Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Ascension
“Ten.” Control’s voice boomed over the headset.
Twilight was keenly aware that she was sat atop the largest bomb Equestria had ever built. Practice kept her moving, her eyes dancing between panels as preflight checks turned the lights green one by one. The fear still clutched at her heart, however.
“Nine.”
She glanced over her shoulder at her friends who lay reclined in their seats, strapped into pressure suits. They all had their duties, Pinkie and Rarity were pouring through checklists, Fluttershy kept up a soft whisper over the communication crystals, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared the helm. Only Twilight had no pressing duties, her own fault she’d declared herself Commander months ago, and that left her with nothing but worries to attend to.
“Eight.”
There’s been more than enough worries to attend to. Beyond the metal walls that enclosed them Equestria was dying. For nine months Celestia’s sun had blazed down constantly and it was doubtful that the planet would survive another nine. Storms raged unchecked across Equestria, crops withered in the fields and rivers ran dry beneath the immobile sun.
“Seven.”
“You okay, Twi?” Applejack interjected.
Twilight gave a shaky nod. “Yes. Just... wool-gathering.”
“Six.”
“No worries, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash added. Her grin was alarmingly wide. “Discord’s not going to win this one.”
“Five.”
Twilight swallowed a lump. She wished she had Rainbow Dash’s confidence. After Discord’s reign of madness, after they’d discovered the loss of the Princesses, there had been a great many ponies that believed all was lost. For a while Twilight had been one of them. If not for a single mad idea of Pinkie Pie’s she might have just laid down and died along with Equestria.
“Four.”
“Main engine start,” Pinkie chirped. “Hold on girls!” A thud echoed through the capsule followed by a roar of escaping gas.
Twilight ground her hooves against the seat. Three thousand tones of liquid hydrogen and oxygen lay beneath them. An inconceivable amount a year ago but Equestria had built a chemical industry at a terrifying pace. It seemed every ounce of the nation Twilight loved had been hurled into an ever hungry maw, it would never be the same again.
“Three.”
“All spell patterns clear,” Rarity added. “Guidance is go.”
The whole ship was inconceivable, and Twilight struggled to believe that it had ever been completed. The hull was made of cloud foamed aluminium, something that hadn’t existed before ship had required it, just one of a host of technologies that had been thrown together. Self regulating spells, lifting charms, transmission crystals, as Equestria had demanded critical breakthroughs had come crawling out of the woodwork with mad-ponies to champion them. Somehow, despite the dying world, the ship had been built.
“Two.”
“Communications, go,” Fluttershy said, her voice quavering.
“Navigation, go,” Applejack drawled.
“One.”
“Piloting, go. Come on Twilight, let’s light this firecracker!”
Twilight couldn’t breathe. It was insane right? A fever dream of how they might have saved Equestria. No sane mare would consent to being blasted into space at speeds unimaginable by even the fastest pegasi. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. She wanted to be anywhere else.
Instead, she heard her voice say. “Ignition.”
The explosion was deafening, a roar that blanked out all other sound and rattled the ponies around in their tiny capsule.
“Tower’s free!” Rainbow bellowed, her voice barely a whisper over the all consuming noise.
Twilight groaned as the acceleration pushed down on her, a lead weight on chest. With a howl the ship began to tear its way into the sky. Clouds roiled and boomed with lighting far above them, but the pegasi had torn a hole in the everlasting storm and the ship accelerated towards the patch of blue.
Through the tears pooling in her eyes Twilight could make out Luna’s moon high above, emblazoned with the face of a vengeful alicorn. Discord must have thought it funny to seal her back in her old prison, and ironic to deal with the rest of the Princesses in the same way, but if he’d sought to destroy Equestria he’d made a fatal mistake.
Twilight engaged her microphone as the ship rose ever higher ever faster. “This is the Ascension!” she boomed, her words broadcast across a desperate nation. “We’re on our way.”
Twilight touched a hoof to the Element of Magic on her brow. Ponykind could not reach the sun, nor touch Cadence while she was frozen out of time. The moon, however, was within their grasp.
Twilight was keenly aware that she was sat atop the largest bomb Equestria had ever built. Practice kept her moving, her eyes dancing between panels as preflight checks turned the lights green one by one. The fear still clutched at her heart, however.
“Nine.”
She glanced over her shoulder at her friends who lay reclined in their seats, strapped into pressure suits. They all had their duties, Pinkie and Rarity were pouring through checklists, Fluttershy kept up a soft whisper over the communication crystals, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared the helm. Only Twilight had no pressing duties, her own fault she’d declared herself Commander months ago, and that left her with nothing but worries to attend to.
“Eight.”
There’s been more than enough worries to attend to. Beyond the metal walls that enclosed them Equestria was dying. For nine months Celestia’s sun had blazed down constantly and it was doubtful that the planet would survive another nine. Storms raged unchecked across Equestria, crops withered in the fields and rivers ran dry beneath the immobile sun.
“Seven.”
“You okay, Twi?” Applejack interjected.
Twilight gave a shaky nod. “Yes. Just... wool-gathering.”
“Six.”
“No worries, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash added. Her grin was alarmingly wide. “Discord’s not going to win this one.”
“Five.”
Twilight swallowed a lump. She wished she had Rainbow Dash’s confidence. After Discord’s reign of madness, after they’d discovered the loss of the Princesses, there had been a great many ponies that believed all was lost. For a while Twilight had been one of them. If not for a single mad idea of Pinkie Pie’s she might have just laid down and died along with Equestria.
“Four.”
“Main engine start,” Pinkie chirped. “Hold on girls!” A thud echoed through the capsule followed by a roar of escaping gas.
Twilight ground her hooves against the seat. Three thousand tones of liquid hydrogen and oxygen lay beneath them. An inconceivable amount a year ago but Equestria had built a chemical industry at a terrifying pace. It seemed every ounce of the nation Twilight loved had been hurled into an ever hungry maw, it would never be the same again.
“Three.”
“All spell patterns clear,” Rarity added. “Guidance is go.”
The whole ship was inconceivable, and Twilight struggled to believe that it had ever been completed. The hull was made of cloud foamed aluminium, something that hadn’t existed before ship had required it, just one of a host of technologies that had been thrown together. Self regulating spells, lifting charms, transmission crystals, as Equestria had demanded critical breakthroughs had come crawling out of the woodwork with mad-ponies to champion them. Somehow, despite the dying world, the ship had been built.
“Two.”
“Communications, go,” Fluttershy said, her voice quavering.
“Navigation, go,” Applejack drawled.
“One.”
“Piloting, go. Come on Twilight, let’s light this firecracker!”
Twilight couldn’t breathe. It was insane right? A fever dream of how they might have saved Equestria. No sane mare would consent to being blasted into space at speeds unimaginable by even the fastest pegasi. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run. She wanted to be anywhere else.
Instead, she heard her voice say. “Ignition.”
The explosion was deafening, a roar that blanked out all other sound and rattled the ponies around in their tiny capsule.
“Tower’s free!” Rainbow bellowed, her voice barely a whisper over the all consuming noise.
Twilight groaned as the acceleration pushed down on her, a lead weight on chest. With a howl the ship began to tear its way into the sky. Clouds roiled and boomed with lighting far above them, but the pegasi had torn a hole in the everlasting storm and the ship accelerated towards the patch of blue.
Through the tears pooling in her eyes Twilight could make out Luna’s moon high above, emblazoned with the face of a vengeful alicorn. Discord must have thought it funny to seal her back in her old prison, and ironic to deal with the rest of the Princesses in the same way, but if he’d sought to destroy Equestria he’d made a fatal mistake.
Twilight engaged her microphone as the ship rose ever higher ever faster. “This is the Ascension!” she boomed, her words broadcast across a desperate nation. “We’re on our way.”
Twilight touched a hoof to the Element of Magic on her brow. Ponykind could not reach the sun, nor touch Cadence while she was frozen out of time. The moon, however, was within their grasp.
Ahhhhhhh.
This was... interesting.
The writing is very nice, I felt, and it flows well. Characterizations too seemed spot-on, and descriptions were very nice. At first I wasn't sure how this was related to the prompt, but then I reached Twilight's last dialogue and it fit. That was great.
The story itself is very ominous, and the implications of what happened to Celestia and Cadance just... That was very unsettling. I am curious, though, why Twilight was saved from having some sort of "fate"? Unless she isn't yet a princess in this canon, or maybe Discord spared her for some reason. It might be worth exploring if you ever write a longer version!
Nice fic, if ominous.
This was... interesting.
The writing is very nice, I felt, and it flows well. Characterizations too seemed spot-on, and descriptions were very nice. At first I wasn't sure how this was related to the prompt, but then I reached Twilight's last dialogue and it fit. That was great.
The story itself is very ominous, and the implications of what happened to Celestia and Cadance just... That was very unsettling. I am curious, though, why Twilight was saved from having some sort of "fate"? Unless she isn't yet a princess in this canon, or maybe Discord spared her for some reason. It might be worth exploring if you ever write a longer version!
Nice fic, if ominous.
This is definitely an interesting idea, and not one I've seen before. It's well-written, as Jupiter said, and I like how you weave the backstory of the whole project right into the moment; it feels very much like Twilight's thoughts racing (though in a 3rd person lens) just as they're about to blast off. The dialogue and characterisations are quite good, too; really what I want from this is more, and I do hope that you go on to expand it because this seems like a great introduction to a good sci-fi-y story.
A fascinating concept, yes, but I couldn’t quite enjoy it. Aside from the numerous proofreading flubs, there’s also the strained disbelief that comes from Equestria developing an entire space program and modern industrial from scratch and training the Bearers inside of a year. Yes, they’re utterly, truly desperate, but it still feels more than a little absurd. And there’s the question of why the Elements couldn’t just undo all that Discord had done, as they had before. And how he got out again(?) in the first place. And what the story is with unicorns trying to move the sun. Oh, and at this point, you really do need to indicate whether or not Twilight has wings. She doesn’t appear to in this story, but I can’t be sure.
Again, the concept is great, but I need a lot more justifying background detail before I can buy into it. As is, it feels like a competition of diaboli and dei ex machinae. Still, I do hope you flesh it out. Pony space programs are always a cool topic.
Again, the concept is great, but I need a lot more justifying background detail before I can buy into it. As is, it feels like a competition of diaboli and dei ex machinae. Still, I do hope you flesh it out. Pony space programs are always a cool topic.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Either dei ex machina or dei ex machinis. Ex wants the ablative (singular in the former, plural in the latter).
:P :P :P
dei ex machinae
Either dei ex machina or dei ex machinis. Ex wants the ablative (singular in the former, plural in the latter).
:P :P :P
The only point:
I'll add is the desire for a word or two about where Discord is now. Surely they would've had to have dealt with him--I can't even begin to imagine what tense that verb is in--in some way before doing all this space program stuff. But, yes, iron out the wrinkles, author, and you've got a fun one here.
Mike
I'll add is the desire for a word or two about where Discord is now. Surely they would've had to have dealt with him--I can't even begin to imagine what tense that verb is in--in some way before doing all this space program stuff. But, yes, iron out the wrinkles, author, and you've got a fun one here.
Mike
If this had more words, this would be one of the best I've read. As is, there is tons of tantalizing background details that I want to hear more about, but it barely touches on each one. There just isn't enough space here.
Other than that, this is intriguing. Great job.
Other than that, this is intriguing. Great job.
I wasn't sure about this one until the final line. I think it ends up needing some proofreading, and I could use more explanation of Discord's status etc, but ultimately I'm happy with what this accomplished given its length and the scope of the situation it described.
That last line is the magic, though.
Tier: Good Stuff
That last line is the magic, though.
Tier: Good Stuff
Hmmmm.. I get the feeling that somebody here has discovered Kerbal Space Program!
I agree that nine months is a bit of a ridiculously short time from to build a space craft... But then again, Equestria has always had quite a bit of schizotech...
It's a very interesting and original concept though. It works well enough in this minific, but it could definitely work as a full sized story. There's a lot of fascinating unanswered questions about this world that you've left wide open...
I agree that nine months is a bit of a ridiculously short time from to build a space craft... But then again, Equestria has always had quite a bit of schizotech...
It's a very interesting and original concept though. It works well enough in this minific, but it could definitely work as a full sized story. There's a lot of fascinating unanswered questions about this world that you've left wide open...
