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No Brakes
A scintillating cascade of color and light filtered in through the windows of the vaulted room. Twilight Sparkle discourteously trotted through an abstract, colorful shadow of herself. The image that briefly refracted upon her hooves illustrated one of the many times she and her companions had saved Equestria through the magic of friendship.
"Hello, Princess! You called for me?" asked Twilight. She slowed her pace to a walk as she approached her former mentor within a few hooves.
Princess Celestia smiled warmly down at her former student. "I heard you were visiting friends in Canterlot, so I figured the time was right. I have somepony very special for you to meet," she said, in a slow and unusually soft tone of voice. "Please say hello to my new personal student, Amethyst Sunset."
Twilight's eyes widened, and then she looked around the empty throne room. "Has she mastered invisibility magic already?" she joked.
Celestia laughed. "Not that I'm aware of, no. He is just a little shy." She craned her neck first behind her, then beneath her. "You can come out, Amethyst. Twilight's a good friend. She was my previous student."
A tiny little colt with a dusty rose coat and a short, messy mane of dark violet curls poked his head out from between Celestia's front legs. He stared up at her like a deer caught in a flashlight.
"Hello there Amethyst Sunset! My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm very pleased to meet you." Twilight reached out her hoof.
Amethyst shuddered as though somepony had pressed the reset button on his brain, then he slowly stepped out from beneath Celestia. His haunch was still blank, which came as no surprise given his age. "You're Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship," he said in a matter-of-fact voice, then extended a tiny hoof. "You were Princess Celestia's student too?"
"Yes! And it was a lot of fun. Lots of hard work, but very rewarding," said Twilight. She raised her gaze to meet Celestia's. "I think it's a great idea to take on a colt. He might not be able to reach apotheosis, but Star Swirl the Bearded was a great wizard and he was a stallion."
"Sunny—that's his preferred nickname—has incredible potential, Twilight. Perhaps even greater than Starlight Glimmer. We'll need to talk about it sometime. As for the far future? Just because something hasn't been done doesn't mean it can't be done. One never knows what destiny has in store," she said, staring directly into Sunny's eyes as she said the last sentence.
Twilight Sparkle recognized that Celestial behavior as a teaching. Sunny had a mildly sour expression on his face, and Twilight could feel tension hanging in the air.
"You know Sunny, I think I've seen you once before," said Twilight, trying to redirect the conversation. "Wait, I have—you're from Ponyville! You're Amethyst Star's foal, right?"
The colt nodded but kept his mouth shut.
"Your mother is an expert organizer. She used to do most of the organization before I came to Ponyville. I'm not surprised she had such a talented foal," she said, then looked up to Celestia. "You chose a colt and a Ponyville pony from the working class? That's really neat! I really hope it works out."
"I'm fairly certain it will. He's a fast learner," said Celestia. "Actually, do you mind taking him back to his quarters? He's with his mother in the guest room Rarity used last year."
Twilight Sparkle nodded and the two walked out into the castle hallway.
"Oh, I have so many questions!" said Twilight Sparkle, a silly grin slowly crossing her muzzle. "Um, I hope it's okay to ask you questions?"
Sunny nodded and smiled fakely.
"First and foremost, how did Princess Celestia discover your abilities?" said Twilight.
"Not s'poseda say," said the colt.
Twilight's cheeks burned from sheer interest. "Oh, I see. Um, that must be an amazing story, then..."
"Not really," said the colt, "but I'm not s'poseda say."
Twilight nodded and smiled sheepishly. "Right, right, sorry. Curiosity getting the better of me there."
Damn! 'Not amazing' somehow makes it even stranger, thought Twilight.
The pair of ponies exited the castle and walked toward the building holding Sunny's guest quarters. Cloudsdale had planned a thunderstorm for later today, and several pegasi were currently setting dark clouds into place.
"You're going to learn so much about magic!" Twilight bubbled.
"Not really," he said, with a shrug. "I already know what it is."
Twilight chuckled. "Of course. Although to be technically accurate, nopony really knows what magic is, which is why it's so difficult to study. Except we know that friendship is magic," she said. "I have a friend in town here named Moondancer. I should put her in touch with you. She's a mare my age, but she's very interested in magic. The one thing I wish I'd done when I was Celestia's student was to make some friends..."
The colt stopped on the sidewalk and stared into space.
"Um... Sunny? Do you see something?" asked Twilight. "We should probably get there before it rains."
"I can make an umber-ella," said Sunny. Twilight stared wide-eyed, and her lower jaw dropped enough to take an entire hayburger in one bite.
A foal this young making a shield? Intentionally? Wow. Celestia's right, she thought. The kid might even hold his own against her niece.
"Anyway I was just thinkin' I might be able to tell you, 'cause you're a princess. If you're like Celestia, I mean," he said, and resumed walking.
"Oh! Well, I don't think I'm half the princess that Celestia is, but I try to measure up to her as well as I can."
Twilight tried her best to hide the worried expression on her face. She suspected she didn't succeed, but it didn't seem to matter. The foal wasn't paying her face any attention, he only stared off into the distance.
"So... do you think I qualify?" said Twilight, the eagerness in her voice apparent as they walked up the steps to the building.
When they reached the doorway, Amethyst Sunset turned and looked at Twilight. First he looked at her neck, and then his head craned slowly upward to meet her gaze. "Well, I don't like you, but that isn't important. I gotta ask you a question first," he said.
"Oh... Y-yeah, go for it," said Twilight. She tried to smile as she felt her heart breaking. She was too afraid to ask him why.
Why in Equestria would a magically talented foal not like me?
The colt looked nervously left and right. "Do you remember Quifons?" he whispered.
Twilight paused in thought. "That sounds Lopin... oh, you mean 'qui fons'? That's Lopin for... well, a bunch of things. It can mean 'at any price', or 'something', or 'how', for just a few. It's very contextual, and I'm not sure what fons means. My Lopin is a little rusty."
"That's right, but I mean the place."
"I've never even heard of it, so I guess I've never been there," said Twilight, then pinched her lips tightly together, bracing for him to like her even less.
"You've been there. Long time ago," he said. He opened the door behind him with his magic without even looking at it.
"Where is this 'Quifons' place, Sunny?" asked Twilight, the uncertainty in her voice unmistakeable. Is this just the overactive imagination of a foal? Is he tormenting me because he doesn't like me?
"Guess it's just Celestia and Luna then," said Sunny, ignoring the question. "'Cause they're so old. I'm not s'posed to talk about it since you don't know." He sighed and drooped his head. "Figures. Celestia won't believe me about what's gonna happen."
Twilight ignored the last sentence, searching for something to say that might elevate her in the eyes of the gifted little foal. "Well, Celestia will probably tell me anyway, I mean, she's never hidden anything from me before," said Twilight, her voice cracking. "Okay, well, um... I suppose she has for my own good once or twice, b-but still, I'm sure if I question her directly—"
"Mom's not here yet, but you shouldn't come in," said the colt, stepping through the threshold and turning back again to face Twilight. "It don't matter if you remember it or if Celestia believes. You're gonna destroy it," he said. He frowned deeply, then slammed the door in her face.
The downpour began. Twilight stood in the rain for a minute or two, just staring at the door. She forgot to put up her umbrella, but at least it helped to mask her tears.
A knock sounded, and Zecora opened her door.
"You have to help me!" said Twilight Sparkle, shoving her way into Zecora's tiny house and grabbing her by the shoulders. Twilight's shaman friend stared her dead in the eye, and an invisible force that felt like magnetic repulsion pushed her hooves off.
"Although you forget pleasantries, your needs seem dire, so present these," said Zecora. She motioned Twilight to a stool as the door closed by itself.
"Right! Sorry, I..." her voice trailed off as she sat down, then she looked back to Zecora. "Zecora, have you ever heard of a place called Quifons?"
"Ah, that is the young ones' word! Truly, it is seldom heard as children hide it as a sneeze. They say it when they shoot the breeze. Quifons a place? I do not know. No foal will say. No foal will show. Zebra foals just sometimes will say 'quifons' to one another. They," said Zecora, taking a tiny pause, "must have the word within their genes. They forget long before their teens."
Twilight paused a moment to digest the meaning. "You're telling me that zebra foals sometimes make the sound 'quifons' to each other, when they converse?"
Zecora nodded.
"And it sounds like a sneeze, but it's a fake sneeze?"
Zecora nodded again.
"Zecora, I think pony foals might make the same sound, but this is the first time I've heard of it. How do you know it isn't a sneeze?"
Zecora smiled. "It is a fact that zebra kind host shamans, like me: those whose mind," she said, "is disciplined to notice when, what seems a reflex, hasn't been."
"And you have no idea whether or not it means anything?"
"Most utterances in the day, are between foals when they're at play. But beyond that? I cannot say."
"Have you tried asking them?"
"They just say 'imagination'. It seems Quifons is no nation."
"I need to find out," said Twilight, unconsciously rocking against the stool. "Can you take me back to my childhood? I'm sure I've never heard of Quifons before, but the evidence is starting to suggest otherwise that my certainty is misplaced."
Zecora nodded, and brewed a potion as Twilight patiently waited.
"Drink," she said, and Twilight did.
Twilight gasped loudly as her body reverted to her adult form. Eyes wide, she said "It's...!" as the memory faded from her. "Oh no. I forgot. I forgot everything that just happened. Zecora, what did I tell you when I was a filly? I mean just now as a filly, I obviously didn't know you way back when I was actually a filly."
"I asked you time and time again, but each request, no reply then," said Zecora.
"Horsecrap—er, sorry," said Twilight, blushing. Zecora chuckled and attended to a partly-completed potion as Twilight sat in thought.
"I know!" said Twilight. "Can you do the Answering Potion again? You know, the one we made together to beat the vines?"
"One step ahead of you I am. The potion needs but just one gram..." said Zecora, adding a pinch of a deep violet powder. The potion bubbled in the glass flask, turning a shade of purple Twilight had seen only once before.
"Excellent!" said Twilight, with a bright smile. "I can always count on you, Zecora."
"You must forgive my joking gripes, but please, don't waste time counting stripes," said Zecora, with a wink. She set the potion on a small table as Twilight giggled.
"This part, I know," said Twilight. She focused on the liquid in the flask, and began summoning the darker side of magic needed to unlock its true potential. She grunted as a black and violet ray shot out of her horn and into the liquid. It turned white in a flash. "I also remember that it only allows me to see the past experiences of ponies I'm close friends with. But I think Celestia's past might hold the answer."
"Focus on your question true, and take a sip of magic brew." Zecora poured a small amount of liquid into what appeared to be a shot glass. "Ingredients for it are rare. I find this way, the best to share."
Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath.
What is Quifons?
She tilted her head back, held the glass aloft, and downed the sip of viscous white liquid by sucking hard on the rim of the glass. Then Twilight slammed it down on the table, which rattled everything in the room.
She immediately grimaced, but not from the flavor. "I'm sorry Zecora! That's just how Applejack—"
Twilight Sparkle stood in a small, dimly lit room with a central table at which two alicorn sisters sat in silent contemplation. The only sources of light were the table and the magical runes covering every part of the walls, ceiling, and floor, both of which glowed an eerie aquamarine color. Twilight immediately recognized the table as the Cutie Map, but her attention was taken by force when she realised precisely where she was standing.
This was the fabled War Room of the Palace of the Two Sisters. From the legends Celestia had told her, this used to be the most anti-magically fortified site in all of Equestria—even stronger than the anti-magic throne of the Changeling Queendom. The room had been destroyed by massive stone structures falling upon it during Celestia's battle with Nightmare Moon, and even then it probably took an impossible amount of force to finally crack the structure. At least, that must have been how it happened. The War Room couldn't have been damaged by magic, because that was simply impossible.
At first it seemed equally impossible that Twilight could see this room at all, even through Celestia's memories. Even her memories of the room would be just as fortified against magic as the actual room, but Twilight quickly remembered that Zecora's potion worked using the magic of Friendship. That made all the difference.
Her attention turned to the Cutie Map, and she noticed something very odd. In addition to the Map there were two floating crescents of table on either side. They hovered slightly above it, extending the circle to an ellipse. One was labeled Tartarus. The the other was labeled Quifons. Tartarus looked just as one familiar with the dungeon realm would expect, but Quifons looked very unusual. It appeared as a swirling mist of colorful, sparkling energy. It was difficult to see well, because it was a very dim hologram backlit by an aquamarine glow obscuring the details.
Even so, it was the most beautiful image Twilight Sparkle had ever beheld.
"Dear Sister," Princess Luna finally spoke, "nothing in all of Reality can stand against the might of Friendship, not even Friendship itself." Then she clenched her lips tightly together.
"I understand, Luna," said Princess Celestia. "It's just a careful precaution."
"Quifons is in no danger, Celestia. No pony, no thing, could possibly mar it in any way! You are falling for the lies of that patchwork serpent," said Princess Luna, in a gruff tone of voice. "Nothing he says can be believed, not even when he admits he is lying."
"I agree, but when somepony as powerful as Discord says that under our leadership, Quifons will one day cease to be, we must at least take notice."
"He spoke from his multifarious hind end! It was a sad, desperate attempt to convince us Reality would be safer trampled beneath his hoof and claws," said Luna. "He knew we would swing the axe of Friendship eventually, and he was more fearful than he let on. Our leadership is not an issue. Although perhaps if one of us simply stepped down from the throne, then surely his prediction would not come to pass."
Celestia sighed, but otherwise retained her perfect poker face. "Obviously, the Demon of Chaos cannot be trusted, by very definition of what it is," she said. "Still, I worry. I think it is best to force those connected with it to hide the word."
"The Decision was already a terrible mistake. We still cannot relate to other stallions and mares, the saddeth thing is sometimes horrifying, and among the others, we alone can see Quifons directly," said Luna. "Not even Star Swirl the Bearded may gaze upon its truth!"
"He retains a small connection which helps to bear his magic. But yes, it's just you and I who may span both stations. Somepony must bear the burden, and it is logical for it to be us," said Celestia. "Now, we must make another difficult choice, and again there is only one sensible option. We need to move ahead with the new plan. Please, Luna."
"I hate sensibility. I hate the very fact that I have become able to act in a sensible manner, and that I rule this sensible Equestria! And I hate my ability to hate things." Luna snorted and lowered her head to the Map, her voice muffled between her forelegs. "How many areas of knowledge?"
"Only three. Star Swirl has been able to divine that with high certainty. We shall censor all study of astronomy beyond simple observation with visual telescopes, censor all study of the true nature of magic, and censor knowledge of the existence of nomenmancy altogether. These three combined should wall off Quifons from rediscovery," said Celestia. "We should also try to limit communication technology from developing, but there are other benefits there, obviously. And yes, as you know, we must remove the memories coinciding with Quifons from the others who have become."
"The censorship I have no quarrel with, and certainly not the limits on communication. Those are much less of a concern than The Decision was. However, we are deleting something beautiful from future souls, Sister. Are you most certain this is a path we can walk, and still live with ourselves?" Twilight felt Luna was making a good argument, but her words now carried a hollow ring to them. She sounded like a performer reading from a script she's read too many times before.
Celestia slowly nodded her head. "You and I have no choice but to live. However, it isn't quite as bad as you suggest. They will still retain fond memories of a sort, and the magic of friendship shall never leave them," she said. "And after each saddeth, there will be renewal and return, so it isn't like one loses the connection forever. But yes, once a pony has been converted, that pony must relinquish her or his past. It's the only way, Luna, and you know it." She paused for a moment. "I hate this too, Sister."
Princess Luna gritted her teeth and walked to the only exit, then tapped a bunch of runes in sequence with her horn. The door opened and she exited without another word.
The moment the door slammed shut, an exhausted Princess Celestia collapsed onto the hologram of Griffinstone and began crying into her legs.
Zecora stared into Twilight Sparkle's face with a look of concern. Twilight slowly realized the look on her muzzle was not a pleasant one. She covered her face with a hoof for a moment in order to compose herself.
"On what you've seen, I won't intrude, but hopefully it won't be rude if I may offer up a task: go to Celestia and ask."
"I can't. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to know any of this," said Twilight. Zecora closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively.
"I need to take the rest of the potion with me," added Twilight, lifting the potion with her magic. "I might need it again later."
Zecora lifted the shot glass. "Then please take this to safely measure, and drink for wisdom, not for pleasure," she said, glaring sternly at her friend.
"No problem there," said Twilight Sparkle. "I'm still having difficulty processing what I've seen. I don't want to use this stuff unless I have no other choice. I don't know if you've tried this, but it gets more disturbing with every sip."
Zecora nodded solemnly, and a sad-looking smile crossed her muzzle. "I tried just once from prev'ous batch. Never again I'll 'down the hatch'."
Twilight quickly left the hut with potion and glass in aura's tow.
As Starlight Glimmer listened to her former mentor's story, she stared in wide-eyed wonder.
"...and that's everything up until now," said Twilight Sparkle. She nervously triple-checked that she was holding the water glass before taking a drink.
"First off, I've never heard of this Quifons place either," said Starlight Glimmer, then her voice fell to a whisper. "But dear Sun above, Twilight! Do you realize what this means?" She stared into space as she spoke, her eyes scanning empty space like she was examining an invisible Cutie Map. "There's more to magic. I always suspected there might be logical reasons that explain what magic truly is and precisely where it comes from..."
"As have I, Starlight. But you and I have both studied magic to pieces, and all the books I've read say the same thing: magic is scientific, but its source is unknown and is widely believed to be mathematically impossible of comprehension," said Twilight.
"The books you've read."
"Yes."
"And Celestia said she was censoring research on magic."
"Yes..."
"Twilight, we can't trust books."
Twilight Sparkle froze in place. Her face made it look like her brain had snapped while she was staring at a cockatrice.
"It's okay, Twilight," said Starlight Glimmer, giving her friend a quick hug.
"I... I can't trust books?"
"Well, you can't trust anything, to be fair. Not even your own senses. I learned that a long time ago," said Starlight. "Although, I suppose you've taught me that you can trust your friends."
"How do you even read, Starlight?"
"Well, I assume sometimes things are wrong." She shrugged.
"Well, mistakes, yes! But intentional falsehoods? I can't believe Princess Celestia, of all ponies, would do something like this."
"Okay, then maybe it's the potion we shouldn't trust."
Twilight sighed. "I trust the potion. This is all too weird for my imagination to conjure up," she said. "Do you have any ideas on how to study magic in greater depth?"
"Only an inkling. I thought I knew everything there was to know about magic physics," said Starlight. "However, as you probably know, there's a museum in Manehattan with a History of Magic section."
"The device," said Twilight, slapping a hoof soundly against the table. "I know where you're going with this."
"Mana detection instruments fell out of vogue more than a millennium ago, as soon as ponies 'realized' that mana examination was inherently inaccurate. Like quantum physics, but worse," said Starlight.
"We could study the device and recreate it!. That's brilliant."
Starlight grinned sheepishly. "Well... I was actually thinking 'borrow'. Just for a short time, I mean, and replace it with a replica so nopony will know. It's not like it sees use. Rarity and Applejack should be able to make a flawless model if they work together."
Twilight Sparkle stared at her former protege while wearing a frown, then sighed. "Replace it with a replica? That means the curators won't know..." she said, and her voice faded out.
"That's the idea. I'm pretty sure we don't want anypony to know we're engaged in forbidden research, Twilight."
"This feels... wrong. Should we engage in forbidden research?"
Starlight Glimmer patiently waited for the wheels to turn.
"...okay. I can't help it either, I have to know, too," said Twilight, grimacing. "If I ever bring this up with Celestia I'll need a hole card, and knowing some of what I'm not supposed to know would be one buck of a card. Er, pardon my Prench."
Starlight blushed, then coughed. "Right. Anyway, I'll tell the others, and we'll get started."
"Actually... don't tell anypony but Rarity. See if she can make it by herself."
"Why?"
"You and she can go to Manehattan without raising suspicion, and then she can make the replica in the backroom of her shop."
"But why not tell the others, Twilight?"
"I don't want anypony tainted with this knowledge unless they need to be. I didn't even tell Zecora all the details. Rarity doesn't even need to know why we need the device, she just has to agree to keep it quiet," said Twilight. "That would limit this madness to Zecora, Moondancer in the near future, and the two of us."
"Don't forget Amethyst Sunset," said Starlight.
"Ouch. I did. Do you think I could coax it out of him?"
"It kind of sounded like he hates you for his prediction where you destroy a place whose tiny image on a crystal map fascinated you beyond anything you can remember."
"I'll never forget it now," whispered Twilight. "And you're right, he seriously does not like me. But we should talk to some fillies and colts here, locally."
"I'd rather do that in Manehattan while Rarity works. I have some great compulsion spells that should spill the beans quickly, but in case an angry parent sees me, I need to do it somewhere I can blend in and not be remembered."
Twilight Sparkle gasped. "Starlight!"
Starlight Glimmer patiently waited for the wheels to turn.
"...okay. But only for this. Are we clear?" said Twilight.
"Translucent. No, wait, I mean transparent. I know you understand the difference," she said, with a chuckle.
Twilight couldn't stifle a giggle of her own from emerging. It was rare for her to be able to dork out this much, and although Starlight carefully hid her eggheadedness, beneath a thin shell they weren't really that different. It was nice. It reminded her of another pony.
"Oh, that reminds me. I can go see Moondancer while you're doing the magic angle. I'll come back here once your... er... 'heist' is complete."
"I assume Moondancer is into astronomy as much as you are? I know all the basic stuff, but I've never owned a telescope one-quarter as large as the one you have."
"I'm an astronomy freak, because just like magic theory there's so much we don't understand about the sky and why it looks the way it does. She's the only pony I know of who might know more than I do. I have an even larger telescope there, too. Er, in Canterlot, I mean."
"Ah, so you probably won't be bringing her here," said Starlight, with a glum expression.
Twilight shook her head. "Later on, absolutely. I want you to be friends, and you've got a lot in common. But now is business."
"Agreed. Wasn't there something else you said about name magic?"
"That's obviously what nomenmancy means, but I don't have a clue what it is. Names come up all the time in magic, but you don't typically do magic with names. Maybe it's some kind of long distance cursing based on a pony's name," said Twilight. "It's useless to theorize when we haven't had time to brainstorm properly. Let's both think about it for a while."
"Sounds good. And, Twilight?"
"Yes?"
"Try not to destroy any amazing alternate dimensions of friendship and harmony," said Starlight Glimmer, with a grin.
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, though. Be careful, okay? This thing is probably dangerous," she added. Her eyes were slightly watery.
Twilight embraced her friend in a tight hug. "I will, and I know you will too," she said.
The mares split up. Twilight grabbed her saddlebags and headed directly to the train station.
On the train ride, Twilight Sparkle realized something obvious and troubling that neither she nor Starlight Glimmer had seriously considered.
What if Amethyst Sunset is right?
Twilight felt a sinking sensation deep inside her barrel as doubts began to fill her mind. Here she was, brazenly embarking on a daring journey into the unknown with a plethora of fascinating questions. If the colt was right, she would end up destroying something incredible that she didn't even understand yet. It could be the worst possible outcome for Equestria, worse than anything she could imagine—and Twilight had a very good imagination. Even being enslaved by Sombra might be better for Equestria than where she was headed.
"I don't know what Quifons is, but I do know it has something to do with the magic of friendship. Nothing else could be that beautiful," she whispered to herself, then shook her head to displace the mesmerizing image. This 'Quifons' thing was worth protecting, whatever it was.
Should I stop investigating?
It seemed unthinkable that Celestia's charge could know more about Twilight's destiny than Princess Celestia herself, the very alicorn who guided her to her own set of wings. Perhaps she should simply mare up, tell Celestia about all the forbidden knowledge she just tried to research, and trust her to know what to do. That was undoubtedly the wisest move.
Yet, destiny was a queer thing, not dissimilar from the closed timelike curves of time travel. You can't generally predict specifics, but what's going to happen is just going to happen whether or not you know about it. Once you do know, only the 'how' remains hidden. That's what 'destiny' means, after all. It's why sometimes it's actually better to not know your own destiny. Knowing can be a terrible prison.
If I talk to Princess Celestia, that might be the act that dooms us.
While technically possible, it wasn't a very convincing argument. Not investigating something forbidden by a pony as powerful and wise as Celestia was obviously the safer option. Talking to Princess Celestia was clearly the correct decision, and Twilight wasn't worried about being punished for something this minor. However, she was worried about having the answers she sought withheld from her, possibly for the rest of her life. You don't get to be centuries old like Celestia without developing the virtue of patience, and she wouldn't secretly forbid something without a very good reason.
Nonetheless, talking to Celestia was the proper choice, and Twilight knew this. There wasn't any question in her mind about what she should do. It just didn't matter.
For she also knew she couldn't stop. Unlike the Friendship Express she was presently riding, there were no brakes on the Twilight train. Not with knowledge at stake. Her rails were always headed toward the truth, even with Equestria in dire jeopardy. As she realized this, the young princess began to shed a few tears.
Twilight Sparkle was Twilight Sparkle, and that was that.
"Hello, Princess! You called for me?" asked Twilight. She slowed her pace to a walk as she approached her former mentor within a few hooves.
Princess Celestia smiled warmly down at her former student. "I heard you were visiting friends in Canterlot, so I figured the time was right. I have somepony very special for you to meet," she said, in a slow and unusually soft tone of voice. "Please say hello to my new personal student, Amethyst Sunset."
Twilight's eyes widened, and then she looked around the empty throne room. "Has she mastered invisibility magic already?" she joked.
Celestia laughed. "Not that I'm aware of, no. He is just a little shy." She craned her neck first behind her, then beneath her. "You can come out, Amethyst. Twilight's a good friend. She was my previous student."
A tiny little colt with a dusty rose coat and a short, messy mane of dark violet curls poked his head out from between Celestia's front legs. He stared up at her like a deer caught in a flashlight.
"Hello there Amethyst Sunset! My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm very pleased to meet you." Twilight reached out her hoof.
Amethyst shuddered as though somepony had pressed the reset button on his brain, then he slowly stepped out from beneath Celestia. His haunch was still blank, which came as no surprise given his age. "You're Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship," he said in a matter-of-fact voice, then extended a tiny hoof. "You were Princess Celestia's student too?"
"Yes! And it was a lot of fun. Lots of hard work, but very rewarding," said Twilight. She raised her gaze to meet Celestia's. "I think it's a great idea to take on a colt. He might not be able to reach apotheosis, but Star Swirl the Bearded was a great wizard and he was a stallion."
"Sunny—that's his preferred nickname—has incredible potential, Twilight. Perhaps even greater than Starlight Glimmer. We'll need to talk about it sometime. As for the far future? Just because something hasn't been done doesn't mean it can't be done. One never knows what destiny has in store," she said, staring directly into Sunny's eyes as she said the last sentence.
Twilight Sparkle recognized that Celestial behavior as a teaching. Sunny had a mildly sour expression on his face, and Twilight could feel tension hanging in the air.
"You know Sunny, I think I've seen you once before," said Twilight, trying to redirect the conversation. "Wait, I have—you're from Ponyville! You're Amethyst Star's foal, right?"
The colt nodded but kept his mouth shut.
"Your mother is an expert organizer. She used to do most of the organization before I came to Ponyville. I'm not surprised she had such a talented foal," she said, then looked up to Celestia. "You chose a colt and a Ponyville pony from the working class? That's really neat! I really hope it works out."
"I'm fairly certain it will. He's a fast learner," said Celestia. "Actually, do you mind taking him back to his quarters? He's with his mother in the guest room Rarity used last year."
Twilight Sparkle nodded and the two walked out into the castle hallway.
"Oh, I have so many questions!" said Twilight Sparkle, a silly grin slowly crossing her muzzle. "Um, I hope it's okay to ask you questions?"
Sunny nodded and smiled fakely.
"First and foremost, how did Princess Celestia discover your abilities?" said Twilight.
"Not s'poseda say," said the colt.
Twilight's cheeks burned from sheer interest. "Oh, I see. Um, that must be an amazing story, then..."
"Not really," said the colt, "but I'm not s'poseda say."
Twilight nodded and smiled sheepishly. "Right, right, sorry. Curiosity getting the better of me there."
Damn! 'Not amazing' somehow makes it even stranger, thought Twilight.
The pair of ponies exited the castle and walked toward the building holding Sunny's guest quarters. Cloudsdale had planned a thunderstorm for later today, and several pegasi were currently setting dark clouds into place.
"You're going to learn so much about magic!" Twilight bubbled.
"Not really," he said, with a shrug. "I already know what it is."
Twilight chuckled. "Of course. Although to be technically accurate, nopony really knows what magic is, which is why it's so difficult to study. Except we know that friendship is magic," she said. "I have a friend in town here named Moondancer. I should put her in touch with you. She's a mare my age, but she's very interested in magic. The one thing I wish I'd done when I was Celestia's student was to make some friends..."
The colt stopped on the sidewalk and stared into space.
"Um... Sunny? Do you see something?" asked Twilight. "We should probably get there before it rains."
"I can make an umber-ella," said Sunny. Twilight stared wide-eyed, and her lower jaw dropped enough to take an entire hayburger in one bite.
A foal this young making a shield? Intentionally? Wow. Celestia's right, she thought. The kid might even hold his own against her niece.
"Anyway I was just thinkin' I might be able to tell you, 'cause you're a princess. If you're like Celestia, I mean," he said, and resumed walking.
"Oh! Well, I don't think I'm half the princess that Celestia is, but I try to measure up to her as well as I can."
Twilight tried her best to hide the worried expression on her face. She suspected she didn't succeed, but it didn't seem to matter. The foal wasn't paying her face any attention, he only stared off into the distance.
"So... do you think I qualify?" said Twilight, the eagerness in her voice apparent as they walked up the steps to the building.
When they reached the doorway, Amethyst Sunset turned and looked at Twilight. First he looked at her neck, and then his head craned slowly upward to meet her gaze. "Well, I don't like you, but that isn't important. I gotta ask you a question first," he said.
"Oh... Y-yeah, go for it," said Twilight. She tried to smile as she felt her heart breaking. She was too afraid to ask him why.
Why in Equestria would a magically talented foal not like me?
The colt looked nervously left and right. "Do you remember Quifons?" he whispered.
Twilight paused in thought. "That sounds Lopin... oh, you mean 'qui fons'? That's Lopin for... well, a bunch of things. It can mean 'at any price', or 'something', or 'how', for just a few. It's very contextual, and I'm not sure what fons means. My Lopin is a little rusty."
"That's right, but I mean the place."
"I've never even heard of it, so I guess I've never been there," said Twilight, then pinched her lips tightly together, bracing for him to like her even less.
"You've been there. Long time ago," he said. He opened the door behind him with his magic without even looking at it.
"Where is this 'Quifons' place, Sunny?" asked Twilight, the uncertainty in her voice unmistakeable. Is this just the overactive imagination of a foal? Is he tormenting me because he doesn't like me?
"Guess it's just Celestia and Luna then," said Sunny, ignoring the question. "'Cause they're so old. I'm not s'posed to talk about it since you don't know." He sighed and drooped his head. "Figures. Celestia won't believe me about what's gonna happen."
Twilight ignored the last sentence, searching for something to say that might elevate her in the eyes of the gifted little foal. "Well, Celestia will probably tell me anyway, I mean, she's never hidden anything from me before," said Twilight, her voice cracking. "Okay, well, um... I suppose she has for my own good once or twice, b-but still, I'm sure if I question her directly—"
"Mom's not here yet, but you shouldn't come in," said the colt, stepping through the threshold and turning back again to face Twilight. "It don't matter if you remember it or if Celestia believes. You're gonna destroy it," he said. He frowned deeply, then slammed the door in her face.
The downpour began. Twilight stood in the rain for a minute or two, just staring at the door. She forgot to put up her umbrella, but at least it helped to mask her tears.
A knock sounded, and Zecora opened her door.
"You have to help me!" said Twilight Sparkle, shoving her way into Zecora's tiny house and grabbing her by the shoulders. Twilight's shaman friend stared her dead in the eye, and an invisible force that felt like magnetic repulsion pushed her hooves off.
"Although you forget pleasantries, your needs seem dire, so present these," said Zecora. She motioned Twilight to a stool as the door closed by itself.
"Right! Sorry, I..." her voice trailed off as she sat down, then she looked back to Zecora. "Zecora, have you ever heard of a place called Quifons?"
"Ah, that is the young ones' word! Truly, it is seldom heard as children hide it as a sneeze. They say it when they shoot the breeze. Quifons a place? I do not know. No foal will say. No foal will show. Zebra foals just sometimes will say 'quifons' to one another. They," said Zecora, taking a tiny pause, "must have the word within their genes. They forget long before their teens."
Twilight paused a moment to digest the meaning. "You're telling me that zebra foals sometimes make the sound 'quifons' to each other, when they converse?"
Zecora nodded.
"And it sounds like a sneeze, but it's a fake sneeze?"
Zecora nodded again.
"Zecora, I think pony foals might make the same sound, but this is the first time I've heard of it. How do you know it isn't a sneeze?"
Zecora smiled. "It is a fact that zebra kind host shamans, like me: those whose mind," she said, "is disciplined to notice when, what seems a reflex, hasn't been."
"And you have no idea whether or not it means anything?"
"Most utterances in the day, are between foals when they're at play. But beyond that? I cannot say."
"Have you tried asking them?"
"They just say 'imagination'. It seems Quifons is no nation."
"I need to find out," said Twilight, unconsciously rocking against the stool. "Can you take me back to my childhood? I'm sure I've never heard of Quifons before, but the evidence is starting to suggest otherwise that my certainty is misplaced."
Zecora nodded, and brewed a potion as Twilight patiently waited.
"Drink," she said, and Twilight did.
Twilight gasped loudly as her body reverted to her adult form. Eyes wide, she said "It's...!" as the memory faded from her. "Oh no. I forgot. I forgot everything that just happened. Zecora, what did I tell you when I was a filly? I mean just now as a filly, I obviously didn't know you way back when I was actually a filly."
"I asked you time and time again, but each request, no reply then," said Zecora.
"Horsecrap—er, sorry," said Twilight, blushing. Zecora chuckled and attended to a partly-completed potion as Twilight sat in thought.
"I know!" said Twilight. "Can you do the Answering Potion again? You know, the one we made together to beat the vines?"
"One step ahead of you I am. The potion needs but just one gram..." said Zecora, adding a pinch of a deep violet powder. The potion bubbled in the glass flask, turning a shade of purple Twilight had seen only once before.
"Excellent!" said Twilight, with a bright smile. "I can always count on you, Zecora."
"You must forgive my joking gripes, but please, don't waste time counting stripes," said Zecora, with a wink. She set the potion on a small table as Twilight giggled.
"This part, I know," said Twilight. She focused on the liquid in the flask, and began summoning the darker side of magic needed to unlock its true potential. She grunted as a black and violet ray shot out of her horn and into the liquid. It turned white in a flash. "I also remember that it only allows me to see the past experiences of ponies I'm close friends with. But I think Celestia's past might hold the answer."
"Focus on your question true, and take a sip of magic brew." Zecora poured a small amount of liquid into what appeared to be a shot glass. "Ingredients for it are rare. I find this way, the best to share."
Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath.
What is Quifons?
She tilted her head back, held the glass aloft, and downed the sip of viscous white liquid by sucking hard on the rim of the glass. Then Twilight slammed it down on the table, which rattled everything in the room.
She immediately grimaced, but not from the flavor. "I'm sorry Zecora! That's just how Applejack—"
Twilight Sparkle stood in a small, dimly lit room with a central table at which two alicorn sisters sat in silent contemplation. The only sources of light were the table and the magical runes covering every part of the walls, ceiling, and floor, both of which glowed an eerie aquamarine color. Twilight immediately recognized the table as the Cutie Map, but her attention was taken by force when she realised precisely where she was standing.
This was the fabled War Room of the Palace of the Two Sisters. From the legends Celestia had told her, this used to be the most anti-magically fortified site in all of Equestria—even stronger than the anti-magic throne of the Changeling Queendom. The room had been destroyed by massive stone structures falling upon it during Celestia's battle with Nightmare Moon, and even then it probably took an impossible amount of force to finally crack the structure. At least, that must have been how it happened. The War Room couldn't have been damaged by magic, because that was simply impossible.
At first it seemed equally impossible that Twilight could see this room at all, even through Celestia's memories. Even her memories of the room would be just as fortified against magic as the actual room, but Twilight quickly remembered that Zecora's potion worked using the magic of Friendship. That made all the difference.
Her attention turned to the Cutie Map, and she noticed something very odd. In addition to the Map there were two floating crescents of table on either side. They hovered slightly above it, extending the circle to an ellipse. One was labeled Tartarus. The the other was labeled Quifons. Tartarus looked just as one familiar with the dungeon realm would expect, but Quifons looked very unusual. It appeared as a swirling mist of colorful, sparkling energy. It was difficult to see well, because it was a very dim hologram backlit by an aquamarine glow obscuring the details.
Even so, it was the most beautiful image Twilight Sparkle had ever beheld.
"Dear Sister," Princess Luna finally spoke, "nothing in all of Reality can stand against the might of Friendship, not even Friendship itself." Then she clenched her lips tightly together.
"I understand, Luna," said Princess Celestia. "It's just a careful precaution."
"Quifons is in no danger, Celestia. No pony, no thing, could possibly mar it in any way! You are falling for the lies of that patchwork serpent," said Princess Luna, in a gruff tone of voice. "Nothing he says can be believed, not even when he admits he is lying."
"I agree, but when somepony as powerful as Discord says that under our leadership, Quifons will one day cease to be, we must at least take notice."
"He spoke from his multifarious hind end! It was a sad, desperate attempt to convince us Reality would be safer trampled beneath his hoof and claws," said Luna. "He knew we would swing the axe of Friendship eventually, and he was more fearful than he let on. Our leadership is not an issue. Although perhaps if one of us simply stepped down from the throne, then surely his prediction would not come to pass."
Celestia sighed, but otherwise retained her perfect poker face. "Obviously, the Demon of Chaos cannot be trusted, by very definition of what it is," she said. "Still, I worry. I think it is best to force those connected with it to hide the word."
"The Decision was already a terrible mistake. We still cannot relate to other stallions and mares, the saddeth thing is sometimes horrifying, and among the others, we alone can see Quifons directly," said Luna. "Not even Star Swirl the Bearded may gaze upon its truth!"
"He retains a small connection which helps to bear his magic. But yes, it's just you and I who may span both stations. Somepony must bear the burden, and it is logical for it to be us," said Celestia. "Now, we must make another difficult choice, and again there is only one sensible option. We need to move ahead with the new plan. Please, Luna."
"I hate sensibility. I hate the very fact that I have become able to act in a sensible manner, and that I rule this sensible Equestria! And I hate my ability to hate things." Luna snorted and lowered her head to the Map, her voice muffled between her forelegs. "How many areas of knowledge?"
"Only three. Star Swirl has been able to divine that with high certainty. We shall censor all study of astronomy beyond simple observation with visual telescopes, censor all study of the true nature of magic, and censor knowledge of the existence of nomenmancy altogether. These three combined should wall off Quifons from rediscovery," said Celestia. "We should also try to limit communication technology from developing, but there are other benefits there, obviously. And yes, as you know, we must remove the memories coinciding with Quifons from the others who have become."
"The censorship I have no quarrel with, and certainly not the limits on communication. Those are much less of a concern than The Decision was. However, we are deleting something beautiful from future souls, Sister. Are you most certain this is a path we can walk, and still live with ourselves?" Twilight felt Luna was making a good argument, but her words now carried a hollow ring to them. She sounded like a performer reading from a script she's read too many times before.
Celestia slowly nodded her head. "You and I have no choice but to live. However, it isn't quite as bad as you suggest. They will still retain fond memories of a sort, and the magic of friendship shall never leave them," she said. "And after each saddeth, there will be renewal and return, so it isn't like one loses the connection forever. But yes, once a pony has been converted, that pony must relinquish her or his past. It's the only way, Luna, and you know it." She paused for a moment. "I hate this too, Sister."
Princess Luna gritted her teeth and walked to the only exit, then tapped a bunch of runes in sequence with her horn. The door opened and she exited without another word.
The moment the door slammed shut, an exhausted Princess Celestia collapsed onto the hologram of Griffinstone and began crying into her legs.
Zecora stared into Twilight Sparkle's face with a look of concern. Twilight slowly realized the look on her muzzle was not a pleasant one. She covered her face with a hoof for a moment in order to compose herself.
"On what you've seen, I won't intrude, but hopefully it won't be rude if I may offer up a task: go to Celestia and ask."
"I can't. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to know any of this," said Twilight. Zecora closed her eyes and shook her head dismissively.
"I need to take the rest of the potion with me," added Twilight, lifting the potion with her magic. "I might need it again later."
Zecora lifted the shot glass. "Then please take this to safely measure, and drink for wisdom, not for pleasure," she said, glaring sternly at her friend.
"No problem there," said Twilight Sparkle. "I'm still having difficulty processing what I've seen. I don't want to use this stuff unless I have no other choice. I don't know if you've tried this, but it gets more disturbing with every sip."
Zecora nodded solemnly, and a sad-looking smile crossed her muzzle. "I tried just once from prev'ous batch. Never again I'll 'down the hatch'."
Twilight quickly left the hut with potion and glass in aura's tow.
As Starlight Glimmer listened to her former mentor's story, she stared in wide-eyed wonder.
"...and that's everything up until now," said Twilight Sparkle. She nervously triple-checked that she was holding the water glass before taking a drink.
"First off, I've never heard of this Quifons place either," said Starlight Glimmer, then her voice fell to a whisper. "But dear Sun above, Twilight! Do you realize what this means?" She stared into space as she spoke, her eyes scanning empty space like she was examining an invisible Cutie Map. "There's more to magic. I always suspected there might be logical reasons that explain what magic truly is and precisely where it comes from..."
"As have I, Starlight. But you and I have both studied magic to pieces, and all the books I've read say the same thing: magic is scientific, but its source is unknown and is widely believed to be mathematically impossible of comprehension," said Twilight.
"The books you've read."
"Yes."
"And Celestia said she was censoring research on magic."
"Yes..."
"Twilight, we can't trust books."
Twilight Sparkle froze in place. Her face made it look like her brain had snapped while she was staring at a cockatrice.
"It's okay, Twilight," said Starlight Glimmer, giving her friend a quick hug.
"I... I can't trust books?"
"Well, you can't trust anything, to be fair. Not even your own senses. I learned that a long time ago," said Starlight. "Although, I suppose you've taught me that you can trust your friends."
"How do you even read, Starlight?"
"Well, I assume sometimes things are wrong." She shrugged.
"Well, mistakes, yes! But intentional falsehoods? I can't believe Princess Celestia, of all ponies, would do something like this."
"Okay, then maybe it's the potion we shouldn't trust."
Twilight sighed. "I trust the potion. This is all too weird for my imagination to conjure up," she said. "Do you have any ideas on how to study magic in greater depth?"
"Only an inkling. I thought I knew everything there was to know about magic physics," said Starlight. "However, as you probably know, there's a museum in Manehattan with a History of Magic section."
"The device," said Twilight, slapping a hoof soundly against the table. "I know where you're going with this."
"Mana detection instruments fell out of vogue more than a millennium ago, as soon as ponies 'realized' that mana examination was inherently inaccurate. Like quantum physics, but worse," said Starlight.
"We could study the device and recreate it!. That's brilliant."
Starlight grinned sheepishly. "Well... I was actually thinking 'borrow'. Just for a short time, I mean, and replace it with a replica so nopony will know. It's not like it sees use. Rarity and Applejack should be able to make a flawless model if they work together."
Twilight Sparkle stared at her former protege while wearing a frown, then sighed. "Replace it with a replica? That means the curators won't know..." she said, and her voice faded out.
"That's the idea. I'm pretty sure we don't want anypony to know we're engaged in forbidden research, Twilight."
"This feels... wrong. Should we engage in forbidden research?"
Starlight Glimmer patiently waited for the wheels to turn.
"...okay. I can't help it either, I have to know, too," said Twilight, grimacing. "If I ever bring this up with Celestia I'll need a hole card, and knowing some of what I'm not supposed to know would be one buck of a card. Er, pardon my Prench."
Starlight blushed, then coughed. "Right. Anyway, I'll tell the others, and we'll get started."
"Actually... don't tell anypony but Rarity. See if she can make it by herself."
"Why?"
"You and she can go to Manehattan without raising suspicion, and then she can make the replica in the backroom of her shop."
"But why not tell the others, Twilight?"
"I don't want anypony tainted with this knowledge unless they need to be. I didn't even tell Zecora all the details. Rarity doesn't even need to know why we need the device, she just has to agree to keep it quiet," said Twilight. "That would limit this madness to Zecora, Moondancer in the near future, and the two of us."
"Don't forget Amethyst Sunset," said Starlight.
"Ouch. I did. Do you think I could coax it out of him?"
"It kind of sounded like he hates you for his prediction where you destroy a place whose tiny image on a crystal map fascinated you beyond anything you can remember."
"I'll never forget it now," whispered Twilight. "And you're right, he seriously does not like me. But we should talk to some fillies and colts here, locally."
"I'd rather do that in Manehattan while Rarity works. I have some great compulsion spells that should spill the beans quickly, but in case an angry parent sees me, I need to do it somewhere I can blend in and not be remembered."
Twilight Sparkle gasped. "Starlight!"
Starlight Glimmer patiently waited for the wheels to turn.
"...okay. But only for this. Are we clear?" said Twilight.
"Translucent. No, wait, I mean transparent. I know you understand the difference," she said, with a chuckle.
Twilight couldn't stifle a giggle of her own from emerging. It was rare for her to be able to dork out this much, and although Starlight carefully hid her eggheadedness, beneath a thin shell they weren't really that different. It was nice. It reminded her of another pony.
"Oh, that reminds me. I can go see Moondancer while you're doing the magic angle. I'll come back here once your... er... 'heist' is complete."
"I assume Moondancer is into astronomy as much as you are? I know all the basic stuff, but I've never owned a telescope one-quarter as large as the one you have."
"I'm an astronomy freak, because just like magic theory there's so much we don't understand about the sky and why it looks the way it does. She's the only pony I know of who might know more than I do. I have an even larger telescope there, too. Er, in Canterlot, I mean."
"Ah, so you probably won't be bringing her here," said Starlight, with a glum expression.
Twilight shook her head. "Later on, absolutely. I want you to be friends, and you've got a lot in common. But now is business."
"Agreed. Wasn't there something else you said about name magic?"
"That's obviously what nomenmancy means, but I don't have a clue what it is. Names come up all the time in magic, but you don't typically do magic with names. Maybe it's some kind of long distance cursing based on a pony's name," said Twilight. "It's useless to theorize when we haven't had time to brainstorm properly. Let's both think about it for a while."
"Sounds good. And, Twilight?"
"Yes?"
"Try not to destroy any amazing alternate dimensions of friendship and harmony," said Starlight Glimmer, with a grin.
Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, though. Be careful, okay? This thing is probably dangerous," she added. Her eyes were slightly watery.
Twilight embraced her friend in a tight hug. "I will, and I know you will too," she said.
The mares split up. Twilight grabbed her saddlebags and headed directly to the train station.
On the train ride, Twilight Sparkle realized something obvious and troubling that neither she nor Starlight Glimmer had seriously considered.
What if Amethyst Sunset is right?
Twilight felt a sinking sensation deep inside her barrel as doubts began to fill her mind. Here she was, brazenly embarking on a daring journey into the unknown with a plethora of fascinating questions. If the colt was right, she would end up destroying something incredible that she didn't even understand yet. It could be the worst possible outcome for Equestria, worse than anything she could imagine—and Twilight had a very good imagination. Even being enslaved by Sombra might be better for Equestria than where she was headed.
"I don't know what Quifons is, but I do know it has something to do with the magic of friendship. Nothing else could be that beautiful," she whispered to herself, then shook her head to displace the mesmerizing image. This 'Quifons' thing was worth protecting, whatever it was.
Should I stop investigating?
It seemed unthinkable that Celestia's charge could know more about Twilight's destiny than Princess Celestia herself, the very alicorn who guided her to her own set of wings. Perhaps she should simply mare up, tell Celestia about all the forbidden knowledge she just tried to research, and trust her to know what to do. That was undoubtedly the wisest move.
Yet, destiny was a queer thing, not dissimilar from the closed timelike curves of time travel. You can't generally predict specifics, but what's going to happen is just going to happen whether or not you know about it. Once you do know, only the 'how' remains hidden. That's what 'destiny' means, after all. It's why sometimes it's actually better to not know your own destiny. Knowing can be a terrible prison.
If I talk to Princess Celestia, that might be the act that dooms us.
While technically possible, it wasn't a very convincing argument. Not investigating something forbidden by a pony as powerful and wise as Celestia was obviously the safer option. Talking to Princess Celestia was clearly the correct decision, and Twilight wasn't worried about being punished for something this minor. However, she was worried about having the answers she sought withheld from her, possibly for the rest of her life. You don't get to be centuries old like Celestia without developing the virtue of patience, and she wouldn't secretly forbid something without a very good reason.
Nonetheless, talking to Celestia was the proper choice, and Twilight knew this. There wasn't any question in her mind about what she should do. It just didn't matter.
For she also knew she couldn't stop. Unlike the Friendship Express she was presently riding, there were no brakes on the Twilight train. Not with knowledge at stake. Her rails were always headed toward the truth, even with Equestria in dire jeopardy. As she realized this, the young princess began to shed a few tears.
Twilight Sparkle was Twilight Sparkle, and that was that.
Pics
Quifons, a silly place.
It's an interesting concept, a beautiful world that only the innocent children appear to be aware of.
It's an interesting concept, a beautiful world that only the innocent children appear to be aware of.
Huh. interesting idea, though the ending felt rather unsatisfying considering the sheer amount of build up to her on a train thinking. You've got the self-fulfilling prophecy problem, which is always a fun one, especially for a mind like Twilight's. We've got a return of Zecora's temporal memory spell (though it felt like some liberties were taken there). I was expecting more of a reaction to the fact that the dang cutie map has appeared before!
I'm not sure if this is meant to be self-contained or the beginning of a grand adventure. If it's the beginning, I'm interested (though some work needs to be done on Twilight's characterization and speech patterns). If it's self-contained... I just need a little more to get me there. As it stands, it's a good beginning to something potentially really cool.
I'm not sure if this is meant to be self-contained or the beginning of a grand adventure. If it's the beginning, I'm interested (though some work needs to be done on Twilight's characterization and speech patterns). If it's self-contained... I just need a little more to get me there. As it stands, it's a good beginning to something potentially really cool.
The biggest problem with this story is that it ends just as it's getting started, but I'm sure you're aware of that. Since you're about 3000 words short of the limit, I'm guessing that you just ran out of time.
While the "Twilight tries to find out about something Celestia is hiding from her" and "Twilight ruins everything because she won't leave well enough alone" cliches are hardly new, they're not as overdone as something like "Alicorn is sad because immortality," and this story was interesting enough to keep me engaged the whole way through.
I was glad to see you address the "Why don't you just go talk to Celestia?" and "You know this is a terrible idea, why are you still doing this?" problems that most stories like this seem to ignore or provide unsatisfying answers to. While I still found myself saying "Come on, Twilight, you know this can't end well," I do think her actions were justified and in-character.
I also enjoyed seeing Twilight bring in Starlight and Moondancer to help her. Why write a story about Twilight being Twilight when you can write a story about three Twilights being Twilight? All you need now is a way to add Sunset and SciTwi. Oh, and Zecora is always a nice touch too.
The one thing I would change about all that is that it seems a bit odd that Starlight and Moondancer don't know each other yet. I may have been mistaken about this, but I was under the impression that this story takes place a few years into the future, so they should have had plenty of time to meet, especially since you have Twilight say that she wants them to meet. And that line was basically a throwaway, so there's no reason you couldn't change it, unless you were setting up for a scene later on where they do meet for the first time. Either way, I recommend you adjust that line a bit or make the timeframe of this story a bit more clear. But of course, this is really just a nitpick.
Like I said at the beginning, the biggest problem with this story is that it's missing its second half. Once you write that part, I'm sure it will be a great story. And while this didn't end up being my favorite of the three stories based on my picture, it was a very close second.
And as a final note, because the nonsense word "Quifons" is so important to this story, I was honestly expecting it to end by somehow working "Quifons" into a feghoot. And I must admit that I was slightly disappointed that it didn't.
That's it? Err, I mean, you've built up something huge and it ends just like that without really resolving anything, and that was quite anticlimatic. It won't score very high for me because of this, I judge entries during the rounds as stand-alones. However, the beginning you have is really great. You have connected a lot of things together, making reappear some characters and concept from the show, things we haven't seen for a while. I've been engaged the whole time and it made it worse to see it ending so suddenly.
I'm alsot certain you lacked time to properly resolve this. So please, expand from this start and you'll surely end with something magical, because I want to know what happens next.
As a nitpick,
First part is a good addition to what you've explained earlier, the place being magic-proof. However, how can Zecora's poition be made of the magic of Friendship? I mean, we do see Twilight (both in the show and in this story) using some kind of dark magic.
Thank you for sharing.
PS: >>The_Letter_J
Do you really want >>bloons3 to write a sequel? You'll have to leave with the consequences. :p
I'm alsot certain you lacked time to properly resolve this. So please, expand from this start and you'll surely end with something magical, because I want to know what happens next.
As a nitpick,
Even her memories of the room would be just as fortified against magic as the actual room, but Twilight quickly remembered that Zecora's potion worked using the magic of Friendship. That made all the difference.
First part is a good addition to what you've explained earlier, the place being magic-proof. However, how can Zecora's poition be made of the magic of Friendship? I mean, we do see Twilight (both in the show and in this story) using some kind of dark magic.
Thank you for sharing.
PS: >>The_Letter_J
Why write a story about Twilight being Twilight when you can write a story about three Twilights being Twilight?
Do you really want >>bloons3 to write a sequel? You'll have to leave with the consequences. :p
Okay, so let me start by saying this really hooked me in by the 2/3 mark, and I was genuinely curious, but... then it just stops. I get this could be "chapter 1" of something more, but... the challenge of a short story contest is to write a short story, not an intro to a novel, so it's not gonna rank high for me because of that. That said, I'd still like to give my reactions to what is here:
Right at the start, something felt off about Twilight's attitude toward Sunny and it kinda put a bad taste in my mouth. First, assuming the "she" thing was fine, and slightly amusing when Celestia corrects her that Sunny is a colt. But then it becomes weirdly specifc misandry in just assuming "He might not be able to reach apotheosis" and saying so right in front of the colt. And then classism too? "You chose a colt and a Ponyville pony from the working class?" This feels weird and wrong coming from Twilight, especially this older, now-well-learned Twilight. Suggesting Moondancer as a "friend" for him is also weird. She's far older than this colt.
There's a lot of strangely italicized or capitalized words: "become," "saddeth," "The Decision," etc. A few add mystery, but piling them on in rapid succession is a bit confusing, especially when none of them are explained at all through the rest of the piece.
"We can't trust books" was an amusing bit of comic relief. Having Twilight react as she does though felt unrealistic again. She's seriously never found a book with "intentional falsehoods" in it before?
"It's useless to theorize when we haven't had time to brainstorm" Umm... aren't those kind of the same thing?
Overall, the basic premise, of a "source" or "fountain" where souls (and possibly) magic come from or cycle through is a pretty common mythos, but not one I've seen much explored in Pony, so I really wanted to see what the answers were. The other stuff the Sisters talked about, of restricting communication, blocking specific knowledge fields, etc... I wanted to see how that all tied together, but it just doesn't in the length of this piece, so instead of enjoying a story, I'm instead frustrated by "cliffhangers" that may never be resolved.
Right at the start, something felt off about Twilight's attitude toward Sunny and it kinda put a bad taste in my mouth. First, assuming the "she" thing was fine, and slightly amusing when Celestia corrects her that Sunny is a colt. But then it becomes weirdly specifc misandry in just assuming "He might not be able to reach apotheosis" and saying so right in front of the colt. And then classism too? "You chose a colt and a Ponyville pony from the working class?" This feels weird and wrong coming from Twilight, especially this older, now-well-learned Twilight. Suggesting Moondancer as a "friend" for him is also weird. She's far older than this colt.
There's a lot of strangely italicized or capitalized words: "become," "saddeth," "The Decision," etc. A few add mystery, but piling them on in rapid succession is a bit confusing, especially when none of them are explained at all through the rest of the piece.
"We can't trust books" was an amusing bit of comic relief. Having Twilight react as she does though felt unrealistic again. She's seriously never found a book with "intentional falsehoods" in it before?
"It's useless to theorize when we haven't had time to brainstorm" Umm... aren't those kind of the same thing?
Overall, the basic premise, of a "source" or "fountain" where souls (and possibly) magic come from or cycle through is a pretty common mythos, but not one I've seen much explored in Pony, so I really wanted to see what the answers were. The other stuff the Sisters talked about, of restricting communication, blocking specific knowledge fields, etc... I wanted to see how that all tied together, but it just doesn't in the length of this piece, so instead of enjoying a story, I'm instead frustrated by "cliffhangers" that may never be resolved.
I'm... struggling a bit to cogently sum up my thoughts on this one, so for now, please consider me as echoing >>Xepher.
Other comments have already pointed out the abrupt ending and lack of resolution at length, I agree, etc etc etc. A couple of unique things that stood out to me, though:
- Practically every sentence in the piece shares the same structure: "Subject verbed object." Check out the first paragraph:
A scintillating cascade of color and light filtered in through the windows of the vaulted room.
Twilight Sparkle discourteously trotted through an abstract, colorful shadow of herself.
The image that briefly refracted upon her hooves illustrated one of the many times she and her companions had saved Equestria through the magic of friendship.
This keeps up throughout the piece, and the lack of change or structural complexity makes the prose feel much more boring than it ought to be. Watch out for this while writing, and try to branch out and vary your forms a little more! Like many technical aspects, this will come more easily with practice.
- An effective story shows rather than tells, and breaking style to directly narrate at the reader is about as telly as can be. The last several paragraphs are particularly troublesome here. Not only do they tell rather than show, they're telling the reader what value judgments they ought to make. That's dangerous ground, and often a surefire way to lose the attention of any reader who doesn't already agree with the conclusions presented.
There are some lofty goals here, though. Thank you for writing, author, you clearly gave this a lot of effort! Keep at it!
- Practically every sentence in the piece shares the same structure: "Subject verbed object." Check out the first paragraph:
A scintillating cascade of color and light filtered in through the windows of the vaulted room.
Twilight Sparkle discourteously trotted through an abstract, colorful shadow of herself.
The image that briefly refracted upon her hooves illustrated one of the many times she and her companions had saved Equestria through the magic of friendship.
This keeps up throughout the piece, and the lack of change or structural complexity makes the prose feel much more boring than it ought to be. Watch out for this while writing, and try to branch out and vary your forms a little more! Like many technical aspects, this will come more easily with practice.
- An effective story shows rather than tells, and breaking style to directly narrate at the reader is about as telly as can be. The last several paragraphs are particularly troublesome here. Not only do they tell rather than show, they're telling the reader what value judgments they ought to make. That's dangerous ground, and often a surefire way to lose the attention of any reader who doesn't already agree with the conclusions presented.
There are some lofty goals here, though. Thank you for writing, author, you clearly gave this a lot of effort! Keep at it!
>>Ranmilia I'm no linguist, and I barely qualify as a grammarian, but I think you mean "subject verbed object." "Object verbed subject" suggests a much different linguistic construction that I don't see reflected in the examples you gave.
Or maybe I'm just playing pedantic semantics. :pinkiecrazy:
Or maybe I'm just playing pedantic semantics. :pinkiecrazy:
(Sorry I've been so useless this round, guys. I have literally been unable to finish reading any of the stories, and obviously I wasn't able to completely finish the story I wrote, either. I'll make up for it next pony round.) :fluttershysad:
No Brakes Irreversible
This is going to be an exciting long story, maybe even a novella. I plan to post the first two chapters Monday night, and a new chapter every week thereafter until it concludes. If you're intrigued, you'll probably enjoy where it's headed (and maybe even if you're not intrigued). Tags will be Adventure, Mystery, and Tragedy. (Gasp! Trixie can write stories without the Dark tag!) :derpytongue2:
As most of you noticed, the ending is tacked on (the title was arbitrary to support it). Obviously developing a mythos then never using it is not a good thing to do to my readers. I stopped short for a number of reasons:
* Oops time to stop writing now derp derp derp
* I thought I had 6,000 words to work with instead of 8,000 because my brain has the dumb
* Even if I'd known I had 8,000, unlike TPoaS, I can't do this one justice in a space that small
* The random idea the prompt gave me is something I want to develop much further
* I don't want to reveal what happens to any of you potential readers! :raritywink:
One last reason was that I care much more about receiving feedback than winning the contest. I was torn between crap ending and no ending, and I probably should have gone with no ending and just included an author's note that I could not finish this in the space allotted but will develop it later on FF.
My sincere thanks to everypony who commented, for whom I don't reply to individually below:
>>bloons3 >>Novel_Idea >>The_Letter_J >>Novel_Idea >>AndrewRogue >>Posh
Now come the specific responses.
>>Xepher
Thank you for realizing that my story was intentionally cut short because it would have been longer than the contest could allow! Your feedback on less obvious problems was incredibly useful. The only thing I'm not sure I agree with is brainstorming vs. theorizing. Those are actually very different things. Brainstorming is the task of throwing as many somewhat-relevant ideas onto the drawing board as possible, without scrutinizing them in any way. This gives you a space of ideas to start working within, and it helps you to think outside the box. Theorizing is attempting to construct a consistent model that explains how something works, though I probably should have said hypothesizing, which is coming up with testable explanations that can be part of a theory. Twilight is saying that it's useless to start proposing possible solutions when they haven't had time to think about the full range of possibilities.
>>Fenton
I don't think the potion working based on friendship is a difficult sell, though I might be wrong. That part of the story would explain why Celestia's memories are what Twilight was able to observe (in the show). The fact that the potion is a mixture of earth magic and dark alicorn magic shouldn't preclude how it functions. Zecora's magic sometimes functions on abstract principles in the show, like the curative flower for the cutie pox requiring Apple Bloom to tell the truth. But let me know if you still think this is unrealistic.
>>Ranmilia
I appreciate the feedback, but I'm slightly confused by it. Outside of dialogue, English has two voices: active (subject-verb or subject-verb-object) or passive (object verbed by subject). Using passive voice (like "the chair was sat upon by the pony") is usually considered bad form, so most writers use it very sparingly. So I'm not entirely sure what you're suggesting I change. Show vs. tell is always something to work on, and I totes agree the tacked-on ending is telly. It's not necessarily bad to show Twilight's value judgments in third-pony limited perspective, but in the ending I slipped mentally into first-pony from Twilight's view without realizing it and it turned into the author breaking the fourth. Reminding me of this is appreciated.
Thanks again for the feedback, everypony! :twilightsmile:
This is going to be an exciting long story, maybe even a novella. I plan to post the first two chapters Monday night, and a new chapter every week thereafter until it concludes. If you're intrigued, you'll probably enjoy where it's headed (and maybe even if you're not intrigued). Tags will be Adventure, Mystery, and Tragedy. (Gasp! Trixie can write stories without the Dark tag!) :derpytongue2:
As most of you noticed, the ending is tacked on (the title was arbitrary to support it). Obviously developing a mythos then never using it is not a good thing to do to my readers. I stopped short for a number of reasons:
* Oops time to stop writing now derp derp derp
* I thought I had 6,000 words to work with instead of 8,000 because my brain has the dumb
* Even if I'd known I had 8,000, unlike TPoaS, I can't do this one justice in a space that small
* The random idea the prompt gave me is something I want to develop much further
* I don't want to reveal what happens to any of you potential readers! :raritywink:
One last reason was that I care much more about receiving feedback than winning the contest. I was torn between crap ending and no ending, and I probably should have gone with no ending and just included an author's note that I could not finish this in the space allotted but will develop it later on FF.
My sincere thanks to everypony who commented, for whom I don't reply to individually below:
>>bloons3 >>Novel_Idea >>The_Letter_J >>Novel_Idea >>AndrewRogue >>Posh
Now come the specific responses.
>>Xepher
Thank you for realizing that my story was intentionally cut short because it would have been longer than the contest could allow! Your feedback on less obvious problems was incredibly useful. The only thing I'm not sure I agree with is brainstorming vs. theorizing. Those are actually very different things. Brainstorming is the task of throwing as many somewhat-relevant ideas onto the drawing board as possible, without scrutinizing them in any way. This gives you a space of ideas to start working within, and it helps you to think outside the box. Theorizing is attempting to construct a consistent model that explains how something works, though I probably should have said hypothesizing, which is coming up with testable explanations that can be part of a theory. Twilight is saying that it's useless to start proposing possible solutions when they haven't had time to think about the full range of possibilities.
>>Fenton
I don't think the potion working based on friendship is a difficult sell, though I might be wrong. That part of the story would explain why Celestia's memories are what Twilight was able to observe (in the show). The fact that the potion is a mixture of earth magic and dark alicorn magic shouldn't preclude how it functions. Zecora's magic sometimes functions on abstract principles in the show, like the curative flower for the cutie pox requiring Apple Bloom to tell the truth. But let me know if you still think this is unrealistic.
>>Ranmilia
I appreciate the feedback, but I'm slightly confused by it. Outside of dialogue, English has two voices: active (subject-verb or subject-verb-object) or passive (object verbed by subject). Using passive voice (like "the chair was sat upon by the pony") is usually considered bad form, so most writers use it very sparingly. So I'm not entirely sure what you're suggesting I change. Show vs. tell is always something to work on, and I totes agree the tacked-on ending is telly. It's not necessarily bad to show Twilight's value judgments in third-pony limited perspective, but in the ending I slipped mentally into first-pony from Twilight's view without realizing it and it turned into the author breaking the fourth. Reminding me of this is appreciated.
Thanks again for the feedback, everypony! :twilightsmile:
>>Trick_Question
It was a bit obvious that you didn't have the time to finish this, but like I said, what you already have here is great, and I can't wait to see it expanded on FimFic (And voilà, another follower :D)
I think you can keep the idea of the potion based on Friendship magic. However, I think it needs to be detailed a bit more. I don't know how you picture it, but from the story and what you said, I feel that the trigger for the potion to work is dark magic, but the memories the drinker is able to see is based on Friendship, like you can't see memories of people you aren't friend with, and/or you can't see memories of events that aren't deeply connected with Friendship.
That being said, it wasn't that hard to sell for me, it's just that it lacked some details for me so that I could fully grasp how it worked, and it is definitely not something that "destroys" your whole story. It was just a little nitpick.
It was a bit obvious that you didn't have the time to finish this, but like I said, what you already have here is great, and I can't wait to see it expanded on FimFic (And voilà, another follower :D)
I don't think the potion working based on friendship is a difficult sell, though I might be wrong. That part of the story would explain why Celestia's memories are what Twilight was able to observe (in the show). The fact that the potion is a mixture of earth magic and dark alicorn magic shouldn't preclude how it functions. Zecora's magic sometimes functions on abstract principles in the show, like the curative flower for the cutie pox requiring Apple Bloom to tell the truth. But let me know if you still think this is unrealistic.
I think you can keep the idea of the potion based on Friendship magic. However, I think it needs to be detailed a bit more. I don't know how you picture it, but from the story and what you said, I feel that the trigger for the potion to work is dark magic, but the memories the drinker is able to see is based on Friendship, like you can't see memories of people you aren't friend with, and/or you can't see memories of events that aren't deeply connected with Friendship.
That being said, it wasn't that hard to sell for me, it's just that it lacked some details for me so that I could fully grasp how it worked, and it is definitely not something that "destroys" your whole story. It was just a little nitpick.
>>Ranmilia
>>Trick_Question
After thinking on this some more, I'm pretty sure I understand what you were getting at now. Thanks for the useful feedback!
>>Trick_Question
After thinking on this some more, I'm pretty sure I understand what you were getting at now. Thanks for the useful feedback!