" asked Twilight, fearfully.
"Room LOL," corrected Minuette. "The most wonderful thing in the world." She pushed Twilight inside. It was dark, and then lights came on...
"SURPRISE!!! Happy birthday!" shouted Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight's other friends looked angry.
"We're so sorry, Twilight," said Fluttershy, frowning. "We told her she went too far this time."
"We tried to stop them both, darling. But after they went to all this trouble, we figured we'd go along with it, and then it was too late," said Rarity.
Twilight fell to her knees and began to laugh maniacally. "I love you, Pinkie!!!" she screamed, rolling around on the floor.
Applejack facehooved and sighed. "Dammit, you two. I'll go fetch a therapist."
Today would have been Twilight's birthday party, ironically. Now there was only one Party, and the Party never stopped. Ever.
She spent most of her time in a very small, pink-covered cell. Even the ceiling and floor were pink. The only decorations in the room were a mirror on the wall by her cot, and a large poster of Pinkie Pie's face covering the opposite wall. Pinkie's abstract, iconic image grinned from ear to ear. At the bottom of the poster were these words, emblazoned in neon fuchsia: "PINKIE PIE IS WATCHING YOU".
This was the morning of the fourth day. As usual Twilight woke to the sounds of Pinkie Pie's laughter over the loudspeaker. Although she didn't find any of this remotely funny, the constant guffawing forced her to stifle her own giggles from bubbling out of her throat.
Twilight Sparkle tried to pretend the laughter wasn't there, but it was inescapable. She tried ignoring it, but the noise wouldn't go away. It seeped into every pore of her body. She lay in her cot, holding her hooves over her ears, but the sound was so loud it hummed through the walls and rattled her bones.
Sadly, magic wasn't an option. There was a fake donut wedged around her horn that she couldn't remove. It was magenta, naturally. At least it matched the stripe in her mane.
Twilight didn't want to leave her cubicle. There were no exits in this madhouse. The only room she hadn't examined was room 101. But room 101 was guarded, and the "PLUSUNSAFE! DOUBLEPLUSFUNNY!" sign on the door made her think twice about looking inside.
Without her magic, all Twilight could do was lie in bed and hope for somepony to come rescue her. But the laughter was slightly less loud in the hallway outside. Just as every morning, after a few minutes of torment, Twilight stepped into the hallway.
Another familiar laugh: Twilight turned to see Rainbow Dash emerging from the adjacent cubicle, giggling wildly. "Hi there! It was Twilight, right?" she asked, before breaking into peals of laughter. "You should sit with me at cakefast today! It's plusgood to be unenemies! I'm so unstuffed—I guessthink what cakefast will be?"
Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. "Cakefast—I mean, breakfast, is going to be cake. It's always cake. Just like lunch, dinner, and 'midnight caketime'."
"Cakeunch and cakeinner," corrected Dash. "No use ponispeak is pooperthink, Twilight."
"No! I need to get out of here! I need to get away from the Party!"
Rainbow Dash gasped. "PP! PP! Twilight Sparkle doubleplusungood horsecrimethink!" she shouted.
"Stop, please!" giggled Twilight, gasping for air after Minuette pulled off the laughing gas mask.
Minuette smiled and tickled Twilight's exposed tummy, causing her to shake against her bonds in the dentist's chair. "Any questions, silly pony?"
"Yes! Yes, just stop!" gasped Twilight. Minuette turned off the nitrous and ceased her assault.
Twilight breathed deep. "I need to speak to Pinkie Pie."
"You are speaking to Pinkie," said Minuette.
"No. I mean... is Pinkie Pie a real pony?"
"Of course. The Party is real, and Pinkie Pie is the embodiment of the Party."
"Is she a real pony, like me?"
"You are not a real pony, silly!" Minuette poked Twilight in the ribs, forcing out a giggle. "You're a partypooper."
"What are you going to do?"
"Do you want a vision of the future?" asked Minuette. "Imagine a tiny hoof, booping a pony on the nose, forever."
She unstrapped Twilight and led her down the hall to room 101.
"What's in room 101?" asked Twilight, fearfully.
"Room LOL," corrected Minuette. "The most wonderful thing in the world." She pushed Twilight inside. It was dark, and then lights came on...
"SURPRISE!!! Happy birthday!" shouted Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. Twilight's other friends looked angry.
"We're so sorry, Twilight," said Fluttershy, frowning. "We told her she went too far this time."
"We tried to stop them both, darling. But after they went to all this trouble, we figured we'd go along with it, and then it was too late," said Rarity.
Twilight fell to her knees and began to laugh maniacally. "I love you, Pinkie!!!" she screamed, rolling around on the floor.
Applejack facehooved and sighed. "Dammit, you two. I'll go fetch a therapist."
I'm find myself not quite sure if this is actually supposed to be a comedy, or if it's something else. I didn't find it funny myself. It felt like a heavy-handed ponification of 1984 or THX-1138 for the most part, neither of which are funny. The bit that threw me right out of it though is the end. That it's actually an elaborate multi-day "prank" is just... WTF? It's the standard "it was all just a dream" cop-out trope that tries to excuse why nothing else makes sense.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it feels like greentext fever dreams from /b/ rather than a real story. If I even try to dissect the logic, it falls apart immediately. As such, this is less a story and more one of those things that's a sight-gag. If this was a 60 second youtube clip, (and you squeezed in Flufflepuff somewhere) I'd probably laugh. But in written form... I'm afraid it just doesn't work for me.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it feels like greentext fever dreams from /b/ rather than a real story. If I even try to dissect the logic, it falls apart immediately. As such, this is less a story and more one of those things that's a sight-gag. If this was a 60 second youtube clip, (and you squeezed in Flufflepuff somewhere) I'd probably laugh. But in written form... I'm afraid it just doesn't work for me.
I could maybe imagine Pinkie pulling a prank like this on Twilight for ten minutes, tops. Can you imagine actually kidnapping one of your friends, forcing them into handcuffs and brainwashing them for three days, all to spring a surprise party? It would be a great way to lose a friend, wouldn't it?
I can approach this story as a comic dystopia under Nightmare Pinkamena, but the attempt to connect it back to a normal MLP continuity is very jarring. These considerations spoiled the fun for me. Sorry, Author.
I can approach this story as a comic dystopia under Nightmare Pinkamena, but the attempt to connect it back to a normal MLP continuity is very jarring. These considerations spoiled the fun for me. Sorry, Author.
I actually enjoyed this a lot, up until the end -- it feels like a clever and genuinely creepy take on 1984 (the "Party"; room "LOL" - great ideas there). The ending, however, is downright jarring and doesn't really fit the rest of the story; nowhere but in the world of utterly nonsensical comedy would Twilight's friends subject her to several days of torture like that. Also, why'd Twilight suddenly go insane for no reason at the end?
Oof, this premise really needed to decide what it wanted to be. It has a lot of clever bits that fuse together well in the setting of the main part, but the lack of anyone doing anything sooner about the ending, if that is indeed what it seems, just catapults it into going splat. Even 28 Pranks Later doesn't go anywhere near this far, or alternatively, what happened there should have happened here with a different target.
Pretty much what everyone else said, with the exception being that I found it genuinely amusing, flaws and all (the ending feels like that of Poetry for Children, but played straight).
Y'all are jus' doubleplusungood partypoopers.
Y'all are jus' doubleplusungood partypoopers.
I'm with >>JudgeDeadd here. Pretty nice take on the prompt, clever use of Orwell’s references throughout the text, but the end feels weak and spoils the rest.
Overall, I'm still more more amused by this one than by Bliss of Ignorance.
Overall, I'm still more more amused by this one than by Bliss of Ignorance.
To tell the truth, I didn't really feel much for this one. As others have stated, it feels really cruel for Pinkie and Rainbow to cage Twilight like that, especially for something like a surprise birthday party.
It's also confusing, going from a 1984 re-education camp type location (I serious wondered if Twilight had crossed over into Fallout: Equestria) to being in a dentist's chair getting examined by Minuette and then the whole party thing. There's too much of a 'what is this supposed to be?' vibe for me to really get attached to it.
Thanks for sharing, though!
It's also confusing, going from a 1984 re-education camp type location (I serious wondered if Twilight had crossed over into Fallout: Equestria) to being in a dentist's chair getting examined by Minuette and then the whole party thing. There's too much of a 'what is this supposed to be?' vibe for me to really get attached to it.
Thanks for sharing, though!
I liked the intriguing promise of the dystopian setting, but that ending left me feeling cold. It was such a sudden, jarring shift that it ended up undermining quite a strong premise for a punchline that didn't quite work out (for me, at least). But what came before was decent, and I think reworking the conclusion so that it follows that theme, rather than railing against it, would deliver a more satisfying whole. Well, either that or filter some of the elements of that conclusion in at earlier parts of the story.
As it is, a bit of a misfire for me. But there's certainly promise in that premise.
Thanks for sharing your work.
As it is, a bit of a misfire for me. But there's certainly promise in that premise.
Thanks for sharing your work.
Post by
Trick_Question
, deleted
Room 101
Thanks to all who reviewed the story, even though the main flaw was obvious (the deus ex at the end was nonsensical):
>>Xepher >>GroaningGreyAgony >>JudgeDeadd >>Light_Striker >>Posh >>Monokeras >>eusocialdragon >>Ceffyl_Dwr
This is what happens when Trickster tries to come up with an ending for a story at 4am.
The story is, as several noted, a direct parody of 1984. The problem is that I wanted to make a lighthearted dystopian comedy in 750 horse words, and that is beyond my level of skill. So I tried to deus ex the ending to make it less dismal, and that didn't make any sense. I'm probably going to write this as a longer story, change up the ending, and make it more lighthearted throughout. I really don't think Twilight Sparkle should be the protagonist, though, because that tinyhorse dramas-up any situation where she isn't insane from word one.
Then again, maybe I won't write it. I can make it very funny, but it's still parody, and parody is kind of crap. Satire is much better (satire is when you use parody to make a point, sometimes sarcastically to make the opposite point). Parody feels to me like a weak form of plagiarism. But I do have a lot of humor I could squeeze out of this; which, while still relying entirely on the source material, contains enough originality for me maybe not to hate it.
We'll see.
Thanks to all who reviewed the story, even though the main flaw was obvious (the deus ex at the end was nonsensical):
>>Xepher >>GroaningGreyAgony >>JudgeDeadd >>Light_Striker >>Posh >>Monokeras >>eusocialdragon >>Ceffyl_Dwr
This is what happens when Trickster tries to come up with an ending for a story at 4am.
The story is, as several noted, a direct parody of 1984. The problem is that I wanted to make a lighthearted dystopian comedy in 750 horse words, and that is beyond my level of skill. So I tried to deus ex the ending to make it less dismal, and that didn't make any sense. I'm probably going to write this as a longer story, change up the ending, and make it more lighthearted throughout. I really don't think Twilight Sparkle should be the protagonist, though, because that tinyhorse dramas-up any situation where she isn't insane from word one.
Then again, maybe I won't write it. I can make it very funny, but it's still parody, and parody is kind of crap. Satire is much better (satire is when you use parody to make a point, sometimes sarcastically to make the opposite point). Parody feels to me like a weak form of plagiarism. But I do have a lot of humor I could squeeze out of this; which, while still relying entirely on the source material, contains enough originality for me maybe not to hate it.
We'll see.