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Good Little Bunny
“…and the butcher cut the wolf’s belly open and Red Hood Bunny jumped out of it. And he hugged his dad tight, and they hopped happily back to their burrow.” Dad pauses and smiles. “And that’s the end of the story! Goodnight Son!” He stands up and switches the light off.
“Dad?!” Good Little Bunny says.
“Yes?”
“Have the wolves always eaten rabbits?”
Dad chortles. “Yes, Son. So it has been since the beggining of time, and so will it be until the world ends… Goodnight again!” Dad hunches over and kisses him.
“Goodnight Dad!”
The next morning, Good Little Bunny wakes at dawn. All the burrow is silent. He rolls in his bed, trying to get back to sleep, but he isn’t tired anymore, so he gets up silently, tiptoes to the burrow’s door and goes outside for a stroll. The forest is alive with the chirping of the birds, and the grass is covered in dew. It’s so nice to hop and land on the soft moss…
“Eh!” Good Little Bunny exclaims. “Isn’t that a carrot?”
Across a small glade, perched on a stump, a carrot lies in the middle of a shaft of sunlight. Good Little Bunny licks his chops. He senses that something is wrong, but he can’t resist. A few leaps and he greedily bites into the luscious vegetable.
“Kweek!” squeaks the carrot.
“Shoot!” blurts Good Little Bunny.
“Hehe!” giggles the wolf, hidden behind a large tree, as the snare grabs the helpless bunny.
The wolf trusses him up, then puts him into his rucksack.
“Are you going to eat me?” Good Little Bunny asks in a quivering voice.
“No,” the wolf answers, “you’re far too bony. I’ve got some other plans for you. I need workforce in my factory.”
The wolf carries him to his factory. It’s a grey, ugly building surrounded by a barbed wire fence and crowned by chimneys that belch noxious dark fumes. Inside, a platoon of famished bunnies works all day to produce snares that the wolf sells to other wolves for them to catch rabbits.
“Now you’ll work for me,” the wolf says to Good Little Bunny. “And don’t even think about shirking or fleeing, or I shall stew your ears.”
And so does Good Little Bunny’s new life begin: every morning he must wake at eight prompt and, after a quick and light breakfast, a long stretch of work awaits him until nightfall: stuff orange and green fabrics and stitch them into fake carrots, lug boxes full of raw material, weave ropes into nets, pack the snares into parcels waiting to be shipped, again and again, on and on, even Sundays.
But each night, when frazzled Good Little Bunny falls asleep, his dreams always lead him back to his burrow, bathed in the forest’s sweet fragrance, where his parents and siblings mourn his loss…
And one day an idea pops in his mind.
The following night, he gathers his fellow comrades outside the factory and spells out his plan.
“It’s too risky,” another bunny points out. “It won’t work, and we’ll all end in the wolf’s belly…”
“What do we have to lose?” Good Little Bunny retorts. “The wolf will eat us anyway when we’ll be too weak to work any more…”
The next morning, Good Little Bunny sits on a big box, arms and legs crossed. The wolf glares daggers at him. “You’d better get to work right away,” the wolf warns, “or your bones will snap under my teeth.”
But Good Little Bunny does not answer, and doggedly remains still, as if ignoring the wolf’s threat.
“Don’t try my patience,” the wolf snarls. “One… two… and three!” At this word, the wolf, all claws out, pounces on the poor bunny.
“Kweek!” squeaks the bunny as the wolf sinks his teeth into him.
“Darn!” blurts the wolf as a rope, springing out of nowhere, suddenly tightens around his neck.
“Hurrah!” whoop the rabbits all together.
Since then, the bunnies still work at the factory. But it’s not the same factory: it’s a factory painted in bright colours where merry songs echo around all day long. The old, sooty chimneys have been brought down and the fence replaced by hornbeam hedges. And now the bunnies work for themselves, making fake bunny snares that they sell to other bunnies all over the country for them to catch big bad wolves.
And their business works wonders!
“Dad?!” Good Little Bunny says.
“Yes?”
“Have the wolves always eaten rabbits?”
Dad chortles. “Yes, Son. So it has been since the beggining of time, and so will it be until the world ends… Goodnight again!” Dad hunches over and kisses him.
“Goodnight Dad!”
The next morning, Good Little Bunny wakes at dawn. All the burrow is silent. He rolls in his bed, trying to get back to sleep, but he isn’t tired anymore, so he gets up silently, tiptoes to the burrow’s door and goes outside for a stroll. The forest is alive with the chirping of the birds, and the grass is covered in dew. It’s so nice to hop and land on the soft moss…
“Eh!” Good Little Bunny exclaims. “Isn’t that a carrot?”
Across a small glade, perched on a stump, a carrot lies in the middle of a shaft of sunlight. Good Little Bunny licks his chops. He senses that something is wrong, but he can’t resist. A few leaps and he greedily bites into the luscious vegetable.
“Kweek!” squeaks the carrot.
“Shoot!” blurts Good Little Bunny.
“Hehe!” giggles the wolf, hidden behind a large tree, as the snare grabs the helpless bunny.
The wolf trusses him up, then puts him into his rucksack.
“Are you going to eat me?” Good Little Bunny asks in a quivering voice.
“No,” the wolf answers, “you’re far too bony. I’ve got some other plans for you. I need workforce in my factory.”
The wolf carries him to his factory. It’s a grey, ugly building surrounded by a barbed wire fence and crowned by chimneys that belch noxious dark fumes. Inside, a platoon of famished bunnies works all day to produce snares that the wolf sells to other wolves for them to catch rabbits.
“Now you’ll work for me,” the wolf says to Good Little Bunny. “And don’t even think about shirking or fleeing, or I shall stew your ears.”
And so does Good Little Bunny’s new life begin: every morning he must wake at eight prompt and, after a quick and light breakfast, a long stretch of work awaits him until nightfall: stuff orange and green fabrics and stitch them into fake carrots, lug boxes full of raw material, weave ropes into nets, pack the snares into parcels waiting to be shipped, again and again, on and on, even Sundays.
But each night, when frazzled Good Little Bunny falls asleep, his dreams always lead him back to his burrow, bathed in the forest’s sweet fragrance, where his parents and siblings mourn his loss…
And one day an idea pops in his mind.
The following night, he gathers his fellow comrades outside the factory and spells out his plan.
“It’s too risky,” another bunny points out. “It won’t work, and we’ll all end in the wolf’s belly…”
“What do we have to lose?” Good Little Bunny retorts. “The wolf will eat us anyway when we’ll be too weak to work any more…”
The next morning, Good Little Bunny sits on a big box, arms and legs crossed. The wolf glares daggers at him. “You’d better get to work right away,” the wolf warns, “or your bones will snap under my teeth.”
But Good Little Bunny does not answer, and doggedly remains still, as if ignoring the wolf’s threat.
“Don’t try my patience,” the wolf snarls. “One… two… and three!” At this word, the wolf, all claws out, pounces on the poor bunny.
“Kweek!” squeaks the bunny as the wolf sinks his teeth into him.
“Darn!” blurts the wolf as a rope, springing out of nowhere, suddenly tightens around his neck.
“Hurrah!” whoop the rabbits all together.
Since then, the bunnies still work at the factory. But it’s not the same factory: it’s a factory painted in bright colours where merry songs echo around all day long. The old, sooty chimneys have been brought down and the fence replaced by hornbeam hedges. And now the bunnies work for themselves, making fake bunny snares that they sell to other bunnies all over the country for them to catch big bad wolves.
And their business works wonders!
this one left me disoriented, which is not necessarily a bad thing
I feel like it's an anti-capitalism screed? I'm pretty sure? There's a joke here that I'm feeling left out of.
It is decently funny, but, mmm, with a pissed-off edge. It's... hmm. An unsubtle satire and farce.
I mean look there is an inherent tension if you are going to write a political minific: it's best in political stories if you don't strawman, but it's not really feasible not to strawman in 750 or less. So I just don't think this kind of story can really hit hard in a minific format except maybe with readers who also want to rail against the system?
On the other hand, I'm not even completely sure that there is an intended political meaning. This could just as easily be a satire of politically-motivated stories. So I'm just kind of thinking with my chin in my hand for now...
I feel like it's an anti-capitalism screed? I'm pretty sure? There's a joke here that I'm feeling left out of.
It is decently funny, but, mmm, with a pissed-off edge. It's... hmm. An unsubtle satire and farce.
I mean look there is an inherent tension if you are going to write a political minific: it's best in political stories if you don't strawman, but it's not really feasible not to strawman in 750 or less. So I just don't think this kind of story can really hit hard in a minific format except maybe with readers who also want to rail against the system?
On the other hand, I'm not even completely sure that there is an intended political meaning. This could just as easily be a satire of politically-motivated stories. So I'm just kind of thinking with my chin in my hand for now...
This seems like it is trying to be about capitalism and communism, but capitalism doesn't work this way, making this a false allegory.
I'm not really sure what else to say about this; it is very fableish and seems like the sort of story a communist might tell to talk about how awesome communism is, but given that the core of the story is deceptive, it is kind of dishonest.
I'm not really sure what else to say about this; it is very fableish and seems like the sort of story a communist might tell to talk about how awesome communism is, but given that the core of the story is deceptive, it is kind of dishonest.
The beginning was interesting, gave a bit of world building. There was tension buildup during the trap scene, up until I need workforce in my factory.
The rest of the story is, well, boring. I'd rather not read about someone working, I do enough working myself.
The turn around is cliche and was decently obvious, and the ending predictable.
Without the factory and political angle, this could have been cute fluffy tail.
4.5/10
The rest of the story is, well, boring. I'd rather not read about someone working, I do enough working myself.
The turn around is cliche and was decently obvious, and the ending predictable.
Without the factory and political angle, this could have been cute fluffy tail.
4.5/10
The opening doesn't really seem to relate to the rest of the story much. Actually, since the rest of the story has a very 'stylized' feel, I'd suggest leaving it off entirely, because it's like 'storytime's over!' but then the rest of the story also reads like a fair-tale or something.
While this tells an actual story (which is good) it had some bits like that which bugged me, and it doesn't really seem to have a strong overall message. I didn't get feelings of it being either super capitalist or communist, unlike some of the above readers.
“Kweek!” squeaks the carrot.really confused me. My first thought was a joke: "The barkeep asked why we carried weapons inside, we said mimics. He laughed, we laughed, the table laughed. We killed the table. It was a good time."
While this tells an actual story (which is good) it had some bits like that which bugged me, and it doesn't really seem to have a strong overall message. I didn't get feelings of it being either super capitalist or communist, unlike some of the above readers.
The Trapper's trap, trapped the Trapper.
While I could argue about the twisting of the original story, but I guess it still works here, setting up the stage.
It was quite the fluffy little tail, alright. Just one item, the scene brakes doesn't seem to conform to the purpose put forth here. While they may be correctly put, where they are.
While I could argue about the twisting of the original story, but I guess it still works here, setting up the stage.
It was quite the fluffy little tail, alright. Just one item, the scene brakes doesn't seem to conform to the purpose put forth here. While they may be correctly put, where they are.
I don't think the first scene actually adds anything to the story and could probably be cut. The predator/prey relationship doesn't need to be explained.
Beyond that, I'm not quite sure what to do with this. So this does seem like a fairly obvious work allegory of some sort, but the elements don't quite add up? Ultimately, I'm not quite sure where this is going. Like, there are a few weird things here (the wolves employ the bunnies to get more bunnies to employ, the bunnies very much become the same thing they resented, the bunny apparently forgets all about home, etc).
Dunno. Ultimately it just doesn't click with me.
Beyond that, I'm not quite sure what to do with this. So this does seem like a fairly obvious work allegory of some sort, but the elements don't quite add up? Ultimately, I'm not quite sure where this is going. Like, there are a few weird things here (the wolves employ the bunnies to get more bunnies to employ, the bunnies very much become the same thing they resented, the bunny apparently forgets all about home, etc).
Dunno. Ultimately it just doesn't click with me.
