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Memento Merry
The six ponies sat around their table, hooves, or in one case mouth, around their hayburgers.
“Did anypony get mine? It had extra cheese!” Rainbow Dash broke the silence, watching Twilight with anticipation. The other pony just looked confused, but Rainbow snickered anyways. “Cheese, get it? Like Quesadillas?”
Everypony frowned at her except Fluttershy, who was still busy checking her hayburger for extra cheese, and Pinkie, who was still busy being Pinkie. “Come on, it was funny!” Rainbow Dash protested in the face of their glares. “So, what else is in your secret party cave, Pinkie? Any other fun gossip?”
Pinkie just shook her head. “Don’t be silly, Dashie! I can’t talk about anypony else. Planner partygoer confidentiality! There are laws! I think hippos wrote them!”
“Pinkie, I think that’s for doc-” Twilight started to say, then she noticed the predatory grin on Rainbow Dash’s face. “You know what, never mind.”
Silence, interrupted only by chewing, returned for a few moments. Then Applejack frowned in thought.
“Wait, anypony else?” She asked. “Does that mean you plan parties for yourself, too?”
“Of course!” Pinkie boasted. “I’m going to organize all sorts of great Pinkie birthday parties and Pinkie anniversaries and a Pinkie funeral. Well, I guess somepony else will have to organize the Pinkie funeral, but I still made a plan. Maybe I can get Cheese Sandwich to do it?”
Most of the ponies looked quite startled at that; Rainbow Dash looked briefly surprised, but just shook her head and gave a resigned laugh. “Figures. If anypony would plan her own funeral, it would be Pinkie Pie.”
Said pony gave a huge nod. “It’s going to be great! There’s going to be cotton candy and pin the halo on the pony and stand up comedy acts! Really put the ‘fun’ in ‘fun’eral!” She waved her hooves wildly, illustrating each attraction, before finally noticed the looks she was getting from her friends. “What?”
"Ah, Pinkie dear, isn't that kind of tasteless for a funeral?"
“No way! I wouldn’t want anypony to be sad at my funeral!” Pinkie stated confidently. “Everypony should be laughing and having fun!”
Everypony looked at somepony else, each hoping not to be the one to respond to that. Finally Twilight spoke up.
“Pinkie, a funeral isn’t about having fun. It’s about celebrating and honoring the memory of the pony who died.”
“Of course it is, silly!” Pinkie replied. “That’s why I want everypony to have fun, because that’s how I want to be remembered. If you were planning Rarity’s funeral, you wouldn’t use cheap and tacky decorations, would you?”
The unicorn gave a gasp and a shudder at the thought. Pinkie nodded knowingly. “I don’t mind if other ponies want to have extra-sad funerals with ceremonies and speeches and stuff, but it’s my funeral and I’ll do what I want to. Well, wanted to.”
“I think that sounds… kinda nice,” Fluttershy offered quietly. Then she hesitated when the others looked at her with surprise. “Everyone being happy, I mean.”
Most of her friends seemed to accept that, but not all. "It just feels like being happy at a funeral is gosh darn disrespectful,” came a voice of dissent.
“Disrespectful to who, Applejack?” Pinkie asked. “Because I would want you to have fun. Isn’t that all that matters?”
She looked around the table. Burgers lay ignored in various stages of consumption, but one by one each pony gave a thoughtful nod. “Good! Now have fun at my funeral or I’m going to haunt you! I want it to be the bestest funeral ever!” She said, reaching her forelegs around the table and somehow managing to pull everypony into a giant hug. “I just wish I could be there! Actually, Twilight, know any good books on zombies?”
“Did anypony get mine? It had extra cheese!” Rainbow Dash broke the silence, watching Twilight with anticipation. The other pony just looked confused, but Rainbow snickered anyways. “Cheese, get it? Like Quesadillas?”
Everypony frowned at her except Fluttershy, who was still busy checking her hayburger for extra cheese, and Pinkie, who was still busy being Pinkie. “Come on, it was funny!” Rainbow Dash protested in the face of their glares. “So, what else is in your secret party cave, Pinkie? Any other fun gossip?”
Pinkie just shook her head. “Don’t be silly, Dashie! I can’t talk about anypony else. Planner partygoer confidentiality! There are laws! I think hippos wrote them!”
“Pinkie, I think that’s for doc-” Twilight started to say, then she noticed the predatory grin on Rainbow Dash’s face. “You know what, never mind.”
Silence, interrupted only by chewing, returned for a few moments. Then Applejack frowned in thought.
“Wait, anypony else?” She asked. “Does that mean you plan parties for yourself, too?”
“Of course!” Pinkie boasted. “I’m going to organize all sorts of great Pinkie birthday parties and Pinkie anniversaries and a Pinkie funeral. Well, I guess somepony else will have to organize the Pinkie funeral, but I still made a plan. Maybe I can get Cheese Sandwich to do it?”
Most of the ponies looked quite startled at that; Rainbow Dash looked briefly surprised, but just shook her head and gave a resigned laugh. “Figures. If anypony would plan her own funeral, it would be Pinkie Pie.”
Said pony gave a huge nod. “It’s going to be great! There’s going to be cotton candy and pin the halo on the pony and stand up comedy acts! Really put the ‘fun’ in ‘fun’eral!” She waved her hooves wildly, illustrating each attraction, before finally noticed the looks she was getting from her friends. “What?”
"Ah, Pinkie dear, isn't that kind of tasteless for a funeral?"
“No way! I wouldn’t want anypony to be sad at my funeral!” Pinkie stated confidently. “Everypony should be laughing and having fun!”
Everypony looked at somepony else, each hoping not to be the one to respond to that. Finally Twilight spoke up.
“Pinkie, a funeral isn’t about having fun. It’s about celebrating and honoring the memory of the pony who died.”
“Of course it is, silly!” Pinkie replied. “That’s why I want everypony to have fun, because that’s how I want to be remembered. If you were planning Rarity’s funeral, you wouldn’t use cheap and tacky decorations, would you?”
The unicorn gave a gasp and a shudder at the thought. Pinkie nodded knowingly. “I don’t mind if other ponies want to have extra-sad funerals with ceremonies and speeches and stuff, but it’s my funeral and I’ll do what I want to. Well, wanted to.”
“I think that sounds… kinda nice,” Fluttershy offered quietly. Then she hesitated when the others looked at her with surprise. “Everyone being happy, I mean.”
Most of her friends seemed to accept that, but not all. "It just feels like being happy at a funeral is gosh darn disrespectful,” came a voice of dissent.
“Disrespectful to who, Applejack?” Pinkie asked. “Because I would want you to have fun. Isn’t that all that matters?”
She looked around the table. Burgers lay ignored in various stages of consumption, but one by one each pony gave a thoughtful nod. “Good! Now have fun at my funeral or I’m going to haunt you! I want it to be the bestest funeral ever!” She said, reaching her forelegs around the table and somehow managing to pull everypony into a giant hug. “I just wish I could be there! Actually, Twilight, know any good books on zombies?”
I love the title and the idea for the story. It fits Pinkie Pie very well, and it's a nice message.
Little critique: Picturing Pinkie Pie being bussy being Pinkie Pie is kinda hard to picture. While I totally dig descriptions that make Pinkie Pie somehow bend laws of physics (like the one in the last paragraph), this didn't work. Also, the cheese joke... I just went: "Huh?" That made the start a big rough.
Anyway, this'll go pretty far up on my stack.
Little critique: Picturing Pinkie Pie being bussy being Pinkie Pie is kinda hard to picture. While I totally dig descriptions that make Pinkie Pie somehow bend laws of physics (like the one in the last paragraph), this didn't work. Also, the cheese joke... I just went: "Huh?" That made the start a big rough.
Anyway, this'll go pretty far up on my stack.
Mane Six count (Don't mind me, I'm just curious as to how many times each of the Mane 6 appears):
Applejack: 5
Rainbow: 4
Pinkie: 3
Twilight: 2
Rarity: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Sunset: 1
Kinda feels like cheating, since they were all in it, but we finally have all 6 Mane 6.Plus Sunset. Only missing Glimmer now and we'll have all 8 Mane Six.
You know, I'm so used to my initial slate being full of stories I don't like, i'm not sure how to handle my first slate being full of stories I -do- like.
Who are all you people, and what did you do with the actual Write Off?
Erm, sorry. Let's actually get to the review.
So, I actually really liked this (duh). But then, I've kind of always been on Pinkie's side of this particular argument. Funerals do not need to be gloomy. And if the deceased in question actually asks for it not to be... well, what better way to respect them than to follow their last request, hrm?
This is not to say that you shouldn't mourn. Far from it. And if you feel that this particular atmosphere doesn't work for you, well, that's okay too. But I think Pinkie's basically always had a valid stance.
Anyway, back to the story. So I'm not sure you actually needed to have everyone have a line here. I don't think it hurt either, mind, but it kinda feels like padding. Just have the ponies who needed to say something, say something. It's perfectly okay for characters to be present but silent.
Also, ungh, AJ's line. I'm not quite sure she wouldn't say it, but I really, really disagree with it. Bleh.
On a final note... The last sentence is perfect.
Verdict: Very solid.
Applejack: 5
Rainbow: 4
Pinkie: 3
Twilight: 2
Rarity: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Sunset: 1
Kinda feels like cheating, since they were all in it, but we finally have all 6 Mane 6.Plus Sunset. Only missing Glimmer now and we'll have all 8 Mane Six.
You know, I'm so used to my initial slate being full of stories I don't like, i'm not sure how to handle my first slate being full of stories I -do- like.
Who are all you people, and what did you do with the actual Write Off?
Erm, sorry. Let's actually get to the review.
So, I actually really liked this (duh). But then, I've kind of always been on Pinkie's side of this particular argument. Funerals do not need to be gloomy. And if the deceased in question actually asks for it not to be... well, what better way to respect them than to follow their last request, hrm?
This is not to say that you shouldn't mourn. Far from it. And if you feel that this particular atmosphere doesn't work for you, well, that's okay too. But I think Pinkie's basically always had a valid stance.
Anyway, back to the story. So I'm not sure you actually needed to have everyone have a line here. I don't think it hurt either, mind, but it kinda feels like padding. Just have the ponies who needed to say something, say something. It's perfectly okay for characters to be present but silent.
Also, ungh, AJ's line. I'm not quite sure she wouldn't say it, but I really, really disagree with it. Bleh.
On a final note... The last sentence is perfect.
Verdict: Very solid.
Well. That’s my fifth story and I’m wondering if I don’t begin to really drift away from the show and become out-of-touch.
I feel I’ve already read that before. I wouldn’t say the concept is stale, but I’m really convinced I already stumbled on the same story or so. I’m not accusing you of cribbing, but it’s just to explain why I was let down whereas others might find the story fine.
There are some little bumps, like this sentence which dangles and is not attributed to anypony. And some ‘saidisms’: stated confidently. Why confidently? Fluttershy offered quietly. Same thing. Sounds weird.
I have not much to say on the story itself. Fairly linear and unsurprising, at least to me. Not bad, but lacks spice. Just a bonus for the pun in the title, which I suppose not many will get.
I feel I’ve already read that before. I wouldn’t say the concept is stale, but I’m really convinced I already stumbled on the same story or so. I’m not accusing you of cribbing, but it’s just to explain why I was let down whereas others might find the story fine.
There are some little bumps, like this sentence which dangles and is not attributed to anypony. And some ‘saidisms’: stated confidently. Why confidently? Fluttershy offered quietly. Same thing. Sounds weird.
I have not much to say on the story itself. Fairly linear and unsurprising, at least to me. Not bad, but lacks spice. Just a bonus for the pun in the title, which I suppose not many will get.
I've had this talk with my friends, and the disagreement we had was centered about the kind of drinks that should be served, so morally I'm completely on Pinkie's side here.
Rainbow's attempt at a joke was awful, which is perfectly fine. Applejack's reaction on the other hand felt a bit off.
All in all a nice story.
Rainbow's attempt at a joke was awful, which is perfectly fine. Applejack's reaction on the other hand felt a bit off.
All in all a nice story.
This kind of story.... it's an explanation, rather than an experience. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty good within the bounds of "let Pinkie explain her philosophy." I especially liked the line about Rarity's funeral, that was a pretty good argument. But I find this type of explanation story to be very safe and limited (as I've learned myself through trial and error). It doesn't have the potential of immersing the reader in an experience to deliver the same message.
I apologize that my critique here is kinda sounding like "write completely different." but as a really simple example.... instead of characters talking about the hypothetical funeral, what if you wrote about the funeral itself happening? the latter would be much riskier, but it just might stick around in the memory longer.
I apologize that my critique here is kinda sounding like "write completely different." but as a really simple example.... instead of characters talking about the hypothetical funeral, what if you wrote about the funeral itself happening? the latter would be much riskier, but it just might stick around in the memory longer.
This feels rather thin; it has one idea it tries to present and defend, but the idea is so obvious—at least, it was to me—that most of the story feels superfluous. Really, I take more issue with the idea of Pinkie planning her own parties. Given that she forgot her own birthday, she seems to be a blind spot in her own planning. That may be a matter of clashing headcanon, but it still feels off. In all, this just doesn’t feel like much.
This certainly isn't a novel idea, but it does a good job of presenting it's message, and it's fairly entertaining. This will probably stay near the top of my slate.
For the most part I haven't picked on specific phrasing in this Writeoff, but there's some clunkiness in this story that makes me want to. E.g.,
It's like a joke about their faces, and glaring, because faces. *twitch*
The last couple of lines also spoil what I felt could have been a more poignant conclusion. I had some early trepidation about dismissiveness toward Pinkie during the opening hayburger part, and for me her decision to get super-kooky again at the end seemed similarly dismissive.
But with all that said, I like this. I feel it's an emotionally satisfying treatment of a tough topic, and it largely feels consistent with the tone of the characters and show. Even its depiction of Pinkie feels about right through the middle. It's the kind of story that I'm inclined to pick on because I think it has a lot of strength and merit and I think it could easily become even stronger with some tweaking.
Keep it up, author.
in the face of their glares
It's like a joke about their faces, and glaring, because faces. *twitch*
The last couple of lines also spoil what I felt could have been a more poignant conclusion. I had some early trepidation about dismissiveness toward Pinkie during the opening hayburger part, and for me her decision to get super-kooky again at the end seemed similarly dismissive.
But with all that said, I like this. I feel it's an emotionally satisfying treatment of a tough topic, and it largely feels consistent with the tone of the characters and show. Even its depiction of Pinkie feels about right through the middle. It's the kind of story that I'm inclined to pick on because I think it has a lot of strength and merit and I think it could easily become even stronger with some tweaking.
Keep it up, author.
This is a cute story, but not much happens in it. You can sum up the entire story in twenty words without losing anything. I think you could add more to this that would bring out the feels. Also, the ending isn't super-funny, so it comes off as Pinkie being annoying more than chuckle terrain.
Pinkie Pie talks about planning her own funeral.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this idea before – heck, my own family has had wakes where people told funny stories about the dead person – so, you know, this isn’t anything all that particularly new. And that sort of leaves me with…
Well, not much other than the idea here, really, as it didn’t really develop any tension or conflict. I think this would have been stronger as a discussion between Pinkie Pie and one or two other ponies, so it could have been a more focused argument.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this idea before – heck, my own family has had wakes where people told funny stories about the dead person – so, you know, this isn’t anything all that particularly new. And that sort of leaves me with…
Well, not much other than the idea here, really, as it didn’t really develop any tension or conflict. I think this would have been stronger as a discussion between Pinkie Pie and one or two other ponies, so it could have been a more focused argument.
Even before I submitted it, I wasn't as happy with Memento Merry as I was with my previous (and so far only other) story.
Some reviewers touched on the reason why; it has no purpose. It doesn't have any drama or action, there's not enough humor for it to really be a comedy, and it wasn't written as an examination of any thought provoking ideas. I just sat down, looked at the prompt for several hours, then gave up when I couldn't come up with any good story concepts. So I just took the best scrap of an idea I had come up with (Pinkie wanting her funeral to be a party) and wrote what I thought the Mane 6 would say. In that way I suppose it's more a writing exercise at getting into their heads than an actual story.
Other reviewers did find a purpose for it, as a thoughtful discussion of whether it's right for a funeral to be a party. This wasn't my intent, as I was more writing it as an examination of Pinkie's character than any greater message. But hey, death of the author and all that, and if some found it more thoughtful than I did than I'm not going to complain :).
Two more specific observations: First off, thank you to everyone who got the title! I wasn't sure anyone would catch it, but I laughed at it too much not to use it. Definitely the most obscure pun I've ever made.
Second, there are some writing flaws, and this story definitely could have done with second pass if I'd had the time for it. The whole intro needed revision, and I think I badly bungled Applejack's resistance to the idea. I didn't catch it until a reviewer mentioned it, but her "disrespectful" line reads like she's angry at Pinkie for suggesting such a thing; it was more intended as just being resistant to the idea of celebrating someone's death, which seemed fitting for her character (being both the most traditional and an orphan.) Were I to rewrite this story I'd definitely change it to clarify that she's not angry, just troubled.
Some reviewers touched on the reason why; it has no purpose. It doesn't have any drama or action, there's not enough humor for it to really be a comedy, and it wasn't written as an examination of any thought provoking ideas. I just sat down, looked at the prompt for several hours, then gave up when I couldn't come up with any good story concepts. So I just took the best scrap of an idea I had come up with (Pinkie wanting her funeral to be a party) and wrote what I thought the Mane 6 would say. In that way I suppose it's more a writing exercise at getting into their heads than an actual story.
Other reviewers did find a purpose for it, as a thoughtful discussion of whether it's right for a funeral to be a party. This wasn't my intent, as I was more writing it as an examination of Pinkie's character than any greater message. But hey, death of the author and all that, and if some found it more thoughtful than I did than I'm not going to complain :).
Two more specific observations: First off, thank you to everyone who got the title! I wasn't sure anyone would catch it, but I laughed at it too much not to use it. Definitely the most obscure pun I've ever made.
Second, there are some writing flaws, and this story definitely could have done with second pass if I'd had the time for it. The whole intro needed revision, and I think I badly bungled Applejack's resistance to the idea. I didn't catch it until a reviewer mentioned it, but her "disrespectful" line reads like she's angry at Pinkie for suggesting such a thing; it was more intended as just being resistant to the idea of celebrating someone's death, which seemed fitting for her character (being both the most traditional and an orphan.) Were I to rewrite this story I'd definitely change it to clarify that she's not angry, just troubled.