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Seeing Double · FiM Minific ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 400–750
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A View of Both Sides

I swoosh through the air in triple time, parceling my juggles, and just in the nicker of time I make it to the doorstep! I am an express pony for certain and all, and I go through with the mail.

As I am about to knock on the door of the boutique, it opens with a suddenness! and back I go with a flutter of letters and scurry of feathers, to land pinch upon my tail! Out dashes the Boutique’s beauteous proprietress, who turns to me with concern. “Oh dear, are you okay?”

I nod and swirl around me, taking stock of my flock as I wind a whirl and updraft all the drafts and bills and billets-doux and little boxes, and stack the parcels all wry upon the mat before her.

“Perfect!” she cries, snatching up a garment-box. Just the thing I’ve been waiting for!” She turns to carry it inside the door.

“There’s also this,” I say, reaching out my hoof with a little card. The envelope is torn and blotted in spots, and I can see shaky scrawls inside. Her brilliant eyes narrow as I hoof it over. “I’m sorry for the condition, but it looked like that when we received it.”

“Oh?” She gives me a friendly look. “Oh, no, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing very important anyway. Thank you very much, and have a pleasant afternoon!” She tosses the card into a small wastebasket, takes the garment box inside, and shuts the door with a certain finality.

I set off upon my rounds again as the rain starts to fall from the mostly cloudless sky.

Overhead, out of the vision of most, my other orb espies a small cloud over the boutique, and peeking over the edge a curious blue nose. I cannot as some call her the ArDee because to me it means Rural Delivery.

The Wander-Bold looks as if she wants to fly around the world while she waits. She stares down, tapping a hoof as I zip into my landing just on schedule, just to meet the opening door of the anxious shopowner seeking to check on her mail, and over I go onto my keister!

Above, Dash plants a face in hoof as I rearrange my cargo to best presentation, but looks sharply again as her Uniquity emerges and sweeps up the box. The cloudwatcher is on tenderhoofs, almost ready to leap down and intervene.

As she tenses, I reach to my letterstack and pull out that one envelope to present to its recipient. Its sender above is perfectly still.

As those words are said and the missive is ditched I see the shock in her eyes, the discomprehension, the blinking back, how those eyes are growing wetter... She can't stay here but no place else is worth going in the entire miserable world.

But then she flies off, leaving a few drops below her like the hints of oncoming rain.

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#1 · 3
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
What beautifully playful prose! Portraying character through style is tricky to do, as I find it so often comes across as campy (at least in my own writing it does 😅). You nailed it!
#2 ·
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
I love a good Derpy! :derpytongue: (I hope that's correct, otherwise I'm on my keister also with this one!)

One wonders what she sees what she sees daily, as she sees... well... double! Does it drive her mad? Obviously not, since she just keeps on keeping on her route, trying to do her job with as much grace as she can.

Thanks for writing!
#3 ·
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
This is a superb little morsel.

I originally misread "Rural Delivery" as "Rural Devil", but was delighted with it. It was a pawn move out of nowhere which won the game.

However, "Rural Delivery" is cute, and more apropos to the writer's intent.
#4 ·
· · >>GroaningGreyAgony
Very nice:

A missing quotation mark here and there, and I've never been able to hear Rarity's voice use the word "okay"--"all right," sure, but "okay" just doesn't sound right. It's a shame you'll need to add more to it to reach the minimum word count for FimFiction, but I'm sure you can do it!

#5 ·
>>thebandbrony, >>PinoyPony, >>Heavy_Mole, >>Baal Bunny

A View of Both Sides

Wow! Thanks for the gold, and congrats to Monokeras and thebandbrony.

The idea that Derpy sees more of the world than others do because of her strabismus is not new, but it seemed to fit this prompt very well. I wanted to try a subtle scenario at first, but decided that simple and bold would work best in this format. It is indeed likely to be hard to add 600 words to it without mangling it, so I may add it to my Pone Shots collection.

Thanks for the love and the great comments!