Hey! It looks like you're new here. You might want to check out the introduction.
Show rules for this event
Special Handling Required
Parcel Post sat on his small stool and sighed. He glanced at the clock while fishing a small hooftowel out of his pocket to wipe his brow. "Yeesh, and it's only ten-thirty?"
The morning rush had been particularly busy, even for a Saturday. In addition to the usual hoof traffic, four over-sized shipments were dropped off without proper paperwork attached, the new Canterlot resident directories needed to be distributed to the carriers before they began their afternoon routes, and a buckball team dropped by for passport applications - without appointments of course.
But he and his team handled every customer with the same efficiency that had come to define the downtown Canterlot branch of the Equestrian Postal Service. Three generations of the Post family had served Equestria's mail needs, and Parcel wasn't about to tarnish their good name. He had experience, talent, and most importantly, patience. Parcel Post was ready for anything that came through that door.
The bell above the door chimed, signaling a new arrival, and Parcel looked up.
Well, almost anything.
"P-Princess Luna?"
Parcel nearly fell trying to stand up and bow at the same time. "Um, wow. Yes! Uh, w-what can I do for you, your Highness?"
"Call me Luna, please," she replied, stepping up to the counter and smiling. "Princess if you must."
"Yes, Lu-- I mean Princess. Um, I'm sorry, pardon me." Parcel took a deep breath then, adjusted his cap, and re-focused on the task. His reputation - and that of his entire branch - was now on the line.
"Alright, how may I help, Princess?"
Luna's ears perked up. "I would like to know how much it would cost to ship me."
Parcel's focus evaporated in an instant. "Th-- Wh--"
"I'm sorry, is something the matter, mister--" Luna focused on his name tag, "Parcel?"
That shocked him back into gear. "Y-Yes! I mean, no! No problem at all! Just, you know, wow! Never had a princess in here before. Haha!" Parcel put on his best 'everything is calm' smile.
"So..." he continued, "pardon my asking, Princess, but do you mean that you'd like sail somewhere? If so, there's a very good travel agency--"
"Neigh, Parcel. This has nothing to do with the royal yacht," she replied. Luna shifted back on her hooves a bit. "Perhaps, I was not clear myself." She glanced toward the door briefly, as if scanning for the presence of others.
"You see, a few days ago at breakfast, I overheard some of the staff discussing shipping. They seemed very interested in the subject, and many creatures' names were bandied about as 'shipping material', to borrow their words. I inquired about this with my sister, and she seemed unfazed. She claimed that ponies 'ship' all the time, sometimes at great distances. And, having recently discovered the full magic of a post office, I know shipping is what you do best."
Luna sat and rested a hoof on the counter. "So I ask again, how do I go about shipping myself?"
Parcel's cheeks had become as red as the FRAGILE stamp on his desk.
"Princess, I, um..." Parcel scrambled to find the right words, "We really don't do that kind of shipping here."
Luna flinched in surprise. "What? You don't?" She stood up and pointed at the sign hanging above the counter that advertised various shipping services. "The sign says that you do."
"Y-yes, but--" Parcel sighed. "Yes, we do ship things. But not ponies. Ponies ship themselves."
"Ah! So self-service then!" Luna clapped her hooves. "Which form do I complete first then? Hoof me a pen if you don't mind."
"Wait, no!" Parcel's patience was wearing thin now. "No, Princess. I-I'm sorry, but that's not it either. When a pony wants to ship, they have to, you know, let others know that they want to ship." Parcel swallowed hard, wishing that Princess Cadance could pop in and save him from this conversation. "Well, not everypony, but one or two that catch their interest. Package can't get anywhere if no one asks for it, you know."
Luna thought on this for a moment, then smiled broadly. "Huzzah! Now we understand!" Luna grabbed Parcel's hoof and shook it - and him - vigorously before bolting out the door.
Moments later she skidded to a halt in the middle of a roundabout before hovering up to stand atop a stone bench.
"Good day, citizens! Your Princess wishes to be shipped! Who here can assist me with this task?"
The morning rush had been particularly busy, even for a Saturday. In addition to the usual hoof traffic, four over-sized shipments were dropped off without proper paperwork attached, the new Canterlot resident directories needed to be distributed to the carriers before they began their afternoon routes, and a buckball team dropped by for passport applications - without appointments of course.
But he and his team handled every customer with the same efficiency that had come to define the downtown Canterlot branch of the Equestrian Postal Service. Three generations of the Post family had served Equestria's mail needs, and Parcel wasn't about to tarnish their good name. He had experience, talent, and most importantly, patience. Parcel Post was ready for anything that came through that door.
The bell above the door chimed, signaling a new arrival, and Parcel looked up.
Well, almost anything.
"P-Princess Luna?"
Parcel nearly fell trying to stand up and bow at the same time. "Um, wow. Yes! Uh, w-what can I do for you, your Highness?"
"Call me Luna, please," she replied, stepping up to the counter and smiling. "Princess if you must."
"Yes, Lu-- I mean Princess. Um, I'm sorry, pardon me." Parcel took a deep breath then, adjusted his cap, and re-focused on the task. His reputation - and that of his entire branch - was now on the line.
"Alright, how may I help, Princess?"
Luna's ears perked up. "I would like to know how much it would cost to ship me."
Parcel's focus evaporated in an instant. "Th-- Wh--"
"I'm sorry, is something the matter, mister--" Luna focused on his name tag, "Parcel?"
That shocked him back into gear. "Y-Yes! I mean, no! No problem at all! Just, you know, wow! Never had a princess in here before. Haha!" Parcel put on his best 'everything is calm' smile.
"So..." he continued, "pardon my asking, Princess, but do you mean that you'd like sail somewhere? If so, there's a very good travel agency--"
"Neigh, Parcel. This has nothing to do with the royal yacht," she replied. Luna shifted back on her hooves a bit. "Perhaps, I was not clear myself." She glanced toward the door briefly, as if scanning for the presence of others.
"You see, a few days ago at breakfast, I overheard some of the staff discussing shipping. They seemed very interested in the subject, and many creatures' names were bandied about as 'shipping material', to borrow their words. I inquired about this with my sister, and she seemed unfazed. She claimed that ponies 'ship' all the time, sometimes at great distances. And, having recently discovered the full magic of a post office, I know shipping is what you do best."
Luna sat and rested a hoof on the counter. "So I ask again, how do I go about shipping myself?"
Parcel's cheeks had become as red as the FRAGILE stamp on his desk.
"Princess, I, um..." Parcel scrambled to find the right words, "We really don't do that kind of shipping here."
Luna flinched in surprise. "What? You don't?" She stood up and pointed at the sign hanging above the counter that advertised various shipping services. "The sign says that you do."
"Y-yes, but--" Parcel sighed. "Yes, we do ship things. But not ponies. Ponies ship themselves."
"Ah! So self-service then!" Luna clapped her hooves. "Which form do I complete first then? Hoof me a pen if you don't mind."
"Wait, no!" Parcel's patience was wearing thin now. "No, Princess. I-I'm sorry, but that's not it either. When a pony wants to ship, they have to, you know, let others know that they want to ship." Parcel swallowed hard, wishing that Princess Cadance could pop in and save him from this conversation. "Well, not everypony, but one or two that catch their interest. Package can't get anywhere if no one asks for it, you know."
Luna thought on this for a moment, then smiled broadly. "Huzzah! Now we understand!" Luna grabbed Parcel's hoof and shook it - and him - vigorously before bolting out the door.
Moments later she skidded to a halt in the middle of a roundabout before hovering up to stand atop a stone bench.
"Good day, citizens! Your Princess wishes to be shipped! Who here can assist me with this task?"
This is super cozy and fun, and it was one of the breeziest reads for me this round. It might feel a little harmless in its simplicity, but that's definitely also its strength.
Now, to be honest, this piece does feel a lot shorter than its 746 words to me. I actually had to check the gallery for the wordcount, because I was almost sure that this was only about 550-600 words, and I was going to ask you why you decided not to spend all of your wordcount.
I think what kind of contributes to this feeling are the first three paragraphs. I'm honestly not sure if you really needed them, since the story actually starts when Luna walks into the store. It was easy for me to kind of breeze through them while waiting for things to happen, and as a result, I think they ended up just not contributing all that much to my perception of the story.
As for the rest, most of the jokes landed in that comfortable middle ground between amusement and outright humor for me. It was enough to keep me entertained and reading, but as I said in the beginning, this whole story kind of struck me as a low-risk strong-execution deal. The cadence of the humor felt familiar (Luna not understanding modern things), which both benefits and kind of limits this piece.
Overall though, this was definitely an entertaining read, so thank you very much for writing it!
Now, to be honest, this piece does feel a lot shorter than its 746 words to me. I actually had to check the gallery for the wordcount, because I was almost sure that this was only about 550-600 words, and I was going to ask you why you decided not to spend all of your wordcount.
I think what kind of contributes to this feeling are the first three paragraphs. I'm honestly not sure if you really needed them, since the story actually starts when Luna walks into the store. It was easy for me to kind of breeze through them while waiting for things to happen, and as a result, I think they ended up just not contributing all that much to my perception of the story.
As for the rest, most of the jokes landed in that comfortable middle ground between amusement and outright humor for me. It was enough to keep me entertained and reading, but as I said in the beginning, this whole story kind of struck me as a low-risk strong-execution deal. The cadence of the humor felt familiar (Luna not understanding modern things), which both benefits and kind of limits this piece.
Overall though, this was definitely an entertaining read, so thank you very much for writing it!
A story so classic that it's probably been written before.
Something I liked:
As predictable as this entry is, it works. Parcel's perspective works. Luna's characterization works. The prose works. The misunderstanding shenanigans work. The final line really works. I'm sure that this entry was written by a veteran who wanted to write something that everyone's read before, but done in a very serviceable fashion. I remember when Luna acted just like this in the show, even though she really doesn't anymore. I can see how she would misunderstand what other ponies are saying. I like how the meta shit in this isn't as in-your-face as some other entries. It's a pleasant read.
Something I didn't like:
With that said, had this not had a killer final line, it'd be an easy mid-tier spot for me. Pretty much everything is executed well, but not exceptionally so. I can tell that this was written by someone who knows what they're doing, but I'm not sure what they're trying to say with it, if anything. It's one of those entries where you know you like it, but you might also confuse with a different but very similar story. I enjoyed it, but I doubt it'll stick with me, which is what separates it from my favorite entries from this round.
Verdict: Call it a throwback, or unoriginal, or what have you, but this is a solid read.
Something I liked:
As predictable as this entry is, it works. Parcel's perspective works. Luna's characterization works. The prose works. The misunderstanding shenanigans work. The final line really works. I'm sure that this entry was written by a veteran who wanted to write something that everyone's read before, but done in a very serviceable fashion. I remember when Luna acted just like this in the show, even though she really doesn't anymore. I can see how she would misunderstand what other ponies are saying. I like how the meta shit in this isn't as in-your-face as some other entries. It's a pleasant read.
Something I didn't like:
With that said, had this not had a killer final line, it'd be an easy mid-tier spot for me. Pretty much everything is executed well, but not exceptionally so. I can tell that this was written by someone who knows what they're doing, but I'm not sure what they're trying to say with it, if anything. It's one of those entries where you know you like it, but you might also confuse with a different but very similar story. I enjoyed it, but I doubt it'll stick with me, which is what separates it from my favorite entries from this round.
Verdict: Call it a throwback, or unoriginal, or what have you, but this is a solid read.
This was highly amusing. I liked how well the story flowed (it really felt much shorter than it actually was), and the more quirky and unconventional actions (blushing as red as the stamp, Luna shaking him, etc. Those were perfect). The prose was pretty much top-notch.
I'm going to echo Bachiavellian's comment, however. I think you could make the story funnier or "punchier" by shortening the beginning. It's not bad; it does a good job at introducing the protagonist, making him compelling, and showing us the setting, but I think it could be more brief, or should have the conflict come in earlier.
Also, though I doubt it was your intention, I got the impression that Celestia is low-key trolling her sister here by not going into specifics of shipping, which I find endlessly amusing.
Thank you for writing this. You're awesome.
I'm going to echo Bachiavellian's comment, however. I think you could make the story funnier or "punchier" by shortening the beginning. It's not bad; it does a good job at introducing the protagonist, making him compelling, and showing us the setting, but I think it could be more brief, or should have the conflict come in earlier.
Also, though I doubt it was your intention, I got the impression that Celestia is low-key trolling her sister here by not going into specifics of shipping, which I find endlessly amusing.
Thank you for writing this. You're awesome.
This is some cute Luna naivete, which is a well I have tapped myself on more than one occasion. It doesn't quite reach giggle territory for me, though.
I think the main disconnect I'm having is that it isn't at all clear to me what Luna thinks shipping is. She's obviously confused, but without knowing what she's thinking, so am I. She clearly doesn't think it means actual package shipping, but the story suggests she might because she associates "shipping" with what she already knows the post office does. Does she actually want a date? Then the ending makes no sense, because she wouldn't be announcing it to random strangers, and why would she not hit up the postman himself first?
I like what you're going for, but this feels indecisive for Luna.
I think the main disconnect I'm having is that it isn't at all clear to me what Luna thinks shipping is. She's obviously confused, but without knowing what she's thinking, so am I. She clearly doesn't think it means actual package shipping, but the story suggests she might because she associates "shipping" with what she already knows the post office does. Does she actually want a date? Then the ending makes no sense, because she wouldn't be announcing it to random strangers, and why would she not hit up the postman himself first?
"Call me Luna, please," she replied, stepping up to the counter and smiling. "Princess if you must."
I like what you're going for, but this feels indecisive for Luna.
While the opening paragraphs do well to get us interested about Parcel, they really add nothing to the story, which is about Luna having an adorkable misunderstanding. Much of the concept revolves around lack of awareness about 'shipping' in its various contexts, but the real humor comes from the interaction between the two, and stars that last scene I can imagine so vividly. A bit pun-heavy, and a small dose of common sense (or at least direct intrepid, unflinching explanation) would quickly topple the premise, but that aside this will probably be surprisingly high on my slate.
Genre: Metahumor
Thoughts: This story is rife with meta things that I can smile about. First, it takes a self-aware approach to giving us a Luna Eclipsed Luna doing Luna Eclipsed Luna things. Her absolutely dogged misunderstanding of everything going on around her is charming in the specific way that Luna Eclipsed Luna tends to be. But then it also squeezes out some more humor by taking a mild jab at the practice of shipping. It’s light, punny, meta, and I like it.
I guess the “but” here is that it feels a bit long—believe it or not—for the material that ultimately drives the humor. It’s got some good gags, but they resolve quickly, which throws off the comic timing when there’s this much less-comedic material (e.g., parts of Parcel’s introduction) mixed in. As I’ve said about other stories: this isn’t bad, but it feels like it could use refinement. So while I think this is a good concept with a solid core, I feel like it’s not quite tuned up all the way yet.
Tier: Almost There
Thoughts: This story is rife with meta things that I can smile about. First, it takes a self-aware approach to giving us a Luna Eclipsed Luna doing Luna Eclipsed Luna things. Her absolutely dogged misunderstanding of everything going on around her is charming in the specific way that Luna Eclipsed Luna tends to be. But then it also squeezes out some more humor by taking a mild jab at the practice of shipping. It’s light, punny, meta, and I like it.
I guess the “but” here is that it feels a bit long—believe it or not—for the material that ultimately drives the humor. It’s got some good gags, but they resolve quickly, which throws off the comic timing when there’s this much less-comedic material (e.g., parts of Parcel’s introduction) mixed in. As I’ve said about other stories: this isn’t bad, but it feels like it could use refinement. So while I think this is a good concept with a solid core, I feel like it’s not quite tuned up all the way yet.
Tier: Almost There
This is cute and it gave me a chuckle. I don't have much constructive criticism to add, but >>Trick_Question put into words much of what I was thinking as I read about Luna's understanding of "shipping."