>>CoffeeMinion
>Homestar Runner crossover
babe

The writing here is stellar, with just the right amount of description, and I like your characterisation of Cadance. Your descriptions are well-balanced between simplicity and flair, and though the beginning starts off with a few choppy sentences, the language flows pretty well through the rest.

The idea behind it... I think I like it? My biggest issue is that I find it too subtle to truly know what's going on. I understand that there is some sort of great evil Sombra has caused, but I'm not sure exactly about the Mi Amore/Cadenza distinction. Like, are they two actual, physical ponies? Personalities? Is Cadenza giving herself up to that domain permanently, or only for a time? (Like, do they switch off?) Really, I would just love to know more about what's going on.

(Disclaimer: Maybe it is more obvious, and I am just an idiot.)

This is definitely an interesting idea, and not one I've seen before. It's well-written, as Jupiter said, and I like how you weave the backstory of the whole project right into the moment; it feels very much like Twilight's thoughts racing (though in a 3rd person lens) just as they're about to blast off. The dialogue and characterisations are quite good, too; really what I want from this is more, and I do hope that you go on to expand it because this seems like a great introduction to a good sci-fi-y story.

I liked the first half quite a bit, and while it's a conversation I'd seen before, I do like interaction between these two, particularly about princesshood. The writing there is a bit purple, a bit wordy; the dialogue sections don't really sound like things that the characters would actually say, mostly for these longer words used throughout. I didn't see the ending coming at all, however, and unless I missed something it wasn't adequately foreshadowed. It was a good take on the prompt, but one I didn't feel suited the story because it came out of left field and is a tonal mismatch with the rest. Still, I liked the inclusion of the Unicorn Chess game and your description of Twilight's playing was actually quite enthralling.

First of all, I like the idea. It seems realistic for a conversation between the two on the subject, especially at Twilight's young age. I also like how you've framed it, as a story Twilight's told to her granddaughter. However, I feel like it needs some work. The dialogue isn't... dialogue-y enough; there's not enough of a back-and-forth, as Celestia speaks in these large paragraphs. In addition, I feel like there needs to be more actions, more to break up the long chunks of dialogue when there's nothing but that.

>>FanOfMostEverything
I agree with this; the prose is dense and hard to follow, particularly in the beginning, and it seems somewhat stilted. The second scene is better, and I like the interaction between Luna and Celestia, but I feel like it could use a tad of the descriptiveness of the first part, just to kind of set the scene. More descriptive language. And yeah, I'd probably just cut the present tense altogether, especially considering you're not sticking to it.

I enjoy your interactions here between Celestia and Luna, and Twilight between them; they feel like old siblings who know each other quite well, yet still the same regality of their show selves. I do also like the touch of Luna comparing the 'pastry terrorists' to the assassins of old. Yet it seems almost like the tone takes a major shift for the goofy halfway through, and I'm left just confused enough by the ending that I feel like... maybe some revision is needed. There's definitely the start of something good here, though; I just think you need to focus that.

Ah, and here we have one of those stories that is so brief, but feels all the better for it. I really like your characterisation of Twilight here, and this highlights an issue that exists in the show, of how kind of weird and stilted the Cutie Map episodes seem. And I like how you work in Twilight's immortality (if I'm interpreting that right). It's kind of chilling, the thought that she's the Princess of Friendship and yet her purpose is to make those friends and... move on once they're gone, making new friends? Really, I think you could add a little more description of the scene, or be a tad more specific about which friends had gone where, but I like the relation to the prompt and your Twilight dialogue is great.

>>FanOfMostEverything The D is optional.

Colour me amused. I like the interactions between Trixie and the Jinn, and I always like a little incompetent bureaucracy combined with someone demanding more than what the bureaucracy is equipped to handle. I agree there needs to be some grammatical polish; in addition, you could do more to set the scene so I get a good feeling of where this takes place. The end is goofy yet fitting, but I'd also like to see it expanded a tad.

Aw, that was sweet. This Twilight is definitely a slightly different characterisation of that from the show, but it's one that's consistent throughout and it works, given her explanations about her life. Things have changed. She's grown.

What I'm a little confused about is... the timeline? It seems a bit odd to tell a story and then say "And then I told this story" and then continued on from there. This is but a small detail, though; on the whole, I like the narrative device of Twilight telling this to her child.

The world-building is strong and I very much enjoy Celestia's characterisation; she's new to this, and it shows, but she also has a strong sense of morality. Descriptions are good and dialogue flows naturally. My biggest complaint would be that this only feels like the beginning to something larger, and now I'm intrigued as to where it would go.

Thank you for submitting your work.

Horses are horsie and have been horsèd.

Three... two... one... let's horse.

Let's do this, kids.

I guess I can make this work.