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Death Party
“I want a funeral.”
Princess Celestia paused for several moments, her entire body going still as though frozen in its own little bubble of time. She elected then to finish her biscuit and then nodded to Twilight, as though what she’d just heard was the most normal thing in the world.
“Are you dying?” she asked, careful to keep her tone one of mild curiosity.
“You know I’m not,” Twilight said, a bit of an indignant grumble in her words.
“Then you must suspect that somepony intends to kill you.” Celestia’s words were smooth, the fragments of uncertainty she’d shown earlier hidden away. Canterlot palace was her home, afternoon tea her private domain, and masterful calm her natural gift, even if Twilight had momentarily caught her off guard.
“No. I made friends with Equestria’s last villain a month ago.” Twilight sighed, swirling her hoof as thought to hurry the conversation along. “And she wasn’t even really a villain! She was just a very stern bicycle enthusiast who also happened to practice necromancy, but that wasn’t like, her thing.”
“Suicide?”
“No. Yes. Well, kind of.” Twilight made an elaborate gesture with her hooves, visibly struggling to find the words. “Like, yes, because there’s going to be a funeral and everypony should go ‘oh it’s so sad she died.’ But without the part where my heart stops and my soul leaves my body and I start to stink. So you know. Metaphorical suicide.”
Celestia considered this for a moment, sipping her tea to stall for time. “So essentially,” she said, pausing for emphasis as she returned her cup to the table. “You’d like to have a rather somber party where everypony comes and says nice things about you. While you listen from the casket, presumably?”
“No!” Twilight’s ears shot up, and her shoulders lifted with the very thought. “Well, I mean, okay, yes to the first part, but you can’t attend your own funeral. How narcissistic would that be? No, I mean…” She took a deep breath, her eyes slipping from Celestia’s face and down to the table. “I’d just like it if you declared me dead of natural causes and then we had a funeral to everypony could move on, and then I was going to change my name and move to Baltimare.”
Again, Celestia nodded: “Why Baltimare?”
“I’ve heard it’s nice and the rent is cheap.” Twilight scrunched her wings and tail up against herself, seeming to wilt under Celestia’s gaze. The sun princess offered her no respite, staring down at her student. “I was going to dye my coat,” Twilight mumbled. “And I made a spell to hide my horn so everypony will think I’m a pegasus.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” Twilight scrunched up her muzzle, her words coming faster. “That all my friends have had funerals and I feel left out? Because I do. I’m not suicidal, but it is kind of a mortals-only party. But that’s not the only party Princesses get left out of.”
She shook her hoof sharply, and managed to lift her head to Celestia, her voice tight as she went on. “There’s just so much going on in Equestria right now. So much change and innovation and social issues that are getting worked out, and I can’t be a part of that from the top of the pile. I can’t even see most of it. A teenager is not going to crack jokes about her student loan problems with royalty, and buisnessponies won’t be honest with the mare who sets their taxes. I want to be a part of the world again.”
Twilight took a deep breath, and abruptly let it out: “And I’m bored, okay? I’ve been a princess for nearly a hundred years. I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on it. I’m ready to buy a smartphone and take an unpaid internship and learn what social media is.”
“You could do all that as a Princess,” Celestia observed. “Nopony is stopping you.”
“I’m stopping me.” Twilight snorted, and turned her head away.
Celestia considered that for some time.
“I think,” she finally said, “I will tell them I poisoned your tea with a vile draught that pulled you into an eternal sleep. Cureable only by a hero who is pure of heart.”
Twilight looked back.
“Well,” Celestia said, her tone practical. “We need some way to bring you back to life after you get bored of mortality again.”
Princess Celestia paused for several moments, her entire body going still as though frozen in its own little bubble of time. She elected then to finish her biscuit and then nodded to Twilight, as though what she’d just heard was the most normal thing in the world.
“Are you dying?” she asked, careful to keep her tone one of mild curiosity.
“You know I’m not,” Twilight said, a bit of an indignant grumble in her words.
“Then you must suspect that somepony intends to kill you.” Celestia’s words were smooth, the fragments of uncertainty she’d shown earlier hidden away. Canterlot palace was her home, afternoon tea her private domain, and masterful calm her natural gift, even if Twilight had momentarily caught her off guard.
“No. I made friends with Equestria’s last villain a month ago.” Twilight sighed, swirling her hoof as thought to hurry the conversation along. “And she wasn’t even really a villain! She was just a very stern bicycle enthusiast who also happened to practice necromancy, but that wasn’t like, her thing.”
“Suicide?”
“No. Yes. Well, kind of.” Twilight made an elaborate gesture with her hooves, visibly struggling to find the words. “Like, yes, because there’s going to be a funeral and everypony should go ‘oh it’s so sad she died.’ But without the part where my heart stops and my soul leaves my body and I start to stink. So you know. Metaphorical suicide.”
Celestia considered this for a moment, sipping her tea to stall for time. “So essentially,” she said, pausing for emphasis as she returned her cup to the table. “You’d like to have a rather somber party where everypony comes and says nice things about you. While you listen from the casket, presumably?”
“No!” Twilight’s ears shot up, and her shoulders lifted with the very thought. “Well, I mean, okay, yes to the first part, but you can’t attend your own funeral. How narcissistic would that be? No, I mean…” She took a deep breath, her eyes slipping from Celestia’s face and down to the table. “I’d just like it if you declared me dead of natural causes and then we had a funeral to everypony could move on, and then I was going to change my name and move to Baltimare.”
Again, Celestia nodded: “Why Baltimare?”
“I’ve heard it’s nice and the rent is cheap.” Twilight scrunched her wings and tail up against herself, seeming to wilt under Celestia’s gaze. The sun princess offered her no respite, staring down at her student. “I was going to dye my coat,” Twilight mumbled. “And I made a spell to hide my horn so everypony will think I’m a pegasus.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?” Twilight scrunched up her muzzle, her words coming faster. “That all my friends have had funerals and I feel left out? Because I do. I’m not suicidal, but it is kind of a mortals-only party. But that’s not the only party Princesses get left out of.”
She shook her hoof sharply, and managed to lift her head to Celestia, her voice tight as she went on. “There’s just so much going on in Equestria right now. So much change and innovation and social issues that are getting worked out, and I can’t be a part of that from the top of the pile. I can’t even see most of it. A teenager is not going to crack jokes about her student loan problems with royalty, and buisnessponies won’t be honest with the mare who sets their taxes. I want to be a part of the world again.”
Twilight took a deep breath, and abruptly let it out: “And I’m bored, okay? I’ve been a princess for nearly a hundred years. I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on it. I’m ready to buy a smartphone and take an unpaid internship and learn what social media is.”
“You could do all that as a Princess,” Celestia observed. “Nopony is stopping you.”
“I’m stopping me.” Twilight snorted, and turned her head away.
Celestia considered that for some time.
“I think,” she finally said, “I will tell them I poisoned your tea with a vile draught that pulled you into an eternal sleep. Cureable only by a hero who is pure of heart.”
Twilight looked back.
“Well,” Celestia said, her tone practical. “We need some way to bring you back to life after you get bored of mortality again.”
That was a rather clever interpretation of the prompt—it definitely kept my interest. And it also poses a really fascinating question about status and culture. All that said, I had a sort of hard time believing that Twilight, or Celestia for that matter, would be approaching this with such an air of levity. I understand that it's a hundred years in the future, so that's plenty of time for their characters to change, but everything about their characters lines up with what I have in my mind except for the levity and nonchalance they approach the subject with.
I'll grant that it was a very interesting read, and pretty well-written to boot, but I just can't reconcile it with the characters of Twilight and Celestia, personally. Maybe that's just me, though.
I'll grant that it was a very interesting read, and pretty well-written to boot, but I just can't reconcile it with the characters of Twilight and Celestia, personally. Maybe that's just me, though.
You have now left me with the mental image of a crotchety old Twilight trying (and failing) to use a smartphone. And Facebook. I'm sure the friend system would confound her.
Also, how could Twilight have an unpaid internship and be Princess at the same time?
Anyway, this is definitely a different interpretation from most of the other things I've read and has no obvious problem spots mechanically. A fun piece all around.
Also, how could Twilight have an unpaid internship and be Princess at the same time?
Anyway, this is definitely a different interpretation from most of the other things I've read and has no obvious problem spots mechanically. A fun piece all around.
An amusing look into the future. While it’s sad to see Twilight couldn’t maintain more personal ties to the mortal world, it does make a tragic sort of sense. Immortality comes with more than a little social awkwardness, even for the Princess of Friendship. And given that title, Twilight won’t be content with watching civilization progress from some ivory tower. I especially love Celestia’s eventual response. Very reasonable, very selfless, and more than a little out of touch for a modern age. Entirely appropriate.
In all, a superb bleak comedy. I don’t usually use the tier-based rating system, but this one is a top contender in my book. (Though I have to ask, where's Spike? I'm not expecting him to be a major part of pony society, but I would expect him to still be alive a century after the show.)
In all, a superb bleak comedy. I don’t usually use the tier-based rating system, but this one is a top contender in my book. (Though I have to ask, where's Spike? I'm not expecting him to be a major part of pony society, but I would expect him to still be alive a century after the show.)
Okay, this is a high ender for me. The only real suggestion I have is for Celestia to say 'A vile sorceress poisoned your tea' or something similar; same ending, but without the PR disaster having Celestia do it would cause.
Simply. This was my favorite. Time isn't very abundant for me right now, but I felt this story deserved at least a comment from me.
Bias not included, this was easily one of the better ones in the competition. It was well-written, the prose was pretty, the story was nice and concise all the while having beautiful exchanges of dialogue encompassed by what I think to be the best description I've read for this round. I loved the premise, and the execution was smooth and managed to incorporate some well-placed, embellishing humor on this already spectacular minific.
"No such thing as perfect." Yeah, sure, but from a reader's perspective, I didn't have a single issue with the story, and I won't try to find any criticism to offer, because then I'd be devaluing what I believe to be the best fic (at least from the ones I've read) this Writeoff round. Know what the say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Awesome Job! And I really wanna know who wrote this one, because I have a few questions for the author. Nice work, mate! Calling it right now, top five easy, and my bet for the top fic.
Bias not included, this was easily one of the better ones in the competition. It was well-written, the prose was pretty, the story was nice and concise all the while having beautiful exchanges of dialogue encompassed by what I think to be the best description I've read for this round. I loved the premise, and the execution was smooth and managed to incorporate some well-placed, embellishing humor on this already spectacular minific.
"No such thing as perfect." Yeah, sure, but from a reader's perspective, I didn't have a single issue with the story, and I won't try to find any criticism to offer, because then I'd be devaluing what I believe to be the best fic (at least from the ones I've read) this Writeoff round. Know what the say: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Awesome Job! And I really wanna know who wrote this one, because I have a few questions for the author. Nice work, mate! Calling it right now, top five easy, and my bet for the top fic.
Great story. Agree with >>Morning Sun that Celestia shouldn't actually be the fall gal, although IMHO Celestia was joking. Both seem in-character to me. The writing is great. Celestia's final line is funny and practical, and also undercuts everything Twilight said by suggesting she's just going thru a phase (those unsettled aught years).
... but how did you know about my enthusiasm for bicycles?
... but how did you know about my enthusiasm for bicycles?
Ooooor, they could have her attacked by a psychic parasite which causes her to publicly fight with Celestia, who then seals her in the m--
Oh wait, they did that one already, didn't they.
This was really good. Excellent character work all around, enough arc to keep me interested, and a hook! More stores need hooks. Nice work!
Oh wait, they did that one already, didn't they.
This was really good. Excellent character work all around, enough arc to keep me interested, and a hook! More stores need hooks. Nice work!
This was great. I really have nothing much to add to what has already been said, except that I too see both Celestia and Twilight as being in-character.
This will be very high on my slate.
This will be very high on my slate.
It's a beautiful story, no doubt, but I'm not entirely sold on the way the princesses talk to each other. They seem to see each other as equals and completely trust each other, and Twilight seems remarkably sure of herself.
Now I don't have any problem logically believing that this would be the way they behave after a hundred years as fellow princesses, but when I read this story I didn't get to see all those years. I just found a Twilight that had grown up so much that she didn't feel like the character I know anymore.
To make it easier to connect new Twilight to old Twilight, maybe cut back on the really informal stuff like "that wasn’t like, her thing", and have her retain a bit more of her old insecurities - e.g. Celestia's approval always was a huge deal to old Twi, and new Twi could express at least a little regard for it.
Now I don't have any problem logically believing that this would be the way they behave after a hundred years as fellow princesses, but when I read this story I didn't get to see all those years. I just found a Twilight that had grown up so much that she didn't feel like the character I know anymore.
To make it easier to connect new Twilight to old Twilight, maybe cut back on the really informal stuff like "that wasn’t like, her thing", and have her retain a bit more of her old insecurities - e.g. Celestia's approval always was a huge deal to old Twi, and new Twi could express at least a little regard for it.
Hmm, I dunno. I appreciate the quality of writing presented in the immortality blues here, but it never quite makes an emotional connection for me. It's like she cares a lot about the things she wants to do, but she doesn't spend much time convincing me that she cares about the ponies around her, or those she's lost. Without that, it doesn't really sound recognizable as Twilight.
Tier: Needs Work
Tier: Needs Work
Death Party — A+ — First Impression: Another All My Friends Have Died story, but this one has some light-hearted levity in it. Interesting. (+) The rest is picture perfect, kept on the light side, with proper grammar and no real potholes. She even has a legit point, as a princess cannot experience life the way a mortal can, and Celestia has a point that at some time, she’s going to get bored of that too. One might wonder if Celestia went through a century or two of this.
Well, it's a shame that this wasn't on my slate, because it would definitely have gotten a high score. I was actually expecting a few stories of this nature... A funeral or the like, and the premise being that Princesses are not included in this sort of thing. Though I was expecting something a bit more somber and depressing.
This took the same general sort of idea, and ran with it in a completely different direction. I love how you have immortal angst... but you know, not really. I mean, Twilight isn't terribly upset about the fact that she's an immortal princess and has, and will continue to, outlive all her friends and loved ones... She's upset about the fact that being a princess keeps her separated from everyone else, and all the exciting things going on in the world right now!
If anything, this is more like.. Anti Immortality Angst. And it's well written, with excellent characterizations of both Twilight and Celestia. Very well done, and definitely deserves its medal. :)
This took the same general sort of idea, and ran with it in a completely different direction. I love how you have immortal angst... but you know, not really. I mean, Twilight isn't terribly upset about the fact that she's an immortal princess and has, and will continue to, outlive all her friends and loved ones... She's upset about the fact that being a princess keeps her separated from everyone else, and all the exciting things going on in the world right now!
If anything, this is more like.. Anti Immortality Angst. And it's well written, with excellent characterizations of both Twilight and Celestia. Very well done, and definitely deserves its medal. :)