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Do We Have Eyeballs?
“Apple Bloom, it’s not even sunrise yet. It’s too early for stupid questions.”
“It’s not a stupid question!” Apple Bloom stomped. “I was up all night ‘cause of this and I had to catch you first thing.”
Applejack wandered over to the stove and switched it on, then took a tea kettle to the sink. She scratched at her face. “All right, then. Explain. I’m listening.”
“It’s just… we were learning about geometry the other day. 3D n’ stuff, so spheres and cubes and the like.” Apple Bloom held up a small mirror to her face. “So looking at my eye, it’s not really all that curved. Almost flat. Means my eyeballs are pretty big, right?”
Applejack lowered her head and stared at Apple Bloom’s eye. “Yeah, okay. We got big eyes.”
“Right,” Apple Bloom said, “and if it were a sphere, it’d have to just about wrap all the way around the inside of my head, wouldn’t it?”
Applejack grimaced, turning the filly’s head to examine her eyeball’s curvature. “But that ain’t right. That doesn’t leave any space for the brain.”
“That’s what I was thought. That’s what I was up all night about!” Apple Bloom opened her mouth wide. “Doesn’t leave any space for the mouth either. Or the nose tubes. And don’t the ears have tubes, too?”
Applejack’s eyebrows crinkled as she slowly turned off the stove.
“Here,” Twilight said, yawning as she floated a plastic pony skull over to Applejack. “I was going to give this to Cheerilee eventually for educational—”
“Good. Sooner the better,” Applejack said. She shared the skull with Apple Bloom.
“I mean, the eye holes are about eye-sized,” Apple Bloom whispered. “Hard to tell how deep it goes, though.”
“Too dark,” Applejack muttered. “Hey Twilight, isn’t there supposed to be some bone or something between the eyeballs?”
“Um, yes, probably. I would assume so.” Twilight rubbed her eye, then paused. “Why? Is… is that not in there?
“No, it’s not.” Applejack lifted the skull up against the light of the rising sun. “You got a flashlight or something, Twi?”
She most certainly did. Minutes later, Applejack shone the light inside the skull through one eyehole and peered in through the other.
“Well?” Twilight said, standing behind Applejack to get a peek.
Applejack could only frown deeper. “See for yourself.”
Twilight took Applejack’s place in front of the eye socket. “That can’t be right. It looks like the eye socket goes all the way… to the back…”
“Yes, this is a pony skull,” Celestia said.
“But are you sure it’s a pony skull?” Twilight said. “How positive? Is it just the outside of the skull, maybe? It is a plastic replica, after all. Is there anything on there that you’d say is, I don’t know, anomalous? Odd? Blasphemic? Anything like that?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, there is something odd about this skull.”
Twilight’s wings perked up. She, Applejack, and Apple Bloom drew in close. “What? What is it?”
Celestia smiled. “It’s missing the rest of the body. Legs, arms, all that.” She ignored her student’s eye roll and set the skull down. “But yes, Twilight, this is an ordinary pony skull as far as I can tell.”
Twilight exhaled. “Okay. Then can you please explain why the skull has one large, spherical cavity that goes from the back of the skull to the eye holes? Both eye holes?”
“Well, yes. That’s because ponies have one eyeball.”
Twilight’s lips carefully curled into an ‘O’ shape, threatening to retort but ultimately failing.
“Yes. One eyeball. It’s giant, and takes up about the size of the whole head. Two pupils, two irises, one big eyeball.”
Twilight squinted, looking to Applejack and Apple Bloom for help but receiving none. “That… that’s not what they taught us in school. All creatures have two eyeballs.”
“Most creatures. Ponies have one.” Celestia waved her hoof. “And zebras, and giraffes, and a few others.”
“But, but…” Twilight paced. “Where’s the space for the brain? And the nasal passages? The ear canals?”
“All very small, and very efficient,” Celestia said. “Sometimes even I stop to marvel at how complex and weird and wonderful us ponies are.”
Twilight and Applejack and Apple Bloom didn’t stick around to marvel with her. Instead they saw themselves out, muttering and frowning to each other.
Once alone, Celestia giggled, having chosen not tell them that their skull was a hollowed-out cheap plastic replica. After all, “it’s magic” was a much more boring explanation.
“It’s not a stupid question!” Apple Bloom stomped. “I was up all night ‘cause of this and I had to catch you first thing.”
Applejack wandered over to the stove and switched it on, then took a tea kettle to the sink. She scratched at her face. “All right, then. Explain. I’m listening.”
“It’s just… we were learning about geometry the other day. 3D n’ stuff, so spheres and cubes and the like.” Apple Bloom held up a small mirror to her face. “So looking at my eye, it’s not really all that curved. Almost flat. Means my eyeballs are pretty big, right?”
Applejack lowered her head and stared at Apple Bloom’s eye. “Yeah, okay. We got big eyes.”
“Right,” Apple Bloom said, “and if it were a sphere, it’d have to just about wrap all the way around the inside of my head, wouldn’t it?”
Applejack grimaced, turning the filly’s head to examine her eyeball’s curvature. “But that ain’t right. That doesn’t leave any space for the brain.”
“That’s what I was thought. That’s what I was up all night about!” Apple Bloom opened her mouth wide. “Doesn’t leave any space for the mouth either. Or the nose tubes. And don’t the ears have tubes, too?”
Applejack’s eyebrows crinkled as she slowly turned off the stove.
“Here,” Twilight said, yawning as she floated a plastic pony skull over to Applejack. “I was going to give this to Cheerilee eventually for educational—”
“Good. Sooner the better,” Applejack said. She shared the skull with Apple Bloom.
“I mean, the eye holes are about eye-sized,” Apple Bloom whispered. “Hard to tell how deep it goes, though.”
“Too dark,” Applejack muttered. “Hey Twilight, isn’t there supposed to be some bone or something between the eyeballs?”
“Um, yes, probably. I would assume so.” Twilight rubbed her eye, then paused. “Why? Is… is that not in there?
“No, it’s not.” Applejack lifted the skull up against the light of the rising sun. “You got a flashlight or something, Twi?”
She most certainly did. Minutes later, Applejack shone the light inside the skull through one eyehole and peered in through the other.
“Well?” Twilight said, standing behind Applejack to get a peek.
Applejack could only frown deeper. “See for yourself.”
Twilight took Applejack’s place in front of the eye socket. “That can’t be right. It looks like the eye socket goes all the way… to the back…”
“Yes, this is a pony skull,” Celestia said.
“But are you sure it’s a pony skull?” Twilight said. “How positive? Is it just the outside of the skull, maybe? It is a plastic replica, after all. Is there anything on there that you’d say is, I don’t know, anomalous? Odd? Blasphemic? Anything like that?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, there is something odd about this skull.”
Twilight’s wings perked up. She, Applejack, and Apple Bloom drew in close. “What? What is it?”
Celestia smiled. “It’s missing the rest of the body. Legs, arms, all that.” She ignored her student’s eye roll and set the skull down. “But yes, Twilight, this is an ordinary pony skull as far as I can tell.”
Twilight exhaled. “Okay. Then can you please explain why the skull has one large, spherical cavity that goes from the back of the skull to the eye holes? Both eye holes?”
“Well, yes. That’s because ponies have one eyeball.”
Twilight’s lips carefully curled into an ‘O’ shape, threatening to retort but ultimately failing.
“Yes. One eyeball. It’s giant, and takes up about the size of the whole head. Two pupils, two irises, one big eyeball.”
Twilight squinted, looking to Applejack and Apple Bloom for help but receiving none. “That… that’s not what they taught us in school. All creatures have two eyeballs.”
“Most creatures. Ponies have one.” Celestia waved her hoof. “And zebras, and giraffes, and a few others.”
“But, but…” Twilight paced. “Where’s the space for the brain? And the nasal passages? The ear canals?”
“All very small, and very efficient,” Celestia said. “Sometimes even I stop to marvel at how complex and weird and wonderful us ponies are.”
Twilight and Applejack and Apple Bloom didn’t stick around to marvel with her. Instead they saw themselves out, muttering and frowning to each other.
Once alone, Celestia giggled, having chosen not tell them that their skull was a hollowed-out cheap plastic replica. After all, “it’s magic” was a much more boring explanation.
This was good fun. I love a story that pokes a bit of fun at the conventions of the medium (i.e. giant cartoon eyes), and which takes its silliness seriously.
That said, I think the character choices could use a rethink. AJ and Applebloom to start, fine. But Twilight not knowing basic pony anatomy seems like it's pushing it--and since it's "pushing it" in a way not directly related to the central silliness of your fic, it sticks out to me.
I'm spitballing, but what about keeping this all Apple-centric? AJ goes to ask Big Mac, who pulls a Nightmare Night decoration out of storage for examination, and when they see there's just one big hole, they take it to Granny Smith, who gives them basically the same explanation (with the same reveal) as Celestia in your current writing. There are lots of combinations of characters you could use, of course, but that's one quartet that would fit your current roles, character-wise, off the top of my head.
Even as-written, the humor is there. Tweak the characterization a bit to play to character's type instead of against it, and I think you've got a great comic minific!
That said, I think the character choices could use a rethink. AJ and Applebloom to start, fine. But Twilight not knowing basic pony anatomy seems like it's pushing it--and since it's "pushing it" in a way not directly related to the central silliness of your fic, it sticks out to me.
I'm spitballing, but what about keeping this all Apple-centric? AJ goes to ask Big Mac, who pulls a Nightmare Night decoration out of storage for examination, and when they see there's just one big hole, they take it to Granny Smith, who gives them basically the same explanation (with the same reveal) as Celestia in your current writing. There are lots of combinations of characters you could use, of course, but that's one quartet that would fit your current roles, character-wise, off the top of my head.
Even as-written, the humor is there. Tweak the characterization a bit to play to character's type instead of against it, and I think you've got a great comic minific!
I like the premise, but this feels way OOC for Twilight and Celestia: they're too serious, and the former too knowledgeable and knowledgeably resourceful, and the latter too highly trusted and conscious of it, for a joke like this to not completely derail or terminate upon encountering them. This doesn't work as a princess story at all, and the more explicit motivation at the very end for leaving everypony under a hoax falls flat too. But the same premise could work executed differently.
Aside from the Twilight thing, why didn't they try Cheerilee? It's not that they just didn't think of it, surely, since Applejack mentions her by name?
Hmm, I wonder if Rainbow Dash would fit in nicely somewhere here.
The phrase "3D n' stuff" feels weird for Apple Bloom. A lot of the voicing feels a little off in general. I like the gag about what's strange about the object. Some of the descriptions squick me a little too much and mar the humor, but there's some meat in there (hah) if you dig some more.
Aside from the Twilight thing, why didn't they try Cheerilee? It's not that they just didn't think of it, surely, since Applejack mentions her by name?
Hmm, I wonder if Rainbow Dash would fit in nicely somewhere here.
The phrase "3D n' stuff" feels weird for Apple Bloom. A lot of the voicing feels a little off in general. I like the gag about what's strange about the object. Some of the descriptions squick me a little too much and mar the humor, but there's some meat in there (hah) if you dig some more.
I've ran across this discussion of literally interpreting pony anatomy before, so it was interesting to see it reflected in a story.
Amused by the 'kid persistently asking troublesome questions' theme.
Character voices were generally solid. Since when does Twilight need a flashlight, though? It shouldn't take her minutes to light up her horn.
Trollestia isn't my usual headcanon, but it works with the story. It seems like a lot of effort to go to for a prank, though. Was it specifically them, or has she been putting one over the entire educational system?
Gotta admit that given the setting, 'it's magic' pretty much seems like the most logical explanation.
Amused by the 'kid persistently asking troublesome questions' theme.
Character voices were generally solid. Since when does Twilight need a flashlight, though? It shouldn't take her minutes to light up her horn.
Trollestia isn't my usual headcanon, but it works with the story. It seems like a lot of effort to go to for a prank, though. Was it specifically them, or has she been putting one over the entire educational system?
Gotta admit that given the setting, 'it's magic' pretty much seems like the most logical explanation.
So what you're saying is that pony heads are bigger on the inside?
I've never cared much for Trollestia, but I have no other real problems with this. It does what it sets out to, and it does it well enough.
I've never cared much for Trollestia, but I have no other real problems with this. It does what it sets out to, and it does it well enough.
Personally, I didn't find an issue with the character choices; given the confines of the story they all seem to work and play off each other well enough to me. The setup is pretty amusing but I felt the ending fell a little flat. Keeping it as a prank by Celestia feels like the stronger possible conclusion here, but this is undermined by the admission of the real answer being 'it's magic', and the overall effect is muddied.
Good fun though. Thanks for sharing your work.
Good fun though. Thanks for sharing your work.
Ahh, Kos... or some say, Kosm... Do you hear our prayers? Grant us eyes, grant us eyes! Plant eyes on our brains to cleanse us of this beastly idiocy!
I giggled. I generally agree that choosing Twilight for this is a bit off (I mean, I feel she would have had to notice this), but otherwise it is a cute little thing that's a good use of the prompt. No real complaints here.
I giggled. I generally agree that choosing Twilight for this is a bit off (I mean, I feel she would have had to notice this), but otherwise it is a cute little thing that's a good use of the prompt. No real complaints here.
A great literal-minded question to ask... and the "only one eyeball" is a fun twist too... but the end just falls flat. The meta-answer/parody kinda ruins the "serious inquiry" mood the rest had set. I wanted some deep dark secret about pony anatomy (their brains are in their chests?) instead of a fandom meta-joke.
I'll agree with >>Light_Striker that Twilight was a bad choice as a character. She presumably has some anatomy textbooks in her library, and would definitely hit the books first, rather than taking Applejack and Apple Bloom on a long trip all the way to Canterlot just to bother Celestia about elementary-school biology.
Same as everyone else. The use of Twilight is sort of required to drive the curiosity angle, but then calls attention to the core problem of "why hasn't anyone figured this out already?"
I think this comes down to a missed balance between the serious and comedic aspects - it starts out looking like a serious inquiry that's going to end up at "AHHH WE'RE CARTOONS NOTHING'S REAL" or, later, some creepy or darkly cute body horror, but then just goes for some understated jokes that would have worked better with a lighter comedic start. Pick the creepy or the funny angle and run with one or the other, and this should clean up nicely.
Other than that, prose is fine, pretty standard "baffle Nerdy Twilight until she gets the answer" character fluff. Thanks for writing!
I think this comes down to a missed balance between the serious and comedic aspects - it starts out looking like a serious inquiry that's going to end up at "AHHH WE'RE CARTOONS NOTHING'S REAL" or, later, some creepy or darkly cute body horror, but then just goes for some understated jokes that would have worked better with a lighter comedic start. Pick the creepy or the funny angle and run with one or the other, and this should clean up nicely.
Other than that, prose is fine, pretty standard "baffle Nerdy Twilight until she gets the answer" character fluff. Thanks for writing!