Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Arch-form rhyme scheme?
Careful with that first stanza, though. ‘Stolen’ and ‘role and’ won’t be any obvious rhyme to most readers, and the effect will be to defray the feel of your complex rhyme pattern.
Careful with that first stanza, though. ‘Stolen’ and ‘role and’ won’t be any obvious rhyme to most readers, and the effect will be to defray the feel of your complex rhyme pattern.
This entry takes a risk by acting as a commentary on another passage--now there are two domains of meaning which must be considered, and that is a lot of complexity!
Can the poet, like a steely closing pitcher in baseball, bring the game to a satisfying conclusion?
Most interesting for me is that the contributed part takes us into a world of verbs--dazzling, casting, uttering, tickling--and asks us to look at the life of a flower as something active.
Can the poet, like a steely closing pitcher in baseball, bring the game to a satisfying conclusion?
Most interesting for me is that the contributed part takes us into a world of verbs--dazzling, casting, uttering, tickling--and asks us to look at the life of a flower as something active.
This is a dark lyric, and might help set the atmosphere for a wider setting (such as a game or a scene in a movie where there is more information). As a poem, the next step would be to clarify the referent of 'it' in the third line.
>>Chris
This is FUTURE CHRIS, come back to the past to inform you that you paid the toll, banished the blank page and were rewarded on this day with something that you were not necessarily looking for, but necessarily were in need of; and that while your attitude toward me is flagellating, mine toward you is tender, generous, and forgiving of faults.
Without you, maybe, I would not understand how beautiful the creative process is, that the whole meaning of it is being open to something one does not yet grasp, however acrid the way. And at the very least, I would be less empathetic toward others who aspire to follow that way more directly.
But enough of that--just pretend I'm not here.
This is FUTURE CHRIS, come back to the past to inform you that you paid the toll, banished the blank page and were rewarded on this day with something that you were not necessarily looking for, but necessarily were in need of; and that while your attitude toward me is flagellating, mine toward you is tender, generous, and forgiving of faults.
Without you, maybe, I would not understand how beautiful the creative process is, that the whole meaning of it is being open to something one does not yet grasp, however acrid the way. And at the very least, I would be less empathetic toward others who aspire to follow that way more directly.
But enough of that--just pretend I'm not here.
This was a great round, and I was really impressed by both the respectfulness and the analytical rigor of the participants. It was very useful for me, anyway; though it seems, like Celestia, that I read my own prophecy when I came back from the future to offer support to Chris (I also happen to be a 'Chris'!").
>>Chris
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rubidium
>>Forcalor
In this story, Matilda has passed.
How do we know? (How are we supposed to know?)
A few allusions to death: how she "descends from parted clouds", and how Cranky shuts the door on his guests "like a coffin lid".
The big clue is supposed to be Fluttershy's encomium to MLM and how it gets us motivated, sometimes, to pretend; followed by Cranky hearing Matilda's voice "lilting, from inside."
The point is not to trick the reader but to have them engage with the subject without preconceptions. Being so subtle is risky, and in this case, was not executed skillfully enough.
Straightaway I would remove Fluttershy's last line, first because the touch of dark humor adds too many layers to what is happening, and second because one has to be careful with irony, generally (it's a double-edged sword in terms of reader rapport).
So:
Matilda has died, and Cranky wants to repeat his happiest moment. He invents a son to this end, which constitutes his inner monologue. His visits to Ponyville only tell him about himself: physically weak, afraid of aging, etc. He is in an absurd situation. His charade is exposed by an insufferable solicitor, who is herself roped in a scheme. Amiable Fluttershy points this out to him in an innocent way, and he winds up with quite a different message from that in "A Friend In Deed".
I have thought about having Matilda in the dialogue slipping in something along the lines of, "The Lord giveth", but with less scriptural overtone.
Thanks to everyone who read and commented, and to Groaning for once again providing artwork--you, sir, are a prince.
>>Chris
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rubidium
>>Forcalor
In this story, Matilda has passed.
How do we know? (How are we supposed to know?)
A few allusions to death: how she "descends from parted clouds", and how Cranky shuts the door on his guests "like a coffin lid".
The big clue is supposed to be Fluttershy's encomium to MLM and how it gets us motivated, sometimes, to pretend; followed by Cranky hearing Matilda's voice "lilting, from inside."
The point is not to trick the reader but to have them engage with the subject without preconceptions. Being so subtle is risky, and in this case, was not executed skillfully enough.
Straightaway I would remove Fluttershy's last line, first because the touch of dark humor adds too many layers to what is happening, and second because one has to be careful with irony, generally (it's a double-edged sword in terms of reader rapport).
So:
Matilda has died, and Cranky wants to repeat his happiest moment. He invents a son to this end, which constitutes his inner monologue. His visits to Ponyville only tell him about himself: physically weak, afraid of aging, etc. He is in an absurd situation. His charade is exposed by an insufferable solicitor, who is herself roped in a scheme. Amiable Fluttershy points this out to him in an innocent way, and he winds up with quite a different message from that in "A Friend In Deed".
I have thought about having Matilda in the dialogue slipping in something along the lines of, "The Lord giveth", but with less scriptural overtone.
Thanks to everyone who read and commented, and to Groaning for once again providing artwork--you, sir, are a prince.
I just don't understand the issue with Applejack and Rainbow Dash sharing ice cream in the closet.
Was it an intervention for an overweight friend? Was it a pizza party for Sweetie Belle, where adults were discouraged from causing too much disruption? Was the ice cream of a special vintage, to be saved for the occasion of Rarity's first born child?
Perhaps during a muggy night in the city one might be agonized by the memory of a damned cold treat--but AJ and RD can hardly be blamed for that, whatever the circumstance might have been.
This is a kind of cautionary tale against traveling to Italy, in my view. Stay away if you don't want your taste in artisanal food products get in the way of friendly interactions with your cider-guzzling townie friends.
Excellent word count.
Was it an intervention for an overweight friend? Was it a pizza party for Sweetie Belle, where adults were discouraged from causing too much disruption? Was the ice cream of a special vintage, to be saved for the occasion of Rarity's first born child?
Perhaps during a muggy night in the city one might be agonized by the memory of a damned cold treat--but AJ and RD can hardly be blamed for that, whatever the circumstance might have been.
This is a kind of cautionary tale against traveling to Italy, in my view. Stay away if you don't want your taste in artisanal food products get in the way of friendly interactions with your cider-guzzling townie friends.
Excellent word count.
>>Pascoite
>>GroaningGreyAgony
"Creeping Dread" does not figure very predominately in my own emotional repertoire, so for this prompt, I tried to inhabit someone else's point of view.
'Nikki' is the name of my younger sister's best friend, who died many years ago from cancer when they were both still young.
I had my own scare this year, and while I was visiting her over the summer, we had some very serious talks. She said that with the memory of Nikki, and with Covid, and with my own recent troubles, that she has begun to see "clocks over people's heads".
There's turmoil. But my purport was to articulate the feeling of two different kinds of time: one which plays out in the conventional way, with graduations, weddings, kids, etc., where our actions seem to have a place and a course; and the other a "dismay" of this kind of time, which hangs over us, as with the moon's turns.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
"Creeping Dread" does not figure very predominately in my own emotional repertoire, so for this prompt, I tried to inhabit someone else's point of view.
'Nikki' is the name of my younger sister's best friend, who died many years ago from cancer when they were both still young.
I had my own scare this year, and while I was visiting her over the summer, we had some very serious talks. She said that with the memory of Nikki, and with Covid, and with my own recent troubles, that she has begun to see "clocks over people's heads".
There's turmoil. But my purport was to articulate the feeling of two different kinds of time: one which plays out in the conventional way, with graduations, weddings, kids, etc., where our actions seem to have a place and a course; and the other a "dismay" of this kind of time, which hangs over us, as with the moon's turns.
Ah, good, it looks like there are several entries. It turns out writing is fun after all.