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Requiem
Where coastal canopies blot out day—That's where the stolen tome of the ancient mariner placed the three sisters. Magnus Lodestone faced the cave’s gaping maw, smiling. His tracking and looting skills had again paid off.
The three were huddled in the dark. Long tails and scaly limbs wound together, making it difficult to decipher where one ended and another began.
The golden witch spoke first. “You are fortunate, wanderer. Our song would've had you gleefully drowning yourself two hundred paces back.”
Magnus tucked the tome into his saddlebag and approached the leviathan that legend called Adagio. “Then why didn't you?”
“Intrigue,” she replied.
“Hunger,” growled her sister, Aria.
“Boredom!” called Sonata, their youngest, passing the traveler a savagely toothy grin. From what Magnus could gather, her elders didn’t appreciate this outburst.
“Why have you sought us out?” Adagio asked.
“Must be important for you to have taken such risk,” Aria said.
“Well,” Magnus replied, “I desire a requiem.”
The trio balked. Adagio rested her chin upon one hoof. “Suppose we decided to humor this ridiculous request. Just whom might this requiem be for?”
“Somepony sick?” Sonata inquired.
“It would be mine,” Magnus sighed, lowering onto his haunches. “You see, come tomorrow, I am to be executed.”
“Splendid,” Aria chuckled.
"Is that right?" Adagio said, tapping a hoof against stone. “Your diarchy does not condone capital punishment. Why would the princesses make exception for you?”
“You’ve stolen Celestia’s cake, haven’t you?” Sonata asked. “I’ve heard rumors about ponies who purloin her sweets.”
Magnus chuckled, shaking his head. “Nothing of the sort. It isn’t the princesses who desire my head, but the Lord Beakford.”
“Ahh, a griffon king,” Adagio purred, dots connecting inside her notoriously shrewd mind. “You must've stolen from him then.”
“I might have acquired a sizeable ruby from a purportedly significant monument,” Magnus chirped, looking everywhere except into the witch’s eyes.
“Mm. I see. And like any wronged griffon lord, he has threatened Equestria with war, hasn’t he?” Adagio laughed. “Oh, yes, thief. You shall indeed perish. But I cannot understand why you would ever suppose that we three might wish to sing for you.”
“Sounds like a bloody good time as is,” snorted Aria.
“Your delusions of grandeur are admirable, but not in any way inspiring. To sing, we must feel inspired.” Adagio's teeth gleamed. Her sisters spread their jaws. “Now, I’m afraid, we must bid you good day, stallion—and goodbye.”
“E-energy!” Magnus blurted, stumbling backward over his hooves. “Heard you love it! Not only can I promise mounds of energy if you show, but I could also steal from the royal palace. I have absolutely no intention of dying tomorrow, but also do not desire being hunted forever. I require your assistance. Make spectators forget they ever wanted me, and I will steal whatever you desire in return.”
The enchantresses shrieked.
“You? Rob the princesses?” Aria guffawed. “Delusions of grandeur, indeed.”
“I've done it before!” Magnus reached into his saddlebag to retrieve a golden crown inset with amethyst. “I am Magnus Lodestone. If anypony is able to do so, it is I.”
“Th-that isn’t...” Aria choked. “It couldn’t be...”
Adagio lunged forward to scrape the crown with one sharp incisor. "'Tis real!" she gasped.
Aria forced an unimpressed smirk. “Hmph. Lodestone. Never heard of you. However, if you're offering to complete an impossible mission on our behalf…”
“And feed us…” Sonata giggled.
“Then, I suppose we've time to entertain your request,” Adagio finished. “The princesses’ legendary journal. We want it.”
“V-very good,” Magnus beamed, looking a bit too confident. “S-so, we have a deal! Atop the highest peak where griffon lands begin; that's where they will take me.”
Adagio scrutinized the stallion’s feigned aplomb. “Fine. The requiem is yours. One to save your soul. But only if you are true in all you have said. We can smell lies, you know.” She grinned. “Our song just may betray you if you prove yourself one. You might find yourself headless after all.”
Magnus gulped and nodded.
"Then listen well," the sisters hummed in unison, "to a song of your salvation or ruin."
Rapturous harmony swelled.
"Make way, make way for the dead one walking,
Who wondered where his head might’ve gone.
May all who see him hush their talking,
And witness him escape into some great beyond.
For freedom awaits the sincere heart,
A heart that has stood in its own truth.
No doom awaits he who faces death boldly,
Where a deceiver mightst fear her gleaming tooth."
The three were huddled in the dark. Long tails and scaly limbs wound together, making it difficult to decipher where one ended and another began.
The golden witch spoke first. “You are fortunate, wanderer. Our song would've had you gleefully drowning yourself two hundred paces back.”
Magnus tucked the tome into his saddlebag and approached the leviathan that legend called Adagio. “Then why didn't you?”
“Intrigue,” she replied.
“Hunger,” growled her sister, Aria.
“Boredom!” called Sonata, their youngest, passing the traveler a savagely toothy grin. From what Magnus could gather, her elders didn’t appreciate this outburst.
“Why have you sought us out?” Adagio asked.
“Must be important for you to have taken such risk,” Aria said.
“Well,” Magnus replied, “I desire a requiem.”
The trio balked. Adagio rested her chin upon one hoof. “Suppose we decided to humor this ridiculous request. Just whom might this requiem be for?”
“Somepony sick?” Sonata inquired.
“It would be mine,” Magnus sighed, lowering onto his haunches. “You see, come tomorrow, I am to be executed.”
“Splendid,” Aria chuckled.
"Is that right?" Adagio said, tapping a hoof against stone. “Your diarchy does not condone capital punishment. Why would the princesses make exception for you?”
“You’ve stolen Celestia’s cake, haven’t you?” Sonata asked. “I’ve heard rumors about ponies who purloin her sweets.”
Magnus chuckled, shaking his head. “Nothing of the sort. It isn’t the princesses who desire my head, but the Lord Beakford.”
“Ahh, a griffon king,” Adagio purred, dots connecting inside her notoriously shrewd mind. “You must've stolen from him then.”
“I might have acquired a sizeable ruby from a purportedly significant monument,” Magnus chirped, looking everywhere except into the witch’s eyes.
“Mm. I see. And like any wronged griffon lord, he has threatened Equestria with war, hasn’t he?” Adagio laughed. “Oh, yes, thief. You shall indeed perish. But I cannot understand why you would ever suppose that we three might wish to sing for you.”
“Sounds like a bloody good time as is,” snorted Aria.
“Your delusions of grandeur are admirable, but not in any way inspiring. To sing, we must feel inspired.” Adagio's teeth gleamed. Her sisters spread their jaws. “Now, I’m afraid, we must bid you good day, stallion—and goodbye.”
“E-energy!” Magnus blurted, stumbling backward over his hooves. “Heard you love it! Not only can I promise mounds of energy if you show, but I could also steal from the royal palace. I have absolutely no intention of dying tomorrow, but also do not desire being hunted forever. I require your assistance. Make spectators forget they ever wanted me, and I will steal whatever you desire in return.”
The enchantresses shrieked.
“You? Rob the princesses?” Aria guffawed. “Delusions of grandeur, indeed.”
“I've done it before!” Magnus reached into his saddlebag to retrieve a golden crown inset with amethyst. “I am Magnus Lodestone. If anypony is able to do so, it is I.”
“Th-that isn’t...” Aria choked. “It couldn’t be...”
Adagio lunged forward to scrape the crown with one sharp incisor. "'Tis real!" she gasped.
Aria forced an unimpressed smirk. “Hmph. Lodestone. Never heard of you. However, if you're offering to complete an impossible mission on our behalf…”
“And feed us…” Sonata giggled.
“Then, I suppose we've time to entertain your request,” Adagio finished. “The princesses’ legendary journal. We want it.”
“V-very good,” Magnus beamed, looking a bit too confident. “S-so, we have a deal! Atop the highest peak where griffon lands begin; that's where they will take me.”
Adagio scrutinized the stallion’s feigned aplomb. “Fine. The requiem is yours. One to save your soul. But only if you are true in all you have said. We can smell lies, you know.” She grinned. “Our song just may betray you if you prove yourself one. You might find yourself headless after all.”
Magnus gulped and nodded.
"Then listen well," the sisters hummed in unison, "to a song of your salvation or ruin."
Rapturous harmony swelled.
"Make way, make way for the dead one walking,
Who wondered where his head might’ve gone.
May all who see him hush their talking,
And witness him escape into some great beyond.
For freedom awaits the sincere heart,
A heart that has stood in its own truth.
No doom awaits he who faces death boldly,
Where a deceiver mightst fear her gleaming tooth."
Fantastic hook. I’m immediately intrigued.
Okay, this was a really cool use of the sirens. My only complaint is that original songs don’t work well in a textual medium where we can’t hear the music. If the song does exist or is based on one that does, I’m afraid I don’t recognize it. Still, aside from the multimedia disconnect, great work.
Okay, this was a really cool use of the sirens. My only complaint is that original songs don’t work well in a textual medium where we can’t hear the music. If the song does exist or is based on one that does, I’m afraid I don’t recognize it. Still, aside from the multimedia disconnect, great work.
Had to read the first sentence about 3 times. Too many adjectives. Yes, I'm stupid like that. So your hook kinda stopped me in my tracks right away. Thankfully, the story gained more momentum from there.
I liked the characterization of Sonata, but I had trouble distinguishing between Aria and Adagio; not that any of the dialogue attributions went amiss, but they could've had uniquer voices. No other complaints about the writing.
Story-wise, it falls a bit short for me. It feels like a sub-chapter of something bigger, and in itself, since we don't learn whether the adventures of Magnus Lodestone continued, offers no resolution. (Unless the song at the end is a clue that requires folklore knowledge that I don't have).
I liked the characterization of Sonata, but I had trouble distinguishing between Aria and Adagio; not that any of the dialogue attributions went amiss, but they could've had uniquer voices. No other complaints about the writing.
Story-wise, it falls a bit short for me. It feels like a sub-chapter of something bigger, and in itself, since we don't learn whether the adventures of Magnus Lodestone continued, offers no resolution. (Unless the song at the end is a clue that requires folklore knowledge that I don't have).
This story feels a bit too... I can't think of the right word. At any rate, it feels misaimed for me. I just... couldn't find myself caring.
I'm not sure there's anything particularly wrong with it (except that Aria and Adagio feel basically identical), so I don't know why. But, well... I dunno. Maybe I just don't like Siren fics? I don't think I've actually found one I've actually really enjoyed yet, so maybe it's just me.
Sorry this review is more or less worthless. I just... don't have anything to say.
Verdict: Misaimed.
I'm not sure there's anything particularly wrong with it (except that Aria and Adagio feel basically identical), so I don't know why. But, well... I dunno. Maybe I just don't like Siren fics? I don't think I've actually found one I've actually really enjoyed yet, so maybe it's just me.
Sorry this review is more or less worthless. I just... don't have anything to say.
Verdict: Misaimed.
Interesting, I like it but I have to agree with others here, it feels like something out of a larger story, probably because of all the references like " looking a bit too confident" that leave the doubt that there is something else aside from him facing three monsters.
Besides that, really interesting world building and characterization.
Besides that, really interesting world building and characterization.
I'm confused about how the song sung here and now will help the pony tomorrow elsewhere. A small clue would help.
I also don't see the sirens as pony-eaters. Ponies are a lot harder to eat than fish, and in canon they subsist upon rancor rather than flesh.
I also don't see the sirens as pony-eaters. Ponies are a lot harder to eat than fish, and in canon they subsist upon rancor rather than flesh.
Raaagh, author, you can't just cut a good story at the point where we're about to find out what happens! I mean, you obviously can in serial storytelling, because "to be continued" gets continued. But doing it to us here is cruel, since it might not be.
That aside, I thought the characters all had strong and distinct voices, and the setup was vibrant. The ending didn't leave enough clarity to give me any sense of what was going to come next, though I thought the song text itself was cool.
That aside, I thought the characters all had strong and distinct voices, and the setup was vibrant. The ending didn't leave enough clarity to give me any sense of what was going to come next, though I thought the song text itself was cool.
I liked the lyrics.
I think the idea's going over my head though. Just when I think it's one kind of story and I form some expectations, it jumps to something else. By the end I'm not even sure what I wanted out of it. It's too slippery for me to latch on to, neither logically nor emotionally.
I think the idea's going over my head though. Just when I think it's one kind of story and I form some expectations, it jumps to something else. By the end I'm not even sure what I wanted out of it. It's too slippery for me to latch on to, neither logically nor emotionally.
Requiem - A- It was hard to pick up the location at first, then following along the plot thread, since both parties were certainly attempting to deceive. Still, it kept my attention, and I can’t help but wonder if this is the trap that got the sirens caught by Starswirl and tossed into the other world.
Other than the song itself seeming to lack magic, which the rest of the story implies it should, this was a very well done piece. Hints of how the song should work would be good here. Now, the sirens themselves? Splendid. Write more of them in this fashion. It's an intriguing take that is a delight to read.
A pony sentenced to death for stealing from a griffon king comes to the three Sirens to beseech them for aid. He has no intention of dying, and offers to steal magic from the Princesses of Equestria in order to have them save him on the morrow.
I’m a bit confused by this story; I’m not sure if Magnus is actually Starswirl the Bearded in disguise, setting up their banishment, or if the story is legit. I’m not sure what he is offering to steal from the Princesses – that seemed pretty vague. Is this a setup for those amulets that the sirens have?
I’m just not quite sure what is really going down here, and thus, it never quite came together for me.
I’m a bit confused by this story; I’m not sure if Magnus is actually Starswirl the Bearded in disguise, setting up their banishment, or if the story is legit. I’m not sure what he is offering to steal from the Princesses – that seemed pretty vague. Is this a setup for those amulets that the sirens have?
I’m just not quite sure what is really going down here, and thus, it never quite came together for me.
Your Sirens look much more like the three Gorgons, except they do not petrify their visitor.
Anyways, I must admit I failed to be grasped by this story. There’s a big clash between ponies and mythology, and the cocktail you deliver here failed to gel for me. The Gorgons turn their vests a bit too easily for me, and I have no idea why they don't just attack the pony and steal the crown he's presenting to them.
I found the song a bit bland. Reading the other reviews, it's fabulous how not two of us agree on even a single point!
Anyways, I must admit I failed to be grasped by this story. There’s a big clash between ponies and mythology, and the cocktail you deliver here failed to gel for me. The Gorgons turn their vests a bit too easily for me, and I have no idea why they don't just attack the pony and steal the crown he's presenting to them.
I found the song a bit bland. Reading the other reviews, it's fabulous how not two of us agree on even a single point!
Okay, so Lodestone is scheduled to be handed over to the gryphons to be executed tomorrow...
So why is he just wandering around, chatting up sirens today? I mean, Equestria seems to have a pretty liberal justice system, but not keeping prisoners, you know, in a prison, seems bit extreme. O.o
Or maybe he's just that good at escaping. But then what is he worried about in the first place?
Aside from that, it's an interesting piece, and makes good and unique use of the sirens... But it feels like it's just a piece of a bigger story, as opposed to a story itself. I suspect a full sized fic based on the concept would be quite good.
So why is he just wandering around, chatting up sirens today? I mean, Equestria seems to have a pretty liberal justice system, but not keeping prisoners, you know, in a prison, seems bit extreme. O.o
Or maybe he's just that good at escaping. But then what is he worried about in the first place?
Aside from that, it's an interesting piece, and makes good and unique use of the sirens... But it feels like it's just a piece of a bigger story, as opposed to a story itself. I suspect a full sized fic based on the concept would be quite good.
This story doesn't do much for me, I'm afraid. The writing is decent, but never really grabbed me. I don't care enough about the original character to care if things work out for him or not. Aria doesn't really make herself distinct from Adagio, and Sonata hardly has any role at all.
It's possible I would enjoy an expanded that lets me know more about Magnus, but as is, this didn't have much of an impact on me.
It's possible I would enjoy an expanded that lets me know more about Magnus, but as is, this didn't have much of an impact on me.