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'Twixt My Sheets She's Done My Office
Their honeymoon was in an isolated cabin nestled in a snowy clearing on the side of Canterlot Mountain. The bedroom had an easterly view. Every morning, Cadance and her beloved would rise together, peer out the window as dawn broke, and greet the day as husband and wife.
Or so she had fantasized when she booked it.
Their wedding night set the tone for the days to come. They undressed from their finery and slid beneath the covers together, but when Cadance reached out to stroke Shining's cheek, he pulled away and mumbled an apology. So Cadance, who slept fitfully and woke hours before him, greeted the morning alone at the kitchen table with a fashion magazine and a mug of coffee in front of her.
Shining Armor was hurting. She'd seen it in everything he did from the moment they were reunited. His stance on the dais as she walked up the aisle, his steps as he twirled her in the castle garden, the nervous look in his eye whenever he dared meet her gaze. She knew why, too. It didn't take Twilight to put the pieces together.
Cadance was loathe to press the issue, and wanted him to open up to her naturally, but by their fourth silent, awkward breakfast, it was clear that he was going to keep it bottled up unless she broached the subject first.
"We need to talk, Shining."
Shining Armor levitated his coffee mug, but only stared sullenly into its rim.
Cadance leaned forward onto the table. "You won't touch me. You barely talk to me. You spend your days in the woods, avoiding me, and when you come home, it's to sleep on the opposite side of the bed from me. Just getting you to look me in the eye is––"
"Don't." Shining set his mug down and stared at his untouched plate, a flush spreading across his cheeks. His eyes clenched shut, and Cadance could see a tremble in his shoulders. "Leave it alone."
"Don't shut me out," said Cadance softly. "Please, talk to me. Let me help."
"You can't." Tears trickled in thin streams down his reddened cheeks. "You can't give back what she took away."
The words struck Cadance like a hammer blow.
"I woke up with her on top of me one night." Shining's voice was as thin and cold as the mountain wind, but rapidly grew louder and more frantic the longer he spoke. "I said we should wait, because we promised we'd wait, but the things she said, the way she felt and moved and smelled – she was you, Cadance, I swear she was. So I gave in, and I let her... I let her do things to me..."
Cadance pushed off her chair and rounded the table, folded her wings around her husband, and drew him close. He stiffened, then melted into her, burying his cheek in her neck and clutching her body as tightly as he could.
"She had you under a spell. You weren't yourself." With her wingtip, she stroked him from his ear to his mane. "I don't hold you responsible for anything you did under her influence, Shining Armor." She pulled away and cradled his face between her hooves. "I love you. I trust you. Nothing will ever change that. Okay?"
Shining turned his gaze away. "It's not just that. Every time I think about... us... you and me... um..."
"Canoodling?" Cadance supplied with a slightly impish lilt. "Foaling around? Makin' the two-humped camel?"
Shining chuckled, but it ended in a sigh. "I feel... wrong. Guilty. Dirty. I think I'm broken. And I don't know if I'll ever not be."
Cadance leaned forward and nuzzled him with the tip of her nose. "I don't mind waiting for you. Hay, I'm kinda stuck with you, anyway. Sickness and health, 'til death do we part... you were there for all that, so I won't repeat it."
He chuckled again as the last of his tears dried on his cheeks. "I'm sorry for shutting you out."
"There's nothing to apologize for, darling, and nothing for me to forgive." She let him lean into her again, and her eyes fluttered shut contentedly. "But... will you do something for me?"
"Hmm?"
"If it isn't too much... will you at least hold me at night? It gets chilly all alone on my side of the bed."
She felt his lips spread into a smile against her skin. "I think that would be alright."
Or so she had fantasized when she booked it.
Their wedding night set the tone for the days to come. They undressed from their finery and slid beneath the covers together, but when Cadance reached out to stroke Shining's cheek, he pulled away and mumbled an apology. So Cadance, who slept fitfully and woke hours before him, greeted the morning alone at the kitchen table with a fashion magazine and a mug of coffee in front of her.
Shining Armor was hurting. She'd seen it in everything he did from the moment they were reunited. His stance on the dais as she walked up the aisle, his steps as he twirled her in the castle garden, the nervous look in his eye whenever he dared meet her gaze. She knew why, too. It didn't take Twilight to put the pieces together.
Cadance was loathe to press the issue, and wanted him to open up to her naturally, but by their fourth silent, awkward breakfast, it was clear that he was going to keep it bottled up unless she broached the subject first.
"We need to talk, Shining."
Shining Armor levitated his coffee mug, but only stared sullenly into its rim.
Cadance leaned forward onto the table. "You won't touch me. You barely talk to me. You spend your days in the woods, avoiding me, and when you come home, it's to sleep on the opposite side of the bed from me. Just getting you to look me in the eye is––"
"Don't." Shining set his mug down and stared at his untouched plate, a flush spreading across his cheeks. His eyes clenched shut, and Cadance could see a tremble in his shoulders. "Leave it alone."
"Don't shut me out," said Cadance softly. "Please, talk to me. Let me help."
"You can't." Tears trickled in thin streams down his reddened cheeks. "You can't give back what she took away."
The words struck Cadance like a hammer blow.
"I woke up with her on top of me one night." Shining's voice was as thin and cold as the mountain wind, but rapidly grew louder and more frantic the longer he spoke. "I said we should wait, because we promised we'd wait, but the things she said, the way she felt and moved and smelled – she was you, Cadance, I swear she was. So I gave in, and I let her... I let her do things to me..."
Cadance pushed off her chair and rounded the table, folded her wings around her husband, and drew him close. He stiffened, then melted into her, burying his cheek in her neck and clutching her body as tightly as he could.
"She had you under a spell. You weren't yourself." With her wingtip, she stroked him from his ear to his mane. "I don't hold you responsible for anything you did under her influence, Shining Armor." She pulled away and cradled his face between her hooves. "I love you. I trust you. Nothing will ever change that. Okay?"
Shining turned his gaze away. "It's not just that. Every time I think about... us... you and me... um..."
"Canoodling?" Cadance supplied with a slightly impish lilt. "Foaling around? Makin' the two-humped camel?"
Shining chuckled, but it ended in a sigh. "I feel... wrong. Guilty. Dirty. I think I'm broken. And I don't know if I'll ever not be."
Cadance leaned forward and nuzzled him with the tip of her nose. "I don't mind waiting for you. Hay, I'm kinda stuck with you, anyway. Sickness and health, 'til death do we part... you were there for all that, so I won't repeat it."
He chuckled again as the last of his tears dried on his cheeks. "I'm sorry for shutting you out."
"There's nothing to apologize for, darling, and nothing for me to forgive." She let him lean into her again, and her eyes fluttered shut contentedly. "But... will you do something for me?"
"Hmm?"
"If it isn't too much... will you at least hold me at night? It gets chilly all alone on my side of the bed."
She felt his lips spread into a smile against her skin. "I think that would be alright."
Let me see…
Yup, Shakespeare reference, Iago thinking Othello slept with Emilia. Of course, the gender swap implies a woman suspecting another of sleeping with her husband. Let’s see where this goes…
Ohhhh. That explains things.
A very believable, respectful way of handling a bit of fridge logic regarding the royal couple. Well done all around.
Yup, Shakespeare reference, Iago thinking Othello slept with Emilia. Of course, the gender swap implies a woman suspecting another of sleeping with her husband. Let’s see where this goes…
Ohhhh. That explains things.
A very believable, respectful way of handling a bit of fridge logic regarding the royal couple. Well done all around.
I'll get the criticism out of the way. Crit-i-cism. One, singular. Shining Armor cried too fast, but honestly, I don't mind that, so, so much for "criticism."
This was a great fic. The story had me hooked from the first paragraph (because I'm a Shining X Cadance sucker :V) and from there it didn't disappoint. It wasn't extrodinary, no, but it was nice, realistic, and sweet. Shinin's pain was real, Cadance's concern was real, and the product is a short, sweet, very real and well-written fic. I'm not a fan of the whole... um Shining and Chrysalis rape heacanon thing but this fic did it well enough that it didn't distract from the narrative as a whole. Kudos to the author. Nice job.
This was a great fic. The story had me hooked from the first paragraph (because I'm a Shining X Cadance sucker :V) and from there it didn't disappoint. It wasn't extrodinary, no, but it was nice, realistic, and sweet. Shinin's pain was real, Cadance's concern was real, and the product is a short, sweet, very real and well-written fic. I'm not a fan of the whole... um Shining and Chrysalis rape heacanon thing but this fic did it well enough that it didn't distract from the narrative as a whole. Kudos to the author. Nice job.
Nitpick: loath and loathe are, perhaps surprisingly, different words.
This is perfectly serviceable. However, it doesn't feel fresh, unusual, particularly interesting, or surprising to me. It plays out very straightforwards, and although the conclusion is a fairly satisfying one, it's also one I saw coming early on. I don't think every story needs to be surprising. But I do think this one feels a little too much like a re-tread for me to really appreciate it.
This is perfectly serviceable. However, it doesn't feel fresh, unusual, particularly interesting, or surprising to me. It plays out very straightforwards, and although the conclusion is a fairly satisfying one, it's also one I saw coming early on. I don't think every story needs to be surprising. But I do think this one feels a little too much like a re-tread for me to really appreciate it.
This fic was....nice. Sweet, and fluffy. As !Hat said, perfectly serviceable. Life could always do with more Cadance stories. But I feel as if the story doesn't achieve all that much because it doesn't set out to; there are no twists, or clever narrative devices, or original takes on well-worn characters. It flags its conclusion at its beginning, draws the line, and walks it. Does that make this a bad story? No, it's a perfectly good story - but one that could aspire to more.
This is very nice, but I don't believe the resolution for a moment. You simply can't do a story like this as a minific, because the issue can't be as simple as it's being laid out. This needs more space and depth to shine.
I'll echo the common criticism moved by my illustrious predecessors here. The change was too fast. While there is no way around it if you want to have any kind of resolution, it hurts the story a bit.
Aside from that this was touching and sweet. The theme is important, and you treated it with proper care in the available space.
Will land pretty highly on my slate.
Aside from that this was touching and sweet. The theme is important, and you treated it with proper care in the available space.
Will land pretty highly on my slate.
>>Trick_Question
The title means that Chrysalis supplanted Cadance's role in the bedroom—literally, between (twixt) the sheets. The words themselves are an adaptation from a line by Iago in Act I Scene III of Shakespeare's Othello, but knowing this adds nothing to the story here.
The title means that Chrysalis supplanted Cadance's role in the bedroom—literally, between (twixt) the sheets. The words themselves are an adaptation from a line by Iago in Act I Scene III of Shakespeare's Othello, but knowing this adds nothing to the story here.
>>KwirkyJ
Well yes, I understand that part. But where's this "Office"? Does that mean the "official role of wife" or something?
Well yes, I understand that part. But where's this "Office"? Does that mean the "official role of wife" or something?
I liked this story, and thought it was perfectly well done, especially given the limited word count. Sure, it wasn't filled with twists and turns and complexities. It was a simple and straightforward story, told simply and well, and there's nothing wrong with that. The characters felt, well, in-character. And the situation was perfectly reasonable and believable. So, two thumbs up in my book!
Twixt My Sheets She’s Done My Office — B — Another technically correct but not really enticing story about Shining Armor and Cadence. It really didn’t catch fire for a number of reasons, one of which is the setting of ‘The Talk.’ The breakfast table? Really? The Princess of Love with her coffee trying to get to the heart of Shining Armor’s feelings. No. Go for between the sheets, as the title reads.
I think it worked. In hindsight, I'm actually surprised I've not read any previous stories addressing this issue. I mean, it was in my headcanon that he'd been tricked and slept with Chrysalis, but I never thought beyond that, as we don't really see the couple for some unknown time after that in canon. This story does a great job exploring the issue I think, though as others pointed out, it's very predictable because of it. So yeah, well written, in-character, etc. but lacks major impact.
>>Trick_Question
The 'office' in this case seems to be strictly the role of "making thebeast with two backs two-humped camel", though one could extend it to all aspects of a beloved bride-to-be.
Unfortunately, nearly all the subtext in the referenced material—suspicion, betrayal, importance and duty of marriage, etc.—is not utilized in this story, so 'office' is diluted in meaning. In Othello, when this line is spoken, Iago is conjuring reasons for enacting one of Shakespeare's most evil plots on his superior officer and former friend. The exact line is "I hate the Moor: and it is thought abroad that 'twixt my sheets he has done my office. I know not if it be true: but I, for mere suspicion in that kind, will do as if for surety." Playing into this is Iago's dysfunctional relationship with his wife and his apparent disdain for all women, derogatory references to marriage ("[Casio is] a fellow almost damn'd in a fair wife…", "A thing for me? It is a common thing […T]o have a foolish wife."), and recurring themes of mistrust, suspicion, and duty, especially between Othello and his own wife, Desdemona (to say nothing of class and race boundaries at work there). Here, however, "twixt my sheets my office has been done" serves simply to point to someone else in the sack… wearing another's skin and supposed mind magic is the interesting twist.
Thus, as implied in my earlier comment, the title and its history add little to the work.
Others seem to have largely addressed my thoughts on this work. Adequately written, but does nothing novel with the concepts at play nor has space to reach adequate depth.
>>Xepher
It's deservedly mature-rated, but I offer this as a longer form work that does so, if more obliquely:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/66834/cadence-in-a-minor
But where's this "Office"? Does that mean the "official role of wife" or something?
The 'office' in this case seems to be strictly the role of "making the
Unfortunately, nearly all the subtext in the referenced material—suspicion, betrayal, importance and duty of marriage, etc.—is not utilized in this story, so 'office' is diluted in meaning. In Othello, when this line is spoken, Iago is conjuring reasons for enacting one of Shakespeare's most evil plots on his superior officer and former friend. The exact line is "I hate the Moor: and it is thought abroad that 'twixt my sheets he has done my office. I know not if it be true: but I, for mere suspicion in that kind, will do as if for surety." Playing into this is Iago's dysfunctional relationship with his wife and his apparent disdain for all women, derogatory references to marriage ("[Casio is] a fellow almost damn'd in a fair wife…", "A thing for me? It is a common thing […T]o have a foolish wife."), and recurring themes of mistrust, suspicion, and duty, especially between Othello and his own wife, Desdemona (to say nothing of class and race boundaries at work there). Here, however, "twixt my sheets my office has been done" serves simply to point to someone else in the sack… wearing another's skin and supposed mind magic is the interesting twist.
Thus, as implied in my earlier comment, the title and its history add little to the work.
Others seem to have largely addressed my thoughts on this work. Adequately written, but does nothing novel with the concepts at play nor has space to reach adequate depth.
>>Xepher
I'm actually surprised I've not read any previous stories addressing this issue.
It's deservedly mature-rated, but I offer this as a longer form work that does so, if more obliquely:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/66834/cadence-in-a-minor
I think it must echo what all the others already said (that a good point about reading a fic so late: you just have to nod to what the mavens before you already pointed out). This feels sweet and fluffy, but at the same time a bit straightforward in its approach. Still, I can perfectly connect with Shining Armour here, so I will grade this one pretty high.
PS: I like the setting here: the isolated chalet set in the middle of a snowy glade. This is so much more fun that the traditional hut somewhere on a tropical island…
PS: I like the setting here: the isolated chalet set in the middle of a snowy glade. This is so much more fun that the traditional hut somewhere on a tropical island…
Oh, we got a good one here. Both characters feel true to themselves. The main thing I'd recommend is keeping Shining's parts a bit more subdued. E.g., cut this:
And this feels like an awful lot to cram into a single line, considering the subject matter:
More words would probably help this. It's off to a good start though.
Tier: Strong
but rapidly grew louder and more frantic the longer he spoke
And this feels like an awful lot to cram into a single line, considering the subject matter:
I feel... wrong. Guilty. Dirty. I think I'm broken. And I don't know if I'll ever not be
More words would probably help this. It's off to a good start though.
Tier: Strong