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>>WillowWren
>>Bachiavellian
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rao
>>KwirkyJ
>>No_Raisin
>>CoffeeMinion
>>GrandMoffPony
>>Trick_Question
More late replies to reviews!
So, after spending a lot of my time writing Gosship for this round, I had just the most random spot of inspiration. I think I was just reminiscing about my work week that involved a sudden surge of work on Friday afternoon, and working for an aerospace company, I decided to just write about some pony working at a company dealing with some product.
I'll admit the prose was probably dry, and without anyone to interact with or talk to, Lug Nut probably didn't come across the best. That said, I'm still really happy that some people got some enjoyment. Like Gosship, I think if this gets expanded, I'll consider a switch to first-person POV along with tightening up the language.
On a random tangent, the story didn't have the very last line at first, and just ended with Twilight using her electric toothbrush despite it's lack of a working motor, but part of me just felt it was comedic? I dunno, I think like >>GrandMoffPony said, it would help to have a stroke of inspiration come to the character and then run the punchline.
Also, I just randomly pulled Lug Nut's name to get to writing, but on later thought, I'd want to include a joke about it, considering his job was to keep things moving, like keeping a wheel in place. Just funny little coincidence.
>>Bachiavellian
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rao
>>KwirkyJ
>>No_Raisin
>>CoffeeMinion
>>GrandMoffPony
>>Trick_Question
More late replies to reviews!
So, after spending a lot of my time writing Gosship for this round, I had just the most random spot of inspiration. I think I was just reminiscing about my work week that involved a sudden surge of work on Friday afternoon, and working for an aerospace company, I decided to just write about some pony working at a company dealing with some product.
I'll admit the prose was probably dry, and without anyone to interact with or talk to, Lug Nut probably didn't come across the best. That said, I'm still really happy that some people got some enjoyment. Like Gosship, I think if this gets expanded, I'll consider a switch to first-person POV along with tightening up the language.
On a random tangent, the story didn't have the very last line at first, and just ended with Twilight using her electric toothbrush despite it's lack of a working motor, but part of me just felt it was comedic? I dunno, I think like >>GrandMoffPony said, it would help to have a stroke of inspiration come to the character and then run the punchline.
Also, I just randomly pulled Lug Nut's name to get to writing, but on later thought, I'd want to include a joke about it, considering his job was to keep things moving, like keeping a wheel in place. Just funny little coincidence.
I really enjoyed this piece. I think the prose matches Luna's voice fairly well, and the horror that is explored with it is just up my alley. Just enough description, a good pace, and a good look at a potentially frightening aspect of dreams that lies beyond anyone's understanding, except for Luna and her next potential student. That said, I don't know if the horror of Lady Canary's downfall quite hits me as hard as the unnerving things like the Mýrarhryssur and the oddities of the Penumbra, though the line about her vanishing "piece by piece" is chilling to imagine.
>>Miller Minus
>>HiTime
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Bachiavellian
I appreciate all of the comments, folks. I feel, as with most of the stories I made in writeoffs past, that the time limit really hurt me here. I was struggling to even get to an ending that things ended up very rushed. In my head I had more ideas about Violet talking with Chitin or Thorax about what she'd written and how different from reality her "headcanon" of changelings is. It was kind of supposed to be more comedic when I came up with the idea, but I feel it changed halfway through.
I think, if I do decide to polish it up, that I'll definitely be addressing the conflict in the story. I wanted it to be more internal than external for Violet, as I was trying to allude to her having a fair amount of anxiety about a lot of things, and assuming the worst in situations.
Either way, I'm glad I finished writing it.
>>HiTime
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Bachiavellian
I appreciate all of the comments, folks. I feel, as with most of the stories I made in writeoffs past, that the time limit really hurt me here. I was struggling to even get to an ending that things ended up very rushed. In my head I had more ideas about Violet talking with Chitin or Thorax about what she'd written and how different from reality her "headcanon" of changelings is. It was kind of supposed to be more comedic when I came up with the idea, but I feel it changed halfway through.
I think, if I do decide to polish it up, that I'll definitely be addressing the conflict in the story. I wanted it to be more internal than external for Violet, as I was trying to allude to her having a fair amount of anxiety about a lot of things, and assuming the worst in situations.
Either way, I'm glad I finished writing it.
Amazing comedy that flows surprisingly well. Even if the joke doesn't land (and for me, I don't think a single one didn't) it's going straight into the next one, which is an important goal when you're trying to do a crackfic like this. I'll agree with Bachiavellian and say that this could definitely be expanded to add a few more jokes in the second and third scenes, and maybe even more scenes as well.
Pulling awfully hard at those heartstrings, but it feels a bit manipulative by not giving us room to relax from those emotional gutpunches, especially when you combine one tragedy with another. Consider spacing things out a bit more and adding some extra onto this and I could see the premise having a better execution than it currently does.
>>Posh
>>KwirkyJ
>>GrandMoffPony
Sorry it took me so long to get around to replying here. Just been busy with editing something else I suppose.
So, I saw the prompt and after a lot of time fussing over an idea, I just decided to try doing something cute and funny and a little meta. At first I was thinking two members of the Mane six discussing relationships between their friends, but then I realized it would probably be a bit easier to just do it from the outside with another group of friends, and I ended up settling on the flower trio. I was pretty surprised with how easily the actual writing came considering I've spent the majority of five years with my writing just doing non-prose work.
I have a really poor track record of not realizing the implications of some things that I write. One was listing a journal in a FiM fic as being "leather bound" and not thinking what that would mean in the world of talking animals until someone pointed it out very far down the line. I guess one here is that there's an actual seeming attempt by Daisy to get Lily and Rose together, or that the two are doing more than trading barbs as friends. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that Lily and Rose could have a thing for each other and they aren't saying it, it's just that I'm not sure I can really write that all too convincingly.
Still, I'll take it under advisement for if this ends up getting reworked into something post-able down the road, because I do think it'll add a bit more of a point to everything, and a bit more opportunity for comedy if Lily and Rose are projecting themselves into their ships and possibly letting things slip.
>>Baal Bunny
>>No_Raisin
>>Bachiavellian
>>Trick_Question
I'll have to keep the change in perspective in mind. I do think it's something that could strengthen the story a lot like you all said.
>>No_Raisin
The author keeps forgetting that you should just stick with italics for emphasis. I swear it's a case of me thinking too much about things, and I'll do my best to not forget going forward.
>>KwirkyJ
>>GrandMoffPony
Sorry it took me so long to get around to replying here. Just been busy with editing something else I suppose.
So, I saw the prompt and after a lot of time fussing over an idea, I just decided to try doing something cute and funny and a little meta. At first I was thinking two members of the Mane six discussing relationships between their friends, but then I realized it would probably be a bit easier to just do it from the outside with another group of friends, and I ended up settling on the flower trio. I was pretty surprised with how easily the actual writing came considering I've spent the majority of five years with my writing just doing non-prose work.
I have a really poor track record of not realizing the implications of some things that I write. One was listing a journal in a FiM fic as being "leather bound" and not thinking what that would mean in the world of talking animals until someone pointed it out very far down the line. I guess one here is that there's an actual seeming attempt by Daisy to get Lily and Rose together, or that the two are doing more than trading barbs as friends. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that Lily and Rose could have a thing for each other and they aren't saying it, it's just that I'm not sure I can really write that all too convincingly.
Still, I'll take it under advisement for if this ends up getting reworked into something post-able down the road, because I do think it'll add a bit more of a point to everything, and a bit more opportunity for comedy if Lily and Rose are projecting themselves into their ships and possibly letting things slip.
>>Baal Bunny
>>No_Raisin
>>Bachiavellian
>>Trick_Question
I'll have to keep the change in perspective in mind. I do think it's something that could strengthen the story a lot like you all said.
>>No_Raisin
The author keeps forgetting that you should just stick with italics for emphasis. I swear it's a case of me thinking too much about things, and I'll do my best to not forget going forward.
I enjoyed this piece greatly, and I think parts of it really struck a chord with me. I think we get a good look into Fleur's emotional state and her day-to-day sort of life in Canterlot and what she cares about. I do think this serves as a good start to a longer story that might further explore Fleur's melancholy and her dissatisfaction with her life, and perhaps see her outlook changed. However, as it stands, it still did a wonderful job of drawing me in and expresses some things that I feel about my own life.