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Completely Safe in the Reference Section
The gateway spell left Twilight Sparkle deaf, blind, and slimy.
The first two conditions faded after a few seconds. Sound returned first, in the form of a constant high ring, like somepony had set off a symphony of bells inside her head. In time the clamor faded, replaced by a chorus of groans, coughs, and mumbled complaints from the ponies around her.
So she wasn’t alone, at least. That was good. The gateway spell must have grabbed them all.
“Is everypony alright?” she asked. Her voice sounded distant and cottony, words overheard from the next room. Her vision reappeared – dancing purple blots, their margins alive with frantic sparkles, replaced the complete darkness. Vague shapes appeared that moved slowly around her.
“I… think so,” Applejack said. A few feet away, an orange blob sat up, topped with a sad cowpony hat. “What is this stuff?”
“It’s ectoplasm. It’s omnipresent throughout interdimensional tunnels.” Twilight lifted a foreleg, and slimy strands of goop ran down her limb to the floor. It covered them all, viscous as snot and glowing a faint green and smelling of ammonia. Her wings flicked open, tossing a shower of mucus out onto the walls.
Walls? She stopped to inspect their surroundings, which seemed to be dark, solid crystal, as was the floor beneath her. Further away, bookshelves stuffed with old tomes and cardboard boxes lined the room. Some of them had her cutie mark drawn on the side.
They’d landed in her basement. For the first time in hours, Twilight Sparkle allowed herself to smile.
“It’s not going to hurt us, will it?” Rarity asked. She scraped the slime off her chest, revealing a swath of white coat.
“It’s harmless. Ectoplasm is only metastable in real universes. It should evaporate any second now.” Twilight spat out a dribble that ran down her muzzle into her lips. “Any second now, please.”
“So, did we get it?” Rainbow Dash asked. She stood and shook, spraying them all, then trotted over to help Fluttershy stand. “I kinda lost track of things after the explosions started.”
Twilight’s smile expanded into a grin. Her horn glowed, and the heavy book weighing down her saddlebags floated out before them. The ectoplasm bubbled and fizzed where it touched the book’s cover, vanishing in thin tendrils of white unsmoke.
“We did it, girls!” She hugged the volume to her chest. It was warm and seemed to hum in time with her heartbeat. “Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex! The only copy known to have survived Luna’s Rebellion!” She rubbed her cheek against the cover. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”
“Well, better in our hooves than that evil cult’s, I suppose.” Rarity sniffed at the ectoplasm that still clung to her and made a little face. “What are you going to do with it now? Burn it?”
“Maybe bury it,” Applejack said.
“Toss it in the ocean!” Rainbow Dash said. “During a hurricane!”
“Um, lock it someplace safe?” Fluttershy said.
“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie slid on her belly into their huddle, sending a wave of ectoplasm across the floor. “Chop it up into confetti!”
“No, girls. None of those,” Twilight said. “There’s only one thing to do with a book like this…”
Twilight Sparkle was reading on her favorite cushion when Rarity arrived.
A week had passed since their extra-dimensional escape. It was late afternoon, and the sunlight pouring through the huge crystal windows spanning her castle library cast warm pools on the floor that moved in time with the sun. Every quarter of an hour she stopped, shifted her cushion back into the center of the sunlight, and resumed reading.
“Knock knock!” Rarity called from the library’s door. “Twilight, do you have a moment?”
“Of course, Rarity.” Twilight marked her place with a bookmark and trotted over to her friend for a quick nuzzle. “What do you need?”
“Just looking for a songbook for Sweetie. Maybe some showtunes? She’s thinking of joining the school’s theater group next year.”
“Hm.” Twilight led her over to the library’s Arts section. “All of our music-related books are here. If you see one you like, just take it over to the check-out counter.”
“Thank you, darling.” Rarity started perusing the titles, and Twilight returned to her sun-soaked reading spot.
A few cushion-shifts later, Rarity’s voice interrupted Twilight’s reading again. She looked up to see Rarity standing in the reference section with a few slender books floating in the air behind her. But her attention was on reference shelf, and she was frowning.
“I’m sorry?” Twilight said.
“I said, what is this doing here?”
Hm. Twilight closed her book again and trotted over to join her friend, who had backed a few steps away. A quick scan of the shelf revealed why.
“Oh! That’s Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex. Remember, we went on that quest last week to retrieve it from—”
“Yes, I recall.” Rarity snorted quietly, her nostrils flaring in that dainty way Twilight could never replicate no matter how many hours she spent in front of the mirror trying. “I mean, why is it here.”
“Uh.” Twilight looked around. “In the library?”
“Yes.”
“It’s…” Twilight paused. Trick question? No, Rarity wasn’t like that. “It’s a book.”
“It’s dangerous. You said it was dangerous! You said it was filled with dark magic and we had to get it away from those zebras before they used it to, and I quote, ‘Unleash the End Times, raising a wave of hungry shadows that would sweep o’er the lands, leaving naught but ghosts and entropy in its wake’! You said that!”
Twilight nodded. “And now it’s safe. Thank you again for helping with that, by the way. I know the ectoplasm took hours to get out of everything.”
“Safe? Twilight, it’s in your library. Anypony could just come in and take it!”
“Oh. Oh!” Twilight started to laugh, only stopping when she realized Rarity was serious. “Oh. You’re serious. Relax, Rarity. It’s in the Reference section. You can’t check reference books out.”
Rarity stared at her.
Finally, “Twilight, dear, you know I love you, so please don’t take any of what I’m about to say as criticism. But don’t you think that’s a little… foolhardy? Anypony could walk in and read that book.”
“It’s a library, Rarity. That’s what it’s for.”
Rarity exhaled in a hiss. “Libraries are for literature, Twilight. Foal’s books, cookbooks, songbooks! They’re not for dark magic! Believe me, I’ve made enough mistakes with dark magic books. They’re not supposed to just be lying around in libraries!”
“Uh huh.” Twilight sat back on her haunches. “And where did you find the Inspiration Manifestation spellbook?”
“Well, Spike brought it to me.”
“And where did he find it?”
“In the old castle in the Everfree.”
“What part of the old castle?”
Rarity paused. “In the, ah… well, in the library. But it was in a hidden section!”
“Yes.” Twilight allowed herself a smile. This was where she won. “And I firmly admonished Spike for removing it without permission. Reference books cannot be checked out of the library.”
Rarity stomped a hoof. “You’re serious. You’re serious! You honestly intend to let anypony walk into this library, pull out this book—” here she did, floating the Codex out of the shelf and opening it before her to flip through the pages, “—and read it whenever they want?”
“As long as they don’t check it out, yes. That’s how libraries work.”
“And what if somepony just decides to walk out with it anyway?”
“I put a tracking gem in the spine. It will set off an alarm.” Wait, that was a secret! Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. “I mean, uh… don’t tell anypony that, though.”
Rarity flipped to another page and narrowed her eyes as she scanned the book. “I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit, darling. I still say you should destroy this filthy thing.” She snapped the book closed, raising a cloud of dust from the ancient pages, and slid it back onto the shelf.
Twilight winced at the rough treatment. “I appreciate that concern, Rarity, but I don’t believe in destroying books, or hiding them. The citizens of Ponyville are responsible, upstanding ponies, and I trust their wisdom and discretion. That book is quite safe where it is.”
“And then she refused to discuss it any more! She just gave me that little smug look she has – you know the one, darling, where she tilts her head back and looks down her muzzle at you while she’s smiling, like you’re some little foal who can’t work out a basic arithmetic problem without her assistance – and asked me if there were any other books I wanted. Ugh, you know I love her, of course, but she can just be so infuriating sometimes! Like she’s the smartest pony in the room and of course she could never be wrong about anything! Library this, library that, books books books. And not a single thought to how dangerous that book could be to anypony who happens to pick it up!”
“Oh, um.” Fluttershy sat silently through Rarity’s latest discourse, her tiny teacup held before her like a shield. “Well, Twilight is very smart.”
“Yes! She is the smartest stupid mare I’ve ever met!” Rarity slammed her teacup down on the table with enough force to rattle the silverware. Other patrons at the Haymarket Cafe turned to glance at them before retreating from Rarity’s scowl.
“She’s not stupid, Rarity.” Fluttershy frowned down at her teacup. “She’s just… eccentric about some things. You know how she feels about her library.”
Rarity waited before responding, long enough for the tension to seep from her tight muscles. “You’re right, of course. Please, don’t ever tell her I said that. I just wish she were more reasonable sometimes.”
“Well, maybe she’s right?”
“Maybe? Maybe? Et tu, Fluttershy?” Rarity sighed. “I’ve made that mistake, Fluttershy. I know how easy it is to let a book of dark magic seduce you. It doesn’t feel wrong – on the contrary, it feels like the most right thing ever! You feel stupid for not doing it sooner! And then, before you know it, you’re transforming half the town into a colossal mess. All because you opened that silly book and weren’t strong enough to resist.”
Fluttershy stared at her tea. She seemed to hunch down even further than normal, and her eyes darted left and right. She whispered something under her breath, so quiet Rarity wouldn’t have even known she’d spoken if she hadn’t seen her lips move.
Rarity frowned. “I’m sorry, darling?”
“I said, I’ve already ready it.” She trailed off in a high mouse-like squeak.
Rarity gawked at her. “Wha.. Fluttershy! Why? Don’t you know how dangerous that is!?”
“Oh, it’s not, really. It’s just a book. I was in the library helping Twilight with the castle’s aardvark infestation, and we were waiting for the traps to cool down, and I saw it on the shelf. After all we went through last week, I was curious why the zebras were so excited about it, so I read a few pages.” Fluttershy set her tea down and rubbed the sides of her hooves together as she spoke. “It even had some ideas about how to care for special animals, but nothing evil.”
“Ugh.” Rarity rested her head on her crossed forelegs. “That’s how it starts, darling. It seems harmless. Promise me you won’t do anything that horrible book suggests?”
“Oh, um.” Fluttershy looked away again. “If it will make you feel better. I promise. It didn't even have spells, really. Just... ideas. Interesting ideas.”
Rarity gave Fluttershy a long, hard stare, enough to set the pegasus squirming. But finally she sighed. At some point friends had to trust each other, after all.
“Very good. Now, let’s talk about something more pleasant, shall we?”
“Helloooo, anypony here? Twilight?” Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed through the library. “Where are you?”
“One moment!” Twilight shouted back. She made a final note on her essay exploring the properties of unusually long-lasting ectoplasm and trotted out of her study into the library’s main room, where Rainbow Dash stood. “Hey Dash. What brings you here?”
“Eh, was wondering if you had any books on weather.”
“We have a whole bookshelf on weather!” Twilight trotted over to the natural sciences section. “Anything in particular?”
“Sorta. The weather team’s annual fair is next week and I’m in charge of the demonstration. We need something cooler than last year. Something more… hm, awesome, yeah. Awesome.”
Twilight frowned. “What about the tornado you did last year? That got everypony very excited.”
“Mayor Mare said we’re not allowed to do tornadoes anymore.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Something about liability. So I need some new ideas.”
“Well, how about Cold Front’s Philology of Extreme Weather Phenomena?” Twilight slid the fourth edition volume from the shelf. “Mind you, it’s mostly about how to pronounce the storms, but he goes into quite a bit of detail about creating them as well.”
“Hm. Maybe.” Dash flipped through a few pages, scanning them with a haphazard eye. “Mind if I look at the rest of these?”
“Of course not, Dash. It’s a library. Just let me know when you find one that looks useful.”
Somewhat to Twilight’s surprise, Rainbow Dash actually stuck around, browsing through several books while Twilight returned to her essay. Nearly an hour passed before Rainbow’s voice sounded again.
“Hey, Twilight! Twilight! What’s this?”
“What’s what?” Twilight followed Rainbow’s voice to the reference section. “Oh, that’s Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex. Remember, we went on that quest last week to—”
“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow had the Codex out on her lap, and she turned the page slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me it had stuff about weather?”
“It has something about everything! No matter who reads it, Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex will provide dark and forbidden knowledge on the topic most relevant to that pony. Those zebras we stole it from were most interested in resurrecting Cthubl’lekth the Eyeless, so the Codex provided them with spells and techniques they could use to—”
“Yeah, okay, got it.” Rainbow flipped another page. “So you’re saying, like, if Applejack read this, it would be filled with spells and stuff about apples?”
Twilight frowned. “Applejack is a complex pony with a wide range of interests and characteristics, Rainbow. Not only is Honesty her Element and primary value, but she is also a loving, hardworking and determined mare. You can’t just condense her entire being down to ‘apples’.”
“But it would probably be apples, right?”
“Well… I mean, probably. Statistically. But there’s still a lot more to her than just apples.”
“Uh huh.” Rainbow hefted the book in her hooves. “Can I take this with me?”
“No, it’s a reference book. You can’t check out reference books.”
“Oh. Can I write some of it down, then?”
“Sure! Let me get you some paper.”
Rarity had almost completely forgotten the trouble with the codex and the ectoplasm and the dark magic lurking in plain sight in Twilight’s library when Fluttershy came to visit.
She was at work on her sewing machine, stitching cloth panels together for an airy summer dress. It was apprentice’s work, though she had no apprentices. Easy, calming. She could do it with her eyes shut.
The silver bell above her door jangled, and a moment later she heard Fluttershy’s voice from the lobby. “It’s just me, Rarity. I was wondering if you had any spare cloth I could give to my animal friends for their bedding.”
“Of course, darling.” This was not an uncommon request. She knew Fluttershy received a small stipend from the town to cover her animal-care expenses, but it wasn’t nearly enough to pay for everything her menagerie needed. So, like most of the town’s business owners, Rarity made small in-kind donations when she could. Celestia knew she went through enough fabric. “Any particular kind? I have cotton and a little bit of linen.”
There was a quiet thump from the lobby as Fluttershy opened the fabric trunk. “Do you have any asbestos?”
“Third shelf from the bottom. Make sure you wear a mask when handling it.” Rarity finished a long seam and smiled at her work.
Wait. She turned off the sewing machine and walked out into the lobby.
“I’m sorry, darling. Did you say asbestos?”
Fluttershy nodded. She had a white paper surgical mask on her muzzle and a bolt of fine bluish-white cloth in her hooves. “Oh, yes. It’s nice and soft and it won’t catch fire.”
“Yes, but why do you need asbestos? You know how dangerous it can be. You didn’t find another phoenix, did you?”
“Oh no, I learned my lesson with Philomena,” Fluttershy said. “But there are so many fire-breathing creatures in the Everfree, I figured I should be prepared to help any of them.”
“Hm, well. I don’t like the idea of you doing anything dangerous, darling.” Not to mention asbestos was much more expensive than cotton, but Rarity shoved that thought to the back of her mind where it belonged. “Do be careful with it, will you? And with whatever animals you need it for.”
“Oh, you know me, Rarity. I’m always careful!” Fluttershy’s mask dimpled, as though she were smiling behind it, and she trotted out the boutique with the asbestos balanced between her wings.
So, that was interesting. A little frown marred Rarity’s face, but after a moment she shrugged and returned to her workroom.
Fluttershy knew more about caring for animals than anypony, after all. If she said she needed asbestos, it was for a good reason.
“This is fascinating. Spike, did you know that ectoplasm can sometimes persist for weeks if it’s subjected to a high-potential magical field during translocation to real universes?”
“Uh huh. I think I read that somewhere,” Spike said. He stood on a stool next to the kitchen counter, leaning over a mixing bowl and occasionally adding handfuls of crushed rubies to the dough churning within.
“I’m surprised more unicorns aren’t already aware of that,” Twilight continued. She made a little note in the margin of the book she was reading. “It would make dimensional travel a lot less messy if we could somehow mitigate the effect.”
“Do you really think other unicorns do a lot of dimensional travel?”
“Well.” Twilight paused for a moment. “Not in this universe. But maybe unicorns in other universes do?”
“Maybe unicorns in other universes like ectoplasm. Then they wouldn’t want to make it less messy.”
Twilight frowned. “Now you’re just being pedantic.”
“No, I’m ridiculing your appeal to an untestable hypothesis by proposing another, even sillier hypothesis.” Spike removed the mixing bowl from the mixer and carried it over to the refrigerator to let the dough ferment.
Twilight’s frown flipped over into a small smile, and walked up behind him and nuzzled the top of his head. “I taught you well, Spike.”
“Aw, thanks.” He ducked and blushed, but then wrapped his little arms around her chest in a hug. “I had a good teacher. So, when is Applejack coming over?”
“As soon as she and Big Macintosh finish up in the market. I would imagine—” the distant creak of the castle’s front door, followed by the ring of horseshoes on crystal interrupted her. “Actually, I bet that’s her now. Could you bring the tea into the library when it’s done?”
“Sure, sis.”
Applejack was browsing the genealogy shelves when Twilight reached the library. She still had her saddlebags on, and a faint sheen of sweat from the day’s work glistened in her coat. She waved as Twilight approached.
“Howdy, princess. Saw you had some traps out. Aardvarks again?”
Twilight nodded. “They just keep coming back. Fluttershy thinks it’s the crystal. Anyway, how was your day?”
“Good, good. Sold apples, made money. The usual. You?”
“Oh, listening to complaints, adjudicating minor disputes, ectoplasm research. Princess stuff.”
“Better you’n me.” Applejack sat on one of the cushions Twilight had set out for her guests. “Anyway, you’re prolly wondering why I’m here. I ran into Rarity the other day, and she had some concerns.”
“Oh.” Twilight sighed. “Let me guess. About a book?”
“Yup. One book in particular. That codex-thing we stole from the zebra cult.”
“I prefer the term ‘recovered,’ but I know which book you mean.” Twilight concentrated, and Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex floated off the shelf over to land between them. “Did she say why she was upset?”
“She spent a lot of time talkin’ about that very topic, actually. I’m guessing you’re familiar with her points so I won’t rehash them here.” Applejack nudged the book with her hoof. “So, are they true?”
“Well, she was probably correct on the facts of the matter,” Twilight said. “Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex does contain what most ponies would consider dark magic, and yes, I do have it available for study in the library’s reference section. I suppose we just disagree on how appropriate that is. Given Rarity’s history with dark magic books, I can see why she is apprehensive about them.”
“Uh huh.” Applejack delicately flipped the cover up and squinted at the first page. When it didn’t bite, she flipped through the index and the first chapter. “Lotta stuff about apples in here. Anyway, I guess Fluttershy was reading through this thing too?”
“Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, actually. And you’ll note that neither of them have been subverted by dark magic and begun twisting Ponyville into horrid mockeries of their ideal world-states.”
“Does that happen often?”
“Eh.” Twilight waggled a hoof back and forth. “Sometimes.”
Applejack slowly closed the book.
“So,” she said. “I guess my concern is that just about anypony could come in here and walk away with this thing.”
“Actually, it’s in the reference section, so it can’t be—”
“Yeah, yeah. It can’t be checked out. Rarity said that.” Applejack slid the book a few inches closer to Twilight. “But what’s to stop somepony from just stealing it?”
Twilight smiled. “Oh, Applejack. I didn’t become a librarian yesterday. We have ways to make sure nopony steals our books.”
“Fluttershy, darling, you know I don’t like to pry.”
“Oh, um, of course, Rarity.”
“And I would never intrude upon my friends’ personal lives without due consideration to their privacy.”
“Well, Rarity, sometimes you—”
“What I’m saying is, I’m concerned. You’ve been acting a little odd, lately.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, yes. It’s little things, of course. I doubt most other ponies would have noticed, but they aren’t as close friends as we are, hm? Also I like to think I’m the perceptive sort. It’s the details that matter in fashion and design, you know. Where a button fits, the look of a certain stitch, or whether two shades match in the sunlight compared with the shade. For example, I was working with a lovely bit of periwinkle fabric the other day, and it was just dreadfully difficult to pair with a beautiful sapphire ribbon I’d been saving for months. Oh, it looked fine in my shop, but whenever I took the ensemble outside the colors just clashed hideously, and I ended up having to replace the sapphire with a more subdued emerald. It didn’t have quite the same look, the same sense of unity, but in the end it worked well enough. Fortunately, I had enough of the… Oh, I’m sorry, listen to me. We’re supposed to be talking about you.”
“We are?”
“We are. Now, like I said, the others may not have noticed yet, but don’t think I haven’t! You’re spending much more time than usual in your cottage. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a little homebound, but this is downright reclusive of you. I know you were reading that horrid book Twilight is keeping in her library, and the other day you asked me for all that asbestos. And, well...”
“Yes?”
“Well, ah. How to say this. You seem to have a few burns.”
More than a few, actually. Fluttershy didn’t seem to be injured, per se, but the left side of her mane was nearly gone, along with the coat covering her forelegs up to her knees. Little black speckles and streaks of soot painted her skin grey. Even from feet away, even over the thick steam and incense wafting up from the Lotus Luxury Spa’s hot tub they were both lounging in, Rarity could smell the ash.
“Oh, those.” Fluttershy smiled. “It’s very nice of you to be so concerned, Rarity, but I’m just fine.”
“Fine? Just fine, all scorched like that?”
“It’s just hair, Rarity. Yes, just hair, don’t look so shocked. It will grow back. But if I don’t help all of the poor animals that get hurt in the Everfree, they might die! You don’t want the poor animals to die, do you, Rarity?”
“Well, no, of course not.” Rarity said. She leaned back against the tub wall to give Fluttershy some space. “But darling, certainly you can be more careful than this?”
“I am very careful, Rarity. That’s what the asbestos was for. If it weren’t for that cloth, Smokey would have probably burned my cottage down. Then he would be homeless.”
“Smokey? Fluttershy, what sort of animal are you tending to? It’s not a dragon, is it?”
“Oh, no. Smokey is just a little salamander.”
Rarity frowned and considered that for a long moment. “When you say salamander, do you mean the small amphibian, or the large, poisonous, fire-dwelling monster?”
“Oh, Smokey’s not a monster. He’s very nice.” She paused and swatted a the water. “But the rest is true.”
Rarity sighed. “Fluttershy, why?”
“Because if I don’t, who will?” Fluttershy sat up straighter. “There are many veterinarians in Equestria, Rarity, and plenty of ponies who can look after regular wild animals. But who can help take care of manticores or chimeras or cockatrices or salamanders when they get hurt? Nopony can, unless I learn to help them. The book said that salamanders are very calm if—”
“Wait, book?” Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “You mean the Codex, don’t you? Is that what got you on about taking care of monsters?”
“They’re not monsters,” Fluttershy said again. “No more than ponies are monsters, just because we have magic. And hurt salamanders need help just as much as hurt beavers or bears.”
Rarity shook her head. “I can’t say I agree with what you’re doing, Fluttershy. It seems very dangerous, and that book... Ugh, you can't trust anything you read in it. Promise me that you’ll at least ask us for help if you need?”
“Of course, Rarity.” Fluttershy reached out a hoof to rest on Rarity’s shoulder. “I’m not that silly or stubborn. If I ever need help, you’ll be the first to know.”
Rarity was not, in fact, the first pony to know that Fluttershy needed help with her salamander. The fire department was.
Twilight Sparkle was the second. She was emptying the aardvark traps behind her castle when Fluttershy arrived.
“Oh, hello Fluttershy!” she said. She put the empty traps in a barrel of water to cool, then trotted over to give her friend a nuzzle. “How are you? Also, why do you smell like smoke?”
“Oh, um, about that.” Fluttershy coughed, raising a puff of sooty dust from her coat. “Do you mind if we talk inside? I need some advice.”
Advice! Ponies were coming to her for advice! She was a real grown-up! Twilight swelled with joy, and she allowed herself to float on the euphoric feeling for a moment before tamping it back down into her chest. Fluttershy needed her – she could relive this moment later.
“Of course. Come on it. I’ll get you some tea. Spike! Spiiiiike! Make some tea!”
“Oh, thank you. I am a bit thirsty.” Fluttershy followed as Twilight led them into the library. Rather than sit on the offered cushion, she opted for the floor. “Less likely to stain,” she explained.
“Very thoughtful of you,” Twilight said. She poured them both iced tea from the pitched Spike brought into the library. “Now, how can I help you?”
“Um, you remember the Codex? You said it provided magic and techniques on whatever topic was of interest to a particular pony?”
“Yes. Well, dark magic and techniques, but yes.”
“So, if a pony was desperately interested in how to find a runaway salamander, the codex might have information for them?”
Twilight tilted her head. “That’s awfully specific, but it doesn’t hurt to try.” Her horn glowed, and the Codex floated out of the reference section over to them. She opened it and set it before Fluttershy. “Anything?”
Fluttershy scanned the pages for a moment, then shook her head. “It just says to call the fire department. The dark fire department. I already did that.”
“We have a dark fire department?”
“No, just a regular one. But they’re probably the same.” She sighed again.
“Okay.” Twilight took the book back and closed it gently. “Why don’t you tell me what the problem is? Is it about Smokey?”
“It is.” Fluttershy sniffed and looked away. “He burned through his asbestos nest and escaped this morning.”
“Well, he should be pretty easy to find. Can’t you just follow the trail of ashes and smoke?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “There’s too many. He wandered into the Fireworks and Propane store.”
“Oh, oooh.” Twilight extended a wing to rest across Fluttershy’s back. “It’s okay. I’m sure he’ll turn up somewhere. Eventually.”
Fluttershy sniffed again, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “But what if he doesn’t? What if he got caught on one of those fireworks and launched halfway across the Everfree? I think Rarity might have been right all along.”
“Rarity?” Twilight frowned. “What did Rarity tell you?”
“She said the Codex was was evil and would lead us to ruin if we read it.”
Twilight sighed. “Fluttershy, listen to me. Rarity means well, but you know she has a history with dark magic books. I think she’s a little biased in her perspective. You can’t blame a book just because something went wrong. Nopony could have predicted Smokey would escape.”
“But maybe it was a bad idea to try keeping a live salamander in a town filled with pony homes and businesses?”
“Well.” Twilight paused. “That might be a good idea in general. But you can’t blame the book for that. Sometimes common sense is important! For example, Rainbow Dash used the Codex to plan tomorrow’s weather team fair, and I just know she used common sense and discretion. The Codex is only a guide. How we use it is up to us!”
Rarity was browsing the Ponyville weather team’s Flood Awareness Booth when Twilight Sparkle found her.
“Hello, Rarity,” Twilight said. “Do you have a moment?”
“Of course, darling.” Rarity put back the pamphlet on desert arroyos and gave the pegasus colt behind the counter a smile. “Are you enjoying the fair so far?”
“I am. Elephant ear?” Twilight floated a disk of fried dough the size of a dinner plate, topped with honey and cinnamon apples and powdered sugar, over to Rarity. A second, half-eaten one floated beside Twilight’s head.
“Hm.” Normally Rarity disdained carnival food, but the Ponyville Weather Fair only happened once a year. She grasped the floating treat in her own magic and took a dainty bite. “Mm, thank you. Don’t be offended if I can’t finish it, though.”
“I know. They’re pretty big.” Twilight grazed on her elephant ear for a bit as the two wandered through the fair, passing booths on various weather phenomena, each staffed by an earnest pegasus and their foals. “Anyway, have you spoken with Fluttershy lately?”
“Not since yesterday. I heard what happened, by the way. With her salamander.”
“Yes. It’s fortunate nopony was injured. But that’s why I wanted to talk with you. Apparently you spoke with Fluttershy about the Codex?”
“In a sense.” Rarity took a particularly large bite of her elephant ear, ending up with a smear of cinnamon apple on her muzzle. She lapped at it with her tongue and eventually managed to get most of it. “I asked her if she was alright, given how she’s looked the past few days. Apparently that Codex gave her the idea for the salamander, Twilight. Does that strike you as safe?”
“Fluttershy is a grown pony, Rarity. She can make her own decisions. Just because she got an idea from the Codex doesn’t mean the Codex somehow forced her to find a salamander and try to care for it.”
“Hm. Darling, please don’t take my demeanor for being smug. I am terribly sad about what happened to Fluttershy’s cottage and Fireworks and Propane. But I do take a certain satisfaction in being correct, and right now I feel very correct. I think you should get rid of that book before anypony else makes the mistake of reading it.”
Twilight smiled. “I’ll have you know, Fluttershy was not the only pony to read the Codex. In fact, there’s a pony here today who read it for inspiration, and we’re about to see her work.”
Rarity froze. She mentally rewound through the day, trying to imagine all the ponies who had boasted to her of some feat or other. In the end, of course, only one stood out. “Rainbow Dash?”
“Yep! She read the Codex for inspiration for this year’s demonstration.”
“Oh.” Rarity took another bite and chewed in thoughtful silence. “I thought she was doing another tornado?”
Twilight took her time before answering. She led them to the large viewing stands set up for the demonstration and found a comfy spot away from the bustling crowd. “Apparently Mayor Mare won’t let her. But Rarity, you’re missing the point! Rainbow Dash actually conducted research, and the Codex helped her! How could you be upset with that?”
“Aren’t you worried about what it taught her?” Rarity looked over her shoulder, then up at the skies. They were blue and cloudless as far as she could see. “She could have anything planned.”
Twilight shrugged. “She said it was a surprise. And, let’s be honest, it can’t be much worse than that tornado.”
“Your optimism is boundless.” Rarity finished off the last of her elephant ear, leaving nothing but a faint dusting of powdered sugar on her hooves. After a quick glance around to make sure nopony else but Twilight was watching, she wiped them on her coat. “I’ve given the matter some thought, Twilight, and I think I know why we disagree on this matter so much.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. You have a fundamentally sunny view of pony nature. You’re comfortable with giving everypony who wants access to that Codex, because you believe, in the end, ponies will make the right choices.”
“I accept, for the purpose of this argument, that you are correct.”
“Very good. I, on the other hoof, have a somewhat dimmer view of pony nature, I suppose. I think it is dangerous to put that Codex in a public library where anypony who wants can come up and discover some dangerous technique or spell. Most ponies – indeed, the majority – may make the right decisions, but what about the ponies who don’t? Doesn’t the danger posed by those ponies outweigh the intangible benefit of making that knowledge open to all?”
“I can’t agree with your characterization of free knowledge as an ‘intangible benefit,’ Rarity. I believe that making as much knowledge available to as many ponies as possible is one of the hallmarks of an open society, and as a librarian I have a responsibility to uphold that value. Ponies make mistakes, yes – that is what ponies do. But ponies learn from mistakes, too. Fluttershy may have had a bad experience caring for that salamander, but she is also a better, wiser pony for having done so.”
“Hm.” Rarity was quiet for a moment as she pondered her next move. Around them, ponies had started settling into the viewing stands in preparation for Rainbow Dash’s weather demonstration. An eager buzz built in the crowd. “But what of the potential costs, Twilight? I suppose wanting to care for injured animals is harmless, but think about all the other terrible things that book could lead to?”
“I believe we would be fine,” Twilight said. “Whatever evils ponies make, ponies of good heart can unmake.”
“Mhm.” Rarity turned toward the horizon, where a dark cloud billowed just above the trees. “Oh, it seems that Rainbow’s demonstration is about to start.”
The cloud grew, but there was something odd about it. Even from miles distant, Rarity could tell it was too small to be a real cloud. It roiled over the trees, expanding and contracting like a thing alive. A low, harsh hum filled Rarity’s ears and vibrated in her bones.
Twilight tilted her head. “Dust storm, maybe?”
“Where would she get the dust? No, I think it must be some kind of dirty snow.”
“I suppose we’ll find out in a second. Look, there she is!” Twilight pointed a hoof just as Rainbow Dash rocketed overhead. Behind her, the dark, shifting cloud drew ever closer. The ominous hum turned into a buzzsaw that set Rarity’s coat on end.
A large grasshopper, half the size of Rarity’s hoof, landed on the bench beside them. It stumbled, rolled onto its side, and righted itself with a flash of membranous wings. It sat between them for a moment, its abdomen pulsing as it breathed, and then it leapt back into the air.
Two more grasshoppers replaced it. Then a third.
A fourth landed on Rarity’s knee. She gave it a little frown.
“Oh. Oooh.” Twilight glanced from the grasshoppers back to the huge, dark cloud beginning to break over the town. Several more of the insects had landed in her mane. “Locusts. That’s not really weather.”
“No, it isn’t,” Rarity said. She had to raise her voice to be heard over the endless rattle of billions of wings, not to mention the screaming ponies fleeing through the streets. “But this gets back to my point, Twilight. That book is dangerous.”
“The book isn’t dan-phflrk! Ptew!” Twilight spat out a grasshopper and started over. She had to lean closer – the buzzing wings were so loud now that they began to take on an almost musical tone, a constant E♭ in the timbre of a falling tree. “Ugh. The book isn’t dangerous, Rarity! Ponies just sometimes make poor choices!”
“What would it take to convince you otherwise?” Rarity held a hoof over her mouth to keep the locusts out. They were the only ponies left in the stands, now. Or, at least, so it seemed – Rarity couldn’t see more than a few feet in any direction through the flashing wings.
“It’s a matter of principle, Rarity! You can’t negotiate your principles!”
Rarity sighed. She would have liked to keep arguing, but it was getting too loud to hear Twilight, even from a few feet away. Instead she stood and fumbled her way, half-blind, through the dark blizzard to her boutique.
It was time to make some plans.
Twilight Sparkle was sweeping dead locusts out of the castle foyer when Rarity arrived.
She had a large push broom borrowed from the Ponyville Parks and Recreation service. It swept the locust husks into huge piles, and she used her magic to gather them and dump them in the street, where special wagons made twice-daily visits to collect the chitinous mass and deliver it to the town’s new locust incinerator. A pall of greasy smoke blew west from the town into the distance.
On the plus side, Twilight hadn’t seen any aardvarks in days.
“Hello, Twilight,” Rarity said as she walked in. “Sorry, here you are cleaning and I’m tracking new locusts all over the place.”
“It’s fine, just wipe your hooves on the mat.” Twilight shook the broom out and leaned it against the entryway, then walked over to give her friend a nuzzle. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you since the swarm.”
“Oh, busy, like all of us.” Rarity returned the nuzzle with a smile. “But the Boutique is almost cleared out, now. Just a few rooms to go.”
“Good, good. So, what brings you by?”
“Must I have a reason, darling? Can’t I simply visit a friend?” Rarity gave her a tiny pout, then sighed. “Ah, but you’re correct. Can we go to the library?”
Twilight led the way. The closer they got, the fewer locust corpses they had to step over, until by the time they reached the library the room appeared to be completely free of the insects.
“Are you familiar with the idea, ‘Heighten the Contradictions’?” Rarity asked. She set her saddlebags on one of the library’s tables, then wandered into the reference section. As expected, she returned with Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex floating before her, and she set it open on the table between them.
“Hm, I believe so.” Twilight closed her eyes and composed her next words before speaking. “Generally, it means to make a situation increasingly intolerable by taking actions that you disagree with, but comport with your opponent’s position, in order to show how ultimately damaging their position is.”
“Yes. And we’ve agreed that I, personally, am not in favor of studying dark magic.” Rarity pulled out a sheet of drafting paper and began sketching. Her eyes darted back and forth between her paper and the Codex. “But as you can see, here I am, studying it now.”
“Ah.” Twilight smiled. “I see. You intend to use the Codex’s techniques to create something so appalling, so awful, that I will have no choice but to accept your argument that it is dangerous to leave the Codex in the library’s public collection.”
“You perceive correctly,” Rarity said. She made a sharp, dark line on the paper, and winced as she did. She closed her eyes, took a long breath, and resumed her drawing.
“Even though you, of course, believe it is wrong to use the Codex in this way. This must be very painful for you.”
Rarity shivered again. Her pencil jittered across the paper, and the tip snapped off with a squeal. She exhaled slowly, several times, and produced a new pencil from her bag.
“More painful than you can imagine, Twilight. Here! I give you the fruits of your incaution! The rotten product of your inflexible principles!” Here she held up her drawing pad and thrust it into Twilight’s face. “Look, Twilight! Behold! Dark fashion!”
Twilight gasped and flinched away, but her eyes were fastened to the page. She could not blink. Rarity’s gruesome designs seized her brain with a horrible fascination, and she felt herself drawn back in.
Black cotton shirts littered with holes.
Fishnet lace leggings.
Horseshoes as thick as a phonebook.
Collars studded with metal spikes.
And all of it black.
“No… No no no…” she mumbled. “Rarity, you can’t create these! This is monstrous! It’s an abomination!”
“This is where your principles lead, Twilight! No, don’t look away!” She forced the papers back into Twilight’s face. “You have to see it, Twilight!”
“I.. no, no! Is that mascara?!”
“Yes! Pounds of it, Twilight! All the black mascara in Ponyville! In all the world! Alienated teenage fillies will love it! And do you know what I will call this line of clothing, Twilight?”
Twilight shook her head. Everything was numb, distant, foggy. But the true horror of the moment began to well up within her chest, and she knew Rarity’s answer before the unicorn spoke.
“I will call it, Twilight Sparkle’s Pride! You’ll be famous for it, Twilight!”
“No! Noo!”
“Yes!” Rarity shouted. Tears streamed down both their faces now. “But it’s not too late, Twilight! Say the words! Destroy the book, burn it, banish it, bury it, I care not how you go about it but rid your library of this accursed thing! And I will burn these designs to ash!”
So, that was it. Rarity’s final ultimatum. Heighten the contradictions, indeed! Twilight closed her eyes and let the future wash over her.
She could see it now. Little fillies and colts, eager for knowledge, visiting her library. But she had no knowledge! For Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex was banished, censored, prohibited. And after the Codex, what other books might go? Could she stop anything from being banned? How would the shelves of her library look, emptied?
Twilight let out a long breath. “I’m sorry, Rarity. I can’t ban a book. Do what you must.”
Rarity stared at her. The blasphemous designs shook in her magical grip. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the rush of blood in her ears and the faint, distant roar of the locust incinerator.
Rarity’s eyes fell. She stared at the floor, her sides heaving. The bundle of papers crumbled in her grip and vanished in a flash of blue flame. Ashes drifted to the crystal tiles.
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” she whispered. “I never meant to threaten you. I… I just wanted you to see how dangerous it could—urk!” She came to a sudden stop as Twilight gripped her in a fierce hug. They stood like that, silent as stones. Finally, Rarity slid to the floor, and they huddled against each other.
Breathe in, breathe out. She could smell the fear, the sweat, the locusts in Rarity's coat, but she didn't care. They held each other tight.
“It’s okay.” Twilight pressed her face against Rarity’s shoulder. “You just wanted to do what’s right. We both did. But, but… I think what really matters here is friendship, Rarity. You did the—”
“Excuse me,” a stallion’s deep voice broke into their conversation. “I see you two are very busy, but would it be okay if I checked this book out?”
Twilight blinked through her tears and looked up. A cowled zebra stood at the table, holding Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex in his hooves.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Twilight sniffled. “That’s a reference book. You can’t check out reference books.”
“Ah, I understand. I apologize for troubling you.” He gave them both a little bow and walked away.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Now then, as I was saying. Rarity, I’m so proud of you. We both got caught up in our principles, and we forgot the most important thing – our friendship! This could have torn us apart, but when the cards were down and you saw that neither of us would back down, you recognized that our relationship, the love we feel for each other as friends, is more valuable than some silly book. I… I don’t know if I could have done that in your position.”
“Twilight?” Rarity had turned her tear-streaked face away.
“Yes?”
“Why is the library door blinking?”
Huh? Twilight followed Rarity’s gaze to the door. Above it and on either side, the large red anti-theft crystals were flashing for attention.
“Oh.” Twilight wiped her nose with the back of her hoof. “It means somepony walked out with a book they weren’t supposed to.”
“Ah.”
They were silent again for a while.
“Rarity?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Do you think that zebra—”
“Yes, Twilight. Yes I do.”
“Oh.” Twilight sighed. “I’ll go get the girls. Can you bail Rainbow Dash out of jail? I think we’ll need her too.”
The first two conditions faded after a few seconds. Sound returned first, in the form of a constant high ring, like somepony had set off a symphony of bells inside her head. In time the clamor faded, replaced by a chorus of groans, coughs, and mumbled complaints from the ponies around her.
So she wasn’t alone, at least. That was good. The gateway spell must have grabbed them all.
“Is everypony alright?” she asked. Her voice sounded distant and cottony, words overheard from the next room. Her vision reappeared – dancing purple blots, their margins alive with frantic sparkles, replaced the complete darkness. Vague shapes appeared that moved slowly around her.
“I… think so,” Applejack said. A few feet away, an orange blob sat up, topped with a sad cowpony hat. “What is this stuff?”
“It’s ectoplasm. It’s omnipresent throughout interdimensional tunnels.” Twilight lifted a foreleg, and slimy strands of goop ran down her limb to the floor. It covered them all, viscous as snot and glowing a faint green and smelling of ammonia. Her wings flicked open, tossing a shower of mucus out onto the walls.
Walls? She stopped to inspect their surroundings, which seemed to be dark, solid crystal, as was the floor beneath her. Further away, bookshelves stuffed with old tomes and cardboard boxes lined the room. Some of them had her cutie mark drawn on the side.
They’d landed in her basement. For the first time in hours, Twilight Sparkle allowed herself to smile.
“It’s not going to hurt us, will it?” Rarity asked. She scraped the slime off her chest, revealing a swath of white coat.
“It’s harmless. Ectoplasm is only metastable in real universes. It should evaporate any second now.” Twilight spat out a dribble that ran down her muzzle into her lips. “Any second now, please.”
“So, did we get it?” Rainbow Dash asked. She stood and shook, spraying them all, then trotted over to help Fluttershy stand. “I kinda lost track of things after the explosions started.”
Twilight’s smile expanded into a grin. Her horn glowed, and the heavy book weighing down her saddlebags floated out before them. The ectoplasm bubbled and fizzed where it touched the book’s cover, vanishing in thin tendrils of white unsmoke.
“We did it, girls!” She hugged the volume to her chest. It was warm and seemed to hum in time with her heartbeat. “Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex! The only copy known to have survived Luna’s Rebellion!” She rubbed her cheek against the cover. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”
“Well, better in our hooves than that evil cult’s, I suppose.” Rarity sniffed at the ectoplasm that still clung to her and made a little face. “What are you going to do with it now? Burn it?”
“Maybe bury it,” Applejack said.
“Toss it in the ocean!” Rainbow Dash said. “During a hurricane!”
“Um, lock it someplace safe?” Fluttershy said.
“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie slid on her belly into their huddle, sending a wave of ectoplasm across the floor. “Chop it up into confetti!”
“No, girls. None of those,” Twilight said. “There’s only one thing to do with a book like this…”
Twilight Sparkle was reading on her favorite cushion when Rarity arrived.
A week had passed since their extra-dimensional escape. It was late afternoon, and the sunlight pouring through the huge crystal windows spanning her castle library cast warm pools on the floor that moved in time with the sun. Every quarter of an hour she stopped, shifted her cushion back into the center of the sunlight, and resumed reading.
“Knock knock!” Rarity called from the library’s door. “Twilight, do you have a moment?”
“Of course, Rarity.” Twilight marked her place with a bookmark and trotted over to her friend for a quick nuzzle. “What do you need?”
“Just looking for a songbook for Sweetie. Maybe some showtunes? She’s thinking of joining the school’s theater group next year.”
“Hm.” Twilight led her over to the library’s Arts section. “All of our music-related books are here. If you see one you like, just take it over to the check-out counter.”
“Thank you, darling.” Rarity started perusing the titles, and Twilight returned to her sun-soaked reading spot.
A few cushion-shifts later, Rarity’s voice interrupted Twilight’s reading again. She looked up to see Rarity standing in the reference section with a few slender books floating in the air behind her. But her attention was on reference shelf, and she was frowning.
“I’m sorry?” Twilight said.
“I said, what is this doing here?”
Hm. Twilight closed her book again and trotted over to join her friend, who had backed a few steps away. A quick scan of the shelf revealed why.
“Oh! That’s Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex. Remember, we went on that quest last week to retrieve it from—”
“Yes, I recall.” Rarity snorted quietly, her nostrils flaring in that dainty way Twilight could never replicate no matter how many hours she spent in front of the mirror trying. “I mean, why is it here.”
“Uh.” Twilight looked around. “In the library?”
“Yes.”
“It’s…” Twilight paused. Trick question? No, Rarity wasn’t like that. “It’s a book.”
“It’s dangerous. You said it was dangerous! You said it was filled with dark magic and we had to get it away from those zebras before they used it to, and I quote, ‘Unleash the End Times, raising a wave of hungry shadows that would sweep o’er the lands, leaving naught but ghosts and entropy in its wake’! You said that!”
Twilight nodded. “And now it’s safe. Thank you again for helping with that, by the way. I know the ectoplasm took hours to get out of everything.”
“Safe? Twilight, it’s in your library. Anypony could just come in and take it!”
“Oh. Oh!” Twilight started to laugh, only stopping when she realized Rarity was serious. “Oh. You’re serious. Relax, Rarity. It’s in the Reference section. You can’t check reference books out.”
Rarity stared at her.
Finally, “Twilight, dear, you know I love you, so please don’t take any of what I’m about to say as criticism. But don’t you think that’s a little… foolhardy? Anypony could walk in and read that book.”
“It’s a library, Rarity. That’s what it’s for.”
Rarity exhaled in a hiss. “Libraries are for literature, Twilight. Foal’s books, cookbooks, songbooks! They’re not for dark magic! Believe me, I’ve made enough mistakes with dark magic books. They’re not supposed to just be lying around in libraries!”
“Uh huh.” Twilight sat back on her haunches. “And where did you find the Inspiration Manifestation spellbook?”
“Well, Spike brought it to me.”
“And where did he find it?”
“In the old castle in the Everfree.”
“What part of the old castle?”
Rarity paused. “In the, ah… well, in the library. But it was in a hidden section!”
“Yes.” Twilight allowed herself a smile. This was where she won. “And I firmly admonished Spike for removing it without permission. Reference books cannot be checked out of the library.”
Rarity stomped a hoof. “You’re serious. You’re serious! You honestly intend to let anypony walk into this library, pull out this book—” here she did, floating the Codex out of the shelf and opening it before her to flip through the pages, “—and read it whenever they want?”
“As long as they don’t check it out, yes. That’s how libraries work.”
“And what if somepony just decides to walk out with it anyway?”
“I put a tracking gem in the spine. It will set off an alarm.” Wait, that was a secret! Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. “I mean, uh… don’t tell anypony that, though.”
Rarity flipped to another page and narrowed her eyes as she scanned the book. “I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit, darling. I still say you should destroy this filthy thing.” She snapped the book closed, raising a cloud of dust from the ancient pages, and slid it back onto the shelf.
Twilight winced at the rough treatment. “I appreciate that concern, Rarity, but I don’t believe in destroying books, or hiding them. The citizens of Ponyville are responsible, upstanding ponies, and I trust their wisdom and discretion. That book is quite safe where it is.”
“And then she refused to discuss it any more! She just gave me that little smug look she has – you know the one, darling, where she tilts her head back and looks down her muzzle at you while she’s smiling, like you’re some little foal who can’t work out a basic arithmetic problem without her assistance – and asked me if there were any other books I wanted. Ugh, you know I love her, of course, but she can just be so infuriating sometimes! Like she’s the smartest pony in the room and of course she could never be wrong about anything! Library this, library that, books books books. And not a single thought to how dangerous that book could be to anypony who happens to pick it up!”
“Oh, um.” Fluttershy sat silently through Rarity’s latest discourse, her tiny teacup held before her like a shield. “Well, Twilight is very smart.”
“Yes! She is the smartest stupid mare I’ve ever met!” Rarity slammed her teacup down on the table with enough force to rattle the silverware. Other patrons at the Haymarket Cafe turned to glance at them before retreating from Rarity’s scowl.
“She’s not stupid, Rarity.” Fluttershy frowned down at her teacup. “She’s just… eccentric about some things. You know how she feels about her library.”
Rarity waited before responding, long enough for the tension to seep from her tight muscles. “You’re right, of course. Please, don’t ever tell her I said that. I just wish she were more reasonable sometimes.”
“Well, maybe she’s right?”
“Maybe? Maybe? Et tu, Fluttershy?” Rarity sighed. “I’ve made that mistake, Fluttershy. I know how easy it is to let a book of dark magic seduce you. It doesn’t feel wrong – on the contrary, it feels like the most right thing ever! You feel stupid for not doing it sooner! And then, before you know it, you’re transforming half the town into a colossal mess. All because you opened that silly book and weren’t strong enough to resist.”
Fluttershy stared at her tea. She seemed to hunch down even further than normal, and her eyes darted left and right. She whispered something under her breath, so quiet Rarity wouldn’t have even known she’d spoken if she hadn’t seen her lips move.
Rarity frowned. “I’m sorry, darling?”
“I said, I’ve already ready it.” She trailed off in a high mouse-like squeak.
Rarity gawked at her. “Wha.. Fluttershy! Why? Don’t you know how dangerous that is!?”
“Oh, it’s not, really. It’s just a book. I was in the library helping Twilight with the castle’s aardvark infestation, and we were waiting for the traps to cool down, and I saw it on the shelf. After all we went through last week, I was curious why the zebras were so excited about it, so I read a few pages.” Fluttershy set her tea down and rubbed the sides of her hooves together as she spoke. “It even had some ideas about how to care for special animals, but nothing evil.”
“Ugh.” Rarity rested her head on her crossed forelegs. “That’s how it starts, darling. It seems harmless. Promise me you won’t do anything that horrible book suggests?”
“Oh, um.” Fluttershy looked away again. “If it will make you feel better. I promise. It didn't even have spells, really. Just... ideas. Interesting ideas.”
Rarity gave Fluttershy a long, hard stare, enough to set the pegasus squirming. But finally she sighed. At some point friends had to trust each other, after all.
“Very good. Now, let’s talk about something more pleasant, shall we?”
“Helloooo, anypony here? Twilight?” Rainbow Dash’s voice echoed through the library. “Where are you?”
“One moment!” Twilight shouted back. She made a final note on her essay exploring the properties of unusually long-lasting ectoplasm and trotted out of her study into the library’s main room, where Rainbow Dash stood. “Hey Dash. What brings you here?”
“Eh, was wondering if you had any books on weather.”
“We have a whole bookshelf on weather!” Twilight trotted over to the natural sciences section. “Anything in particular?”
“Sorta. The weather team’s annual fair is next week and I’m in charge of the demonstration. We need something cooler than last year. Something more… hm, awesome, yeah. Awesome.”
Twilight frowned. “What about the tornado you did last year? That got everypony very excited.”
“Mayor Mare said we’re not allowed to do tornadoes anymore.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Something about liability. So I need some new ideas.”
“Well, how about Cold Front’s Philology of Extreme Weather Phenomena?” Twilight slid the fourth edition volume from the shelf. “Mind you, it’s mostly about how to pronounce the storms, but he goes into quite a bit of detail about creating them as well.”
“Hm. Maybe.” Dash flipped through a few pages, scanning them with a haphazard eye. “Mind if I look at the rest of these?”
“Of course not, Dash. It’s a library. Just let me know when you find one that looks useful.”
Somewhat to Twilight’s surprise, Rainbow Dash actually stuck around, browsing through several books while Twilight returned to her essay. Nearly an hour passed before Rainbow’s voice sounded again.
“Hey, Twilight! Twilight! What’s this?”
“What’s what?” Twilight followed Rainbow’s voice to the reference section. “Oh, that’s Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex. Remember, we went on that quest last week to—”
“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow had the Codex out on her lap, and she turned the page slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me it had stuff about weather?”
“It has something about everything! No matter who reads it, Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex will provide dark and forbidden knowledge on the topic most relevant to that pony. Those zebras we stole it from were most interested in resurrecting Cthubl’lekth the Eyeless, so the Codex provided them with spells and techniques they could use to—”
“Yeah, okay, got it.” Rainbow flipped another page. “So you’re saying, like, if Applejack read this, it would be filled with spells and stuff about apples?”
Twilight frowned. “Applejack is a complex pony with a wide range of interests and characteristics, Rainbow. Not only is Honesty her Element and primary value, but she is also a loving, hardworking and determined mare. You can’t just condense her entire being down to ‘apples’.”
“But it would probably be apples, right?”
“Well… I mean, probably. Statistically. But there’s still a lot more to her than just apples.”
“Uh huh.” Rainbow hefted the book in her hooves. “Can I take this with me?”
“No, it’s a reference book. You can’t check out reference books.”
“Oh. Can I write some of it down, then?”
“Sure! Let me get you some paper.”
Rarity had almost completely forgotten the trouble with the codex and the ectoplasm and the dark magic lurking in plain sight in Twilight’s library when Fluttershy came to visit.
She was at work on her sewing machine, stitching cloth panels together for an airy summer dress. It was apprentice’s work, though she had no apprentices. Easy, calming. She could do it with her eyes shut.
The silver bell above her door jangled, and a moment later she heard Fluttershy’s voice from the lobby. “It’s just me, Rarity. I was wondering if you had any spare cloth I could give to my animal friends for their bedding.”
“Of course, darling.” This was not an uncommon request. She knew Fluttershy received a small stipend from the town to cover her animal-care expenses, but it wasn’t nearly enough to pay for everything her menagerie needed. So, like most of the town’s business owners, Rarity made small in-kind donations when she could. Celestia knew she went through enough fabric. “Any particular kind? I have cotton and a little bit of linen.”
There was a quiet thump from the lobby as Fluttershy opened the fabric trunk. “Do you have any asbestos?”
“Third shelf from the bottom. Make sure you wear a mask when handling it.” Rarity finished a long seam and smiled at her work.
Wait. She turned off the sewing machine and walked out into the lobby.
“I’m sorry, darling. Did you say asbestos?”
Fluttershy nodded. She had a white paper surgical mask on her muzzle and a bolt of fine bluish-white cloth in her hooves. “Oh, yes. It’s nice and soft and it won’t catch fire.”
“Yes, but why do you need asbestos? You know how dangerous it can be. You didn’t find another phoenix, did you?”
“Oh no, I learned my lesson with Philomena,” Fluttershy said. “But there are so many fire-breathing creatures in the Everfree, I figured I should be prepared to help any of them.”
“Hm, well. I don’t like the idea of you doing anything dangerous, darling.” Not to mention asbestos was much more expensive than cotton, but Rarity shoved that thought to the back of her mind where it belonged. “Do be careful with it, will you? And with whatever animals you need it for.”
“Oh, you know me, Rarity. I’m always careful!” Fluttershy’s mask dimpled, as though she were smiling behind it, and she trotted out the boutique with the asbestos balanced between her wings.
So, that was interesting. A little frown marred Rarity’s face, but after a moment she shrugged and returned to her workroom.
Fluttershy knew more about caring for animals than anypony, after all. If she said she needed asbestos, it was for a good reason.
“This is fascinating. Spike, did you know that ectoplasm can sometimes persist for weeks if it’s subjected to a high-potential magical field during translocation to real universes?”
“Uh huh. I think I read that somewhere,” Spike said. He stood on a stool next to the kitchen counter, leaning over a mixing bowl and occasionally adding handfuls of crushed rubies to the dough churning within.
“I’m surprised more unicorns aren’t already aware of that,” Twilight continued. She made a little note in the margin of the book she was reading. “It would make dimensional travel a lot less messy if we could somehow mitigate the effect.”
“Do you really think other unicorns do a lot of dimensional travel?”
“Well.” Twilight paused for a moment. “Not in this universe. But maybe unicorns in other universes do?”
“Maybe unicorns in other universes like ectoplasm. Then they wouldn’t want to make it less messy.”
Twilight frowned. “Now you’re just being pedantic.”
“No, I’m ridiculing your appeal to an untestable hypothesis by proposing another, even sillier hypothesis.” Spike removed the mixing bowl from the mixer and carried it over to the refrigerator to let the dough ferment.
Twilight’s frown flipped over into a small smile, and walked up behind him and nuzzled the top of his head. “I taught you well, Spike.”
“Aw, thanks.” He ducked and blushed, but then wrapped his little arms around her chest in a hug. “I had a good teacher. So, when is Applejack coming over?”
“As soon as she and Big Macintosh finish up in the market. I would imagine—” the distant creak of the castle’s front door, followed by the ring of horseshoes on crystal interrupted her. “Actually, I bet that’s her now. Could you bring the tea into the library when it’s done?”
“Sure, sis.”
Applejack was browsing the genealogy shelves when Twilight reached the library. She still had her saddlebags on, and a faint sheen of sweat from the day’s work glistened in her coat. She waved as Twilight approached.
“Howdy, princess. Saw you had some traps out. Aardvarks again?”
Twilight nodded. “They just keep coming back. Fluttershy thinks it’s the crystal. Anyway, how was your day?”
“Good, good. Sold apples, made money. The usual. You?”
“Oh, listening to complaints, adjudicating minor disputes, ectoplasm research. Princess stuff.”
“Better you’n me.” Applejack sat on one of the cushions Twilight had set out for her guests. “Anyway, you’re prolly wondering why I’m here. I ran into Rarity the other day, and she had some concerns.”
“Oh.” Twilight sighed. “Let me guess. About a book?”
“Yup. One book in particular. That codex-thing we stole from the zebra cult.”
“I prefer the term ‘recovered,’ but I know which book you mean.” Twilight concentrated, and Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex floated off the shelf over to land between them. “Did she say why she was upset?”
“She spent a lot of time talkin’ about that very topic, actually. I’m guessing you’re familiar with her points so I won’t rehash them here.” Applejack nudged the book with her hoof. “So, are they true?”
“Well, she was probably correct on the facts of the matter,” Twilight said. “Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex does contain what most ponies would consider dark magic, and yes, I do have it available for study in the library’s reference section. I suppose we just disagree on how appropriate that is. Given Rarity’s history with dark magic books, I can see why she is apprehensive about them.”
“Uh huh.” Applejack delicately flipped the cover up and squinted at the first page. When it didn’t bite, she flipped through the index and the first chapter. “Lotta stuff about apples in here. Anyway, I guess Fluttershy was reading through this thing too?”
“Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, actually. And you’ll note that neither of them have been subverted by dark magic and begun twisting Ponyville into horrid mockeries of their ideal world-states.”
“Does that happen often?”
“Eh.” Twilight waggled a hoof back and forth. “Sometimes.”
Applejack slowly closed the book.
“So,” she said. “I guess my concern is that just about anypony could come in here and walk away with this thing.”
“Actually, it’s in the reference section, so it can’t be—”
“Yeah, yeah. It can’t be checked out. Rarity said that.” Applejack slid the book a few inches closer to Twilight. “But what’s to stop somepony from just stealing it?”
Twilight smiled. “Oh, Applejack. I didn’t become a librarian yesterday. We have ways to make sure nopony steals our books.”
“Fluttershy, darling, you know I don’t like to pry.”
“Oh, um, of course, Rarity.”
“And I would never intrude upon my friends’ personal lives without due consideration to their privacy.”
“Well, Rarity, sometimes you—”
“What I’m saying is, I’m concerned. You’ve been acting a little odd, lately.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, yes. It’s little things, of course. I doubt most other ponies would have noticed, but they aren’t as close friends as we are, hm? Also I like to think I’m the perceptive sort. It’s the details that matter in fashion and design, you know. Where a button fits, the look of a certain stitch, or whether two shades match in the sunlight compared with the shade. For example, I was working with a lovely bit of periwinkle fabric the other day, and it was just dreadfully difficult to pair with a beautiful sapphire ribbon I’d been saving for months. Oh, it looked fine in my shop, but whenever I took the ensemble outside the colors just clashed hideously, and I ended up having to replace the sapphire with a more subdued emerald. It didn’t have quite the same look, the same sense of unity, but in the end it worked well enough. Fortunately, I had enough of the… Oh, I’m sorry, listen to me. We’re supposed to be talking about you.”
“We are?”
“We are. Now, like I said, the others may not have noticed yet, but don’t think I haven’t! You’re spending much more time than usual in your cottage. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a little homebound, but this is downright reclusive of you. I know you were reading that horrid book Twilight is keeping in her library, and the other day you asked me for all that asbestos. And, well...”
“Yes?”
“Well, ah. How to say this. You seem to have a few burns.”
More than a few, actually. Fluttershy didn’t seem to be injured, per se, but the left side of her mane was nearly gone, along with the coat covering her forelegs up to her knees. Little black speckles and streaks of soot painted her skin grey. Even from feet away, even over the thick steam and incense wafting up from the Lotus Luxury Spa’s hot tub they were both lounging in, Rarity could smell the ash.
“Oh, those.” Fluttershy smiled. “It’s very nice of you to be so concerned, Rarity, but I’m just fine.”
“Fine? Just fine, all scorched like that?”
“It’s just hair, Rarity. Yes, just hair, don’t look so shocked. It will grow back. But if I don’t help all of the poor animals that get hurt in the Everfree, they might die! You don’t want the poor animals to die, do you, Rarity?”
“Well, no, of course not.” Rarity said. She leaned back against the tub wall to give Fluttershy some space. “But darling, certainly you can be more careful than this?”
“I am very careful, Rarity. That’s what the asbestos was for. If it weren’t for that cloth, Smokey would have probably burned my cottage down. Then he would be homeless.”
“Smokey? Fluttershy, what sort of animal are you tending to? It’s not a dragon, is it?”
“Oh, no. Smokey is just a little salamander.”
Rarity frowned and considered that for a long moment. “When you say salamander, do you mean the small amphibian, or the large, poisonous, fire-dwelling monster?”
“Oh, Smokey’s not a monster. He’s very nice.” She paused and swatted a the water. “But the rest is true.”
Rarity sighed. “Fluttershy, why?”
“Because if I don’t, who will?” Fluttershy sat up straighter. “There are many veterinarians in Equestria, Rarity, and plenty of ponies who can look after regular wild animals. But who can help take care of manticores or chimeras or cockatrices or salamanders when they get hurt? Nopony can, unless I learn to help them. The book said that salamanders are very calm if—”
“Wait, book?” Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “You mean the Codex, don’t you? Is that what got you on about taking care of monsters?”
“They’re not monsters,” Fluttershy said again. “No more than ponies are monsters, just because we have magic. And hurt salamanders need help just as much as hurt beavers or bears.”
Rarity shook her head. “I can’t say I agree with what you’re doing, Fluttershy. It seems very dangerous, and that book... Ugh, you can't trust anything you read in it. Promise me that you’ll at least ask us for help if you need?”
“Of course, Rarity.” Fluttershy reached out a hoof to rest on Rarity’s shoulder. “I’m not that silly or stubborn. If I ever need help, you’ll be the first to know.”
Rarity was not, in fact, the first pony to know that Fluttershy needed help with her salamander. The fire department was.
Twilight Sparkle was the second. She was emptying the aardvark traps behind her castle when Fluttershy arrived.
“Oh, hello Fluttershy!” she said. She put the empty traps in a barrel of water to cool, then trotted over to give her friend a nuzzle. “How are you? Also, why do you smell like smoke?”
“Oh, um, about that.” Fluttershy coughed, raising a puff of sooty dust from her coat. “Do you mind if we talk inside? I need some advice.”
Advice! Ponies were coming to her for advice! She was a real grown-up! Twilight swelled with joy, and she allowed herself to float on the euphoric feeling for a moment before tamping it back down into her chest. Fluttershy needed her – she could relive this moment later.
“Of course. Come on it. I’ll get you some tea. Spike! Spiiiiike! Make some tea!”
“Oh, thank you. I am a bit thirsty.” Fluttershy followed as Twilight led them into the library. Rather than sit on the offered cushion, she opted for the floor. “Less likely to stain,” she explained.
“Very thoughtful of you,” Twilight said. She poured them both iced tea from the pitched Spike brought into the library. “Now, how can I help you?”
“Um, you remember the Codex? You said it provided magic and techniques on whatever topic was of interest to a particular pony?”
“Yes. Well, dark magic and techniques, but yes.”
“So, if a pony was desperately interested in how to find a runaway salamander, the codex might have information for them?”
Twilight tilted her head. “That’s awfully specific, but it doesn’t hurt to try.” Her horn glowed, and the Codex floated out of the reference section over to them. She opened it and set it before Fluttershy. “Anything?”
Fluttershy scanned the pages for a moment, then shook her head. “It just says to call the fire department. The dark fire department. I already did that.”
“We have a dark fire department?”
“No, just a regular one. But they’re probably the same.” She sighed again.
“Okay.” Twilight took the book back and closed it gently. “Why don’t you tell me what the problem is? Is it about Smokey?”
“It is.” Fluttershy sniffed and looked away. “He burned through his asbestos nest and escaped this morning.”
“Well, he should be pretty easy to find. Can’t you just follow the trail of ashes and smoke?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “There’s too many. He wandered into the Fireworks and Propane store.”
“Oh, oooh.” Twilight extended a wing to rest across Fluttershy’s back. “It’s okay. I’m sure he’ll turn up somewhere. Eventually.”
Fluttershy sniffed again, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “But what if he doesn’t? What if he got caught on one of those fireworks and launched halfway across the Everfree? I think Rarity might have been right all along.”
“Rarity?” Twilight frowned. “What did Rarity tell you?”
“She said the Codex was was evil and would lead us to ruin if we read it.”
Twilight sighed. “Fluttershy, listen to me. Rarity means well, but you know she has a history with dark magic books. I think she’s a little biased in her perspective. You can’t blame a book just because something went wrong. Nopony could have predicted Smokey would escape.”
“But maybe it was a bad idea to try keeping a live salamander in a town filled with pony homes and businesses?”
“Well.” Twilight paused. “That might be a good idea in general. But you can’t blame the book for that. Sometimes common sense is important! For example, Rainbow Dash used the Codex to plan tomorrow’s weather team fair, and I just know she used common sense and discretion. The Codex is only a guide. How we use it is up to us!”
Rarity was browsing the Ponyville weather team’s Flood Awareness Booth when Twilight Sparkle found her.
“Hello, Rarity,” Twilight said. “Do you have a moment?”
“Of course, darling.” Rarity put back the pamphlet on desert arroyos and gave the pegasus colt behind the counter a smile. “Are you enjoying the fair so far?”
“I am. Elephant ear?” Twilight floated a disk of fried dough the size of a dinner plate, topped with honey and cinnamon apples and powdered sugar, over to Rarity. A second, half-eaten one floated beside Twilight’s head.
“Hm.” Normally Rarity disdained carnival food, but the Ponyville Weather Fair only happened once a year. She grasped the floating treat in her own magic and took a dainty bite. “Mm, thank you. Don’t be offended if I can’t finish it, though.”
“I know. They’re pretty big.” Twilight grazed on her elephant ear for a bit as the two wandered through the fair, passing booths on various weather phenomena, each staffed by an earnest pegasus and their foals. “Anyway, have you spoken with Fluttershy lately?”
“Not since yesterday. I heard what happened, by the way. With her salamander.”
“Yes. It’s fortunate nopony was injured. But that’s why I wanted to talk with you. Apparently you spoke with Fluttershy about the Codex?”
“In a sense.” Rarity took a particularly large bite of her elephant ear, ending up with a smear of cinnamon apple on her muzzle. She lapped at it with her tongue and eventually managed to get most of it. “I asked her if she was alright, given how she’s looked the past few days. Apparently that Codex gave her the idea for the salamander, Twilight. Does that strike you as safe?”
“Fluttershy is a grown pony, Rarity. She can make her own decisions. Just because she got an idea from the Codex doesn’t mean the Codex somehow forced her to find a salamander and try to care for it.”
“Hm. Darling, please don’t take my demeanor for being smug. I am terribly sad about what happened to Fluttershy’s cottage and Fireworks and Propane. But I do take a certain satisfaction in being correct, and right now I feel very correct. I think you should get rid of that book before anypony else makes the mistake of reading it.”
Twilight smiled. “I’ll have you know, Fluttershy was not the only pony to read the Codex. In fact, there’s a pony here today who read it for inspiration, and we’re about to see her work.”
Rarity froze. She mentally rewound through the day, trying to imagine all the ponies who had boasted to her of some feat or other. In the end, of course, only one stood out. “Rainbow Dash?”
“Yep! She read the Codex for inspiration for this year’s demonstration.”
“Oh.” Rarity took another bite and chewed in thoughtful silence. “I thought she was doing another tornado?”
Twilight took her time before answering. She led them to the large viewing stands set up for the demonstration and found a comfy spot away from the bustling crowd. “Apparently Mayor Mare won’t let her. But Rarity, you’re missing the point! Rainbow Dash actually conducted research, and the Codex helped her! How could you be upset with that?”
“Aren’t you worried about what it taught her?” Rarity looked over her shoulder, then up at the skies. They were blue and cloudless as far as she could see. “She could have anything planned.”
Twilight shrugged. “She said it was a surprise. And, let’s be honest, it can’t be much worse than that tornado.”
“Your optimism is boundless.” Rarity finished off the last of her elephant ear, leaving nothing but a faint dusting of powdered sugar on her hooves. After a quick glance around to make sure nopony else but Twilight was watching, she wiped them on her coat. “I’ve given the matter some thought, Twilight, and I think I know why we disagree on this matter so much.”
“Oh?”
“Yes. You have a fundamentally sunny view of pony nature. You’re comfortable with giving everypony who wants access to that Codex, because you believe, in the end, ponies will make the right choices.”
“I accept, for the purpose of this argument, that you are correct.”
“Very good. I, on the other hoof, have a somewhat dimmer view of pony nature, I suppose. I think it is dangerous to put that Codex in a public library where anypony who wants can come up and discover some dangerous technique or spell. Most ponies – indeed, the majority – may make the right decisions, but what about the ponies who don’t? Doesn’t the danger posed by those ponies outweigh the intangible benefit of making that knowledge open to all?”
“I can’t agree with your characterization of free knowledge as an ‘intangible benefit,’ Rarity. I believe that making as much knowledge available to as many ponies as possible is one of the hallmarks of an open society, and as a librarian I have a responsibility to uphold that value. Ponies make mistakes, yes – that is what ponies do. But ponies learn from mistakes, too. Fluttershy may have had a bad experience caring for that salamander, but she is also a better, wiser pony for having done so.”
“Hm.” Rarity was quiet for a moment as she pondered her next move. Around them, ponies had started settling into the viewing stands in preparation for Rainbow Dash’s weather demonstration. An eager buzz built in the crowd. “But what of the potential costs, Twilight? I suppose wanting to care for injured animals is harmless, but think about all the other terrible things that book could lead to?”
“I believe we would be fine,” Twilight said. “Whatever evils ponies make, ponies of good heart can unmake.”
“Mhm.” Rarity turned toward the horizon, where a dark cloud billowed just above the trees. “Oh, it seems that Rainbow’s demonstration is about to start.”
The cloud grew, but there was something odd about it. Even from miles distant, Rarity could tell it was too small to be a real cloud. It roiled over the trees, expanding and contracting like a thing alive. A low, harsh hum filled Rarity’s ears and vibrated in her bones.
Twilight tilted her head. “Dust storm, maybe?”
“Where would she get the dust? No, I think it must be some kind of dirty snow.”
“I suppose we’ll find out in a second. Look, there she is!” Twilight pointed a hoof just as Rainbow Dash rocketed overhead. Behind her, the dark, shifting cloud drew ever closer. The ominous hum turned into a buzzsaw that set Rarity’s coat on end.
A large grasshopper, half the size of Rarity’s hoof, landed on the bench beside them. It stumbled, rolled onto its side, and righted itself with a flash of membranous wings. It sat between them for a moment, its abdomen pulsing as it breathed, and then it leapt back into the air.
Two more grasshoppers replaced it. Then a third.
A fourth landed on Rarity’s knee. She gave it a little frown.
“Oh. Oooh.” Twilight glanced from the grasshoppers back to the huge, dark cloud beginning to break over the town. Several more of the insects had landed in her mane. “Locusts. That’s not really weather.”
“No, it isn’t,” Rarity said. She had to raise her voice to be heard over the endless rattle of billions of wings, not to mention the screaming ponies fleeing through the streets. “But this gets back to my point, Twilight. That book is dangerous.”
“The book isn’t dan-phflrk! Ptew!” Twilight spat out a grasshopper and started over. She had to lean closer – the buzzing wings were so loud now that they began to take on an almost musical tone, a constant E♭ in the timbre of a falling tree. “Ugh. The book isn’t dangerous, Rarity! Ponies just sometimes make poor choices!”
“What would it take to convince you otherwise?” Rarity held a hoof over her mouth to keep the locusts out. They were the only ponies left in the stands, now. Or, at least, so it seemed – Rarity couldn’t see more than a few feet in any direction through the flashing wings.
“It’s a matter of principle, Rarity! You can’t negotiate your principles!”
Rarity sighed. She would have liked to keep arguing, but it was getting too loud to hear Twilight, even from a few feet away. Instead she stood and fumbled her way, half-blind, through the dark blizzard to her boutique.
It was time to make some plans.
Twilight Sparkle was sweeping dead locusts out of the castle foyer when Rarity arrived.
She had a large push broom borrowed from the Ponyville Parks and Recreation service. It swept the locust husks into huge piles, and she used her magic to gather them and dump them in the street, where special wagons made twice-daily visits to collect the chitinous mass and deliver it to the town’s new locust incinerator. A pall of greasy smoke blew west from the town into the distance.
On the plus side, Twilight hadn’t seen any aardvarks in days.
“Hello, Twilight,” Rarity said as she walked in. “Sorry, here you are cleaning and I’m tracking new locusts all over the place.”
“It’s fine, just wipe your hooves on the mat.” Twilight shook the broom out and leaned it against the entryway, then walked over to give her friend a nuzzle. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you since the swarm.”
“Oh, busy, like all of us.” Rarity returned the nuzzle with a smile. “But the Boutique is almost cleared out, now. Just a few rooms to go.”
“Good, good. So, what brings you by?”
“Must I have a reason, darling? Can’t I simply visit a friend?” Rarity gave her a tiny pout, then sighed. “Ah, but you’re correct. Can we go to the library?”
Twilight led the way. The closer they got, the fewer locust corpses they had to step over, until by the time they reached the library the room appeared to be completely free of the insects.
“Are you familiar with the idea, ‘Heighten the Contradictions’?” Rarity asked. She set her saddlebags on one of the library’s tables, then wandered into the reference section. As expected, she returned with Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex floating before her, and she set it open on the table between them.
“Hm, I believe so.” Twilight closed her eyes and composed her next words before speaking. “Generally, it means to make a situation increasingly intolerable by taking actions that you disagree with, but comport with your opponent’s position, in order to show how ultimately damaging their position is.”
“Yes. And we’ve agreed that I, personally, am not in favor of studying dark magic.” Rarity pulled out a sheet of drafting paper and began sketching. Her eyes darted back and forth between her paper and the Codex. “But as you can see, here I am, studying it now.”
“Ah.” Twilight smiled. “I see. You intend to use the Codex’s techniques to create something so appalling, so awful, that I will have no choice but to accept your argument that it is dangerous to leave the Codex in the library’s public collection.”
“You perceive correctly,” Rarity said. She made a sharp, dark line on the paper, and winced as she did. She closed her eyes, took a long breath, and resumed her drawing.
“Even though you, of course, believe it is wrong to use the Codex in this way. This must be very painful for you.”
Rarity shivered again. Her pencil jittered across the paper, and the tip snapped off with a squeal. She exhaled slowly, several times, and produced a new pencil from her bag.
“More painful than you can imagine, Twilight. Here! I give you the fruits of your incaution! The rotten product of your inflexible principles!” Here she held up her drawing pad and thrust it into Twilight’s face. “Look, Twilight! Behold! Dark fashion!”
Twilight gasped and flinched away, but her eyes were fastened to the page. She could not blink. Rarity’s gruesome designs seized her brain with a horrible fascination, and she felt herself drawn back in.
Black cotton shirts littered with holes.
Fishnet lace leggings.
Horseshoes as thick as a phonebook.
Collars studded with metal spikes.
And all of it black.
“No… No no no…” she mumbled. “Rarity, you can’t create these! This is monstrous! It’s an abomination!”
“This is where your principles lead, Twilight! No, don’t look away!” She forced the papers back into Twilight’s face. “You have to see it, Twilight!”
“I.. no, no! Is that mascara?!”
“Yes! Pounds of it, Twilight! All the black mascara in Ponyville! In all the world! Alienated teenage fillies will love it! And do you know what I will call this line of clothing, Twilight?”
Twilight shook her head. Everything was numb, distant, foggy. But the true horror of the moment began to well up within her chest, and she knew Rarity’s answer before the unicorn spoke.
“I will call it, Twilight Sparkle’s Pride! You’ll be famous for it, Twilight!”
“No! Noo!”
“Yes!” Rarity shouted. Tears streamed down both their faces now. “But it’s not too late, Twilight! Say the words! Destroy the book, burn it, banish it, bury it, I care not how you go about it but rid your library of this accursed thing! And I will burn these designs to ash!”
So, that was it. Rarity’s final ultimatum. Heighten the contradictions, indeed! Twilight closed her eyes and let the future wash over her.
She could see it now. Little fillies and colts, eager for knowledge, visiting her library. But she had no knowledge! For Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex was banished, censored, prohibited. And after the Codex, what other books might go? Could she stop anything from being banned? How would the shelves of her library look, emptied?
Twilight let out a long breath. “I’m sorry, Rarity. I can’t ban a book. Do what you must.”
Rarity stared at her. The blasphemous designs shook in her magical grip. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the rush of blood in her ears and the faint, distant roar of the locust incinerator.
Rarity’s eyes fell. She stared at the floor, her sides heaving. The bundle of papers crumbled in her grip and vanished in a flash of blue flame. Ashes drifted to the crystal tiles.
“I’m sorry, Twilight,” she whispered. “I never meant to threaten you. I… I just wanted you to see how dangerous it could—urk!” She came to a sudden stop as Twilight gripped her in a fierce hug. They stood like that, silent as stones. Finally, Rarity slid to the floor, and they huddled against each other.
Breathe in, breathe out. She could smell the fear, the sweat, the locusts in Rarity's coat, but she didn't care. They held each other tight.
“It’s okay.” Twilight pressed her face against Rarity’s shoulder. “You just wanted to do what’s right. We both did. But, but… I think what really matters here is friendship, Rarity. You did the—”
“Excuse me,” a stallion’s deep voice broke into their conversation. “I see you two are very busy, but would it be okay if I checked this book out?”
Twilight blinked through her tears and looked up. A cowled zebra stood at the table, holding Excelsior’s Ecstatic Codex in his hooves.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Twilight sniffled. “That’s a reference book. You can’t check out reference books.”
“Ah, I understand. I apologize for troubling you.” He gave them both a little bow and walked away.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Now then, as I was saying. Rarity, I’m so proud of you. We both got caught up in our principles, and we forgot the most important thing – our friendship! This could have torn us apart, but when the cards were down and you saw that neither of us would back down, you recognized that our relationship, the love we feel for each other as friends, is more valuable than some silly book. I… I don’t know if I could have done that in your position.”
“Twilight?” Rarity had turned her tear-streaked face away.
“Yes?”
“Why is the library door blinking?”
Huh? Twilight followed Rarity’s gaze to the door. Above it and on either side, the large red anti-theft crystals were flashing for attention.
“Oh.” Twilight wiped her nose with the back of her hoof. “It means somepony walked out with a book they weren’t supposed to.”
“Ah.”
They were silent again for a while.
“Rarity?”
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Do you think that zebra—”
“Yes, Twilight. Yes I do.”
“Oh.” Twilight sighed. “I’ll go get the girls. Can you bail Rainbow Dash out of jail? I think we’ll need her too.”
And to think it all could have been solved from the beggining had Rarity just threatened to show the Codex to Pinkie Pie...
But either way, I always have a soft spot for stories that tackle an episodic format. Even more so for a story that gives a rather nice spin on the common "Twilight finds a book about dark magic" story.
Well done, author. Well done.
But either way, I always have a soft spot for stories that tackle an episodic format. Even more so for a story that gives a rather nice spin on the common "Twilight finds a book about dark magic" story.
Well done, author. Well done.
After the gang manage to retrieve an ancient, eldritch manuscript, Twilight does what any sensible librarian would do: put it safely in the reference section. Because it’s the principle of the thing, you know?
This was, by and large, a strong comedy. The opening scene doesn’t linger too long, and quickly segues into the main narrative; the characters are all portrayed consistently and authentically; and it doesn’t make the mistake of having its central premise its sole source of humour, nor does it try to force jokes where it needn’t do so – and that’s a sizable achievement in a comedy pushing the upper word limit of an SS round.
Most importantly, it was fun. Rarity and Twilight’s conversations had me laughing out loud. Your Spike was touching. The throw-away last line worked. And elephant ears, author? There was a conversation about them on Discord a short while ago…
My only gripe is that some scenes felt almost superfluous. The fifth, with the conversation between Rarity and Fluttershy, could have been removed, and the story would have lost nothing. The same could be said for their next scene. Whilst the story certainly makes use of its word limit, I’d suggest paring it down in future editing passes; repetition of jokes, recurring scenes, only serve to slow the comedy down.
Nonetheless, this story’s current place at the top of my slate was well earned.
Tier: Top Contender
This was, by and large, a strong comedy. The opening scene doesn’t linger too long, and quickly segues into the main narrative; the characters are all portrayed consistently and authentically; and it doesn’t make the mistake of having its central premise its sole source of humour, nor does it try to force jokes where it needn’t do so – and that’s a sizable achievement in a comedy pushing the upper word limit of an SS round.
Most importantly, it was fun. Rarity and Twilight’s conversations had me laughing out loud. Your Spike was touching. The throw-away last line worked. And elephant ears, author? There was a conversation about them on Discord a short while ago…
My only gripe is that some scenes felt almost superfluous. The fifth, with the conversation between Rarity and Fluttershy, could have been removed, and the story would have lost nothing. The same could be said for their next scene. Whilst the story certainly makes use of its word limit, I’d suggest paring it down in future editing passes; repetition of jokes, recurring scenes, only serve to slow the comedy down.
Nonetheless, this story’s current place at the top of my slate was well earned.
Tier: Top Contender
This was most certainly a great deal of fun. I mean, okay, you do require Twilight to gleefully hold the idiot ball in some ways, but ultimately I am fine with that.
After all, it gets Rainbow Dash to unleash a plague of locusts. How is that not a win?
Next, Applejack learns how to turn wood into venomous snakes, in order to have guardians for her Apple Trees against sleeping pegasi.
After all, it gets Rainbow Dash to unleash a plague of locusts. How is that not a win?
Next, Applejack learns how to turn wood into venomous snakes, in order to have guardians for her Apple Trees against sleeping pegasi.
I quite appreciate that Applejack satire. Very nice.
"But the store is called 'Fireworks and Propane'. You only sell two things!"
You know what she could use right about now? Some aardvarks.
Well, I quite enjoyed this. It was funny and clever and amusing to read. It'd be too long of a list for me to point out each individual thing I enjoyed. Just know that I'm impressed by your ability to tell a story and to keep a joke rolling without losing momentum.
A very strong entry, indeed. Thank you for writing.
"But the store is called 'Fireworks and Propane'. You only sell two things!"
Twilight Sparkle was sweeping dead locusts out of the castle foyer when Rarity arrived.
You know what she could use right about now? Some aardvarks.
Well, I quite enjoyed this. It was funny and clever and amusing to read. It'd be too long of a list for me to point out each individual thing I enjoyed. Just know that I'm impressed by your ability to tell a story and to keep a joke rolling without losing momentum.
A very strong entry, indeed. Thank you for writing.
Cold in Gardez was first published on Equestria Daily in 2011 with the story "Maiden Flight" and has since gone on to be a very prolific and popular author on the pony fan fiction site FIMFiction.net. Cold in Gardez is well known for his comedies; he particularly enjoys portraying My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic character Twilight Sparkle in a slew of humorous situations as a result of her inherent social awkwardness and obtuse reasoning, as seen in his break-out hit, "The Naked Singularity." Cold in Gardez's style typically revolves around characters in conventional situations acting in subversion of the reader's expectations for comedic effect, or ramping the absurdity of a set up to the nth degree for maximum ridiculousness.
In late October of 2011, while penning "The Contest", Cold in Gardez allowed a strange man named Cassius and a stray bear into his work document for the story. His life was made mildly worse during this time, but not by much. Gardez later asked for the daring duo to return for a couple stories, just for fun. Some say that Cold in Gardez feels pretty indifferent about it, even to this day.
He also enjoys the word "somewhat."
"My Writeoff stories tend to be highly guessable, based on past experience"
-Cold in Gardez, 2016
Goddammit, some of these setups just make me smile. I'm transitioning between being highly amused to being mildly annoyed with the amount of dialogue I have to wade through in order to get back to my state of amusement. There's a lot of fluff in this story, and I feel that a lot of the scenes could be tightened up by cutting down on the excess dialogue between characters, or at least, make the elements that aren't written to be comedic a bit more than transparently functional pieces for the plot to develop. The primary offender of this are the interludes with Rarity and Fluttershy. I knew where it was going from the onset and was wondering why the writer felt the need to communicate that particular plot point over so many words while nothing really occurs in the scene. It would be one thing if Rarity and Fluttershy had the same sort of humorous back and forth quips that Twilight has literally with everyone else in the story (the comments with Rainbow and Twilight about Applejack and apples just slays me), but the scene is played uncharacteristically straight and slow for some reason, with the funniest bit being the oddity that Fluttershy requests asbestos—something that screams "wacky set-up" to me, but is not followed up on with any real moments of comedy. This is contrasted sharply by the Rainbow Dash scene, which not only sets-up without being unnecessarily bloated, but also pays off in a much more hilarious way.
Quick note on the Rainbow Dash scene: It seems strange to me that during a Biblical-plague scenario that the characters are still casually engaging in dialogue with one another. They should be screaming back and forth to be heard and given a little more room to emote, I think. Play up that reaction a bit more, I feel it is a bit understated in its current situation. Why do you hate speech tags so much, man?
There is a lot of dialogue in this one. This is not necessarily a problem, but a lot of these scenes I think can be helped by giving the ponies a bit more business to do, breaking up the dialogue, and allowing the reader a moment to breath for a moment, which will slow the pacing. In particular, I'm hoping for maybe just a little more description in the aforementioned Rainbow Dash scene. Pretty please?
I would have liked to see Twilight's methods of preventing book theft, as elaborated by the Applejack scene. As such that scene seems unnecessary given that set-up never has a pay-off as far as I'm aware. Uh well, okay, it sort of pays off at the end, but in a more mundane way than I would have hoped, and much less preventative than I would have anticipated by Twilight's smug certainty. This is definitely a missed opportunity in having such a comically unhelpful preventative measure that should be demonstrated in that scene, I think.
The resolution is aces though, along with the penultimate scene of Rarity creating BDSM or something. It feels like a story that was written for that conclusion, and that is high praise. Although I will say that the Twarity ship baiting comes across a bit too strongly, and I think the author is deliberately dicking with me by including it or is just doing it to satisfy his own head-cannon. It's gratuitous and distracting, but if you really want to keep it in, you can do that. As always, there's some phrasing that could be improved on, but generally the piece moves well.
"Et tu, Fluttershy?"
Things to Consider:
-Working some more comedy into the Fluttershy + Rarity scenes or drastically cutting them. As they are, they mostly fluff with not much substance other than to act as a demonstrative of the book, which is already accomplished in a more spectacle and funnier manner by the Rainbow Dash scene.
-Cutting down excess dialogue and giving the narrative more room to breathe. This story is 80% dialogue as it stands, not all of it necessary, and the narrative being underplayed I think is a tragically missed opportunity in some scenes
-Tighten up phrasing (I realize I say this every time, but it's true, even for you)
-Go wild, more wild!
-Pat self on back for being britty grud
-Burn the ships
God I'm gonna look like such an ass if this isn't CiG's. If you're the author and reading this, and you're not CiG, please just pretend you are for the rest of the contest. If you are Gardez and reading this and you aren't the author, pretend to be the author please, for old time's sake.
I'm really, really jealous of your prose. It's so effortless to read, but it's also filled with moments that chisel images into your brain. And there are also some truly brilliant turns of phrases scattered around, too.
Honestly, I find myself at a lack of things to critique. Likely because this was probably written by someone a league or two above me. If I absolutely had to lodge a complaint, I'd mention how the scene with Applejack talking with Twilight felt pretty redundant to me. It mostly just restated Twi's beliefs regarding how to handle sensitive books without really adding any new jokes or plot development. The "Lotta stuff about apples" joke was pretty solid, but I'm not sure if it alone justifies about 800 words of what feels like rehashing the premise of the conflict. It's a minor hit, but it does take some momentum out of the pacing, somewhat.
Still, like I said, I really enjoyed this one. It made me laugh out loud plenty of times, and that alone justifies any minor pacing issues that may or may not be entirely from my own pedantic reading. I'm scoring this one really highly.
Honestly, I find myself at a lack of things to critique. Likely because this was probably written by someone a league or two above me. If I absolutely had to lodge a complaint, I'd mention how the scene with Applejack talking with Twilight felt pretty redundant to me. It mostly just restated Twi's beliefs regarding how to handle sensitive books without really adding any new jokes or plot development. The "Lotta stuff about apples" joke was pretty solid, but I'm not sure if it alone justifies about 800 words of what feels like rehashing the premise of the conflict. It's a minor hit, but it does take some momentum out of the pacing, somewhat.
Still, like I said, I really enjoyed this one. It made me laugh out loud plenty of times, and that alone justifies any minor pacing issues that may or may not be entirely from my own pedantic reading. I'm scoring this one really highly.
“Well.” Twilight paused for a moment. “Not in this universe. But maybe unicorns in other universes do?”
“Maybe unicorns in other universes like ectoplasm. Then they wouldn’t want to make it less messy.”
Twilight frowned. “Now you’re just being pedantic.”
“No, I’m ridiculing your appeal to an untestable hypothesis by proposing another, even sillier hypothesis.” Spike removed the mixing bowl from the mixer and carried it over to the refrigerator to let the dough ferment.
Twilight’s frown flipped over into a small smile, and walked up behind him and nuzzled the top of his head. “I taught you well, Spike.”
“Aw, thanks.” He ducked and blushed, but then wrapped his little arms around her chest in a hug.
. . .
(takes off helmet)
Alright, author, I appreciate that you rescued me from the Shoals of Unfunny Comedy and spotted for me as I dodged through the skies of Flung Brick Jokes. I suppose we can team up to make it through the Writeoff Judging Cave, me with my top-slate vote and you with your story. B-but don't think this makes us friends!
... And how did you ponies get in here?
Tier: Top Contender
>>Everyday
Sweet stars, I missed the aardvark/locust thing. This story just keeps getting better.
This is how to write comedy, y'all — make it work on multiple levels. The aardvark traps were amusing on their own, just on the grounds of being so random as to be whimsical, but then the locust thing happens and suddenly the jaws of the greater punchline snap shut.
How to write comedy, hell, this is a master class in how to write. We see plenty of stories with surface but no depth, and the occasional story with depth but no surface (like mine this round), but write a story this layered yet accessible and you're gonna medal.
Sweet stars, I missed the aardvark/locust thing. This story just keeps getting better.
This is how to write comedy, y'all — make it work on multiple levels. The aardvark traps were amusing on their own, just on the grounds of being so random as to be whimsical, but then the locust thing happens and suddenly the jaws of the greater punchline snap shut.
How to write comedy, hell, this is a master class in how to write. We see plenty of stories with surface but no depth, and the occasional story with depth but no surface (like mine this round), but write a story this layered yet accessible and you're gonna medal.
Twilight smiled. “Oh, Applejack. I didn’t become a librarian yesterday. We have ways to make sure nopony steals our books.”
Ve haf vays to make shure nopony shteals our books...
iced tea from the pitched Spike brought into the library
I guess Spike pitched it all the way froom the kitchen...
Enough with the jokes. This was sweet, inexorable, whimsicle and profound, all in equal measure. Great dialogue. Wonderful characterization. Real emotions.
As the dyslectic pirate said: this here is a CiG, ahrrr!
(Okay, I hadn't yet had enough with the jokes.)
I hate to be the one guy that didn't really like it, but I think this story didn't work for me.
I think it may just be my brain not being able to neatly categorize it; it plays out too straight to really come off as a silly/absurd story, but the characters feel too off to take it as a normal comedy. Several of the characters act extremely out of character here, and the story uses little tricks to avoid confronting that; we never see Rainbow Dash explain what she was thinking, for instance, and when the other ponies acting out of character comes up the conversation always changes on to a tangent rather than actually talk about it. Which would work great if the entire story were absurd, but some of the characters were trying to be serious about it so that kind of verbal sidestepping just felt off to me.
The voicing seemed off to me as well. Has Spike ever called Twilight "Sis" before, or Applejack called her "Princess"? It's just a tiny thing, but that and some other lines didn't feel quite right to me.
In the end, I kind of feel guilty for not liking it; I've certainly loved plenty of absurd stories where the ponies were far more out of character than this one, but I guess the fact that this wasn't a completely absurd story made it feel more jarring.
I think it may just be my brain not being able to neatly categorize it; it plays out too straight to really come off as a silly/absurd story, but the characters feel too off to take it as a normal comedy. Several of the characters act extremely out of character here, and the story uses little tricks to avoid confronting that; we never see Rainbow Dash explain what she was thinking, for instance, and when the other ponies acting out of character comes up the conversation always changes on to a tangent rather than actually talk about it. Which would work great if the entire story were absurd, but some of the characters were trying to be serious about it so that kind of verbal sidestepping just felt off to me.
The voicing seemed off to me as well. Has Spike ever called Twilight "Sis" before, or Applejack called her "Princess"? It's just a tiny thing, but that and some other lines didn't feel quite right to me.
In the end, I kind of feel guilty for not liking it; I've certainly loved plenty of absurd stories where the ponies were far more out of character than this one, but I guess the fact that this wasn't a completely absurd story made it feel more jarring.
>>Bremen
Personally, I didn't have a particularly hard time categorizing this, in between the central premise that being in the reference section would make the book safe, and then the fire-based aardvark traps. It came across to me like one of those absurdist Monty Python documentary-style sketches. I'm definitely not saying you're wrong to have bounced off this one (your reading experience is legitimate, and people fail to connect with stories for all sorts of reasons), but this sort of played-straight absurdity is definitely a thing.
Personally, I didn't have a particularly hard time categorizing this, in between the central premise that being in the reference section would make the book safe, and then the fire-based aardvark traps. It came across to me like one of those absurdist Monty Python documentary-style sketches. I'm definitely not saying you're wrong to have bounced off this one (your reading experience is legitimate, and people fail to connect with stories for all sorts of reasons), but this sort of played-straight absurdity is definitely a thing.
Coming in late:
As this is one of the ones I never got around to, I want to offer one suggestion as a guy who's worked in a public library for 25 years. At the end, have Twilight reveal that she got the idea for keeping the Codex in the open stacks from reading the Codex. It makes the book even more of a character in the story, and, well, no one who's ever worked in a library is going to think that their security system actually stops book theft unless they're under some sort of malign influence... :)
Mike
As this is one of the ones I never got around to, I want to offer one suggestion as a guy who's worked in a public library for 25 years. At the end, have Twilight reveal that she got the idea for keeping the Codex in the open stacks from reading the Codex. It makes the book even more of a character in the story, and, well, no one who's ever worked in a library is going to think that their security system actually stops book theft unless they're under some sort of malign influence... :)
Mike
>>horizon
That's actually a good example, since try as I might I've never really been able to enjoy Monty Python either (except for Holy Grail, which is far into pure absurd comedy territory), and now that I think about it for much the same reason.
And honestly, that comparison is probably as good a mitigation of my review as it's going to get. It just didn't work for me, but that happens.
That's actually a good example, since try as I might I've never really been able to enjoy Monty Python either (except for Holy Grail, which is far into pure absurd comedy territory), and now that I think about it for much the same reason.
And honestly, that comparison is probably as good a mitigation of my review as it's going to get. It just didn't work for me, but that happens.