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It's Your Funeral · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
Fibrous Ot Nuggets OF EMOTION
"I should start with a prompt drop," you say.

I shrug. "It's your funeral."

"No, no," you say, cracking your knuckles and sitting down at your keyboard. "You don't understand. Cream, as they say, isn't the only thing that floats to the top."

I roll my eyes and return to my video game. "That line ought to tell you everything you need to know about your so-called plan."

"It's going to be a thing of beauty." You cackle. "Every possible thing I could do to alienate the audience, I'll do. Second-person viewpoint? Check. Putting thoughts in the narrator's mind that the reader would never think? Check."

"Kindly tell me again," I say, rejoining the match in progress, "what's the closest that a meta story has ever gotten to a Writeoff medal?"

"Fourth-wall breaking, check. Meta, check. Obviously." You pause. "Should I add explaining the obvious to the list? Yes, I probably should."

"WALLHAX!" I suddenly scream at the screen, flinging the controller across the room with my alicorn magic as my midnight-blue avatar spirals to the ground amid a glowing red defeat message. I note the username of my killer. "xXx_ButtonMash_xXx" is SO going to get a spanking once I issue a royal requisition to the game admins for his IP address.

You tick off points with one eagle talon onto the stubby crocodile claws of your other hand. "Use of much-loathed fanon characters. Times-two combo chain, actually. Gratuitous insertion of irrelevant material to inject pony content. Incorrect description of a well-known canon character. Ooh! Ending the story with a feghoot. And while I'm at it, why don't I make the title a chain of the most rage-inducing memes possible?" You pause and type in the title box for a bit, and then your face splits into a wide grin. "Yes! And textual gimmicks!"

I turn off my monitor and let my forehead sink to my computer desk. "Kindly do not make me explain why this is a bad idea, because if you do not stop I am going to trot over there and pull the power cord on your computer before you can click 'Submit'."

"Joke's on you," you say, fiddling with textual gimmicks some more. "I'm on a laptop."


I fire up my horn and wrestle your computer away, hitting "Select All" and then stabbing the "Delete" button, which I notice a moment too late that your finger-snap has instead turned into "Automatically Transcribe This For Me". I growl, take a deep breath, and stare into your eyes as these words spool onto the screen. "Discord. I will not stand for this mockery of Writeoff traditions."

"Mockery?" You place a hand to your chest in mock affront, and then your grin returns. "Au contraire, mon cherry." I spit out a Maraschino and glare daggers as you coil around me. "You see, the most beautiful thing about this wreck of a story … is that it's completely serious. It's Crossing The Line Twice, plus or minus a trope. Underneath the deliberate provocation, it's an actual story with solid prompt use, stated goals which match its authorial characterization, and justification for all the annoyances."

I raise one eyebrow. "Completely serious? Do you mean to tell me that this self-described pile of steaming meta garbage is not a trollfic?"

You giggle. "Oh, dear me, no. But this is a genuine and legitimate entry — the trolling comes when they decide how to score it. It's a direct challenge to every single reader that way. Do they evaluate the story based on the way it executes on its self-stated goals, or on the knee-jerk reaction of their personal biases? And how do they justify the latter, if the story succeeds on its own terms?" Your giggle effortlessly morphs into a menacing laugh. "Maybe I can even get every single reader to N/A this story, and then we can create an edge case to troll Roger! Just imagine the headache of an entry that is literally unscorable!"

"Good luck with that, Discord." A smile spreads across my muzzle. "Because it seems to me you're forgetting one important thing."

You lift an eyebrow in one claw. "That being?"

"Your story necessarily identifies its own author," I say, glancing at the clock. "And there's no way you can rewrite it to maintain anonymity in the next … mmm. Ninety seconds."

You hold up one claw, mouth open, and pause.

"Oh," you say. "Fewmets."










P.S.: a feghoot
« Prev   27   Next »
#1 ·
· · >>pterrorgrine
I'm not sure if this one wants to be reviewed.

Alright, I chuckled at first. Started zoning out after a few paragraphs, because the novelty wore off. Not like it's the first meta-fic about the writeoff, but I give it credit for cranking this idea up to 11.

From this fic I learned that combining 1st and 2nd person at the same time is extremely disorienting. It's somewhat saved because the interaction between "you" and "I" is cute, with plenty of Discord gags.

So, do I do what it asks? ...... sure, I guess. better than throwing it randomly in the middle range of votes.
#2 ·
·
the trolling comes when they decide how to score it.


Joke's on you, this isn't even on my ballot.

Instead, I'll request that Roger implement Writeoff Gold just so I can gild this story for being absolutely memetastic. The TV Tropes link in particular was brilliant. I wasn't even close to expecting that.

Is it good? I really don't care, and I don't have to care, either. :D
#3 ·
·
Trying to fit all the dumb prompt memes in, eh?

"No, no," you say, cracking your knuckles and sitting down at your keyboard. "You don't understand. Cream, as they say, isn't the only thing that floats to the top."


Beautiful.

This was quite silly, but I think it kind of tangled its feet up in itself as it went on. It started out seeming like it was about humans, and then turned into Gamer Luna and Discord, and that was rather jarring. Moreover, while I appreciate the lengths it went to to be, uh, memetastic, it didn’t actually end up being as funny as I was hoping – it was very scattered, and consequently, it felt kind of hit-and-miss as it kept trying to one-up itself and sometimes it just felt like it was referencing memes rather than trying to use them in a funny way.
#4 ·
· · >>pterrorgrine
I actually stopped reading this halfway through. You spent more time on it than Rainbow Dash 15 Minutes Whatever, but what you added only makes it that much more annoying to read.

This is marginally cute, but intolerable. I'm sorry.
#5 ·
· · >>pterrorgrine
This isn’t on my ballot yet; I’m just reading it out of morbid curiosity.

It’s not really second-person perspective when there’s an “I” character.

Huh. I didn’t know url tags worked in Writeoff entries.

In any case, I genuinely, unapologetically loved this. Plus, now I can spite the author by scoring it. This definitely isn’t for everyone, but it hit all the right notes for me.
#6 ·
· · >>TheCyanRecluse
Send help: I've been sucked into the very conundrum that the story suggests we should be sucked into. There's a lot more going on here than mere trolling... I think? It's actually pretty well-written, for what it is. Or maybe, like War Games, the only way to win is not to play? But now the doggone thing is on my slate, and I have to do something with it...
#7 ·
·
>>Trick_Question
You spent more time on it than Rainbow Dash 15 Minutes Whatever, but what you added only makes it that much more annoying to read.

As it happens, I've only read "15 Minutes" and this so far, in that order. I sort of agree with you here, in that this one may have more going on, but because it was less immediately captivating, it didn't intrigue me as much. (But really, it's just that I love Rainbow Dash.)
#8 · 1
·
>>Haze
From this fic I learned that combining 1st and 2nd person at the same time is extremely disorienting.

I... might agree? I like it in principle but "disoriented" is a pretty good description of how I felt reading it.

>>FanOfMostEverything
It’s not really second-person perspective when there’s an “I” character.

The willingness to play with that is what I liked in principle about it. There's definitely neat stuff to be mined there. The only well-known example of this sort of viewpoint fuckery I can think of is Slaughterhouse Five, which is in Vonnegut's first-person perspective throughout but is about someone else and so reads as third-person, but I'm sure there are more pyrotechnic examples where an alien or someone with a weird psychological disorder somehow can't use first-person even though they're the narrator, and of course you get hiveminds saying "we" all the time. I'm sure there's fascinating stuff here.

(Ooh, Adam Cadre's Narcolepsy has a shift from standard IF second-person to first-person at the end of the cold open, complete with lampshade, but I never got any further than that.)
#9 ·
·
Is this memes?

As someone who loves memes myself, this speaks to me. Just because you use memes, doesn't mean you're a drooling idiot or something. You just think memes are funny and have a different sense of humor than others. This story is all silly style and hidden substance.

Thought it'd annoy me at first but I got the message and smiled in appreciation.
#10 ·
·
This is a nice little bit of pointless fun. I think it might drag on a little long. It was fine at the beginning, but I ended up skimming through most of the last third.
#11 ·
·
This is by far the best story I've read so far. It's also only the fourth story I've read, and none of the others impressed me very much. This one, at least, was amusing and did what it set out to.
There were just a few things that really bugged me here:
* I know you stole that joke about requisitioning Button Mash's IP from somewhere, but I can't remember where.
* You didn't try to hide any white text in the blank space at the end.
* I think "Fibrous Nuggets Ot EMOTION" would have been a better title.
#12 ·
·
Nothing much to add to what the other said, only that this surprised me. I usually don't care for meta-fics but this was entertaining.
#13 ·
·
Second person and meta. This is my cup of tea. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
#14 ·
· · >>Calipony >>horizon
I remembered that I never finished reading this story. So I just did that thing.

I regret having done so.

It's still getting 0%. It's very well-written, creative, and on-prompt, sort-of. It just isn't a good story, and the degree of annoyance it provokes makes me wish I hadn't read it. I don't think trollfics are interesting. You're just making fun of ponies who are worse writers than you are by making intentional mistakes, which is the worst brand of elitism. It's insulting and mean-spirited, and it isn't funny in any way. And saying in the fic that ponies who downvote it do so "for their personal biases" is a tired, cliche way of insulting anypony that doesn't upvote this stupid crap. I guess your bases are covered. :facehoof:

The fact that cliche tropes and garbage writing is intentional doesn't make it better, it makes it less forgivable. And if you're happy that I'm unhappy at having read this story, then buck you for finding entertainment in harming others.

All that said, the biggest problem is that the underlying story isn't interesting. I do actually appreciate the tremendous amount of technical skill that went into this, but it's still at the bottom of the pile because your story sucks. I'm (actually) sorry.
#15 ·
· · >>horizon >>Cold in Gardez >>horizon
>>Trick_Question
You're right Trick, I think the sentence in bad French is meant for me. It's a good way to make me realise how terrible I must sound in English. And I dearly apologise for that. I hope I will improve with time.

But well done, author!
#16 ·
·
Kinda had to follow the discussion over here from the cactus story. Author, I think you forgot one thing in your list of deliberate provocations: the bait-and-switch of turning this from a list of deliberate provocations into something that tried to have a point. Having that un-lampshaded annoyed me at least as much as any of the tropes you highlight.

... Which, I guess, is a win for you, isn't it? If this story didn't annoy me in some way then I wouldn't have to confront its dilemma. Well, its false dilemma. It seems to assume that knee-jerk bias and objectivity are the only two voting methods, but there's absolutely nothing in the Writeoff rules -- or contest scoring in general -- that requires us to set aside our preferences as we evaluate stories. Readers like me may try to factor more abstract things like theme and tone into their evaluation, but if everyone tried to set aside their personal reaction to a story in favor of "objective" factors, it would break the system; everyone voting personal preference turns story ranking into a straw-poll, but everyone voting up stories they disliked because "it didn't reach me, but I should give it points because other people might like it" would just lead to high scores for well-written stories with nobody in their target audience.

... which is the only way that this story would score highly. Oh! Suddenly that false dichotomy makes a lot more sense. :facehoof:

That said, if it's asking everyone to N/A it, then to me it reads as if the voting discussion is further trolling rather than score-seeking. Which is also why it doesn't feel like it's vote-shaming to me, >>Trick_Question. If I thought it was vote-shaming, I'd throw it in the basement, because low votes are not only a legitimate method of expressing personal preference, they're the only method we have; despite its technically solid prose and construction, I personally voted "Funeral For A Friend" in my bottom three for exactly that reason (cf. >>horizon). But here, I don't feel like it's a reprehensible story (and the fact that you do is a totally legitimate reason to 0% it).

Anyway, based on how I would have voted my N/A would not improve its overall standing, so for any number of reasons, my most reasonable step is to accede to its request.

Tier: Flawed but "Fun"
#17 ·
· · >>horizon
Just to be on the safe side:

Everypony, please keep in mind that Trixie gripes tend to be exaggerated. When I sound livid with something, I'm probably only mildly bothered. I don't hate whoever wrote this, and I don't want them to go choke on a bag of buy some apples. I just can't bring myself to move it higher than the stories from authors with low technical ability that actually tried their hardest to tell me something.
#18 ·
· · >>Trick_Question >>Calipony
>>Calipony
I didn't read the bad French as an attack on you, and I'm going to be very disappointed in the author if it was. (I'm not seeing any sign in the rest of the story of them singling out any other Writeoff participants -- most of the problems Discord highlights are storytelling decisions that frustrate large portions of readers or otherwise limit your audience but can still lead to a satisfying story if done well, and other often-misused aspects like text gimmicks and prompt drops are hardly unique to any individual author.)

Thing is: "au contraire" is an English phrase too, pulled in as a loaner from French. In English it has the same meaning as French but it carries overtones of pretentiousness or erudition, which seems to fit the situation Discord uses it in (to beat back an accusation of not taking this seriously). And "mon cherry" is probably just a stupid pun on French "cheri" and the cherry fruit, tied in with the sight gag of the Maraschino cherry Luna spits out.

But whatever this author's intentions, you absolutely shouldn't feel bad.
#19 ·
· · >>horizon
>>horizon
:trixieshiftleft: You wrote this, didn't you horizon? :pinkiehappy:
#20 ·
· · >>Trick_Question
>>Trick_Question
Just so we're clear: I am absolutely not trying to shame you for your opinion. When I said "If I thought it was vote-shaming, I'd throw it in the basement," I was trying to say that you have a right to make that judgment and act accordingly, but to explain that my own reaction was different. I've disagreed with practically everyone here this round over some question of textual interpretation, but I'm no authority, and it's pretty clear that there are some things I'm just going to miss. (See: Fluttershy and the cactuses.)

This is pretty much just to say that I hope we're cool.

>>Trick_Question
Don't be silly, I wouldn't break my Writeoff silence on a round I promised not to enter just to drop in a deliberately provocative trollfic!

... Wait, no, that's exactly the sort of stupid stunt I'd pull. :V I wish I *had* written this instead of my entry.
#21 ·
· · >>horizon
>>horizon
Of course we're cool. You are very nice, and you're also the best author who shares enough of my personality traits for me to connect with psychologically. :V
#22 ·
· · >>Calipony
>>Calipony

I viewed the French as a pun, not a personal attack on any writers. "Au contraire mon cheri," is sometimes used in English conversations.
#23 ·
·
I felt a great disturbance in the Writeoff, as if dozens of ponies had suddenly cried ot in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I warned you all this would happen! Oh well, they'll make more of them.

Anyway, now that Writeoff has gotten that fibrous nugget ot of its system, we can all finally relax and write stories that everyone will love equally. :trollestia:

Finally I must add (yes I must):
Every possible thing I could do to alienate the audience, I'll do.

Clearly you left out the most intrinsically vile, flat, boring, and emptiness-defining black hole of literary human caricatures: Anon. This is so obvious a miss that it's clearly deliberate! No doubt it was your plan to achieve our awareness of this by its flagrant omission from this story.

Well-played, you horrible person.
#24 ·
·
>>horizon
>>Cold in Gardez
Well, you know, Trick saw in this fic a bad joke against unskilled authors, and since I don't especially have a high esteem neither of me nor of what I write, it was easy to take this particular fragment as targeting me personally. I'm a bit on the self-lashing side, but I guess you had noticed :|
#25 ·
·
>>CoffeeMinion
I agree with absolutely everything you just wrote. O.o

It starts off stupid and annoying, then get's deep, but pretentious... And still annoying. Yet it's also really clever, because it correctly predicts the readers (or at least my) reactions and responses... It's horrible, but it's intentionally horrible in a rather clever, thought provoking way... Or at least a conversation provoking way...

It's definitely not top contender material... But at the same time, it deserves some recognition, so it [i]probably[i] doesn't belong on the bottom of my slate... And Abstaining on it seems like a cop out...

Why did you [i]write[i] this thing, you MONSTER?!? O.o
#26 ·
· · >>Southpaw >>Trick_Question >>Calipony
... And this is the point of the competition at which I'm forced to awkwardly reveal that I failed to not enter this round twice.

>>Trick_Question
You are totally allowed to revise the "We're cool" bit now. :V But this was NOT intended as an attack on any individual authors, and DEFINITELY not >>Calipony. The French was just written for the bilingual sight-gag, because Discord does things like that.

As I noted above, the majority of the annoyances above are writing choices that do not necessarily lead to poor stories, they're just associated with writing that tends to frustrate general audiences. I'm guilty myself of at least half of them, in one Writeoff or another.

Maybe more later if I decide this is worth a retrospective.
#27 ·
·
>>horizon Considering the source (Discord), were you thinking of this with the "Au contraire..." line? It certainly fits.

https://youtu.be/Ke_AkJC92IA
#28 ·
·
>>horizon
I totally guessed you! :pinkiehappy: You made it too obvious with the wording in your response to apologize to Calipony (not that I wouldn't have done the same, mind you). You are too sweet to have done otherwise, even though I think it was obvious you were not targeting anypony or actually attempting to insult any specific writers. But what clinched it was the follow-up on another story (that wasn't yours) where you made the same joke, suggesting you were trying to mask that this one actually was your story. :trollestia:

Plus, the writing is superb, as we have all come to expect from you. :twilightsmile:

I didn't care for the story, but sometimes stories are like movies: if you go into them with certain expectations, you might hate something you'd otherwise have loved. I suspect this is one of those situations where I had mood bias trotting into the text. I can see myself in an AU ranking this story in the top third.
#29 ·
· · >>Morning Sun >>CoffeeMinion
>>horizon
Don't worry Horizon. I know you wouldn't do that. And anyway, since you gave me a S tier to Sunday Ride, I can forgive anything. You're just my hero.

See you in two weeks, officially this time.
#30 ·
· · >>CoffeeMinion
>>Calipony
Is this a Whinny City thing? Because if so someone should make a thread in the WO forum for it.
#31 ·
·
>>Morning Sun
>>Calipony
Are you guys talking about WCPC in two weeks?

Additional side discussion/PMs may be in order.