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V7b9
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#12881 · 3
· on Cheap Easy Portalfare
>>horizon
>>Trick_Question
>>AndrewRogue
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Ranmilia
>>Monokeras
>>libertydude

Thank you all so much for such a wealth of critique! I'm absolutely blown away by all the wonderful feedback you've been kind enough to leave.
#16323 · 2
·
Finished in the nick of time! Good luck to everyone still hammering away. You're almost there!
#12792 · 1
· on Blind Dating in a World Gone Mad · >>AndrewRogue
Your dialogue is really impressive here! Smooth and realistic, while also revealing character personality. Though I feel like this story fell victim to the word-count requirement, I still had fun reading it and delving into the world you made--what precious little we got, anyway.
#16339 · 1
· on Foxes Have Holes and Birds Have Nests · >>Cassius >>AndrewRogue
This was a really compelling read! I'll echo Fenton's compliment on the use of Nevada's friends getting transitioned as a countdown to Hadley's own transition. The shift in tone at the end was executed perfectly, too.

I will also say that I'm not sure what point you're exactly trying to make with the plot. Hadley's time spent in the facility pre-transition set up a strongly anti-corporation vibe, and then by the end he seems much more content with his life as a fox than with his life as a human. So... the corporation was right all along? I could also see this making the case for a more natural life a la Ralph Waldo Emmerson, but that would rely on the corporation being a benevolent one, which wasn't the vibe I got from first reading. That's not a terrible stretch though, so it's totally possible.

That all said, I really enjoyed reading this. Though deeper meaning is tough to parse out, it's an entertaining story with a great consoling finish. Great job!
#16419 · 1
· on Turn of the Red Coat · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Writer, you've totally nailed the old-school children's-fable vibe. I can feel there's a ton of potential here for a larger story, but as it is I think it's still a stellar read. Put a smile on my face, anyway!
#12791 ·
· on Roy's Diner, 3 A.M.
I get the sense that this story fell victim to the minimal word count requirement. If you had another thousand words or so to expand on the dynamic between characters and the circumstances that go into the boyfriend's alternate universe travels, I'll bet you could make the story feel much more robust than its current state.

That all said, I found it an enjoyable piece that, though it didn't take me to any unexpected places, was still really fun to read!
#16338 ·
· on Second Chance · >>GaPJaxie
As an introduction to a larger novel, this could work just fine. As a standalone short story, I can't help but feel put off by all the vagueness (which I assume is an intentional decision). I'm a strong advocate for intentional vagueness--sometimes to a fault--but this is one of those cases where there's simply not enough foundation for that intentional decision to stand on. The writing in itself is crisp and efficient. I just can't parse out where you're trying to go with the plot.
#16418 ·
· on The Many Graves of Gul Hamid Wan
Part of what makes a story stand out to me is the author's ability to take a concept I'm already familiar with and put into a new perspective. I've read enough of our mystery author's other works on the same topic to understand exactly where this was going, yet the clever twist in how the topic was presented made it a very compelling read. Great stuff!
#18507 ·
· on Night Hill
This kinda reminds me of the album cover and liner designs of Radiohead's "Kid A." I'm totally lost as to the meaning of it--you could project any number of meanings onto those stick figures in the grass--but I get the sense there's some large gears turning here. By all conventions, this shouldn't make me feel as uneasy as it is.
#18607 ·
· on 8 PM ( Rain )
I really liked your interpretation of that particular picture! I was curious to see what kind of stories would come from it, and you didn't disappoint. The flow felt ungainly at times, and there were moments (specifically the final conversation between our hero and the guide) that felt like an example debate from a high school intro to philosophy book.With that said, I'm a sucker for strong vibe, and there's a very strong vibe here indeed.