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I really enjoyed the point your story makes, even if it is a bit unsettling to realize that, well, on the surface Twilight really doesn't do anything. It's a good topic that warrants further exploration in a longer fic, perhaps.
The first part with Starswirl could be debated, as it's a bit of headcanon, so it might have been worth it to explore a bit further as Fan pointed out.
The characterization was quite good, I felt, too! I especially liked Rainbow Dash.
Writing was solid, but like Fan said, changing to a new paragraph with every new speaker is very important. That way you can avoid confusing the reader, and the text itself flows better.
The first part with Starswirl could be debated, as it's a bit of headcanon, so it might have been worth it to explore a bit further as Fan pointed out.
The characterization was quite good, I felt, too! I especially liked Rainbow Dash.
Writing was solid, but like Fan said, changing to a new paragraph with every new speaker is very important. That way you can avoid confusing the reader, and the text itself flows better.
This was fun! At first I was unsure of the format, and it takes a bit to understand what's going on, but once you do, it's a very fun fic with an interesting idea.
The characterizations were very good, too, though I felt sometimes Spike's own entries used vocabulary he wouldn't exactly use. Of course, this is up to debate, so that's nothing wrong, more like a preference, I suppose. Dash was great, though, as was Twilight. Twilight's last entry was delightfully amusing, and I feel bad for laughing at her remark on Spike's "limited vocabulary".
The characterizations were very good, too, though I felt sometimes Spike's own entries used vocabulary he wouldn't exactly use. Of course, this is up to debate, so that's nothing wrong, more like a preference, I suppose. Dash was great, though, as was Twilight. Twilight's last entry was delightfully amusing, and I feel bad for laughing at her remark on Spike's "limited vocabulary".
Hi!
I liked the story! It's always nice to see interactions between Luna and Celestia as a filly!
Admittedly, I was confused at first, because it's not instantly clarified that they're fillies, and as such the characterization really threw me off because it's hard to imagine their grown-up versions acting in such a way. I think characterization is really my only complaint, but since they're fillies, that might be more subject to debate.
The descriptions I enjoyed a lot, too! And I love the implications of this because it means that, after Luna was banished, Celestia moved the castle to Canterlot Mountain in her honor.
I liked the story! It's always nice to see interactions between Luna and Celestia as a filly!
Admittedly, I was confused at first, because it's not instantly clarified that they're fillies, and as such the characterization really threw me off because it's hard to imagine their grown-up versions acting in such a way. I think characterization is really my only complaint, but since they're fillies, that might be more subject to debate.
The descriptions I enjoyed a lot, too! And I love the implications of this because it means that, after Luna was banished, Celestia moved the castle to Canterlot Mountain in her honor.
Ahhhhhhh.
This was... interesting.
The writing is very nice, I felt, and it flows well. Characterizations too seemed spot-on, and descriptions were very nice. At first I wasn't sure how this was related to the prompt, but then I reached Twilight's last dialogue and it fit. That was great.
The story itself is very ominous, and the implications of what happened to Celestia and Cadance just... That was very unsettling. I am curious, though, why Twilight was saved from having some sort of "fate"? Unless she isn't yet a princess in this canon, or maybe Discord spared her for some reason. It might be worth exploring if you ever write a longer version!
Nice fic, if ominous.
This was... interesting.
The writing is very nice, I felt, and it flows well. Characterizations too seemed spot-on, and descriptions were very nice. At first I wasn't sure how this was related to the prompt, but then I reached Twilight's last dialogue and it fit. That was great.
The story itself is very ominous, and the implications of what happened to Celestia and Cadance just... That was very unsettling. I am curious, though, why Twilight was saved from having some sort of "fate"? Unless she isn't yet a princess in this canon, or maybe Discord spared her for some reason. It might be worth exploring if you ever write a longer version!
Nice fic, if ominous.
This was very cute!
The writing was solid, and Rarity and Twilight is always a treat to read. Your story is just 750 words, so all my complaints aren't really valid since they'd involve adding more to the story. Rarity's dialogues feel just a teensy bit off in some parts, but nothing too bad, and Twilight herself is very good.
The reveal was very cute, and I could totally hear Rarity's 'innocent' "Yes, darling?" at Twilight's questioning. I also really liked that if can be interpreted both as platonic or romantic, though I'm venturing a guess at saying it was romantic? I don't really feel like she'd be making up so many excuses for a normal friends sleep-over?
All in all, super cute!
The writing was solid, and Rarity and Twilight is always a treat to read. Your story is just 750 words, so all my complaints aren't really valid since they'd involve adding more to the story. Rarity's dialogues feel just a teensy bit off in some parts, but nothing too bad, and Twilight herself is very good.
The reveal was very cute, and I could totally hear Rarity's 'innocent' "Yes, darling?" at Twilight's questioning. I also really liked that if can be interpreted both as platonic or romantic, though I'm venturing a guess at saying it was romantic? I don't really feel like she'd be making up so many excuses for a normal friends sleep-over?
All in all, super cute!