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The Darkest Hour · FiM Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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Eyes of the Night
Gather round now, children. Closer now - there, good. Hmm? What? Oh, yes, you may come to, Pinkie Pie. No, there is space aplenty, you are welcome! Now, are you all comfortable? Good. And how has the Nightmare Night of everypony gone so far? Oh? That well? Most fortuitous, indeed! I am glad you each had a good, ah, ‘haul’, as you so eloquently put it. Hmm? What? You mean to tell me nopony has told you why you are all here?

I would have sworn I communicated that earlier. No matter! Children! Tonight I shall tell you a story, but I warn you, it is not for the faint of heart! Gather together, hug your friends, so when I am done you all shall tremble in fear of the Tale of the Headless Horse!

...What do you mean you all already know that one? You are certain? Yes. It is the one with the wedding. Well! In that case, I shall tell you of the Galloping Ghost! Now, all of you, sit and be-

You’ve heard that one too? What of the Haunted Saddlebags? Hmm. That one is also out, then. Very well. Am I to understand each of you has heard every tale from within this book?

Oh. I see. I am sorry then, children, I had thought to tell you a scary story but you have heard all of these and I prepared no others. Yes, I do know other tales, but they are from long ago in a time unfamiliar to all of you and I am given to understand ponies care little for the old era.

What? You wish to know? Truly? Well! I need a moment to consider. Perhaps? No. What of - ah! Yes. This may do well.

Children, would you like to hear a tale from when I was but a child? Oh, splendid! I first heard this from my sister, though I believe she heard it from a wandering bard. Back in those days, there were far fewer books, and most ponies did not know how to read. In truth, I did not know till I was of an age older than you are now.

But I digress. Very well! Tonight, children, we shall sit, and I shall take you to long ago! Close your eyes. Clear your thoughts. Listen to only my words. Together, let us hear the tale of the Eyes of the Night.

Long, long ago, ponykind had not yet learned so much of what we now take for granted. Pegasi had not tamed the skies. Earth ponies had yet to bond with the land. Unicorns knew not how to raise the sun and moon. The world was wild and unknown. Danger lurked in every forest, in every cave. The sea churned with mighty serpents whose eyes were tall as trees just as wide, whose jaws could swallow dragons whole.

Ponies clustered together in herds for protection. We had not yet learned the art of building cities. We knew of fire, yes, and the nights would be lit in flickering shadows as ponies huddled together close to the flame, eyes out to the darkness, wary of any who would seek to prey upon them.

Is it so hard to believe? The very Everfree that borders the town of Ponyville you all call home is fraught with peril. Manticores, hydras, timber wolves, and more dwell within. In this long ago era, many of the great beasts now chained deep within Tartarus still roamed free. Heroes of ponykind such as Clover, Starswirl, Thunderstorm, and yes, my sister and I had yet to appear. Dragons freely roamed the skies taking and pillaging as they wished, for no dragon lord had yet arisen to bring some semblance of order to their kin.

It was a time when even I can understand why ponies would shun the night. Under sunlight they could easily watch for any movement and stand or flee together. At night, the ground itself was treacherous; the skies were dark and the moon did not yet shine brightly enough for ponies to easily see where they ran. A wrong step could send you tumbling, could lead to accidentally rendering oneself lame, and unicorns had not yet learned the healing arts, now zebras potion-making.

And in this world there was one tribe who lived in an area much like Ponyville is now. They dwelt within the great plains at the foot of an ever greater mountain, and to the west as a forest wider and deeper than the darkest Everfree.

This tribe feared the monsters that dwelt within the forest. Though they would set their fires at night, they needed to spend hours upon hours each day gathering wood, and still more hours standing vigil, and there was no time for laughter, no time for songs, no time for play. Only the work of safeguarding the tribe, and of finding enough to eat.

Still, there was love amongst the ponies of the tribe, and this tribe had within it pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies all working together in concert.

One day, the leader of the tribe called everypony together, for she had a request to make.

“I am grown old,” said their Chieftess, Morning Dew. “Long do we toil each day. And long do we stand vigil each night. Before my time comes to run with the Eternal Herd, I must choose my successor. The one who will lead us must be brave. They must be swift. And they must be wise. But most of all, they must care for their fellow ponies. And so I say to each of you : I shall name as our new leader the pony who finds the greatest gift for the tribe. In three moons, I shall make this choice. You have until then! So I have spoken!”

With that, the herd was dismissed to return to their labors. Most ponies, though they might dream of leading, knew in their heart of hearts such a burden was not for them, and so they would pass the three moons living their lives as they always had.

But there were three ponies for whom Morning Dew’s words ran true. There was Leafrunner, of the earth ponies, the strongest warrior of the tribe. There was Golden Glow of the unicorns, who wielded the most powerful magics known to her people. And there was Shadowsong of the pegasi, who spent her days toiling in the forests, and her evenings listening at the hooves of her elders, and her nights flying in circles above the herd, always vigilant for danger.

Together, the three of them set out for the top of the distant mountain, a place nopony had ever gone and returned. They knew that within slept a great dragon, for in the time of their granddams of their granddams, the dragon had last woken and its hunger had been terrible indeed.

They travelled for an entire moon till they were at the foot of the mountain, and the summit to the peak was half a moon more. But they were each determined in their own way, and none of them faltered in their dedication to the task at hoof.

And lo, at the end of their journey they stood before a deep, dark cave. A cold wind blew from within, for the dragon that slept in this cave was no fire-breather. No, this dragon was a beast of darkness, and its heart was colder than the frozen north.

“I shall go in first,” announced Leafrunner, “For I am the strongest among us. I do not fear the dragon. I shall venture into its lair and make off with its greatest treasure.” And so Leafrunner set off into the cave.

“We should follow him,” said Shadowsong. “What if he finds himself in danger?”

“Then it shall be one less pony to compete against us,” replied Golden Glow. “And he shall surely fail. He has no magic to aid him. Who knows how deep the cave is? He may fall into darkness, for unlike me, he has no horn to conjure light.”

But Shadowsong would not be disloyal to her kin. “Very well!” sniffed Golden Glow. “Go and get eaten too! But know that I advised you otherwise!”

And so she too travelled into the cave. She kept to the air, braving the cold wind so that Leafrunner would not know she followed. The light faded away, and only the sound of his hooves told her where to follow.

The cave, however, was great and broad, for the dragon that dwelt within needed to be able to leave when it awoke, and so eventually Leafrunner found himself within its lair. And there? There he found a great trove of glittering gold and jewels, and artifacts.

His eyes were drawn instantly to a shining spear - but that spear lay close to the sleeping dragon. And what a dragon it was! Its hide black as pitch, its scales hard as diamonds, and each tooth the size of a pony! But Leafrunner was brave, and so he walked right up and snatched the spear, and in his greed he woke the dragon.

It shifted, reared, rose itself off of its great pile of treasure. “Who are you?” it hissed in slithering serpentine saying. “Who are you to dare to steal from my lair?”

“I am Leafrunner of the Tribe of the Green Plains!” he replied defiantly, “And I have come to claim this treasure to prove my worth as Chieftain!”

“Foolish pony,” chuckled the dragon, “You may be brave, but bravery alone will not save you from me.” The dragon opened its mouth wide, and its neck moved lightning quick, and in but an instant Leafrunner was gone, swallowed by the beast.

In this time, Shadowsong remained hidden along the dark corners of the cave, scarcely allowing herself to breathe. She wanted to save Leafrunner, yet what could she do? She knew that to challenge the dragon now would be to only invite her doom.

And so she hid, and gazed across the dragon’s horde. She had no interest in the weapons, nor the armor, for weapons could be broken and armor shattered, and the gift to the tribe would eventually come to nothing.

In due time, Golden Glow came along, her horn lit to herald her arrival. By now, the dragon had returned to its slumber, and Golden Glow was free to examine its horde. She did not make the same mistake. Instead, her eyes fell upon a tome, a tome etched with arcane sigils that promised new, unheralded magics within it.

She carefully reached out with her magic to grasp the tome and lift it up - only to freeze as the dragon began to laugh. “Foolish pony,” it spoke, “Though you are smarter than your friend, did you think I could not smell you? That I would not sense your coming? You shall meet the same fate he did.”

Golden Glow was quick of wit, and where Leafrunner had stood his ground and fallen, she cast a brilliant flare of light, blinding the beast and causing it to roar with rage. Then, she turned tail and ran, ran carrying her stolen prize towards the mouth of the cave.

The dragon, however, drew in a great, deep breath, and then his fury spewed outwards, a great wave of darkness that raced towards the entrance. And though Golden Glow was brave enough to face the dragon, though she was powerful enough to irritate him, she was not fast enough to flee in time - and so she was caught in the dragon’s breath, and she and the tome were both frozen in place like a statue. Unmoving, a new trophy for the dragon to rearrange at its leisure.

The dragon settled down within the darkness to sleep once more, and in that time, Shadowsong remained still and watching. And she saw amongst the horde glimmering lights, gemstones that had glowed in the wake of Golden Glow’s power, shedding light throughout the cave.

“If I can bring these to the tribe,” she thought to herself, “Then we shall not need to chop firewood all day long, for these shall glow from within and give us a new way to be safe at night.”

And she waited there, a day and a night, until she was certain the dragon slept once more. Only then did she make her move, careful to never touch the ground, flying slowly and silently around his lair and gathering gemstone after gemstone until her saddlebags weighed her down.

Only then was Shadowsong ready to leave. She mourned the loss of the others, but knew that there was naught she could have done. She was but one pony, and the dragon mightier than the entire tribe.

So Shadowsong began to fly away, only to hear a hiss behind her. “Little pony,” spake the dragon, “When your companions thought to steal from me, did you not learn? Now you have interrupted my slumber again, and I find I am hungry. I believe I shall feast on your kin - but I shall start with you.”

Shadowsong did not wait for him to strike! She flew, fast as she could fly, and though the gemstones were in her saddlebags their combined light let her passage. When the dragon realized it could not simply gobble her up, it began to inhale, to destroy her as it had Golden Glow.

But Shadowsong was not only brave, and not only loyal, and not only wise.

Shadowsong was fast!

She erupted from the cave, instantly soaring up, up, up into the darkness, and the dragon’s fury echoed raged from within the cave as it rose for the first time in generations in pursuit of her.

But Shadowsong expected this. She wanted it, for she had listened. The dragon was ready to eat, and if she fell, then there would be none left to warn the tribe of its coming. She flew, up, and up, and up, higher and higher into the sky with the dragon hot on her tail.

She could not go north, for she would not lead it to the northern tribes. Nor could she go east, or west, for she knew that ponies and other creatures lived that way too, and she would not sacrifice them to the dragon’s fury.

And she could not go south, for that is where her own people dwelt. And so she fled to the one place she could - the sky. Higher, and higher, and higher, ever higher into the cold and dark with the dragon in endless pursuit.

But as she flew, she began to tire, and her saddlebags began to grow heavy, and the dragon drew ever closer. So she did the only thing she could. She opened her bags, and threw one of the diamonds down, down towards the dragon whose breath licked at her tail. She felt her burden lighten, she felt herself gain speed, but it was not enough.

Again, and again, and again, and again she sacrificed her precious gemstones, each one abandoned so that she might fly ever higher, ever deeper into the night sky. And again and again and again and again the dragon’s enchanted breath licked at her tail, but she always remained just out of reach.

Finally, there was but one gemstone left. Shadowsong shut her eyes, and though she knew it meant she would have failed her tribe, she cast this last gemstone behind her, and the dragon roared in her wake.

But this time, at the end of the roar, there was only silence, and when she turned around, she saw no sign of the dragon. Down, and down, and down she flew, but she could no sign of the beast, for in its endless pursuit, in its furious attempts to freeze her within the skies, it had used up all the frozen fire within, and a dragon without fire cannot survive.

Still, she had failed. She landed at the outskirts of the plains and walked back to her tribe with her tail tucked and her head drooping, and when she returned, they were waiting for her.

“I am sorry,” Shadowsong whispered, “I have failed. I failed to save Leafrunner and Golden Glow, and I failed to bring anything back from the dragon’s cave. I had found a great treasure of stones that glowed from within, but the dragon chased me, and I had to give them all up to escape.”

“Shadowsong,” replied Morning Dew, “You have not failed us! Did you never think to look behind you? Have you not looked up since your return?”

Shadowsong looked up. Where once only the dim light of the moon had lit the darkened heavens, she now saw that her gemstones remained suspended in the sky, adding their light to that of the moon. “The dragon’s breath!” she exclaimed, “It froze the gemstones within the sky!”

“And thus, you have not given only us a gift,” replied Morning Dew, “But you have given a gift to all the creatures of the world. Now the night shall forever shine with new light, and we shall be safer for we shall be able to see beyond the lights of our fires.”

And thus, children, whenever you look up at the stars, remember that they shine because of Shadowsong. Remember her bravery in facing the dragon, and her swiftness in flight, and her wisdom in letting go when the time came and so bestowing a gift upon us all.

Of course, because she had brought about the end of the dragon, there was the matter of what lay within its hoard - but that is a story for another time. And lo, so ends the tale of the Eyes of the Night, which are the stars that shine down upon us to this day.

Thank you, children. May you rest well this Nightmare Night, and know that even within the darkness, there is always a light above.

Mm? A question? I did not see you join us, Twilight Sparkle. Did you enjoy the story? Splendid, and - Yes. It is true that I control the stars as well as the moon, but I do not see how -

Twilight Sparkle! It is a story! Cease thy nitpicking at once or thou shalt be sleeping on the couch tonight! We shall not warn thee again!

Ahem. Thank you, children, and fare thee well. Good night, children of Ponyville. Good night, and pleasant dreaming.
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#1 · 2
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"And that's why Pegasi are better than the other tribes!"

Anyway, this was an enjoyable tale, and a solid representation of a creationist myth that I might expect from canon. I'm assuming you were trying to replicate Dragonshy because if you weren't, the story was quite similar. Just saying.

The Introduction was a nice segway into the story, but the bit with Twilight at the end felt fairly unnecessary and killed the mood a bit. It's kind of like you're saying "Oh, and in case you didn't get it, this is Luna! She controls the moon! See those Thee's and Thou's?" It's just not necessary. If you're going to give indicators for the narrator, do it at the beginning (which you don't need to add - I got it the first time through).

Also - Yay, a story that manages to be about the past and Luna, but doesn't mention Nightmare Moon once!
#2 ·
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Oooh! What's this? Okay, hold on a second. Aww... much better.

Okay continue.

Ha ha.

Oh?

Hmm...

Ah-ha!

Yes!

Oh dear.

Oh... ouch.

Oh, clever! I didn't see that coming.

*applauds*

---

I really liked the style you told this fairy tale with. It's just Luna talking to audience. And since she is Princess of the stars, she would know a number of star creation myths.

I actually liked the bit with Twilight at the end. It stopped me from wondering about whether the glowing stones would only be in a patch of one hemisphere. It's a little reminder to the audience that "it's just a story, relax." Which is probably what you were going for.
#3 ·
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I managed to put myself in a head-space where as I read I could hear Luna narrate it in my head and that made it all the better. There aren't enough stories about Equestrian myths and legends and fairy tales out there - this was a very fun take on 'What would the ancient past have told for stories?'

Nitpick :
You may come to, Pinkie Pie
-> Should be too.

This totally seems like what Luna would do during Nightmare Night nowadays.
#4 · 1
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I presume you’re going for Luna’s voice, but the opening narration doesn’t quite get there, feeling less antiquated and more excessively verbose for its own sake.

That being said, the fable was well put together, a blend of a story of threes and a “just so” cosmogony. Quite enjoyable once it got going. Well, other than the tacked-on Twiluna at the end, but that did little to disrupt the proceedings. Fine work that just needs a little more polish at the ends.
#5 · 1
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Mmm hmm hmm... Folksy.

There's plenty I liked about this story. Maybe it would've been nice to see more attempts by different ponies to take on the dragon, but I'm content with what we got.

My one complain, and it somewhat echoes the previous comments, is that Luna's role as a storyteller is relegated to the bookends. It would have been nice if we could've gotten some intervention from her throughout the story. Be it providing additional commentary from her own experiences, or maybe asking the children for intervention, so both segments of the story feel more integrated rather than "This is the part with Luna, and this is the part with the story."

As I said, I liked it, but the end result is too disjointed for me to give it top marks.
#6 ·
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I really don't have anything negative to say about this particular entry, besides the previously mentioned point that Luna's voice wavers a little throughout the story, and that the stylistic choice to make it one of them real-time-y, first-person-y narratives isn't one that's exploited to its fullest.

Also, Luna and Twilight apparently are living together? Or screwing, at the very least.

Yeah, but other than those problems, this is one of the better entries I've read for this round. Definitely a change of pace. And, hey! Finally got something vaguely Nightmare Moon-related out of this prompt.
#7 ·
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Pleasant read that kept me engaged throughout, which is definitely a win in my book. The story hits the beats of a fairy tale very well, which makes it easily memorable in the way these things often are.

Going to parot FoME's comment about Luna's voicing. To me, there was something noticeably off about it, though I can't quite put my thumb on it. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say there isn't very much about the vocabulary or the syntax particularly strikes me as archaic in Luna's style. For instance...

In truth, I did not know till I was of an age older than you are now.


...just came across to me as modern words strung up more stiffly than usual.. Formality and flowery language doesn't really equate to old-fashioned speech.

As for the story itself, it was an easy, entertaining read, but it didn't really impact me emotionally. I'm not saying every story needs to be a tear-jerking drama, but I'd usually like to have some kind of significant emotional response to what I read. As it is, it never quite goes above being mildly engrossing to me.
#8 · 1
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Fine, I won't nitpick the story, even though it really doesn't make sense. Even as a fairy tale, it doesn't feel like it quite works for me, though I'm not sure why.

Clearly Luna was supposed to tell the foals a scary story, and that one definitely wasn't. Luna, you can't do whatever you want just because this is technically your holiday.