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It's Your Funeral
FiM Minific
Pie to Pie
The Twilight Zone
FiM Minific
To Serve Friendship
#8600 · 7
· on Yet Hope, In Part, Found Purchase · >>Corejo
I think my favorite spot is

(To hatchling, now to fledgling mare)
To Princess

where suddenly the reversed lines are referencing Twilight's ascension.

I don't know how you do such a thing in 24 hours.
#8563 · 5
· on The Town

I like your diagnosis in the first sentence, and I think I agree, though I hope this isn't going to cause a critical mass of comments busily agreeing with each other and not providing other feedback.

Lovecraftian horror is longwinded because it operates on the feeling of growing dread and anticipation. It has to slide gently into madness, like a tree being drowned by the rising waters behind a dam. Twilight needs to end this not as far along in her descent, or she needs to be more evidently farther along at the beginning. The conversation with Spike would be a good opportunity to have her act uncharacteristically to show that.
#8806 · 5
· on Snoopy Vs. Azathoth · >>Not_A_Hat >>Ranmilia

The author is literally quoting from the Apollo 10 mission transcripts, when the astronauts heard weird whistling through their radios on the far side of the moon. See https://history.nasa.gov/ap10fj/as10-day5-pt20.htm
#2110 · 4
The new email preferences are excellent. Thumbs up.
#8569 · 4
· on The Twilight Show
I like the concept. Voices for Celestia and Sunset need a little bit of work, I think. I also think some of the intro where Spike makes sure Twilight is asleep could have been cut in favor of a few words on the timeline issues ("I normally set this test to ponies before they get their wings, but...<whatever explanation you want>") and maybe a few more in the explanation generally.

It would be fun to see this expanded into a story where Twilight has a 'Truman Show' moment with this test instead of just running through the EqG plot.
#8594 · 4
· on The Passing of the Burning Brand · >>GroaningGreyAgony
I believe you've got something like 150 words left, and I think it would have been well spent on Celestia's exhaustion and/or lingering on the moment of decision. I like the concept, though, the use of language is good, and the Rod Serling narration is well done.
#8584 · 3
· on The Tirek Zone
I don't think you need the note at the beginning, personally. All the information you need to figure it out is in the story.

To me, this feels like the intro to a story about Discord figuring out how to fix his world, which is a pretty dang neat concept.
#9078 · 3
My suggestion for improvement to the writeoff system: hide comments on any given entry until one has left a comment on that entry. First effortcomment on any given entry seems to often set the agenda for the rest of the comment thread.
#8575 · 2
· on Subject Theta 32
This makes a good intro to a story, I think. Excellent voice.
#8587 · 2
· on The Thousandth Year
This is an excellent take on the Princess Reversal idea. It does have the very-common-in-minifics problem of being the intro to something bigger, but I really want to read that bigger story.

Good technical execution as well, by the by. Well-voiced, good description.