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I Would Prefer Not To · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
Show rules for this event
#1 · 1
Come walk a mile in my horseshoes, boss.
#2 · 2
#3 · 3
Maybe... just maybe... something will happen.
#4 ·
Rip. Missed the prompt submission.
#5 ·
One day late for prompt submission again. Gaaaaaaaaaaah!
#6 ·
I got so much irl stuff right now. I guess I should skip this one, but... I would prefer not to
#7 · 2
Hide your children and wives. I've entered.
#8 ·
· on Performance
I really like the concept of Twilight finding a surrogate confess-ee for her love. It fits her archetype super-well and is a really natural-feeling source for potential conflicts. I'm also kind of jealous of how you pull off the storybook-esque narration—I feel like every time I try to make my prose anything but totally invisible, it falls apart.

If I had to level some critique, I think I was a little thrown off by the pacing during my first read-through. A lot happens in the last hundred words, compared to the plot density of the previous 600ish words. On re-reads, I do think that it was a good idea to both end the story where it ends and to have that little tinge of ambiguity in Mirror Shade's turn of heart. So maybe the issue that I have is less about the pacing itself, and more about how it's signaled to the reader. I don't know; I hope that makes sense. :P

Thanks for entering!
#9 ·
· on Paid Vacation Time
I do tend to enjoy these sorts of "two characters having a discussion" stories. I like the implication the scenario has for Tempest's character growth, and older Flurry is always fun for me as well.

I think it's worth mentioning that I also kinda had pacing problems with this one, too. Like in "Performance", this one's ending feels a little rushed, but since this story isn't actually going for ambiguity in its theme, the problem feels a little more pronounced. It definitely feels like you're pushing up to the word limit, here.

Thanks for entering!
#10 · 2
· on Moon
Okay, I'm like, 30 different kinds of in-love with the high-concept, not-quite-explained worldbuilding that you do here. The clearly symbolic elements of the dreams and the descriptions really lend the whole piece a sense of importance and weight. Overall, this is just a lot of fun.

If I have to lodge complaints, there are only a couple of things I think are worth nitpicking. Firstly, the opening is probably the weakest part of the story. Since we're going in blind, minific readers are really kind of desperate for anything concrete to latch onto, and since we know it's a dream, it's a little bit hard to feel oriented.

My other nitpick feeds into this, and it's that it felt a little strange that you didn't name Celestia or Luna. Up until about halfway through the story, I was still personally unsure of which royal princess was the narrator. It's definitely a neat stylistic choice not to use either of their names, but I think that if that's what you want to do, it might be a good idea to find some other way to clearly clarify identities early-on, like by mentioning coat color or the like. Like I've said in previous reviews I've done, I personally think it's absolutely essential for the first 100 words of a minific to establish characters, tone, setting, and conflict ASAP. So that's kind of my viewpoint as a reader, going in.

Thanks for entering!
#11 · 1
· on Delicate Matters Require a Delicate Approach · >>thebandbrony
I absolutely love Twilight's squared-off face and squared-off eyes. It's just that perfect amount of ugly-weird that ends up selling the whole thing. If Equestria had internet, its memes would look like this. Thank you.
#12 · 1
· on Carry that Weight
This is really cool in how it uses texturing to distinguish the three primary objects in the picture. The shape of the hill and the moon compliment each other well, giving the whole piece an astronomical sort of vibe. Really neat; thanks for arting!
#13 · 2
· on It's a Symbolic Matter
Okay, I snorted air through my nose when I saw the "thirty-four" joke. I really love the cute birthday-card-feeling, with the drawn-on stitches and the pastelly colors. The mouseover text is also really cute. Thank you for arting!
#14 ·
· on Performance
A little bit late to the party on this one, but I wanted to acknowledge how much I enjoyed your writing! The premise didn't feel squished due to the word limit, which is in and of itself a feat worthy of note. I love stories that aren't afraid to end on cliffhangers--in this case, the big reveal of affection. Love that bit.

The other thing I really liked was this fragment from the last line:

During one of their sessions, in the coda to the day's date, Mirror Shade disintegrated her Rarity facade and cried—as if forgetting that she had become herself, "Oh darling, how much I simply love you is too much for me to bear!"

DAMN that's good writing. I still get a thrill out of lines like that. The mystery of why some things pop keep me eternally motivated to become a better reader and writer.

Thank you for sharing! :)
#15 · 1
· on Delicate Matters Require a Delicate Approach
>>Bachiavellian Total agreement with my man Bach here. Ugliness can sell a joke and the sheer MS-paintiness here really amps up the absurdity. Solid chuckle/10
#16 · 1
· on Carry that Weight
Composition is definitly this piece's strongest suite. The way the moon and the hill almost connect at the top of the frame, leaving poor ol' moonbutt with an increasingly smaller and smaller space as she ascends is an excellent visual representation of the inescapable nature of her task I was going for the author was going for.