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Special Delivery
Prompt Parcel was not in the habit of being late. But having her personal horoscope say: “take some time to smell the roses - too prompt of action will lead to disaster,” was enough to give even her pause.
With that in mind, she chose a slightly longer route to work, but even though it avoided all the flower stands and most of the parks, there were still over two dozen roses in bloom along the way, and smelling the blossoms took almost a second and a half each. Despite only eating one, it was still enough that she stepped into the mailroom of the Canterlot central post office almost four seconds after the clock struck eight.
The normal morning hubbub seemed subdued, and Prompt soon spotted why as all her coworkers were gathered around the postmaster, Route Presort. She headed for the group, stepping into the inner circle just in time to hear some of the most dreaded words of mailmaredom: “So, any volunteers?”
Prompt froze in place, but her shoulders itched as she felt dozens of eyes upon her.
“Ah, Prompt.” The itching intensified as now Route Presort gave her his attention. “Noble of you to volunteer so soon after returning from your sabbatical.”
Her mouth opened to protest, but a side glance showed that she was indeed standing several hooflengths ahead of everypony else. “Yes sir,” came out instead, and she suppressed a grimace as Presort held out a package.
The herd broke up and Prompt stared at the package in her hoof. It seemed normal enough at first glance - a parcel about the size and weight of a large book, wrapped in brown paper and bound in twine, but her ears drooped when she saw that the recipient was one Discord Q. Draconequus of i Confusion way, End of All Things, Chaos.
Prompt’s ears went flat as she looked around the room, everypony else having already returned to their various tasks. No Rush wasn’t here, of course. And all the others she got along pretty well with. There was one new face in the crowd, though - she remembered her vaguely from yesterday’s party.
She sidled up to the coffee maker, “Hey, Flat Rate, who’s that teal unicorn over by the bins?”
Flat Rate looked up from her sorting. “Hmm? You mean Indicia?”
“Yeah. Is she new?”
“This is her third day now, I think.”
Prompt Parcel grinned. “Perfect. Thanks Flat!”
She approached the slender mare, noting her long, rose and violet mane and deft telekinesis as she loaded letters into her saddlebags. Surprising she was a mailpony, really, but she did have a stamped letter for a cutie mark. “Hi. You’re Indicia?”
Indicia jumped at her voice, her rose eyes going wide. “Oh! Um, yes. You’re Prompt Parcel right? The one who just got back from Zebrica? That was a very nice welcome back party everypony threw.”
Prompt gave her a grin that had more teeth than cheer. “Sure am. And it was a nice sabbatical. Now c’mon. I need your help with this delivery.”
“What?” Indicia looked like she’d been hit in the back of the head with a board. “But I’m supposed to be covering the uptown route today,” she said, looking over to where Route Presort stood across the hall and trying to catch her eye.
Route Presort turned away, not seeming to notice, and Prompt nudged Indicia in the flank until she started moving.
“Not anymore. Trust me, this takes precedence. Now hurry up already and follow me.” She paused to push Indicia’s saddlebags away. “You won’t need these.”
“What? Where are we going?” Indicia said, her ears flat as she was herded away from the main hall.
Prompt hoofed over the parcel. “We’re going to deliver this package to Discord - spirit of chaos and disharmony.”
Indicia cocked her head as she levitated the package in front of her. “Confusion way? That doesn’t sound like one of the Canterlot streets. Or any kind of street really, to be honest.”
“It’s an irregular route,” Prompt said, pulling open a supply room and ducking inside. “We only run it if we have a delivery, or if the cuckoo clock in the postmaster’s office crows to tell us we have a pickup.”
She kept moving as she talked, filling her saddlebags with an assortment of items that made Indicia stare at her like she’d grown a second head - especially the last one, what looked like a toy dog mounted atop a model train engine. Prompt didn’t give her time to think it over, though before she lead them over a nearby storeroom.
This one was nearly empty, except for a lopsided magic circle circled by a model railroad track.
Indicia shuffled her hooves. “Um. I’m not really an expert in magic circles, but that one doesn’t look quite right.”
“Don’t worry about it - it’ll work. Here do a useful unicorn thing,” Prompt said, as she started laying the items out at various points in the design. There were bits of a broken picket fence, a watch running backwards, a vial of invisible ink, and a mailbox that said P. Pie, among other items. “Charge the dog and set it on the track.”
Indicia gritted her teeth, but nodded mutely as she channeled a little magic into the dog and set it down. It immediately started moving forwards, making surprisingly unsettling woofing noises as it ran its circuit.
Prompt had opened a window, and now returned to the circle, moving towards a brazier at the edge. “Okay, now chase the dog around the circle three times.”
“What?”
Prompt rolled her eyes. “You see, the postmare has to chase the…” She sighed. “Nevermind. Just do it.”
Indicia grumbled, but started after the mechanical pooch, while Prompt lit a returned return notice and dropped it into the brazier.
As Indicia completed the third lap, the smoke coalesced into a vertical disk which then burst into scintillating color. There it hung, a hooflength off the floor, the edges undulating gently while it emitted a slow, gurgling noise like a frog gargling marbles.
“Uh. Okay then, looks like it worked,” Indicia said, making a beeline to the door. She was halfway there before Prompt stuck a hoof out in front of her.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Uh, back?” Indicia said, shying away from Prompt’s gaze. “The portal’s open, right?”
Prompt shook her head. “You’re not done just yet. It takes two to make one of these deliveries safely.”
“What? Are you sure? This wasn’t in the manual.”
“Yes, I’m sure. None of us want to end up like Parcel Post. Come on, I’ll be right behind you,” Prompt said, turning Indicia around so that she faced the portal.
Indicia gulped and looked at Prompt uncertainly for a few moments, but finally stepped through.
Prompt was right on her tail, though she couldn’t resist a shudder as passing through the portal always felt like lukewarm oatmeal sliding through her coat, though it was always perfectly clean afterwards.
The ground here was soft underneath her hoof, though it looked like they were standing on a small island of polished marble floating in midair. There was a breeze of some sort, carrying the scent of burnt marshmallows, though the air wasn’t hot, or cold. She suspected that she might not even have to breathe, but she wasn’t about to test that theory out. There were no walls, and the sky was a twisting swirl of color within which small patches of terrain and other less-identifiable things bobbed gently.
Indicia stood stock still just a few paces away, staring around a little wild eyed.
“It does take some getting used to.”
“Get used to?” Indicia’s voice was a few octaves higher than usual. “How could anyone possibly get used to this? It doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Well, the inhabitant is arguably crazy, but don’t worry, the quicker we get going, the quicker we’ll get out of here.”
Indicia looked around and did her best not to hyperventilate. This was not what she’d signed up to the Equestrian Postal Service for. Snow, rain, heat, parasprites and the occasional barking dog she could handle. But this? This was another level entirely. Just the swirling sky alone was enough to make her dizzy.
But what would her parents think if she quit on her third day of work? She grit her teeth. They had been so proud of her when she got her cutie mark, and her father had practically glowed when she started following in his hoofprints.
Indicia took a deep breath and forced her legs into motion, though she couldn’t resist a dark look at the pony who had so cavalierly dragged her into this mess. She didn't even have a mail cutie mark - just one of those seemingly omnipresent hourglasses. “Okay then, let’s go,” she said, trotting ahead before she could lose her nerve.
They left the first island via a rope bridge, albeit one missing the ropes. It took all of Indicia’s effort to ignore the vertigo as she stepped between the floating planks, no matter how much stabler they were compared to those of an actual rope bridge.
She breathed an enormous sigh of relief as they reached a more normal island on the far side.
Normal was a relative term here, however. This particular island was some sort of confectioner’s dream, like a gingerbread house had begat a town, but one scaled up big enough for ponies to live in.
Prompt gestured for her to proceed, and the two of them wound down a country lane, but one where the fields were sprouting lollipops, and the rails were of candy canes.
Indica went to give them a sniff, but Prompt shook her head.
“Word to the wise - they don’t taste as good as they look.”
They continued, and a little ways further the path turned to the side and they were hopscotching across the fields on a trail of candies.
“Watch out for the black ones,” Prompt said, just as Indica’s hoof landed on one such and she got a giant gout of licorice juice to the face.
“Whoops, sorry!”
Prompt Parcel was not a fan of roller coasters at the best of times, but this one had looked like the most direct route, and it’s not like any twisty course it could take would be all that much worse than anything else around here.
Judging by her expression, Indicia hadn’t liked the ride any more than she had, though, so at least things were still working out.
“The clock is ticking - let’s go,” Prompt said, gesturing to the far end of the island, where swan boats glided majestically up from a vat of chocolate.
Indicia gave her a flat look. “You the one who knows this area. You’re still going first.”
Prompt shrugged. “Fine, fine, follow me.”
They set out across the island, heads swiveling as they passed among more twisted carnival rides. Prompt slowed as they reached the concession area, and saw Indicia’s attention captured by a pack of animate, giant hot dogs romping around inside an equally giant pen.
“Some really weird creatures here,” Indica said, as the dogs clustered on the other side of the fence from her.
“Yeah. Not everypony gets to see this sort of thing. You really should relish the encounter.“
The dog’s eyes widened and several started to inflate. Prompt waited until just the right second before bellowing “Duck!” at the top of her lungs.
Indica shrieked and dropped to the floor just as the creatures let out several searing jets of flame.
Prompt let out a sigh of relief as Indica glared up at her, a wide swath of her mane reduced to a blackened fringe.
“Whoops.”
Indica liked music, but even this new island of singing flowers couldn’t calm her down right now. Every step she took, she felt a little off balance, and the reek of burnt hair was pervasive. At least the little path they walked on was wide enough to walk abreast. All the better to avoid any more nasty surprises, and share the smell with Prompt as much as possible.
Prompt looked over, and Indicia could swear her eyes lingered on the burnt hairs as she smiled. “Looks like we’re almost there.”
Indicia put a little extra stomp in her step. “We’d better be.”
They continued in silence and the road gradually widened and the shoulders turned to muddy ruts “Alright, we should head off to the sides now,” Prompt said, moving off the pavers and towards the muck.
“Buck you,” Indica said, striding down the center of the lane.
She made it barely two steps before the surface gave way beneath her hooves and she screamed as the swirling sky below her filled her vision.
Then the plummet stopped with a sharp yank in her tail, and inch by inch she was hoisted back up, the stones scraping her belly and legs until she was finally laying on the rock, shaking.
Prompt’s voice was tight. “What were you thinking? If you fall off and float away, you never know how long it’ll take to get back!”
Indica blinked away tears in her eyes as she whirled around. “What was I thinking?” What was I thinking? No. What were YOU thinking? What the buck were you thinking taking me here and dragging me around like this? This is insane! And wipe that bucking smile off of your face.”
Prompt shook her head. “Hold that thought - we’re here.”
“What?” Indicia said, blinking. The path and flowers were gone - now the two of them somehow sat in front of a small, oddly constructed cottage.
A head poked out the door, without bothering to open it. Indica found her boiling fury momentarily suspended by the yellow eyes and mismatched horns. “Oh, splendid!” he said, clapping his hands together in glee. “I’ve been waiting quite a long time for this, you know. 4.47 billion years, in fact.” He snapped his fingers and the parcel appeared in front of him. “Hmm. Half seems to be missing. I’ll have to leave appropriate feedback.”
Prompt wordlessly held out the delivery slip.
He sniffed and with a snap of his fingers, it signed itself. “No matter, then here you go!” he said, before vanishing with a wave of his paw.
A moment passed, and then another. Indica had just turned towards Prompt and opened her mouth when Discord popped his head back out the door.
“Oh, and you know, I am reformed these days. So, as much as I appreciate the courtesy, having a flaming row is just not necessary to visit anymore.”
Prompt blinked. “It’s not?”
“Of course not! What would Fluttershy think? Now, toodles!” Discord snapped his fingers again and in a flash of light they found themselves back in the field of singing flowers once more, although now they’d moved on to showtunes.
“Wait, so the uptown route...” Prompt still had a stunned look in her eyes.
“Uh, yeah.” Indica snorted. “Like I said, Route Presort assigned it to me.”
Prompt bit her lip. “Normally she’d make sure to cover whichever mailponies left on an irregular run, but if she’s only expecting one…” she trailed off before burying her face in her hooves. “I’m so bucked.”
“Excuse me?” Indica stamped her hoof. “It’s my route we’re talking about here!”
“No, no, it was my fault,” Prompt said, shaking her head. “I should’ve read up more on changes to the regs. I’ll take full responsibility.”
“So, all of that.” Indica said icily, waving her hoof vaguely back down the path. “That was intentional?”
Prompt hung her head. “Yeah, I’m really sorry. The mud and the hot dogs, those were my fault. Even if you hadn't ducked, the fire wouldn't have hurt you, though, and I didn’t mean for you to fall. Honest.”
“And this wasn’t some sort of hazing, initiation prank thing?”
Prompt shook her head, still looking at the ground. “No. The best way to find Discord has always been, with, well... discord. In the past, I’d always partner up with No Rush. Celestia, he always took so long to get ready I was about ready to pull out my own mane, but then when we finally went we’d show up practically on Discord’s doorstep.” She let out a short, bitter laugh. “Naturally there was no sign of him this morning, though.”
“I see.” Indica was silent for a long moment, her thoughts racing even as her emotions gradually gelled. “You owe me a manecut.”
“Of course.”
“And there’s still the matter of my route.”
“Like I said, I’ll take full responsibility.”
Indica shook her head. “I’m not interested in blame. I’m a mailpony. Responsibility to me is getting everypony their mail.”
“Then I will do my absolute best for you,” Prompt said, bowing her head. “It’s already one twenty three, though. Some of it might be late.”
Indicia let out a long breath, and then extended her hoof. “Maybe if only one pony delivers it. But with two...”
With that in mind, she chose a slightly longer route to work, but even though it avoided all the flower stands and most of the parks, there were still over two dozen roses in bloom along the way, and smelling the blossoms took almost a second and a half each. Despite only eating one, it was still enough that she stepped into the mailroom of the Canterlot central post office almost four seconds after the clock struck eight.
The normal morning hubbub seemed subdued, and Prompt soon spotted why as all her coworkers were gathered around the postmaster, Route Presort. She headed for the group, stepping into the inner circle just in time to hear some of the most dreaded words of mailmaredom: “So, any volunteers?”
Prompt froze in place, but her shoulders itched as she felt dozens of eyes upon her.
“Ah, Prompt.” The itching intensified as now Route Presort gave her his attention. “Noble of you to volunteer so soon after returning from your sabbatical.”
Her mouth opened to protest, but a side glance showed that she was indeed standing several hooflengths ahead of everypony else. “Yes sir,” came out instead, and she suppressed a grimace as Presort held out a package.
The herd broke up and Prompt stared at the package in her hoof. It seemed normal enough at first glance - a parcel about the size and weight of a large book, wrapped in brown paper and bound in twine, but her ears drooped when she saw that the recipient was one Discord Q. Draconequus of i Confusion way, End of All Things, Chaos.
Prompt’s ears went flat as she looked around the room, everypony else having already returned to their various tasks. No Rush wasn’t here, of course. And all the others she got along pretty well with. There was one new face in the crowd, though - she remembered her vaguely from yesterday’s party.
She sidled up to the coffee maker, “Hey, Flat Rate, who’s that teal unicorn over by the bins?”
Flat Rate looked up from her sorting. “Hmm? You mean Indicia?”
“Yeah. Is she new?”
“This is her third day now, I think.”
Prompt Parcel grinned. “Perfect. Thanks Flat!”
She approached the slender mare, noting her long, rose and violet mane and deft telekinesis as she loaded letters into her saddlebags. Surprising she was a mailpony, really, but she did have a stamped letter for a cutie mark. “Hi. You’re Indicia?”
Indicia jumped at her voice, her rose eyes going wide. “Oh! Um, yes. You’re Prompt Parcel right? The one who just got back from Zebrica? That was a very nice welcome back party everypony threw.”
Prompt gave her a grin that had more teeth than cheer. “Sure am. And it was a nice sabbatical. Now c’mon. I need your help with this delivery.”
“What?” Indicia looked like she’d been hit in the back of the head with a board. “But I’m supposed to be covering the uptown route today,” she said, looking over to where Route Presort stood across the hall and trying to catch her eye.
Route Presort turned away, not seeming to notice, and Prompt nudged Indicia in the flank until she started moving.
“Not anymore. Trust me, this takes precedence. Now hurry up already and follow me.” She paused to push Indicia’s saddlebags away. “You won’t need these.”
“What? Where are we going?” Indicia said, her ears flat as she was herded away from the main hall.
Prompt hoofed over the parcel. “We’re going to deliver this package to Discord - spirit of chaos and disharmony.”
Indicia cocked her head as she levitated the package in front of her. “Confusion way? That doesn’t sound like one of the Canterlot streets. Or any kind of street really, to be honest.”
“It’s an irregular route,” Prompt said, pulling open a supply room and ducking inside. “We only run it if we have a delivery, or if the cuckoo clock in the postmaster’s office crows to tell us we have a pickup.”
She kept moving as she talked, filling her saddlebags with an assortment of items that made Indicia stare at her like she’d grown a second head - especially the last one, what looked like a toy dog mounted atop a model train engine. Prompt didn’t give her time to think it over, though before she lead them over a nearby storeroom.
This one was nearly empty, except for a lopsided magic circle circled by a model railroad track.
Indicia shuffled her hooves. “Um. I’m not really an expert in magic circles, but that one doesn’t look quite right.”
“Don’t worry about it - it’ll work. Here do a useful unicorn thing,” Prompt said, as she started laying the items out at various points in the design. There were bits of a broken picket fence, a watch running backwards, a vial of invisible ink, and a mailbox that said P. Pie, among other items. “Charge the dog and set it on the track.”
Indicia gritted her teeth, but nodded mutely as she channeled a little magic into the dog and set it down. It immediately started moving forwards, making surprisingly unsettling woofing noises as it ran its circuit.
Prompt had opened a window, and now returned to the circle, moving towards a brazier at the edge. “Okay, now chase the dog around the circle three times.”
“What?”
Prompt rolled her eyes. “You see, the postmare has to chase the…” She sighed. “Nevermind. Just do it.”
Indicia grumbled, but started after the mechanical pooch, while Prompt lit a returned return notice and dropped it into the brazier.
As Indicia completed the third lap, the smoke coalesced into a vertical disk which then burst into scintillating color. There it hung, a hooflength off the floor, the edges undulating gently while it emitted a slow, gurgling noise like a frog gargling marbles.
“Uh. Okay then, looks like it worked,” Indicia said, making a beeline to the door. She was halfway there before Prompt stuck a hoof out in front of her.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Uh, back?” Indicia said, shying away from Prompt’s gaze. “The portal’s open, right?”
Prompt shook her head. “You’re not done just yet. It takes two to make one of these deliveries safely.”
“What? Are you sure? This wasn’t in the manual.”
“Yes, I’m sure. None of us want to end up like Parcel Post. Come on, I’ll be right behind you,” Prompt said, turning Indicia around so that she faced the portal.
Indicia gulped and looked at Prompt uncertainly for a few moments, but finally stepped through.
Prompt was right on her tail, though she couldn’t resist a shudder as passing through the portal always felt like lukewarm oatmeal sliding through her coat, though it was always perfectly clean afterwards.
The ground here was soft underneath her hoof, though it looked like they were standing on a small island of polished marble floating in midair. There was a breeze of some sort, carrying the scent of burnt marshmallows, though the air wasn’t hot, or cold. She suspected that she might not even have to breathe, but she wasn’t about to test that theory out. There were no walls, and the sky was a twisting swirl of color within which small patches of terrain and other less-identifiable things bobbed gently.
Indicia stood stock still just a few paces away, staring around a little wild eyed.
“It does take some getting used to.”
“Get used to?” Indicia’s voice was a few octaves higher than usual. “How could anyone possibly get used to this? It doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Well, the inhabitant is arguably crazy, but don’t worry, the quicker we get going, the quicker we’ll get out of here.”
Indicia looked around and did her best not to hyperventilate. This was not what she’d signed up to the Equestrian Postal Service for. Snow, rain, heat, parasprites and the occasional barking dog she could handle. But this? This was another level entirely. Just the swirling sky alone was enough to make her dizzy.
But what would her parents think if she quit on her third day of work? She grit her teeth. They had been so proud of her when she got her cutie mark, and her father had practically glowed when she started following in his hoofprints.
Indicia took a deep breath and forced her legs into motion, though she couldn’t resist a dark look at the pony who had so cavalierly dragged her into this mess. She didn't even have a mail cutie mark - just one of those seemingly omnipresent hourglasses. “Okay then, let’s go,” she said, trotting ahead before she could lose her nerve.
They left the first island via a rope bridge, albeit one missing the ropes. It took all of Indicia’s effort to ignore the vertigo as she stepped between the floating planks, no matter how much stabler they were compared to those of an actual rope bridge.
She breathed an enormous sigh of relief as they reached a more normal island on the far side.
Normal was a relative term here, however. This particular island was some sort of confectioner’s dream, like a gingerbread house had begat a town, but one scaled up big enough for ponies to live in.
Prompt gestured for her to proceed, and the two of them wound down a country lane, but one where the fields were sprouting lollipops, and the rails were of candy canes.
Indica went to give them a sniff, but Prompt shook her head.
“Word to the wise - they don’t taste as good as they look.”
They continued, and a little ways further the path turned to the side and they were hopscotching across the fields on a trail of candies.
“Watch out for the black ones,” Prompt said, just as Indica’s hoof landed on one such and she got a giant gout of licorice juice to the face.
“Whoops, sorry!”
Prompt Parcel was not a fan of roller coasters at the best of times, but this one had looked like the most direct route, and it’s not like any twisty course it could take would be all that much worse than anything else around here.
Judging by her expression, Indicia hadn’t liked the ride any more than she had, though, so at least things were still working out.
“The clock is ticking - let’s go,” Prompt said, gesturing to the far end of the island, where swan boats glided majestically up from a vat of chocolate.
Indicia gave her a flat look. “You the one who knows this area. You’re still going first.”
Prompt shrugged. “Fine, fine, follow me.”
They set out across the island, heads swiveling as they passed among more twisted carnival rides. Prompt slowed as they reached the concession area, and saw Indicia’s attention captured by a pack of animate, giant hot dogs romping around inside an equally giant pen.
“Some really weird creatures here,” Indica said, as the dogs clustered on the other side of the fence from her.
“Yeah. Not everypony gets to see this sort of thing. You really should relish the encounter.“
The dog’s eyes widened and several started to inflate. Prompt waited until just the right second before bellowing “Duck!” at the top of her lungs.
Indica shrieked and dropped to the floor just as the creatures let out several searing jets of flame.
Prompt let out a sigh of relief as Indica glared up at her, a wide swath of her mane reduced to a blackened fringe.
“Whoops.”
Indica liked music, but even this new island of singing flowers couldn’t calm her down right now. Every step she took, she felt a little off balance, and the reek of burnt hair was pervasive. At least the little path they walked on was wide enough to walk abreast. All the better to avoid any more nasty surprises, and share the smell with Prompt as much as possible.
Prompt looked over, and Indicia could swear her eyes lingered on the burnt hairs as she smiled. “Looks like we’re almost there.”
Indicia put a little extra stomp in her step. “We’d better be.”
They continued in silence and the road gradually widened and the shoulders turned to muddy ruts “Alright, we should head off to the sides now,” Prompt said, moving off the pavers and towards the muck.
“Buck you,” Indica said, striding down the center of the lane.
She made it barely two steps before the surface gave way beneath her hooves and she screamed as the swirling sky below her filled her vision.
Then the plummet stopped with a sharp yank in her tail, and inch by inch she was hoisted back up, the stones scraping her belly and legs until she was finally laying on the rock, shaking.
Prompt’s voice was tight. “What were you thinking? If you fall off and float away, you never know how long it’ll take to get back!”
Indica blinked away tears in her eyes as she whirled around. “What was I thinking?” What was I thinking? No. What were YOU thinking? What the buck were you thinking taking me here and dragging me around like this? This is insane! And wipe that bucking smile off of your face.”
Prompt shook her head. “Hold that thought - we’re here.”
“What?” Indicia said, blinking. The path and flowers were gone - now the two of them somehow sat in front of a small, oddly constructed cottage.
A head poked out the door, without bothering to open it. Indica found her boiling fury momentarily suspended by the yellow eyes and mismatched horns. “Oh, splendid!” he said, clapping his hands together in glee. “I’ve been waiting quite a long time for this, you know. 4.47 billion years, in fact.” He snapped his fingers and the parcel appeared in front of him. “Hmm. Half seems to be missing. I’ll have to leave appropriate feedback.”
Prompt wordlessly held out the delivery slip.
He sniffed and with a snap of his fingers, it signed itself. “No matter, then here you go!” he said, before vanishing with a wave of his paw.
A moment passed, and then another. Indica had just turned towards Prompt and opened her mouth when Discord popped his head back out the door.
“Oh, and you know, I am reformed these days. So, as much as I appreciate the courtesy, having a flaming row is just not necessary to visit anymore.”
Prompt blinked. “It’s not?”
“Of course not! What would Fluttershy think? Now, toodles!” Discord snapped his fingers again and in a flash of light they found themselves back in the field of singing flowers once more, although now they’d moved on to showtunes.
“Wait, so the uptown route...” Prompt still had a stunned look in her eyes.
“Uh, yeah.” Indica snorted. “Like I said, Route Presort assigned it to me.”
Prompt bit her lip. “Normally she’d make sure to cover whichever mailponies left on an irregular run, but if she’s only expecting one…” she trailed off before burying her face in her hooves. “I’m so bucked.”
“Excuse me?” Indica stamped her hoof. “It’s my route we’re talking about here!”
“No, no, it was my fault,” Prompt said, shaking her head. “I should’ve read up more on changes to the regs. I’ll take full responsibility.”
“So, all of that.” Indica said icily, waving her hoof vaguely back down the path. “That was intentional?”
Prompt hung her head. “Yeah, I’m really sorry. The mud and the hot dogs, those were my fault. Even if you hadn't ducked, the fire wouldn't have hurt you, though, and I didn’t mean for you to fall. Honest.”
“And this wasn’t some sort of hazing, initiation prank thing?”
Prompt shook her head, still looking at the ground. “No. The best way to find Discord has always been, with, well... discord. In the past, I’d always partner up with No Rush. Celestia, he always took so long to get ready I was about ready to pull out my own mane, but then when we finally went we’d show up practically on Discord’s doorstep.” She let out a short, bitter laugh. “Naturally there was no sign of him this morning, though.”
“I see.” Indica was silent for a long moment, her thoughts racing even as her emotions gradually gelled. “You owe me a manecut.”
“Of course.”
“And there’s still the matter of my route.”
“Like I said, I’ll take full responsibility.”
Indica shook her head. “I’m not interested in blame. I’m a mailpony. Responsibility to me is getting everypony their mail.”
“Then I will do my absolute best for you,” Prompt said, bowing her head. “It’s already one twenty three, though. Some of it might be late.”
Indicia let out a long breath, and then extended her hoof. “Maybe if only one pony delivers it. But with two...”
I liked the story, so I'll be picky. :twilightsmile:
The third-pony perspective initially begins inside Prompt's head and eventually ends up in Indicia's, which is disjarring and makes it difficult to settle in either pony's horseshoes. I think the story would be better if you stayed with third-pony limited and chose one character or the other to headspace in.
Many readers may not know what a 'row' is. Since that word is absolutely essential to understanding the story, I'd back off to a less expensive word.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get at the very end. It seems like you're trying to form a budding relationship between the two characters, but the shift in mood is too quick for it to register well.
The horoscope and the bit about the hourglass cutie mark both threw me off track. I was certain both were foreshadowing for Prompt not being cut out for her job. They ended up feeling non-sequitur.
The third-pony perspective initially begins inside Prompt's head and eventually ends up in Indicia's, which is disjarring and makes it difficult to settle in either pony's horseshoes. I think the story would be better if you stayed with third-pony limited and chose one character or the other to headspace in.
Many readers may not know what a 'row' is. Since that word is absolutely essential to understanding the story, I'd back off to a less expensive word.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get at the very end. It seems like you're trying to form a budding relationship between the two characters, but the shift in mood is too quick for it to register well.
The horoscope and the bit about the hourglass cutie mark both threw me off track. I was certain both were foreshadowing for Prompt not being cut out for her job. They ended up feeling non-sequitur.
I really want to read a story about the postal union dealing with Discord's route, but that's me and my love of bureaucracy.
This was a fun romp, and I envision this turning into a comedy duo's journey through the chaos realms while bonding with each other. That last part is that I feel is the biggest detriment to the story, we never get a good grasp of Prompt and Indicia's personality since most of the time they're just reacting to the odd things in the chaos world with a couple of lines here and there to show how they feel. This is a huge missed opportunity, because they are the ones carrying this story, and if we're not sold on their relationship, then the story sufffers as a whole. As >>Trick_Question said, the transition from strangers to maybe friends was too abrupt. A more natural development would make the readers sympathise with them and see hot their friendship blooms.
You have something good in here, author. I hope you polish it even further.
This was a fun romp, and I envision this turning into a comedy duo's journey through the chaos realms while bonding with each other. That last part is that I feel is the biggest detriment to the story, we never get a good grasp of Prompt and Indicia's personality since most of the time they're just reacting to the odd things in the chaos world with a couple of lines here and there to show how they feel. This is a huge missed opportunity, because they are the ones carrying this story, and if we're not sold on their relationship, then the story sufffers as a whole. As >>Trick_Question said, the transition from strangers to maybe friends was too abrupt. A more natural development would make the readers sympathise with them and see hot their friendship blooms.
You have something good in here, author. I hope you polish it even further.
> s/Indica/Indicia/g;
To be honest, author, I wasn't a fan of this story most of the way through, although it did recover right at the end. I spent most of the story feeling like Prompt demanding Indicia to come along actually was hazing rather than being required by the delivery method, which made it challenging for me to care about her as the apparent protagonist. I was really grateful to see the end explain her behavior, and in hindsight the story largely makes sense, but that still left a fairly sizeable bad taste in my mouth for having had to sit through most of the story under the wrong impression.
This is certainly fixable! A couple of ideas that might help with it:
– Make Indicia the narrator throughout. We would see her as a hapless protagonist putting up with the harassment of a coworker until the reveal explained things; that way we can be rooting for the viewpoint character throughout (at first against Prompt). This would also address the perspective shift >>Trick_Question mentions.
– Do more lampshading for the reader that Indicia is needed, if we're staying in Prompt's perspective. Whether or not Indicia is told why she's there, as a reader I never felt like there was a requirement for her to be around. The fact that Indicia never asks "What do you need me for?" feels to me like a pretty significant idiot ball. For a moment when the magic circle got cast I felt my concerns ease (oh, Prompt just needed a unicorn to cast the spell!) only to get as confused as Indicia when she continued to get dragged along.
(This confusion isn't necessarily a bad thing — but I was frustrated by it here. The problem came from me being expected to sympathize with Prompt while being just as confused as Indicia was.)
– In particular, if you're keeping the existing perspective structure, try showing Prompt feeling guilty for dragging her in — show us her thoughts as she rejects her more experienced coworkers for various reasons and realizes to her horror she's going to have to bring the newbie. (You do note "all the others she got along pretty well with" early on, but if anything that by itself makes it worse: that shows us that she knows something bad is going to happen, and she seems fine with casually dumping it on the intern, which really does not endear me to her.)
… On further thought, though, you may have some fridge logic problems to deal with on that score, too. Unless it's impossible to have the argument that makes Discord appear if both parties know about the trigger, it feels straight-up unethical to me to spring that duty on the newbie without full disclosure — that kind of is hazing despite her protestations, isn't it? And if it requires someone unaware that an argument is needed, I'd imagine the boss should have made both assignments up front, and Prompt should have been disoriented enough at being sent solo to ask. (Unless you exposit somewhere that she made an assumption up front: her partner was obvious because of the new hire? … Yeah, that could work.)
Anyway.
Strongly agreed with >>Zaid Val'Roa that another major revision target here should be to dig deeper into the two characters' personalities as you go. My major issue was lack of connection; the alienation from Prompt already discussed was a major facet of that, but not the whole of it. Right now, the only other big hook (the adventure of the journey) doesn't feel compelling to me — Prompt never reacts to the various threats like they're significant (partially because they're not threatening, as you note at the end; and partially because she wants Indicia to get upset at her callousness. But that doesn't mitigate the issue of muting the stakes of the threats in the middle). It requires doubt about the outcome to make their challenges feel like an actual threat. The protagonists were never fearful enough to communicate that doubt to me.
I also agree with Trick that you should remove the red herrings — or explicitly return to them later. As cool as the early characterization was that the horoscope provides (and that really was an excellent touch right at the start! Nice job), it never ties back to the core plot. This might be as simple as discussing the fortune near the end and discussing which particular act of too-promptness caused (or was avoided to forestall) the disaster you foreshadow.
(On further thought, maybe you could double down on the horoscope and turn it into even more character moments — such as by having Prompt and Indicia discuss their respective horoscopes during the delivery, and then again in hindsight at the end.)
And yes, careful with "row". It's a specifically British colloquialism, and the word means enough other things that American readers unfamiliar with the slang might not pick it up from context.
On the bright side, I do like your eye for details — I've already mentioned the characterization right at the start, and the little bits of the portal ritual were also lovely. Setting aside the stakes issue, the actual descriptions of the trip were solid. Dialogue and writing felt smooth. The main thing that I think will improve this is getting all those details in line with the way you want readers to react: sympathize with your characters and get invested in the outcome their trials. There might be a fair amount of editing ahead of you toward that end, but it's really the only problem in an otherwise complete-feeling piece.
Thanks for writing!
Tier: Almost There
To be honest, author, I wasn't a fan of this story most of the way through, although it did recover right at the end. I spent most of the story feeling like Prompt demanding Indicia to come along actually was hazing rather than being required by the delivery method, which made it challenging for me to care about her as the apparent protagonist. I was really grateful to see the end explain her behavior, and in hindsight the story largely makes sense, but that still left a fairly sizeable bad taste in my mouth for having had to sit through most of the story under the wrong impression.
This is certainly fixable! A couple of ideas that might help with it:
– Make Indicia the narrator throughout. We would see her as a hapless protagonist putting up with the harassment of a coworker until the reveal explained things; that way we can be rooting for the viewpoint character throughout (at first against Prompt). This would also address the perspective shift >>Trick_Question mentions.
– Do more lampshading for the reader that Indicia is needed, if we're staying in Prompt's perspective. Whether or not Indicia is told why she's there, as a reader I never felt like there was a requirement for her to be around. The fact that Indicia never asks "What do you need me for?" feels to me like a pretty significant idiot ball. For a moment when the magic circle got cast I felt my concerns ease (oh, Prompt just needed a unicorn to cast the spell!) only to get as confused as Indicia when she continued to get dragged along.
(This confusion isn't necessarily a bad thing — but I was frustrated by it here. The problem came from me being expected to sympathize with Prompt while being just as confused as Indicia was.)
– In particular, if you're keeping the existing perspective structure, try showing Prompt feeling guilty for dragging her in — show us her thoughts as she rejects her more experienced coworkers for various reasons and realizes to her horror she's going to have to bring the newbie. (You do note "all the others she got along pretty well with" early on, but if anything that by itself makes it worse: that shows us that she knows something bad is going to happen, and she seems fine with casually dumping it on the intern, which really does not endear me to her.)
… On further thought, though, you may have some fridge logic problems to deal with on that score, too. Unless it's impossible to have the argument that makes Discord appear if both parties know about the trigger, it feels straight-up unethical to me to spring that duty on the newbie without full disclosure — that kind of is hazing despite her protestations, isn't it? And if it requires someone unaware that an argument is needed, I'd imagine the boss should have made both assignments up front, and Prompt should have been disoriented enough at being sent solo to ask. (Unless you exposit somewhere that she made an assumption up front: her partner was obvious because of the new hire? … Yeah, that could work.)
Anyway.
Strongly agreed with >>Zaid Val'Roa that another major revision target here should be to dig deeper into the two characters' personalities as you go. My major issue was lack of connection; the alienation from Prompt already discussed was a major facet of that, but not the whole of it. Right now, the only other big hook (the adventure of the journey) doesn't feel compelling to me — Prompt never reacts to the various threats like they're significant (partially because they're not threatening, as you note at the end; and partially because she wants Indicia to get upset at her callousness. But that doesn't mitigate the issue of muting the stakes of the threats in the middle). It requires doubt about the outcome to make their challenges feel like an actual threat. The protagonists were never fearful enough to communicate that doubt to me.
I also agree with Trick that you should remove the red herrings — or explicitly return to them later. As cool as the early characterization was that the horoscope provides (and that really was an excellent touch right at the start! Nice job), it never ties back to the core plot. This might be as simple as discussing the fortune near the end and discussing which particular act of too-promptness caused (or was avoided to forestall) the disaster you foreshadow.
(On further thought, maybe you could double down on the horoscope and turn it into even more character moments — such as by having Prompt and Indicia discuss their respective horoscopes during the delivery, and then again in hindsight at the end.)
And yes, careful with "row". It's a specifically British colloquialism, and the word means enough other things that American readers unfamiliar with the slang might not pick it up from context.
On the bright side, I do like your eye for details — I've already mentioned the characterization right at the start, and the little bits of the portal ritual were also lovely. Setting aside the stakes issue, the actual descriptions of the trip were solid. Dialogue and writing felt smooth. The main thing that I think will improve this is getting all those details in line with the way you want readers to react: sympathize with your characters and get invested in the outcome their trials. There might be a fair amount of editing ahead of you toward that end, but it's really the only problem in an otherwise complete-feeling piece.
Thanks for writing!
Tier: Almost There
This story relies a lot on the comedy of Discord's realm, which unfortunately fell flat for me. Not that any of it made me groan, it was just sort of inneffective, I guess. If you ask me, working jokes into a setting is already really hard to do without basing the bulk of the comedy on it—it's usually done very well as "supporting comedy" to the rest of the comedy... if that makes any sense. Basically, things like characterization, dialogue, and the plot are where the best comedians work their magic—the setting, not so much.
Trick and Zaid (edit: and horizon!) have touched on things that the story itself needs a bit more of to be more engaging, and these are areas that can be written in a funny way too—the personalities of the two protagonists, their relationship with each other, and what exactly happened at the end there.
Thanks for submitting your story, author! and good luck in the contest!
Trick and Zaid (edit: and horizon!) have touched on things that the story itself needs a bit more of to be more engaging, and these are areas that can be written in a funny way too—the personalities of the two protagonists, their relationship with each other, and what exactly happened at the end there.
Thanks for submitting your story, author! and good luck in the contest!
Genre: Flaming Row
Thoughts: There’s a really strong set of moving parts of a story here. I fear they don’t quite gel into an equally strong overall package right now though. I’m unlikely to top the analyses provided by >>Trick_Question and >>horizon, so I’m posting “me too”like a brain-dead AOLer. I’ll specifically call out Trick’s point about the words “flaming row” having an outsized importance in understanding the story; I actually didn’t pick up on that the first time though, which made the whole thing seem even more random. That combination of words just isn’t something I ever run into, so the cleverness of needing to sate Discord’s desire for, well, discord before they could deliver the mail, was easy to lose track of.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: There’s a really strong set of moving parts of a story here. I fear they don’t quite gel into an equally strong overall package right now though. I’m unlikely to top the analyses provided by >>Trick_Question and >>horizon, so I’m posting “me too”
Tier: Almost There
Immediately earned points by Discord’s middle initial being ‘Q,’ so be proud of that one. Using the prompt as part of his address was unexpected and clever, as well.
Ah, haha, I see. The mailmare chasing the dog inverts the trope, which is doubtlessly pleasing toSlaneesh Discord. Very clever way to open a door.
On the whole, a clever and a bit funny, but could use a little polish. The other commenters have sound advice already, so do defer to their expertise.
Here do a useful unicorn thing,That’s racist +1 sin
Ah, haha, I see. The mailmare chasing the dog inverts the trope, which is doubtlessly pleasing to
On the whole, a clever and a bit funny, but could use a little polish. The other commenters have sound advice already, so do defer to their expertise.
Sorry, author, but this story rubbed me the wrong way. I think Horizon addressed the reasons best, though I was struggling to put my finger on it before reading his review. Was bothered by the one character's behavior, and the turnaround was so abrupt that I had to reevaluate everything and that it read unrealistically. I like to think I forgive quickly but there's no way I wouldn't have still been kinda huffy after all that.
I do really like your use of the prompt. That was clever. Take the previous commenter's advice and you'll be good.
Edit: One other small thing--what does Indicia's name mean? Every single other named character has a name that has to do with mail and/or mail delivery, while "Indicia" sounds more like a normal human name.
I do really like your use of the prompt. That was clever. Take the previous commenter's advice and you'll be good.
Edit: One other small thing--what does Indicia's name mean? Every single other named character has a name that has to do with mail and/or mail delivery, while "Indicia" sounds more like a normal human name.
>>Kitcat36
You know I wasn't really thinking about Indicia's name while reading it, but now that you mention it it does look out of place for the postal service. So, I looked it up and lo and behold, it's actually clever:
So good eye to you for noticing the strangeness, and retroactive props to the author for sticking to the naming convention without being overly repetitive.
You know I wasn't really thinking about Indicia's name while reading it, but now that you mention it it does look out of place for the postal service. So, I looked it up and lo and behold, it's actually clever:
Definition of indicia
1 : distinctive marks : indications
2 : postal markings often imprinted on mail or on labels to be affixed to mail
So good eye to you for noticing the strangeness, and retroactive props to the author for sticking to the naming convention without being overly repetitive.
Did I like it? Yes. Did I understand "row" only because I've read Narnia? Yes again. I can't add anything to what the mass of reviews said, so yeah...
Tier: Keep Developing!
Tier: Keep Developing!
>>MLPmatthewl419
I got 'row' from the Phantom Tollbooth, but it was misspelled intentionally.
It's not a common definition in American English, and easily confused with any of the other dozen meanings of the word 'row'.
I got 'row' from the Phantom Tollbooth, but it was misspelled intentionally.
It's not a common definition in American English, and easily confused with any of the other dozen meanings of the word 'row'.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Trick_Question
I did a 4 month internship this summer with, among others, a British guy.
>>Trick_Question
I did a 4 month internship this summer with, among others, a British guy.
I feel like I'd like this more if Prompt didn't act so much like she was enjoying it. That switch at the end felt rushed and a bit uncomfortable.
It might also be nice to throw in some foreshadowing of them getting along at the beginning; it might make the 'we're friends now' ending feel more satisfactory.
I don't feel like the opening line was ever really justified. Are horoscopes still just trash, or was there actually a disaster averted somewhere that I missed? It did seem to lead directly into the plot, but then the plot sort of ignored it.
Your 'discord things' worked fairly well; they didn't seem to depend too heavily on visual gags, which is something of a problem at times when people write Discord. He's very much intended for a visual medium, so good work sidestepping that. OTOH, I didn't find them particularly funny, either, except for the 'chase the dog' bit. That was cute. Then again, I'm not very good at humor, so YMMV.
On the whole, this was fun, and feels solidly constructed. A bit rushed at the end, maybe, but a little tweaking should put that right.
It might also be nice to throw in some foreshadowing of them getting along at the beginning; it might make the 'we're friends now' ending feel more satisfactory.
I don't feel like the opening line was ever really justified. Are horoscopes still just trash, or was there actually a disaster averted somewhere that I missed? It did seem to lead directly into the plot, but then the plot sort of ignored it.
Your 'discord things' worked fairly well; they didn't seem to depend too heavily on visual gags, which is something of a problem at times when people write Discord. He's very much intended for a visual medium, so good work sidestepping that. OTOH, I didn't find them particularly funny, either, except for the 'chase the dog' bit. That was cute. Then again, I'm not very good at humor, so YMMV.
On the whole, this was fun, and feels solidly constructed. A bit rushed at the end, maybe, but a little tweaking should put that right.
Special Delivery is not prompt. Late retrospective is better than none?
>>Trick_Question, >>Zaid Val'Roa, >>horizon, >>Miller Minus, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Rao, >>Kitcat36, >>MLPmatthewl419, and >>Not_A_Hat, thank you for your feedback! To be honest, I kind of felt like I'd won the comment lottery this round.
This was a bit of an experiment, as I'm of the the 'writeoffs are for experiments' school of thought. That isn't to say that a fic can't be aimed to win, but playing to known strengths doesn't seem like the best use of a round, as compared to getting skilled feedback on a problem area. The end results are frequently weird, sometimes wonderful, and, yes, all to often wrecks, but useful ones.
In this case, I wanted to use OCs (need to be better at character development), and was trying my hand at multiple perspectives (usually use just one). Although that ended up being a poor fit for this particular story, I'm still happier with it than most of my recent writeoff entries. It may not have hit the right emotional notes, but the core conflict and arc are there.
I felt >>CoffeeMinion may have summed it up best with his "strong set of moving parts" summation, and >>Trick_Question, >>horizon, and most of the rest had cognizent points on just what bits were jamming each other up.
So, for me, this is just about a textbook example of the value of the writeoff, as I basically now have a roadmap of what to do.
As for some nuts and bolts, backstory, and comments.
I didn't have time to write on Friday or Saturday, although I did come up with the 'End of all things' as Discord's address on Saturday. I was originally leaning towards a 'Discord has gone missing' plot, but I couldn't think up a satisfactory reason as to why. Postal delivery didn't pop into my head until Sunday morning, but of course that's not really all that long to write, especially with various chores and such to do, and I think I ended up finishing around midnight.
Prompt was the focal character for the idea, with Indicia brainstormed as a way to make the scenario work. As mentioned earlier, I was experimenting with bouncing the perspective back and forth between scenes, but I find the arguments for making Indicia the sole POV persuasive.
The horoscope was an early idea, both to establish character and where Prompt being late (not very, but technically) would cause an ultimately positive chain of events, but I was short on time at the end and never came back to tie it in/clean it up properly.
I wrote the start and end first - the middle couple of scenes got short shrift.
As a born and bred American who has spent less than a week in Britan, I still have no idea why 'flaming row' was the first thing that popped into my head to describe a big fight.
Glad folks seem to have generally enjoyed it, and some of the smaller touches, even if it didn't make the finals. Thanks again for all the excellent feedback, and congratulations to the finalists.
>>Trick_Question, >>Zaid Val'Roa, >>horizon, >>Miller Minus, >>CoffeeMinion, >>Rao, >>Kitcat36, >>MLPmatthewl419, and >>Not_A_Hat, thank you for your feedback! To be honest, I kind of felt like I'd won the comment lottery this round.
This was a bit of an experiment, as I'm of the the 'writeoffs are for experiments' school of thought. That isn't to say that a fic can't be aimed to win, but playing to known strengths doesn't seem like the best use of a round, as compared to getting skilled feedback on a problem area. The end results are frequently weird, sometimes wonderful, and, yes, all to often wrecks, but useful ones.
In this case, I wanted to use OCs (need to be better at character development), and was trying my hand at multiple perspectives (usually use just one). Although that ended up being a poor fit for this particular story, I'm still happier with it than most of my recent writeoff entries. It may not have hit the right emotional notes, but the core conflict and arc are there.
I felt >>CoffeeMinion may have summed it up best with his "strong set of moving parts" summation, and >>Trick_Question, >>horizon, and most of the rest had cognizent points on just what bits were jamming each other up.
So, for me, this is just about a textbook example of the value of the writeoff, as I basically now have a roadmap of what to do.
As for some nuts and bolts, backstory, and comments.
I didn't have time to write on Friday or Saturday, although I did come up with the 'End of all things' as Discord's address on Saturday. I was originally leaning towards a 'Discord has gone missing' plot, but I couldn't think up a satisfactory reason as to why. Postal delivery didn't pop into my head until Sunday morning, but of course that's not really all that long to write, especially with various chores and such to do, and I think I ended up finishing around midnight.
Prompt was the focal character for the idea, with Indicia brainstormed as a way to make the scenario work. As mentioned earlier, I was experimenting with bouncing the perspective back and forth between scenes, but I find the arguments for making Indicia the sole POV persuasive.
The horoscope was an early idea, both to establish character and where Prompt being late (not very, but technically) would cause an ultimately positive chain of events, but I was short on time at the end and never came back to tie it in/clean it up properly.
I wrote the start and end first - the middle couple of scenes got short shrift.
As a born and bred American who has spent less than a week in Britan, I still have no idea why 'flaming row' was the first thing that popped into my head to describe a big fight.
Glad folks seem to have generally enjoyed it, and some of the smaller touches, even if it didn't make the finals. Thanks again for all the excellent feedback, and congratulations to the finalists.
>>Caliaponia
Also, in case that seemed rude, I should add that I share your opinion that the Writeoff is better as a feedback system than a competition. The competition element, however, particularly the two-round voting, encourages me to push to do my best. If you make the finals you get more feedback.
I think you have a good story with great action and some minor flaws. I hope you end up posting the end result to Fimfiction.
Also, in case that seemed rude, I should add that I share your opinion that the Writeoff is better as a feedback system than a competition. The competition element, however, particularly the two-round voting, encourages me to push to do my best. If you make the finals you get more feedback.
I think you have a good story with great action and some minor flaws. I hope you end up posting the end result to Fimfiction.
>>Trick_Question
It’s a feedition system.
Or a competiback. Depends on the hour of the day and the phase of the Moon.
the Writeoff is better as a feedback system than a competition.
It’s a feedition system.
Or a competiback. Depends on the hour of the day and the phase of the Moon.