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Gold medal
Counterfeit
FiM Short Story
1st
100%
341
Pumpkin Talk
Gold medal
In the Night Time
Poetry Minific
1st
100%
51
Sweat
Silver medal
Creeping Dread
Poetry Minific
2nd
67%
26
Nikki
Mortarboard
Seeing Double
FiM Minific
5th
0%
0
Seeing Double
Ribbon
Do or Die
Poetry Short Short
4th
0%
0
Do or Die
#25374 · 2
· on Neighapolitan
I just don't understand the issue with Applejack and Rainbow Dash sharing ice cream in the closet.

Was it an intervention for an overweight friend? Was it a pizza party for Sweetie Belle, where adults were discouraged from causing too much disruption? Was the ice cream of a special vintage, to be saved for the occasion of Rarity's first born child?

Perhaps during a muggy night in the city one might be agonized by the memory of a damned cold treat--but AJ and RD can hardly be blamed for that, whatever the circumstance might have been.

This is a kind of cautionary tale against traveling to Italy, in my view. Stay away if you don't want your taste in artisanal food products get in the way of friendly interactions with your cider-guzzling townie friends.

Excellent word count.
#25445 · 2
· on Nikki
>>Pascoite
>>GroaningGreyAgony
"Creeping Dread" does not figure very predominately in my own emotional repertoire, so for this prompt, I tried to inhabit someone else's point of view.

'Nikki' is the name of my younger sister's best friend, who died many years ago from cancer when they were both still young.

I had my own scare this year, and while I was visiting her over the summer, we had some very serious talks. She said that with the memory of Nikki, and with Covid, and with my own recent troubles, that she has begun to see "clocks over people's heads".

There's turmoil. But my purport was to articulate the feeling of two different kinds of time: one which plays out in the conventional way, with graduations, weddings, kids, etc., where our actions seem to have a place and a course; and the other a "dismay" of this kind of time, which hangs over us, as with the moon's turns.
#25300 · 1
· on H Bomb · >>Monokeras
I think this story would benefit from a more careful prewriting process. There are lots of ideas flying about--it's a "gamma ray blast" of its own.

See if you can "see" the whole piece before drafting--not every detail, but having a sense of the beginning, middle, and end.

This will help you decide what is necessary or not as you revise your story.

Keep going!
#25363 · 1
· on The Fairy Console · >>Monokeras
That puppy is the villain of this short tale.

We have a hand in the suffering which war, and teenage sexuality, bring. The fairy console is a meager consolation.

Puppies are innocent. This means they are free of the weight of regret. Ana, however, is bed-ridden by the conclusion, and "staring at the ceiling for a long time."

Perhaps she has a long-lost brother, a Gregor Samsa who has undergone a repulsive transformation. She cannot live with him. Soon she will be throwing apples, trying to repel its mocking presence. She will have to explain it to the neighbors. And it won't suffice to say that it came from the old toy. There is no excuse for it--only that's just how things are.

Maybe another war would solve the issue.
#25364 · 1
· on Working Cats
The style is pleasantly onomatopoeiac. All the adverbs are in the right places; every action has no more and no less the proper amount of rogue. The writer is therefore effective at communicating a narrative without dialogue. He (she) is the funk drummer who, putting the backbeat on just the precise part of the pocket, signals the liquored patrons that it's universal time to hit the dance floor.

However, I am left feeling flat on the thematic level. The story seems to miss what is interesting about both what is modern and what is a fairy tale, and reads as a bit of a narrative portmanteau.
#25432 · 1
· on Game of Ruse and Boon · >>GroaningGreyAgony
My favorite noun in this lyric poem is 'Dark hands'. The administrators of the 'boon' are the most teasing and ambiguous feature of this portraiture, and seem to portend an entire world which abounds about our ghouls. Though, I suppose, it's best we aren't too insistent on the matter--otherwise we're in for a 'ruse'.
#25293 ·
· on Lace Over Chitin · >>thebandbrony
Clever handling of subtext.

Palette’s hoof slipped. Bright red pony blood wept across Chrysalis’s left leg lace. The queen reached out towards the earth pony. A delicate sound filled the room, that of fine imported lace tearing.


is condensed and effective.

I enjoy how Chrysalis suspects Palette's 'inclination' before she herself does.

The lace is useful as a metaphor but could be powerful as a concrete image. The writer wants to 'relate':

It’s ponies that are the real monsters[...]we hurt you, and you continue to pour out your love like the wound is not there. Love is your treachery. It reveals us.


Find a way to let the lace 'relate'.
#25301 ·
· on A View of Both Sides · >>GroaningGreyAgony
This is a superb little morsel.

I originally misread "Rural Delivery" as "Rural Devil", but was delighted with it. It was a pawn move out of nowhere which won the game.

However, "Rural Delivery" is cute, and more apropos to the writer's intent.
#25307 ·
· on Counterfeit Image · >>PinoyPony
You saw the beginning!

One strategy you might employ next time you're in a prompt context is working backwards from the ending. Let it come to you in a "flash".
#25308 ·
· on Seeing Double
Her sapphire confidence had been blunted with glaucous gray


I'm surprised she didn't turn purple from being sketched in such a turgid style. The characters all sound alike, and the punchline of this shaggy dog story got locked in the house, where it was forgotten behind a bric-a-brac yard.