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Prince Cadance
"Your turn," said Cadance, trying to hold back more laughter.
Shining put a hoof to his chin and thought of a secret. Then he said, "I've... hmm. Remember that algebra class in the first year?"
"Pffft," she muttered. "Barely." She had hardly even noticed the question.
"I might've cheated on one of the tests," said Shining sheepishly.
This got a single sudden burst of laughter out of Cadance. "Oh really."
"It was really frustrating!" cried Shining. "I was never exactly a pro at math, but that one was ridiculous!"
"Okay, okay," said Cadance. "If you say so. Always took you for more of a history student." She planted a loving kiss on his neck. "My turn?"
Shining's ears perked up. "Aw yeah! This'll be another juicy one."
"I kissed another filly once," she nearly whispered, teasingly. "Quite a few years ago, before we met."
Shining blushed as if on command. "D-did you like it?" he asked.
"Not really," said Cadance in a matter-of-fact way. "She was nice, but I didn't really get anything out of it. It was really weird, because I thought it'd be like kissing a colt, but it just wasn't the same."
Shining squirmed just a little bit, then said, "I guess it's my turn now."
"Yep," said Cadance.
"Um..." Shining hesitated, and Cadance saw his blush deepen. "I've never kissed a colt before."
A few seconds passed in silence, and all Cadance could think was, Wait, that's it?
"That's not much of a secret," she said dismissively. "Most colts I know have never kissed other colts."
"N-no," said Shining. "What I mean to say is that I've wanted to kiss a colt, but... uh... I never could."
Now hold on just a second...
Cadance raised an eyebrow and said, "So let me get this straight. We've been dating since pretty much the start of high school—"
"Almost three years, y-yeah," Shining muttered.
"And in all that time, you never thought to tell me you were also into colt-cuddling?" Cadance, if she was being honest with herself, felt a lot more perplexed than annoyed.
"H-hey, that's not fair," Shining retorted. "I've never done any colt-cuddling myself."
Cadance's nose scrunched up. "But you want to."
"Only occasionally," said Shining. "Usually I'm more than happy to be with you!" He sounded sincere, if also defensive about it. "It's like an itch, you know. A mild one, but still."
All Cadance could do in that moment was sigh.
Being with Shining became considerably more awkward after that point.
For several days, Cadance wandered around her personal library, thinking over how she could've treated her boyfriend better under the circumstances. "Ugh," she griped. "I might've given him the wrong impression."
Yeah, duh, she thought to herself, or rather against herself.
"It's not that I mind the fact that he's attracted to colts. I know he still loves me," she said with confidence. "Oh yeah, I can feel that he loves me."
You'd think the Princess of Love would be okay with ponies who swing both ways.
"I am okay with that!" she protested. "I just don't like the fact that he never thought to make it known to me. It's like he was hiding a part of himself from me or something."
You don't like it when it's a colt who likes another colt.
"No," she said firmly. "I want to make him feel better. He never got to kiss a colt. He doesn't know what it feels like—how it feels different. I mean, I know what it's like to kiss a colt, but I'm a filly, so it's not the same."
Would you let him experiment? Maybe open up the relationship?
Cadance chuckled. "Please." But then a moment passed, and an idea popped into her head. "Unless... I could make it work in some other way. To let him have that experience, but without having him be with somepony who isn't me." She thought about all the spells she knew, and more importantly all the spells she didn't know. Anything was possible with magic, so there had to be some kind of solution.
Good thing I'm a genius, she thought with a grin.
Cadance had to resist the urge to clear his throat as he knocked on Shining's door. The things I do for love, he thought. Ever since the spell took effect he thought he had come down with an abnormally bad cold with how he sounded; it was indeed strange, sporting a baritone now.
"Uh, Shiny?" he said hesitantly. "It's Cadance." He coughed again.
Shining opened the door, and immediately his face distorted in semi-disbelief. "Um..." He looked up and down Cadance's form with heavy skepticism. "Is this a joke? Am I being pranked right now?"
This was a mistake, Cadance thought, his heart sinking.
"No, Shiny, it's me," said Cadance. "Can I please come in?"
After an agonizing moment, Shining let his—boyfriend?—inside, and it occurred to Cadance that he was a good deal taller than Shining now. Whereas previously the two had met at about eye level, one side now clearly dominated the other.
Cadance sensed his boyfriend eyeing him intensely, as if waiting for him to make a wrong move. He then said, "Ever since you said you never got to kiss another colt, I considered a few things..."
"So it is you," said Shining, slightly baffled. "Wait, what the heck did you do to yourself?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Cadance examined his own muscled shoulders and forelegs. "I'm a colt now. For about ninety minutes, according to what the spell book said."
Shining's cheeks rushed with blood, and suddenly his demeanor changed. "How does it... um... feel to be like that? Does it feel any different?"
"Really different," admitted Cadance. "This is uncharted territory for me, and let me tell you, it feels so weird. But not in a bad way. I'm still me, after all." Without thinking, Cadance leaned in and gave Shining a brief peck on the lips, which normally wouldn't have meant much—except...
Shining stood in place, as if frozen, for a few seconds.
Cadance realized what he did and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought that I'd make your first colt-on-colt kiss special, and... I think I just blew it." Not even sure if that kiss felt good, he thought bitterly.
But then Shining composed himself and said, "You can do that again. B-but... not as quick."
"Okay." Feeling his heart speed up, Cadance pressed his lips against Shining's, with more care this time. At first he worried Shining wouldn't reciprocate, but then he felt the tip of Shining's tongue gently push apart his lips. The air in the room grew quite humid, and Cadance's heart sped up even more as his tongue started intertwining with his boyfriend's, their heated breaths intermingling. Cadance started feeling a sensation he had literally never felt before—an immense heat in his loins that made him want to take Shining.
And he would. He could smell the pungent scent of his own sweat, and he loved it.
At some point during their kisses, Shining said quietly, "W-we can keep going." He practically melted in Cadance's hooves, more submissive now than he had ever been in their relationship up to this point.
Cadance said nothing in return, instead taking command and guiding Shining to his bedroom, where the two colts would explore each other's bodies.
Much later, after all was said and done, Cadance would think to herself, Wait... do I like being a stallion?
Shining put a hoof to his chin and thought of a secret. Then he said, "I've... hmm. Remember that algebra class in the first year?"
"Pffft," she muttered. "Barely." She had hardly even noticed the question.
"I might've cheated on one of the tests," said Shining sheepishly.
This got a single sudden burst of laughter out of Cadance. "Oh really."
"It was really frustrating!" cried Shining. "I was never exactly a pro at math, but that one was ridiculous!"
"Okay, okay," said Cadance. "If you say so. Always took you for more of a history student." She planted a loving kiss on his neck. "My turn?"
Shining's ears perked up. "Aw yeah! This'll be another juicy one."
"I kissed another filly once," she nearly whispered, teasingly. "Quite a few years ago, before we met."
Shining blushed as if on command. "D-did you like it?" he asked.
"Not really," said Cadance in a matter-of-fact way. "She was nice, but I didn't really get anything out of it. It was really weird, because I thought it'd be like kissing a colt, but it just wasn't the same."
Shining squirmed just a little bit, then said, "I guess it's my turn now."
"Yep," said Cadance.
"Um..." Shining hesitated, and Cadance saw his blush deepen. "I've never kissed a colt before."
A few seconds passed in silence, and all Cadance could think was, Wait, that's it?
"That's not much of a secret," she said dismissively. "Most colts I know have never kissed other colts."
"N-no," said Shining. "What I mean to say is that I've wanted to kiss a colt, but... uh... I never could."
Now hold on just a second...
Cadance raised an eyebrow and said, "So let me get this straight. We've been dating since pretty much the start of high school—"
"Almost three years, y-yeah," Shining muttered.
"And in all that time, you never thought to tell me you were also into colt-cuddling?" Cadance, if she was being honest with herself, felt a lot more perplexed than annoyed.
"H-hey, that's not fair," Shining retorted. "I've never done any colt-cuddling myself."
Cadance's nose scrunched up. "But you want to."
"Only occasionally," said Shining. "Usually I'm more than happy to be with you!" He sounded sincere, if also defensive about it. "It's like an itch, you know. A mild one, but still."
All Cadance could do in that moment was sigh.
Being with Shining became considerably more awkward after that point.
For several days, Cadance wandered around her personal library, thinking over how she could've treated her boyfriend better under the circumstances. "Ugh," she griped. "I might've given him the wrong impression."
Yeah, duh, she thought to herself, or rather against herself.
"It's not that I mind the fact that he's attracted to colts. I know he still loves me," she said with confidence. "Oh yeah, I can feel that he loves me."
You'd think the Princess of Love would be okay with ponies who swing both ways.
"I am okay with that!" she protested. "I just don't like the fact that he never thought to make it known to me. It's like he was hiding a part of himself from me or something."
You don't like it when it's a colt who likes another colt.
"No," she said firmly. "I want to make him feel better. He never got to kiss a colt. He doesn't know what it feels like—how it feels different. I mean, I know what it's like to kiss a colt, but I'm a filly, so it's not the same."
Would you let him experiment? Maybe open up the relationship?
Cadance chuckled. "Please." But then a moment passed, and an idea popped into her head. "Unless... I could make it work in some other way. To let him have that experience, but without having him be with somepony who isn't me." She thought about all the spells she knew, and more importantly all the spells she didn't know. Anything was possible with magic, so there had to be some kind of solution.
Good thing I'm a genius, she thought with a grin.
Cadance had to resist the urge to clear his throat as he knocked on Shining's door. The things I do for love, he thought. Ever since the spell took effect he thought he had come down with an abnormally bad cold with how he sounded; it was indeed strange, sporting a baritone now.
"Uh, Shiny?" he said hesitantly. "It's Cadance." He coughed again.
Shining opened the door, and immediately his face distorted in semi-disbelief. "Um..." He looked up and down Cadance's form with heavy skepticism. "Is this a joke? Am I being pranked right now?"
This was a mistake, Cadance thought, his heart sinking.
"No, Shiny, it's me," said Cadance. "Can I please come in?"
After an agonizing moment, Shining let his—boyfriend?—inside, and it occurred to Cadance that he was a good deal taller than Shining now. Whereas previously the two had met at about eye level, one side now clearly dominated the other.
Cadance sensed his boyfriend eyeing him intensely, as if waiting for him to make a wrong move. He then said, "Ever since you said you never got to kiss another colt, I considered a few things..."
"So it is you," said Shining, slightly baffled. "Wait, what the heck did you do to yourself?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Cadance examined his own muscled shoulders and forelegs. "I'm a colt now. For about ninety minutes, according to what the spell book said."
Shining's cheeks rushed with blood, and suddenly his demeanor changed. "How does it... um... feel to be like that? Does it feel any different?"
"Really different," admitted Cadance. "This is uncharted territory for me, and let me tell you, it feels so weird. But not in a bad way. I'm still me, after all." Without thinking, Cadance leaned in and gave Shining a brief peck on the lips, which normally wouldn't have meant much—except...
Shining stood in place, as if frozen, for a few seconds.
Cadance realized what he did and said, "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought that I'd make your first colt-on-colt kiss special, and... I think I just blew it." Not even sure if that kiss felt good, he thought bitterly.
But then Shining composed himself and said, "You can do that again. B-but... not as quick."
"Okay." Feeling his heart speed up, Cadance pressed his lips against Shining's, with more care this time. At first he worried Shining wouldn't reciprocate, but then he felt the tip of Shining's tongue gently push apart his lips. The air in the room grew quite humid, and Cadance's heart sped up even more as his tongue started intertwining with his boyfriend's, their heated breaths intermingling. Cadance started feeling a sensation he had literally never felt before—an immense heat in his loins that made him want to take Shining.
And he would. He could smell the pungent scent of his own sweat, and he loved it.
At some point during their kisses, Shining said quietly, "W-we can keep going." He practically melted in Cadance's hooves, more submissive now than he had ever been in their relationship up to this point.
Cadance said nothing in return, instead taking command and guiding Shining to his bedroom, where the two colts would explore each other's bodies.
Much later, after all was said and done, Cadance would think to herself, Wait... do I like being a stallion?
Pics
All horse words are gay, but some are gayer than others.
Something I liked:
A classic gender-bender, but not of the usual kind of bending. M/M... we don't see those around here, lemme tell ya. It's like a fucking curse; you do M/M and you get blacklisted. I guess this means I'll have to bottom-slate this entry, which is a shame, because it's kind of a gnarly character piece? Not on Shining, fuck no, on Cadance. This is one of the more "different" Cadance stories I've seen (she's a low-key narcissist here, which is funny to me), and the result is bizarre but also entertaining. The very last curveball at the end is the cherry on top.
Something I didn't like:
The pacing's fucking whack, dawg. Okay, that might be hyperbolic. Only the last third really hits me as whack in how it's paced, because things happen too fast. We go from Cadance revealing to Shining that she is now a he, which is crazy, but then Shining gets over it in like a minute, and before you know it... well... It's one of those things where if you really want to make it work, you need to spend a lot of time with it, and this entry starts to clash with the word ceiling in that last big scene.
Verdict: Flawed, but audacious. Kind of sexy, actually. Cadance's characterization is what sticks with me most.
Something I liked:
A classic gender-bender, but not of the usual kind of bending. M/M... we don't see those around here, lemme tell ya. It's like a fucking curse; you do M/M and you get blacklisted. I guess this means I'll have to bottom-slate this entry, which is a shame, because it's kind of a gnarly character piece? Not on Shining, fuck no, on Cadance. This is one of the more "different" Cadance stories I've seen (she's a low-key narcissist here, which is funny to me), and the result is bizarre but also entertaining. The very last curveball at the end is the cherry on top.
Something I didn't like:
The pacing's fucking whack, dawg. Okay, that might be hyperbolic. Only the last third really hits me as whack in how it's paced, because things happen too fast. We go from Cadance revealing to Shining that she is now a he, which is crazy, but then Shining gets over it in like a minute, and before you know it... well... It's one of those things where if you really want to make it work, you need to spend a lot of time with it, and this entry starts to clash with the word ceiling in that last big scene.
Verdict: Flawed, but audacious. Kind of sexy, actually. Cadance's characterization is what sticks with me most.
Part of me wanted a small scene where we see Cadance desperately trying to pray the gay away. Missed opportunity, I'll say that much.
Jokes aside, I do like how upfront this story is with its... subject matter? I guess we could call it that, sure. It's certainly better than having a story that delves into such matters yet conveniently omits anything remotely dirty, which most of the time comes across as emotionally dishonest. Quite contrarily, this story knows what it wants and was gunning for it right from the get-go, and though it may seem as a cardinal sin to any male-on-male hater on FimFic—of which I'm pretty sure there are none, and if they declare otherwise, the best way to not alert them of your presence is to walk backward slowly and leave them alone to grumble in their closet—I personally liked how unforgiving it was with approaching the topic. Less beating around the bush, more taking the bull by the horns. I like that.
Looking at the story proper, the lighthearted and straightforward approach to the narrative coupled with the simplicity of the prose helped build upon the whimsical and awkward yet unbearably sappy feelings between both Shining and Cadance for me, so kudos. I do think, however, that the second scene where Cadance is alone to parse her thoughts does need a bit more work. As much as I liked her thoughts on the matter, I think it does kinda interfere with the overall pacing and focus of this story a little. In fact, I actually believe that if you left out that section, it kinda hits home the awkwardness and sappiness a lot more. With those extra words, I think you could definitely use them to expand upon the final scene, which I too concur with Raisin that it breezes by a bit too quickly for me to really appreciate.
So yes, liked this a fair bit! Would like to see a bit more of this. Just a little~ bit more. Really don't want to see this taken a bit too far; I think there's a virtue in having restraint when it comes to expanding it, but that's just, like, my opinion, man.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Jokes aside, I do like how upfront this story is with its... subject matter? I guess we could call it that, sure. It's certainly better than having a story that delves into such matters yet conveniently omits anything remotely dirty, which most of the time comes across as emotionally dishonest. Quite contrarily, this story knows what it wants and was gunning for it right from the get-go, and though it may seem as a cardinal sin to any male-on-male hater on FimFic—of which I'm pretty sure there are none, and if they declare otherwise, the best way to not alert them of your presence is to walk backward slowly and leave them alone to grumble in their closet—I personally liked how unforgiving it was with approaching the topic. Less beating around the bush, more taking the bull by the horns. I like that.
Looking at the story proper, the lighthearted and straightforward approach to the narrative coupled with the simplicity of the prose helped build upon the whimsical and awkward yet unbearably sappy feelings between both Shining and Cadance for me, so kudos. I do think, however, that the second scene where Cadance is alone to parse her thoughts does need a bit more work. As much as I liked her thoughts on the matter, I think it does kinda interfere with the overall pacing and focus of this story a little. In fact, I actually believe that if you left out that section, it kinda hits home the awkwardness and sappiness a lot more. With those extra words, I think you could definitely use them to expand upon the final scene, which I too concur with Raisin that it breezes by a bit too quickly for me to really appreciate.
So yes, liked this a fair bit! Would like to see a bit more of this. Just a little~ bit more. Really don't want to see this taken a bit too far; I think there's a virtue in having restraint when it comes to expanding it, but that's just, like, my opinion, man.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
Gendre: Bendre
Thoughts: Well I’ll be darned. That kinda works, doesn’t it?
I thought that Cadance’s characterization was done well here. it’s nice to see her with some depths beyond just what the show provides, while still keeping her consistent and recognizable. Shining’s characterization was more unexpected, and not just for the obvious reason; I get it that you’re going for emotional vulnerability with him, but right now (for example) the stuttering might be a bit overdone. It just doesn’t always feel like Shining to me.
Overall though, I think this does a solid job of focusing in on these two characters opening up with one another about themselves and their relationship. I can see the argument that giving this more length would help it develop at a more even pace, but I think it comes down to the question of what the story’s goals are. IMO, for a story that’s more about answering the question of how Cadance would react to Shining in a situation like this, I think you’re pretty much already there.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: Well I’ll be darned. That kinda works, doesn’t it?
I thought that Cadance’s characterization was done well here. it’s nice to see her with some depths beyond just what the show provides, while still keeping her consistent and recognizable. Shining’s characterization was more unexpected, and not just for the obvious reason; I get it that you’re going for emotional vulnerability with him, but right now (for example) the stuttering might be a bit overdone. It just doesn’t always feel like Shining to me.
Overall though, I think this does a solid job of focusing in on these two characters opening up with one another about themselves and their relationship. I can see the argument that giving this more length would help it develop at a more even pace, but I think it comes down to the question of what the story’s goals are. IMO, for a story that’s more about answering the question of how Cadance would react to Shining in a situation like this, I think you’re pretty much already there.
Tier: Strong
Change my mind: this fic is what would happen if Disney attempted to adapt a clopfic
So from the very top, the intro is great. It's easy to quickly immerse myself in what's going on, and there's no awkwardness about getting straight to the subject matter. The dialogue was believable, and the characterization is distinct and memorable. I will say though that I do agree with Coffee that Shining is a bit, uh, submissive. As someone who doesn't read clop (or romance at all, really), this is probably what brought the story a little into murky waters for me, or dare I say it, uncharted territory :S
Was the premise of the story believable? Oh, absolutely, and even relatable. As someone who has an incredibly select group of people who I tell my deepest secrets to, I think it was a great way of immediately establishing a strong feeling of trust. Was the conflict believable? Yes, for the purposes of the story at least. Was Cadence's reaction to the conflict believable? Maybe. Totally agree with what Raisin mentioned about Cadence seeming like a low-key narcissist here, and I'm not sure if that works for me or not. Overall, agree that the scene where she's thinking to herself could use some work. I feel like it was a tad hasty and maybe could've been communicated better through different means, since I understand writing single-character scenes can be tricky.
And then the third scene hits, bam. I personally didn't have trouble figuring out what had happened, since the title did a pretty good job of dropping the hint. Like the others, though, I think this scene could have used a lot more expansion. The pace of the story goes from relatively slow to fast, and I would've appreciated more of a buildup. IMO, Shining needed a lot more time to process what was going on. Maybe some of this came down to Cadence not giving him any prior warning to this, and also her feeling both incredibly confident ("I'm a genius") and insecure ("this was a mistake") with not much in-between. After all that, though, is where I got the Disney clopfic feel from. The tension dissolves very quickly, and both characters have their happily-ever-after. Again, I am clueless about romance, so I'm gonna assume that this is just a matter of personal taste.
Anyways, I suspect that with a longer wordcount and another editing pass, this story could do incredibly well with Fimfic's general audience, perhaps even the best out of any entry here. It was a fun read as a whole; just needs some cleaning up. Thanks for the entry, anon!
So from the very top, the intro is great. It's easy to quickly immerse myself in what's going on, and there's no awkwardness about getting straight to the subject matter. The dialogue was believable, and the characterization is distinct and memorable. I will say though that I do agree with Coffee that Shining is a bit, uh, submissive. As someone who doesn't read clop (or romance at all, really), this is probably what brought the story a little into murky waters for me, or dare I say it, uncharted territory :S
Was the premise of the story believable? Oh, absolutely, and even relatable. As someone who has an incredibly select group of people who I tell my deepest secrets to, I think it was a great way of immediately establishing a strong feeling of trust. Was the conflict believable? Yes, for the purposes of the story at least. Was Cadence's reaction to the conflict believable? Maybe. Totally agree with what Raisin mentioned about Cadence seeming like a low-key narcissist here, and I'm not sure if that works for me or not. Overall, agree that the scene where she's thinking to herself could use some work. I feel like it was a tad hasty and maybe could've been communicated better through different means, since I understand writing single-character scenes can be tricky.
And then the third scene hits, bam. I personally didn't have trouble figuring out what had happened, since the title did a pretty good job of dropping the hint. Like the others, though, I think this scene could have used a lot more expansion. The pace of the story goes from relatively slow to fast, and I would've appreciated more of a buildup. IMO, Shining needed a lot more time to process what was going on. Maybe some of this came down to Cadence not giving him any prior warning to this, and also her feeling both incredibly confident ("I'm a genius") and insecure ("this was a mistake") with not much in-between. After all that, though, is where I got the Disney clopfic feel from. The tension dissolves very quickly, and both characters have their happily-ever-after. Again, I am clueless about romance, so I'm gonna assume that this is just a matter of personal taste.
Anyways, I suspect that with a longer wordcount and another editing pass, this story could do incredibly well with Fimfic's general audience, perhaps even the best out of any entry here. It was a fun read as a whole; just needs some cleaning up. Thanks for the entry, anon!
>>_Moonshot
Cadance would sing a song during that reflective part if it was Disney.
Also, they'd have talking crabs or something.
Cadance would sing a song during that reflective part if it was Disney.
Also, they'd have talking crabs or something.
I think this fic has a lot of strong things going for it. There's a good introduction with teen aged Cadance and Shining Armor that feels very natural and pretty cutesy. Cadance gets flustered by a reveal, and then after stewing it over (in what I feel is very natural: that her initial reaction likely made Shining feel bad about opening up, and then looking for a way to resolve things), does what only a powerful alicorn could manage to do, probably. Then there's some fairly awkward but appropriately teenage-like colt on colt action. I do think that Shining maybe needs a bit more trepidation about the affair, possibly? I mean, the two are awkward teenagers in a relationship, so it works, I feel, and nothing really came off all that red-flaggy about the interaction.
Overall, I enjoyed it, but, yeah, this could get a looooot more steamy, if wanted.
Overall, I enjoyed it, but, yeah, this could get a looooot more steamy, if wanted.