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The Thousandth Year
“No, Twilight.” Luna shook her head while she set aside a scroll. “I will not raise the sun so far above the horizon.”
“But Princess, these experiments are very promising!” Twilight said. “Tests under artificial lights show that increased sunlight intensity could greatly improve crop growth. It might be the thing that finally ends the famine. Ponies would be healthier. Lives could be saved, even!”
“My dear student,” Luna sighed, “for centuries, I have conceded to the necessary evil of sunlight by allowing a twilight period to persist for most of each day. I’m sorry, but this must be sufficient. I cannot risk placing the blazing eye directly overhead.”
“Princess Luna, you assigned me to find a way to end this famine,” Twilight persisted. “And I did! Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“You know very well what I meant.”
“What I know is I found an answer, entirely within your power, to something we desperately need.” Twilight stared at Luna with determination. She scuffed at the hard stone floor with one forehoof, as if she could hold her ground by stubbornly digging in. “So why won’t you even listen?! You could—”
“That is quite enough, Miss Sparkle!” Luna’s voice echoed through the royal court, leaving an uncomfortable tension in its wake.
Twilight’s ears fell as her resolve crumbled, knowing she’d pushed too far.
“I know it may be hard to understand, Twilight. But you do not know the sun as I did, so long ago.” Luna’s voice softened while she paced a few steps. “You have not seen the destruction wrought in her fiery wrath. I know only too harshly that the light that gives life can also take it. However many more crops it may grow, I cannot bear to hang that danger unrestrained over the heads of my little ponies.”
Twilight lowered her head and stared at the floor contritely. “I’m sorry, Princess.”
After a moment, she felt a comforting hoof rest on her withers, and looked up.
“That’s quite alright.” Luna smiled down at her. “Though we may not always see things the same way, never forget how proud I am of you, my student.”
Though this lifted Twilight’s heart to hear, it also left her puzzled. True to Luna’s word, there was pride in her voice... but something else too, something distant... a sadness... and maybe... regret?
“You have always done what you truly believe is right,” Luna continued. “Never stop. Not for anypony. Not even me.”
“You’re saying... you want me to disobey you?” Twilight felt confused.
“I’m saying I want you to find a solution to this famine,” Luna corrected her. “And when you do, I want you to do what you know you must.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
Lost in thought, Luna stared off at the stained-glass windows of the palace, glowing richly from the light of the perpetually low-hanging sun shining through them.
“When the time comes, dear student... you will.”
Twilight spent hours thoroughly digging through the stack of books Spike fetched for her, trying to console her disappointment over the rejection of her proposed solution with an effort to understand Luna’s feelings about the sun. Maybe she could be reasoned with, if approached from her own perspective.
No easy feat, though. Book after book had not so much as a mention of that distant past conflict.
Then, finally, something! It made her leery that it was in a tome titled Ancient Astronomical and Astrological Myths, but there wasn’t much else left that was any better.
“‘In the thousandth year, the planets will align to aid her escape’?” Twilight frowned. It was, coincidentally, only days until the thousandth Lunar Year started. The ceremony was in some middle-of-nowhere earth pony town, too, she remembered off-hoof.
Twilight started drafting a letter to Luna, detailing her discovery and recommending that precautions be taken. She knew it was silly, and she’d probably be chided, but better safe than sorry.
Halfway through writing, though, she became increasingly bothered by a strange misgiving.
Surely the tale of ‘Solar Flare’ escaping was just a myth, anyway, but...
“...Why do I feel... like it might not be such a bad thing...?” she whispered to herself.
Slowly, Twilight crumpled up the letter, and tossed it in the fireplace.
“But Princess, these experiments are very promising!” Twilight said. “Tests under artificial lights show that increased sunlight intensity could greatly improve crop growth. It might be the thing that finally ends the famine. Ponies would be healthier. Lives could be saved, even!”
“My dear student,” Luna sighed, “for centuries, I have conceded to the necessary evil of sunlight by allowing a twilight period to persist for most of each day. I’m sorry, but this must be sufficient. I cannot risk placing the blazing eye directly overhead.”
“Princess Luna, you assigned me to find a way to end this famine,” Twilight persisted. “And I did! Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“You know very well what I meant.”
“What I know is I found an answer, entirely within your power, to something we desperately need.” Twilight stared at Luna with determination. She scuffed at the hard stone floor with one forehoof, as if she could hold her ground by stubbornly digging in. “So why won’t you even listen?! You could—”
“That is quite enough, Miss Sparkle!” Luna’s voice echoed through the royal court, leaving an uncomfortable tension in its wake.
Twilight’s ears fell as her resolve crumbled, knowing she’d pushed too far.
“I know it may be hard to understand, Twilight. But you do not know the sun as I did, so long ago.” Luna’s voice softened while she paced a few steps. “You have not seen the destruction wrought in her fiery wrath. I know only too harshly that the light that gives life can also take it. However many more crops it may grow, I cannot bear to hang that danger unrestrained over the heads of my little ponies.”
Twilight lowered her head and stared at the floor contritely. “I’m sorry, Princess.”
After a moment, she felt a comforting hoof rest on her withers, and looked up.
“That’s quite alright.” Luna smiled down at her. “Though we may not always see things the same way, never forget how proud I am of you, my student.”
Though this lifted Twilight’s heart to hear, it also left her puzzled. True to Luna’s word, there was pride in her voice... but something else too, something distant... a sadness... and maybe... regret?
“You have always done what you truly believe is right,” Luna continued. “Never stop. Not for anypony. Not even me.”
“You’re saying... you want me to disobey you?” Twilight felt confused.
“I’m saying I want you to find a solution to this famine,” Luna corrected her. “And when you do, I want you to do what you know you must.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
Lost in thought, Luna stared off at the stained-glass windows of the palace, glowing richly from the light of the perpetually low-hanging sun shining through them.
“When the time comes, dear student... you will.”
Twilight spent hours thoroughly digging through the stack of books Spike fetched for her, trying to console her disappointment over the rejection of her proposed solution with an effort to understand Luna’s feelings about the sun. Maybe she could be reasoned with, if approached from her own perspective.
No easy feat, though. Book after book had not so much as a mention of that distant past conflict.
Then, finally, something! It made her leery that it was in a tome titled Ancient Astronomical and Astrological Myths, but there wasn’t much else left that was any better.
The sun, which our Princess never raises now far beyond the horizon, is the prison of Solar Flare. She is subdued within, and will be for centuries. However, in the thousandth year, the planets will align to aid her escape.
“‘In the thousandth year, the planets will align to aid her escape’?” Twilight frowned. It was, coincidentally, only days until the thousandth Lunar Year started. The ceremony was in some middle-of-nowhere earth pony town, too, she remembered off-hoof.
Twilight started drafting a letter to Luna, detailing her discovery and recommending that precautions be taken. She knew it was silly, and she’d probably be chided, but better safe than sorry.
Halfway through writing, though, she became increasingly bothered by a strange misgiving.
Surely the tale of ‘Solar Flare’ escaping was just a myth, anyway, but...
“...Why do I feel... like it might not be such a bad thing...?” she whispered to herself.
Slowly, Twilight crumpled up the letter, and tossed it in the fireplace.
My apologies in advance. Between work and an ongoing multichapter story, the odds of me reviewing every story aren’t looking good. I’ll give it a shot, but I can’t make any promises.
As for this story, it’s an interesting take on the usual reversal of the diarchs’ roles, leaving a lot of intriguing uncertainty regarding just how the ancient conflict unfolded. Plus, it’s a clever take on the prompt, all of Equestria existing in a literal zone of twilight. In all, a very promising opening to the competition, though it doesn’t quite feel complete. While I love how many questions it raises, I can’t say the same for how many it leaves unanswered. Still, a very strong contender.
As for this story, it’s an interesting take on the usual reversal of the diarchs’ roles, leaving a lot of intriguing uncertainty regarding just how the ancient conflict unfolded. Plus, it’s a clever take on the prompt, all of Equestria existing in a literal zone of twilight. In all, a very promising opening to the competition, though it doesn’t quite feel complete. While I love how many questions it raises, I can’t say the same for how many it leaves unanswered. Still, a very strong contender.
This may be my favorite among the stories I've been allotted. Whereas a lot of stories of this length fall apart (or at least crack) at the end, here the last sentence ties the whole thing together. The moral that one should know when to disobey is one I am all for, and it is unfortunately a rare one.
I have always liked the idea behind the "what-if" stories of Luna, or even Nightmare Moon, having won the power struggle, and the future ramifications. I like this one in particular because it doesn't overreach itself, as these epic AUs tend to. I also find no bones in the narrative or character voices.
Therefore, I am reduced to picking nits. The interrobang (?!) is used in comic books, but is a poor fit for prose writing, and I always recommend avoiding it altogether. I also see a few cases of ellipsis-itis--that is, overuse of the ellipsis as a crutch. Different phrasing, or alternate punctuation marks, tend to make for stronger prose.
I have always liked the idea behind the "what-if" stories of Luna, or even Nightmare Moon, having won the power struggle, and the future ramifications. I like this one in particular because it doesn't overreach itself, as these epic AUs tend to. I also find no bones in the narrative or character voices.
Therefore, I am reduced to picking nits. The interrobang (?!) is used in comic books, but is a poor fit for prose writing, and I always recommend avoiding it altogether. I also see a few cases of ellipsis-itis--that is, overuse of the ellipsis as a crutch. Different phrasing, or alternate punctuation marks, tend to make for stronger prose.
Genre: Twilight Imperium (sorry)
Thoughts: I ran into some major stumbling blocks with the logic underpinning the plot. Chief among them: Celestia raised the moon during NMM's banishment; why no reciprocity if the roles reverse? Especially if there's an actual good reason that Luna even acknowledges for why she should consider it. Double especially since Twilight is led to a decision at the end that feels principled-ish until I stop and ask what's likely to happen from here? Twilight doesn't get the Elements, and Ascendent Sun Goddess actually does bake everything? I can't get on board with her overlooking that possibility, however much she might want to believe she's making the right choice.
I dunno. The writing is of quality, and it could certainly grow into something that would answer the questions it raises.
Tier: Needs Work
Thoughts: I ran into some major stumbling blocks with the logic underpinning the plot. Chief among them: Celestia raised the moon during NMM's banishment; why no reciprocity if the roles reverse? Especially if there's an actual good reason that Luna even acknowledges for why she should consider it. Double especially since Twilight is led to a decision at the end that feels principled-ish until I stop and ask what's likely to happen from here? Twilight doesn't get the Elements, and Ascendent Sun Goddess actually does bake everything? I can't get on board with her overlooking that possibility, however much she might want to believe she's making the right choice.
I dunno. The writing is of quality, and it could certainly grow into something that would answer the questions it raises.
Tier: Needs Work
I have to agree with >>CoffeeMinion here. While the prose is certainly competent and it is at least a decently varied take on the role reversal...
This feels like an amazingly idiot ball plot at every level. Like, apparently knowledge that sun makes plants grow was lost? Despite the sun being docile, Luna;d rather kill ponies than stop being lazy? Twilight has artificial lighting that works for plant and we haven't just set up super extensive grow labs already? Twilight is apparently decently cool with the solar tyrant maybe murdering everypony?
I dunno. Nothing here really adds up to me narratively. Like, I get that this is supposed to be different ponies and a different take, but the core conceit just really falls flat to me.
This feels like an amazingly idiot ball plot at every level. Like, apparently knowledge that sun makes plants grow was lost? Despite the sun being docile, Luna;d rather kill ponies than stop being lazy? Twilight has artificial lighting that works for plant and we haven't just set up super extensive grow labs already? Twilight is apparently decently cool with the solar tyrant maybe murdering everypony?
I dunno. Nothing here really adds up to me narratively. Like, I get that this is supposed to be different ponies and a different take, but the core conceit just really falls flat to me.
I'm not a big fan of the use of an argument between two characters that leads nowhere and is only there to provide exposition. But this is a very interesting twist on reversing the canon mythology. I especially like that internal conflict: not wanting a terrible villain to return, but it might open a path to solving an unsolvable problem. I ended up liking this concept more than I expected.
so, adding one more AU-to-be-developed to my fimfic watchlist after this contest is over. there's been so many good ones.
I disagree with picking apart the logic in this story, it's trying to be like the MLP pilot which is more myth than fantasy. Nightmare Moon's story has just as many logic holes too.
so, adding one more AU-to-be-developed to my fimfic watchlist after this contest is over. there's been so many good ones.
I disagree with picking apart the logic in this story, it's trying to be like the MLP pilot which is more myth than fantasy. Nightmare Moon's story has just as many logic holes too.
So this is a mixed bag for me. One the one hand, very well executed, almost as if the author planned in advance AND had time to edit. :-)
Two exceptions to that:
That is FAR too on the nose. You ruin all subtlty with that line, especially said out loud. Don't say it, show it! Or at the very least, leave it as just a thought. Twilight wanders out of the room and thinks "It's almost like she's asking me to disobey her."
For similar reasons, too on the nose. If the rest of the story didn't already lead the reader here, then you've already lost them. Drop this, or make it far more subtle. "But some twinge made her feel she might not know the whole truth." Having her throw the letter in the fire is a powerful sign. Trust the reader to get it!
Now, assuming those two were corrected, this story would be about as strong as it could be for its premise. But that premise is a bit weak. It's simple role-reversal. It is interesting to see how Luna may or may not be fighting something within herself, but beyond that, it's just "same s***, different ponies." That's not bad, it just doesn't show me anything new. We know how the story is supposed to go, and while there is a bit of intrigue in exactly how that looks in mirror-universe, that intrigue becomes only so much train-spotting, rather than actual indulgence in the story.
So, overall, I think I have to give the weirdest summary yet. In almost every other story, I think there's a great premise, and then some problems in the telling. Here, I think it was an (almost) perfectly crafted story, but based on a mediocre premise. In other words, you get my own personal version of the Wooden Spoon. :-)
Two exceptions to that:
“You’re saying... you want me to disobey you?”
That is FAR too on the nose. You ruin all subtlty with that line, especially said out loud. Don't say it, show it! Or at the very least, leave it as just a thought. Twilight wanders out of the room and thinks "It's almost like she's asking me to disobey her."
“...Why do I feel... like it might not be such a bad thing...?” she whispered to herself.
For similar reasons, too on the nose. If the rest of the story didn't already lead the reader here, then you've already lost them. Drop this, or make it far more subtle. "But some twinge made her feel she might not know the whole truth." Having her throw the letter in the fire is a powerful sign. Trust the reader to get it!
Now, assuming those two were corrected, this story would be about as strong as it could be for its premise. But that premise is a bit weak. It's simple role-reversal. It is interesting to see how Luna may or may not be fighting something within herself, but beyond that, it's just "same s***, different ponies." That's not bad, it just doesn't show me anything new. We know how the story is supposed to go, and while there is a bit of intrigue in exactly how that looks in mirror-universe, that intrigue becomes only so much train-spotting, rather than actual indulgence in the story.
So, overall, I think I have to give the weirdest summary yet. In almost every other story, I think there's a great premise, and then some problems in the telling. Here, I think it was an (almost) perfectly crafted story, but based on a mediocre premise. In other words, you get my own personal version of the Wooden Spoon. :-)
>>Xepher
Maybe I'm alone in this, but the impression I got was that this parallel universe was one which Luna intentionally created. Celestia wasn't a world-destroying cataclysm god. She was just Celestia, sealed away by Luna in her jealousy. Twilight's last line is an acknowledgement that, in reality, Celestia escaping would be the world righting itself.
Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. I don't want to think that this is another life got flipped turned upside-down scenario. The story's done well enough that I think a 'body could be forgiven for assuming there's much more to it than meets the eye. If I am wrong, though, then I will regurgitate and then reconsume Zaid's hat.
Now, assuming those two were corrected, this story would be about as strong as it could be for its premise. But that premise is a bit weak. It's simple role-reversal. It is interesting to see how Luna may or may not be fighting something within herself, but beyond that, it's just "same s***, different ponies." That's not bad, it just doesn't show me anything new. We know how the story is supposed to go, and while there is a bit of intrigue in exactly how that looks in mirror-universe, that intrigue becomes only so much train-spotting, rather than actual indulgence in the story.
Maybe I'm alone in this, but the impression I got was that this parallel universe was one which Luna intentionally created. Celestia wasn't a world-destroying cataclysm god. She was just Celestia, sealed away by Luna in her jealousy. Twilight's last line is an acknowledgement that, in reality, Celestia escaping would be the world righting itself.
Or maybe I'm reading too much into it. I don't want to think that this is another life got flipped turned upside-down scenario. The story's done well enough that I think a 'body could be forgiven for assuming there's much more to it than meets the eye. If I am wrong, though, then I will regurgitate and then reconsume Zaid's hat.
The Thousandth Year
So I came into this expecting another Celestia/Luna story, and you delivered in a pleasantly unexpected way. So, yeah. You got me. Letting Luna be the hero and Celestia/Solar Flare be the villain is certainly an interesting concept. In fact, it looks here like S01 E01 Luna trusts Twilight more than S02 E25-26 Celestia does. #BestPrincess Then we move on to the prophecy and Twilight's aversion towards believing that The Mare in the Sun is even a real thing to the point of being completely nonchalant about the Solar Flare. Interesting...
I like that this story is open-ended enough to allow for readers to take the story in different directions, but it's defined enough that there's a definite push in a certain direction. That balance is something I rarely get right, so it's all the more powerful for me when I see it in the works of others. Also, the dialogue felt very natural and retained the teacher/pupil vibe pretty well, I felt.
However, being myself a fanfiction author who takes the question "How did this happen?" to borderline unhealthy levels, the answer to this question is not very well-defined. It's obvious that Celestia turned to the dark side, but never mentioned how or why. From the opening exposition of the very first episode of MLP:FiM, Nightmare Moon has been portrayed as jealous, even hateful in some interpretations. Celestia's motives here are vague at best.
Still, the lack of motives detracts little from the first reading, and what made it into the final cut is pretty quality work.
So I came into this expecting another Celestia/Luna story, and you delivered in a pleasantly unexpected way. So, yeah. You got me. Letting Luna be the hero and Celestia/Solar Flare be the villain is certainly an interesting concept. In fact, it looks here like S01 E01 Luna trusts Twilight more than S02 E25-26 Celestia does. #BestPrincess Then we move on to the prophecy and Twilight's aversion towards believing that The Mare in the Sun is even a real thing to the point of being completely nonchalant about the Solar Flare. Interesting...
I like that this story is open-ended enough to allow for readers to take the story in different directions, but it's defined enough that there's a definite push in a certain direction. That balance is something I rarely get right, so it's all the more powerful for me when I see it in the works of others. Also, the dialogue felt very natural and retained the teacher/pupil vibe pretty well, I felt.
However, being myself a fanfiction author who takes the question "How did this happen?" to borderline unhealthy levels, the answer to this question is not very well-defined. It's obvious that Celestia turned to the dark side, but never mentioned how or why. From the opening exposition of the very first episode of MLP:FiM, Nightmare Moon has been portrayed as jealous, even hateful in some interpretations. Celestia's motives here are vague at best.
Still, the lack of motives detracts little from the first reading, and what made it into the final cut is pretty quality work.