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The Summer Sun Incident
Royal Guard - Official Incident Report
Case Number: 0304580
Date: 31/12 - 21:36
Reporting Officer: Sgt. Bold Spear
Guard ID: 438521-76
Incident Type: Property Damage and Endangerment caused by Magic
Address of Occurrence: Southern Tower of the Royal Castle, Canterlot
Involved Parties:
Sparkle, Twilight: Magic Student. Unicorn mare, 22
Spike: Unemployed. Male dragonling, 12.
Details of Event:
On the evening of the Summer Sun Celebration, at approximately 19:42 , an explosion took place on the Southern Tower of the Royal Castle. The incident was witnessed by numerous residents of Canterlot’s Upper Villa, as well as most of the pedestrians in the Southwestern sector of the city. Eyewitnesses’ account describe the incident as a sudden of swelling of ambience magic for a few seconds before the aforementioned explosion took place. Bystanders describe the ensuing explosion as a burst of a deep purple magic which tore through the roof and wall of the tower, residence of Twilight Sparkle and her assistant, and then shot upwards to the sky before quickly dissipating.
Actions Taken:
First to arrive at the scene was a detachment of Royal Guards led by Captain Shining Armour, as well as Princess Celestia herself. Upon arrival, the Princess retrieved the body of Miss Sparkle from the debris. Due to Miss Sparkle’s critical condition, she was immediately dispatched to the nearest hospital. Miss Sparkle’s assistant, one Spike, the Dragon, was unharmed during the explosion and being the sole witness of the event besides Miss Sparkle herself, was held briefly for questioning (see addendum to case 0304580-A: Transcript of Interview for details)
The nature of the events that took place in Miss Sparkle’s study are unknown at this moment. Princess Celestia has delegated a team of court archmages to determine the cause of the magic blast. Until the results of their investigation are out, the guard will continue to look for potential witnesses of the incident.
Bold Spear
Sergeant of the First Division of the Royal Guard
Cadence,
I don’t know how soon will the news of what happened reach you but I’m writing right away to let you know. Twilight had an accident, they still don’t know what happened, but as soon as we got her out of the rubble I had her sent to Canterlot General. I’m on my way to see her, I just had to stop to write this to you.
Must have been sometime in the afternoon, I was doing the routine check up of the guard as they changed shifts at the Castle grounds when we heard the explosion. We thought it may have been an attack at first, you know we’ve been on the edge with the reports of changeling activity in the badlands, and Celestia calling back detachments from all over Equestria back to Canterlot for the Summer Sun Celebration certainly didn’t help.
The explosion took us by surprise. The castle was in the way, and we couldn’t get a clear view of the Twilight’s tower. Even some of the pegasus guards were knocked from the air. I was running before I realised it, yelling at the guards to follow me. Didn’t take us long to figure out where it had come from. Princess Celestia herself was flying straight for the tower, part of the roof was caved in. I don’t I don’t know what happened I got there as fast as I could.
The blast must have knocked Spike out but he’s a tough guy, his scales protected him from whatever it is that caused the explosion. Twilight’s study was wrecked, just rubble everywhere, we tried clearing it but Princess Celestia got Twilight out first and shewas
Cadence, her eyes. She was scared, I’ve never seen the Princess scared like that, but there was also something, sadness, I don’t know, it scared me too. I had to keep it together, for the other guards, I couldn’t break down in front of them, but I almost did when I saw her.
I just couldn’t bear seeing my little Twily like that, she looked so frail so weak, she wasn’t breathing normally and she felt cold and Princess Celestia wouldn’t talk to anyof us
I wanted to stay with her, but I couldn’t leave the castle, I had to organise the guard and start the investigation, I don’t even know what I told them to do I just started barking orders and then I came here to write you this letter before I go to the hospital and I still have to tell my parents I have to let them know they’re gonna be worried sick and damn it Cadance I was supposed to protect her I’m her big brother how could I let this happen? I
please hurry Cadence
I need you with me
Canterlot General Hospital - Emergency Room Report 28-013/S
Name: Sparkle, Twilight
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Race: Unicorn
Date of Admission: 31/12 - 8:24 PM
Doctor in charge of the examination: Dr. Tender Care M.D.
Assisting nurses: Quick Patch, Mending Balm
Chief Complaint: Patient brought in by elite detachment of the EUP
History of Present Illness: The patient is a light purple unicorn mare in comatose state. The accompanying guards were not able to give an accurate account of the events precipitating the mare’s arrival at the emergency room. Per testimony of the Royal Guards, the patient was found amongst the rubble of her living quarters in the Canterlot Castle and upon checking her vitals, was immediately transferred to Canterlot General Hospital. The patient was worked up back to stable levels here in the emergency room, but could not be awoken from her coma.
Past Medical History: Minor past admissions for exhaustion and severe fatigue during her stay at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Subject is slightly out of shape in part due to low-activity lifestyle.
Current Medications: 60mg Strottera (atomoxetine) per day.
Allergies: No known drug allergies, lactose intolerance.
Family History: Noncontributory
Social History: No history of tobacco, alcohol, recreational poison joke, or illicit drug use.
Review of Systems: Unable to review due to the patient’s status.
Physical Examination:
Vital Signs: Blood pressure 89/54, heart rate 52 bpm, respiratory rate 10, temperature 35 °C.
Skin: On physical examination, skin is pale, dry and warm. Several bruises of varying degrees of severity were found alongside minor lacerations correlating with the Royal Guard description of the circumstances of Miss Sparkle’s accident.
Coat: Slight singing of the fur in the left side of the face and neck, part of the chest and front limbs correspondent with the powerful release of a thaumaturgic energy.
HEENT: Intracranial pressure at 22mm Hg. Pupils were fixed and non-reactive to light.
Neck: Mild JVD. Supple. Respiratory effort is normal.
Chest: Clear with good breath sounds but below the safe range. Eighth and ninth left rib show signs of fracture, causing pressure in the lungs and heart.
Cardiac: Irregular rate and rhythm, arrived at the emergency room below safe levels and dropping.
Back: No CVA tenderness found.
Abdomen: Soft. Minimal tenderness in the suprapubic area. Bowel sounds are normoactive in all quadrants. No mass, guarding, rigidity or rebound tenderness.
Limbs: Front limbs show the same bruising and singing of the fur correspondent with the rest of the body. Back legs do not show the same damage to the fur, but the abundance of tender spots lead to believe patient was flung backwards, landing on her backside with force.
Neurological: There is reflex reaction in limbs to pain stimulus, but the patient does not respond to other kind of stimuli. She had no signs of basal skull fracture, but there was an abrasion with an ecchymosis to the left forehead and a smaller abrasion over the chin. Scalp, skull and facial bones appear to be intact. Brainstem reflexes, such as corneal and gag were intact.
Intervention: The patient was brought to stable condition in the Emergency Room and proceeded to be admitted to the hospital for long-term stay. Further analysis are required to fully determine the neurological damages the patient suffered due to her accident, as well as their extent. Additional clinical plans on hold pending those results.
Diagnoses:
-Minor contusions and damaged fur product of the accident.
-Nerve overload due to sudden thaumaturgic feedback
-Glasgow Coma Scale of 5
Additional Observations:
Doctor Hayes, I know you’ve been personally asked by Princess Celestia to oversee Ms. Sparkle’s case. You’ll get my full discharge report later today, but I just wanted to let you know that there’s something odd about her. We ran the routine checks for patients who’ve fallen into a coma and her Glasgow results are worrying, but it’s incongruous with her thaumaturgic readings. I know we have to wait for the result of the CAT scan, but what we have now says she should be able to at least react in some way. She hasn’t suffered brain death, for the Princess’s sake! We should be able to get something from her.
Royal Guard - Official Incident Report - Witness Interview
Case Number: 0304580-A
Date: 31/12 - 22:45
Reporting Officer: Pvt. Copper Wing
Guard ID: 553806-76
Preliminary Inquiry: Report on the Summer Sun Incident
Report Type: Witness interview
What follows is an interview conducted by the Royal Guard the night of the Summer Sun Celebration incident.
Interviewee is identified as ‘Spike, the Dragon’, assistant to Miss Twilight Sparkle (see document 28-013/S - Doctor Tender Care’s full physical analysis for further information on the subject’s state).
Interview was conducted in the lower dormitories of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns while the quarters of Miss Sparkle remain under the inspection of the Court’s archmages.
Spike: “Can I see Twilight?”
Copper: “I’m afraid that can’t happen for the time being, Spike.”
Spike: “But is she okay?”
Copper: “Of course she will be okay, sweetie. We just want you to answer some questions before you go see her.”
Spike: “That’s… alright, I guess.”
Copper: “Let us start, then. You’re her assistant, right?”
Spike: “That’s right! I’ve been Twilight’s number one assistant my entire life.”
Copper: “Can you tell me what happened yesterday?”
Spike: “You should probably ask Twilight about that, I didn’t really understand what she was doing. Once she starts talking about the latest branch of obscure magic she discovered or the life of a character from history, she won’t stop.”
Copper: “We know, and we’ll talk with Miss Sparkle soon, it’s just that it’d be better to have… another perspective before we do.”
Spike: “I guess that makes sense… What do you want to know?”
Copper: “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
Spike: “You mean yesterday morning?”
Copper: “Sure, let’s start there.”
Spike: “Alright… Twilight was doing some research on old legends, I didn’t catch what exactly, but it was really old stuff, like, centuries ago. She went out to read in the palace gardens and didn’t come back until well after noon.”
Copper: “So you don’t know where she was or what she did all morning?”
Spike: “She had a book with her, I doubt she did anything other than read. I just went around the castle and talked with some of the guards. What’s up with that? There’s been a lot more than usual.”
Copper: “Princess Celestia just wanted more of us for the day after Summer Sun Celebration, is all. But please, tell me when did you see Miss Twilight again.”
Spike: “She came back bursting through the door later that day and asked for a book about predictions and prophecies.”
Copper: “Prophecies?”
Spike: “I know. Weird, right? But that’s… That’s Twilight for you, she always wants to learn more.”
Copper: “I see… Please, go on.”
Spike: “She found a passage about that old story about the Mare in the Moon and then kept on talking about how this was super important. I… I told her it was just an old ponies’ tale and… and that she shouldn’t take it so seriously…”
Copper: “Spike?”
Spike: “Are you sure I can’t see her? I can come back afterwards and we can continue this, I promise I’ll be fast.”
Copper: “I…”
Spike: “Please?”
Copper: “I’m sorry, Spike. I understand how you feel, but I really need to ask you these questions.”
Spike: “… ”
Copper: “Listen, as soon as we’re done, I’ll make sure one of the guards escorts you to the hospital. How does that sound?”
Spike: “…mkay.”
Copper: “There we go. Now, you were telling me about what happened after Twilight found the book.”
Spike: “She was going to tell Princess Celestia about that whole Mare in the Moon thing, but I told her that all she knew came from an old book and… I think that made her think twice.”
Copper: “How so?”
Spike: “She… said I was right and then something about coming up with a plan of her own she could show Celestia. Then, she ran into her room yelling about saving Equestria.”
Copper: “And you wouldn’t know anything about that plan, would you?”
Spike: “Sorry… I usually help Twilight with whatever project she has. Finding books, taking notes, making transcripts, getting coffee… Y’know, that kind of stuff. But when she goes into full research mode, I try to give her space and only help when… when she calls for me.”
Copper: “I suppose this time was different.”
Spike: “Yeah, she… She didn’t call me all evening, so I just left her alone, went around the castle for the evening. I got a letter from Princess Celestia a while after that, but… when I, when I w-went back to the tower, I… I—”
Copper: “It’s okay, Spike. It’s okay.”
Spike: “I didn’t know, alright! How could I have known she’d do something like that?”
Copper: “It’s not your fault.”
Spike: “It is! I’m supposed to b-be her assistant, I shouldn’t have left her alone. If I had been with her, then she wouldn’t have tried to—”
Copper: “It’s not your fault, Spike.”
Spike: “I’m… I’m sorry.”
Copper: “It’s okay to feel bad about what happened, but the Princess called the best magic healers of Equestria to help her, she’s going to be alright.”
Spike: “But… that magic explosion, that was… that wasn’t Twilight’s normal magic, I could feel it.”
Copper: “…”
Spike: “I don’t understand why she took an old legend so seriously, it was just a dumb old legend…”
Copper: “Hey, big guy. You’ve told us more than enough. Thanks for putting up with us, I’ll have somepony take you to see Twilight now. Captain Armor has been at the hospital for a while now.”
Spike: “Thanks…”
The interview shows that the dragonling had no role in the events that took place in the Southern Tower of the Castle, and with him being our only lead at the moment, the prospects do not seem favorable for the investigation.
However, thanks to the testimony of Spike, we’ve managed to ascertain that the catalyst of the event was most likely Miss Twilight Sparkle, though we’ll have to wait for the verdict of the archmages to confirm the young dragon’s suspicions of magic other than Sparkle’s own being at play.
Recommendations discussed include:
-Speaking with Spike again at a later date, after he has processed the events in order to corroborate his statements.
-Look into the timeframe he left the tower and determine whether or not somepony else may have been there.
-Asking teachers and former classmates in hopes they may shed some light regarding Miss Sparkle’s topic of research.
Not much else can be known before Miss Sparkle regains consciousness and we can get the answers we need. I’ll be forwarding this transcript to headquarters right away, as well as a copy to Princess Celestia as instructed.
Copper Wing
Private of the First Division of the Royal Guard
Explosion Shook Royal Castle on Summer Sun Celebration Night
By press stop and muckraker
canterlot - Residents of the city were rocked early in the night by a loud blast coming from the Royal Castle.
In the eve of the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration, the city of Canterlot was shaken by an explosion on the Southwest tower of the Royal Castle in what is shaping up to be the biggest and costliest magical disaster to hit the capital city in recent memory.
Emergency crews comprised of Royal Guard detachments were dispatched within minutes of the incident. Shortly afterwards, a party of Court Archmages was seen arriving at the scene.
Soon after, the neighboring residences were evacuated, affecting about 24 Canterlot ponies. A couple who own a residential villa in the proximities of the castle said there was a strong sense of magic rising in the air.
This statement was corroborated by numerous witnesses. “You could feel it in the air,” a local business owner said to the Canterlot Post, “there were lots of ponies out at that time due to the Summer Sun, and we all felt it.”
A Royal Guard spokespony, a Private of the First Division, said they could not immediately provide information on injuries or damage as result of the explosion as its cause and extents remain under investigation. Once the investigation has concluded, the Royal Guard will make a formal announcement to the population of Canterlot.
Royal Guard - Official Incident Report - Subject Interview
Case Number: 0304580-B
Date: 02/01 - 08:25
Reporting Officer: Pvt. Copper Wing
Guard ID: 553806-76
Preliminary Inquiry: Report on the Summer Sun Incident
Report Type: Interview
What follows is an interview conducted by the Royal Guard on the morning of the second day after the Summer Sun Celebration incident.
Interviewee is identified as ‘Moon Dancer’, grad student and long time classmate of Miss Twilight Sparkle.
Interview was conducted in a private study room in the Main Library of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.
Copper: “Thanks for taking the time to meet me, Miss Dancer.”
Moon Dancer: “It’s no problem, I’d like to help as much as I can.”
Copper: “And rest assured, the Royal Guard appreciates your cooperation.”
Moon Dancer: “Just tell me what you want to know, and I’ll do my best.”
Copper: “Very well. Are you aware of the accident that took place two days ago?
Moon Dancer: “The magic blast at the South tower, yes. Yes…”
Copper: “I understand you knew the pony involved in the incident.”
Moon Dancer: “Twilight Sparkle. Yes.”
Copper: “What exactly was your relationship with Miss Sparkle?”
Moon Dancer: “Strictly academic. I’ve known Twilight since our first year at the Princess’s School, and we’ve constantly worked on joint research projects, but I can’t say we were ever… close, you know?”
Copper: “Of course. That’s precisely what I wished to di—”
Moon Dancer: “I’m sorry, I just… Nopony has heard about her since the explosion. How is she?”
Copper: “I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information.”
Moon Dancer: “Well, it’s not as if you can’t pretend nothing happened. A third of Canterlot must have seen the explosion, and I’m sure the rest at least heard it.”
Copper: “Be that as it may. A formal announcement cannot be made until the Royal Guard has finished conducting the investigation.”
Moon Dancer: “Well, there has to be something you can tell me.”
Copper: “…”
This excerpt of the conversation has been stricken from the record due to little relevancy. See Emergency Room Report 28-013/S for the update on Miss Sparkle’s status.
Copper: “If we may return to the purpose of this interview, Miss Dancer.”
Moon Dancer: “S-sure…”
Copper: “As I was saying, it was brought to the Guard’s attention that in the days leading up to the incident, Miss Sparkle was conducting research on an undetermined topic. We understand you were amongst the few ponies in Celestia’s School who were up to par with Miss Sparkle’s skill, and hoped you would perhaps know what it is she was studying.”
Moon Dancer: “[Unintelligible]”
Copper: “I’m sorry?”
Moon Dancer: “I may be an assiduous academic but nopony was on Twilight Sparkle’s level, that mare was… she is brilliant.”
Copper: “Miss Dancer—”
Moon Dancer: “Just Moon Dancer is fine. And I do remember Sparkle mentioning something about an obscure topic of research.”
Copper: “What can you tell us about that?”
Moon Dancer: “Twilight Sparkle always likes to talk about what she’s studying. She’s not boastful or anything, she just takes pride in her efforts. The past week was no different, the last time I saw her, she was excited about this history project. About old legends and how the reality of early pony society shaped these tales.”
Copper: “Legends, you say?”
Moon Dancer: “Yes. You know, the Tale of Unification told in Hearth’s Warming Eve and the like.”
Copper: “I see. Is there anything else you could tell us about Miss Sparkle’s research, Moon Dancer?”
Moon Dancer: “It’s odd, you know? I also was interested in knowing, and I was… I was going to ask her more about it that day. There was this party that day some classmates convinced me to throw. I wanted her to go, but she didn’t show up. I mean, at the moment I felt hurt, but knowing what happened later, I can’t help but feel a bit guilty.”
Copper: “You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
Moon Dancer: “I know that. I know it’s not my fault that Twilight did… whatever it is she ended up doing but, but what if I could have done something about it? Maybe if I asked, Twilight would have shared her project with me or any of our… our friends, then she wouldn’t have gone and blown herself up alongside half of her tower!”
Copper: “Moon Dancer, please calm down. I understand you’re upset, but anger won’t solve anything.”
Moon Dancer: “I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose my temper like that.”
Copper: “As I said, I understand. The events of the Summer Sun Celebration has taken its toll on most of us, even Princess Celestia herself has been hit hard by it.”
Moon Dancer: “The… the Princess…”
Copper: “Miss Sparkle was her personal student. What happened to her must—”
Moon Dancer: “No, wait. I just remembered something. The history project, Twilight’s history project that, that was… that was assigned to her by Princess Celestia herself.”
Copper: “I beg your pardon?”
Moon Dancer: “Yes! I remember. Twilight was so excited about her project because it was an assignment that came from Princess Celestia herself during one of their private study sessions!”
Copper: “I… I see. Is that all you can recall, Moon Dancer?”
Moon Dancer: “I think it is, at least for the moment.”
Copper: “Thanks for your cooperation. If you remember anything else that could be of help, please contact me or any other Guard immediately.”
Moon Dancer: “I will. I’m glad I could be of help.”
The interview with Miss Moon Dancer seems to indicate that Miss Twilight Sparkle showed no signs of odd behaviour in the days leading up to the Summer Sun Incident.
She was also able to shed some light on Miss Sparkle’s topic of research, namely old legends, perhaps tied to the claims of the dragonling which stated Miss Sparkle also looked into predictions and prophecies before the incident. More important, however, was the discovery that this research was being conducted at the behest of Princess Celestia.
Recommendations discussed include:
-Work out the specifics of Miss Sparkle’s research in hopes of determining the cause of the Summer Sun Incident.
-Contact Princess Celestia regarding the research she appointed Twilight Sparkle.
Considering the status of Miss Sparkle for the foreseeable future, and how the Court’s archmages are yet to wrap up their investigation, the best course of action is to figure out what did Twilight Sparkle find in her research and how does it tie into the Summer Sun Incident. I’ll be forwarding this transcript to headquarters right away, as well as a copy to Princess Celestia as instructed.
Copper Wing
Private of the First Division of the Royal Guard
To Sergeant Bold Spear, strictly off the record.
Sergeant, pardon my bluntness but what in Tartarus is going on? I’ve been chasing any possible lead on this case almost non-stop for two days now and then it turns out Princess Celestia had information about what happened all along?
She made us give this case top priority, and given the circumstances I can see why, but why wouldn’t she tell us she knew what her student was doing when she blew up half of her tower? Is she too busy with her little homage? It’s not as though she’s dead, if we can figure out what happened that day then we can still help her,for Celestia’s sa
I’ll stick to protocol and see my investigation through to its end, but I think I also deserve a little transparency, we all do.
Awaiting further instructions.
Private Copper Wing.
celestia's royal archmage court
canterlot
INFORMATION: 2 January
To: Comet Streak
From: New Spark
Subject: Summer Sun Incident
FIRST STAGE SCOURING
Progress has been slow, but we managed to make a breakthrough. After another compound scouring spell, we unraveled most of the leftover ambience magic in the rundown observatory. It will take a few days for it to clear completely, but it’s down to levels that should allow us to work with considerable ease. The chief issue relating to the determination of the spell or spells cast by Twilight Sparkle is magical dilution. Not enough of Miss Sparkle’s arcane signature is present in the thaumaturgic readings of the spell feedback to extricate a reasonable origin, but with further analysis we may distill her essence to the point it becomes recognisable and we can determine the nature of the spell or spells used.
The second issue relates to the adjacent magical readings that overshadow Miss Sparkle’s own. Both the feedback and spectrum readings throw results that contradict most of what should be expected. While not quite falling into the realm of Chaos Magic, there is more than enough to suggest the presence of conjurings well outside the realm of conventional magic.
CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
At this moment we will refrain from further speculation, but the Court agrees that the presence of this yet to be determined magic is a serious problem. This issue may be what finally makes the Princess break her silence and work with us but, until then, we will continue to extract as much information as we can from the spell’s feedback.
A Court representative will meet the delegated investigator of the Royal Guard. We shall also decide the course of action regarding the divulging of information to the public. It’s been two days, and we can’t keep the citizens at ease with just the promise of an investigation being led. Unless Princess Celestia decides to step in, we will be forced to act upon this matter.
New Spark
Fourth-rank arcanist of the Royal Archmage Court
To: Pvt. Copper Wing
From: Sgt. Bold Spear
Subject: Request for Audience with Princess Celestia
Princess Celestia has denied your petition for an audience, as with all other requests since the Summer Sun Incident. Canterlot is still dealing with the aftermath of the explosion, so for the foreseeable future, the Princess will grant no audiences.
I shall continue my attempts at persuading her, but in return I will ask you to continue with your investigation to the best of your abilities, Private.
Bold Spear
Sergeant of the First Division of the Royal Guard
To Private Copper Wing, equally off the record.
Save the reply, I am no less exasperated by the attitude of the Princess. Her demeanor has been a detriment not only to your investigation, but to most of the activities of the Royal Guard regarding the Summer Sun Incident.
What happened to her protégé was terrible and she deserves to grief over it, but not at the cost of shunning the rest of Equestria. I wish we could meet to further discuss these matters, but alongside other officials I am forced to cover for Captain Shining Armor while he remains on leave.
Until such an occasion, I urge you to not give up and see your investigation to its end.
Sergeant Bold Spear
Royal Guard - Official Incident Report - Written Testimony
Case Number: 0304580-C
Date: 03/01 - 20:15
Reporting Officer: Pvt. Copper Wing
Guard ID: 553806-76
Preliminary Inquiry: Report on the Summer Sun Incident
Report Type: Written Testimony
What follows is the written testimony submitted to the Royal Guard on the evening of third of January regarding the events that took place in Twilight Sparkle’s chambers in the Southwest tower of the castle..
Subject is identified as ‘Feather Duster’, one of the castle maids on duty the night of the Summer Sun Incident.
The testimony was taken in a private room of the headquarters of the Royal Guard in the Royal Castle.
Good evening. My name is Feather Duster.
I, alongside many others, serve as a chambermaid at Celestia’s Royal Castle. On the day of incident, I was doing my activities as usual.
We worked hard in the week leading up to the Summer Sun Celebration as to make sure the whole castle was spotless. That day there were only a few rooms left in the towers to take care, and one of them was Miss Sparkle’s room.
This was going to be my last task of the day since there is never much to do other than a quick sweep and dusting, she doesn’t like us touching her books. I went to the room just over an hour before the sunset and it was empty. I usually find Miss Sparkle or her assistant there, but I didn’t pay it any mind and started tidying the place as normal.
As I worked, though, I started feeling strange. Apologies for sounding vague, but I can’t quite explain how it is that I felt other than it felt wrong. I chalked it up to nervousness over the Summer Sun Celebration to be held that night, so I kept working. It got worse, though, as the evening went on. I felt something was wrong but I couldn’t quite explain what.
When I finished with the main room, I moved to the bedroom but I couldn’t get in. What I mean is that, I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. That feeling of dread came back and it was so much stronger. I just couldn’t open the door, I couldn’t bring myself to open it, I just stood there. The feeling wouldn’t go away, and I didn’t know what I should do.
In the end it became too unbearable and I just had to get out. I ran away from the tower and told my supervisors I had finished cleaning, so I know they didn’t send anypony else there. I wanted to say something about what happened, but with the explosion later that day I just was too afraid.
I don’t know what happened to poor Miss Sparkle, and I can’t possibly imagine why I felt that way when I went into her room, but I know it may be connected to the explosion.
I hope I've been of help, and I apologise for my silence.
The testimony of Miss Feather Duster seems to corroborate Spike’s claims of a magic other than Sparkle’s own being present at the tower in the night of the incident. However, it would be entirely speculative to link Miss Duster’s alleged sensation of dread with magic.
Additionally, if she speaks the truth, then it’s safe to assume no other pony was near Miss Sparkle’s quarters on the day of the incident.
Recommendations discussed include:
-Discuss the upkeep schedule for Miss Sparkle’s quarters with the head of the chambermaids to confirm whether or not other ponies may have gone there.
-Inform the Royal Archmage Court about the sensation of dread Miss Duster felt in the tower should it be relevant to their investigation.
I’ll be forwarding this testimony to headquarters right away, as well as a copy to the Royal Archmages and Princess Celestia as instructed.
Copper Wing
Private of the First Division of the Royal Guard
To: Lt. Heartmare
From: Sgt. Bold Spear
Subject: Request for Replacement
This is a formal request for a provisional replacement of Captain Shining Armor. He has shown no intention of returning to his activities and while our hearts go to him and his family in these difficult times, the whole Guard cannot be put on hold for his grief.
Different guards have taken care of the different duties Captain Armor should have attended, but a more stable alternative must be taken until the Captain is fit to return to his position. I have enclosed a list of potential candidates who could fit the role, and I am sure the higher ups will have suggestions of their own regarding how to better handle this situation.
Bold Spear
Sergeant of the First Division of the Royal Guard
Canterlot General Hospital - Long Term Care Report
Name: Sparkle, Twilight
Age: 22
Sex: Female
Race: Unicorn
Date of Admission: 06/01 - 9:00 AM
Doctor in charge of the patient: Dr. Hayes, M.D.
Patient Status:
Miss Sparkle’s condition remains consistent with Doctor Tender Care’s report. There has been no improvement on the patient’s condition since her arrival at the Emergency Room on the night of the Summer Sun Celebration. Initial wounds and lacerations show signs of healing, but there’s no sign of improvement on her neurological condition.
Recommended Course of Action:
Judging by the frankly discouraging results of Miss Sparkle’s tests over the course of the week, she is to be prepared for long term stay for further supervision. As per prior arrangements, she will be placed in a private room.
Additional Notes:
As requested by Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia herself, I shall keep a close eye on the development of Miss Sparkle’s condition. However, both Doctor Tender Care’s notes and the report received from the Royal Archmage Court suggest there won’t be any change to her status. Nevertheless, I will keep my duties, and will keep Her Royal Highness informed should anything new arise.
Doctor Hayes
Chief of Neurology, Canterlot General
Dear Night Light,
I have no words to express how deeply sorry I am to hear about your daughter. Hearing the news of what happened was a shock. She is just as brilliant as you were at her age, and it pains me to know she’s suffered so much. My thoughts and best wishes, as well as the rest of the faculty members, are with you and yours during this rough time. Please give Velvet a big hug from us. I would love to fly up Canterlot if you need me to. Just say the word and I’ll do so.
Your friend,
Starry Sky
To Mr. Light and Mrs. Velvet,
We’re so sorry about what happened. We wish Twilight will make a full recovery and urge you not to lose hope. Princess Celestia is taking care of her, and she loves your daughter as well. We’re with you in these hard times.
Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Moon Dancer
Dear Night Light and Twilight Velvet,
Words cannot express the heartache we feel for your family. You are both such lovely people and we adore your daughter. Even as socially reclusive as she may have been, it was a delight to have her with us at the Castle. Please know that our thoughts are with you. We would love to see you in the near future.
All our best wishes and sincere condolences,
Head of Staff, Royal Canterlot Castle
Captain Shining Armor, and family,
We are so sorry to hear the news about your sister. Our condolences to you and your family. We will be thinking of you and the rest of the family, and know that we will be there for you during these hard times, should you need us.
Lieutenant Heartmare, on behalf of the Royal Guard
To Twilight Sparkle’s family,
My name is Moon Dancer. For a long time, I was a classmate of your daughter at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Maybe she mentioned me at some point, though I doubt she had. We weren’t too close, and I guess we drifted even further apart as time went on. Nevertheless, your daughter was a great role model for me. While she may have had her shortcomings, she was everything I hoped to be as an academic, as an arcanist, as a pony. What happened to her was a tragedy, and my heart goes out to you. I want you to know that, even though your daughter and I may not have been close friends, she still left an impact in my life, just as I’m sure she has on many other ponies.
There’s nothing I can say that will get rid of the pain you’re going through, but I hope it will serve as a consolation to know that your daughter is a great pony.
celestia's royal archmage court
canterlot
INFORMATION: 5 January
To: Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia
From: Comet Streak
Subject: Summer Sun Incident
PRELIMINARY FINDINGS:
Upon arrival at the South, the delegated group of archmages found an overwhelming amount of ambience magic permeating the scene of the incident. This hindered the efforts to ascertain the cause of the magical blast of the night of the Summer Sun Celebration. As stated in a previous report, due to the magical ambience as well as the unknown magical feedback present, it was hard to distill Miss Sparkle’s magical signature.
TESTS RUN:
Due to the amount of raw thaumic energy quickly dissipating into the atmosphere, the archmages immediately performed a freezing spell to preserve the incident scene as pristine as possible. Once it was made sure the team had stabilised the area, they began working on several compound scouring spells to clear the magic noise imbued in the environment. This process took a few days, but once the levels of ambience magic had been reduced to manageable levels, the team began the task of finding Miss Sparkle’s particular thaumaturgic signature through a variety of espying spells, as well as discerning the source of the additional magic found in the tower. Once the separate signatures were isolated, they proceeded to run a thaumic spectrum reading to identify the origin of all the traces of magic.
RESULTS:
On multiple castings, the freezing spell was able to prevent further thaumic leak. Once the spell had taken effect, the team found a large amount of magical feedback. While this was expected of a spell of the magnitude required to cause the explosion of the Summer Sun Celebration, it was still far more than we had imagined.
Nevertheless, the team started to work on a series of compound scouring spells which managed to dissipate and clear the thaumic readings from their state of disarray. As they worked, it became clear that further worked would be required, as magical occlusion had rendered Miss Sparkle’s magical signature indistinguishable from the ambience magic.
It was at this point that the archmages started discerning the first traces of what later tests would prove to be residual dark magic.
Once the ambience magic had settled to manageable levels, the archmages started working on finding Miss Sparkle’s own magical signature amidst the rest of ambience magic through a series of espying spells. This led to the discovery of three distinct magical sources in the remnants of the Southern Tower, which were quickly identified thanks to a thaumic spectrum reading: Twilight Sparkle’s own magic, concentrated nature magic, and remnants of dark magic.
Finally, the team did a recreation of how the night’s events may have developed, detailed in the attachment.
CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS:
It came to the Court attention that on the night of the incident, one of the castle’s chambermaids came to the Southwest Tower for scheduled housekeeping. Upon further discussion with Miss Feather Duster (refer to the Royal Guard’s report: 0304580-C). This further corroborates the findings of dark magic being at play.
For reasons we cannot fathom, nor will we presume to know, Miss Sparkle engaged in dark magic in the night of the Summer Sun Celebration. As of the time of this writing, the precise nature of the spell cannot be determined.
Knowing this, the Court thinks it wise to update the caretakers of Miss Sparkle at Canterlot General on her condition as soon as possible.
Comet Streak
Lead Arcanist of the Royal Archmage Court
Royal Guard - Official Incident Report - Final Summary
Case Number: 0304580-D
Date: 06/01 - 17:00
Reporting Officer: Pvt. Copper Wing
Guard ID: 553806-76
Preliminary Inquiry: Report on the Summer Sun Incident
Report Type: Final Summary of Investigation
What follows is the final report on the Investigation on the Summer Sun Incident, meant to summarise its findings. It will use all available evidence, ranging from testimonies and interviews, to reports from medical and magical authorities, to make an assessment and present conclusions to the aforementioned incident.
This report will close the Investigation.
Outline of Events:
On the days prior to the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration, Twilight Sparkle started a research project on folklore at the behest of Princess Celestia (See: Subject Interview - File 0304580-B) This was confirmed by Sparkle’s peers as well as her assistant. Furthermore, on the day of the Incident, she claimed to have found evidence to a threat to Equestria, and set towards coming up with a plan to allegedly save the nation (See: Subject Interview - File 0304580-A). She then send her assistant away and started working on her own. The testimony of one of the Castle’s chambermaids (See: Written Testimony - File 0304580-C), further sustained by the findings of the Royal Archmage Court (See: Files from the RAC’s archives), points towards dealings with Dark Magic.
While the specifics and motivations behind her actions remain unknown, they are irrelevant to the outcome of the Incident.
Twilight Sparkle casted Dark Magic, and this caused the destruction of the top floor and observatory of her residence, the Southern Tower of the Royal Canterlot Castle. This also resulted in severe damage to Twilight Sparkle herself, who remains hospitalised and in a coma.
Conclusions:
Twilight Sparkle was the cause of the explosion, and the only one who is in place to present charges is Princess Celestia herself; however, she has not said anything on the matter, and there’s nothing we can do until she does.
Barring those circumstances, this case is closed.
Copper Wing
Private of the First Division of the Royal Guard
Sergeant Bold Spear,
I suppose this is it. Case closed and Sparkle gets stuck in the hospital until she wakes up. Not that it would have made any difference in the end, but I just wished the Princess would have opened up to us and saved us a week of work.
Perhaps it’s out of place for me to ask, though I’m already going against protocol by attaching this note. Did you ever get to talk with the Princess?
I admit I was angry at first, but she must be thinking herself at least partly responsible for what happened and I guess that explains her isolation. Hopefully things will return to normal sooner than later.
Still, I wonder how long she’s going to keep that memento in the moon.
I shall go back to my normal duties.
Private Copper Wing
Moon Shows No Signs of Change After One Week
By hot press
canterlot - After one week of the Summer Sun Celebration, the moon remains unchanged.
After the magical mishap which marred the Thousandth Summer Sun Celebration, the moon remains unchanged.
As it is now public knowledge, Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Her Royal Highness, Princess Celestia, was performing magical experiments in the Southern Tower of the Castle one of these experiments backfired and caused the explosion. She remains, as of the time of this writing, in the hospital under intensive care.
What also remains is the purple shade left on the moon.
There are scholars who have maintained that the visage of the Mare in the Moon is a homage by Princess Celestia, and further theorise that the addition of the purple shade is a homage as well. Whichever the case, Princess Celestia has yet to make an announcement on the matter, so we do not know if we will have a purple moon for the years or centuries to come.
To Twilight Velvet and Night Light,
I write to you not as your Princess but as one pony to another. You deserved a quicker response and I have failed to give it to you in time. You also deserved to have your daughter with you, and I have failed in that as well.
I have no ground to as for an apology, nor do I deserve it, given the circumstances, but I must express my sorrow to you either way, for it is my fault that this disgrace has fallen on your daughter.
Perhaps I shall start at the beginning, and keep it straight to the point.
A thousand years ago, I lost my sister due to my own blindness to her feelings. She was morphed by her anger and jealousy into the being known as Nightmare Moon. I managed to subdue her before untold harm downed upon Equestria, but fate saw it fit to punish her with a millennia in the moon.
There was a prophecy made that on the thousandth year, she would return, but I was no longer deemed suitable to wield the magic that banished my sister. And this is where my own hubris came back to cause me pain and rob me of somepony I loved, only this time more ponies have to pay for my conceit.
I saw in Twilight magic unlike I have witnessed in centuries, and in this I also saw hope for the redemption of my sister. It was under my prompting that Twilight studied the tale of Nightmare Moon, assuming she’d take the path I had set for her and lead to the purification and reunion with my sister.
But she did not do this.
Instead she chose to hold the full weight of the situation herself, much as I did in the past. And it’s due to her lack of insight on the matter, her limited knowledge of what was truly transpiring, that she now has met a fate much similar to that of my sister.
As you sure have noticed, the moon know has a deep purple shade since the Summer Sun Celebration. Unlike what you may have heard, I played no part in that. The purple shade of the moon is now Twilight’s essence imbued in the same prison as my sister.
I will not ask for your forgiveness, as I do not deserve it. Know that I have my punishment every night when I have to raise the moon and see the remainder of having failed not only my sister, but now also your daughter, and until I find a way to finally atone for my sins, I shall be reminded of it every night. Though now I must also bear the pain of knowing it will serve as a grim reminder of your loss as well.
I cannot ask for your forgiveness, but know that I regret this with every fiber of my being.
Undeservedly yours,
Celestia
So... some good, some bad, but overall? Brace for a pretty positive review!
First, the bad stuff. I did figure out where this was going by the fourth text block, which is not that far into the story. Though you did keep me wondering up to that point, the reference to Predictions and Prophesies gave it away, and after that it was just a matter of getting us to the reveal, which could drag a little. A lot of the information in the various reports is redundant or obviously irrelevant, and I spent a lot of time googling obscure medical terminology in case it turned out to be important (it didn't).
Generally, I think the story could really benefit from revealing the mystery later, making the hints a bit more obtuse, and giving us more perspective on the issue so we aren't just repeating the hospital and guard reports over and over. The solution to the mystery could also be developed a little more in its own right -- for instance, by a hint of what it would be like for Twilight and NMM to be stuck together, or Celestia wondering what will happen when both escape together in another thousand years.
That said-
While I may have figured out the mystery pretty early, I did still enjoy the rest of the ride to get there. The points of view you have here are simple, but easy to understand and identify with. With few words, you nicely build up a small cast of supporting characters, who are as developed as they need to be for the framing device. It was a quick read, easy to get into, and bottom line? I enjoyed it.
First, the bad stuff. I did figure out where this was going by the fourth text block, which is not that far into the story. Though you did keep me wondering up to that point, the reference to Predictions and Prophesies gave it away, and after that it was just a matter of getting us to the reveal, which could drag a little. A lot of the information in the various reports is redundant or obviously irrelevant, and I spent a lot of time googling obscure medical terminology in case it turned out to be important (it didn't).
Generally, I think the story could really benefit from revealing the mystery later, making the hints a bit more obtuse, and giving us more perspective on the issue so we aren't just repeating the hospital and guard reports over and over. The solution to the mystery could also be developed a little more in its own right -- for instance, by a hint of what it would be like for Twilight and NMM to be stuck together, or Celestia wondering what will happen when both escape together in another thousand years.
That said-
While I may have figured out the mystery pretty early, I did still enjoy the rest of the ride to get there. The points of view you have here are simple, but easy to understand and identify with. With few words, you nicely build up a small cast of supporting characters, who are as developed as they need to be for the framing device. It was a quick read, easy to get into, and bottom line? I enjoyed it.
First impression: I've read this story before. But I can't find it. At least, it involved a very similar “Twilight doesn't go to Ponyville; instead she stays in the castle and tries to fix it herself and it goes badly wrong” plot, but I'm pretty sure the ending was different; the purple in the moon is unfamiliar. Am I hallucinating?
Huh, interesting.
On the whole, I think I like this? It's interesting to see something less linear like this, and it mostly worked for me, the story slowly coming together from the hints and things. The formatting actually worked fairly well, I think, and I didn't notice and big mistakes with it, which is fairly impressive.
What bothers me most, I think, is that the pacing here is really quite slow; it seemed like a lot of the details here really aren't building towards the ending, or are just kinda there-to-be-there, without properly adding to the world or situation. As such, there were parts I had a hard time focusing on properly.
Ambitious, and it comes together. I just wish it was punchier, I think.
On the whole, I think I like this? It's interesting to see something less linear like this, and it mostly worked for me, the story slowly coming together from the hints and things. The formatting actually worked fairly well, I think, and I didn't notice and big mistakes with it, which is fairly impressive.
What bothers me most, I think, is that the pacing here is really quite slow; it seemed like a lot of the details here really aren't building towards the ending, or are just kinda there-to-be-there, without properly adding to the world or situation. As such, there were parts I had a hard time focusing on properly.
Ambitious, and it comes together. I just wish it was punchier, I think.
Oh wow, that's good. I can't think of any words that do this story justice, so I must point you, the author, to the comments above mine; both good and bad.
Epistolary stories:
Are hard to do, though I'd say you've gotten the hardest part pretty well handled here, author. The individual letters and reports for the most part read like individual letters and reports. The only one that really stuck out to me was Shining Armor's letter to Cadance. Would he really stop on the way to the hospital to write it? Maybe after he got there and has seen Twilight unconscious, he can be sitting dazed in the waiting room and putting a letter together.
But that also points to the part of the story that I'd say needs more work: if you introduce Shining Armor into the story, you need to resolve his arc. What happens to him after he gets replaced as Captain of the Guard? What happens to Spike now that Twilight's in a coma? Why is Moon Dancer even here since all she does is give us the same info we've already gotten from Spike? And what part do those condolence letters to Twilight's family play in pushing the story forward? 'Cause you've gotta be ruthless in writing short stories: everything has to serve a purpose.
For instance, Shining Armor asking Cadance to come to Canterlot made me think that the piece would end with a message from Chrysalis, already disguised as Cadance, telling the changeling hive that she's moving the invasion plans up a bit to take advantage of the situation. As it stands now, though, she's just another dangling plot thread. I like hearing the various voices in the letters and transcripts, but once you bring a character into it, make sure we get some sort of closure on what happens to them.
There are a few other minor bits--newspaper headlines tend to be written in present tense, so it should be "Explosion Shakes Royal Castle on Summer Sun Celebration Night"--and Cadance's name is spelled both with the 'ance' and the 'ence.' But you've definitely got some good bones here, author. Flesh 'em out, do a little trimming and reshaping, and you'll be set!
Mike
Are hard to do, though I'd say you've gotten the hardest part pretty well handled here, author. The individual letters and reports for the most part read like individual letters and reports. The only one that really stuck out to me was Shining Armor's letter to Cadance. Would he really stop on the way to the hospital to write it? Maybe after he got there and has seen Twilight unconscious, he can be sitting dazed in the waiting room and putting a letter together.
But that also points to the part of the story that I'd say needs more work: if you introduce Shining Armor into the story, you need to resolve his arc. What happens to him after he gets replaced as Captain of the Guard? What happens to Spike now that Twilight's in a coma? Why is Moon Dancer even here since all she does is give us the same info we've already gotten from Spike? And what part do those condolence letters to Twilight's family play in pushing the story forward? 'Cause you've gotta be ruthless in writing short stories: everything has to serve a purpose.
For instance, Shining Armor asking Cadance to come to Canterlot made me think that the piece would end with a message from Chrysalis, already disguised as Cadance, telling the changeling hive that she's moving the invasion plans up a bit to take advantage of the situation. As it stands now, though, she's just another dangling plot thread. I like hearing the various voices in the letters and transcripts, but once you bring a character into it, make sure we get some sort of closure on what happens to them.
There are a few other minor bits--newspaper headlines tend to be written in present tense, so it should be "Explosion Shakes Royal Castle on Summer Sun Celebration Night"--and Cadance's name is spelled both with the 'ance' and the 'ence.' But you've definitely got some good bones here, author. Flesh 'em out, do a little trimming and reshaping, and you'll be set!
Mike
This was wonderfully done. The—what did Baal call it... Epistolary!—form was a great choice. Since the only pony who really knows from the outset what happened is unconscious, letting us explore the mystery from reports and memos helps keep a sense of urgency as events are analyzed. Moreover, handling the Nightmare Moon problem solo feels like exactly the sort of thing Twilight would try at this stage in her social development. Perfect chance to save the world and, more importantly, get a good grade.
Nothing could be more tempting to our lavender academic.
Nothing could be more tempting to our lavender academic.
This entry is disqualified for violating rule 3(c).
The 4th section's transcript is almost entirely lifted from Transcript of Interview - 0101730A by the same author.
The 4th section's transcript is almost entirely lifted from Transcript of Interview - 0101730A by the same author.
>>RogerDodger
Wait. There are rules? Oh, dear. My bad. I wasn't aware. I promise not to do this again. Also--since I already got your attention--I second the motion of having quick format buttons when submitting a story. Going back and forth between the edit page and the story page to see if the formatting was coming out right was gruelling.
Anyway... Unintended rule-breaking aside, I had a good time this round. As it's been made clear, this is a complete expansion upon a story idea I had earlier this year about Twilight trying to solve the Nightmare Moon issue by herself with undesired side effects. I was aiming for a different style of storytelling where I wouldn't risk ending up with an overwrought narrative. Then the idea developed into making this story be comprised entirely out of letters, reports and other type of notes.
Now, to tackle specific criticisms!
>>GaPJaxie
While writing this, I was being pulled apart by two trains of thought: Keeping the underlying story a mystery, slowly teasing the reader with new information with every new letter; and mantaining a logical order to how the letters and reports would be composed and the chronological order in which they would be written.
You can guess which won.
Buyt yeah, I think if I make Spike too indisposed to be interviewed that early into the story, I can keep the mystery going for a bit longer.
I will admit that a few details were there purely to round up the narrative and to make the reports as legitimate as possible. However there is an even bigger reason for why a lot of those details feel superfluous: I ran out of time and was too close to the word limit.
There are a few letters and reports that I didn't get around writing. One of them was Twilight's transfer form, referenced in the ER report, which would explain in layman terms what is it that happened to her, which would tie in with the memo from the archmage court and basically say that the dark magic banished Twilight's mind/soul to the moon while her body remained in Equestria.
Speaking of the archmages. Their final memo mentions an attachement which I didn't get to write, either. This would be a reconstruction of the Summer Sun Incident, meaning how exactly Twilight blew up her tower and got into the state mentioned in the ER report. This would've been mentioned in the Guard's summary report.
There is also mention of a meeting between the Guard and the Archmages, I planned to include a rundown of their meeting, but that one was scrapped because it would repeat information from their final summaries.
One I got around writing but didn't include because wordcount and time was an official statement by Princess Celestia to the rest of Equestria about the explosion. It would've been heavily revised and obviously a cover up for Twilight's sake.
Again, time and word limits prevented me from giving this a more thorough revision, but I'm still glad it was enjoyable.
>>Light_Striker
Why, I don't know what you could possibly be talking about.
>>Not_A_Hat
A few, yes. Though others just feel like that because I wasn't able to deliver a proper resolution to those subplots.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Rao
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll do my best to polish it further before publishing it.
>>Baal Bunny
Ah, yes. Poor Shining... I really did him a disservice here. I already mentioned a lot of bits and pieces which had to be cut due to time and length, and the one which hurt most was his. Aside from his letter to Cadænce--which, as you mentioned, would be better placed later in the timeline--and the hints about him disregarding his duties as captain, I never dwelled on his side of the story. Mainly due to the aforementioned limits, but also because I wasn't sure how to convey his story with just letters and reports. That doesn't mean I won't keep trying, thought!
As for Moon Dancer, her interview was a way for Copper Wing to discover that Princess Celestia was the one who gave that assignment to Twilight, since she had no other way of talking with the Princess since she's being so reclusive.
The condolence letters have a more nebulous purpose. One is to introduce the Point of View of Twilight's parents. Other is to bring up the fact that everyone has heard about what happened to Twilight in the Summer Sun night, except I ended up cutting the official announcement, so the responses do not feel as reactionary nor are they tethered to that plot point anymore.
Whoops!
Thanks to everybody for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep working hard on the future not to make the same mistakes--or accidentally break the rules! Sorry for that one, again.
Wait. There are rules? Oh, dear. My bad. I wasn't aware. I promise not to do this again. Also--since I already got your attention--I second the motion of having quick format buttons when submitting a story. Going back and forth between the edit page and the story page to see if the formatting was coming out right was gruelling.
Anyway... Unintended rule-breaking aside, I had a good time this round. As it's been made clear, this is a complete expansion upon a story idea I had earlier this year about Twilight trying to solve the Nightmare Moon issue by herself with undesired side effects. I was aiming for a different style of storytelling where I wouldn't risk ending up with an overwrought narrative. Then the idea developed into making this story be comprised entirely out of letters, reports and other type of notes.
Now, to tackle specific criticisms!
>>GaPJaxie
I did figure out where this was going by the fourth text block, which is not that far into the story. [...] the reference to Predictions and Prophesies gave it away, and after that it was just a matter of getting us to the reveal, which could drag a little.
While writing this, I was being pulled apart by two trains of thought: Keeping the underlying story a mystery, slowly teasing the reader with new information with every new letter; and mantaining a logical order to how the letters and reports would be composed and the chronological order in which they would be written.
You can guess which won.
Buyt yeah, I think if I make Spike too indisposed to be interviewed that early into the story, I can keep the mystery going for a bit longer.
A lot of the information in the various reports is redundant or obviously irrelevant, and I spent a lot of time googling obscure medical terminology in case it turned out to be important (it didn't).
I will admit that a few details were there purely to round up the narrative and to make the reports as legitimate as possible. However there is an even bigger reason for why a lot of those details feel superfluous: I ran out of time and was too close to the word limit.
There are a few letters and reports that I didn't get around writing. One of them was Twilight's transfer form, referenced in the ER report, which would explain in layman terms what is it that happened to her, which would tie in with the memo from the archmage court and basically say that the dark magic banished Twilight's mind/soul to the moon while her body remained in Equestria.
Speaking of the archmages. Their final memo mentions an attachement which I didn't get to write, either. This would be a reconstruction of the Summer Sun Incident, meaning how exactly Twilight blew up her tower and got into the state mentioned in the ER report. This would've been mentioned in the Guard's summary report.
There is also mention of a meeting between the Guard and the Archmages, I planned to include a rundown of their meeting, but that one was scrapped because it would repeat information from their final summaries.
One I got around writing but didn't include because wordcount and time was an official statement by Princess Celestia to the rest of Equestria about the explosion. It would've been heavily revised and obviously a cover up for Twilight's sake.
Again, time and word limits prevented me from giving this a more thorough revision, but I'm still glad it was enjoyable.
>>Light_Striker
Why, I don't know what you could possibly be talking about.
>>Not_A_Hat
it seemed like a lot of the details here really aren't building towards the ending, or are just kinda there-to-be-there, without properly adding to the world or situation.
A few, yes. Though others just feel like that because I wasn't able to deliver a proper resolution to those subplots.
>>MLPmatthewl419
>>Rao
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll do my best to polish it further before publishing it.
>>Baal Bunny
Ah, yes. Poor Shining... I really did him a disservice here. I already mentioned a lot of bits and pieces which had to be cut due to time and length, and the one which hurt most was his. Aside from his letter to Cadænce--which, as you mentioned, would be better placed later in the timeline--and the hints about him disregarding his duties as captain, I never dwelled on his side of the story. Mainly due to the aforementioned limits, but also because I wasn't sure how to convey his story with just letters and reports. That doesn't mean I won't keep trying, thought!
As for Moon Dancer, her interview was a way for Copper Wing to discover that Princess Celestia was the one who gave that assignment to Twilight, since she had no other way of talking with the Princess since she's being so reclusive.
The condolence letters have a more nebulous purpose. One is to introduce the Point of View of Twilight's parents. Other is to bring up the fact that everyone has heard about what happened to Twilight in the Summer Sun night, except I ended up cutting the official announcement, so the responses do not feel as reactionary nor are they tethered to that plot point anymore.
Whoops!
Thanks to everybody for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep working hard on the future not to make the same mistakes--or accidentally break the rules! Sorry for that one, again.
What? DQd? Gosh darn it.
Anyway, this is gonna end up on fimfic, right? I didn't read your responses very carefully, so basically just confirming.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
Anyway, this is gonna end up on fimfic, right? I didn't read your responses very carefully, so basically just confirming.
>>Zaid Val'Roa
>>GaPJaxie
>>Light_Striker
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rao
That took some time, but the slightly polished, reworked, and rearranged version of this story is now up on FiMFic. It'll be updating daily until Halloween.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/344929/the-summer-sun-incident
I hope you'll give it a look. ^ ^
>>Light_Striker
>>Not_A_Hat
>>Baal Bunny
>>Rao
That took some time, but the slightly polished, reworked, and rearranged version of this story is now up on FiMFic. It'll be updating daily until Halloween.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/344929/the-summer-sun-incident
I hope you'll give it a look. ^ ^