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I see how it is.
Look, I Just Want My Sandwich
Original Minific
The Sandwitch
* Princess Not Included
FiM Minific
A Battery of Excuses
Look, I Just Want My Sandwich
Original Minific
Exactly What You'd Expect
* Princess Not Included
FiM Minific
Three to One
#4809 · 3
Horses are horsie and have been hors├Ęd.
#4259 · 2
· · >>ZaidValRoa
I guess I can make this work.
#4878 · 2
· on The Wrong Side of History · >>Orbiting_kettle
I enjoy your interactions here between Celestia and Luna, and Twilight between them; they feel like old siblings who know each other quite well, yet still the same regality of their show selves. I do also like the touch of Luna comparing the 'pastry terrorists' to the assassins of old. Yet it seems almost like the tone takes a major shift for the goofy halfway through, and I'm left just confused enough by the ending that I feel like... maybe some revision is needed. There's definitely the start of something good here, though; I just think you need to focus that.
#5309 · 2
>Homestar Runner crossover
#4882 · 1
· on No Princesses' Land
First of all, I like the idea. It seems realistic for a conversation between the two on the subject, especially at Twilight's young age. I also like how you've framed it, as a story Twilight's told to her granddaughter. However, I feel like it needs some work. The dialogue isn't... dialogue-y enough; there's not enough of a back-and-forth, as Celestia speaks in these large paragraphs. In addition, I feel like there needs to be more actions, more to break up the long chunks of dialogue when there's nothing but that.
#4885 · 1
· on Disinclusioned · >>GroaningGreyAgony
I liked the first half quite a bit, and while it's a conversation I'd seen before, I do like interaction between these two, particularly about princesshood. The writing there is a bit purple, a bit wordy; the dialogue sections don't really sound like things that the characters would actually say, mostly for these longer words used throughout. I didn't see the ending coming at all, however, and unless I missed something it wasn't adequately foreshadowed. It was a good take on the prompt, but one I didn't feel suited the story because it came out of left field and is a tonal mismatch with the rest. Still, I liked the inclusion of the Unicorn Chess game and your description of Twilight's playing was actually quite enthralling.
#4279 ·
Let's do this, kids.
#4727 ·
Three... two... one... let's horse.
#4872 ·
· on The Midnight Lesson · >>Bachiavellian
The world-building is strong and I very much enjoy Celestia's characterisation; she's new to this, and it shows, but she also has a strong sense of morality. Descriptions are good and dialogue flows naturally. My biggest complaint would be that this only feels like the beginning to something larger, and now I'm intrigued as to where it would go.

Thank you for submitting your work.
#4873 ·
· on Paintbrush
Aw, that was sweet. This Twilight is definitely a slightly different characterisation of that from the show, but it's one that's consistent throughout and it works, given her explanations about her life. Things have changed. She's grown.

What I'm a little confused about is... the timeline? It seems a bit odd to tell a story and then say "And then I told this story" and then continued on from there. This is but a small detail, though; on the whole, I like the narrative device of Twilight telling this to her child.