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There's a Metaphor in Here Somewhere (also the Simpsons)
One fine summer day, Rainbow Dash was sitting at a table in Sugarcube Corner, leaning back, sipping on a milkshake, and generally being her awesome self. Things only grew more awesome when she spotted her friends approaching from the other side of the restaurant, led by Twilight, who held a newspaper high above her head.
"Hey, girls." Rainbow said, waving. She pointed at the paper. "Ooh, did everypony write about us saving all those orphans from that burning building yesterday?"
"Yep," Applejack said, lips pursed. "You didn't tell us that they interviewed you, though."'
Twilight threw the paper down on the table. "Why don't you check out the headline?" Everypony crowded around the table to get a good look.
"Heck yeah," Rainbow said, nodding. She smiled at all her friends—but her expression quickly faded when she realized everypony was glaring. "What's up with all of you?"
"'Rainbow and Her Friends?'" Rarity repeated.
"What about it? What else would they publish?"
"What about the Elements of Harmony?" Fluttershy asked. "I like that name."
"Me too," said Twilight. She slapped the newspaper. "Where are we in this? The article doesn't mention us once!"
"Sure it does!" Rainbow pointed to 'Her Friends' in the headline. "You're all right here." She paused, then gave a toothy smile and pointed to her chest. "And in my heart."
"Very sentimental," Rarity said, rolling her eyes.
"You're making us feel as useless as a cider press in January," said Applejack. "It's like we're all just your assistants!"
"And this isn't the first time you've done this," said Twilight. She threw a magazine on the table—one with a photo of Rainbow plastered across the cover. "Remember when we stopped Tirek? You got the front page in Adventurer's Daily—'List of Top Five Ponies Who Helped Rainbow Dash Save the Country.'"
"Hey, don't blame me!" Rainbow said. "Blame the journalists!"
"And what about when we unclogged Mayor Mare's toilet last week?" Fluttershy asked. ""All I saw in the newspaper was 'Rainbow Dash Leads Plumbing Brigade.'"
Rainbow looked away. "I did hold the plunger."
"What about when we started a band and you called us 'the Rainbooms?'" Pinkie asked, slamming her hooves on the table. "Huh? Where's your excuse for that?!"
Rainbow blinked. "What?"
Pinkie kept fuming—until Twilight pulled her back. "Wrong dimension, Pinkie."
"Still!" added Rarity. "Even her human self is an egomaniac!"
"Oh, come on." Rainbow sneered. "What about when they publish 'Twilight and Friends?' No one gets mad then."
"That's because I'm the Princess," said Twilight. "The leader of the group."
The four mares behind her brayed in protest. "Whoa nelly!" Applejack said. "You're the leader? Since when?"
Twilight's cheeks reddened. "Since I defeated Nightmare Moon," she mumbled.
"As I recall," Rarity said, "all of us took out Nightmare Moon. Not just you."
Applejack nodded. "If anything, I'm the leader! I'm the level-headed one."
"You also talk to trees," said Rarity, smirking. She took a bow. "Obviously, I'm the leader. I do design the costumes, after all."
Fluttershy frowned. "I thought I was the leader."
Rainbow raised a brow. "So which one of us is the leader?"
"I always thought it was them," Pinkie said, pointing at the author.
The author blinked and wondered what he would have for breakfast.
Everypony nodded and gave a murmur of agreement.
A moment of silence passed.
Pinkie looked at Rainbow and her newspaper. "This is still kinda douchey, though."
Rainbow sighed. "Yeah."
Across the country, the reader prepared to give this piece a scathing review.
Off in the human world, the Rainbooms stood on stage in the front of a smoky nightclub, staring out into the raging crowd. They had only played for ten minutes so far, and yet already Sunset's amp had exploded, Pinkie's drumsticks broke, and Rainbow contracted laryngitis. The audience roared, booing the teenage band with all their might.
Fluttershy hung her head. "I can't believe it..."
Rainbow's magic ears drooped. "Are they booing us?" she croaked.
"No, no!" Pinkie said, pulling her two friends into a hug. She offered them both a shaky, too-wide smile. "They're saying... Rainbooms! Rainbooms!"
With the crowd still screaming, Rainbow stepped up to the mic and asked, "Are you saying 'boo' or 'Rainbooms?'"
The entire crowd let out a unified boo. Half of them threw their drinks right at Rainbow's face.
In the very back of the club, Derpy Hooves sighed. "I was saying Rainbooms..."
"Hey, girls." Rainbow said, waving. She pointed at the paper. "Ooh, did everypony write about us saving all those orphans from that burning building yesterday?"
"Yep," Applejack said, lips pursed. "You didn't tell us that they interviewed you, though."'
Twilight threw the paper down on the table. "Why don't you check out the headline?" Everypony crowded around the table to get a good look.
RAINBOW DASH AND FRIENDS SAVE FOALS
"Yeah, I'm pretty awesome at that," says local Wonderbolt hero
"Heck yeah," Rainbow said, nodding. She smiled at all her friends—but her expression quickly faded when she realized everypony was glaring. "What's up with all of you?"
"'Rainbow and Her Friends?'" Rarity repeated.
"What about it? What else would they publish?"
"What about the Elements of Harmony?" Fluttershy asked. "I like that name."
"Me too," said Twilight. She slapped the newspaper. "Where are we in this? The article doesn't mention us once!"
"Sure it does!" Rainbow pointed to 'Her Friends' in the headline. "You're all right here." She paused, then gave a toothy smile and pointed to her chest. "And in my heart."
"Very sentimental," Rarity said, rolling her eyes.
"You're making us feel as useless as a cider press in January," said Applejack. "It's like we're all just your assistants!"
"And this isn't the first time you've done this," said Twilight. She threw a magazine on the table—one with a photo of Rainbow plastered across the cover. "Remember when we stopped Tirek? You got the front page in Adventurer's Daily—'List of Top Five Ponies Who Helped Rainbow Dash Save the Country.'"
"Hey, don't blame me!" Rainbow said. "Blame the journalists!"
"And what about when we unclogged Mayor Mare's toilet last week?" Fluttershy asked. ""All I saw in the newspaper was 'Rainbow Dash Leads Plumbing Brigade.'"
Rainbow looked away. "I did hold the plunger."
"What about when we started a band and you called us 'the Rainbooms?'" Pinkie asked, slamming her hooves on the table. "Huh? Where's your excuse for that?!"
Rainbow blinked. "What?"
Pinkie kept fuming—until Twilight pulled her back. "Wrong dimension, Pinkie."
"Still!" added Rarity. "Even her human self is an egomaniac!"
"Oh, come on." Rainbow sneered. "What about when they publish 'Twilight and Friends?' No one gets mad then."
"That's because I'm the Princess," said Twilight. "The leader of the group."
The four mares behind her brayed in protest. "Whoa nelly!" Applejack said. "You're the leader? Since when?"
Twilight's cheeks reddened. "Since I defeated Nightmare Moon," she mumbled.
"As I recall," Rarity said, "all of us took out Nightmare Moon. Not just you."
Applejack nodded. "If anything, I'm the leader! I'm the level-headed one."
"You also talk to trees," said Rarity, smirking. She took a bow. "Obviously, I'm the leader. I do design the costumes, after all."
Fluttershy frowned. "I thought I was the leader."
Rainbow raised a brow. "So which one of us is the leader?"
"I always thought it was them," Pinkie said, pointing at the author.
The author blinked and wondered what he would have for breakfast.
Everypony nodded and gave a murmur of agreement.
A moment of silence passed.
Pinkie looked at Rainbow and her newspaper. "This is still kinda douchey, though."
Rainbow sighed. "Yeah."
Across the country, the reader prepared to give this piece a scathing review.
Off in the human world, the Rainbooms stood on stage in the front of a smoky nightclub, staring out into the raging crowd. They had only played for ten minutes so far, and yet already Sunset's amp had exploded, Pinkie's drumsticks broke, and Rainbow contracted laryngitis. The audience roared, booing the teenage band with all their might.
Fluttershy hung her head. "I can't believe it..."
Rainbow's magic ears drooped. "Are they booing us?" she croaked.
"No, no!" Pinkie said, pulling her two friends into a hug. She offered them both a shaky, too-wide smile. "They're saying... Rainbooms! Rainbooms!"
With the crowd still screaming, Rainbow stepped up to the mic and asked, "Are you saying 'boo' or 'Rainbooms?'"
The entire crowd let out a unified boo. Half of them threw their drinks right at Rainbow's face.
In the very back of the club, Derpy Hooves sighed. "I was saying Rainbooms..."
Across the country, the reader prepared to give this piece a scathing review.How prophetic.
Well, I wouldn’t call it scathing, but I didn’t much care for this one. Too metareferential even for my tastes, consisting mostly of the Bearers of Harmony yelling at each other and not actually accomplishing much in the way of anything. If there is a metaphor here, I’m not seeing it. Investing a decent chunk of the word count in an almost entirely unrelated punchline didn’t help matters.
That being said, Hans Moleman as Derpy’s great-uncle? Headcanon accepted.
But yeah, not really sure what you were hoping to accomplish here.
So, uh, I was onboard until:
...and then you lost me.
Not only does this sound wildly out of character for Fluttershy, but nothing after that pulls the story back on track. Neither the meta stuff or the the scene with the Rainbooms seem to have a point.
The first bit of this was genuinely interesting and funny. However, it seemed to choke really hard about halfway through.
Fluttershy frowned. "I thought I was the leader."
...and then you lost me.
Not only does this sound wildly out of character for Fluttershy, but nothing after that pulls the story back on track. Neither the meta stuff or the the scene with the Rainbooms seem to have a point.
The first bit of this was genuinely interesting and funny. However, it seemed to choke really hard about halfway through.
This seems to be a random comedy, but (to me, at least) it’s not random enough to really amuse by being surprising. It’s almost as the author ran into time pressure and had to finish it quickly. ;) At that level, and that level only, I like the Signal from Fred.
If there's one thing I've learned in my years of reading ponyfics, it's that having Pinkie break the fourth wall is never a good idea. (There is a possible exception for stories that are specifically about Pinkie and the fourth wall, but my point is that those jokes are never as funny as the author seems to think they are.)
Until that part, I was enjoying this story. It's an idea that was already covered in the Mare Do Well episode, but it's not like the show's writers have let Rainbow keep much character development either.
The ending scene was also funny, but I don't see how it connects.
Basically, this story almost works really well for me. But with comedy, there's not usually much room between "great" and "meh."
Until that part, I was enjoying this story. It's an idea that was already covered in the Mare Do Well episode, but it's not like the show's writers have let Rainbow keep much character development either.
The ending scene was also funny, but I don't see how it connects.
Basically, this story almost works really well for me. But with comedy, there's not usually much room between "great" and "meh."
There’s a Metaphor — B — First impressions: Rainbow Dash bribes a newspaper. (+) It flows well, and has fairly good voice for each character. The humor of it strikes true. (-) Then it breaks right across the fourth wall and breaks the chain. Sigh. Leaving the tail end glued on like Eeyore's tail. Sigh again.
Well, I can see who wrote this now, so I can't say this is an unbiased review. But I thought it was funny and I wish it had been on my slate. The ending was stolen outright from a classic Simpsons episode, which is risky because not everyone may have seen it, but I think you adapted it to MLP well enough to basically pull it off. And lampshading it with the title buys you some measure of safety.
Pinkie's fourth wall break was fine with me, but what I don't understand is how the ending connects to everything that came before. Maybe I just missed the metaphor? :-p
Pinkie's fourth wall break was fine with me, but what I don't understand is how the ending connects to everything that came before. Maybe I just missed the metaphor? :-p
I liked this one. It was a good example of every character thinking they're the main character in their own story, although as >>Not_A_Hat said the Fluttershy bit was odd. I don't think Flutters would consider herself a leader. Whether she CAN is unimportant because that's not the role she would choose most readily for herself.
That said the story started to go off the rails at the end. Just before the break it was kinda cute and quirky but afterwards, with the band, it felt tacked on and weird. It didn't flow with the rest of the story and felt more like arbitrary hate for the EQG universe than anything. I think the story would have been better without. It's so disconnected from the feel of the rest that, especially with the story sitting at precisely 750 words, it feels more like padding than an addition.
Of course, I never watched the Simpsons so perhaps the joke is just lost on me. Still something to consider.
That said the story started to go off the rails at the end. Just before the break it was kinda cute and quirky but afterwards, with the band, it felt tacked on and weird. It didn't flow with the rest of the story and felt more like arbitrary hate for the EQG universe than anything. I think the story would have been better without. It's so disconnected from the feel of the rest that, especially with the story sitting at precisely 750 words, it feels more like padding than an addition.
Of course, I never watched the Simpsons so perhaps the joke is just lost on me. Still something to consider.