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Diss Track - to the Tune of Rapper’s Delight
OK, let’s see if this rap will stick
Got yo girl over, she’s riding my... horse
Step aside boy, I’ve got the right, of... way
Why so quiet? Not a lot to... ask?
I’ll make sure to complete this... assignment
Rock you so hard I’m gonna change your... motivation
The way I’m not rhyming is cause for... concern
[tape stop]
Got yo girl over, she’s riding my... horse
Step aside boy, I’ve got the right, of... way
Why so quiet? Not a lot to... ask?
I’ll make sure to complete this... assignment
Rock you so hard I’m gonna change your... motivation
The way I’m not rhyming is cause for... concern
[tape stop]
(Pokémon!)
It's killer bee
You know it's my bourgeoisie
…
A heart fish glue
Our courage will stomach flu
You teach me, and I'll ooze through
Genghis Khan!
Gotta lemon ball!
Source: unknown author on Tumblr, repeated from memory; sadly, I think I lost the original link years ago…
Anyway, I don't know. Scattered thoughts:
* The chaining gimmick took me a reread to work out.
* I'm a little concerned about what might be paired with “horse”. “force”? “Morse”?
* The second line sticks one appendage over the rating boundary and waves it, and that makes me uncomfortable in a way that's hard to distinguish from just getting squicked at the attitude implied.
* If “assignment” is meant to go with “alignment”, then that's getting kind of MC Frontalot all of a sudden.
* Is the title a pun referring to the viewpoint character's mental state? But then where's the last part of the word, if so?
It's killer bee
You know it's my bourgeoisie
…
A heart fish glue
Our courage will stomach flu
You teach me, and I'll ooze through
Genghis Khan!
Gotta lemon ball!
Source: unknown author on Tumblr, repeated from memory; sadly, I think I lost the original link years ago…
Anyway, I don't know. Scattered thoughts:
* The chaining gimmick took me a reread to work out.
* I'm a little concerned about what might be paired with “horse”. “force”? “Morse”?
* The second line sticks one appendage over the rating boundary and waves it, and that makes me uncomfortable in a way that's hard to distinguish from just getting squicked at the attitude implied.
* If “assignment” is meant to go with “alignment”, then that's getting kind of MC Frontalot all of a sudden.
* Is the title a pun referring to the viewpoint character's mental state? But then where's the last part of the word, if so?
Okay, you got me to roll my eyes. Especially that second line; it comes out of the blue just fast enough to amuse. There's also definitely a bit of fun in figuring out what some of the tougher substitutions were meant to be.
Other than that, though, I feel like there's not much else that this piece is trying to do. You've definitely succeeded in making the kind of piece that deliberately throws off its own rhythm, but since the overall payoff of every line is basically the same, the shtick does feel a little worn out by the end.
Thanks for entering!
Other than that, though, I feel like there's not much else that this piece is trying to do. You've definitely succeeded in making the kind of piece that deliberately throws off its own rhythm, but since the overall payoff of every line is basically the same, the shtick does feel a little worn out by the end.
Thanks for entering!
Interesting how you set up each line to have a rhyming word then swapped it out for a synonym. I didn't spend too long thinking about it, but I didn't immediately see what the original word might have been for the last two lines.
Cute, but it's just the gimmick, with no story or meaning behind it. It would be boring if everyone wrote serious pieces, though, so thanks for something funny.
Cute, but it's just the gimmick, with no story or meaning behind it. It would be boring if everyone wrote serious pieces, though, so thanks for something funny.
