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The Midnight Lesson
Celestia’s eyes widened at the sight of the blood-soaked bandage wrapped tightly around Star Swirl’s foreleg. The scant moonlight streaking in through the sisters’ bedroom window made the stains seem as black as tar.
“Wha—” she managed, before Star Swirl’s magic clamped her mouth shut with a subdued click of her teeth.
“You’ll wake Luna,” he said, giving the sleeping filly a pointed glance. Gently releasing Celestia’s muzzle, he walked out the room and simply said, “Follow me.”
Celestia scampered out of bed, barely managing not to trip over her awkward new wings.
Big, darned, useless things, she cursed them. She found herself envious of Luna's pegasus birth.
As soon as the pair were far enough down the hall, Celestia could hold back no longer.
“Your leg,” she said, watching as her mentor limped. “What happened?”
“Don’t worry, I did it deliberately,” he said, as if that settled the matter.
“Why would you?” was Celestia's inevitable response.
“To teach you a lesson.”
Celestia nearly tripped over her own hooves.
“What?”
Star Swirl quickly shook his head.
“Not like that,” he said. “Sorry, moderate blood loss. A little hard to speak. But I’ll show you, now.”
The two entered Star Swirl’s spellchamber, in the basement of Castle Platinum. When the old wizard lit the illumination runes that were set into the laboratory’s walls, Celestia nearly did a double-take.
The entire room was arranged differently than it had been that evening. Equipment and benches that had not been moved in decades were now pushed up against the walls, making room for a dais standing alone in the center of the room. At the top of the altar was a large bowl filled with a pungent dark liquid.
Blood.
Celestia instantly froze.
“What is that?” she demanded.
“Mine,” Star Swirl simply said, tugging at his bandage. “Now, pick it up with your magic.”
“No!” Every fiber of Celestia’s will revolved at the thought. “This is wrong. Stop it!”
Star Swirl gave her a wry look. “It’s not as though I can put it back.”
“Blood magic is forbidden,” Celestia whispered, suddenly paranoid that others might be listening. “And for a good reason—it is but a step away from dark magic!”
“Yes, you’ll be doing some of that tonight, as well.”
Celestia sputtered. “Have you gone absolutely mad?!”
“No,” he said, eyes hardening. “Have you given any true thought to those wings of yours that you’ve just grown?”
The sudden shift of topic left Celestia blinking.
“Because if you had,” Star Swirl continued, “you’d realize what living forever really means.” He cleared his throat. “With enough time, anything can happen. Perhaps this very castle will crumble and be forgotten. Perhaps another will attain godhood as you have. Perhaps, someday the clouds will rain milk and sugar instead of water. And you will live to see it all.”
Celestia tried to swallow away the uncomfortable lump that had built up in her throat.
“Sometime in your long life, there will be a day when you need to know black magics, and know them intimately, or else all will be lost.” Star Swirl’s voice softened, but still carried all of its conviction. “In six months, you will be crowned the new ruler of this nation. And you will be the last. From that moment until the end of time, you will bear the responsibility of guiding our people towards Harmony.”
The weight of Star Swirl’s words crushed Celestia like an apple beneath an anvil. She had often wondered why she had ascended, but never before had she wanted to tear away her wings and with them her responsibilities.
“It’s not as though being a good Princess comes with putting on the crown.” said Star Swirl. “You must choose to be prepared. And when all is said and done, a pint of an old stallion’s blood is a tiny price to pay for that preparedness.”
Several moments of silence passed before Celestia approached the bowl and peered directly over its lip. Her heart raced so fast in her chest that she could feel it in her ears.
With a sobbing breath, she lit her horn and wrapped her magic around the sanguine contents of the bowl. The blood was viscous and slippery and horrible—nothing at all like the orbs of water she would lift from the castle fountain to splash on her sister.
"Oh, stars..." she swore desperately.
Finally, she held it all in her grasp, several inches above the bowl.
“Good,” said her mentor. “Let’s begin.”
“Wha—” she managed, before Star Swirl’s magic clamped her mouth shut with a subdued click of her teeth.
“You’ll wake Luna,” he said, giving the sleeping filly a pointed glance. Gently releasing Celestia’s muzzle, he walked out the room and simply said, “Follow me.”
Celestia scampered out of bed, barely managing not to trip over her awkward new wings.
Big, darned, useless things, she cursed them. She found herself envious of Luna's pegasus birth.
As soon as the pair were far enough down the hall, Celestia could hold back no longer.
“Your leg,” she said, watching as her mentor limped. “What happened?”
“Don’t worry, I did it deliberately,” he said, as if that settled the matter.
“Why would you?” was Celestia's inevitable response.
“To teach you a lesson.”
Celestia nearly tripped over her own hooves.
“What?”
Star Swirl quickly shook his head.
“Not like that,” he said. “Sorry, moderate blood loss. A little hard to speak. But I’ll show you, now.”
The two entered Star Swirl’s spellchamber, in the basement of Castle Platinum. When the old wizard lit the illumination runes that were set into the laboratory’s walls, Celestia nearly did a double-take.
The entire room was arranged differently than it had been that evening. Equipment and benches that had not been moved in decades were now pushed up against the walls, making room for a dais standing alone in the center of the room. At the top of the altar was a large bowl filled with a pungent dark liquid.
Blood.
Celestia instantly froze.
“What is that?” she demanded.
“Mine,” Star Swirl simply said, tugging at his bandage. “Now, pick it up with your magic.”
“No!” Every fiber of Celestia’s will revolved at the thought. “This is wrong. Stop it!”
Star Swirl gave her a wry look. “It’s not as though I can put it back.”
“Blood magic is forbidden,” Celestia whispered, suddenly paranoid that others might be listening. “And for a good reason—it is but a step away from dark magic!”
“Yes, you’ll be doing some of that tonight, as well.”
Celestia sputtered. “Have you gone absolutely mad?!”
“No,” he said, eyes hardening. “Have you given any true thought to those wings of yours that you’ve just grown?”
The sudden shift of topic left Celestia blinking.
“Because if you had,” Star Swirl continued, “you’d realize what living forever really means.” He cleared his throat. “With enough time, anything can happen. Perhaps this very castle will crumble and be forgotten. Perhaps another will attain godhood as you have. Perhaps, someday the clouds will rain milk and sugar instead of water. And you will live to see it all.”
Celestia tried to swallow away the uncomfortable lump that had built up in her throat.
“Sometime in your long life, there will be a day when you need to know black magics, and know them intimately, or else all will be lost.” Star Swirl’s voice softened, but still carried all of its conviction. “In six months, you will be crowned the new ruler of this nation. And you will be the last. From that moment until the end of time, you will bear the responsibility of guiding our people towards Harmony.”
The weight of Star Swirl’s words crushed Celestia like an apple beneath an anvil. She had often wondered why she had ascended, but never before had she wanted to tear away her wings and with them her responsibilities.
“It’s not as though being a good Princess comes with putting on the crown.” said Star Swirl. “You must choose to be prepared. And when all is said and done, a pint of an old stallion’s blood is a tiny price to pay for that preparedness.”
Several moments of silence passed before Celestia approached the bowl and peered directly over its lip. Her heart raced so fast in her chest that she could feel it in her ears.
With a sobbing breath, she lit her horn and wrapped her magic around the sanguine contents of the bowl. The blood was viscous and slippery and horrible—nothing at all like the orbs of water she would lift from the castle fountain to splash on her sister.
"Oh, stars..." she swore desperately.
Finally, she held it all in her grasp, several inches above the bowl.
“Good,” said her mentor. “Let’s begin.”
The world-building is strong and I very much enjoy Celestia's characterisation; she's new to this, and it shows, but she also has a strong sense of morality. Descriptions are good and dialogue flows naturally. My biggest complaint would be that this only feels like the beginning to something larger, and now I'm intrigued as to where it would go.
Thank you for submitting your work.
Thank you for submitting your work.
This was fantastic. Intensely atmospheric, it explains a mystery of Season 3 with all of the gravity the subject deserves. Both Celestia and Star Swirl are well characterized, and they go through a full, satisfying narrative arc. Excellent work all around. Thank you for it.
Heh, you packed a lot in such a short story, and it did flow very well and naturally. There's really not much to say except that I liked this a lot.
>>FanOfMostEverything What mystery of season 3?
Anyway, I liked this story a lot. Nitpick: “Now, pick it up with your magic.” I'd like him to have said “Now, pick up the blood," because I expected her to pick up the bowl, and when she picked up just the blood, I thought she was being weird.
Oh, and I'd like her to get a few drops of blood on her. On her hooves, maybe. Or in her eye. Gotta be something you can do with that.
Anyway, I liked this story a lot. Nitpick: “Now, pick it up with your magic.” I'd like him to have said “Now, pick up the blood," because I expected her to pick up the bowl, and when she picked up just the blood, I thought she was being weird.
Oh, and I'd like her to get a few drops of blood on her. On her hooves, maybe. Or in her eye. Gotta be something you can do with that.
>>FanOfMostEverything I don't doubt your knowledge of canon, but when did we learn she knew dark magic?
>>Bad Horse The first Crystal Empire episode IIRC, she demonstrates some very evil looking magic to Twilight as she's explaining about Sombra.
>>Bad Horse
I haven't read this story (no spoilers plz) but as >>billymorph says, Twilight learned dark magic from Celestia in S3E1, and used it (twice I think?) in S3E2.
I haven't read this story (no spoilers plz) but as >>billymorph says, Twilight learned dark magic from Celestia in S3E1, and used it (twice I think?) in S3E2.
This is ominous and atmospheric and all, but it kinda just ends before anything actually happens. I suppose that's a better use of minific words than trying to cram the happenings into two or three sentences, but it still leaves me hanging. Still, what's here is really good.
Perhaps this very castle will crumble and be forgotten. Perhaps another will attain godhood as you have. Perhaps, someday the clouds will rain milk and sugar instead of water.
...this is kinda really on-the-nose. Like, it broke me out of the story, because I felt the author is winking and laughing since each of these does come true.
And honestly, his 'anything could happen' attitude seems to clash pretty hard with his 'you're stuck with this forever' attitude? Seriously, which one is it? Could she be deposed or thrown down, or is that the one thing that doesn't happen?
Also, as someone who tends more towards 'things aren't inherently evil, it's how you use them', I'm not entirely sure how I feel about his argument here. he never seems to actually address her problem with this; instead, he just pushes past it and forces her to do it anyways. :/
Overall, the impression I get of Starswirl here is that he's either severely misguided or genuinely deceptive, and I don't like either of those.
This was interesting and the characterization was crisp, but overall I find myself with more questions and annoyances than anything.
Okay, I have two main questions... First off, how do they know that Celestia and Luna are immortal and eternal? It seems apparent that there are no other Alicorns around, since Starswirl makes mention that someday, somehow, someone else might ascent to godhood... Which sorta implies that they're the first to do so. And it was rather recent, if Celestia is still getting used to her wings. What kind of tests do you perform to ensure that someone is actually an immortal god?
Secondly... Where is Luna? Starswirl just bled himself enough to be a bit lightheaded and loopy. Not something you want to do regularly. And they're sneaking around to avoid waking Luna... Why isn't the other Princess being taught or shown anything? Why isn't he teaching both of them at once? Are they just letting Luna rest until her turn comes?
Or did the estrangement between the Sun and the Moon really reach back so far?
In any case, an interesting and well written little tidbit. I'll agree with the others that this also sounds like the opening scenes of something significantly longer.
Secondly... Where is Luna? Starswirl just bled himself enough to be a bit lightheaded and loopy. Not something you want to do regularly. And they're sneaking around to avoid waking Luna... Why isn't the other Princess being taught or shown anything? Why isn't he teaching both of them at once? Are they just letting Luna rest until her turn comes?
Or did the estrangement between the Sun and the Moon really reach back so far?
In any case, an interesting and well written little tidbit. I'll agree with the others that this also sounds like the opening scenes of something significantly longer.
A great scene, held back by the plot not continuing beyond where it does.
Tier: Good Stuff
Tier: Good Stuff
Enjoyed! — The Midnight Lesson — A+ — First impressions: Starswirl - Nailed perfectly. (+) Excellent characterizations, excellent backgrounds, good decision to cut Luna out of the lesson in order to reduce the complexity of the story. The story flows well, good pacing, (-)just a little clumsy with the bowl (which is Starswirl’s crowning achievement, as the inventor of the amniomorphic spell.)
First off, congratulations to our winners! Seriously, I'm extremely jealous of their ability to write about pony princesses so wonderfully.
Of course, I'm biased as hell. I love pony princesses waaaaaay too much. Look at my top scorers for any almost any round, and I think you'll notice a disturbing trend. Hell, just crtl + F any story I've written for "Celestia" or "Luna." It's goddamned scary.
Retrospective: The Midnight Lesson
Well, fifth place out of almost seventy entries is my best minific showing to date! I might be getting the hang of these things. :P
Anyways, as per usual with FiM Minific rounds, I used this event as an opportunity to experiment with my writing. When the prompt came out, I kinda just tried to think of genres/topics that I hadn't written yet. In the end, I decided to go with something dark, even though the end product is probably not so much dark as it is slightly uncomfortable.
And also as per usual, the most common criticism is a lack of an ending/closure. I'm starting to think I might get a cutie mark in writing incomplete stories.
Finally, I really appreciate the reviews, guys! Seriously, I think I might have developed a physical addiction to praise over the internet. You guys really need to stop enabling me.
>>Pastoral
>>Waterpear
>>CoffeeMinion
For those of you who are dying to know what happens next, it's basically what FoME said. Celestia learns dark magic, which is how she eventually teaches Twilight about it in the season three opener. I think the show also implies that she had to use dark magic against Sombra, but that might just be me reading between the lines too much.
Regardless, I appreciate the feedback! I'll keep working on getting my stories to properly finish instead of just end.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Seriously, how the hell do you figure out exactly what I'm going for in all my stories? It's supernatural at this point. Will I gain your reading comprehension powers if I eat your heart?
>>Orbiting_kettle
Thank you for leaving your thoughts! Glad you enjoyed it.
>>Bad Horse
I originally did have a couple of extra lines of squick where Celestia can't get blood out of her fur without spreading it around, but I had to cut it for length. Such a shame--they were really fun to write.
>>Not_A_Hat
Yes, that monologue was painfully telly in hindsight. In my defense, I wrote it at the ass-end of a four hour writing session (cause I'm that slow) after getting off of work at 11 at night. It genially sounded pretty okay to me at the time. :twilightblush:
The logic behind Star Swirl's reasoning is that if you're immortal, you're going to see basically everything that could possibly happen. Celestia will see every new threat to Equestria from that point on till the end of time. I was trying to give the impression that Star Swirl wanted Celestia to be ready for every possible thing that could happen, since she's going to be around for them when they do happen.
... and I probably just broke my record for most uses of the word "happen" in a single paragraph.
Thank you for your thoughts! I know I have trouble communicating complicated concepts through dialogue, so I appreciate you pointing out where I might need more work.
>>TheCyanRecluse
For your first question... I genuinely did not think of that. I guess the concepts of "alicorn" and "immortal" are so closely associated in my head that I forgot to realize that Celestia's immortality wouldn't be immediately apparent to any onlooker.
As for Luna, she's still a little pegasus filly, here. :P Should have definitely made that a bit clearer, though. Thank you for your feedback!
>>georg
Thanks for your thoughts! I'm glad that it mostly worked out for you, aside from that pacing hiccup. I did have some trouble transitioning from the first part (Celestia wondering what happened to Star Swirl's leg) to the rest of the story. Next time, I'll try to make the seams a little less obvious.
Well, thank you guys for another great Writeoff. I'll see you all in the next one!
Of course, I'm biased as hell. I love pony princesses waaaaaay too much. Look at my top scorers for any almost any round, and I think you'll notice a disturbing trend. Hell, just crtl + F any story I've written for "Celestia" or "Luna." It's goddamned scary.
Retrospective: The Midnight Lesson
Well, fifth place out of almost seventy entries is my best minific showing to date! I might be getting the hang of these things. :P
Anyways, as per usual with FiM Minific rounds, I used this event as an opportunity to experiment with my writing. When the prompt came out, I kinda just tried to think of genres/topics that I hadn't written yet. In the end, I decided to go with something dark, even though the end product is probably not so much dark as it is slightly uncomfortable.
And also as per usual, the most common criticism is a lack of an ending/closure. I'm starting to think I might get a cutie mark in writing incomplete stories.
Finally, I really appreciate the reviews, guys! Seriously, I think I might have developed a physical addiction to praise over the internet. You guys really need to stop enabling me.
>>Pastoral
>>Waterpear
>>CoffeeMinion
For those of you who are dying to know what happens next, it's basically what FoME said. Celestia learns dark magic, which is how she eventually teaches Twilight about it in the season three opener. I think the show also implies that she had to use dark magic against Sombra, but that might just be me reading between the lines too much.
Regardless, I appreciate the feedback! I'll keep working on getting my stories to properly finish instead of just end.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Seriously, how the hell do you figure out exactly what I'm going for in all my stories? It's supernatural at this point. Will I gain your reading comprehension powers if I eat your heart?
>>Orbiting_kettle
Thank you for leaving your thoughts! Glad you enjoyed it.
>>Bad Horse
I originally did have a couple of extra lines of squick where Celestia can't get blood out of her fur without spreading it around, but I had to cut it for length. Such a shame--they were really fun to write.
>>Not_A_Hat
Yes, that monologue was painfully telly in hindsight. In my defense, I wrote it at the ass-end of a four hour writing session (cause I'm that slow) after getting off of work at 11 at night. It genially sounded pretty okay to me at the time. :twilightblush:
The logic behind Star Swirl's reasoning is that if you're immortal, you're going to see basically everything that could possibly happen. Celestia will see every new threat to Equestria from that point on till the end of time. I was trying to give the impression that Star Swirl wanted Celestia to be ready for every possible thing that could happen, since she's going to be around for them when they do happen.
... and I probably just broke my record for most uses of the word "happen" in a single paragraph.
Thank you for your thoughts! I know I have trouble communicating complicated concepts through dialogue, so I appreciate you pointing out where I might need more work.
>>TheCyanRecluse
For your first question... I genuinely did not think of that. I guess the concepts of "alicorn" and "immortal" are so closely associated in my head that I forgot to realize that Celestia's immortality wouldn't be immediately apparent to any onlooker.
As for Luna, she's still a little pegasus filly, here. :P Should have definitely made that a bit clearer, though. Thank you for your feedback!
>>georg
Thanks for your thoughts! I'm glad that it mostly worked out for you, aside from that pacing hiccup. I did have some trouble transitioning from the first part (Celestia wondering what happened to Star Swirl's leg) to the rest of the story. Next time, I'll try to make the seams a little less obvious.
Well, thank you guys for another great Writeoff. I'll see you all in the next one!
>>Bachiavellian
I can guarantee that you will not gain my insight by eating any of my vital organs. Or nonvital organs.
I can guarantee that you will not gain my insight by eating any of my vital organs. Or nonvital organs.