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There's only one real flaw with this story. >>horizon says it quite well, but he failed to outright state the problem: This story needs a sex joke at the end. Somewhere between Luna returning to Celestia and Luna offering to bake a lemon chiffon pie, there is a missing sex joke. That's it. I'd elaborate why, but it's already been said better than I could.
Anyways, I seriously enjoyed both types of comedy here. Just don't forget that even if Luna's heart grew three sizes that day, she still didn't get any sex.
>>Bad Horse I believe it's meant to be transitional. (?) The problem is that romantic love doesn't exactly make lust disappear. A similar story might have the main character continue interjecting a small number of sex jokes even during the part when being pulled fully under sway of romanticism. After the dinner with the Apple family, Luna makes the sensible decision to not make sex jokes. In the similar-yet-different hypothetical story, what would happen is that after the scene of full-on common-folk homespun-ness, sexual comedy would come back in full force only to be defeated by romanticism. Then the return, where the protagonist demonstrates the change by baking a pie. But this is not a story where romantic love defeats lust. They are not in opposition here, as this is not a story where one force defeats the other. The story merely transitions from one style of comedy to another. Hence the need for a sex joke at the denouncement. (See?)
Anyways, I seriously enjoyed both types of comedy here. Just don't forget that even if Luna's heart grew three sizes that day, she still didn't get any sex.
>>Bad Horse I believe it's meant to be transitional. (?) The problem is that romantic love doesn't exactly make lust disappear. A similar story might have the main character continue interjecting a small number of sex jokes even during the part when being pulled fully under sway of romanticism. After the dinner with the Apple family, Luna makes the sensible decision to not make sex jokes. In the similar-yet-different hypothetical story, what would happen is that after the scene of full-on common-folk homespun-ness, sexual comedy would come back in full force only to be defeated by romanticism. Then the return, where the protagonist demonstrates the change by baking a pie. But this is not a story where romantic love defeats lust. They are not in opposition here, as this is not a story where one force defeats the other. The story merely transitions from one style of comedy to another. Hence the need for a sex joke at the denouncement. (See?)
>>FanOfMostEverything
Cool image, reminds me of this similar one. Constellations make for fun characters. Also, something something cool short story.
Cool image, reminds me of this similar one. Constellations make for fun characters. Also, something something cool short story.