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Guy Stuff
"Shorts again, dear?" said Cookie Crumbles.
Hondo Flanks cleared his throat. "Rarity's got a line for stallions, so I'm helping her show them off," he said.
"Good for you! You know, my fillyfriends used to tease me about wearing pants. Like I don't know how to clean my bottom," said Cookie, shaking her head. "I hope the fellas don't treat you like that?"
Hondo smiled. "Neigh. Stallions know better. We understand each other," he said, adding a shrug.
Cookie giggled, then trotted downstairs.
With a sigh of relief, Hondo walked into the master bathroom and locked the door. He lifted the lid, undid his shorts, and let the guy slide out.
"Easy does it," he mumbled, taking aim. He'd been full for about an hour, but the longer he could hold it, the less frequently he needed to go.
After his stream stopped, Hondo Flanks reached into his pants, just behind the boys. Firm, upward pressure back there, plus a gentle squeeze down the length, caused the rest to release. It burned a little, but this was normal. He'd always had prostate difficulties, even before puberty.
Next came the spin. It was the easiest way to clear the remainder. Cookie never said anything about the walls. She probably thought the yellow stuff was mildew. Swinging a little too hard, he grunted from a pinch of pain in his urethra. A final shake confirmed it was empty.
Then Hondo took a strip of toilet paper, folded it in half, and wrapped it around the tip. Sometimes it'd get stuck in the opening to his sheath. If he was careful enough, he didn't need the paper, but it provided him peace of mind. The shorts kept it private. Plus, they kept ponies from noticing his weird-looking varicocele.
"Sweetheart! The Riches are here!" came the muffled shout of his wife. Hondo zipped up, washed his hooves, and carefully combed his mustache. Then he unlocked the door and trotted downstairs.
"Hay, Rich," he greeted Filthy Rich. "How's it hangin'?"
"A-hem," said Spoiled Rich. "We're both Rich, so try not to get us mixed up, okay? My husband is Filthy."
Filthy Rich winced. "Ah, yes, darling," he said. "Hondo just calls me Rich, though. He's a friend."
A deep sigh from his wife followed. "Well, obviously. We wouldn't be visiting a middle-class family if you didn't have 'friends' among the rabble."
"Oh Spoiled, could you come with me into the kitchen and leave the boys to chat?" said Cookie, the bright smile never leaving her muzzle. "I'm finishing up some petit fours I think you'll love."
Spoiled actually smiled. "That sounds nice. Ugh, sorry about being a bitch—I'm having trouble sleeping..." The two mares headed into the kitchen, while the stallions entered the den.
"How's it going?" asked Filthy Rich. "Must say, I envy your wife's demeanor," he added, in a whisper, as the two sat down together on a couch.
"She's amazing," said Hondo. "Hay, do you think the shorts work?"
Rich nodded. "Looks great. Still have the leak, I take it? There's a medicine for it now."
Hondo Flanks sighed. "I'm not gonna share this with a doctor when I can manage. Besides, it wouldn't work. It's not just leaking, it's getting the piss out."
"Understood," said Rich, wearing a sympathetic frown. "I've never talked to a doctor about my issue, either."
"Oh right, the semen stuck in the tube thing?"
"Turns to glue the moment urine hits it. You can imagine."
"Ow," said Hondo, shuddering. "I used to know another guy with that. How do you handle it?"
"I make sure I have an empty bladder, and haven't had anything to drink in two hours. It's usually by myself, which makes it easier to plan," said Rich. "You know something weird? It's not in the literature! There isn't even a name for it, unless it's that 'male pelvic pain syndrome' thing."
"Pfft. That's probably five different things," said Hondo.
"I'm sure. Most stallions won't share it. It's my fault, though. I kinked the line as a colt by doing it the wrong way. I didn't even know about belly-slapping until after I married."
"They don't teach us in school. I used to use shampoo, and the skin would blister and peel off once a week—"
Hondo stopped the moment the mares entered the den.
"What are you boys up to?" asked Spoiled Rich.
"Just... guy stuff," said Hondo.
Spoiled rolled her eyes, and Cookie giggled before speaking.
"You stallions are so silly."
Hondo Flanks cleared his throat. "Rarity's got a line for stallions, so I'm helping her show them off," he said.
"Good for you! You know, my fillyfriends used to tease me about wearing pants. Like I don't know how to clean my bottom," said Cookie, shaking her head. "I hope the fellas don't treat you like that?"
Hondo smiled. "Neigh. Stallions know better. We understand each other," he said, adding a shrug.
Cookie giggled, then trotted downstairs.
With a sigh of relief, Hondo walked into the master bathroom and locked the door. He lifted the lid, undid his shorts, and let the guy slide out.
"Easy does it," he mumbled, taking aim. He'd been full for about an hour, but the longer he could hold it, the less frequently he needed to go.
After his stream stopped, Hondo Flanks reached into his pants, just behind the boys. Firm, upward pressure back there, plus a gentle squeeze down the length, caused the rest to release. It burned a little, but this was normal. He'd always had prostate difficulties, even before puberty.
Next came the spin. It was the easiest way to clear the remainder. Cookie never said anything about the walls. She probably thought the yellow stuff was mildew. Swinging a little too hard, he grunted from a pinch of pain in his urethra. A final shake confirmed it was empty.
Then Hondo took a strip of toilet paper, folded it in half, and wrapped it around the tip. Sometimes it'd get stuck in the opening to his sheath. If he was careful enough, he didn't need the paper, but it provided him peace of mind. The shorts kept it private. Plus, they kept ponies from noticing his weird-looking varicocele.
"Sweetheart! The Riches are here!" came the muffled shout of his wife. Hondo zipped up, washed his hooves, and carefully combed his mustache. Then he unlocked the door and trotted downstairs.
"Hay, Rich," he greeted Filthy Rich. "How's it hangin'?"
"A-hem," said Spoiled Rich. "We're both Rich, so try not to get us mixed up, okay? My husband is Filthy."
Filthy Rich winced. "Ah, yes, darling," he said. "Hondo just calls me Rich, though. He's a friend."
A deep sigh from his wife followed. "Well, obviously. We wouldn't be visiting a middle-class family if you didn't have 'friends' among the rabble."
"Oh Spoiled, could you come with me into the kitchen and leave the boys to chat?" said Cookie, the bright smile never leaving her muzzle. "I'm finishing up some petit fours I think you'll love."
Spoiled actually smiled. "That sounds nice. Ugh, sorry about being a bitch—I'm having trouble sleeping..." The two mares headed into the kitchen, while the stallions entered the den.
"How's it going?" asked Filthy Rich. "Must say, I envy your wife's demeanor," he added, in a whisper, as the two sat down together on a couch.
"She's amazing," said Hondo. "Hay, do you think the shorts work?"
Rich nodded. "Looks great. Still have the leak, I take it? There's a medicine for it now."
Hondo Flanks sighed. "I'm not gonna share this with a doctor when I can manage. Besides, it wouldn't work. It's not just leaking, it's getting the piss out."
"Understood," said Rich, wearing a sympathetic frown. "I've never talked to a doctor about my issue, either."
"Oh right, the semen stuck in the tube thing?"
"Turns to glue the moment urine hits it. You can imagine."
"Ow," said Hondo, shuddering. "I used to know another guy with that. How do you handle it?"
"I make sure I have an empty bladder, and haven't had anything to drink in two hours. It's usually by myself, which makes it easier to plan," said Rich. "You know something weird? It's not in the literature! There isn't even a name for it, unless it's that 'male pelvic pain syndrome' thing."
"Pfft. That's probably five different things," said Hondo.
"I'm sure. Most stallions won't share it. It's my fault, though. I kinked the line as a colt by doing it the wrong way. I didn't even know about belly-slapping until after I married."
"They don't teach us in school. I used to use shampoo, and the skin would blister and peel off once a week—"
Hondo stopped the moment the mares entered the den.
"What are you boys up to?" asked Spoiled Rich.
"Just... guy stuff," said Hondo.
Spoiled rolled her eyes, and Cookie giggled before speaking.
"You stallions are so silly."
Genre: Turn Your Head And Cough
Thoughts: Wow. Being a male of advancing age, this makes for a bit of a tender read. The core of the story involves presenting the male characters' urinary difficulties alongside their unwillingness to talk about them, except among each other. It's both sad and heartfelt, because these are things that people just have to cope with as best they can... except maybe they could get some more help if they were willing to sacrifice more of their [pride/dignity? some word like that goes here] to be more open about their problems and seek that help. But as it is, this hits very hard in the space it's got, and it doesn't feel at all constrained by word count. Oh, and the ladies aren't left out either, though they're not the focus.
Tier: Strong
Thoughts: Wow. Being a male of advancing age, this makes for a bit of a tender read. The core of the story involves presenting the male characters' urinary difficulties alongside their unwillingness to talk about them, except among each other. It's both sad and heartfelt, because these are things that people just have to cope with as best they can... except maybe they could get some more help if they were willing to sacrifice more of their [pride/dignity? some word like that goes here] to be more open about their problems and seek that help. But as it is, this hits very hard in the space it's got, and it doesn't feel at all constrained by word count. Oh, and the ladies aren't left out either, though they're not the focus.
Tier: Strong
That was gross and very uncomfortable. If it was your goal, then good job but I don't like to read words about horse penises, especially when they are very descriptive (I have a vivid imagination and that didn't help here).
I guess you were aiming for guys' reluctance to talk about their penises' problem. I wouldn't have minded it if, like I said, we didn't have the full details. Maybe I got that feeling because I'm not really comfortable about the topic. I clearly don't talk about it with friends but I don't have any problem to talk about it with a doctor.
So that will be a no for me. Still in mid-tier because of the solid writing and some good sentences like this one
I guess you were aiming for guys' reluctance to talk about their penises' problem. I wouldn't have minded it if, like I said, we didn't have the full details. Maybe I got that feeling because I'm not really comfortable about the topic. I clearly don't talk about it with friends but I don't have any problem to talk about it with a doctor.
So that will be a no for me. Still in mid-tier because of the solid writing and some good sentences like this one
"A-hem," said Spoiled Rich. "We're both Rich, so try not to get us mixed up, okay? My husband is Filthy."
Well, huh. I don't know.
The tidbits of characterization add a lot of flavor to this story. The detailed description, well, maybe. In a sense it feels necessary, but in another sense it feels like it doesn't fit. Maybe that means the structure is best approached from another angle? (Cadence in A Minor did the "vivid biological description necessary to the plot" really well.)
I like the interplay between the characters in the more social bits, and there are some really nice lines here and there: "Must say, I envy your wife's demeanor", for instance.
The tidbits of characterization add a lot of flavor to this story. The detailed description, well, maybe. In a sense it feels necessary, but in another sense it feels like it doesn't fit. Maybe that means the structure is best approached from another angle? (Cadence in A Minor did the "vivid biological description necessary to the plot" really well.)
I like the interplay between the characters in the more social bits, and there are some really nice lines here and there: "Must say, I envy your wife's demeanor", for instance.
Ah jeez... Read a lot of that with my legs crossed. It's certainly evocative and descriptive, I'll give you that. And to be honest, I think it's a necessary component for what you are setting out to achieve. Cutting down on the descriptions would weaken the premise, in my opinion, although doing so because of reader discomfort would have certainly been another way of interpreting the prompt.
A great take on the prompt and solid execution. Thought-provoking and entertaining. Thanks for sharing your work.
A great take on the prompt and solid execution. Thought-provoking and entertaining. Thanks for sharing your work.
This does what it's supposed to do, and it does it well, I think. I particularly enjoy how the gender conventions surrounding "girl talk" and girly matters are flipped onto their head... heads? Heads.
I don't think it's for me, though. Re: horse dicks. Lots and lots of horse dicks. I usually don't go out of my way to read lengthy descriptions of the male urinary process, and I certainly did not enjoy hearing about the problems Filthy Rich has with semen in his vas deferans. That was... uncomfortable.
Strong effort, overall, but it's one that I'm gonna abstain on for this round. Come finals, we'll see.
Also, I think Spoiled un-spoils a little bit over the course of the story, and I found the change abrupt.
I don't think it's for me, though. Re: horse dicks. Lots and lots of horse dicks. I usually don't go out of my way to read lengthy descriptions of the male urinary process, and I certainly did not enjoy hearing about the problems Filthy Rich has with semen in his vas deferans. That was... uncomfortable.
Strong effort, overall, but it's one that I'm gonna abstain on for this round. Come finals, we'll see.
Also, I think Spoiled un-spoils a little bit over the course of the story, and I found the change abrupt.
So, my honest reaction is basically "WTF?" This is... Well, I've got the impression I stumbled onto someone's fetish. I expected humor here, but nope. Nothing here comes across as parody or comedy to me. It's just gross details. I mean, a point here or there for a "unique" interpretation of the prompt, but otherwise... sorry, but no.
At first I was "WTF?" and then I was all "Why am I reading this?" and then came the "oooooh."
Unexpected, unrepentant, and on the whole not bad. This was a gamble, and at least from my perspective it worked well. I particularly like the inversion of the common target in all mediums that is 'girl stuff'.
Not an amazing piece of literature, but certainly a brave one, and that ups it in my eyes a bit.
Unexpected, unrepentant, and on the whole not bad. This was a gamble, and at least from my perspective it worked well. I particularly like the inversion of the common target in all mediums that is 'girl stuff'.
Not an amazing piece of literature, but certainly a brave one, and that ups it in my eyes a bit.
Well. That happened.
On the one hand, I admire the courage to put this out there. On the other hand, it's a gimmick, not a story. I'm grossed out, but I'm okay with being grossed out if there's a reason. But there isn't a reason.
Subtract the meta shock value and there's nothing going on here. No plot, no structure, no conflict. Nothing comes of Hondo's problems, so it's hard to count them as conflict. Some time passes in daily lives of ponies. That's it. If they were talking about, say, their legs, instead of their fifth legs, this would be a puff of nothing.
That makes me sad, because this could have been better while keeping the shock value. Take Hondo's issues and do something with them, make them matter, tell an actual story with the idea. I know that's hard in mini length, but it's far from impossible. The seeds of some potential plots are there, you could play on social embarrassment and being found out, or on his interactions with his wife, or maybe Filthy has the same problem and comes to him for help. Something. As is, it's just a flatly presented concept which could lead to a plot, and I don't give those much credit.
Technical execution is, uh, competent. The fluff asides are nice, and I think you hit the level of crude you were aiming for in the dialogue.
I won't be voting this very high, but it is, at least, the type of gimmick piece that I can see some redeeming value in. One of these days someone's going to write an entry that needs this level of detail about sexual or otherwise uncomfortable subjects, and uses that detail as a key point in telling a compelling story. Thanks for writing!
On the one hand, I admire the courage to put this out there. On the other hand, it's a gimmick, not a story. I'm grossed out, but I'm okay with being grossed out if there's a reason. But there isn't a reason.
Subtract the meta shock value and there's nothing going on here. No plot, no structure, no conflict. Nothing comes of Hondo's problems, so it's hard to count them as conflict. Some time passes in daily lives of ponies. That's it. If they were talking about, say, their legs, instead of their fifth legs, this would be a puff of nothing.
That makes me sad, because this could have been better while keeping the shock value. Take Hondo's issues and do something with them, make them matter, tell an actual story with the idea. I know that's hard in mini length, but it's far from impossible. The seeds of some potential plots are there, you could play on social embarrassment and being found out, or on his interactions with his wife, or maybe Filthy has the same problem and comes to him for help. Something. As is, it's just a flatly presented concept which could lead to a plot, and I don't give those much credit.
Technical execution is, uh, competent. The fluff asides are nice, and I think you hit the level of crude you were aiming for in the dialogue.
I won't be voting this very high, but it is, at least, the type of gimmick piece that I can see some redeeming value in. One of these days someone's going to write an entry that needs this level of detail about sexual or otherwise uncomfortable subjects, and uses that detail as a key point in telling a compelling story. Thanks for writing!
>>Ranmilia
Unlikely since the WriteOff rounds are T-rated. I have the feeling this fic already straddled the fence, so I think anything more explicit would incur the ire of our benevolent Aussie tyrant.
One of these days someone's going to write an entry that needs this level of detail about sexual or otherwise uncomfortable subjects,
Unlikely since the WriteOff rounds are T-rated. I have the feeling this fic already straddled the fence, so I think anything more explicit would incur the ire of our benevolent Aussie tyrant.
I have the feeling that besides the shock value, there isn't much to this story at all. A male reader might at first find it interesting to read about that kind of private stuff, that often feels like a secret shared between all men... but once you get past that novelty, nothing interesting really happens in the fanfic beyond that. Guy describes his penis trouble, then he talks to another guy who describes his penis trouble in turn, end of story.
Post by
Trick_Question
, deleted
Guy Stuff
Thanks to all who reviewed the story:
>>CoffeeMinion >>Fenton >>Light_Striker >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Monokeras >>Posh >>Xepher >>PaulAsaran >>Ranmilia >>Monokeras >>JudgeDeadd
I think this is a great story right now, but most readers didn't follow what it was trying to say, or were offended by the thought of a penis. It's hard to make the point I'm trying to make without being overly-direct about its underlying message.
No, this is most certainly not a comedy. And holy Moonhorse, Xepher, it isn't a fetish piece! I'm not sure how anypony could think urinary problems equals fetish. Ow. Eww. No. Wrong. What? No.
(On the bright side, you probably correctly assumed this was mine.)
So what is this story about? It's about the oft-overlooked hardships of being male, and how some of them compare to similar difficulties that females face more openly. I don't mean the nature of male-specific medical issues; rather, I mean the struggle behind needing to appear strong and in control of oneself, versus giving up control to take care of a problem. This story is not highly fictitious. There are lots of medical conditions people face that aren't in the literature because those who have the issues are too embarrassed or sensitive to allow a doctor to experiment on them, and a lot of those are specifically male urological conditions. There really is a thing called 'male pelvic pain syndrome' that is almost assuredly several different disorders. Many people have never even heard of an andrologist or are aware they exist as a specialty.
As for related-to-ponies, I wanted to showcase how this predicament has nothing to do with station in society. The stallions here aren't having problems because they're in the subordinate class to mares; they're having problems because of the nature of their gender role, which transcends social status.
If I post this on Fimfiction, I can expect an army of downhooves. But it's still a very meaningful piece for me, so I might do it anyway. I'm not sure how I can be any more euphamistic about a penis than I already was. I'm surprised and saddened that so many readers were offended or disgusted. That wasn't my intent. But uncomfortable? That was intentional.
Thanks to all who reviewed the story:
>>CoffeeMinion >>Fenton >>Light_Striker >>Ceffyl_Dwr >>Monokeras >>Posh >>Xepher >>PaulAsaran >>Ranmilia >>Monokeras >>JudgeDeadd
I think this is a great story right now, but most readers didn't follow what it was trying to say, or were offended by the thought of a penis. It's hard to make the point I'm trying to make without being overly-direct about its underlying message.
No, this is most certainly not a comedy. And holy Moonhorse, Xepher, it isn't a fetish piece! I'm not sure how anypony could think urinary problems equals fetish. Ow. Eww. No. Wrong. What? No.
(On the bright side, you probably correctly assumed this was mine.)
So what is this story about? It's about the oft-overlooked hardships of being male, and how some of them compare to similar difficulties that females face more openly. I don't mean the nature of male-specific medical issues; rather, I mean the struggle behind needing to appear strong and in control of oneself, versus giving up control to take care of a problem. This story is not highly fictitious. There are lots of medical conditions people face that aren't in the literature because those who have the issues are too embarrassed or sensitive to allow a doctor to experiment on them, and a lot of those are specifically male urological conditions. There really is a thing called 'male pelvic pain syndrome' that is almost assuredly several different disorders. Many people have never even heard of an andrologist or are aware they exist as a specialty.
As for related-to-ponies, I wanted to showcase how this predicament has nothing to do with station in society. The stallions here aren't having problems because they're in the subordinate class to mares; they're having problems because of the nature of their gender role, which transcends social status.
If I post this on Fimfiction, I can expect an army of downhooves. But it's still a very meaningful piece for me, so I might do it anyway. I'm not sure how I can be any more euphamistic about a penis than I already was. I'm surprised and saddened that so many readers were offended or disgusted. That wasn't my intent. But uncomfortable? That was intentional.
>>Trick_Question
You never turn off the mature filter on FimFic, do you? :p
Anyway, with your explanation, it is much clearer what you were aiming for. I still think that there are some parts which need to be reworked if you want your message to be clearer (find me on Discord if you want a detailed explanation).
And even if this made me uncomfortable, I still strongly encourage you to expand it and publish it on FimFic. Like I said, this story has a solid writing and if needed, I will defend it against all odds.
it isn't a fetish piece! I'm not sure how anypony could think urinary problems equals fetish.
You never turn off the mature filter on FimFic, do you? :p
Anyway, with your explanation, it is much clearer what you were aiming for. I still think that there are some parts which need to be reworked if you want your message to be clearer (find me on Discord if you want a detailed explanation).
And even if this made me uncomfortable, I still strongly encourage you to expand it and publish it on FimFic. Like I said, this story has a solid writing and if needed, I will defend it against all odds.
>>Fenton
On the contrary, I almost never turn it on. The only time I use the filter is when I have a story that might be trending in the FB if only it weren't being pushed south by M-rated fics in the top seven slots.
Seriously, though: apart from focusing on diapers or embarrassment (neither of which are in this story), show me a single fetish story on Fimfiction where the focus is male urinary problems. I shall jump directly to the triple-diamond-dog-dare.
Anyway, I think I can fix the story if I make it longer and add context. By "context" I mean other male hardships that are unrelated to pee.
You never turn off the mature filter on FimFic, do you? :derpytongue2:
On the contrary, I almost never turn it on. The only time I use the filter is when I have a story that might be trending in the FB if only it weren't being pushed south by M-rated fics in the top seven slots.
Seriously, though: apart from focusing on diapers or embarrassment (neither of which are in this story), show me a single fetish story on Fimfiction where the focus is male urinary problems. I shall jump directly to the triple-diamond-dog-dare.
Anyway, I think I can fix the story if I make it longer and add context. By "context" I mean other male hardships that are unrelated to pee.
>>Trick_Question
I didn't comment on this before, but I guess I'm commenting on it now :P
I did enjoy this story. It was well written, though the topic made me uncomfortable, and reading Trick's retrospective, it was very much meant to.
It kind of spoke to me as a guy that there are things I don't say, things that I won't really tell anyone, and I feel that sort of thing transcends genders. I'm sure that there are many things that women wouldn't dare to admit, even to their doctors.
It really made me think about who I am and what society says I am.
Thanks for writing this Trick. Penises are icky, and horse penises are icky-icky, but this story had a deeper meaning that I was able to identify with.
I didn't comment on this before, but I guess I'm commenting on it now :P
I did enjoy this story. It was well written, though the topic made me uncomfortable, and reading Trick's retrospective, it was very much meant to.
It kind of spoke to me as a guy that there are things I don't say, things that I won't really tell anyone, and I feel that sort of thing transcends genders. I'm sure that there are many things that women wouldn't dare to admit, even to their doctors.
It really made me think about who I am and what society says I am.
Thanks for writing this Trick. Penises are icky, and horse penises are icky-icky, but this story had a deeper meaning that I was able to identify with.