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V7b9
Gold medal
On the Verge
FiM Short Story
1st
100%
464
First of Fall
Gold medal
Crossing Over
Friendship is Short Shorts Short Story
1st
100%
455
The Memory
Mortarboard
Under the Surface
Original Short Story
6th
58%
251
ASCII of a Wave
Bronze medal
Under New Management
Original Minific
3rd
80%
155
Lifestyle Gadgets
Ribbon
No Such Thing as an Unimportant Day
Original Minific
5th
60%
99
The Trip
Ribbon
I Did My Best
Original Short Story
5th
33%
81
Bartown, USA
Confetti
Through A Mirror, Brightly
FiM Minific
8th
46%
67
Endless Lawns Below
Ribbon
They Stood Against the Sky
Original Short Story
14th
24%
60
Man Molded Over
Ribbon
And at the End, You Shall Remain Alone
FiM Minific
16th
29%
33
Tireless
Ribbon
But First, We Need to Talk About Parallel Universes
Original Minific
26th
24%
25
Cheap Easy Portalfare
#21764 · 4
·
Hype train's a'rolling! Good luck everyone.
#23021 · 4
· on First of Fall
Thank you all very much for your compliments and critique! >>Trick_Question and >>Miller Minus, I shared your doubts about the ending as-is. I think taking your advice and doing a little bit more in the way of tightening up the "who's learning what" moral is gonna lead to a much more satisfying conclusion.
#12881 · 3
· on Cheap Easy Portalfare
>>horizon
>>Trick_Question
>>AndrewRogue
>>Dubs_Rewatcher
>>Ranmilia
>>Monokeras
>>libertydude

Thank you all so much for such a wealth of critique! I'm absolutely blown away by all the wonderful feedback you've been kind enough to leave.
#22970 · 3
· on It Wasn't Alive in the First Place... · >>PinoyPony
It's been awhile since I've read a fanfic that could legitimately be a show episode. The character interactions, while a bit wooden at times, are really cute. You've got your characters dialed in!

The whole premise, while fascinating, is delivered in a lukewarm way. The drama of changeling melts coming to life doesn't feel like the main point of the story, partially on account of how the first scene with Rarity takes up half the total story (Bach's comment touches on that very well!). I would even say you could take out the beginning scene with Rarity, perhaps replacing it with a more streamlined exposition-y bit with Twilight and Ocellus (or any of the students working on the molt exoskeleton in the beginning). There's a ton of potential for that "freak out, then realize everything is okay" kind of bait and switch I think you're going for. Just keep looking for new angles and this story will come together really well.
#16323 · 2
·
Finished in the nick of time! Good luck to everyone still hammering away. You're almost there!
#22734 · 2
· on Overseeing Her Domain · >>GroaningGreyAgony
The texture really deals the deal here. Pinoy's description of tv static is spot-on. That plus the nice dollop of asymmetry between sun and moon make for a really killer picture.
#23197 · 2
· on Callback
Big thumbs up from me on this one! Choosing not to name the protagonists during their sections and using "friend" instead was a excellent mood-elevator. It gives everything an extra layer of dreaminess. I would love to see Discord's crafting of the rope expanded on--as it sits right now, it's coming off as out of left field, especially considering how there was no mention of it in the prior storm scene.

Excellent work!
#12792 · 1
· on Blind Dating in a World Gone Mad · >>AndrewRogue
Your dialogue is really impressive here! Smooth and realistic, while also revealing character personality. Though I feel like this story fell victim to the word-count requirement, I still had fun reading it and delving into the world you made--what precious little we got, anyway.
#16339 · 1
· on Foxes Have Holes and Birds Have Nests · >>Cassius >>AndrewRogue
This was a really compelling read! I'll echo Fenton's compliment on the use of Nevada's friends getting transitioned as a countdown to Hadley's own transition. The shift in tone at the end was executed perfectly, too.

I will also say that I'm not sure what point you're exactly trying to make with the plot. Hadley's time spent in the facility pre-transition set up a strongly anti-corporation vibe, and then by the end he seems much more content with his life as a fox than with his life as a human. So... the corporation was right all along? I could also see this making the case for a more natural life a la Ralph Waldo Emmerson, but that would rely on the corporation being a benevolent one, which wasn't the vibe I got from first reading. That's not a terrible stretch though, so it's totally possible.

That all said, I really enjoyed reading this. Though deeper meaning is tough to parse out, it's an entertaining story with a great consoling finish. Great job!
#16419 · 1
· on Turn of the Red Coat · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Writer, you've totally nailed the old-school children's-fable vibe. I can feel there's a ton of potential here for a larger story, but as it is I think it's still a stellar read. Put a smile on my face, anyway!