Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
The Power of the Sun
"Now, my loyal subjects!" Queen Chrysalis shouted to the crowd of cheering changelings. "We shall take over Equestria for the last time!"
All of the changelings hissed with approval.
"But Your Highness," Thorax stammered from below. "Shouldn't we seek forgiveness, and learn to love one another?"
Chrysalis scoffed. "We will never be friends with ponykind. Now, my hive, we set off to attack!"
Every drone flew out of the hive, ready for battle. Thorax trailed behind, spineless yet obedient. Chrysalis laughed in anticipation as she followed after them, ready to launch a strike against ponykind.
Once she reached the outside, though, everypony had stopped. She reached the front and looked out at a distant mountain. A white dot was standing on its peak, an insignificant speck that nonetheless exuded a powerful presence.
"Who are you?" she yelled at the dot.
Even though it was so far away, the voice was clear. "Ask for forgiveness."
"What?"
"Ask for forgiveness, and it will be granted."
Behind the queen, the changelings looked at one another in confusion. From the back, Thorax spoke up. "It's Celestia, giving us a chance to make peace with the ponies!" He was ecstatic. "Let us go and take up her offer—"
Before he could finish, Chrysalis shot a powerful magical blast from her horn. In a drawn-out instant, Thorax evaporated.
"We shall never ask for forgiveness!" She cried out. The changelings hissed in assent.
"So be it."
Suddenly, the sun hurtled itself towards them. All of the changelings gasped and whimpered, and even Chrysalis was taken aback, but she held her ground.
"Stand firm!" she rallied. "She cannot intimidate us!"
When she turned around, however, she saw her changelings sweating, shaking, fainting behind her. The land began to sizzle, the air began to wave.
In an instant, chaos ensued. Some changelings exploded; others shattered. Those that tried to fly away had their wings burned off, and they too perished.
"No, stop!" Chrysalis began to panic. "What is going on?" She turned to the speck. "What are you doing to my hive!?"
"Help us!" The changelings cried out. "Help us!" Their voices were burned, their eyes bubbly, their legs snapped. Still the sun drew closer, its light even more blinding, its heat even more severe.
"Stop it, Celestia!" Chrysalis yelled. "Stop it, please!" She began feeling ill, her vision began to fade, her breath grew ragged.
"Run, my changelings!" she attempted to scream, but found it was too late. Behind her, where once was an army ready to die for her, had melted. Their cries for help still rose from the tar.
In a rage, she took off and flew as fast as she could to the speck. It was too far, and the sun too heavy a weight on her back. She fell to the ground onto the singeing desert sand. Her wings had fried up, disappearing from her body. She couldn't reach Celestia. Just as her body cracked with heat, she saw the mare approach her in an instant. Her visage was bright white, but Chrysalis couldn't look away.
"Now you see the power of the sun," the blinding figure spoke with authority. "You see how destructive it can be, what you call upon yourself and your hive!"
Chrysalis screamed even as her vocal chords shriveled up inside her.
"It does not have to be this way," it continued. "Ponies will forgive you, like they forgave me, if you seek forgiveness."
The sun boiled her eyes blind. Her body melted into nothing.
"Now, awaken!"
All was quiet. Her eyes snapped open, and beheld the rising sun.
"No!" She scurried onto her hooves to escape her doom. But it didn't come. The sun didn't race past the horizon, nor did it swell with anger; it crawled on as it had every day. There was no mare looming on the mountaintop, none of her subjects fried to a crisp, none of her body shattering before her. Everything was normal.
She thought back to the dream. A quiet moment passed.
No, she thought, looking at the back of the cave where she now sought shelter. I came so close last time. It is possible. Celestia cannot stop me with the power of the sun, or harm any of my subjects. I just need to plan more.
With a hiss at the light, she slunk deeper into the darkness. Equestria will be mine.
And somewhere far away, in the civilized world, a mare prepared the next nightmare.
All of the changelings hissed with approval.
"But Your Highness," Thorax stammered from below. "Shouldn't we seek forgiveness, and learn to love one another?"
Chrysalis scoffed. "We will never be friends with ponykind. Now, my hive, we set off to attack!"
Every drone flew out of the hive, ready for battle. Thorax trailed behind, spineless yet obedient. Chrysalis laughed in anticipation as she followed after them, ready to launch a strike against ponykind.
Once she reached the outside, though, everypony had stopped. She reached the front and looked out at a distant mountain. A white dot was standing on its peak, an insignificant speck that nonetheless exuded a powerful presence.
"Who are you?" she yelled at the dot.
Even though it was so far away, the voice was clear. "Ask for forgiveness."
"What?"
"Ask for forgiveness, and it will be granted."
Behind the queen, the changelings looked at one another in confusion. From the back, Thorax spoke up. "It's Celestia, giving us a chance to make peace with the ponies!" He was ecstatic. "Let us go and take up her offer—"
Before he could finish, Chrysalis shot a powerful magical blast from her horn. In a drawn-out instant, Thorax evaporated.
"We shall never ask for forgiveness!" She cried out. The changelings hissed in assent.
"So be it."
Suddenly, the sun hurtled itself towards them. All of the changelings gasped and whimpered, and even Chrysalis was taken aback, but she held her ground.
"Stand firm!" she rallied. "She cannot intimidate us!"
When she turned around, however, she saw her changelings sweating, shaking, fainting behind her. The land began to sizzle, the air began to wave.
In an instant, chaos ensued. Some changelings exploded; others shattered. Those that tried to fly away had their wings burned off, and they too perished.
"No, stop!" Chrysalis began to panic. "What is going on?" She turned to the speck. "What are you doing to my hive!?"
"Help us!" The changelings cried out. "Help us!" Their voices were burned, their eyes bubbly, their legs snapped. Still the sun drew closer, its light even more blinding, its heat even more severe.
"Stop it, Celestia!" Chrysalis yelled. "Stop it, please!" She began feeling ill, her vision began to fade, her breath grew ragged.
"Run, my changelings!" she attempted to scream, but found it was too late. Behind her, where once was an army ready to die for her, had melted. Their cries for help still rose from the tar.
In a rage, she took off and flew as fast as she could to the speck. It was too far, and the sun too heavy a weight on her back. She fell to the ground onto the singeing desert sand. Her wings had fried up, disappearing from her body. She couldn't reach Celestia. Just as her body cracked with heat, she saw the mare approach her in an instant. Her visage was bright white, but Chrysalis couldn't look away.
"Now you see the power of the sun," the blinding figure spoke with authority. "You see how destructive it can be, what you call upon yourself and your hive!"
Chrysalis screamed even as her vocal chords shriveled up inside her.
"It does not have to be this way," it continued. "Ponies will forgive you, like they forgave me, if you seek forgiveness."
The sun boiled her eyes blind. Her body melted into nothing.
"Now, awaken!"
All was quiet. Her eyes snapped open, and beheld the rising sun.
"No!" She scurried onto her hooves to escape her doom. But it didn't come. The sun didn't race past the horizon, nor did it swell with anger; it crawled on as it had every day. There was no mare looming on the mountaintop, none of her subjects fried to a crisp, none of her body shattering before her. Everything was normal.
She thought back to the dream. A quiet moment passed.
No, she thought, looking at the back of the cave where she now sought shelter. I came so close last time. It is possible. Celestia cannot stop me with the power of the sun, or harm any of my subjects. I just need to plan more.
With a hiss at the light, she slunk deeper into the darkness. Equestria will be mine.
And somewhere far away, in the civilized world, a mare prepared the next nightmare.
Something about this seemed kind of cheesy. Part of it was the pacing towards the beginning and Thorax's somewhat cheesy "forgiveness" comments that made it feel that way, though the pacing is probably a result of the word limit. It being all a dream does make it somewhat better--I was afraid this story was the villian getting their comeuppance and nothing else, and I'm glad it's not that (and also I'm glad Thorax didn't actually die [totally not changeling-biased >.>])--but I dunno, there's something stilted about the whole thing, I feel, and it's hard for me to articulate why.
I do like the idea, though; Luna conjuring nightmares to show Chrysalis what could happen if she follows through, and also giving her a way out if she so chooses. Like the concept, but the execution needs some work, methinks. Works for a short story, at least. ^^
I do like the idea, though; Luna conjuring nightmares to show Chrysalis what could happen if she follows through, and also giving her a way out if she so chooses. Like the concept, but the execution needs some work, methinks. Works for a short story, at least. ^^
Oh, Chrysalis. Blinded by her pride… and a naturally occurring fusion reactor to the face.
This works quite well. Luna may want to take a more direct approach, though. Good job of capturing both involved parties and their approaches to the problem.
This works quite well. Luna may want to take a more direct approach, though. Good job of capturing both involved parties and their approaches to the problem.
I like badass princess as much as the next guy—maybe more—and Luna doing something useful warms my heart. It's nice to see Chrysalis's confidence boost from beating Celestia that one time not dampened after her resounding defeat. However, the inclusion of Thorax without any reference or link to anything he did canonically feels like fluff for its own sake. Granted I haven't caught the new season finale yet, so the misstep may be my own.
The descriptions are much gorier than necessary to convey the mood you're trying to set, and the first part of the story stretches on long enough that it seems super-horrific and OOC for both Celie and Chryssi's reaction to Thorax. This made it very difficult for me to read the story, even though it's really short. I don't think the level of gore adds anything: seeing your children die (without gory details) should be enough of a horror to send that message.
That said, I'm fine with the premise; but I can't imagine "submit to me or else I'll commit genocide on you and all your descendants" is ever a way Celestia would try to teach somepony about friendship. Has anypony on the show ever been reformed by deadly violence or threats...? Has that ever worked on anypony, anywhere? Frightening her into running away might make some sense, but that's as far as I can imagine this would work.
Even then, Chrysalis is probably the character on the show least likely to respond to threats with anything but more aggression. I like the general idea, but I don't think this specific strategy makes much sense.
EDIT: In retrospect, I think it makes some sense, because the story implies that this is one of a long series of experiences designed to wear Chrysalis down. I can see that having an effect if it's a constant barrage she can't escape from, so I withdraw most of my criticism there. :twilightsmile:
My last nitpick is minor, but relevant. It's indicated that this is taking place after Season 5, at the end. Chrysalis doesn't have any of her brood on her side at the moment. She wouldn't be thinking about taking over Equestria. She might be thinking of a way to win back her children, or of a way to seek revenge upon Starlight Glimmer or her friends. But how can she scheme to conquer Equestria when she's at her weakest? That seems to be putting the cart before the pony.
That said, I'm fine with the premise; but I can't imagine "submit to me or else I'll commit genocide on you and all your descendants" is ever a way Celestia would try to teach somepony about friendship. Has anypony on the show ever been reformed by deadly violence or threats...? Has that ever worked on anypony, anywhere? Frightening her into running away might make some sense, but that's as far as I can imagine this would work.
Even then, Chrysalis is probably the character on the show least likely to respond to threats with anything but more aggression. I like the general idea, but I don't think this specific strategy makes much sense.
EDIT: In retrospect, I think it makes some sense, because the story implies that this is one of a long series of experiences designed to wear Chrysalis down. I can see that having an effect if it's a constant barrage she can't escape from, so I withdraw most of my criticism there. :twilightsmile:
My last nitpick is minor, but relevant. It's indicated that this is taking place after Season 5, at the end. Chrysalis doesn't have any of her brood on her side at the moment. She wouldn't be thinking about taking over Equestria. She might be thinking of a way to win back her children, or of a way to seek revenge upon Starlight Glimmer or her friends. But how can she scheme to conquer Equestria when she's at her weakest? That seems to be putting the cart before the pony.
>>Rao
How can you not have watched the finale yet??!? It's seriously epic. I was feeling really iffy about it from the description I found on EqD, but when I watched it... Ohhhh so many awesome moments. Plus MASSIVE headcanon/fanon destruction. But a real pleasure to watch. Definite check it out ASAP!
How can you not have watched the finale yet??!? It's seriously epic. I was feeling really iffy about it from the description I found on EqD, but when I watched it... Ohhhh so many awesome moments. Plus MASSIVE headcanon/fanon destruction. But a real pleasure to watch. Definite check it out ASAP!
>>Kitcat36
I'm behind on a lot of viewing lately. Last episode I watched was The Times They Are a Changeling." But! The next 10 are in queue as soon as I sleep off this carb nuke I ingested today. Might be an hour nap, might be twelve. New thyroid meds + heavy meal = mystery time!
I'm behind on a lot of viewing lately. Last episode I watched was The Times They Are a Changeling." But! The next 10 are in queue as soon as I sleep off this carb nuke I ingested today. Might be an hour nap, might be twelve. New thyroid meds + heavy meal = mystery time!
Hmmm, the cheese factor is pretty high in the beginning. That's somewhat excused by the fact that "it's just a dream" but... with that being the case, the punchiness really needs to be dialed up. I like the idea of Luna practicing psychological warfare via dreams as a way to discourage real violence, but... as a story, 90% of it is a bit of a hacky-feeling disaster scene. I'd suggest you concentrate more on the impact/feelings Chrysalis is experiencing internally, and less on the outward gore/violence/etc. We need to see it affect her, even if we know it's "only a dream" earlier on.
The "Now, awaken!" line looks odd to me, with one word each on opposite sides of the screen. I think you forgot to put the [ hr] on its own line, so it's trying justify the paragraph or something? This might almost be a bug, actually. Should the interpreter assume that [ hr] always gets a new line?
Anyways, writing things. This story contains a perceptual shift, without containing a corresponding emotional shift. Because of that, I'm not entirely sure what it's trying to get at.
At the end of the story, the 'it was all a dream' thing happens. That works alright, I think; it re-frames what's been going on beforehand, and gives us new context for understanding it while resolving some of the subtly wrong things (like Chrysalis actually knowing who Thorax is at the time of the invasion.) However, the ending doesn't suggest that either Chrysalis or the pony in Canterlot (Who's probably Luna?) seem to be changed/changing, and I'm not sure what to make of that.
Is Chrysalis unable to change? It seems like she's being put through some fairly horrendous stuff here, and regularly. Is this simply pointless torment, the way the suggested images of pulling the wings off bugs or frying them with a magnifying glass seems to suggest? With that interpretation, the pony sending the dreams comes off as cruel, and Chrysalis seems pitiable.
Or is this cruelty justified, because it averts what Chrysalis would do without it? That's a fairly heavy topic, and I don't really see it addressed. Do the ends justify the means here? Exactly how far can you push 'the means' before they need to be justified?
Perhaps Chrysalis will eventually repent and ask for forgiveness. That would reconcile things fairly neatly, but... I'm not seeing any indication of that in the ending.
Also... why Celestia? I assume, from the dreaming thing, that this is actually Luna. Why would she use her sister's form? We have no real reason to believe Celestia's more powerful than Luna, or that Chrysalis is more/less scared of one or the other. Something about Luna using her sister's image like that just strikes me as subtly wrong, but I'm not entirely certain why. Maybe something about trying to maintain the integrity of the point that's being made, or offering something in another person's name. Maybe I'm unusual in that, though. But if it was openly signaled that it was Celestia I wouldn't mind it, and... I do think the images invoked are effective, especially since using a magnifying glass on bugs is something many people have tried or heard about.
Anyways, writing things. This story contains a perceptual shift, without containing a corresponding emotional shift. Because of that, I'm not entirely sure what it's trying to get at.
At the end of the story, the 'it was all a dream' thing happens. That works alright, I think; it re-frames what's been going on beforehand, and gives us new context for understanding it while resolving some of the subtly wrong things (like Chrysalis actually knowing who Thorax is at the time of the invasion.) However, the ending doesn't suggest that either Chrysalis or the pony in Canterlot (Who's probably Luna?) seem to be changed/changing, and I'm not sure what to make of that.
Is Chrysalis unable to change? It seems like she's being put through some fairly horrendous stuff here, and regularly. Is this simply pointless torment, the way the suggested images of pulling the wings off bugs or frying them with a magnifying glass seems to suggest? With that interpretation, the pony sending the dreams comes off as cruel, and Chrysalis seems pitiable.
Or is this cruelty justified, because it averts what Chrysalis would do without it? That's a fairly heavy topic, and I don't really see it addressed. Do the ends justify the means here? Exactly how far can you push 'the means' before they need to be justified?
Perhaps Chrysalis will eventually repent and ask for forgiveness. That would reconcile things fairly neatly, but... I'm not seeing any indication of that in the ending.
Also... why Celestia? I assume, from the dreaming thing, that this is actually Luna. Why would she use her sister's form? We have no real reason to believe Celestia's more powerful than Luna, or that Chrysalis is more/less scared of one or the other. Something about Luna using her sister's image like that just strikes me as subtly wrong, but I'm not entirely certain why. Maybe something about trying to maintain the integrity of the point that's being made, or offering something in another person's name. Maybe I'm unusual in that, though. But if it was openly signaled that it was Celestia I wouldn't mind it, and... I do think the images invoked are effective, especially since using a magnifying glass on bugs is something many people have tried or heard about.