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Whiteout · Poetry Minific ·
Organised by Anon Y Mous
Word limit 50–1000

Original fiction.

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Queen of the North
The contents of this story are no longer available
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#1 · 1
· · >>Baal Bunny
I'm a tad fuzzy on what's happened. Was she married to the first guy? I have to think not, since there was no mention made of why she could remarry. As a story, I like it, but as a romance, there's not a lot to hold onto. It seems like she comes to the realization she liked the first guy best, but then we're not given any reason why she actually liked him, beyond "he was better than Ethelbert," which isn't saying much. Ethelbert I at least understand. He plays a pretty standard role, but he does so effectively, at first seeming in earnest, but then only being interested in her for what he could take from her.

As a result, I appreciate this more from a construction perspective than a story one. The form is very tight. I only saw one minor hiccup in the meter:
im-POSS-I-ble, as I'd say it in normal speech, versus im-POSS-i-BLE. That's easy to gloss over, and I had to read it slowly to find even that one, so the form is well done.

First one I've read, so I don't have a comparison yet, but this is a good bar to set on the quality front.
#2 ·
· · >>Baal Bunny
I like the narrative arc here and the overall pacing of this one. Admittedly, it did take me two or three reads before I think I could understand the story the way you intended, but once I did, it made the experience that much more enjoyable. The beat and rhyme is on-point, and overall this just feels really good.

I think the biggest nitpicks I can bring up about this one are that firstly, as I mentioned earlier, it's a little hard to get an understanding of what's going on, especially on the first read. And secondly, the general hook of this one feels a little undefined; there's not much that immediately grabs interest or attention, at least to me. I think these two things might be playing into each other to some extent as well, since I definitely had more fun once I knew where things were going.

So overall, while I really can't criticize your poetic structure and flow, I think that in regards to the storytelling aspects, there could be room to make the plot feel more tangible. Still, this is definitely one of the entries this round that I ended up enjoying the most.

Thanks for poem-ing!
#3 · 1
· · >>Baal Bunny
My metric heart beats solidly
(As Amherst Belle's once did)
To fast and firmly nail a tale
Twixt Ego and the Id.

In pushing past my mortal woes
Eschewing lover's trust,
I reach the valley which one sees
When eyes have turned to dust.
#4 · 1
·
>>Pascoite
>>Bachiavellian
>>GroaningGreyAgony

Thanks for the comments, folks:

And congrats to our medalists! For me, the prompt instantly popped Robert W. Service into my head, the guy who wrote such classic poems of the Frozen North as "The Cremation of Sam McGhee" and "The Spell of the Yukon." So I thought I'd try my hand at that.

Again, I think this has the bones of something in it, but it'll take a couple or three revisions to get it all put together.

Mike