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The Twilight Show
The lights of the library went out.
"Goodnight Twilight!" Spike said.
"Goodnight Spike!" Twilight replied. She yawned.
In the gloom, Spike heard, rather than saw, her lying onto the floor. There was a small rustle as her head came to rest on the magazines' rough heap — that's all they'd found that could pass as pillow; books would've been so much uncomfortable.
He settled onto the ground himself and waited.
"Twilight?" he whispered, after five minutes or so.
The snoring of his master was the only answer he got.
"Twilight?" he whispered again, to no avail. Satisfied, he stood up and – his eyes now used to the dim ambient light – tiptoed to the stairs, then down and across the wide room. He stopped in front of door and knocked three times with his paw. It cracked open, and Spike snuck through the chink into the corridor.
He blinked as the strong light overflowed his vision. "Does she sleep?" Celestia's familiar voice asked.
He nodded. "Yes."
"Wonderful!" Celestia picked him up in her arms, pecked his muzzle and put him back onto the ground. "You've done amazing. Do you need something? Water? Food?"
"No. It's alright. We're fine."
"Okay! Then… goodnight?"
"Goodnight!" Spike replied. Celestia reopened the door and Spike disappeared inside.
Celestia walked down the corridor to the hallway where Luna and Sunset Shimmer were waiting. The others were already outside, gathered in the frontage.
"She's asleep?" Luna asked.
"So it seems," Celestia said.
"That didn't take too long," Sunset Shimmer chuckled.
"You too passed out almost immediately," Celestia replied.
"Bleh! I remember that. Overnighting in the toilets with TP rolls as pillow. What a disgrace. I shall never forgive you, do you hear? Never!" She beamed to the princess.
"I don't expect you to!" Celestia quipped back. "Shall we go now?" she added and, not waiting for an answer, set off to the entrance door. The two others followed suit.
As they walked down the magnificent front stairs, they were joined by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Princess?" Scootaloo asked Celestia. "I beg your pardon, but I don't understand the point of all this." In a gesture she took in the school, the other people and touched her human body in wonder.
"It's a test every future princess must take," Sunset Shimmer replied. "To demonstrate they're fit for command."
"But… Why all this setup? This weird place? These strange bodies?"
"A princess's strength of mind can only be assessed by sending her away into a totally alien environment, stripping her magical power away, giving her a strong opponent and monitor how she reacts," Celestial explained. "That's why this place was created. And," she added after a pause, "we have a formidable bad egg this time!" She smiled to Sunset, who blushed slightly.
"You took the test yourself?" Sweetie Belle asked Sunset Shimmer, who nodded.
"Who was your enemy?"
"She was called Starlight Glimmer," Sunset replied.
Celestia sighed audibly.
"Why didn't you become a princess then? You failed?" Applebloom asked.
Sunset giggled. "No. I simply opted out and chose a more… mundane life?"
There was a hush. The garden looked eerie in the wan light dispensed by the overhead moon-shaped lamp.
"EH!" Celestia suddenly shouted, waving to Derpy, who was leaning heavily on the horse statue plinth. "Don't do that! It's only made up of a thin layer of plaster. You risk damaging it!"
Derpy bolted upright and muttered an excuse.
Walking along the main path, the small party was joined by all the various ponies who'd helped as extras.
"Will she succeed? I mean, Twilight," Scootaloo went on.
"I'm positive she will," Luna replied. "She's shown a lot of guts and gumption."
"Is there a sort of… winning strategy?"
"Uh-uh," Celestia shook her head. "In fact, there's no way to win. It's a test of character."
"Unless you cheat, of course!" Sunset added with an impish smile.
Chatting along, they reached the outer hull on which the background scene was painted. Celestia stopped and turned to face the crowd. "Alright folks!" she said. "I want you all back tomorrow morning at five sharp. Thanks so much for your involvement and now, goodnight!"
She pressed a hidden button and a panel slid open. Ponies walked through the opening in tandem, reassuming their true self in the process. When nopony was left, Celestia pressed the button again, causing the panel to slide back closed.
She sighed, turned, and shuffled back to the large building.
"Goodnight Twilight!" Spike said.
"Goodnight Spike!" Twilight replied. She yawned.
In the gloom, Spike heard, rather than saw, her lying onto the floor. There was a small rustle as her head came to rest on the magazines' rough heap — that's all they'd found that could pass as pillow; books would've been so much uncomfortable.
He settled onto the ground himself and waited.
"Twilight?" he whispered, after five minutes or so.
The snoring of his master was the only answer he got.
"Twilight?" he whispered again, to no avail. Satisfied, he stood up and – his eyes now used to the dim ambient light – tiptoed to the stairs, then down and across the wide room. He stopped in front of door and knocked three times with his paw. It cracked open, and Spike snuck through the chink into the corridor.
He blinked as the strong light overflowed his vision. "Does she sleep?" Celestia's familiar voice asked.
He nodded. "Yes."
"Wonderful!" Celestia picked him up in her arms, pecked his muzzle and put him back onto the ground. "You've done amazing. Do you need something? Water? Food?"
"No. It's alright. We're fine."
"Okay! Then… goodnight?"
"Goodnight!" Spike replied. Celestia reopened the door and Spike disappeared inside.
***
Celestia walked down the corridor to the hallway where Luna and Sunset Shimmer were waiting. The others were already outside, gathered in the frontage.
"She's asleep?" Luna asked.
"So it seems," Celestia said.
"That didn't take too long," Sunset Shimmer chuckled.
"You too passed out almost immediately," Celestia replied.
"Bleh! I remember that. Overnighting in the toilets with TP rolls as pillow. What a disgrace. I shall never forgive you, do you hear? Never!" She beamed to the princess.
"I don't expect you to!" Celestia quipped back. "Shall we go now?" she added and, not waiting for an answer, set off to the entrance door. The two others followed suit.
As they walked down the magnificent front stairs, they were joined by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
"Princess?" Scootaloo asked Celestia. "I beg your pardon, but I don't understand the point of all this." In a gesture she took in the school, the other people and touched her human body in wonder.
"It's a test every future princess must take," Sunset Shimmer replied. "To demonstrate they're fit for command."
"But… Why all this setup? This weird place? These strange bodies?"
"A princess's strength of mind can only be assessed by sending her away into a totally alien environment, stripping her magical power away, giving her a strong opponent and monitor how she reacts," Celestial explained. "That's why this place was created. And," she added after a pause, "we have a formidable bad egg this time!" She smiled to Sunset, who blushed slightly.
"You took the test yourself?" Sweetie Belle asked Sunset Shimmer, who nodded.
"Who was your enemy?"
"She was called Starlight Glimmer," Sunset replied.
Celestia sighed audibly.
"Why didn't you become a princess then? You failed?" Applebloom asked.
Sunset giggled. "No. I simply opted out and chose a more… mundane life?"
There was a hush. The garden looked eerie in the wan light dispensed by the overhead moon-shaped lamp.
"EH!" Celestia suddenly shouted, waving to Derpy, who was leaning heavily on the horse statue plinth. "Don't do that! It's only made up of a thin layer of plaster. You risk damaging it!"
Derpy bolted upright and muttered an excuse.
Walking along the main path, the small party was joined by all the various ponies who'd helped as extras.
"Will she succeed? I mean, Twilight," Scootaloo went on.
"I'm positive she will," Luna replied. "She's shown a lot of guts and gumption."
"Is there a sort of… winning strategy?"
"Uh-uh," Celestia shook her head. "In fact, there's no way to win. It's a test of character."
"Unless you cheat, of course!" Sunset added with an impish smile.
Chatting along, they reached the outer hull on which the background scene was painted. Celestia stopped and turned to face the crowd. "Alright folks!" she said. "I want you all back tomorrow morning at five sharp. Thanks so much for your involvement and now, goodnight!"
She pressed a hidden button and a panel slid open. Ponies walked through the opening in tandem, reassuming their true self in the process. When nopony was left, Celestia pressed the button again, causing the panel to slide back closed.
She sighed, turned, and shuffled back to the large building.
Well, I get the reference on this one, at least! It's a decent concept, pretty well written. I think my only complaint is it feels like there's a bit of a plot hole with Sunset's role here. So Twilight became a princess and then was sent to be tested? But Sunset was tested first and then chose not to become a princess? That seemed odd. Otherwise, though, it works very well for what it is.
I like the concept. Voices for Celestia and Sunset need a little bit of work, I think. I also think some of the intro where Spike makes sure Twilight is asleep could have been cut in favor of a few words on the timeline issues ("I normally set this test to ponies before they get their wings, but...<whatever explanation you want>") and maybe a few more in the explanation generally.
It would be fun to see this expanded into a story where Twilight has a 'Truman Show' moment with this test instead of just running through the EqG plot.
It would be fun to see this expanded into a story where Twilight has a 'Truman Show' moment with this test instead of just running through the EqG plot.
A very good premice nicely executed that could lead to an amazing multi chapter story.
However, I'll second what >>SPark said. The whole thing with Sunset creates a lot of plot holes that I couldn't quickly fill by myself. Maybe when you'll rework on it for FIMFic (I would be curious to see it).
However, I'll second what >>SPark said. The whole thing with Sunset creates a lot of plot holes that I couldn't quickly fill by myself. Maybe when you'll rework on it for FIMFic (I would be curious to see it).
A-ha! That explains everything!
Wait... No, no it doesn't... Eh, I still like it more than the actual plot of Equestria Girls.
This is a story entertains a very interesting concept, with a Grand Chessmaster Celestia being played for laughs, as well as some interesting characterization for everyone else.
Others have raised the issues that this presents a few set of contradictions and plot holes of its own, but I don't see that as a problem with this story being short, but rather that this story seems to fit as a scene in a much larger story, and analysing it with that in mind, I think it works pretty well as it stands. It gives enough information to imagine the full picture, while still developing enough to keep us intrigued.
Would I like to read the complete story in which this scene fits in? Definitely, but I can't in good conscience use that to judge this story. It's effective and it leaves me intrigued.
Wait... No, no it doesn't... Eh, I still like it more than the actual plot of Equestria Girls.
This is a story entertains a very interesting concept, with a Grand Chessmaster Celestia being played for laughs, as well as some interesting characterization for everyone else.
Others have raised the issues that this presents a few set of contradictions and plot holes of its own, but I don't see that as a problem with this story being short, but rather that this story seems to fit as a scene in a much larger story, and analysing it with that in mind, I think it works pretty well as it stands. It gives enough information to imagine the full picture, while still developing enough to keep us intrigued.
Would I like to read the complete story in which this scene fits in? Definitely, but I can't in good conscience use that to judge this story. It's effective and it leaves me intrigued.
Huh. It's an original conceit, I'll give you that. I mean, except for where it's borrowed from the Truman Show... I guess what I mean is that I haven't seen this crossover done before, and this is a fairly good way to do it.
Unfortunately, to me it feels more like an extended infodump than a dramatic story. It's a 'this is neat' fic with an idea so big, by the time it gets to the end of describing it, we're done. And, admittedly, it's pretty neat. But there's not much more to it than that.
There are some rough spots in the narration/dialogue, too. 'beamed to', 'formidable bad egg', just slightly odd word choices. It's understandable, but doesn't really flow quite right.
This is far from bad, but it's not really impressive to me, either.
Unfortunately, to me it feels more like an extended infodump than a dramatic story. It's a 'this is neat' fic with an idea so big, by the time it gets to the end of describing it, we're done. And, admittedly, it's pretty neat. But there's not much more to it than that.
There are some rough spots in the narration/dialogue, too. 'beamed to', 'formidable bad egg', just slightly odd word choices. It's understandable, but doesn't really flow quite right.
This is far from bad, but it's not really impressive to me, either.
Canterlot High as a Kobayashi Maru scenario is definitely an interesting concept, but it raises way too many questions. I dare you to tell me that Applejack could manage to not break character that entire time, much less Pinkie. Still, as far as insane little snippets go, this one wasn’t bad. Very exposition heavy in order to get the idea across, but not bad.
Interesting concept, and I'm ashamed to say I didn't get the Truman Show reference (despite the title) until reading other comments. I guess I've just read too much sci-fi where this sort of thing happens for a Jim Carrey movie to be my go to. My actual first thought was Ascension (short lived syfy series.)
Regardless of my enthusiasm for the set-up, the plot holes it leaves me with are huge. The premise causes far, far more questions than it answers. On top of that, the story itself doesn't do much except set up the premise. There's no character growth beyond that, and so I'm going to say something rarely said in these minific contests. This story was longer than it needed to be.
Still, decent writing, so goes to the middle of the pack.
Regardless of my enthusiasm for the set-up, the plot holes it leaves me with are huge. The premise causes far, far more questions than it answers. On top of that, the story itself doesn't do much except set up the premise. There's no character growth beyond that, and so I'm going to say something rarely said in these minific contests. This story was longer than it needed to be.
Still, decent writing, so goes to the middle of the pack.
This story really creates more questions than it answers, and I admit that the extension of the conspiracy is quite vast, considering the common wisdom "Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
All that aside, the idea is quite interesting and the brief scene we had here is fun. The writing is solid and it was a nice read.
Expand it, answer some of those pesky questions and you have prime material here. As it is, it's nice but a bit unsatisfying.
All that aside, the idea is quite interesting and the brief scene we had here is fun. The writing is solid and it was a nice read.
Expand it, answer some of those pesky questions and you have prime material here. As it is, it's nice but a bit unsatisfying.
I don't like the narration referring to Twilight as Spike's master... the implication is that their normal relationship is analogous to that of a person and their dog.
Also, Scootaloo's line feels wrong coming from her voice. Ditto Luna's. I can't hear her using the word "gumption" under any circumstances.
The premise is amusing, as a subversion of the whole EqG storyline, but it raises a number of questions and opens more plotholes than you can shake a Spiderses at. Not sure how to feel, but it's probably going to wind up below average on my slate because of that.
Also, Scootaloo's line feels wrong coming from her voice. Ditto Luna's. I can't hear her using the word "gumption" under any circumstances.
The premise is amusing, as a subversion of the whole EqG storyline, but it raises a number of questions and opens more plotholes than you can shake a Spiderses at. Not sure how to feel, but it's probably going to wind up below average on my slate because of that.