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Lifestyle Gadgets
Brad scanned his microchipped hand on the lock of his apartment door and dragged himself inside.
A woman’s voice floated from the kitchen. “Rough day?”
“You wouldn’t believe it, Rosie. It was supposed to be my day with the kids, but Karen hired one of those robot nannies to shuffle them around instead. That stupid thing sidelined me all day.”
“I’m sorry, dear. Maybe you use that in your alimony proceedings somehow?”
“I dunno. Probably not. If it were a human nanny, maybe. But a robot...” He sat up. “Are you making dinner?”
A pale, thin face peeked through the kitchen doorway. “Grilled cheese and chili.” Brad sighed in delight. “And a salad. But I got the dressing you like.”
“You got the healthy version of the dressing I like.”
Rosie’s face disappeared, giggling. Brad loved that sound. It was perfectly charged and almost weightless, like electricity. “I’m obligated to keep you alive,” he heard her say. “C’mon. Let’s eat.”
Rosie had dressed differently than she normally did when it was just them at home. The usual shorts and t-shirt combo was replaced by a frilly yellow sundress.
“Why the geddup?” Brad asked as he set the table in the dining nook.
“I could tell you were having a bad day. I thought you’d like it.”
“No arguments here,” he said with a chuckle.
They ate their dinner in silence, something Brad appreciated. When a meal was truly good, he thought, there was no need to talk. All the affirmation and love he could ever get from a conversation was stewed right into the food.
Rosie liked chatting, but she understood his disposition. If his silence ever made her uncomfortable, she gave no indication. To his knowledge, nothing could make her uncomfortable.
When he finished his meal (salad and all) he cleared the dishes away, giving Rosie a squeeze on the shoulder as he passed her by. “Really good dinner, dear,” he said.
She perked up. “I’m glad you liked it. It’s a new recipe, actually. I’ll file it away for another time.”
Conversation between them came easier as they cleaned the dishes. Their four-handed assembly line worked in perfect unison. Brad soaked the dishes while Rosie dried them.
“So tell me what happened between you and that robot nanny,” Rosie asked.
Brad sighed. “It’s petty. The kids had a nice time, that’s all that matters.”
“But if you’re mad, it’ll only make you more mad to deny you’re mad in the first place.”
“I guess. The nanny kept stealing my thunder. I took the kids out to lunch, and the nanny got them all ice cream. I took ‘em to a park, and the nanny finds a balloon vendor and gets the kids balloons. I tried to have a talk with them about growing up, and she kept spitting out these stupid jokes--the kids couldn’t stop laughing. I was trying to be serious and they were laughing.”
Rosie considered his words for a moment. “Don’t take this confrontationally, but I think it was all in your head. You can’t buy a vindictiveness program, and Karen doesn’t strike me as smart enough to make one. Robots aren’t allowed to hurt humans, anyway.”
“Physically. What about emotionally?”
Rosie looked up, the dish in her hand forgotten. Her eyes zoomed out to some distant place. “I don’t know. Maybe if you hide it in something that’s good on the surface--like getting a child a balloon. Or if you have to choose between something that’s hurtful and something a little less hurtful.” She shook her head and resumed washing dishes. “But wouldn’t you choose the less hurtful thing, too?”
They finished cleaning the dishes in a far less-comfortable silence. After the work was done, Rosie followed Brad to their bedroom.
“I hope I didn’t upset you,” Rosie said. “You know I never want to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” Brad said. “I’m always upset when I have to deal with the old family.”
“But you still love them, don’t you?”
“The kids, yeah. Love ‘em to death. It’s everyone else I wish I could reprogram.”
They laughed quietly and moved closer. Their hands touched, and a spark of electric current ran up Brad’s arm.
Rosie met his gaze with wide eyes, her nose an inch from his. “Are we--”
“Not tonight,” Brad said, and kissed her. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Set alarm for seven thirty tomorrow morning.”
“Alarm set for seven thirty,” Rosie said, and closed her eyes.
A woman’s voice floated from the kitchen. “Rough day?”
“You wouldn’t believe it, Rosie. It was supposed to be my day with the kids, but Karen hired one of those robot nannies to shuffle them around instead. That stupid thing sidelined me all day.”
“I’m sorry, dear. Maybe you use that in your alimony proceedings somehow?”
“I dunno. Probably not. If it were a human nanny, maybe. But a robot...” He sat up. “Are you making dinner?”
A pale, thin face peeked through the kitchen doorway. “Grilled cheese and chili.” Brad sighed in delight. “And a salad. But I got the dressing you like.”
“You got the healthy version of the dressing I like.”
Rosie’s face disappeared, giggling. Brad loved that sound. It was perfectly charged and almost weightless, like electricity. “I’m obligated to keep you alive,” he heard her say. “C’mon. Let’s eat.”
Rosie had dressed differently than she normally did when it was just them at home. The usual shorts and t-shirt combo was replaced by a frilly yellow sundress.
“Why the geddup?” Brad asked as he set the table in the dining nook.
“I could tell you were having a bad day. I thought you’d like it.”
“No arguments here,” he said with a chuckle.
They ate their dinner in silence, something Brad appreciated. When a meal was truly good, he thought, there was no need to talk. All the affirmation and love he could ever get from a conversation was stewed right into the food.
Rosie liked chatting, but she understood his disposition. If his silence ever made her uncomfortable, she gave no indication. To his knowledge, nothing could make her uncomfortable.
When he finished his meal (salad and all) he cleared the dishes away, giving Rosie a squeeze on the shoulder as he passed her by. “Really good dinner, dear,” he said.
She perked up. “I’m glad you liked it. It’s a new recipe, actually. I’ll file it away for another time.”
Conversation between them came easier as they cleaned the dishes. Their four-handed assembly line worked in perfect unison. Brad soaked the dishes while Rosie dried them.
“So tell me what happened between you and that robot nanny,” Rosie asked.
Brad sighed. “It’s petty. The kids had a nice time, that’s all that matters.”
“But if you’re mad, it’ll only make you more mad to deny you’re mad in the first place.”
“I guess. The nanny kept stealing my thunder. I took the kids out to lunch, and the nanny got them all ice cream. I took ‘em to a park, and the nanny finds a balloon vendor and gets the kids balloons. I tried to have a talk with them about growing up, and she kept spitting out these stupid jokes--the kids couldn’t stop laughing. I was trying to be serious and they were laughing.”
Rosie considered his words for a moment. “Don’t take this confrontationally, but I think it was all in your head. You can’t buy a vindictiveness program, and Karen doesn’t strike me as smart enough to make one. Robots aren’t allowed to hurt humans, anyway.”
“Physically. What about emotionally?”
Rosie looked up, the dish in her hand forgotten. Her eyes zoomed out to some distant place. “I don’t know. Maybe if you hide it in something that’s good on the surface--like getting a child a balloon. Or if you have to choose between something that’s hurtful and something a little less hurtful.” She shook her head and resumed washing dishes. “But wouldn’t you choose the less hurtful thing, too?”
They finished cleaning the dishes in a far less-comfortable silence. After the work was done, Rosie followed Brad to their bedroom.
“I hope I didn’t upset you,” Rosie said. “You know I never want to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” Brad said. “I’m always upset when I have to deal with the old family.”
“But you still love them, don’t you?”
“The kids, yeah. Love ‘em to death. It’s everyone else I wish I could reprogram.”
They laughed quietly and moved closer. Their hands touched, and a spark of electric current ran up Brad’s arm.
Rosie met his gaze with wide eyes, her nose an inch from his. “Are we--”
“Not tonight,” Brad said, and kissed her. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Set alarm for seven thirty tomorrow morning.”
“Alarm set for seven thirty,” Rosie said, and closed her eyes.
Pics
Again:
All I have are tiny suggestions. Putting the tag "Brad sighed in delight." in the middle of Rosie's dialogue, for instance--it really ought to be in its own paragraph to keep the attributions straight. And after telling us how Brad considers their silence while eating to be comfortable, you then say, "Conversation between them came easier as they cleaned the dishes". But if he doesn't think their lack of conversation earlier was uneasy...
Like I said, tiny stuff. It's a nice piece.
Mike
All I have are tiny suggestions. Putting the tag "Brad sighed in delight." in the middle of Rosie's dialogue, for instance--it really ought to be in its own paragraph to keep the attributions straight. And after telling us how Brad considers their silence while eating to be comfortable, you then say, "Conversation between them came easier as they cleaned the dishes". But if he doesn't think their lack of conversation earlier was uneasy...
Like I said, tiny stuff. It's a nice piece.
Mike
Alternate Title: Her? More Like Hurrrrrrrr!
Something I liked:
This is cute. Like legitimately. Romance is really hard to justify in a mini-fic, since we get only a few hundred words to know these people, but almost immediately I came to understand Brad's situation and why he's now living this particular lifestyle. Besides, wanting to fuck robots is a sentiment I'm sure we can all relate to.
Something I didn't like:
As cute as it is, though, I do wish there was more conflict. Brad talks about his troubles with his ex-wife and trying to outclass a robot nanny, but since we don't see this ourselves it loses impact, not helped by the fact that it barely comes up again after the introductory paragraphs. There also seems to be a hint of conflict between Brad and Rose, but again, its impact is minimal, reduced to a few lines that are easy to miss.
Verdict: Sweet, but at the same time I don't have much to think about with this entry.
Something I liked:
This is cute. Like legitimately. Romance is really hard to justify in a mini-fic, since we get only a few hundred words to know these people, but almost immediately I came to understand Brad's situation and why he's now living this particular lifestyle. Besides, wanting to fuck robots is a sentiment I'm sure we can all relate to.
Something I didn't like:
As cute as it is, though, I do wish there was more conflict. Brad talks about his troubles with his ex-wife and trying to outclass a robot nanny, but since we don't see this ourselves it loses impact, not helped by the fact that it barely comes up again after the introductory paragraphs. There also seems to be a hint of conflict between Brad and Rose, but again, its impact is minimal, reduced to a few lines that are easy to miss.
Verdict: Sweet, but at the same time I don't have much to think about with this entry.
I liked this, but it was kind of weird for me. The point being made was a pretty obvious one, and the fact that Rosie is also a robot was telegraphed early on (plus I was prepared for that to be the case even before you hinted at it). It felt like the last half of the story wasn't really adding anything.
I do appreciate that Brad early on referred to the robot nanny as being clearly less important than a human, and of course he's saying all this to a robot too. Did you do that on purpose? Because it asks an interesting question, then goes nowhere with it. Rosie's demonstrated she can be thoughtful and introspective when she considers Brad's question of whether a robot could hurt a human, so I wonder what she thinks about that. The fact she doesn't react at all may be an answer in itself, but it's a pretty unsatisfying one.
I do like your characters, though, and it's no small feat to get a reader to care about them in such a short story.
I do appreciate that Brad early on referred to the robot nanny as being clearly less important than a human, and of course he's saying all this to a robot too. Did you do that on purpose? Because it asks an interesting question, then goes nowhere with it. Rosie's demonstrated she can be thoughtful and introspective when she considers Brad's question of whether a robot could hurt a human, so I wonder what she thinks about that. The fact she doesn't react at all may be an answer in itself, but it's a pretty unsatisfying one.
I do like your characters, though, and it's no small feat to get a reader to care about them in such a short story.
The moment this happened...
... I kinda' knew Rosie was actually a robot or at least an android. Fits the title of the piece horrifyingly well: that, ultimately, she's just a lifestyle gadget, made to make Brad's life easier. Or brainwashed/augmented to make Brad's life easier? Not sure.
Anyway, aside from that... I don't have much else to say about the story. It's great, but not super great. The descriptions and worldbuilding is on-point, but not much else. I could say that Brad was well-done and Rosie was too because of the succinct amount of inner looks to their mentalities and so on, but the ending or theme that it all reovlves around was something I saw from a mile away, so perhaps the impact was a bit dulled for me.
Overall, despite being foreshadowed a tad too much, this was a brilliant and dystopian take on having human robots and androids just treated as lifestyle gadgets in society. Quite insightful and impactful!
Rosie’s face disappeared, giggling. Brad loved that sound. It was perfectly charged and almost weightless, like electricity. “I’m obligated to keep you alive,” he heard her say. “C’mon. Let’s eat.”
... I kinda' knew Rosie was actually a robot or at least an android. Fits the title of the piece horrifyingly well: that, ultimately, she's just a lifestyle gadget, made to make Brad's life easier. Or brainwashed/augmented to make Brad's life easier? Not sure.
Anyway, aside from that... I don't have much else to say about the story. It's great, but not super great. The descriptions and worldbuilding is on-point, but not much else. I could say that Brad was well-done and Rosie was too because of the succinct amount of inner looks to their mentalities and so on, but the ending or theme that it all reovlves around was something I saw from a mile away, so perhaps the impact was a bit dulled for me.
Overall, despite being foreshadowed a tad too much, this was a brilliant and dystopian take on having human robots and androids just treated as lifestyle gadgets in society. Quite insightful and impactful!
Okay, I really liked the idea of this, with how it takes the spirit of Spike Jonze's Her and makes it super cute and also kinda creepy.
Now, I honestly don't have a lot of suggestions to make, outside of high-level, conceptual stuff that I usually don't really like to give (because it skirts into personal preference territory). But since that's all I've got, that's what you'll get. :P
I don't think this story really works that well as a twist piece, because on top of being a twist that we've all seen before, it'd also be a very difficult balancing act to make the twist feel foreshadowed without giving it away. As it is right now, it kind of feels obvious. But it can just as easily feel like it comes out of left field, if overcorrected.
So my suggestion is, to hell with the twist. Let the audience know from the beginning that Rosie is a robot, and then still make her relationship with Brad as cute as it is. The story's biggest strength already is how it juxtaposes Rosie's artificiality with the genuine-feeling nature of her relationship with Brad, so I think you should really just go overt with the whole deal. That way, you can sprinkle in even more moments of Brad interrupting Rosie's cuteness with Alexa-commands, highlighting the contrast between the two sides of their relationship.
(As an aside, if you've seen the movie, Ex Machina, there's a moment where the film's Steve Jobs analogue says that the next step of the Turing Test is for a human to know that they are talking to a robot, but for them to end up thinking of them as human anyway. That's kind of what I think this piece should go for, with how the audience relates to Rosie.)
Yeah, so that's all I've got. I loved this piece, and my only suggestion to improve it would be to crank up the juice on what it's already doing right. Thanks for submitting!
Now, I honestly don't have a lot of suggestions to make, outside of high-level, conceptual stuff that I usually don't really like to give (because it skirts into personal preference territory). But since that's all I've got, that's what you'll get. :P
I don't think this story really works that well as a twist piece, because on top of being a twist that we've all seen before, it'd also be a very difficult balancing act to make the twist feel foreshadowed without giving it away. As it is right now, it kind of feels obvious. But it can just as easily feel like it comes out of left field, if overcorrected.
So my suggestion is, to hell with the twist. Let the audience know from the beginning that Rosie is a robot, and then still make her relationship with Brad as cute as it is. The story's biggest strength already is how it juxtaposes Rosie's artificiality with the genuine-feeling nature of her relationship with Brad, so I think you should really just go overt with the whole deal. That way, you can sprinkle in even more moments of Brad interrupting Rosie's cuteness with Alexa-commands, highlighting the contrast between the two sides of their relationship.
(As an aside, if you've seen the movie, Ex Machina, there's a moment where the film's Steve Jobs analogue says that the next step of the Turing Test is for a human to know that they are talking to a robot, but for them to end up thinking of them as human anyway. That's kind of what I think this piece should go for, with how the audience relates to Rosie.)
Yeah, so that's all I've got. I loved this piece, and my only suggestion to improve it would be to crank up the juice on what it's already doing right. Thanks for submitting!
I've said this for many other stories, but I wish this could be developed more. There is a lot of plot points here, but you barely have touched the surface.
The story isn't bad (I liked it actually), but I think this is a bad minific. You have a lot to work with, but this format doesn't work with it.
I look forward to seeing what you write next.
The story isn't bad (I liked it actually), but I think this is a bad minific. You have a lot to work with, but this format doesn't work with it.
I look forward to seeing what you write next.
This story here’s unquestionably my favourite of all the entries this round, what with a concept that fits snugly in the minuscule word count and its execution hitting a lot more than it misses in every aspect.
I really, really like the dynamics at play between Brad and Rosie here. The dialogue skitters through enough highs and lows to keep it interesting, yet not so much so that it becomes ridiculously outlandish. All this, plus the acutely-worded descriptions in between, immediately highlights their personalities without need for exposition, which is no mean feat.
Personally, I didn’t really consider that the whole idea of Rosie being a robot was being foreshadowed. In fact, I was quite surprised that it was even considered to be foreshadowing in the first place. The ‘reveal’ just came off to me as an exercise in evening out the pacing so that the story breathes naturally instead of it being a twist to catch.
I do have some pointers for this story, namely some sections where you could omit the descriptions as they don’t really contribute much to the story proper, but they’re really a matter of personal preference in the end. Also, the hyphens in place of em dashes bothered me more than they have every right to.
Overall, this is a great entry executed with graceful simplicity! I expect this story to be ranked highly come the results of the finals.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
I really, really like the dynamics at play between Brad and Rosie here. The dialogue skitters through enough highs and lows to keep it interesting, yet not so much so that it becomes ridiculously outlandish. All this, plus the acutely-worded descriptions in between, immediately highlights their personalities without need for exposition, which is no mean feat.
Personally, I didn’t really consider that the whole idea of Rosie being a robot was being foreshadowed. In fact, I was quite surprised that it was even considered to be foreshadowing in the first place. The ‘reveal’ just came off to me as an exercise in evening out the pacing so that the story breathes naturally instead of it being a twist to catch.
I do have some pointers for this story, namely some sections where you could omit the descriptions as they don’t really contribute much to the story proper, but they’re really a matter of personal preference in the end. Also, the hyphens in place of em dashes bothered me more than they have every right to.
Overall, this is a great entry executed with graceful simplicity! I expect this story to be ranked highly come the results of the finals.
Thanks for writing, and good luck!
>>Bachiavellian
Thanks for the feedback! If/when I flesh this out, having the Rosie reveal out front would make sure the focus stays on the interaction between the two characters, not just the composition of the character herself. Good note. Thank you again!
Thanks for the feedback! If/when I flesh this out, having the Rosie reveal out front would make sure the focus stays on the interaction between the two characters, not just the composition of the character herself. Good note. Thank you again!