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Sleep's Embrace
There's only one who never sleeps. She wasn't in Canterlot, home of the eternal princesses, nor in Manehatten the city that never blinks, but in small unremarkable village called Ponyville. Her mornings were spent making breakfast for her sister—fresh toast, sliced cucumbers, apple squares, and a bowl of oats and raisins. Sometimes there would be a bowl of begonias, sometimes a glass of lemonade. Her sister never gave much thought or showed an ounce of gratitude. Instead, she would take a few nibbles, possibly share her latest concern in life and them rush off to school. Meanwhile, Rarity would unserve, wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, have a quick bite of her own, then start working. The entire day she would toil on fashion design, always making time should a friend come asking for help—a dress, some advice, or a shoulder to cry on. She would then then prepare dinner—aubergines with carrot garnish, a salad of freshly picked daisies, a pitcher of apple juice, and two servings of strawberry ice cream. Finally, once the diner was over, after she had washed the dishes, tucked her sister in, and groomed her cat, she would quietly go to her room, dim the lights, and spend the whole night working on new fashion designs... never resting a wink.
A day of sleeplessness isn't much for a pony to handle. Almost all have gone through that, from schoolfillies to the princesses themselves. There are some who have gone on for days, possibly a week, rushing to keep deadlines, but only one manages to remain awake for months on end: Rarity. The name itself describes her well: unique, exceptional, extraordinary, out of this world, yet of it. In all of Equestria there isn't, nor has there ever been, a creature such as her. In all of Equestria never has anyone rejected me so...
The clock chirped seven. Rarity gave it a shoulder glance then went back to her design. She had spent the last three nights doing and redoing her latest masterpiece—a summer outfit for none other but the Princess of Love herself.
The poor things looks simply ghastly, Rarity had thought during the last visit to the Crystal Empire. Those baggy eyes, that messy mane, and her wardrobe is simply atrocious! No, for the sake of the Crystal Empire, and Equestrian fashion as a whole, I'll take it on myself to correct this atrocity! Right after I finish with my backlog of orders.
The latest version of the design was simple, yet elegant; lite, yet stylish; ideal to allow her enjoy the new moments of freedom motherhood permitted her.
Just a few more lines. Ruler and pencil levitated slightly to the left, completing the final touches with scary proficiency. Do world of haute couture would find the final product enchanting beyond compare, sadly Rarity had no time to admire her work. A brush of makeup to cover the bags under her eyes, she rushed to the kitchen.
"Meow," an annoyed white cat greeted her at the base of the staircase. Giving her an indignant look, the feline turned around with an unspoken humph, then demonstratively went to her milk bowl and started licking her paw.
"Why, Opalescence, I'll certainly fetch you a bowl of warmed milk, just as soon as—" A deathly glare from the feline made her stop. "Of course, I could do both at the same time," the pony offered with a smile.
The white feline frowned more, considered the offer, then closed her eyes indignantly and continued licking her paw. Rarity let a sigh of relief. Thank you for the compromise, Opal, she thought as she trotted by the cat and into the kitchen. I'll be sure to fetch you some extra cream for your understanding.
The never noticed the care it was receiving, nor did anypony that received Rarity's help. They were always occupied by their own devices. The mare never cared.
I do hope the turnips are fresh. Vegetables, dishes, and table utensils started floating about. This sets of sandwiches formed: butter, carrots, and rose petals for school as well as turnip-carrot melange with mayonnaise for breakfast. Nothing sweet—Rarity knew that her sister was spending too much time in Sugarcube Corner anyway.
I might make a note to visit Twilight today. Warm slices of bread—triangular, naturally— were arranged on the spotless plate. I could definitely use some magic to help me with my work schedule. Why are there so few days in the week, I really don't know.
"Mmmrow!" An annoyed sound came from the living room.
"Just a moment, darling." Rarity whisked a bowl of cream, added a pinch of sugar, then levitated it to her hungry feline. "And please be careful not to dirty your lovely fur." An akin to a grumble confirmed that the cat had been appeased and would take her request into consideration.
Well, Rarity chuckled behind a hoof. That's one content customer.
"Hello, Rarity!" Sweetie Belle rushed into the room, sitting at the table, seconds after it was set.
"Good morning, Sweetie Belle." The mare smiled. "I trust you have tended to your teeth and mane? Good hygiene is of vital importance for a young lady such as yourself."
"Huh? Oh, yes," Sweetie Belle replied absentmindedly taking a bite from the rose petal sandwich.
Oh, Sweetie Belle. That was supposed to be your lunch. We both know you'll never eat something as common as turnip-melange at school. Oh, well. Guess I'll have to make some more.
"Rarity, am I ugly?" Sweetie Belle asked, causing Rarity almost to drop a dish.
"Wha?" She looked at her her sister, eyes wide with panic. Is it that time already? You're still too young to be thinking about such things! Then again, when I was your age...
"Photo day is this week, and Miss Cheerilee said that I can't be in the front row anymore." The filly took another bite from the sandwich then bashed aside. "Diamond Tiara said that it's because only the beautiful ponies are in front."
"Oh, hogwash!" Thank the stars! Of course it would be because of photo day. What was I thinking? "Sweetie Belle, ponies are arranged based on height, not beauty." She went to her sister and patted her gently on the head. "You've simply grown taller. There's nothing to concern yourself with."
"Oooh" Sweetie bell pulled the plate with the sandwich back and took another bite. "But can I put on some makeup on, just in case?"
Not again. Rarity rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, we've discussed this. You are beautiful as it is without needing to resort to makeup."
"You use makeup." Sweetie Belle narrowed her eyes.
"Sweetie Belle, it's just that—" rarity stopped. She funny want to explain that the reason she wore makeup, the real reason, was to hide her lack of sleep from Equestria. "It's just that as refined as I am, I'm not as nearly as beautiful as you."
The filly filled her head. Compliments such as this were uncommon for Rarity, nearly always followed by a 'but' or 'except.'
"I guess," Sweetie Belle said, tapping her chin with her forehoof.
"Of course you are!" Rarity packed her sister's lunch neatly in a paper bag, then levitated it to her. "Now go—" The mare's attention fell on an ivory white letter on the table, which hadn't been there only a second ago. Rarity was certain of that—she remembered the precise arrangement of the table and there most certainly wasn't anything in that particular spot. "Sweetie Belle, did you leave that letter there?"
"Huh?" The filly looked at the envelope. A glint of confusion flashed in her eyes. Sweetie Belle surrounded the letter with her magic, but before she could levitate it, a stronger magic took hold.
"I'll take that," Rarity said sharply. "Now please get your saddlebag ready. You don't want to be late for your class photo."
With a sigh and a grown Sweetie Belle trotted out of the kitchen, her breakfast barely touched. Rarity waited to be certain she was alone, then looked at the envelope. Unlike most she had seen, this was perfectly white, unblemished by stamp or a dress. Isn't this peculiar? She thought, then opened it. A piece of paper no larger than a card was inside.
"Oh my." Blood rush to Rarity's cheeks, giving them a slightly pinkish tint. This wasn't the first love letter she had received, nor was it the best, but definitely the most unusual. "Sweetie Belle," the mare shouted loudly, putting the letter on the table.
"What?" A reply came from outside the kitchen. "I'm getting ready!"
And sneaking into my room again to put on some makeup, I'm sure, Rarity though. "Was the letter on the table yours?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, never mind, darling. Just be careful with the mascara. We don't want you to look like a clown on photo day." That should get her to think twice. Rarity smiled, then returned her attention to the letter. "So you're a mystery," she said sliding her hoof over its surface. "Yet, you'll have to wait for another day. I'm behind on Cadence's dress, and my Manehatten order is due by the end of the week. I simply have no time to waste on frivolities."
The routine continued. Rarity put the uneaten food in the fridge, washed the dishes, went to check on Opalescence—who by now was sleeping peacefully next to her bowl of cream—then started working on her latest latest dress. Five minutes in, Sweetie Belle, galloped by and with as little as a goodbye left the boutique. Rarity sighed.
You forgot your lunch again, little sister. She placed the final ruby gem on the outfit. I'll have to go through your school again. And maybe I'll also go visit Twilight.
"There!" Rarity levitated the dress onto a mannequin. It seemed just as fine as all her other designs, if a bit more pompous than her usual work, but such was the request. "Only three more to go. I just need to..." Rarity yawned.
For a moment it seemed she would give in to sleep's gentle touch. It had been weeks since she had taken even a wink of sleep. If anypony deserved it it was her. But still, she brushed it away with the shake of her head.
"No, no, Rarity, you have ponies relying on you!" she said loudly. "Once the order is done, and Cadence's dress is complete you could sleep all the time you want. Until then, you'll have to put up with this minor inconvenience."
Minor inconvenience. The world seemed strange even more when spoken out loud. The mare had said the same thing a month ago. It had started as a temporary measure to help her make a deadline, and had never ended. No matter how much she worked something would always come up—a friend in need, a new deadline, a friendship emergency, forcing her to remain awake just one more day.
"This is nothing more than a temporary rough patch," the mare continued, trying to convince herself. "Everypony has them." Another yawn, this time longer. " Her eyes closed. For the slightest of moments she surrendered, letting sleep take her away.
"No pain, no hurt," a voice whispered in Rarity's ear. "Only dreaming..."
The unicorn's head tilted forward, legs relaxing, bringing her off balance. At that precise moment her body's natural reflexes kicked in. Rarity's head whipped up, her tail flicked twice restoring her to a modicum of awareness.
"A proper lady does not fall asleep during work hours," she stated stifling a yawn. "What would ponies think if they saw you in such an abysmally horrendous state?" Opal let out an annoyed hiss. Unlike Rarity, the feline disliked her sleep being disturbed. Rarity, of course, disliked disturbing her pet. "Yes, yes, you are quite right, Opal. I need to go to Twilight immediately. I'll just finish one more—"
The boutique door swung open, followed by a thunder of hooves.
"Rarity!" Pink hooves grabbed her before the mare could even blink. "It's an emergency!"
"Huh?" Rarity managed to say, before the pink menace stuck her face in hers.
"I'll say it's huh! Lyra told me that Minuette told her that Fancy Pants asked her if I could organize his son's cuteseñera," the new arrival splurged out. "Which is easy, because I'm the best party planner in Ponyville, but I've only done a few good parties outside Ponyville, and thus party needs to be extra-mega-special, and in order for it to be extra-mega-special, I—"
"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity hissed pushing the pink pony away. "I am in the middle of some very important—"
"I know, silly," Pinkie laughed. Rarity's eye twitched. Pinkie Pie was difficult to deal with at the best of times, let alone days away from a deadline.
Pinkie Pike, I appreciate your confidence, but now really isn't the best time! Rarity wanted to say. I am way behind schedule as it is, and I promised to go to the spa with Fluttershy this afternoon, not to mention my urgent visit to Twilight. Instead, the unicorn smiled. Coughed politely and took a step back.
"What exactly is the nature of the emergency, Pinkie Pie?" Rarity said with the utmost politeness. "I hope it's not another of your confetti throwing... performances." A slight frown crept on her face.
"Nah." The pink pony waved a hoof. "I just need a dress to be allowed in his home." Pinkie dashed next to Rarity her muzzle almost touching the unicorn's ear. "He insisted on it," she whispered Pinkie style.
"Oh." Well, it's hardly surprising, keeping in mind the reputation Fancy Pants must uphold, Rarity thought. At the very least Pinkie Pie would need an appropriate vest, maybe an elegant dress as well, though not too formal. Possibly something in an elegant white with a touch of pink fir character and— What am I thinking?! I can't possibly find the time for this. I have three costumes to finish, not to mention Cadence's dress, and I was hoping to finally craft something for Rainbow Dash, which is a challenge in itself. "Well, Pinkie Pie, as much as I would live to help you with your endeavor, I simple cannot—"
"A-ha?" Pinkie Pie looked at her, eyes wide with anticipation.
"—finish it earlier than tomorrow morning." Rarity's smile stretched.
"Really?" Pinkie Pie's mane puffed up even more.
"Yes. I—"
"Really??" Pinkie Pie shoved her muzzle against Rarity's.
"Yes..." Rarity made an attempt to pull back.
"Really???"
"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity shouted. Her friend instantly froze. That was very unladylike of me. Pinkie Pie is not to blame for my overcrowded schedule. And I can't just refuse a dear friend. "I understand you are executed, darling, but please give me some space to breathe. Just come tomorrow morning and the dress will be ready."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, then hopped out of the boutique. She didn't say a word in thanks, she didn't offer anything in exchange. Rarity didn't seem to care, she had a new dress to design.
If I make two dresses at once, that might leave me enough time to work on Pinkie's outfit, she considered. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but nothing that she hadn't done before. Of course, it would go much better if Rarity could cast another Insomnia spell on her. The mare knew full well it was unhealthy to replace sleep with magic—even if it was Alicorn magic—but there were times in which she needed a slight boost.
"Right!" Rarity said, heading for the stairs. "I better get—" Her hoof tripped. Rarity's entire body lost balance, starting its tumble to the floor. Her head went straight towards the edge of the staircase, landing in a wavy cloud of softness instead.
I watched her lie still, eyes wide as saucers with confusion, as she floated in the cloud of mane—my mane—and then I said "Hello."
Rarity fainted.
I felt Rarity budge. Even fainted she had rejected me, isolating herself in a corner of her mind where she kept thinking about work. So stubborn. Thirty minutes of being knocked out and her attitude hadn't changed. Worse than a dragon mule.
"Where, huh?" She said, looking around co fixed. I felt her poke my mane with her hoof, trying to determine the material. I could see her thoughts, considering if she could make into fabric for one of her designs.
"Hello, Rarity," I said coldly, shrinking my mane to normal pony size. I didn't want to hurt her, but was also too upset to grant her any comfort. Since she rejected me, the floor was a perfectly fine spot for her to lay on.
Who are you? Where am I? She looked around in near panic. This must be a dream. Yes, I'm just having another—
"You haven't dreamt in months, Rarity." I didn't turn sound to face her. "You haven't slept in months." I sounded more hurt that I should have. There was no reason for her, a simple pony, to invoke such feelings in me... and yet, she did.
"Excuse me?" I felt her come back to her senses. Remarkably fast, considering what was happening. "It is generally impolite to discuss a lady's sleep." Pride mixed with a touch of guilt. "And I would have you know that I have been sleeping just fine. Well, maybe my schedule has been a bit on the unstable side for the last few days, but—"
"You haven't slept in ninety-one days," I stated. Despite myself I turned around to look her in the face. "And fourteen hours." I added out of spite.
I expected her to respond with one of her snarky comebacks. Stars, I had seen her do that so many times I had lost count. She didn't. Instead, her expression changed from anger to concern. As she looked at me with her large sad eyes, I felt something inside me tingle.
"Have you been crying?" Rarity asked, her voice ringing with tender concern.
"No." I looked aside, extending my mane so as to cover my face. How dare she! She rejects me all this time, and now she dares act concerned?!
"Darling, if something has happened, it's best to let others know." I felt her hoof on my shoulder. Her touch made me tremble. This was the first time a pony... a creature had touched me. "Why don't you sit down? I'll make a nice cup of cocoa and we could discuss everything."
I never expected this. I had spent weeks planning this conversation, weeks playing through me confronting her. I thought I had gone through every detail. One minute in her presence and I could see how wrong I was.
"You're too generous," I said, trying not to pout.
"Darling, please," she laughed, making her way to the kitchen. "It's the least I could do—"
"For rejecting me?" I asked. Instantly I felt like biting my lip. It was a horrible thing to say, especially to her. Yes, she had done that to me, and yes, I was upset, but I had also grown to— My mane glowed pink.
"Rejecting you?" Rarity turned around, confusion on her face. "Darling, if I have done so, I am truly sorry, but I don't believe we have met." She took a few steps forward, each making me feel uneasy. "Was in Manehattan during fashion week? Or maybe Canterlot?"
"I'm Sleep," I sighed.
"Oooh. Sleep!" She nodded. I could see her mind desperately try to remember me. Naturally she wouldn't—she had never seen me. Nopony had. Since the beginning of time I had no reason to make my presence known. My only task was to take beings into the realm of dreams. It was easy. Even the most stubborn succumbed to my charms... until Rarity.
"I am Sleep," I repeated, my voice slightly more authoritative. "The same you have been avoiding for the last three months."
"Darling, it is nice you think so highly of me, but—"
Before she could finish, I extended my mane, filling the room with yellowy-pink strands of hair. With little effort I chopped her, her mannequins, cat, tables, and everything else up in the air. That brought me some small satisfaction—watching Rarity gasp at my powers, seeing the confusion that went through her mind. I kept her there for a full five seconds, before I let her down again.
You're really sleep? I heard her think.
"Yes, I am."
Have I really been skipping sleep for that month? I could have sworn that I had a nice long rest only a few days ago, right after I finished—
"No, you haven't!" I stopped on the floor with my hoof. Why did I do that? I wasn't supposed to get upset. "You only allowed a slight embrace before pushing me away and going back to your stupid dresses!" Stupid? Why did I use that word? For some reason it felt right.
"Well, now!" She huffed, raising her chin. "If you're going to be uncivilized about it, you might as well leave."
"I don't want to leave!" I felt tears of sand roll down my face. "I just..." I sniffed. Why can't I think of any words to any? It's this stupid pony form! It must be! I was perfect! Everyone loved me! "Every night I'd come to you. I was there in your time of need. When everyone, even your closest friends, ignore you, I was there. They took you for granted, I didn't! And you still never let me help you. A few hours. That's all I asked. Just a few hours with me..." I was staring at the floor. Drops of sand fell down, making forming piles.
She didn't say anything. I expected to feel contempt, I expected to hear ridicule.
"Tell you what, let's sit on the couch," Rarity said. "I know I have a busy schedule, but I could spend a few minutes to talk things out."
"Okay," I sniffed. Even just now she was rejecting me.
We walked to her couch—soft red velvet. I lay down first, taking two thirds of it. Rarity sat beside me. Her discomfort was apparent, yet her family held firm.
"So, how was your day today?" She asked casually. I looked at her. Was thus the oath she wanted to take? Talk about trivialities until I left again? "Hmm, I suppose that was a stupid question." She tapped her chin with a hoof, deep in thought. "What I really wanted to ask was what Bering sleep really is like."
She was lying. What she really wanted to know was why I showed interest in her. Despite all her generosity, Rarity still remained a vain mare. Vain in a good way.
"I first noticed you when you skipped a week," I said quietly. "During your autumn collection frenzy. It was the guest time in a while since a pony lasted that long."
"Oh, don't remind me, darling." Rarity cringed. "Tireless night of coming up with the perfect design, and for what? An honorable mention. I thought I would die of shame."
"You did," I nodded. "Then spent the next two days locked in your room eating ice cream."
"Weeeell, I might have indulged in a few spoonfuls," she said evasively, her cheeks turning slightly pink. The reaction made me smile. "We all have our dark moments." My smile vanished. Everyone had their dark moments, and mine was now.
"I tried to hug you then, to give you the reward you deserved." My voice was weaker than before. This was not at all the light I wanted her to see me in. I was supposed to be powerful, authoritative. "Instead you ran to Twilight and tricked her into casting an insomnia spell on you."
Rarity said nothing. In her mind I could see she understood exactly what she had done. So, this is what you meant? Each time I rejected sleep, I rejected you. Every night I spent working to make a deadline, I hurt you...
"Sorry, darling, I didn't know..."
"At first I took it as a challenge." I didn't want to stop. Something urged me to say it all, regardless of the consequences. If anypony should see me in my darkest hour, it was her. "I teased you, I kissed you, I wrapped you in my mane, waiting for you to succumb, but you never did. Despite everything, I couldn't seduce you." I must have seemed pathetic, because I felt Rarity place her hoof on my back. "Each time I would come close something would happen. A telegram would come announcing a new contest, or a friend would rush in, crying for you to make a dress in a day, or your cat would start screaming for attention, your sister as well..."
"Yes, they do tend to be rather demanding," Rarity interjected. Her thoughts made me crack a smile through the tears. She was unconsciously trying to determine which was a greater nuisance: Opalescence or Sweetie Belle. It was a tough call to make.
"After a month, only had eyes for you. I would always be nearby, there but invisible, close but so far away." I sniffed. "I wanted to embrace you, to be with you, yet you never tired."
"Please, darling, you're making me blush," she laughed, trying to brush it off, but I knew it was no presence.
"You never tired," I repeated. "Never ever. I was there. I watched, and waited, and hoped, and..." I couldn't force myself to say it. For once I wished that Rarity could read minds. I felt so powerless. I put every creature in Equestria to sleep and I felt powerless! Tears started rolling down, like rivers of sand. "You really messed things up, Rarity..."
"Well, I..." Rarity stopped. For a single instant both her voice and mind went silent. There was nothing she could say to that. How could she possibly comprehend the consequences to her actions? She, a mortal mare, had made me want something to such an extent I had gained form in the physical world. "You sent the letter, didn't you?" She asked, her hooves stroking my mane in an attempt to make me feel better. "You wanted me to notice you."
I turned around and looked at her. I didn't need words to let her know that was the case.
"Darling..." She let out a bittersweet sigh. "I really a, touched by all of this, honestly, but I just have so much work... I didn't mean to act this way, I truly love my sleep. It's just that circumstances, being what they are, make it impossible."
My head dropped on the couch. Rejected again, just as I knew I would be. She cared, yet not enough. Sleep always took a backseat to the trivialities of daily life. At least I got to have a conversation with her.
"Still—" I felt her head rest on my side. The sensation made my mane twirl. "—I suppose I could spend five minutes with you. After all, you did take time from your busy schedule just to come here..."
I smiled. You never change, Rarity. You always find time to help anyone who asks, constantly at the expense of yourself.
"Rarity..." I whispered, as she finally embraced me, after all this time.
It was morning when Rarity woke up. Stretching with a healthy yawn, she opened a sleepy eye, then closed it back again. A few moments were spent in painless bliss, after which the pressures of deadlines kicked in. Her mind exploded with tasks, times, and dates. Still she didn't immediately
jump to her hooves. Like any lady, she got off her couch with dignity, made a few steps, then looked around.
"Sleep?" she asked. There was no response. "Sleep, are you still upset with me? Truly, this is no way to behave. I admit that I have been neglecting you, but I did make an effort to—"
She stopped. On the floor, by her hoof, lay was a single white piece of paper.
A day of sleeplessness isn't much for a pony to handle. Almost all have gone through that, from schoolfillies to the princesses themselves. There are some who have gone on for days, possibly a week, rushing to keep deadlines, but only one manages to remain awake for months on end: Rarity. The name itself describes her well: unique, exceptional, extraordinary, out of this world, yet of it. In all of Equestria there isn't, nor has there ever been, a creature such as her. In all of Equestria never has anyone rejected me so...
The clock chirped seven. Rarity gave it a shoulder glance then went back to her design. She had spent the last three nights doing and redoing her latest masterpiece—a summer outfit for none other but the Princess of Love herself.
The poor things looks simply ghastly, Rarity had thought during the last visit to the Crystal Empire. Those baggy eyes, that messy mane, and her wardrobe is simply atrocious! No, for the sake of the Crystal Empire, and Equestrian fashion as a whole, I'll take it on myself to correct this atrocity! Right after I finish with my backlog of orders.
The latest version of the design was simple, yet elegant; lite, yet stylish; ideal to allow her enjoy the new moments of freedom motherhood permitted her.
Just a few more lines. Ruler and pencil levitated slightly to the left, completing the final touches with scary proficiency. Do world of haute couture would find the final product enchanting beyond compare, sadly Rarity had no time to admire her work. A brush of makeup to cover the bags under her eyes, she rushed to the kitchen.
"Meow," an annoyed white cat greeted her at the base of the staircase. Giving her an indignant look, the feline turned around with an unspoken humph, then demonstratively went to her milk bowl and started licking her paw.
"Why, Opalescence, I'll certainly fetch you a bowl of warmed milk, just as soon as—" A deathly glare from the feline made her stop. "Of course, I could do both at the same time," the pony offered with a smile.
The white feline frowned more, considered the offer, then closed her eyes indignantly and continued licking her paw. Rarity let a sigh of relief. Thank you for the compromise, Opal, she thought as she trotted by the cat and into the kitchen. I'll be sure to fetch you some extra cream for your understanding.
The never noticed the care it was receiving, nor did anypony that received Rarity's help. They were always occupied by their own devices. The mare never cared.
I do hope the turnips are fresh. Vegetables, dishes, and table utensils started floating about. This sets of sandwiches formed: butter, carrots, and rose petals for school as well as turnip-carrot melange with mayonnaise for breakfast. Nothing sweet—Rarity knew that her sister was spending too much time in Sugarcube Corner anyway.
I might make a note to visit Twilight today. Warm slices of bread—triangular, naturally— were arranged on the spotless plate. I could definitely use some magic to help me with my work schedule. Why are there so few days in the week, I really don't know.
"Mmmrow!" An annoyed sound came from the living room.
"Just a moment, darling." Rarity whisked a bowl of cream, added a pinch of sugar, then levitated it to her hungry feline. "And please be careful not to dirty your lovely fur." An akin to a grumble confirmed that the cat had been appeased and would take her request into consideration.
Well, Rarity chuckled behind a hoof. That's one content customer.
"Hello, Rarity!" Sweetie Belle rushed into the room, sitting at the table, seconds after it was set.
"Good morning, Sweetie Belle." The mare smiled. "I trust you have tended to your teeth and mane? Good hygiene is of vital importance for a young lady such as yourself."
"Huh? Oh, yes," Sweetie Belle replied absentmindedly taking a bite from the rose petal sandwich.
Oh, Sweetie Belle. That was supposed to be your lunch. We both know you'll never eat something as common as turnip-melange at school. Oh, well. Guess I'll have to make some more.
"Rarity, am I ugly?" Sweetie Belle asked, causing Rarity almost to drop a dish.
"Wha?" She looked at her her sister, eyes wide with panic. Is it that time already? You're still too young to be thinking about such things! Then again, when I was your age...
"Photo day is this week, and Miss Cheerilee said that I can't be in the front row anymore." The filly took another bite from the sandwich then bashed aside. "Diamond Tiara said that it's because only the beautiful ponies are in front."
"Oh, hogwash!" Thank the stars! Of course it would be because of photo day. What was I thinking? "Sweetie Belle, ponies are arranged based on height, not beauty." She went to her sister and patted her gently on the head. "You've simply grown taller. There's nothing to concern yourself with."
"Oooh" Sweetie bell pulled the plate with the sandwich back and took another bite. "But can I put on some makeup on, just in case?"
Not again. Rarity rolled her eyes. "Sweetie, we've discussed this. You are beautiful as it is without needing to resort to makeup."
"You use makeup." Sweetie Belle narrowed her eyes.
"Sweetie Belle, it's just that—" rarity stopped. She funny want to explain that the reason she wore makeup, the real reason, was to hide her lack of sleep from Equestria. "It's just that as refined as I am, I'm not as nearly as beautiful as you."
The filly filled her head. Compliments such as this were uncommon for Rarity, nearly always followed by a 'but' or 'except.'
"I guess," Sweetie Belle said, tapping her chin with her forehoof.
"Of course you are!" Rarity packed her sister's lunch neatly in a paper bag, then levitated it to her. "Now go—" The mare's attention fell on an ivory white letter on the table, which hadn't been there only a second ago. Rarity was certain of that—she remembered the precise arrangement of the table and there most certainly wasn't anything in that particular spot. "Sweetie Belle, did you leave that letter there?"
"Huh?" The filly looked at the envelope. A glint of confusion flashed in her eyes. Sweetie Belle surrounded the letter with her magic, but before she could levitate it, a stronger magic took hold.
"I'll take that," Rarity said sharply. "Now please get your saddlebag ready. You don't want to be late for your class photo."
With a sigh and a grown Sweetie Belle trotted out of the kitchen, her breakfast barely touched. Rarity waited to be certain she was alone, then looked at the envelope. Unlike most she had seen, this was perfectly white, unblemished by stamp or a dress. Isn't this peculiar? She thought, then opened it. A piece of paper no larger than a card was inside.
You say you want us to be together.
I wait for you you, and yet you hide.
You could embrace me but you don't.
I come to you in the darkest hour,
And you reject me all the same.
"Oh my." Blood rush to Rarity's cheeks, giving them a slightly pinkish tint. This wasn't the first love letter she had received, nor was it the best, but definitely the most unusual. "Sweetie Belle," the mare shouted loudly, putting the letter on the table.
"What?" A reply came from outside the kitchen. "I'm getting ready!"
And sneaking into my room again to put on some makeup, I'm sure, Rarity though. "Was the letter on the table yours?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, never mind, darling. Just be careful with the mascara. We don't want you to look like a clown on photo day." That should get her to think twice. Rarity smiled, then returned her attention to the letter. "So you're a mystery," she said sliding her hoof over its surface. "Yet, you'll have to wait for another day. I'm behind on Cadence's dress, and my Manehatten order is due by the end of the week. I simply have no time to waste on frivolities."
The routine continued. Rarity put the uneaten food in the fridge, washed the dishes, went to check on Opalescence—who by now was sleeping peacefully next to her bowl of cream—then started working on her latest latest dress. Five minutes in, Sweetie Belle, galloped by and with as little as a goodbye left the boutique. Rarity sighed.
You forgot your lunch again, little sister. She placed the final ruby gem on the outfit. I'll have to go through your school again. And maybe I'll also go visit Twilight.
"There!" Rarity levitated the dress onto a mannequin. It seemed just as fine as all her other designs, if a bit more pompous than her usual work, but such was the request. "Only three more to go. I just need to..." Rarity yawned.
For a moment it seemed she would give in to sleep's gentle touch. It had been weeks since she had taken even a wink of sleep. If anypony deserved it it was her. But still, she brushed it away with the shake of her head.
"No, no, Rarity, you have ponies relying on you!" she said loudly. "Once the order is done, and Cadence's dress is complete you could sleep all the time you want. Until then, you'll have to put up with this minor inconvenience."
Minor inconvenience. The world seemed strange even more when spoken out loud. The mare had said the same thing a month ago. It had started as a temporary measure to help her make a deadline, and had never ended. No matter how much she worked something would always come up—a friend in need, a new deadline, a friendship emergency, forcing her to remain awake just one more day.
"This is nothing more than a temporary rough patch," the mare continued, trying to convince herself. "Everypony has them." Another yawn, this time longer. " Her eyes closed. For the slightest of moments she surrendered, letting sleep take her away.
"No pain, no hurt," a voice whispered in Rarity's ear. "Only dreaming..."
The unicorn's head tilted forward, legs relaxing, bringing her off balance. At that precise moment her body's natural reflexes kicked in. Rarity's head whipped up, her tail flicked twice restoring her to a modicum of awareness.
"A proper lady does not fall asleep during work hours," she stated stifling a yawn. "What would ponies think if they saw you in such an abysmally horrendous state?" Opal let out an annoyed hiss. Unlike Rarity, the feline disliked her sleep being disturbed. Rarity, of course, disliked disturbing her pet. "Yes, yes, you are quite right, Opal. I need to go to Twilight immediately. I'll just finish one more—"
The boutique door swung open, followed by a thunder of hooves.
"Rarity!" Pink hooves grabbed her before the mare could even blink. "It's an emergency!"
"Huh?" Rarity managed to say, before the pink menace stuck her face in hers.
"I'll say it's huh! Lyra told me that Minuette told her that Fancy Pants asked her if I could organize his son's cuteseñera," the new arrival splurged out. "Which is easy, because I'm the best party planner in Ponyville, but I've only done a few good parties outside Ponyville, and thus party needs to be extra-mega-special, and in order for it to be extra-mega-special, I—"
"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity hissed pushing the pink pony away. "I am in the middle of some very important—"
"I know, silly," Pinkie laughed. Rarity's eye twitched. Pinkie Pie was difficult to deal with at the best of times, let alone days away from a deadline.
Pinkie Pike, I appreciate your confidence, but now really isn't the best time! Rarity wanted to say. I am way behind schedule as it is, and I promised to go to the spa with Fluttershy this afternoon, not to mention my urgent visit to Twilight. Instead, the unicorn smiled. Coughed politely and took a step back.
"What exactly is the nature of the emergency, Pinkie Pie?" Rarity said with the utmost politeness. "I hope it's not another of your confetti throwing... performances." A slight frown crept on her face.
"Nah." The pink pony waved a hoof. "I just need a dress to be allowed in his home." Pinkie dashed next to Rarity her muzzle almost touching the unicorn's ear. "He insisted on it," she whispered Pinkie style.
"Oh." Well, it's hardly surprising, keeping in mind the reputation Fancy Pants must uphold, Rarity thought. At the very least Pinkie Pie would need an appropriate vest, maybe an elegant dress as well, though not too formal. Possibly something in an elegant white with a touch of pink fir character and— What am I thinking?! I can't possibly find the time for this. I have three costumes to finish, not to mention Cadence's dress, and I was hoping to finally craft something for Rainbow Dash, which is a challenge in itself. "Well, Pinkie Pie, as much as I would live to help you with your endeavor, I simple cannot—"
"A-ha?" Pinkie Pie looked at her, eyes wide with anticipation.
"—finish it earlier than tomorrow morning." Rarity's smile stretched.
"Really?" Pinkie Pie's mane puffed up even more.
"Yes. I—"
"Really??" Pinkie Pie shoved her muzzle against Rarity's.
"Yes..." Rarity made an attempt to pull back.
"Really???"
"Pinkie Pie!" Rarity shouted. Her friend instantly froze. That was very unladylike of me. Pinkie Pie is not to blame for my overcrowded schedule. And I can't just refuse a dear friend. "I understand you are executed, darling, but please give me some space to breathe. Just come tomorrow morning and the dress will be ready."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, then hopped out of the boutique. She didn't say a word in thanks, she didn't offer anything in exchange. Rarity didn't seem to care, she had a new dress to design.
If I make two dresses at once, that might leave me enough time to work on Pinkie's outfit, she considered. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but nothing that she hadn't done before. Of course, it would go much better if Rarity could cast another Insomnia spell on her. The mare knew full well it was unhealthy to replace sleep with magic—even if it was Alicorn magic—but there were times in which she needed a slight boost.
"Right!" Rarity said, heading for the stairs. "I better get—" Her hoof tripped. Rarity's entire body lost balance, starting its tumble to the floor. Her head went straight towards the edge of the staircase, landing in a wavy cloud of softness instead.
I watched her lie still, eyes wide as saucers with confusion, as she floated in the cloud of mane—my mane—and then I said "Hello."
Rarity fainted.
I felt Rarity budge. Even fainted she had rejected me, isolating herself in a corner of her mind where she kept thinking about work. So stubborn. Thirty minutes of being knocked out and her attitude hadn't changed. Worse than a dragon mule.
"Where, huh?" She said, looking around co fixed. I felt her poke my mane with her hoof, trying to determine the material. I could see her thoughts, considering if she could make into fabric for one of her designs.
"Hello, Rarity," I said coldly, shrinking my mane to normal pony size. I didn't want to hurt her, but was also too upset to grant her any comfort. Since she rejected me, the floor was a perfectly fine spot for her to lay on.
Who are you? Where am I? She looked around in near panic. This must be a dream. Yes, I'm just having another—
"You haven't dreamt in months, Rarity." I didn't turn sound to face her. "You haven't slept in months." I sounded more hurt that I should have. There was no reason for her, a simple pony, to invoke such feelings in me... and yet, she did.
"Excuse me?" I felt her come back to her senses. Remarkably fast, considering what was happening. "It is generally impolite to discuss a lady's sleep." Pride mixed with a touch of guilt. "And I would have you know that I have been sleeping just fine. Well, maybe my schedule has been a bit on the unstable side for the last few days, but—"
"You haven't slept in ninety-one days," I stated. Despite myself I turned around to look her in the face. "And fourteen hours." I added out of spite.
I expected her to respond with one of her snarky comebacks. Stars, I had seen her do that so many times I had lost count. She didn't. Instead, her expression changed from anger to concern. As she looked at me with her large sad eyes, I felt something inside me tingle.
"Have you been crying?" Rarity asked, her voice ringing with tender concern.
"No." I looked aside, extending my mane so as to cover my face. How dare she! She rejects me all this time, and now she dares act concerned?!
"Darling, if something has happened, it's best to let others know." I felt her hoof on my shoulder. Her touch made me tremble. This was the first time a pony... a creature had touched me. "Why don't you sit down? I'll make a nice cup of cocoa and we could discuss everything."
I never expected this. I had spent weeks planning this conversation, weeks playing through me confronting her. I thought I had gone through every detail. One minute in her presence and I could see how wrong I was.
"You're too generous," I said, trying not to pout.
"Darling, please," she laughed, making her way to the kitchen. "It's the least I could do—"
"For rejecting me?" I asked. Instantly I felt like biting my lip. It was a horrible thing to say, especially to her. Yes, she had done that to me, and yes, I was upset, but I had also grown to— My mane glowed pink.
"Rejecting you?" Rarity turned around, confusion on her face. "Darling, if I have done so, I am truly sorry, but I don't believe we have met." She took a few steps forward, each making me feel uneasy. "Was in Manehattan during fashion week? Or maybe Canterlot?"
"I'm Sleep," I sighed.
"Oooh. Sleep!" She nodded. I could see her mind desperately try to remember me. Naturally she wouldn't—she had never seen me. Nopony had. Since the beginning of time I had no reason to make my presence known. My only task was to take beings into the realm of dreams. It was easy. Even the most stubborn succumbed to my charms... until Rarity.
"I am Sleep," I repeated, my voice slightly more authoritative. "The same you have been avoiding for the last three months."
"Darling, it is nice you think so highly of me, but—"
Before she could finish, I extended my mane, filling the room with yellowy-pink strands of hair. With little effort I chopped her, her mannequins, cat, tables, and everything else up in the air. That brought me some small satisfaction—watching Rarity gasp at my powers, seeing the confusion that went through her mind. I kept her there for a full five seconds, before I let her down again.
You're really sleep? I heard her think.
"Yes, I am."
Have I really been skipping sleep for that month? I could have sworn that I had a nice long rest only a few days ago, right after I finished—
"No, you haven't!" I stopped on the floor with my hoof. Why did I do that? I wasn't supposed to get upset. "You only allowed a slight embrace before pushing me away and going back to your stupid dresses!" Stupid? Why did I use that word? For some reason it felt right.
"Well, now!" She huffed, raising her chin. "If you're going to be uncivilized about it, you might as well leave."
"I don't want to leave!" I felt tears of sand roll down my face. "I just..." I sniffed. Why can't I think of any words to any? It's this stupid pony form! It must be! I was perfect! Everyone loved me! "Every night I'd come to you. I was there in your time of need. When everyone, even your closest friends, ignore you, I was there. They took you for granted, I didn't! And you still never let me help you. A few hours. That's all I asked. Just a few hours with me..." I was staring at the floor. Drops of sand fell down, making forming piles.
She didn't say anything. I expected to feel contempt, I expected to hear ridicule.
"Tell you what, let's sit on the couch," Rarity said. "I know I have a busy schedule, but I could spend a few minutes to talk things out."
"Okay," I sniffed. Even just now she was rejecting me.
We walked to her couch—soft red velvet. I lay down first, taking two thirds of it. Rarity sat beside me. Her discomfort was apparent, yet her family held firm.
"So, how was your day today?" She asked casually. I looked at her. Was thus the oath she wanted to take? Talk about trivialities until I left again? "Hmm, I suppose that was a stupid question." She tapped her chin with a hoof, deep in thought. "What I really wanted to ask was what Bering sleep really is like."
She was lying. What she really wanted to know was why I showed interest in her. Despite all her generosity, Rarity still remained a vain mare. Vain in a good way.
"I first noticed you when you skipped a week," I said quietly. "During your autumn collection frenzy. It was the guest time in a while since a pony lasted that long."
"Oh, don't remind me, darling." Rarity cringed. "Tireless night of coming up with the perfect design, and for what? An honorable mention. I thought I would die of shame."
"You did," I nodded. "Then spent the next two days locked in your room eating ice cream."
"Weeeell, I might have indulged in a few spoonfuls," she said evasively, her cheeks turning slightly pink. The reaction made me smile. "We all have our dark moments." My smile vanished. Everyone had their dark moments, and mine was now.
"I tried to hug you then, to give you the reward you deserved." My voice was weaker than before. This was not at all the light I wanted her to see me in. I was supposed to be powerful, authoritative. "Instead you ran to Twilight and tricked her into casting an insomnia spell on you."
Rarity said nothing. In her mind I could see she understood exactly what she had done. So, this is what you meant? Each time I rejected sleep, I rejected you. Every night I spent working to make a deadline, I hurt you...
"Sorry, darling, I didn't know..."
"At first I took it as a challenge." I didn't want to stop. Something urged me to say it all, regardless of the consequences. If anypony should see me in my darkest hour, it was her. "I teased you, I kissed you, I wrapped you in my mane, waiting for you to succumb, but you never did. Despite everything, I couldn't seduce you." I must have seemed pathetic, because I felt Rarity place her hoof on my back. "Each time I would come close something would happen. A telegram would come announcing a new contest, or a friend would rush in, crying for you to make a dress in a day, or your cat would start screaming for attention, your sister as well..."
"Yes, they do tend to be rather demanding," Rarity interjected. Her thoughts made me crack a smile through the tears. She was unconsciously trying to determine which was a greater nuisance: Opalescence or Sweetie Belle. It was a tough call to make.
"After a month, only had eyes for you. I would always be nearby, there but invisible, close but so far away." I sniffed. "I wanted to embrace you, to be with you, yet you never tired."
"Please, darling, you're making me blush," she laughed, trying to brush it off, but I knew it was no presence.
"You never tired," I repeated. "Never ever. I was there. I watched, and waited, and hoped, and..." I couldn't force myself to say it. For once I wished that Rarity could read minds. I felt so powerless. I put every creature in Equestria to sleep and I felt powerless! Tears started rolling down, like rivers of sand. "You really messed things up, Rarity..."
"Well, I..." Rarity stopped. For a single instant both her voice and mind went silent. There was nothing she could say to that. How could she possibly comprehend the consequences to her actions? She, a mortal mare, had made me want something to such an extent I had gained form in the physical world. "You sent the letter, didn't you?" She asked, her hooves stroking my mane in an attempt to make me feel better. "You wanted me to notice you."
I turned around and looked at her. I didn't need words to let her know that was the case.
"Darling..." She let out a bittersweet sigh. "I really a, touched by all of this, honestly, but I just have so much work... I didn't mean to act this way, I truly love my sleep. It's just that circumstances, being what they are, make it impossible."
My head dropped on the couch. Rejected again, just as I knew I would be. She cared, yet not enough. Sleep always took a backseat to the trivialities of daily life. At least I got to have a conversation with her.
"Still—" I felt her head rest on my side. The sensation made my mane twirl. "—I suppose I could spend five minutes with you. After all, you did take time from your busy schedule just to come here..."
I smiled. You never change, Rarity. You always find time to help anyone who asks, constantly at the expense of yourself.
"Rarity..." I whispered, as she finally embraced me, after all this time.
It was morning when Rarity woke up. Stretching with a healthy yawn, she opened a sleepy eye, then closed it back again. A few moments were spent in painless bliss, after which the pressures of deadlines kicked in. Her mind exploded with tasks, times, and dates. Still she didn't immediately
jump to her hooves. Like any lady, she got off her couch with dignity, made a few steps, then looked around.
"Sleep?" she asked. There was no response. "Sleep, are you still upset with me? Truly, this is no way to behave. I admit that I have been neglecting you, but I did make an effort to—"
She stopped. On the floor, by her hoof, lay was a single white piece of paper.
Thank you, Rarity.
Goodbye.
Great, you've made me feel guilt over all the times I've pulled all-nighters due to some uni assignment.
That is quite an endearing tale you've got there. Your characterisation of sleep was nice, and honestly, who wouldn't fall for Rarity.
The biggest issue the story has is the abundance of typos. Well, not typos, more of auto-correct shenanigans, some of which pulled me out of the story.
"Otherwise I'll make sure that wasn't a typo!"
But I digress. This is a solid tale that could benefit from being expanded, it's a little bit too short for my taste, but it still delivers an enjoyable read.
That is quite an endearing tale you've got there. Your characterisation of sleep was nice, and honestly, who wouldn't fall for Rarity.
The biggest issue the story has is the abundance of typos. Well, not typos, more of auto-correct shenanigans, some of which pulled me out of the story.
"I understand you are executed, darling, but please give me some space to breathe.
"Otherwise I'll make sure that wasn't a typo!"
But I digress. This is a solid tale that could benefit from being expanded, it's a little bit too short for my taste, but it still delivers an enjoyable read.
I can tell this one came in under the wire. It really needs another go over to catch the omitted words and auto-correct flubs. Still, the story itself is a fascinating one, though I do have to wonder how Rarity’s paramour works when Luna is a thing. Of course, introducing some new mystical element to Equestria is a written, engraved invitation for me to think too much, so there we are.
I feel this would benefit a lot from expansion. The text does a good sense of conveying the sense of building, overwhelming fatigue; more scenes of thankless effort will only emphasize that. Maybe include the interlude with Twilight if it won’t interrupt the flow too much. Still, even as is, I liked this.
I feel this would benefit a lot from expansion. The text does a good sense of conveying the sense of building, overwhelming fatigue; more scenes of thankless effort will only emphasize that. Maybe include the interlude with Twilight if it won’t interrupt the flow too much. Still, even as is, I liked this.
Genre: Paranormal romance?
Thoughts: Okay, so this does need a good editing pass, and that's distracting at times. But for me, the story here is utterly unique and utterly Rarity. What starts with overtones of stalking ends with a surprisingly beautiful embrace. There's a strong emotional connection, and lots of great detail about Rarity's life and situation along the way. Maybe the thing that really sells this for me is how plausible it feels to have sleep be personified in Equestria; there's already a strong presence of Greek mythological concepts in the world, and this feels like a natural extension of them.
In the end, I think this is more of a celebration of Rarity's good qualities than a rebuke of her tendency to overdo things sometimes, and I can get behind that.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: Okay, so this does need a good editing pass, and that's distracting at times. But for me, the story here is utterly unique and utterly Rarity. What starts with overtones of stalking ends with a surprisingly beautiful embrace. There's a strong emotional connection, and lots of great detail about Rarity's life and situation along the way. Maybe the thing that really sells this for me is how plausible it feels to have sleep be personified in Equestria; there's already a strong presence of Greek mythological concepts in the world, and this feels like a natural extension of them.
In the end, I think this is more of a celebration of Rarity's good qualities than a rebuke of her tendency to overdo things sometimes, and I can get behind that.
Tier: Strong
This story takes a little bit to wind up--outside of letting the reader know how much Rarity has been skipping sleep, there isn't anything awfully concrete until shortly before Rarity's conversation with Sweetie. When the ball does gets rolling, though, the story really starts to shine. Characterization is both strong and interesting throughout, even for the little roles, like Opal and Sweetie.
I'm having a little bit of an issue with the perspective shift. It's not jarring, since you've set it up with the first scene, but it's still a little odd that Rarity's thoughts--which the reader has been intimate with up until this point--suddenly become inaccessible from Sleep's perspective. But this is one of those things that I have no idea how to fix, so I'm not really holding it against you. After all, this might actually be entirely your intention
One last thing to note (which is mostly a personal taste thing) is that three months without any significant sleep feels implausible to me. I mean, not only is that an awfully long time to be so monumentally busy, but it's also physically stretching it, IMO. I know that personally I've got a pretty low tolerance for missed sleep (I need a good seven hours every night or I start sleeping through alarms), but ninety-something all-nighters in a row just sounds almost ridiculous to me. I'm not going to really dock you for this scoring-wise, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
But don't let my knitpicking fool you. Overall, you've got a really strong character piece, and I thought the personification (ponification?) of Sleep was really unique and handled well. Despite whatever grievances I might have with the details, this one's going towards the top of my slate.
I'm having a little bit of an issue with the perspective shift. It's not jarring, since you've set it up with the first scene, but it's still a little odd that Rarity's thoughts--which the reader has been intimate with up until this point--suddenly become inaccessible from Sleep's perspective. But this is one of those things that I have no idea how to fix, so I'm not really holding it against you. After all, this might actually be entirely your intention
One last thing to note (which is mostly a personal taste thing) is that three months without any significant sleep feels implausible to me. I mean, not only is that an awfully long time to be so monumentally busy, but it's also physically stretching it, IMO. I know that personally I've got a pretty low tolerance for missed sleep (I need a good seven hours every night or I start sleeping through alarms), but ninety-something all-nighters in a row just sounds almost ridiculous to me. I'm not going to really dock you for this scoring-wise, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
But don't let my knitpicking fool you. Overall, you've got a really strong character piece, and I thought the personification (ponification?) of Sleep was really unique and handled well. Despite whatever grievances I might have with the details, this one's going towards the top of my slate.
Definitely concurring on the editing pass; there's lots of example of words that are ...close but not quite what it needs to be to be natural flow.
Sleep herself? She's the best part once she manifests fully, and thus the thing that most vexes is that she flutters away in the end. The core of this, I think, should end on a stronger note than a wispy 'Goodbye'; I mean, certainly that is the nature of slumber, always floating away from us in the end, but...I suppose this sets up so much opportunity for things to change, and then - well, nothing changes.
The world-building is beautiful. I appreciated that; and little touches like Sweetie & Rarity added to it muchly so.
And oh, yes - unless ponies are like ultra-imsomniacs, Rarity would be horribly dead from going awake that long. Her brain would like, shut down.
Sleep herself? She's the best part once she manifests fully, and thus the thing that most vexes is that she flutters away in the end. The core of this, I think, should end on a stronger note than a wispy 'Goodbye'; I mean, certainly that is the nature of slumber, always floating away from us in the end, but...I suppose this sets up so much opportunity for things to change, and then - well, nothing changes.
The world-building is beautiful. I appreciated that; and little touches like Sweetie & Rarity added to it muchly so.
And oh, yes - unless ponies are like ultra-imsomniacs, Rarity would be horribly dead from going awake that long. Her brain would like, shut down.
I have similar thoughts as the other reviewers (distracting typos, implausibility of being alive after going ninety days without sleep, the shift in perspective). But I have two other criticisms:
1. I have to disagree with the praise for Rarity's characterization. While you've certainly nailed her spirit of generosity, as well as the way she overworks herself, in terms of personality, there are parts where she feels far more like Fluttershy than Rarity. Swap out "Rarity and Opal" for "Fluttershy and Angel" in that first scene, and it works just as well. Possibly better. I understand not wanting her to snap at her friends or her sister, but surely she can at least stand up to her cat.
(also, her priorities feel inconsistent; she swears that she's far too busy for indulgences like napping, but she can knock off from work for a few hours to go to the spa with Fluttershy? When she's as deep in The Zone as she is?)
2. There is no reason Rarity should be as composed and together as she is after going without sleep for a day, let alone for as long as she has. Especially when Rarity is already prone to unhinged fits of histrionics when she is well-rested. She should be screwing up and dropping things and hallucinating or doing something to indicate that she's fraying.
Also, I'm not sure why Sweetie Belle is living with Rarity.
In terms of the perspective shift, you might solve that by simply keeping it from Sleep's perspective the entire time, and have him (her? it?) describe its understanding of Rarity's character and motivations and tendency toward self-destructive overworking.
1. I have to disagree with the praise for Rarity's characterization. While you've certainly nailed her spirit of generosity, as well as the way she overworks herself, in terms of personality, there are parts where she feels far more like Fluttershy than Rarity. Swap out "Rarity and Opal" for "Fluttershy and Angel" in that first scene, and it works just as well. Possibly better. I understand not wanting her to snap at her friends or her sister, but surely she can at least stand up to her cat.
(also, her priorities feel inconsistent; she swears that she's far too busy for indulgences like napping, but she can knock off from work for a few hours to go to the spa with Fluttershy? When she's as deep in The Zone as she is?)
2. There is no reason Rarity should be as composed and together as she is after going without sleep for a day, let alone for as long as she has. Especially when Rarity is already prone to unhinged fits of histrionics when she is well-rested. She should be screwing up and dropping things and hallucinating or doing something to indicate that she's fraying.
Also, I'm not sure why Sweetie Belle is living with Rarity.
In terms of the perspective shift, you might solve that by simply keeping it from Sleep's perspective the entire time, and have him (her? it?) describe its understanding of Rarity's character and motivations and tendency toward self-destructive overworking.
I know I probably shouldn't be too harsh on typos and the like in writeoffs. especially since I also didn't have any time to edit my story before submitting it. But all the autocorrect errors in this story are really distracting.
Problems with autocorrect aside, I really liked this one. Unlike others, I didn't mind that Rarity has been awake for an unrealistic amount of time. It's necessary for the story to work, and it seems like the sort of thing that could be possible in Equestria to me. Especially since the story explicitly justified it with magic. It was pretty obvious from early on how it was going to end, but the ending was still satisfying. My only regret was that this didn't turn into a full-on romance between Rarity and Sleep, because that is exactly the type of shipfic I want to read. Seriously, if you write a sequel where Rarity starts staying up for weeks again just to get Sleep to visit her, I will definitely read it.
>>Posh
Come on, that's already practically canon.
Problems with autocorrect aside, I really liked this one. Unlike others, I didn't mind that Rarity has been awake for an unrealistic amount of time. It's necessary for the story to work, and it seems like the sort of thing that could be possible in Equestria to me. Especially since the story explicitly justified it with magic. It was pretty obvious from early on how it was going to end, but the ending was still satisfying. My only regret was that this didn't turn into a full-on romance between Rarity and Sleep, because that is exactly the type of shipfic I want to read. Seriously, if you write a sequel where Rarity starts staying up for weeks again just to get Sleep to visit her, I will definitely read it.
>>Posh
Also, I'm not sure why Sweetie Belle is living with Rarity.
Come on, that's already practically canon.
>>The_Letter_J
Not after Sisterhooves Social, it ain't.
It is, however, canon that Mommity and Daddity pawn Sweetie off on Rarity at random, so maybe that's what's going on.
Come on, that's already practically canon.
Not after Sisterhooves Social, it ain't.
It is, however, canon that Mommity and Daddity pawn Sweetie off on Rarity at random, so maybe that's what's going on.
>>Posh
And after For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils, it is again.
I'm still not entirely sure what to make of Rarity leaving Sweetie home alone while she goes to Canterlot though.
And after For Whom the Sweetie Belle Toils, it is again.
I'm still not entirely sure what to make of Rarity leaving Sweetie home alone while she goes to Canterlot though.
>>The_Letter_J Funny how the popular fandom theory is that Scootaloo's parents are either negligent or dead when Sweetie Belle's guardians just toss her back and forth in a game of hot pone-tato.