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Memories
Morning. She was supposed to be my morning...
Princess Celestia stepped onto the royal terrace. Thousands of ponies held their breath in anticipation. Today's Summer Sun Celebration marked ten years since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, a monuments occasion for all of Equestria. Ponies all across the land had gathered in Canterlot to witness the event and treasure the memory for posterity.
The Princess gave the matte little thought. With a regal smile, she lowered her horn, then raised it back up, bringing the sun along with it.
Twenty seven. She would have been twenty seven today.
Cheers erupted. Ponies through the city, and everywhere across Equestria, rejoiced. A new year had begun, full of hope and happiness. Never had the joy of thousands felt so painful.
"Sister?" Luna asked as the Sun Princess passed by her. "Is something bothering you?"
"I'll be in the west tower," Celestia said not providing a reply. "Please, take care of things while—" She stopped. Sorry, Lulu. Some things even you can't know. "Take care of the celebration for me."
Luna tilted her head slightly. Her mouth opened to form a question, or maybe make a remark. Before the a sound managed to leave her lips Celestia shook her head. Don't ask. Please don't ask.
"Okay, Sis." Luna nodded. "I'll deal with it."
There was no thank you, no words of encouragement. Celestia trotted through the corridor, leaving her sister and the crowd's cheers behind her. Palace guards saluted as she went. Pair by pair, their wings touched the side of their helmets again and again, until she reached a section that was empty. No ponies stood on guard there, no servants came or went, just as Celestia had decreed two decades ago.
It was on this day that she cast her first teleportation. She was only seven. Even at that age she so much wanted to impress me. For every time she failed she make ten new attempts, until one day she popped right Obote the cake at the breakfast table.
A smile appeared on Celestia's face. A tear followed.
I hated cake. I've hated it for centuries, but it's the only thing that reminds me of who you were... so innocent and happy, so confused why you were covered in cake...
Celestia made her well up the stairwell. Tapestries covered the walls, yet not a single torch to illuminate them. Celestia had had them removed. She couldn't bare to look upon the scenes they depicted.
She wanted on joining my school for gifted unicorns. There was no need, but she insisted. Did she honestly think I favoured them over her? She was my Morning, my flesh, my souls. She was the greatest joy I had in this realm.
Celestia reached the top of the tower. A massive door of solid gold loomed before her, the image of a setting sun etched into it. Once the door had been made of wood, once the etching had been different.
"Your Majesty," an old unicorn guard approached, the only pony allowed to visit the western tower.
"Goldenmane." Celestia avoided his glance. It brought back too painful memories. Maybe in time, she would be able to, but by then he would be no more.
"I've prepared the room for you." His voice was void of emotion. "Let me know once you've finished."
"Thank you." Celestia hesitated. "Do you want to join me?" she offered. "She was yours as well."
"I've already been there, Majesty." He trotted past her. "I'll be waiting downstairs."
You still haven't forgiven me for what I did. Worry not, my faithful pony, I haven't forgiven myself either. She was supposed to be the answer to Equestria's prayers, all our hopes and dreams. And instead I kept her a secret and forced you to do the same. Little wonder I'd lose her.
The room was spartan. A single bed, a few dolls, and endless shelves of books. Focusing her magic, Celestia cast a spell—a spell she had shown but to one pony. In an instant the walls began to shimmer in the colours of sunset, flooding the room with warm light.
You called that spell your own. Celestia sat on the bed.
"I miss you so much, my daughter," Celestia whispered, tears running down her face. "If I could turn back time I'd have never kept you a secret, I'd never have banished you awayIf." Another wave of cheers echoed from outside. "Please, come back to me, my child. Please, my Sunset Shimmer."
Princess Celestia stepped onto the royal terrace. Thousands of ponies held their breath in anticipation. Today's Summer Sun Celebration marked ten years since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, a monuments occasion for all of Equestria. Ponies all across the land had gathered in Canterlot to witness the event and treasure the memory for posterity.
The Princess gave the matte little thought. With a regal smile, she lowered her horn, then raised it back up, bringing the sun along with it.
Twenty seven. She would have been twenty seven today.
Cheers erupted. Ponies through the city, and everywhere across Equestria, rejoiced. A new year had begun, full of hope and happiness. Never had the joy of thousands felt so painful.
"Sister?" Luna asked as the Sun Princess passed by her. "Is something bothering you?"
"I'll be in the west tower," Celestia said not providing a reply. "Please, take care of things while—" She stopped. Sorry, Lulu. Some things even you can't know. "Take care of the celebration for me."
Luna tilted her head slightly. Her mouth opened to form a question, or maybe make a remark. Before the a sound managed to leave her lips Celestia shook her head. Don't ask. Please don't ask.
"Okay, Sis." Luna nodded. "I'll deal with it."
There was no thank you, no words of encouragement. Celestia trotted through the corridor, leaving her sister and the crowd's cheers behind her. Palace guards saluted as she went. Pair by pair, their wings touched the side of their helmets again and again, until she reached a section that was empty. No ponies stood on guard there, no servants came or went, just as Celestia had decreed two decades ago.
It was on this day that she cast her first teleportation. She was only seven. Even at that age she so much wanted to impress me. For every time she failed she make ten new attempts, until one day she popped right Obote the cake at the breakfast table.
A smile appeared on Celestia's face. A tear followed.
I hated cake. I've hated it for centuries, but it's the only thing that reminds me of who you were... so innocent and happy, so confused why you were covered in cake...
Celestia made her well up the stairwell. Tapestries covered the walls, yet not a single torch to illuminate them. Celestia had had them removed. She couldn't bare to look upon the scenes they depicted.
She wanted on joining my school for gifted unicorns. There was no need, but she insisted. Did she honestly think I favoured them over her? She was my Morning, my flesh, my souls. She was the greatest joy I had in this realm.
Celestia reached the top of the tower. A massive door of solid gold loomed before her, the image of a setting sun etched into it. Once the door had been made of wood, once the etching had been different.
"Your Majesty," an old unicorn guard approached, the only pony allowed to visit the western tower.
"Goldenmane." Celestia avoided his glance. It brought back too painful memories. Maybe in time, she would be able to, but by then he would be no more.
"I've prepared the room for you." His voice was void of emotion. "Let me know once you've finished."
"Thank you." Celestia hesitated. "Do you want to join me?" she offered. "She was yours as well."
"I've already been there, Majesty." He trotted past her. "I'll be waiting downstairs."
You still haven't forgiven me for what I did. Worry not, my faithful pony, I haven't forgiven myself either. She was supposed to be the answer to Equestria's prayers, all our hopes and dreams. And instead I kept her a secret and forced you to do the same. Little wonder I'd lose her.
The room was spartan. A single bed, a few dolls, and endless shelves of books. Focusing her magic, Celestia cast a spell—a spell she had shown but to one pony. In an instant the walls began to shimmer in the colours of sunset, flooding the room with warm light.
You called that spell your own. Celestia sat on the bed.
"I miss you so much, my daughter," Celestia whispered, tears running down her face. "If I could turn back time I'd have never kept you a secret, I'd never have banished you awayIf." Another wave of cheers echoed from outside. "Please, come back to me, my child. Please, my Sunset Shimmer."
Wait, what?
Ten years since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, but Luna's still around? And then... Oh. Oh! You mean the second defeat?
Man, the beginning to this threw me and hard. I'm still not certain I'm reading it right. I originally thought Celestia was mourning the loss of her sister, which was then totally shredded by Luna's presence. Still, no matter how I juggle times and dates in my head, I can't make that really work either? Because if it's ten years since the Elements, then shouldn't the EQG movies have happened? And Sunset being Celestia's student before Twilight doesn't make much sense to me, because I've always figured her as somewhat older than Twi?
I mean, Sunset being Celestia's secret lovechild makes as much sense as any random AU, I guess. But I wasn't really expecting AU here. Or if I was, I was expecting a different one or something, I dunno. :/
On the one hand, I think you've picked a fairly dramatic idea. However, I just can't make heads or tails of what's going on around that, which makes it difficult to add any sort of commentary on the actual story.
Sorry, maybe I'm too tired, but this just seems a little to confused.
Ten years since the defeat of Nightmare Moon, but Luna's still around? And then... Oh. Oh! You mean the second defeat?
Man, the beginning to this threw me and hard. I'm still not certain I'm reading it right. I originally thought Celestia was mourning the loss of her sister, which was then totally shredded by Luna's presence. Still, no matter how I juggle times and dates in my head, I can't make that really work either? Because if it's ten years since the Elements, then shouldn't the EQG movies have happened? And Sunset being Celestia's student before Twilight doesn't make much sense to me, because I've always figured her as somewhat older than Twi?
I mean, Sunset being Celestia's secret lovechild makes as much sense as any random AU, I guess. But I wasn't really expecting AU here. Or if I was, I was expecting a different one or something, I dunno. :/
On the one hand, I think you've picked a fairly dramatic idea. However, I just can't make heads or tails of what's going on around that, which makes it difficult to add any sort of commentary on the actual story.
Sorry, maybe I'm too tired, but this just seems a little to confused.
So, Goldenmane, huh? First thing I thought of was Goldeneye.
*ahem* Right. I've a thing to write...
First, I thought it was Celesta/Luna regret, come to find out it's Celestia/Sunset regret, with the new addition that Sunset is Celestia's daughter. Then, I come across the word "banished" in the last few lines, and get the more lost.
Maybe it's my headcanon getting in the way, maybe there's something in the comics that I haven't heard about, but I was always under the impression that Sunset ran away of her own accord. In that light, the rest of the fic falls painfully flat. Unless, of course, you're referring to Celestia banishing her to the Western Tower, in which case "hidden" might be a better, though perhaps less connotative, word choice. If that's the case, then I can better understand Celestia berating herself for forcing Sunset to live in solitude.
The interpretation of the prompt was... interesting. Sunset, despite her name, is Celestia's morning. It's therefore unspecified when exactly she passed (assuming the phrase, "She would have been twenty-seven" implies her passing). Honestly, that's so downplayed that I'm not even sure that's how this was meant to be interpreted. The buildup was so disguised and so drawn-out, I felt like it actually hurt the story more than it helped it.
That said, this is a compelling idea, and I want to see this explored a little more, a little deeper.
"Ben, for Equestria."
"For Equestria, Author."
*ahem* Right. I've a thing to write...
First, I thought it was Celesta/Luna regret, come to find out it's Celestia/Sunset regret, with the new addition that Sunset is Celestia's daughter. Then, I come across the word "banished" in the last few lines, and get the more lost.
Maybe it's my headcanon getting in the way, maybe there's something in the comics that I haven't heard about, but I was always under the impression that Sunset ran away of her own accord. In that light, the rest of the fic falls painfully flat. Unless, of course, you're referring to Celestia banishing her to the Western Tower, in which case "hidden" might be a better, though perhaps less connotative, word choice. If that's the case, then I can better understand Celestia berating herself for forcing Sunset to live in solitude.
The interpretation of the prompt was... interesting. Sunset, despite her name, is Celestia's morning. It's therefore unspecified when exactly she passed (assuming the phrase, "She would have been twenty-seven" implies her passing). Honestly, that's so downplayed that I'm not even sure that's how this was meant to be interpreted. The buildup was so disguised and so drawn-out, I felt like it actually hurt the story more than it helped it.
That said, this is a compelling idea, and I want to see this explored a little more, a little deeper.
Well, color me confused. Did something happen to Sunset in the human world? Is Celestia mourning Sunset’s decision to stay there? Is this an alternate universe where she met a different fate? You’re really not giving me enough to go on here. I don’t know how to feel about the story since I don’t know what it’s telling me. Expand and clarify and we’ll see how it goes.
The Princess gave the matte little thought.
Isn't it awesome when those composite shots blend seamlessly together? ;D
I tease, but really, this could have used an editing pass; there are quite a few little errors that took me out of the story.
The premise is unclear from the get-go (besides the Nightmare Moon confusion, I join the others in asking why Sunset is dead and who her father is?) and the amount of time we spend in Celestia's head, hearing her thoughts in first-person, makes me wonder why you didn't just go that route for the whole story.
EDIT: Subtle detail I liked: She spends the day in the western tour, specifically. The western tower. In the direction of the setting sun.
You're smart. You're a smart person.
...ten years since the defeat of Nightmare Moon...
This is SUPER CONFUSING. I read the entire story thinking this was taking place in the past, and for some reason Luna was eventually going to time-travel backwards and fight Celestia. I was prepared to nitpick that Luna was canonically much older than seventeen when she fought her sister (by several decades at least, probably a century—consider the timeline for the Castle of the Two Sisters).
I don't think that confusion adds anything to this piece. It muddles it, rather. You should say "since the return of Luna", or something like that. Also, for most citizens, the return of NMM was nary more than a hiccup: Luna returning is the headline there. There's nothing special about the 10th anniversary of a second defeat. The 1000th anniversary of the original defeat was only lightly celebrated.
That said, your years are substantially off, which added to the confusion for me. Twilight was an adult when NMM returned, at least sixteen; and she predated Sunset Shimmer's departure from Celestia by at least a decade. So even if Sunset left when she was unusually young to go out on her own, like fifteen, the correct age at this point in time would need to be at least 40 years old, and perhaps as old as 55. The math requires that she must be at least in her early to mid-30's in EQG, which is one of the main flaws of the movies and a reason some headcanons suggest that in EQG, rainbow people don't age (remember the sirens are centuries old), or maybe time moves at a different rate. The other option is that ponies in Equestria age more quickly (like real horses), but that contradicts a lot of evidence from the show showing young ponies age very little over the course of a two-year period.
I suggest changing that first line, and fixing the age to match the show. I think I can get behind the premise, even though it's very strange that Sunset would never mention being related to Princess Celestia, and refer to her as Princess Celestia, etc.—that's excusable.
Oh, wait. I just realized that that stallion is her father. That's awkward. It works, though.
>>Not_A_Hat
>>FanOfMostEverything
Apparently lots of readers are seeing the same thing I did.
I think I understand this one; see my review.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Apparently lots of readers are seeing the same thing I did.
I think I understand this one; see my review.
Yeah, yeah, we in France had a president who sired a secret child. It was state secret until a magazine spilled the beans. Now that secret child (Mazarine Pingeot) has invaded almost every literature show… :P
Back to the story —
Like every other reader, I was jarred by the reference to the defeat of NMM and the sudden apparition of Luna.
The rest is more headcanon, but I don't believe Celestia could have begotten a child and kept that fact concealed. I don't reckon why the secrecy: no decent reason is given in the story and that seems to me unbelievable.
Also yes, the stallion we encounter is the father, as shown by the thread in Celestia’s thoughts. We don’t get to know why him and not another, either.
A door of massive gold? Have you any idea how much that should cost and weigh?
In all, if we disregard the few typos and holdovers from a previous version, it’s not badly written, but you've pushed the assumptions a bit too far for me to stay in your boat.
Back to the story —
Like every other reader, I was jarred by the reference to the defeat of NMM and the sudden apparition of Luna.
The rest is more headcanon, but I don't believe Celestia could have begotten a child and kept that fact concealed. I don't reckon why the secrecy: no decent reason is given in the story and that seems to me unbelievable.
Also yes, the stallion we encounter is the father, as shown by the thread in Celestia’s thoughts. We don’t get to know why him and not another, either.
A door of massive gold? Have you any idea how much that should cost and weigh?
In all, if we disregard the few typos and holdovers from a previous version, it’s not badly written, but you've pushed the assumptions a bit too far for me to stay in your boat.
Needs some technical editing to start with. Beyond that, it's too confusing to properly enjoy. It tries to hit on some themes I find interesting, but the timelines, characters, etc. don't quite mesh with canon or any fanon I know, so it comes across a bit of a jumbled mess I'm afraid. There could be some very interesting stuff to explore here, were a longer version written.
