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Under the Surface
Original Short Story
ASCII of a Wave
Bronze medal
Under New Management
Original Minific
Lifestyle Gadgets
No Such Thing as an Unimportant Day
Original Minific
The Trip
I Did My Best
Original Short Story
Bartown, USA
Through A Mirror, Brightly
FiM Minific
Endless Lawns Below
They Stood Against the Sky
Original Short Story
Man Molded Over
And at the End, You Shall Remain Alone
FiM Minific
But First, We Need to Talk About Parallel Universes
Original Minific
Cheap Easy Portalfare
Lightning in a Jar
Original Short Story
The Great Color of the Sky
#21764 · 4
Hype train's a'rolling! Good luck everyone.
#12881 · 3
· on Cheap Easy Portalfare

Thank you all so much for such a wealth of critique! I'm absolutely blown away by all the wonderful feedback you've been kind enough to leave.
#16323 · 2
Finished in the nick of time! Good luck to everyone still hammering away. You're almost there!
#12792 · 1
· on Blind Dating in a World Gone Mad · >>AndrewRogue
Your dialogue is really impressive here! Smooth and realistic, while also revealing character personality. Though I feel like this story fell victim to the word-count requirement, I still had fun reading it and delving into the world you made--what precious little we got, anyway.
#16339 · 1
· on Foxes Have Holes and Birds Have Nests · >>Cassius >>AndrewRogue
This was a really compelling read! I'll echo Fenton's compliment on the use of Nevada's friends getting transitioned as a countdown to Hadley's own transition. The shift in tone at the end was executed perfectly, too.

I will also say that I'm not sure what point you're exactly trying to make with the plot. Hadley's time spent in the facility pre-transition set up a strongly anti-corporation vibe, and then by the end he seems much more content with his life as a fox than with his life as a human. So... the corporation was right all along? I could also see this making the case for a more natural life a la Ralph Waldo Emmerson, but that would rely on the corporation being a benevolent one, which wasn't the vibe I got from first reading. That's not a terrible stretch though, so it's totally possible.

That all said, I really enjoyed reading this. Though deeper meaning is tough to parse out, it's an entertaining story with a great consoling finish. Great job!
#16419 · 1
· on Turn of the Red Coat · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Writer, you've totally nailed the old-school children's-fable vibe. I can feel there's a ton of potential here for a larger story, but as it is I think it's still a stellar read. Put a smile on my face, anyway!
#21273 · 1
· on Dance Like No One’s Watching
I can't get enough of this picture! The cartoony style plays well to the lighthearted, carefree subject matter. When style matches subject matter, magic happens. Well done!
#21274 · 1
· on Up and Out · >>GroaningGreyAgony
This design looks straight out of a motivational office poster--in a good way!

The progression of color from left to right, and the movement of the subject from bottom left to top right, is very storylike. I'm a but lost as to what the blue shakes represent (I'm guessing the black shapes represent some sort of challenge or trial to be overcome), but that's not enough to distract from the overall niceness. Good work!
#12791 ·
· on Roy's Diner, 3 A.M.
I get the sense that this story fell victim to the minimal word count requirement. If you had another thousand words or so to expand on the dynamic between characters and the circumstances that go into the boyfriend's alternate universe travels, I'll bet you could make the story feel much more robust than its current state.

That all said, I found it an enjoyable piece that, though it didn't take me to any unexpected places, was still really fun to read!
#16338 ·
· on Second Chance · >>GaPJaxie
As an introduction to a larger novel, this could work just fine. As a standalone short story, I can't help but feel put off by all the vagueness (which I assume is an intentional decision). I'm a strong advocate for intentional vagueness--sometimes to a fault--but this is one of those cases where there's simply not enough foundation for that intentional decision to stand on. The writing in itself is crisp and efficient. I just can't parse out where you're trying to go with the plot.