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Refrigerator. Fluttershy Writes Daily Poems in October. Yay.
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A clever use of poetry. The haiku format gives just enough of an image to each day. The effect of them all strung together is quite impressive. While I would have liked it better if there had been more to it than the average slice-of-life affair, it's still a strong entry.
It exists. I don't get much of a picture of Fluttershy's October since the poems are so short and there isn't an overarching thread or theme just disconnected poems. All I can say about it is that it was written and exists.
Disclaimer: This is the opinion of a sick person who is too medicated to think overly clearly on top of not knowing what is objectively good or bad writing.
Disclaimer: This is the opinion of a sick person who is too medicated to think overly clearly on top of not knowing what is objectively good or bad writing.
This is a bit tough. Several of the haiku are very pleasant, but a lot of them are also inconsequential. This might have been better if you limited it to the significant ones than forcing yourself to come up with one for every day. It's all pretty much slice-of-life fluff until we get to the 10th, which is still SoL, but with wonderful imagery. The 12th suggests a lot larger story than it actually says, and the overarching autumn theme is merely an incidental detail here than the central thing. And that's what makes it so good. More like this one, please! I don't understand the 13th. The 14th and 15th couldn't be less significant or evocative of imagery. The 16th is pretty ho-hum. Then the 17th is wonderful again. This lovely personification, and it takes on an even more literal sense, given that Fluttershy can understand the crow. Then back to blase. The 18th is a nice enough image that dog owners will like, the 19th feels like pointless fan service.
That's just to pick out a stretch. The last one is a nice characterization of Fluttershy. There's more of a diary feel to this whole story, like she just wrote out whatever mundane stuff happened to her that day. There isn't an overall narrative, just a sense that there's a march of time happening, so while it's unified, it's not in a way that makes a point. But it doesn't have deeply hidden meaning, so it's at least the kind of poetry that is more comparable to prose flash fiction. The title feels like it's trying to be a haiku as well, but it's got an extra syllable. Unless you say "poems" as one, I guess.
Cute. There's nothing past the fluff, but it doesn't aspire to be anything except fluff, so there's no failure of ambition. Not bad.
That's just to pick out a stretch. The last one is a nice characterization of Fluttershy. There's more of a diary feel to this whole story, like she just wrote out whatever mundane stuff happened to her that day. There isn't an overall narrative, just a sense that there's a march of time happening, so while it's unified, it's not in a way that makes a point. But it doesn't have deeply hidden meaning, so it's at least the kind of poetry that is more comparable to prose flash fiction. The title feels like it's trying to be a haiku as well, but it's got an extra syllable. Unless you say "poems" as one, I guess.
Cute. There's nothing past the fluff, but it doesn't aspire to be anything except fluff, so there's no failure of ambition. Not bad.
My favorite so far of the competition, and likely top slater for the rest of the round. This knows exactly what it wants to be, and accomplishes it with aplomb—although I wouldn't hate to see some of the haikus delve deeper into Fluttershy's emotional state. I'd love to see one for every month of the year.
My only question is about the title... it's one syllable too long to be its own haiku. That said, while I'm assuming it's meant to be a reference to the classic "refrigerator as last haiku line" joke, I'm choosing to believe that all these haikus are being posted up on Fluttershy's fridge, as her own calendar-in-process.
(My personal favorites were Oct 7, Oct 13 [which I would move to later in the piece], and Oct 17. I'm thinking of doing a reading of this)
My only question is about the title... it's one syllable too long to be its own haiku. That said, while I'm assuming it's meant to be a reference to the classic "refrigerator as last haiku line" joke, I'm choosing to believe that all these haikus are being posted up on Fluttershy's fridge, as her own calendar-in-process.
(My personal favorites were Oct 7, Oct 13 [which I would move to later in the piece], and Oct 17. I'm thinking of doing a reading of this)
Even though I usually dislike haiku, I think I'm liking this more as I keep re-reading it.
I don't know how to judge the form besides syllables, but these are fun to read and nicely fit Fluttershy's voice. I think it might be my favorite approach to the prompt this round (and the unwritten prompts of Halloween and October), because it doesn't overstate the "cold comfort" but suggests it subtly. And some of the poems suggest characters and personalities without even having to say their names. Put all together, it's gentle but lonely.
Since we're picking favorites: I liked 11, 20, and 30 the most.
So far this might be my top pick this round, just because it pulls me so deep in that nostalgic autumn mood. and I'm pleasantly surprised that it's a poetry entry affecting me like this (I don't hate em, but I don't especially love them either). Thanks for writing this!
P.S. "poem" is only 1 syllable, you heathens! (actually I didn't even notice that about the title until they pointed it out)
I don't know how to judge the form besides syllables, but these are fun to read and nicely fit Fluttershy's voice. I think it might be my favorite approach to the prompt this round (and the unwritten prompts of Halloween and October), because it doesn't overstate the "cold comfort" but suggests it subtly. And some of the poems suggest characters and personalities without even having to say their names. Put all together, it's gentle but lonely.
Since we're picking favorites: I liked 11, 20, and 30 the most.
So far this might be my top pick this round, just because it pulls me so deep in that nostalgic autumn mood. and I'm pleasantly surprised that it's a poetry entry affecting me like this (I don't hate em, but I don't especially love them either). Thanks for writing this!
P.S. "poem" is only 1 syllable, you heathens! (actually I didn't even notice that about the title until they pointed it out)
>>Pascoite
um.
what's with the passive aggressiveness here?
I'm sorry if I seriously offended you over this silly topic.
um.
what's with the passive aggressiveness here?
I'm sorry if I seriously offended you over this silly topic.
>>Pascoite
sorry, the strawman argument made it seem like an act of aggression.
no, I do not think it is one syllable, because no one pronounces "naïve" like "knives", and the diaeresis is literally there in the word as an indication not to pronounce a diphthong.
I'm still naive though.
sorry, the strawman argument made it seem like an act of aggression.
no, I do not think it is one syllable, because no one pronounces "naïve" like "knives", and the diaeresis is literally there in the word as an indication not to pronounce a diphthong.
I'm still naive though.
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
I also took this to mean she was hanging the poems on her fridge. I wasn't aware of a refrigerator/haiku joke, so that would have been lost on me.
I also took this to mean she was hanging the poems on her fridge. I wasn't aware of a refrigerator/haiku joke, so that would have been lost on me.
Favorites: Oct 7, Oct 8, Oct 9, Oct 10
The early ones are the best. I felt the latter ones are rather so-so (and Oct 21 confuses me, who's this about?) (and I'll second Pascoite that I don't understand Oct 13)
The early ones are the best. I felt the latter ones are rather so-so (and Oct 21 confuses me, who's this about?) (and I'll second Pascoite that I don't understand Oct 13)
>>Pascoite
>>JudgeDeadd
Oct 13 is a reversal of the haiku rules. Instead of 5-7-5, it’s 7-5-7. It’s probably placed where it is because 13 is an unlucky number, but I think it should go nearer the end. 13 is too soon in the piece for an altered form like that.
>>JudgeDeadd
Oct 13 is a reversal of the haiku rules. Instead of 5-7-5, it’s 7-5-7. It’s probably placed where it is because 13 is an unlucky number, but I think it should go nearer the end. 13 is too soon in the piece for an altered form like that.
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
I hadn't noticed the syllable count. I just meant I don't understand what's happening in it. If the whole point is just that the syllable count and first line are contradictory in order to justify the last line and do ??? with the second one... I dunno. I still don't get anything from it.
I hadn't noticed the syllable count. I just meant I don't understand what's happening in it. If the whole point is just that the syllable count and first line are contradictory in order to justify the last line and do ??? with the second one... I dunno. I still don't get anything from it.
>>JudgeDeadd
I'm guessing the 21st is about Scootaloo and her scooter, but it's just kind of a throwaway entry.
I'm guessing the 21st is about Scootaloo and her scooter, but it's just kind of a throwaway entry.
Gonna echo what others said about the 17th being great. Some others were surprisingly profound.
Beautiful little snapshots into Fluttershy’s life. The haikus were incredibly descriptive; I actually had a decent idea what happened this October in Ponyville, at least from Fluttershy's view. Oct 13 was the perfect little surprise in the story, an inconsequential yet daring act of rebellion that I’m sure Fluttershy still hesitated before writing
Great poetry, great character study.
Great poetry, great character study.
Well, this one has been done to death, so I doubt I have anything to add that hasn't already been said. I liked it in general, with the little profundities and the occasional nonsense. The problem is that I feel something far deeper and more complex could have been done with this idea.
This one would be top-slate material for me if it felt like all of the poems were as good as the good ones. A number really contribute to the overall effect of a chronicle of passing time, offering simple observations that seek to crystallize a moment; as noted last round, poetry is the perfect format for that sort of extreme (and slightly fragmentary) brevity. In the early stretch, for example, Oct. 2 and 4 and 6 offer up moments from her life: taking a walk, watching a butterfly migration, observing a flight race. The cumulative effect of those things paints an effective picture of the narrator's interests and longings, along with a nice dose of wabi-sabi that makes good use of the choice of form.
There's an unevenness here, though, that feels like it's holding it back. This seems overly fond of a sort of "punchline" structure that doesn't really suit the observation-of-a-moment of your better haikus:
Setup, setup, punchline. This makes the entire poem about how it props up the last line -- placing the focus on the explanation of the phenomenon rather than the phenomenon itself, which is exactly the opposite of where you want to place your focus. (Stated another way: you're going "show, show, tell" and the strength of the form relies on showing.) I think that particular one would have been much stronger if you'd redone the last line as pure description in line with the Running of the Leaves, e.g. "Then hooves thunder by". The context of the footrace would still be there, but the reader is left with the sensory impression rather than a dry explanation.
October 3 suffers similarly (setup/setup/punchline into the telly "respite for chickens" rather than a description of the chickens' reactions). October 5 just feels weird, because it's obviously about Rainbow Dash (and Applejack?) doing things Fluttershy doesn't do, and it's narrated in the same observations-of-the-author-who-is-there-experiencing-those-things fashion, but there's no indication of a change in authorship. October 7 is fine in isolation, but it isn't setting the same tone as the stronger, showier poems; and while some wandering in tone is alright, possibly even preferable, you do that same character focusing more effectively on days like Oct. 13 while still contributing to the overall aesthetic described above.
More like 2, 12, 18, 24, 28, please. Still, author, great job hitting as many high points as you did, even if the unevenness left me dissatisfied.
>>Pascoite >>JudgeDeadd >>Dubs_Rewatcher >>regidar
I'm pretty confident that the point of the 13th was that Fluttershy had tea-time with Discord. The shift in line structure was a nod to that, but wasn't itself the point.
Tier: Strong
There's an unevenness here, though, that feels like it's holding it back. This seems overly fond of a sort of "punchline" structure that doesn't really suit the observation-of-a-moment of your better haikus:
Oct 1
. Ground shivers and shakes
Under a orange red blanket,
. Running of the Leaves
Setup, setup, punchline. This makes the entire poem about how it props up the last line -- placing the focus on the explanation of the phenomenon rather than the phenomenon itself, which is exactly the opposite of where you want to place your focus. (Stated another way: you're going "show, show, tell" and the strength of the form relies on showing.) I think that particular one would have been much stronger if you'd redone the last line as pure description in line with the Running of the Leaves, e.g. "Then hooves thunder by". The context of the footrace would still be there, but the reader is left with the sensory impression rather than a dry explanation.
October 3 suffers similarly (setup/setup/punchline into the telly "respite for chickens" rather than a description of the chickens' reactions). October 5 just feels weird, because it's obviously about Rainbow Dash (and Applejack?) doing things Fluttershy doesn't do, and it's narrated in the same observations-of-the-author-who-is-there-experiencing-those-things fashion, but there's no indication of a change in authorship. October 7 is fine in isolation, but it isn't setting the same tone as the stronger, showier poems; and while some wandering in tone is alright, possibly even preferable, you do that same character focusing more effectively on days like Oct. 13 while still contributing to the overall aesthetic described above.
More like 2, 12, 18, 24, 28, please. Still, author, great job hitting as many high points as you did, even if the unevenness left me dissatisfied.
>>Pascoite >>JudgeDeadd >>Dubs_Rewatcher >>regidar
I'm pretty confident that the point of the 13th was that Fluttershy had tea-time with Discord. The shift in line structure was a nod to that, but wasn't itself the point.
Tier: Strong
I have perhaps a slightly different perspective from >>horizon on the way some of these end. Some are more "telly" than "showy," but for me the contrast doesn't necessarily detract from the poems. I wondered if it was intentional, since (sorry if this is common knowledge) traditionally the last line of a haiku can serve to illuminate or change the meaning of the preceding two. In turn, the first lines often do sort of support/set up the third. One of the best examples here is #12.
Granted, the other quoted examples don't pull it off as smoothly. Uneven quality is a valid criticism, and certainly some of these could be improved to shine as brightly as the gems that are already here. I'd love to see the results if they are. As it is, I have too many favorites to list. Thank you for this entry.
Granted, the other quoted examples don't pull it off as smoothly. Uneven quality is a valid criticism, and certainly some of these could be improved to shine as brightly as the gems that are already here. I'd love to see the results if they are. As it is, I have too many favorites to list. Thank you for this entry.
I'm really happy that this ranked so high; it shot to the top of my slate as soon as I read it. It's neither the most complex nor the most ambitious piece that I read this round, but it gave me such a cozy, nostalgic feeling (and it's so indelibly Fluttershy) that I couldn't help falling in love with it.
Thanks, Haze, and congratulations.
Thanks, Haze, and congratulations.
Pretend this retrospective is only 17 syllables long.
I was inspired by the whole poetry debate reigniting, and the topic of ESL users. Here's a form with no meter or rhyme, not even designed for english in the first place. Let's see what it adds to the debate!
But I honestly thought this would score low, not even getting into finals.
Strike 1: Poetry haters will hate it.
Strike 2: There's no ambitious arc connecting them, it's just fluff. Story lovers will hate it.
Strike 3: I, uh... have never written haiku, or any poetry, in my life. Poetry lovers will be sadly disappointed.
After accepting that no one will like this, and I'm writing it just for me, I decided it should at least be something *I* would respect and enjoy. I did some hasty research on the old haiku masters and tried my best to imitate them.
I was actually telling the truth in my fake self-review >>Haze - I kinda hate english haiku, because they seem like nothing more than syllable-counting, or ironic jokes. Everyone knows the 5-7-5 rule, but it's so superficial to me. I'm more fond of traditional haiku, because they follow a more complex set of rules and qualities. Makes them stronger, but I suspect also makes them more accessible for the average reader to "get it".
Besides, the requirements of writing on nature and including a seasonal word synchronizes so magically with MLP's fantasy setting, where ponies themselves manage nature and change the seasons. And I could've picked anypony's POV, but the one who talks to animals seemed the most fitting for this, as well as being the type most receptive to observing the world around her. It sticks with the traditions while also putting a pony spin on them.
(I discovered that autumn might be the most rewarding season for traditional haiku, but it's also the most challenging. For various reasons. I wonder if experienced poets feel the same.)
Everyone noticed that it doesn't really tell an overall story.... and that is true! It just sits there, existing. There's something refreshing about everybody 100% understanding the intent, or lack of one.
Having a subtle arc did cross my mind -- it would easily impress writeoff voters with its ambition, and it's something I tend to do to overcomplicate my stories. And for some reason I can't quite recall, I simply decided not to. I guess it would feel too flashy and clever, going against the whole spirit of haiku. In retrospect I think it makes this even more accessible, no one has to feel left out by not getting the subtext, or debating different interpretations (like "Poisoned Apple" from last time). It's just 31 poems, presented one at a time, what you see is what you get. Everyone can talk about their reactions, their favorites, without having to figure out what it all means. It's experimental by not attempting any experiment at all.
(Though I did want a subtle shift: the poems would start out more warm and social, and become colder and lonelier as the month went on. But I was too exhausted to tighten up the ordering when I was done, so it's probably not noticable.)
The title is a dumb joke. I'm bad at titles, and instead of something poetic/pretentious, I decided to be as unambiguous and direct as possible. No subtlety! I think it helped, actually. By coincidence I noticed it was 12 syllables (or is it 13?) and stuck "Refrigerator" in there to turn it into a bad haiku (I tried a serious line but I hit the character limit). The interpretation that she's literally posting these on her refrigerator is so adorable, I'm now convinced it's happening too.
The wordcount is another dumb joke. It was originally 424, a nice minimal number. I edited it down to 420, because heh heh heh. Then realized 575 would be even better. The difference between 575 and 420 turns out to be a multiple of 31; this was TOO PERFECT. I added 5 "words" worth of formatting to every haiku. I'm way too proud of this stupid cleverness, which no one noticed anyway.
So I never wrote haiku before, I'm learning it as I'm going, and I got burnt out after writing around 25 so I limped across the finish line with some weaker filler. How did I do? Silver medal!? I just don't know what went wrong!
First of all, I was amazed that I got >>Monokeras to read poetry in english without dismissing it. And he enjoyed it too. Wow.
I appreciated everyone sharing their favorites, and even their disliked poems too. Even if you can't explain a reason, it helps because I had no idea which ones would work. But now it's confusing because some people would like a poem that others hated! I guess I'll just stick to writing for myself.
#12 was the last one I wrote. I was pretty disappointed in it and thought it was too ham-fisted, but I just wanted to be finished. I'm surprised it was a popular hit.
#13 is about Discord. I thought it'd be pretty obvious, since there's that recent episode about his chaos-themed tea party. I was fixated on Friday the 13th which we had this October. >>Dubs_Rewatcher says it should come later, but I think it's more shocking in the beginning. Then I can break the syllable rules later in more subtle ways, and the reader will know I'm doing it for a reason. I dunno.
#21 is about Scootaloo.
>>horizon
I'm a consistently uneven person.
I accept that you didn't like those, but I think I disagree with your reason. I understand that structure working in the manner >>WillowWren describes, and it's something I noticed the old masters often using. Individual execution aside, because I know I'm not very good, I think the general principle of what you're saying unnecessarily limits haiku.
I feel like, even in a 3-line poem, "show, show, show" can be exhausting. I don't mean all haiku here, but these ones where the aim is to show an unusual perspective, disorient the reader, then ground it in reality once again. You can observe the details of a tree while still being aware of the forest... rather than more and more details of the vast forest overloading your senses. I dislike "show don't tell" because I think it leads to the inaccessible type of subtlety that we lament in the writeoff. Better to have one "telly" line, for emphasis or context, that helps the subtlety to blossom.
Of course, I'm a poetry noob trying to argue with someone much, much more experienced at this, and I feel way out of my league. I still feel like I was on the right track, but I'll consider what you said. If I write haiku again.
Thanks everypony, for reading this! -- Fluttershy
I was inspired by the whole poetry debate reigniting, and the topic of ESL users. Here's a form with no meter or rhyme, not even designed for english in the first place. Let's see what it adds to the debate!
But I honestly thought this would score low, not even getting into finals.
Strike 1: Poetry haters will hate it.
Strike 2: There's no ambitious arc connecting them, it's just fluff. Story lovers will hate it.
Strike 3: I, uh... have never written haiku, or any poetry, in my life. Poetry lovers will be sadly disappointed.
After accepting that no one will like this, and I'm writing it just for me, I decided it should at least be something *I* would respect and enjoy. I did some hasty research on the old haiku masters and tried my best to imitate them.
I was actually telling the truth in my fake self-review >>Haze - I kinda hate english haiku, because they seem like nothing more than syllable-counting, or ironic jokes. Everyone knows the 5-7-5 rule, but it's so superficial to me. I'm more fond of traditional haiku, because they follow a more complex set of rules and qualities. Makes them stronger, but I suspect also makes them more accessible for the average reader to "get it".
Besides, the requirements of writing on nature and including a seasonal word synchronizes so magically with MLP's fantasy setting, where ponies themselves manage nature and change the seasons. And I could've picked anypony's POV, but the one who talks to animals seemed the most fitting for this, as well as being the type most receptive to observing the world around her. It sticks with the traditions while also putting a pony spin on them.
(I discovered that autumn might be the most rewarding season for traditional haiku, but it's also the most challenging. For various reasons. I wonder if experienced poets feel the same.)
Everyone noticed that it doesn't really tell an overall story.... and that is true! It just sits there, existing. There's something refreshing about everybody 100% understanding the intent, or lack of one.
Having a subtle arc did cross my mind -- it would easily impress writeoff voters with its ambition, and it's something I tend to do to overcomplicate my stories. And for some reason I can't quite recall, I simply decided not to. I guess it would feel too flashy and clever, going against the whole spirit of haiku. In retrospect I think it makes this even more accessible, no one has to feel left out by not getting the subtext, or debating different interpretations (like "Poisoned Apple" from last time). It's just 31 poems, presented one at a time, what you see is what you get. Everyone can talk about their reactions, their favorites, without having to figure out what it all means. It's experimental by not attempting any experiment at all.
(Though I did want a subtle shift: the poems would start out more warm and social, and become colder and lonelier as the month went on. But I was too exhausted to tighten up the ordering when I was done, so it's probably not noticable.)
The title is a dumb joke. I'm bad at titles, and instead of something poetic/pretentious, I decided to be as unambiguous and direct as possible. No subtlety! I think it helped, actually. By coincidence I noticed it was 12 syllables (or is it 13?) and stuck "Refrigerator" in there to turn it into a bad haiku (I tried a serious line but I hit the character limit). The interpretation that she's literally posting these on her refrigerator is so adorable, I'm now convinced it's happening too.
The wordcount is another dumb joke. It was originally 424, a nice minimal number. I edited it down to 420, because heh heh heh. Then realized 575 would be even better. The difference between 575 and 420 turns out to be a multiple of 31; this was TOO PERFECT. I added 5 "words" worth of formatting to every haiku. I'm way too proud of this stupid cleverness, which no one noticed anyway.
So I never wrote haiku before, I'm learning it as I'm going, and I got burnt out after writing around 25 so I limped across the finish line with some weaker filler. How did I do? Silver medal!? I just don't know what went wrong!
First of all, I was amazed that I got >>Monokeras to read poetry in english without dismissing it. And he enjoyed it too. Wow.
I appreciated everyone sharing their favorites, and even their disliked poems too. Even if you can't explain a reason, it helps because I had no idea which ones would work. But now it's confusing because some people would like a poem that others hated! I guess I'll just stick to writing for myself.
#12 was the last one I wrote. I was pretty disappointed in it and thought it was too ham-fisted, but I just wanted to be finished. I'm surprised it was a popular hit.
#13 is about Discord. I thought it'd be pretty obvious, since there's that recent episode about his chaos-themed tea party. I was fixated on Friday the 13th which we had this October. >>Dubs_Rewatcher says it should come later, but I think it's more shocking in the beginning. Then I can break the syllable rules later in more subtle ways, and the reader will know I'm doing it for a reason. I dunno.
#21 is about Scootaloo.
>>horizon
I'm a consistently uneven person.
Setup, setup, punchline. This makes the entire poem about how it props up the last line -- placing the focus on the explanation of the phenomenon rather than the phenomenon itself, which is exactly the opposite of where you want to place your focus. (Stated another way: you're going "show, show, tell" and the strength of the form relies on showing.)
I accept that you didn't like those, but I think I disagree with your reason. I understand that structure working in the manner >>WillowWren describes, and it's something I noticed the old masters often using. Individual execution aside, because I know I'm not very good, I think the general principle of what you're saying unnecessarily limits haiku.
I feel like, even in a 3-line poem, "show, show, show" can be exhausting. I don't mean all haiku here, but these ones where the aim is to show an unusual perspective, disorient the reader, then ground it in reality once again. You can observe the details of a tree while still being aware of the forest... rather than more and more details of the vast forest overloading your senses. I dislike "show don't tell" because I think it leads to the inaccessible type of subtlety that we lament in the writeoff. Better to have one "telly" line, for emphasis or context, that helps the subtlety to blossom.
Of course, I'm a poetry noob trying to argue with someone much, much more experienced at this, and I feel way out of my league. I still feel like I was on the right track, but I'll consider what you said. If I write haiku again.
Thanks everypony, for reading this! -- Fluttershy
>>Haze
Take with grain of salt;
hard to argue with success.
Congrats on silver!
But seriously, sometimes I have strong opinions about strong writing, and there are many different ways to do strong writing: which is why I try to explain my reasoning, so that if others disagree they can provide contrasting views, and if you disagree with my reasoning you can feel more confident about rejecting my conclusions.
I'll also point out that, despite specifically grumbling about show-show-tell, I appear to have listed #12 as one of my favorites, so I may be misdiagnosing based on something else that the disliked s-s-t ones had in common. I think the reason that 12 worked for me while, say, 1 didn't was that ... mmm. 1 felt too obvious, maybe? Anticlimactic. And 12 isn't summarizing what we've already seen so much as giving us the next step in the sequence.
::shrug emoji::
Take with grain of salt;
hard to argue with success.
Congrats on silver!
But seriously, sometimes I have strong opinions about strong writing, and there are many different ways to do strong writing: which is why I try to explain my reasoning, so that if others disagree they can provide contrasting views, and if you disagree with my reasoning you can feel more confident about rejecting my conclusions.
I'll also point out that, despite specifically grumbling about show-show-tell, I appear to have listed #12 as one of my favorites, so I may be misdiagnosing based on something else that the disliked s-s-t ones had in common. I think the reason that 12 worked for me while, say, 1 didn't was that ... mmm. 1 felt too obvious, maybe? Anticlimactic. And 12 isn't summarizing what we've already seen so much as giving us the next step in the sequence.
::shrug emoji::