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Standard Dragon Story*
"No," said Twilight.
An immense figure leaned down to better stare down at her as she stood upon her balcony, the sheer magnitude of the creature straining the equine mind. Its head was roughly the size of Twilight's entire castle, its body occupying much of the clearing opposite Ponyville. A sinuous line of stars trailed down its spine, as though to underscore its astronomical size.
The dragon raised an eye ridge. "No?"
"No. I am not going to just sit back and let you kidnap me."
The dragon sighed, forcing Twilight to shield herself against the strong, saliva-misted winds. "Miss Sparkle, you are putting me in a very uncomfortable position."
Twilight crossed her forelimbs once she dropped the barrier spell. "Have you seen my schedule? I don't have time to get kidnapped!"
"Miss Sparkle, I am Draco, the constellatory dragon. And as Mother always said, you can't spell 'constellatory' without 'story.' That's what the constellations are, stories written in the sky. When we descend from the heavens, we have no choice but to act the part. I am not merely a dragon, I am Dragon, trope and archetype. I terrorize villages because that's what dragons do. I hoard treasure because that's what dragons do."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "And you kidnap princesses because that's what dragons do." She sighed and muttered, "The Ursa Minor was never this bad."
Draco chuckled. Dragons have excellent hearing. "Well, bears tend to be rather benign in stories, don't they? So long as they aren't provoked, of course."
"Of course," Twilight grumbled.
"Fortunately for both of us, dragons are also very intelligent, and thus I am aware of my own predilections. If you resist, I fear that convention would demand that I lay waste to this charming little village in the ensuing struggle." Draco gestured towards Ponyville, which had gone into Tirek-class emergency status—remain indoors and away from windows until the all-clear party—ten minutes ago, when he'd first started appeared on the horizon. "Given what I've heard about you, I assumed you'd prefer the more efficient option."
"Yes, I would." Twilight smirked. "Which is why I went with the most efficient option."
Draco tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it so happens that I know another dragon. One who's nothing like the stories. And he got in touch with the one princess who you'd never dare kidnap."
Draco gave a thunderous scoff. "I can't imagine who you could possibly be ref—"
"DRACO!" If the scoff was thunder, the shout was a meteor impact.
Physically, Draco stayed the same, but he seemed to shrink in on himself almost as much as his pupils did. Slowly, inexorably, he turned his head to the source of the shout. "M-Mother?"
Luna hovered some distance from the balcony, scowling at him. "What did I tell you about giving in to your narrative compulsions?"
He tried to grin. He certainly managed to bare his teeth. "W-Well, it was so long ago. You can't possibly expect me to—"
"Dragons have excellent memories, young drake."
Draco glared at Luna. "I am over two thousand years old, Mother, I—"
"Am going to your room this instant," said Luna, matching the glare effortlessly. "I didn't raise you to talk back to me like that."
Draco slammed his fist into the earth, making Twilight stumble with the resulting tremors. "You barely raised me at all! You were always with Orion, or Cassiopeia, or the twins, or one of the other pony constellations! Because that's what this is really about, isn't it, Mother? You're ashamed of me! You've always wished that I could be a pony, or a dumb beast, or a set of black-hole-riddled scales! Well, you know what? I—"
Luna drifted closer to Twilight as Draco's rant went on. "This has become rather personal," Luna said as she lit her horn, carefully directed Royal Canterlot Voice somehow cutting through the tirade without putting any more strain on Twilight's ears. "Please excuse us." And in a burst of antilight, moon and stars were gone.
Twilight waited for a few moments just to be sure. Then she turned around and gave a shout of her own. "We're good, everypony! Pinkie, start the We're Not Dead party!"
An immense figure leaned down to better stare down at her as she stood upon her balcony, the sheer magnitude of the creature straining the equine mind. Its head was roughly the size of Twilight's entire castle, its body occupying much of the clearing opposite Ponyville. A sinuous line of stars trailed down its spine, as though to underscore its astronomical size.
The dragon raised an eye ridge. "No?"
"No. I am not going to just sit back and let you kidnap me."
The dragon sighed, forcing Twilight to shield herself against the strong, saliva-misted winds. "Miss Sparkle, you are putting me in a very uncomfortable position."
Twilight crossed her forelimbs once she dropped the barrier spell. "Have you seen my schedule? I don't have time to get kidnapped!"
"Miss Sparkle, I am Draco, the constellatory dragon. And as Mother always said, you can't spell 'constellatory' without 'story.' That's what the constellations are, stories written in the sky. When we descend from the heavens, we have no choice but to act the part. I am not merely a dragon, I am Dragon, trope and archetype. I terrorize villages because that's what dragons do. I hoard treasure because that's what dragons do."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "And you kidnap princesses because that's what dragons do." She sighed and muttered, "The Ursa Minor was never this bad."
Draco chuckled. Dragons have excellent hearing. "Well, bears tend to be rather benign in stories, don't they? So long as they aren't provoked, of course."
"Of course," Twilight grumbled.
"Fortunately for both of us, dragons are also very intelligent, and thus I am aware of my own predilections. If you resist, I fear that convention would demand that I lay waste to this charming little village in the ensuing struggle." Draco gestured towards Ponyville, which had gone into Tirek-class emergency status—remain indoors and away from windows until the all-clear party—ten minutes ago, when he'd first started appeared on the horizon. "Given what I've heard about you, I assumed you'd prefer the more efficient option."
"Yes, I would." Twilight smirked. "Which is why I went with the most efficient option."
Draco tilted his head. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it so happens that I know another dragon. One who's nothing like the stories. And he got in touch with the one princess who you'd never dare kidnap."
Draco gave a thunderous scoff. "I can't imagine who you could possibly be ref—"
"DRACO!" If the scoff was thunder, the shout was a meteor impact.
Physically, Draco stayed the same, but he seemed to shrink in on himself almost as much as his pupils did. Slowly, inexorably, he turned his head to the source of the shout. "M-Mother?"
Luna hovered some distance from the balcony, scowling at him. "What did I tell you about giving in to your narrative compulsions?"
He tried to grin. He certainly managed to bare his teeth. "W-Well, it was so long ago. You can't possibly expect me to—"
"Dragons have excellent memories, young drake."
Draco glared at Luna. "I am over two thousand years old, Mother, I—"
"Am going to your room this instant," said Luna, matching the glare effortlessly. "I didn't raise you to talk back to me like that."
Draco slammed his fist into the earth, making Twilight stumble with the resulting tremors. "You barely raised me at all! You were always with Orion, or Cassiopeia, or the twins, or one of the other pony constellations! Because that's what this is really about, isn't it, Mother? You're ashamed of me! You've always wished that I could be a pony, or a dumb beast, or a set of black-hole-riddled scales! Well, you know what? I—"
Luna drifted closer to Twilight as Draco's rant went on. "This has become rather personal," Luna said as she lit her horn, carefully directed Royal Canterlot Voice somehow cutting through the tirade without putting any more strain on Twilight's ears. "Please excuse us." And in a burst of antilight, moon and stars were gone.
Twilight waited for a few moments just to be sure. Then she turned around and gave a shout of her own. "We're good, everypony! Pinkie, start the We're Not Dead party!"
The sheer ridiculousness of this concept brought a big, dumb grin to my face. It was cute, the description and character of Draco were both well done and interesting, and I really enjoy the headcanon of Luna being the mother of these star-beasts, or whatever you wanna call them. It was also a rather unique interpretation of the prompt, and an extremely obvious one, in retrospect. My only real complaint would be that Twilight seemed a smidgen removed from her character, coming across as a bit too ornery overall, but that's a nitpick more than anything.
It's simple, succinct, and show-tone. I really enjoyed this one. Great job!
It's simple, succinct, and show-tone. I really enjoyed this one. Great job!
I’m not sure if I’m more surprised, disappointed, or relieved that only two people chose to put asterisks in their titles. Or one person who submitted two stories.
In any case, this was a quite fun study in juxtapositions. I quite like the lore about constellation creatures. And given the Tantabus, Luna does seem to have an unfortunate tendency to create consciousnesses without considering the consequences.
Argon makes a good point about Twilight seeming more peevish than usual. You can better justify that in the expansion. Maybe this is taking place in the middle of an unreasonably busy time for the Princess of Friendship. Whatever the case, I hope you do expand this.
In any case, this was a quite fun study in juxtapositions. I quite like the lore about constellation creatures. And given the Tantabus, Luna does seem to have an unfortunate tendency to create consciousnesses without considering the consequences.
Argon makes a good point about Twilight seeming more peevish than usual. You can better justify that in the expansion. Maybe this is taking place in the middle of an unreasonably busy time for the Princess of Friendship. Whatever the case, I hope you do expand this.
This got a number of genuine chuckles from me. All in all, solid entry.
One nitpick : "Am going to your room this instant," -> 'Are going' is what it should be.
But I liked the idea Luna is constellation-Mom, although I think you should clear our Castor and Pollux are now ponies because I did have a moment of double-take there of 'Why are there humans?' which I dont think you intended.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Busy Twilight is always peevish, just look back to episode 1 when she was super annoyed she couldn't study because Pinkie was throwing a party in her new library.
One nitpick : "Am going to your room this instant," -> 'Are going' is what it should be.
But I liked the idea Luna is constellation-Mom, although I think you should clear our Castor and Pollux are now ponies because I did have a moment of double-take there of 'Why are there humans?' which I dont think you intended.
>>FanOfMostEverything
Busy Twilight is always peevish, just look back to episode 1 when she was super annoyed she couldn't study because Pinkie was throwing a party in her new library.
I love the concept here, and you do well fitting it into 750 words. Very solid.
>>Morning Sun
As an extension of the previous sentence that Draco was saying, 'am' makes more sense here. That being said, it still sounds weird.
>>Morning Sun
As an extension of the previous sentence that Draco was saying, 'am' makes more sense here. That being said, it still sounds weird.
This took a really strong swerve in the middle, and I think it... mostly works? Still, I think you've crippled your narrative slightly with how quickly you move from 'mostly hopeless situation' to 'mostly resolved situation'. It was interesting and the character stuff was good, but... it never really drew me in as deeply as it might have.
Standard Dragon Story*
Of course, the story I threw together last Saturday night did vastly better. Part of that may be the lack of politics, but I'm pretty sure it's because it's a lot better focused and funnier.
With this one, I took a different angle. Instead of using a situation where there isn't a princess from the start, create one where her absence is a lot more unusual and notable. Then my mind went to narrative convention, then Terry Pratchett, then why the constellations are in the sky. Also, I remembered that this image exists. The end result was an unexpected expansion of my headcanon. I already have the Fimfic version outlined.
Again, thanks for the feedback: >>ArgonMatrix >>Morning Sun >>EmotionalFlight >>CoffeeMinion >>Not_A_Hat
Of course, the story I threw together last Saturday night did vastly better. Part of that may be the lack of politics, but I'm pretty sure it's because it's a lot better focused and funnier.
With this one, I took a different angle. Instead of using a situation where there isn't a princess from the start, create one where her absence is a lot more unusual and notable. Then my mind went to narrative convention, then Terry Pratchett, then why the constellations are in the sky. Also, I remembered that this image exists. The end result was an unexpected expansion of my headcanon. I already have the Fimfic version outlined.
Again, thanks for the feedback: >>ArgonMatrix >>Morning Sun >>EmotionalFlight >>CoffeeMinion >>Not_A_Hat
>>FanOfMostEverything
Cool image, reminds me of this similar one. Constellations make for fun characters. Also, something something cool short story.
Cool image, reminds me of this similar one. Constellations make for fun characters. Also, something something cool short story.