Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
TrixGlam
“Are you sure we should be doing this?”
“Of course! This is gonna be awesome!”
“Or fatal,” replied Starlight Glimmer, as she and her partner dangled from a pair of ropes.
“Oh come on, this is completely harm-EEP!” The great and powerful Trixie moved to the side and dodged the falling rock. Starlight watched the rock fall past the two mares, smashing to pieces as it hit the distant ground.
Starlight sighed.
“Trixie saw that,” Trixie said.
“Riggghhttt,” said Trixie’s skeptical partner. “Look, I know we patched everything up with Twilight and all, but I’m seriously thinking rope climbing to break into canterlot castle just to read her diary is a really, really bad idea.”
“Trixie must know what is in that diary! She wrote something about Trixie! Trixie must find out! Not knowing will kill Trixie!”
“Actually, that incoming rock might kill you first.”
Trixie looked up and swiftly evaded the impossible-to-dodge rock. Trixie clearly did not scream like a filly, clearly did not quiver holding the rope, and most definitely did not close her eyes to brace for impending doom.
But, in the far off case that she did, when those eyes would have reopened she would have seen Starlight holding the rock in her magic.
“Trixie knew you would do that.”
It didn’t dignify a response.
Starlight sighed, before tossing the rock aside into the abyss below.
“Seriously, this is a bad idea,” Starlight said. “Why did I agree to this?”
“Because it’s eating you up too to know what she wrote about us! You want to know as much as Trixie does!” The supposedly stealthy pony shouted out loud.
In response, before she could shout some more and alert the royal guard, Starlight shushed her.
This, offended Trixie.
“Hey! Nopony shushes the great and powerful-"
Starlight’s hoof to her own mouth, she shushed Trixie again.
“Shhhh. Stealth mission,” Starlight whispered.
“The great and powerful Trixie is a master at stea-”
Hoof to Trixie’s mouth, she shushed Trixie for the third time.
“Do you want to get caught again? You know what they’ll do to us if they catch us, right?”
Fourteen seconds passed.
“...Trixie will be less loud.”
Starlight took her hoof off the mare. “Try not being any bit loud.”
In a manner not flirting, Trixie winked a yes. As frustrating as she had been, it was an idiotic, enduring wink that Starlight couldn’t help but smile at.
At least this misadventure would be an interesting story to tell her kids one day. “Good,” Starlight said.
She fastened her line and mentally prepared herself to finish their climb. “You ready girl? Let’s do this!” Starlight exclaimed only to find Trixie’s hoof on her mouth. Trixie made a long shush that trailed on, slowly dying out like a deflating balloon.
When Trixie took her mouth off Starlight, she smiled widely in anticipation of what was to come. “Let’s go!” Trixie whispered to her partner, and the duo made their ascent up the mountain and to Canterlot Castle.
For many mages, there comes a point in time where one’s magical prowess overtakes their physical capabilities. It is a sort of a point of no return, where a unicorn realizes that normal everyday actions can be accomplished far easier with the use of magic rather than actually physically doing it. This leads to a point where said unicorn will eventually have trouble doing physical tasks because they had become accustomed to using magic only.
As a prodigy of her time, Starlight Glimmer was one of those ponies who crossed that point very early on in their life, learning how to do all sorts of things by use of magic and choosing to neglect her physical capabilities.
And at this point in her life, as she dangled over a balcony edge with Trixie holding her hooves and pulling her up, Starlight regretted such choices. Also, adding to those bad decisions was her choice of cheap rope, but at least she still had the receipt for a refund and a friend to pull her up from certain doom.
With a final pull, Trixie pulled Starlight up and over the balcony railway and the two mares landed in a mess of limbs with a large oomph, the pinnacle of stealth maneuvers.
Now safe from falling to her death Starlight could finally exhale. “Th-thanks Trixie” Starlight panted.
“Trixie is great for a reason,” the spirited performed replied with another enduring smile.
The two took a moment to catch their breaths. It took a moment, but Starlight’s cheeks turned red as she realized she was an inch from Trixie’s face.
“Hey, is somepony there?” Trixie and Starlight heard.
A guard! Starlight’s mind went off in a panic.
They were about to get caught! Their eyes widened with fear as Trixie rushed to a nearby set of bushes, yanking Starlight in with her tailfirst with another loud oomph. By the time the two found themselves in good hiding positions inside the bush, A royal guard pegasus had flown into view, landing on the balcony with a scowl on his face.
“I heard somepony.” Said the pegasus guard. “And I swore I totally saw someone too.”
The guard looked around left and right, trying to find the culprit, but saw nothing but the rope on the floor, sweat next to it, and the lovely set of bushes on both sides of the balcony.
“Huh, you could use a rope like that to climb into the castle,” He said “And there’s a puddle of sweat. That might mean somebody's here, trying to break into Canterlot Castle.”
Starlight and Trixie looked at each other in horror. Hiding behind a bush, the two knew it was a matter of time before the royal guard discovered them.
“Oh Celestia we’re gonna get caught...” Trixie muttered. Starlight turned to her and saw the same amount of fear on Trixie’s face.
The guard was standing right next to the bush that the mares were hiding in, If he turned to his side he would see the bush quivering in fear.
We’re gonna go to jail...Echoed in Starlight’s mind. No, wait. Figuring what we’ve done, It’ll be worse, like a superjail, or a Hyperprison or a-
“Oh well, it’s probably nothing,” The guard said, winding up the rope and walking away with it. “Mine now.”
The panic of the two mares turned to complete shock.
“I know what I’m doing with my girlfriend tonight~” The absolutely competent royal guard skipped off the balcony and flew away in joy.
“...”
“...”
Starlight and Trixie walked out of the bushes, dumbfounded.
“You know… this is really telling,” Starlight said. “No wonder why the Changelings conquered Canterlot so easily!” Starlight stomped her hooves in annoyance. “When we are done here, I am so writing princess Celestia a letter telling her that her guards are-”
Trixie shushed Starlight, hoof to her mouth.
“Shhhhh. Not too loud, Stealth mission,” Trixie said, oblivious of Starlight feeling Trixie’s saliva on her lips. Trixie was right, but that taste of Trixie’s saliva was all Starlight could think about.
Oh Celestia! Is this an indirect kiss! Do indirect kisses count as first kisses? Is this how my first kiss happens? With her? Of all-
Looking down, she saw Trixie in a puddle of sweat, and Trixie's free foreleg stepping in it.
Oh….this is...
Starlight was tasting Trixie’s sweaty hooves. Immediately, Starlight’s gag reflex kicked in.
One vomit later, the duo snuck inside.
“Ok, if the schematic I have is correct, we should be in the princess’s guest hall now,” Starlight said, walking through the endless hallways of Canterlot Castle. “The room Twilight’s in should be right down that hallway. I’ll just be happy when we’re done walking. It’s taking a toll on my hooves.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie never has that worry. Trixie has been walking on her hooves all her life, unlike you, miss levitate everywhere.”
“Hey, I care what I step on. You know all the dirty, gross stuff we step on every day, and then we actually eat with those same hooves? It’s gross! It’s why I used a lot of our water back in Our Town for cleaning and enforcing strict sanitary standards.” The duo turned a corner.
“....which might have led to a crop crisis because we used too much water, which might have gotten worse because after I took everyone’s cutie marks nopony had the skill anymore to save the crops we had. Which led to us having nothing but burnt muffins left. I made some… very questionable decisions back then. I really was not a good mayor at all.”
“You actually sound like a really bad one.”
“More like the worst,” Starlight sighed, memories returning.
“Outside of the whole brainwashing cutie-mark stealing dictatorship you established or was it that?”
Starlight just wanted to say yes to that or check whatever the ‘all of the above’ response was for that. Thankfully, she didn’t need to say anything as their prize soon came into view.
“There is it!” Trixie's eyes lit up as she saw Twilight’s door. “After long last, finally, Twilight’s secrets will be revealed! She’ll know exactly what secrets about Trixie she holds!”
Trixie rushed to into the hallway, only for a yank on her tail.
“Hold it!” Starlight exclaimed.
“What for! Her room is right there! Why are we stopping?” Trixie said.
“Because I know Twilight. She’s smarter than this,” Starlight said. “She wouldn’t leave the door unprotected.”
“Trixie isn't so sure. Wouldn’t Twilight sleep soundly knowing the royal guards are patrolling the castle?”
Outside, the duo heard a yell of laughter and joy. The two followed the distraction out of the nearby open window and saw two royal guards, the pegasus stallion from before and a batpony mare both decked in armor, the mare swinging on a large rubber tire, hanging by a rope.
“See honey! I told you would love this!”
The girls closed the window and looked at each other.
“Trixie concedes,” Trixie said. “So then, what would she do?”
Starlight began to think. “If I was Twilight and didn’t trust any of the idiots here, what would I do...”
The two girls rubbed their chins and began to think. A minute later, Trixie shot up.
“Trixie knows! She must have booby trapped this somehow. There’s a lot of trap mechanisms here in the castle. Trixie knows that from experience. She must have activated one to protect herself...but what?”
Acting on impulse, Starlight reached into Trixie’s saddlebag and pulled out a coin. Before Trixie could protest, Starlight rolled the coin across the floor, where a few feet into its roll the coin was immediately bisected by laser beams that popped out of the wall.
“Lasers...huh,” Starlight commented while Trixie froze.
“Starlight, you realize that was our one hundred bit coin, which was our train money back to Ponyville, right?”
Starlight Glimmer froze as her brain caught up to her body.
“Starlight, You just destroyed our train money home.”
Starlight nervously chuckled. “My… bad? Heh-heh...sorry...”
“Starlight, we are good friends… but sometimes, you make very questionable decisions…”
A young Starlight was thrown into a large jail cell.
She saw ponies left and right, none her sex.
To the right, she saw a group of ponies, double Starlight’s size. They looked at her with hungry eyes, and not the perverted kind.
To the left, she saw a possibly smelly pony with a red sickle on his flank, who the ponies on the right were avoiding like the plague for some reason.
She took her chances.
Luckily, the old red pony was not smelly. He was, though, very talkative. “So,” he began. “Want to learn about a philosophy that’s only brought destruction and despair to every society that’s tried it, and then take your crack at it?”
The young Starlight thought about it for a minute and shrugged.
“Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?”
Starlight frowned. “I know.”
“Moving on…” Trixie began. “Trixie knows how to turn off this trap. There should be a security panel to turn if off from this end, and a manual switch on the princess’ side of the hallway. But it’s also magically attuned, so if we use any magic it’ll trigger an alarm.
Starlight took a step forward. In order to regain her honor, she knew what she had to do. “Leave it to me then!” Starlight exclaimed. “I’m the flexible sort! I’ll sneak through it and have that trap off in jippy!”
“Wait no, Trixie thinks that’s a terrible-” Trixie watched Starlight miraculously dove in between a pair of the laser beams, taking a pose to evade the hot laser death she now danced with.
“-oh and she started.” Trixie sighed.
Starlight Glimmer’s initial entry into the laser beams was successful. With a series of turns and pivots, she navigated herself through the lasers, standing on her hind feet.
Hmm, this is easier than I thought, thought Starlight, as she bobbed through another row of lasers, successfully maneuvering halfway through them, standing on her hind legs. Even if she wasn’t the most physically sound, or the lightest, or agile, Starlight wondered why she didn’t stand on her hind legs more often.
The wobble of said hindlegs answered that question. Starlight began to shake as her legs started to give, sweet hot dissecting laser death all around her. Like before, Starlight noticed her mistake a little too late as her legs gave way and she fell...and hit her head on the solid floor.
“OW!” Starlight exclaimed. Her eyes reopened with her brain back on, she noticed the laser beams were gone.
She looked to Trixie, walking behind her. “Trixie disabled it,” she flatly said.
“Wha…” It took Starlight four tries to finally make her next word. “Ho...how?”
Trixie basked in the pride of her skill. “Trixie knew the security code to turn it off. Every code here is 1,2,3,4.”
“Why am I not surprised,” Starlight muttered as she got up on her hooves. They were about to continue before Starlight stopped, a thought in her head.
“Wait, Trixie, how do you know that?”
“A magician never tells her secrets,” Trixie confidently replied.
While a non-answer, It did, though, make Starlight think of what was. With the thought now in her head, she asked Trixie the question she should have asked before any of this began.
“Trixie,” Starlight asked. “How many times have you broken into Canterlot Castle?”
The great and powerful Trixie’s confidence vaporized. “Uhhhhhh….The great and powerful Trixie did not exactly break... into Canterlot Castle…or into its dungeon,” she said, emphasizing the word 'into'.
Trixie looked to the left, and then to the right and pursed her lips, trying to come up with the right words but without incriminating herself. Such wording, however, was a little too late.
“Oh Celestia I’m talking to an escaped criminal.”
“Trixie’s not a criminal!” Trixie proclaimed “It… wasn’t exactly a crime... ok the escape part wasn’t. It was the Alicorn Amulet thing. They wanted to hold Trixie over for months to make sure Trixie wasn’t contaminated evil or something! And as you know, the great and powerful Trixie is not evil, she’s awesome and cannot be contained, nor can she be cooped up in a comfy cell, even if they give Trixie as much peanut butter and crackers as she pleases. Trixie had to escape and be free!”
Starlight’s mouth hung open.
“In retrospect… Trixie probably thinks that might not have been the best decision she could have made.”
There were many things she could say, many criticisms and complaints, but Starlight knew, in the grand scheme of things, she couldn’t. Being responsible for nearly killing everyone in Equestria was in a sorts, the royal flush of evil deeds all things considered. To Starlight, complaining about a reformed pony’s misdeeds was something she no longer had the right to, as her villainous past decisions would trump everyone else’s until the day she died.
So instead, Starlight liked to focus on the brighter side of things. Like that she was about to discover just exactly what her best friend Twilight thought of her.
“You know what, I’ll just take what I can get.” Starlight regained her smile and buddied up to Trixie. “We’re all the way here. Let’s get that diary and finish what we started, ok?"
The girls smiled and walked inside Twilight’s guest bedroom. They tiptoed in, only to realize that they were alone. Twilight Sparkle, was nowhere to be found.
“Wow, Trixie is impressed. So this is the royal guest room of a princess,” Trixie said as they scanned the room.
“There it is!” Starlight said. She smiled as she trotted over to the guest room’s desk, where their prize laid. It was a fancy red diary, with a gold spine and engraving of more gold and crystals. Inside laid a bookmark, assumingly to Twilight’s most recent entry.
“Oh, I remember that. When we went back to Our Town, she was jotting down tons of things in that diary. Hmm… I do wonder what she was scribbling about...”
Trixie dashed to it and opened the diary’s pages. “Then let’s find out!” she exclaimed. Trixie and Starlight turned the dairy to where the bookmark resided, and shock overcame their faces.
“Hey look...there’s a picture of us…” Trixie muttered.
“She drew a little picture of us… kissing?” Spoke a stunned Starlight.
Trixie and Starlight’s jaws dropped as they then read the princess of friendship’s entry. The more they read the more their cheeks turned red in embarrassment.
Upon finishing Twilight’s entry, the two looked at each other and promptly fainted.
Trixie came back to town, and of all the people she befriended she made friends with Starlight!
There was a big hassle at first and I thought we weren’t going to become friends, but then we did! They’re currently having fun in ponyville, while I make this short but very important excursion.
This was a combination I never thought was possible! Starlight and Trixie!
They’re both unicorns, former baddies, and also talented magic users who play really well off each other. They’re so compatible, I can’t believe I never thought of it before!
For the longest time I always thought Trixie could only be my waifu (well, anyone’s capable of becoming my waifu according to the shipping chart), but then Cadance showed us that maybe she could have other like Blueblood and Maud. And now she’s got Starlight too!
I’m so happy at Starlight’s progress. First me and the girls, rekindling that spark with Double Diamond and Sunburst, then forging a new ship with Spike, and now this! My little Glim-Glam is growing up, making new potential waifus everyday!
I just wonder where this leads! Are their acquaintances going to mix now and make new ships? Heck, what are we even going to call this ship! TrixGlam? Triximmer? I don’t know! Ohhhh, the possibilities are making me all tingly!
We must confront the Grand Shipping Chart in Canterlot Castle and plot all these new relationships out! I’ll have Spike write a letter to Royal Shipper Celestia and Grandmaster Shipper Cadance. We have much to discuss!
“Of course! This is gonna be awesome!”
“Or fatal,” replied Starlight Glimmer, as she and her partner dangled from a pair of ropes.
“Oh come on, this is completely harm-EEP!” The great and powerful Trixie moved to the side and dodged the falling rock. Starlight watched the rock fall past the two mares, smashing to pieces as it hit the distant ground.
Starlight sighed.
“Trixie saw that,” Trixie said.
“Riggghhttt,” said Trixie’s skeptical partner. “Look, I know we patched everything up with Twilight and all, but I’m seriously thinking rope climbing to break into canterlot castle just to read her diary is a really, really bad idea.”
“Trixie must know what is in that diary! She wrote something about Trixie! Trixie must find out! Not knowing will kill Trixie!”
“Actually, that incoming rock might kill you first.”
Trixie looked up and swiftly evaded the impossible-to-dodge rock. Trixie clearly did not scream like a filly, clearly did not quiver holding the rope, and most definitely did not close her eyes to brace for impending doom.
But, in the far off case that she did, when those eyes would have reopened she would have seen Starlight holding the rock in her magic.
“Trixie knew you would do that.”
It didn’t dignify a response.
Starlight sighed, before tossing the rock aside into the abyss below.
“Seriously, this is a bad idea,” Starlight said. “Why did I agree to this?”
“Because it’s eating you up too to know what she wrote about us! You want to know as much as Trixie does!” The supposedly stealthy pony shouted out loud.
In response, before she could shout some more and alert the royal guard, Starlight shushed her.
This, offended Trixie.
“Hey! Nopony shushes the great and powerful-"
Starlight’s hoof to her own mouth, she shushed Trixie again.
“Shhhh. Stealth mission,” Starlight whispered.
“The great and powerful Trixie is a master at stea-”
Hoof to Trixie’s mouth, she shushed Trixie for the third time.
“Do you want to get caught again? You know what they’ll do to us if they catch us, right?”
Fourteen seconds passed.
“...Trixie will be less loud.”
Starlight took her hoof off the mare. “Try not being any bit loud.”
In a manner not flirting, Trixie winked a yes. As frustrating as she had been, it was an idiotic, enduring wink that Starlight couldn’t help but smile at.
At least this misadventure would be an interesting story to tell her kids one day. “Good,” Starlight said.
She fastened her line and mentally prepared herself to finish their climb. “You ready girl? Let’s do this!” Starlight exclaimed only to find Trixie’s hoof on her mouth. Trixie made a long shush that trailed on, slowly dying out like a deflating balloon.
When Trixie took her mouth off Starlight, she smiled widely in anticipation of what was to come. “Let’s go!” Trixie whispered to her partner, and the duo made their ascent up the mountain and to Canterlot Castle.
For many mages, there comes a point in time where one’s magical prowess overtakes their physical capabilities. It is a sort of a point of no return, where a unicorn realizes that normal everyday actions can be accomplished far easier with the use of magic rather than actually physically doing it. This leads to a point where said unicorn will eventually have trouble doing physical tasks because they had become accustomed to using magic only.
As a prodigy of her time, Starlight Glimmer was one of those ponies who crossed that point very early on in their life, learning how to do all sorts of things by use of magic and choosing to neglect her physical capabilities.
And at this point in her life, as she dangled over a balcony edge with Trixie holding her hooves and pulling her up, Starlight regretted such choices. Also, adding to those bad decisions was her choice of cheap rope, but at least she still had the receipt for a refund and a friend to pull her up from certain doom.
With a final pull, Trixie pulled Starlight up and over the balcony railway and the two mares landed in a mess of limbs with a large oomph, the pinnacle of stealth maneuvers.
Now safe from falling to her death Starlight could finally exhale. “Th-thanks Trixie” Starlight panted.
“Trixie is great for a reason,” the spirited performed replied with another enduring smile.
The two took a moment to catch their breaths. It took a moment, but Starlight’s cheeks turned red as she realized she was an inch from Trixie’s face.
“Hey, is somepony there?” Trixie and Starlight heard.
A guard! Starlight’s mind went off in a panic.
They were about to get caught! Their eyes widened with fear as Trixie rushed to a nearby set of bushes, yanking Starlight in with her tailfirst with another loud oomph. By the time the two found themselves in good hiding positions inside the bush, A royal guard pegasus had flown into view, landing on the balcony with a scowl on his face.
“I heard somepony.” Said the pegasus guard. “And I swore I totally saw someone too.”
The guard looked around left and right, trying to find the culprit, but saw nothing but the rope on the floor, sweat next to it, and the lovely set of bushes on both sides of the balcony.
“Huh, you could use a rope like that to climb into the castle,” He said “And there’s a puddle of sweat. That might mean somebody's here, trying to break into Canterlot Castle.”
Starlight and Trixie looked at each other in horror. Hiding behind a bush, the two knew it was a matter of time before the royal guard discovered them.
“Oh Celestia we’re gonna get caught...” Trixie muttered. Starlight turned to her and saw the same amount of fear on Trixie’s face.
The guard was standing right next to the bush that the mares were hiding in, If he turned to his side he would see the bush quivering in fear.
We’re gonna go to jail...Echoed in Starlight’s mind. No, wait. Figuring what we’ve done, It’ll be worse, like a superjail, or a Hyperprison or a-
“Oh well, it’s probably nothing,” The guard said, winding up the rope and walking away with it. “Mine now.”
The panic of the two mares turned to complete shock.
“I know what I’m doing with my girlfriend tonight~” The absolutely competent royal guard skipped off the balcony and flew away in joy.
“...”
“...”
Starlight and Trixie walked out of the bushes, dumbfounded.
“You know… this is really telling,” Starlight said. “No wonder why the Changelings conquered Canterlot so easily!” Starlight stomped her hooves in annoyance. “When we are done here, I am so writing princess Celestia a letter telling her that her guards are-”
Trixie shushed Starlight, hoof to her mouth.
“Shhhhh. Not too loud, Stealth mission,” Trixie said, oblivious of Starlight feeling Trixie’s saliva on her lips. Trixie was right, but that taste of Trixie’s saliva was all Starlight could think about.
Oh Celestia! Is this an indirect kiss! Do indirect kisses count as first kisses? Is this how my first kiss happens? With her? Of all-
Looking down, she saw Trixie in a puddle of sweat, and Trixie's free foreleg stepping in it.
Oh….this is...
Starlight was tasting Trixie’s sweaty hooves. Immediately, Starlight’s gag reflex kicked in.
One vomit later, the duo snuck inside.
“Ok, if the schematic I have is correct, we should be in the princess’s guest hall now,” Starlight said, walking through the endless hallways of Canterlot Castle. “The room Twilight’s in should be right down that hallway. I’ll just be happy when we’re done walking. It’s taking a toll on my hooves.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie never has that worry. Trixie has been walking on her hooves all her life, unlike you, miss levitate everywhere.”
“Hey, I care what I step on. You know all the dirty, gross stuff we step on every day, and then we actually eat with those same hooves? It’s gross! It’s why I used a lot of our water back in Our Town for cleaning and enforcing strict sanitary standards.” The duo turned a corner.
“....which might have led to a crop crisis because we used too much water, which might have gotten worse because after I took everyone’s cutie marks nopony had the skill anymore to save the crops we had. Which led to us having nothing but burnt muffins left. I made some… very questionable decisions back then. I really was not a good mayor at all.”
“You actually sound like a really bad one.”
“More like the worst,” Starlight sighed, memories returning.
“Outside of the whole brainwashing cutie-mark stealing dictatorship you established or was it that?”
Starlight just wanted to say yes to that or check whatever the ‘all of the above’ response was for that. Thankfully, she didn’t need to say anything as their prize soon came into view.
“There is it!” Trixie's eyes lit up as she saw Twilight’s door. “After long last, finally, Twilight’s secrets will be revealed! She’ll know exactly what secrets about Trixie she holds!”
Trixie rushed to into the hallway, only for a yank on her tail.
“Hold it!” Starlight exclaimed.
“What for! Her room is right there! Why are we stopping?” Trixie said.
“Because I know Twilight. She’s smarter than this,” Starlight said. “She wouldn’t leave the door unprotected.”
“Trixie isn't so sure. Wouldn’t Twilight sleep soundly knowing the royal guards are patrolling the castle?”
Outside, the duo heard a yell of laughter and joy. The two followed the distraction out of the nearby open window and saw two royal guards, the pegasus stallion from before and a batpony mare both decked in armor, the mare swinging on a large rubber tire, hanging by a rope.
“See honey! I told you would love this!”
The girls closed the window and looked at each other.
“Trixie concedes,” Trixie said. “So then, what would she do?”
Starlight began to think. “If I was Twilight and didn’t trust any of the idiots here, what would I do...”
The two girls rubbed their chins and began to think. A minute later, Trixie shot up.
“Trixie knows! She must have booby trapped this somehow. There’s a lot of trap mechanisms here in the castle. Trixie knows that from experience. She must have activated one to protect herself...but what?”
Acting on impulse, Starlight reached into Trixie’s saddlebag and pulled out a coin. Before Trixie could protest, Starlight rolled the coin across the floor, where a few feet into its roll the coin was immediately bisected by laser beams that popped out of the wall.
“Lasers...huh,” Starlight commented while Trixie froze.
“Starlight, you realize that was our one hundred bit coin, which was our train money back to Ponyville, right?”
Starlight Glimmer froze as her brain caught up to her body.
“Starlight, You just destroyed our train money home.”
Starlight nervously chuckled. “My… bad? Heh-heh...sorry...”
“Starlight, we are good friends… but sometimes, you make very questionable decisions…”
A young Starlight was thrown into a large jail cell.
She saw ponies left and right, none her sex.
To the right, she saw a group of ponies, double Starlight’s size. They looked at her with hungry eyes, and not the perverted kind.
To the left, she saw a possibly smelly pony with a red sickle on his flank, who the ponies on the right were avoiding like the plague for some reason.
She took her chances.
Luckily, the old red pony was not smelly. He was, though, very talkative. “So,” he began. “Want to learn about a philosophy that’s only brought destruction and despair to every society that’s tried it, and then take your crack at it?”
The young Starlight thought about it for a minute and shrugged.
“Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?”
Starlight frowned. “I know.”
“Moving on…” Trixie began. “Trixie knows how to turn off this trap. There should be a security panel to turn if off from this end, and a manual switch on the princess’ side of the hallway. But it’s also magically attuned, so if we use any magic it’ll trigger an alarm.
Starlight took a step forward. In order to regain her honor, she knew what she had to do. “Leave it to me then!” Starlight exclaimed. “I’m the flexible sort! I’ll sneak through it and have that trap off in jippy!”
“Wait no, Trixie thinks that’s a terrible-” Trixie watched Starlight miraculously dove in between a pair of the laser beams, taking a pose to evade the hot laser death she now danced with.
“-oh and she started.” Trixie sighed.
Starlight Glimmer’s initial entry into the laser beams was successful. With a series of turns and pivots, she navigated herself through the lasers, standing on her hind feet.
Hmm, this is easier than I thought, thought Starlight, as she bobbed through another row of lasers, successfully maneuvering halfway through them, standing on her hind legs. Even if she wasn’t the most physically sound, or the lightest, or agile, Starlight wondered why she didn’t stand on her hind legs more often.
The wobble of said hindlegs answered that question. Starlight began to shake as her legs started to give, sweet hot dissecting laser death all around her. Like before, Starlight noticed her mistake a little too late as her legs gave way and she fell...and hit her head on the solid floor.
“OW!” Starlight exclaimed. Her eyes reopened with her brain back on, she noticed the laser beams were gone.
She looked to Trixie, walking behind her. “Trixie disabled it,” she flatly said.
“Wha…” It took Starlight four tries to finally make her next word. “Ho...how?”
Trixie basked in the pride of her skill. “Trixie knew the security code to turn it off. Every code here is 1,2,3,4.”
“Why am I not surprised,” Starlight muttered as she got up on her hooves. They were about to continue before Starlight stopped, a thought in her head.
“Wait, Trixie, how do you know that?”
“A magician never tells her secrets,” Trixie confidently replied.
While a non-answer, It did, though, make Starlight think of what was. With the thought now in her head, she asked Trixie the question she should have asked before any of this began.
“Trixie,” Starlight asked. “How many times have you broken into Canterlot Castle?”
The great and powerful Trixie’s confidence vaporized. “Uhhhhhh….The great and powerful Trixie did not exactly break... into Canterlot Castle…or into its dungeon,” she said, emphasizing the word 'into'.
Trixie looked to the left, and then to the right and pursed her lips, trying to come up with the right words but without incriminating herself. Such wording, however, was a little too late.
“Oh Celestia I’m talking to an escaped criminal.”
“Trixie’s not a criminal!” Trixie proclaimed “It… wasn’t exactly a crime... ok the escape part wasn’t. It was the Alicorn Amulet thing. They wanted to hold Trixie over for months to make sure Trixie wasn’t contaminated evil or something! And as you know, the great and powerful Trixie is not evil, she’s awesome and cannot be contained, nor can she be cooped up in a comfy cell, even if they give Trixie as much peanut butter and crackers as she pleases. Trixie had to escape and be free!”
Starlight’s mouth hung open.
“In retrospect… Trixie probably thinks that might not have been the best decision she could have made.”
There were many things she could say, many criticisms and complaints, but Starlight knew, in the grand scheme of things, she couldn’t. Being responsible for nearly killing everyone in Equestria was in a sorts, the royal flush of evil deeds all things considered. To Starlight, complaining about a reformed pony’s misdeeds was something she no longer had the right to, as her villainous past decisions would trump everyone else’s until the day she died.
So instead, Starlight liked to focus on the brighter side of things. Like that she was about to discover just exactly what her best friend Twilight thought of her.
“You know what, I’ll just take what I can get.” Starlight regained her smile and buddied up to Trixie. “We’re all the way here. Let’s get that diary and finish what we started, ok?"
The girls smiled and walked inside Twilight’s guest bedroom. They tiptoed in, only to realize that they were alone. Twilight Sparkle, was nowhere to be found.
“Wow, Trixie is impressed. So this is the royal guest room of a princess,” Trixie said as they scanned the room.
“There it is!” Starlight said. She smiled as she trotted over to the guest room’s desk, where their prize laid. It was a fancy red diary, with a gold spine and engraving of more gold and crystals. Inside laid a bookmark, assumingly to Twilight’s most recent entry.
“Oh, I remember that. When we went back to Our Town, she was jotting down tons of things in that diary. Hmm… I do wonder what she was scribbling about...”
Trixie dashed to it and opened the diary’s pages. “Then let’s find out!” she exclaimed. Trixie and Starlight turned the dairy to where the bookmark resided, and shock overcame their faces.
“Hey look...there’s a picture of us…” Trixie muttered.
“She drew a little picture of us… kissing?” Spoke a stunned Starlight.
Trixie and Starlight’s jaws dropped as they then read the princess of friendship’s entry. The more they read the more their cheeks turned red in embarrassment.
Upon finishing Twilight’s entry, the two looked at each other and promptly fainted.
Twilight’s Entry #690:
Trixie came back to town, and of all the people she befriended she made friends with Starlight!
There was a big hassle at first and I thought we weren’t going to become friends, but then we did! They’re currently having fun in ponyville, while I make this short but very important excursion.
This was a combination I never thought was possible! Starlight and Trixie!
They’re both unicorns, former baddies, and also talented magic users who play really well off each other. They’re so compatible, I can’t believe I never thought of it before!
For the longest time I always thought Trixie could only be my waifu (well, anyone’s capable of becoming my waifu according to the shipping chart), but then Cadance showed us that maybe she could have other like Blueblood and Maud. And now she’s got Starlight too!
I’m so happy at Starlight’s progress. First me and the girls, rekindling that spark with Double Diamond and Sunburst, then forging a new ship with Spike, and now this! My little Glim-Glam is growing up, making new potential waifus everyday!
I just wonder where this leads! Are their acquaintances going to mix now and make new ships? Heck, what are we even going to call this ship! TrixGlam? Triximmer? I don’t know! Ohhhh, the possibilities are making me all tingly!
We must confront the Grand Shipping Chart in Canterlot Castle and plot all these new relationships out! I’ll have Spike write a letter to Royal Shipper Celestia and Grandmaster Shipper Cadance. We have much to discuss!
The end
If I'm coming down hard on this one is only due to my passion for well-developed romance, which is a department in wich I feel this story was rather lackluster.
There are a few shipping teases interspersed throughout the story, but there's no payoff to them. We don't see Trixie and Starlight's reaction to Twilight's disturbing levels of shipping fever, they just faint, and the story may as well have ended with a fade to black.
I have no qualms about the comedy parts, I thought they were ok, but my bias about romance prevented me from further enjoying this story.
There are a few shipping teases interspersed throughout the story, but there's no payoff to them. We don't see Trixie and Starlight's reaction to Twilight's disturbing levels of shipping fever, they just faint, and the story may as well have ended with a fade to black.
I have no qualms about the comedy parts, I thought they were ok, but my bias about romance prevented me from further enjoying this story.
Let me start with a disclaimer: I hate shipping.
This story pokes fun at shipping. It pokes tons of fun at shipping. I laughed out loud several times reading this. On the train. Good job!
The weakest part was the ending, but only because there was much more potential for comedy. Imagine how funny it would have been to see them discover "shipping paraphernalia" as they searched for Twilight's diary (i.e. continuing the gag you started with the rope)! You could have squeezed so much more out of our prudish pair of prowling ponies!
This story pokes fun at shipping. It pokes tons of fun at shipping. I laughed out loud several times reading this. On the train. Good job!
The weakest part was the ending, but only because there was much more potential for comedy. Imagine how funny it would have been to see them discover "shipping paraphernalia" as they searched for Twilight's diary (i.e. continuing the gag you started with the rope)! You could have squeezed so much more out of our prudish pair of prowling ponies!
Well, this fic was funny, but funny in a juvenile, almost slapstick way. There’s not much in terms of character development. It’s a sort of collection of gags, which makes the arc pretty weak—all the more than, as the other reviewers have pointed out, the end is somewhat of a letdown.
Also, the English is very choppy, and the story has some hiccoughs. I’ve collected some examples for you to look on. I hope they’ll be useful:
Inconsistency: “Starlight exclaimed only to find Trixie’s hoof on her mouth. […] When Trixie took her mouth off Starlight,” Hoof or mouth?
Check your numbers (singular/plural) (underlined); also two very similar expressions with “point” (bold): “For many mages, there comes a point in time where one’s magical prowess overtakes their physical capabilities. It is a sort of a point of no return, where a unicorn realizes that normal everyday actions can be accomplished far easier with the use of magic rather than actually physically doing it.”
Repeated words: but saw nothing but the rope on the floor,…
Non sequitur: Starlight turned to her and saw the same amount of fear on Trixie’s face. The same amount w/r to what? Her own face? But how can she look at it? There's no mirror available.
Ambiguous antecedent: the mare swinging on a large rubber tire, hanging by a rope. What is hanging? The tire or the mare?
Inconsistency with saxon genitive: princess’s … then princess’ …
Trixie watched Starlight miraculously dove should be ‘dive’.
Shaky construction: They were about to continue before Starlight stopped, a thought in her head. Besides, have you ever encountered a thought outside someone’s head? :P
Here it is for the main examples.
Good luck!
Also, the English is very choppy, and the story has some hiccoughs. I’ve collected some examples for you to look on. I hope they’ll be useful:
Inconsistency: “Starlight exclaimed only to find Trixie’s hoof on her mouth. […] When Trixie took her mouth off Starlight,” Hoof or mouth?
Check your numbers (singular/plural) (underlined); also two very similar expressions with “point” (bold): “For many mages, there comes a point in time where one’s magical prowess overtakes their physical capabilities. It is a sort of a point of no return, where a unicorn realizes that normal everyday actions can be accomplished far easier with the use of magic rather than actually physically doing it.”
Repeated words: but saw nothing but the rope on the floor,…
Non sequitur: Starlight turned to her and saw the same amount of fear on Trixie’s face. The same amount w/r to what? Her own face? But how can she look at it? There's no mirror available.
Ambiguous antecedent: the mare swinging on a large rubber tire, hanging by a rope. What is hanging? The tire or the mare?
Inconsistency with saxon genitive: princess’s … then princess’ …
Trixie watched Starlight miraculously dove should be ‘dive’.
Shaky construction: They were about to continue before Starlight stopped, a thought in her head. Besides, have you ever encountered a thought outside someone’s head? :P
Here it is for the main examples.
Good luck!
First of all, what's with the "Glam" thing? Did the fandom decided that Starlight's name is "Glim-Glam" while I wasn't paying attention?
Pros:
I think you did a good job with Trixie.
The incompetence of the guards was amusing enough for it to be accepted under Rule of Funny.
Cons:
Inconsistencies. You point out that Starlight can levitate herself, so she shouldn't have needed Trixie to pull her up onto the balcony.
Fridge logic/things not really making sense. Why didn't they just break into Twilight's room in her castle?
The ending is pretty weak. It would have been much better to see Trixie and Starlight actually reacting to the things that were written in the diary.
The writing seemed pretty weak to me in some parts.
I'm normally a fan of silly shipping stories like this, but this one mostly didn't work for me. I recommend inserting a nice dose of common sense here to balance out and call attention to the ridiculousness (personally, I would probably make Starlight more of an Only Sane Mare). Or if you're feeling brave, you could try to turn up the ridiculousness even more, to the point where we can just ignore anything that doesn't make sense. But that's very hard to do well, and usually just results in crappy trollfics.
Pros:
I think you did a good job with Trixie.
The incompetence of the guards was amusing enough for it to be accepted under Rule of Funny.
Cons:
Inconsistencies. You point out that Starlight can levitate herself, so she shouldn't have needed Trixie to pull her up onto the balcony.
Fridge logic/things not really making sense. Why didn't they just break into Twilight's room in her castle?
The ending is pretty weak. It would have been much better to see Trixie and Starlight actually reacting to the things that were written in the diary.
The writing seemed pretty weak to me in some parts.
I'm normally a fan of silly shipping stories like this, but this one mostly didn't work for me. I recommend inserting a nice dose of common sense here to balance out and call attention to the ridiculousness (personally, I would probably make Starlight more of an Only Sane Mare). Or if you're feeling brave, you could try to turn up the ridiculousness even more, to the point where we can just ignore anything that doesn't make sense. But that's very hard to do well, and usually just results in crappy trollfics.
"Enduring". I believe the word you are looking for is "endearing".
My, aren't you clever.
I don't have much to say about this one, and unfortunately, I wasn't overly impressed. This story had its moments, like when the guard's intention with the rope was revealed. I also liked the idea of Starlight blushing when she and Trixie were an inch apart.
I think there's where my trouble with the story comes in: the goal of this story is a little... murky. It's supposed to be funny, and it does that well enough. I think that if the goal is to poke fun at shipping, then it should commit itself to that idea. Perhaps make Starlight's attraction to Trixie even more apparent.
As others have commented, the ending is a little underwhelming. My suggestion, if you wish to hang on to the general idea, would be to shorten it and tighten it up. Gags run out of momentum quickly, after all.
Twilight’s Entry #690
My, aren't you clever.
I don't have much to say about this one, and unfortunately, I wasn't overly impressed. This story had its moments, like when the guard's intention with the rope was revealed. I also liked the idea of Starlight blushing when she and Trixie were an inch apart.
I think there's where my trouble with the story comes in: the goal of this story is a little... murky. It's supposed to be funny, and it does that well enough. I think that if the goal is to poke fun at shipping, then it should commit itself to that idea. Perhaps make Starlight's attraction to Trixie even more apparent.
As others have commented, the ending is a little underwhelming. My suggestion, if you wish to hang on to the general idea, would be to shorten it and tighten it up. Gags run out of momentum quickly, after all.
The tire swing moment was definitely the high point. There's nothing overtly bad about this one, but nothing super clever, either. I think it's a good experience-builder though; Starlight's voice could use some more distinction, in particular. Trixie felt a little...too bombastic? Or rather, bombastic in an idiotic way. I can SEE her being overly loud, I can hear it, yet there's something just slightly...off, here.
It's just silly slapstick comedy, but sufficient comedy can forgive many sins. And this story got a number of laughs out of me. I agree with the flaws others have mentioned, but I still enjoyed it.
I have to wonder, is this the first story that was written knowing it would probably be outdated before the judging even ended?
I have to wonder, is this the first story that was written knowing it would probably be outdated before the judging even ended?
Post by
Remedyfortheheart
, deleted
This story beat me senseless with a meticulous weapon that I never thought would leave my cheeks being so hurt from the amount of smiling that this piece influences. We are given a clever little episodic moment between two redeemed characters in the show. Who, wouldn’t you know it, are up to some of their old tricks of sneaking behind other ponies backs. I had a blast reading this one and it would be top shelf for literally entertaining me. It did it’s job in a very professional way I must say of being a fic writer’s piece. We are not a group of professionals. We are not people who do reviews for a living. We are people who come together for a hobby for the means of entertaining one another through the art of writing and literacy. While at the same time geeking out and conversing in creatives fashions. Now before I continue with the review let me wipe this smile off my face. *chainsaw rev*
POSITIVES
-Comedy
The element in which this piece resides in is well represented and played out. You took creative turns to fool your audience into thinking one thing and then correct them on their little assumptions. It was watching a Looney Tunes Cartoon. Even if you aren’t watching it, it’ll brighten up the room with it’s aura. It was delightful in it’s funny scenes then still played out somewhat serious enough to continue it’s storyline. It’s a bit overdone with the jokes, but boy did it have me giggling like a filly throughout the whole piece! I loved it and adored it for it’s really gutsy approach to bond with it’s audience. This is a writer looking to make someone’s day with just words alone. It’s highly admirable. It may have already been said but I think you overdid it some. I found myself placing the read down just to breath and get the giggles out. This can distract from the story and especially when someone is trying to review your story SERIOUSLY! (You’ve stopped me short on reading it about a dozen times. Because I couldn’t stop giggling. And I was at work!) Other than it being distracting from the main plotline I see this being a very good angle for you.
-Material
Comedy is nothing without its material. You as the writer had planned and set up your jokes with what the characters had with them while still keeping in mind what they were doing and who exactly they were. Most writers would forget these details and jumps jump on the joke without keeping to mind what the reader had already placed in their heads. From the rope used for the climb to the bit coin that was suppose to be used for travelling back home. It played out just really well. You took your hand and shown us a four of a kind full of jokers! This was by far the most interesting and indepth comedy I have read so far in my life! Thank you so much for adding to the variety of this contest! This piece was a blast. You did so well on material for your comedic purpose that I have no words to say about negatives. I’m still laughing about it all.
NEGATIVES
-Ending
A ship. We get to the ending and find at royal shipping notebook meant to treat subjects like characters in a story. Which brings to mind the question of “What do Gods do in their spare time?” Well… you answered it. Lol! While this still hit like a strong joke. It was played out a bit far for me which overplayed the joke and the fact that it was suppose to be your biggest punchline while at the same time act as your ending just didn’t the bullseye there. Now an ending where it would involve Twilight, Celestia, Luna, and Cadence having watched the entire thing and begging for the two to continue with their adventure would have made way for more interaction between characters and would have given an ending worth mentioning leaving it in a notebook and just having us deal with that fact just seemed to blow over too quickly. The info reveal in the diary was a bad effect leaving a stale taste. Having a bit more content would have solved it. So I think writing out a part with both girls leaving and burning the book would have made my day.
“Let us never speak of this travesty, again.” Starlight mumbled watching the pages spark into growing flames.
“Trixie agrees.” Both Magician and former Mayor watch as the last glimpse of their waifu fanart had bursted into flames.
“So...wanna get something to eat?” The lavender mare blushed heavily waiting on a reply, as she stamped out the fire and ashes of the former book.
“Trixie demands burritos!”
-Transition
So we’re placed right on a cliff with falling rocks. Our two main characters already facing deathly perils while latched onto unreliable roping. That just happened to be there. Whoa? Slow down! How did this all happen again? Oh right….falling rock. Really how did this happen in the first place? It’s missing some logic as to why the journal is so important and that the reason these ponies are willing to die for it is because “gossip”. Wha-? Maybe adding a bit of an intro scene would have added some pads for the extreme thrill ride you meant to take us on. You need an opening act for concerts and grand shows. You need an opening song before an episode. And you need candy before you drive away in your creepy van with kid in tow! What?! I take my niece shopping with me. And my van is not CREEPY!
-Backstory
We know the backstories to both Trixie and Starlight. Problem being was you kept bringing it up. They were excellent details to add and had wonderful jokes! The nazi one just slayed me. Wish there was one for Trixie but you seemed to lean more on Starlight. Perhaps favoritism? If that’s the case make her the main character for this tale. Do not make it back and forth and leave Trixie as the side character for the means of giving Starlight something to interact with. You had extra info which was nice but just didn’t really matter too much in the story. The bit about the water or being OCD with Starlight just didn’t seem to have any importance with the plot. You need to give us something new. Which you don’t seem to have problems with. Reeling back time just to remind us can be rather annoying and would tend to ruin moods. Adding the extra info that is just not needed adds this mindless fluff that leaves a bland taste. This wasn’t a really big problem with a story, but still something that could be corrected to make your story more effective.
Glorious work! I cannot contain it! The shipping! The wonderful shipping! I seriously don’t think it’s needed but that was the author’s punchline so I will not blame him for his choice. I do however wanted it to hit me more in my gut like his other jokes did. Which I cannot contain! Just wow! I was really impressed on the effort placed to force me to smile and laugh and freak out everyone in the office that I was spilling my guts out. (Btw thanks for that. I now look insane.) This was a fun piece. Like how I think most entries should be. Meant to be read with a short life span for the moment to spend with writer and reader. We bonded and I couldn’t ask for more! You made me laugh and I hope that this review can give you something to be proud of. You deserve it.
POSITIVES
-Comedy
The element in which this piece resides in is well represented and played out. You took creative turns to fool your audience into thinking one thing and then correct them on their little assumptions. It was watching a Looney Tunes Cartoon. Even if you aren’t watching it, it’ll brighten up the room with it’s aura. It was delightful in it’s funny scenes then still played out somewhat serious enough to continue it’s storyline. It’s a bit overdone with the jokes, but boy did it have me giggling like a filly throughout the whole piece! I loved it and adored it for it’s really gutsy approach to bond with it’s audience. This is a writer looking to make someone’s day with just words alone. It’s highly admirable. It may have already been said but I think you overdid it some. I found myself placing the read down just to breath and get the giggles out. This can distract from the story and especially when someone is trying to review your story SERIOUSLY! (You’ve stopped me short on reading it about a dozen times. Because I couldn’t stop giggling. And I was at work!) Other than it being distracting from the main plotline I see this being a very good angle for you.
-Material
Comedy is nothing without its material. You as the writer had planned and set up your jokes with what the characters had with them while still keeping in mind what they were doing and who exactly they were. Most writers would forget these details and jumps jump on the joke without keeping to mind what the reader had already placed in their heads. From the rope used for the climb to the bit coin that was suppose to be used for travelling back home. It played out just really well. You took your hand and shown us a four of a kind full of jokers! This was by far the most interesting and indepth comedy I have read so far in my life! Thank you so much for adding to the variety of this contest! This piece was a blast. You did so well on material for your comedic purpose that I have no words to say about negatives. I’m still laughing about it all.
NEGATIVES
-Ending
A ship. We get to the ending and find at royal shipping notebook meant to treat subjects like characters in a story. Which brings to mind the question of “What do Gods do in their spare time?” Well… you answered it. Lol! While this still hit like a strong joke. It was played out a bit far for me which overplayed the joke and the fact that it was suppose to be your biggest punchline while at the same time act as your ending just didn’t the bullseye there. Now an ending where it would involve Twilight, Celestia, Luna, and Cadence having watched the entire thing and begging for the two to continue with their adventure would have made way for more interaction between characters and would have given an ending worth mentioning leaving it in a notebook and just having us deal with that fact just seemed to blow over too quickly. The info reveal in the diary was a bad effect leaving a stale taste. Having a bit more content would have solved it. So I think writing out a part with both girls leaving and burning the book would have made my day.
“Let us never speak of this travesty, again.” Starlight mumbled watching the pages spark into growing flames.
“Trixie agrees.” Both Magician and former Mayor watch as the last glimpse of their waifu fanart had bursted into flames.
“So...wanna get something to eat?” The lavender mare blushed heavily waiting on a reply, as she stamped out the fire and ashes of the former book.
“Trixie demands burritos!”
-Transition
So we’re placed right on a cliff with falling rocks. Our two main characters already facing deathly perils while latched onto unreliable roping. That just happened to be there. Whoa? Slow down! How did this all happen again? Oh right….falling rock. Really how did this happen in the first place? It’s missing some logic as to why the journal is so important and that the reason these ponies are willing to die for it is because “gossip”. Wha-? Maybe adding a bit of an intro scene would have added some pads for the extreme thrill ride you meant to take us on. You need an opening act for concerts and grand shows. You need an opening song before an episode. And you need candy before you drive away in your creepy van with kid in tow! What?! I take my niece shopping with me. And my van is not CREEPY!
-Backstory
We know the backstories to both Trixie and Starlight. Problem being was you kept bringing it up. They were excellent details to add and had wonderful jokes! The nazi one just slayed me. Wish there was one for Trixie but you seemed to lean more on Starlight. Perhaps favoritism? If that’s the case make her the main character for this tale. Do not make it back and forth and leave Trixie as the side character for the means of giving Starlight something to interact with. You had extra info which was nice but just didn’t really matter too much in the story. The bit about the water or being OCD with Starlight just didn’t seem to have any importance with the plot. You need to give us something new. Which you don’t seem to have problems with. Reeling back time just to remind us can be rather annoying and would tend to ruin moods. Adding the extra info that is just not needed adds this mindless fluff that leaves a bland taste. This wasn’t a really big problem with a story, but still something that could be corrected to make your story more effective.
Glorious work! I cannot contain it! The shipping! The wonderful shipping! I seriously don’t think it’s needed but that was the author’s punchline so I will not blame him for his choice. I do however wanted it to hit me more in my gut like his other jokes did. Which I cannot contain! Just wow! I was really impressed on the effort placed to force me to smile and laugh and freak out everyone in the office that I was spilling my guts out. (Btw thanks for that. I now look insane.) This was a fun piece. Like how I think most entries should be. Meant to be read with a short life span for the moment to spend with writer and reader. We bonded and I couldn’t ask for more! You made me laugh and I hope that this review can give you something to be proud of. You deserve it.