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Show rules for this event
Radio Writeoff recordings!
Radio Writeoff - Under the Sun - First Part
Radio Writeoff - Under the Sun - Second Part
We covered three stories:
The Archetypist
A Walk Beyond the Stars
And Not Pick One
This is a rough, basically unedited recording; I only chopped the beginning and end to length. We didn't have the energy or coordination for more, sorry. In the future, technology and energy permitting, we may do two releases; a quick and rough one, and a more polished one.
Due to technical difficulties, the recording is in two pieces.The first one is the first two stories, the second one is the last. The second part was graciously provided by Rao. My laptop wasn't cooperating nicely. Thanks Rao!
Let me know if these links aren't working, I'll try and fix them.
Bah, I'm sleepy and wrapped up in a bloated manuscript, so as much as I'd like to finish my reviews tonight, I'm afraid I probably won't be able to. I'll give a mini-review to each of the stories that didn't make finals, and give more detailed feedback on the finalists, starting tomorrow.
I did read through everyone's entries, though. We had a good batch this time around. Not that mediocrity is the norm, but the overall quality of the stories I read this round seemed a bit... sharper.
I did read through everyone's entries, though. We had a good batch this time around. Not that mediocrity is the norm, but the overall quality of the stories I read this round seemed a bit... sharper.
Well, I made, like, one throwaway comment, and then I was going to do a bunch of reviewing and then life ate my brain. Oops.
+N to everyone who's participating. See you next round, maybe? (Maybe.)
+N to everyone who's participating. See you next round, maybe? (Maybe.)
Writeoff Mash-Ups: Preliminary Edition
Trouble! No Brakes for 72 Hours: Troubleshoes' investigation into the disappearance of Blueblood leads him to board a train bound for a place called Quifons. He's not sure what that is, or where it is, or of many of the specifics surrounding his work. All he knows is that it's been three days, this train hasn't stopped once, it's snowing outside, and all the other passengers keep glancing at his neck...
THAUMIC FIRES: The Game! It's the boardgame conflagration that's sweeping the nation! It's Thaumic Fires: The Game! Study up and roll the dice for a chance to land on one of thirty whimsical tiles, each one presenting a different opportunity to be rendered a pony-shaped carbon crisp.
The Fool and the Waterline: Neigh Digger's mission to find the Elements of Harmony goes poorly, until he encounters a dreadlocked witch who offers him a tarot reading. Of course, he isn't carrying any money, or anything beyond non-perishable food, so the majority of the story is just the two of them haggling over bread crumbs.
Unsolicited Ghost Remedies: "Look at this, Princess," said Twilight, holding up a letter. "It's an ad from the human world for Sugarcoat's ghost-whacking business. If I can get in touch with her, I might be able to persuade her to come to Equestria, and beat this phoenix dust problem out of you with an old baseball bat!"
"Whiieeeeerherherherherher," Celestia whinneyed, bumping Twilight's hoof with her nose. Twilight sighed and slid another slice of apple into her mouth.
Trouble! No Brakes for 72 Hours: Troubleshoes' investigation into the disappearance of Blueblood leads him to board a train bound for a place called Quifons. He's not sure what that is, or where it is, or of many of the specifics surrounding his work. All he knows is that it's been three days, this train hasn't stopped once, it's snowing outside, and all the other passengers keep glancing at his neck...
THAUMIC FIRES: The Game! It's the boardgame conflagration that's sweeping the nation! It's Thaumic Fires: The Game! Study up and roll the dice for a chance to land on one of thirty whimsical tiles, each one presenting a different opportunity to be rendered a pony-shaped carbon crisp.
The Fool and the Waterline: Neigh Digger's mission to find the Elements of Harmony goes poorly, until he encounters a dreadlocked witch who offers him a tarot reading. Of course, he isn't carrying any money, or anything beyond non-perishable food, so the majority of the story is just the two of them haggling over bread crumbs.
Unsolicited Ghost Remedies: "Look at this, Princess," said Twilight, holding up a letter. "It's an ad from the human world for Sugarcoat's ghost-whacking business. If I can get in touch with her, I might be able to persuade her to come to Equestria, and beat this phoenix dust problem out of you with an old baseball bat!"
"Whiieeeeerherherherherher," Celestia whinneyed, bumping Twilight's hoof with her nose. Twilight sighed and slid another slice of apple into her mouth.
I meant to get reviews written on Saturday night, then didn't get home until 2 am and wanted to at least do mash-ups instead, then fell asleep and was gone all day Sunday, then had company Sunday night … long story short, >>Posh beat me to mash-ups, and it's great to see I wasn't the only one thinking of them!
NO BRAKES: A PRACTICAL APPROACH — Your approach to uncontrolled automotive motion should vary greatly depending on the source of the difficulties in stopping. If your brakes have burst into magical flame, see our previous guide. If your vehicle is being controlled by an underage driver, relax, as they are most likely taking you to Quifons. If you are currently in midair, rest assured that sudden deceleration is immediately inevitable.
The Roe King's Trouble — Now I can understand y’all might be upset about some unlucky archaeologist liberatin’ your artifact of limitless power, sir. But I’d be powerful obliged if you’d just unfreeze time and let me make my wishes before you start flingin' round them death curses.
The Unsolicited Archetypist — IS YOUR MARE DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR DR*EAMS? Give her the best s-l-e-e-p of her life with SOMINOL! Dre.am faster, harder, more viv!d, like the stallion you always knew you could be! Visit www.BestDreamsCheap.q TODAY
To Bring Back The Sun And Not Pick One — Ember Spark visits the sun's resting place on the distant horizon — only to discover that the sun is actually AU her, and that as imperfect as she is she's actually a better Ember than that lazy-ass shirker.
Unexpected Hazards Of A Gem Beneath — Sunset Shimmer gets a concussion and falls in love with Amethyst Star … and then her girlfriend Marble Pie shows up. They have a threesome. Oroboro's squeeing is audible from orbit.
A Walk Beyond the Stars: A Cantata Mezza Voce — Floating letters of fire coalesce in the dream-realm alongside you. WALK, they say. "Where?" you ask, clutching your cello nervously. My red eyes narrow. The letters thicken.
The Nightmare Remedies — "Hreeeeheehhweewheeawh spheehee hwwrrhmmph!" the on-stage Celestia said, and Pomade could see the dark alicorn in the back of the auditorium frowning a little harder. Maybe, he thought, my next play shouldn't focus quite so strenuously on historical accuracy.
NO BRAKES: A PRACTICAL APPROACH — Your approach to uncontrolled automotive motion should vary greatly depending on the source of the difficulties in stopping. If your brakes have burst into magical flame, see our previous guide. If your vehicle is being controlled by an underage driver, relax, as they are most likely taking you to Quifons. If you are currently in midair, rest assured that sudden deceleration is immediately inevitable.
The Roe King's Trouble — Now I can understand y’all might be upset about some unlucky archaeologist liberatin’ your artifact of limitless power, sir. But I’d be powerful obliged if you’d just unfreeze time and let me make my wishes before you start flingin' round them death curses.
The Unsolicited Archetypist — IS YOUR MARE DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR DR*EAMS? Give her the best s-l-e-e-p of her life with SOMINOL! Dre.am faster, harder, more viv!d, like the stallion you always knew you could be! Visit www.BestDreamsCheap.q TODAY
To Bring Back The Sun And Not Pick One — Ember Spark visits the sun's resting place on the distant horizon — only to discover that the sun is actually AU her, and that as imperfect as she is she's actually a better Ember than that lazy-ass shirker.
Unexpected Hazards Of A Gem Beneath — Sunset Shimmer gets a concussion and falls in love with Amethyst Star … and then her girlfriend Marble Pie shows up. They have a threesome. Oroboro's squeeing is audible from orbit.
A Walk Beyond the Stars: A Cantata Mezza Voce — Floating letters of fire coalesce in the dream-realm alongside you. WALK, they say. "Where?" you ask, clutching your cello nervously. My red eyes narrow. The letters thicken.
The Nightmare Remedies — "Hreeeeheehhweewheeawh spheehee hwwrrhmmph!" the on-stage Celestia said, and Pomade could see the dark alicorn in the back of the auditorium frowning a little harder. Maybe, he thought, my next play shouldn't focus quite so strenuously on historical accuracy.
>>Fenton
Get me a hypertime bubble to write and review in and then we'll talk about "surely". :-P
Get me a hypertime bubble to write and review in and then we'll talk about "surely". :-P
Preliminary Reviews: Make-Up Lightning Round Edition
Unsolicited: A premise that holds potential, but which doesn't really capitalize on it. After the first letter, I thought that it'd be a slightly comic, slightly poignant, take on an Equestrian mail-dating service, which I was looking forward to. But it kinda clings to a "safe" approach of just, as >>Xepher put it, ponified spam.
I'd enjoy a story like that, I think, if it offered some insight into the characters and institutions of Equestria. But as is, though it's at times amusing, it's not really substantial.
THAUMIC FIRES: A PRACTICAL APPROACH: I hate to gang up on bloons (sorry, dude), but...
As with my previous review, I think this would have succeeded if it'd been written in a particular character's voice, and if it had done something more to offer insight into that character, or institutions, or events in Equestria. A spin on what would, otherwise, have just been dry technical writing. It's world-building without context right now; I would have liked to see world-building with context, however. What events prompted the authorship of this manual?
The Fool and the Sun: Some fresh imagery, but it's not really enough for me to shake the feeling that this ground is well-beaten enough as is. I don't mind revisiting a good cliche (and this particular subject matter was already saturated with entries long before EqG; just swap out Sunset Shimmer with S1 Luna), so long as it brings something unique to the subject matter.
I don't see that. It's done okay. It's not bad, by any means. But despite the (admittedly creative) set-up, it didn't capture me, I'm sorry.
No Brakes: ...I identify strongly with Twilight, because I have no idea what's going on, despite how earnestly the story is trying to explain what's going on. The situation is only exacerbated by the abrupt finish... which, I think, only exists to give this story its title.
Props, however, for doing something witty with Zecora's dialogue; I liked when she had to pause to think of how to maintain her rhyme scheme (at least, I think that's what's going on there).
Looking for Trouble: My, this is a time for crack pairings, isn't it? :P I really like Troubleshoes here, but this story suffers from some of the same issues as No Brakes. Namely, an abrupt finish that doesn't resolve the story's central conflict, and a series of unanswered (and, indeed, unexplored) questions.
And that's all for my preliminary reviews. I'll try to take some more time for the finalists in the next few days.
Unsolicited: A premise that holds potential, but which doesn't really capitalize on it. After the first letter, I thought that it'd be a slightly comic, slightly poignant, take on an Equestrian mail-dating service, which I was looking forward to. But it kinda clings to a "safe" approach of just, as >>Xepher put it, ponified spam.
I'd enjoy a story like that, I think, if it offered some insight into the characters and institutions of Equestria. But as is, though it's at times amusing, it's not really substantial.
THAUMIC FIRES: A PRACTICAL APPROACH: I hate to gang up on bloons (sorry, dude), but...
As with my previous review, I think this would have succeeded if it'd been written in a particular character's voice, and if it had done something more to offer insight into that character, or institutions, or events in Equestria. A spin on what would, otherwise, have just been dry technical writing. It's world-building without context right now; I would have liked to see world-building with context, however. What events prompted the authorship of this manual?
The Fool and the Sun: Some fresh imagery, but it's not really enough for me to shake the feeling that this ground is well-beaten enough as is. I don't mind revisiting a good cliche (and this particular subject matter was already saturated with entries long before EqG; just swap out Sunset Shimmer with S1 Luna), so long as it brings something unique to the subject matter.
I don't see that. It's done okay. It's not bad, by any means. But despite the (admittedly creative) set-up, it didn't capture me, I'm sorry.
No Brakes: ...I identify strongly with Twilight, because I have no idea what's going on, despite how earnestly the story is trying to explain what's going on. The situation is only exacerbated by the abrupt finish... which, I think, only exists to give this story its title.
Props, however, for doing something witty with Zecora's dialogue; I liked when she had to pause to think of how to maintain her rhyme scheme (at least, I think that's what's going on there).
Looking for Trouble: My, this is a time for crack pairings, isn't it? :P I really like Troubleshoes here, but this story suffers from some of the same issues as No Brakes. Namely, an abrupt finish that doesn't resolve the story's central conflict, and a series of unanswered (and, indeed, unexplored) questions.
And that's all for my preliminary reviews. I'll try to take some more time for the finalists in the next few days.
>>Posh
I wasn't sure how to do a clearer ending for Trouble while staying in the perspective and narrative structure that the rest of it is told in. Would it be jarring to have an epilogue where it jumps out to a third-person conversation between Sunset and Berry to wrap things up?
I wasn't sure how to do a clearer ending for Trouble while staying in the perspective and narrative structure that the rest of it is told in. Would it be jarring to have an epilogue where it jumps out to a third-person conversation between Sunset and Berry to wrap things up?
>>CoffeeMinion It would be, yes. Maybe examining the mystery itself would be the better course of action. There are a handful of hints pointing toward what's going on, but they're vague, and nothing really happens to bring them all into focus and explain just why things are going the way that they are.
Maybe a little more set-up regarding Blueblood, and a little more of Troubleshoes putting the pieces together as he's exploring the town, would improve the resolution. Maybe something to justify Sunset's presence at the end, too (and to indicate that it IS Sunnybuns, of all people, taking an interest in Troubleshoes's activity).
It's also unclear to me just why she'd consider killing Troubleshoes. With Blueblood found dead, there's not much reason for him to stick around and keep causing trouble in the town. Killing him would only draw more attention to Sunset's little fiefdom, and lead to more strangers poking their noses around.
Maybe a little more set-up regarding Blueblood, and a little more of Troubleshoes putting the pieces together as he's exploring the town, would improve the resolution. Maybe something to justify Sunset's presence at the end, too (and to indicate that it IS Sunnybuns, of all people, taking an interest in Troubleshoes's activity).
It's also unclear to me just why she'd consider killing Troubleshoes. With Blueblood found dead, there's not much reason for him to stick around and keep causing trouble in the town. Killing him would only draw more attention to Sunset's little fiefdom, and lead to more strangers poking their noses around.
And with my reviews finally out of the way, it's time for...
Writeoff Mash-Ups: Finals Edition!
A Gem Beneath the Archetypist: "Do you remember what we used to be like?" Sunset whispered, stroking a hand ending in hoofed fingers through Marble's splendid gemstone-mane.
"Nnnumm."
Tales from Another Sun: And Not Pick One: "I changed my mind. I don't want your job. Please excuse me."
Ember's hooves clopped loudly on the linoleum as she shuffled out of the office, not sparing Captain-Vice-Principal Celestia, or the angry, red-hued profanities that she slashed in the air, another glance.
A Walk Beyond the Nightmare Macabre: "Oh. You.
"I hadn't expected to see you again, so soon after our last conversation. You've started writing that manuscript, have you? Great. Just great. A musical number? I... don't see why not, though I must admit, the musical genre has never made much sense to me.
"...Because why would ponies pay money to watch one another break out into song when they do that habitually, and on a daily basis, Pomade? Yes, you see my point. Now, if you'll just stop staring at my hindquarters, I'll remove those sidlegrents from your impressively swollen mammary glands. Don't worry, your dreams are completely confidential; I won't tell Bloom. But, between you and I, if you knew what she dreamed about, you wouldn't be so self-conscious."
Unexpected Hazards of the Roe King's Tomb: Luna pressed her lips against the faun's in a wet, clumsy kiss. It was her first, ever, an awkward and unromantic imitation of what she'd seen grown-ups do to one another. But when she pulled away, she saw the Roe King smiling.
"Yes," he whispered, his cheeks aglow. "Of course I'll go to the wedding with you."
They vanished, leaving Celestia alone in the tomb with a terminal binder-blow to the head.
"Hrrumpum," she nickered as she lost consciousness.
Writeoff Mash-Ups: Finals Edition!
A Gem Beneath the Archetypist: "Do you remember what we used to be like?" Sunset whispered, stroking a hand ending in hoofed fingers through Marble's splendid gemstone-mane.
"Nnnumm."
Tales from Another Sun: And Not Pick One: "I changed my mind. I don't want your job. Please excuse me."
Ember's hooves clopped loudly on the linoleum as she shuffled out of the office, not sparing Captain-Vice-Principal Celestia, or the angry, red-hued profanities that she slashed in the air, another glance.
A Walk Beyond the Nightmare Macabre: "Oh. You.
"I hadn't expected to see you again, so soon after our last conversation. You've started writing that manuscript, have you? Great. Just great. A musical number? I... don't see why not, though I must admit, the musical genre has never made much sense to me.
"...Because why would ponies pay money to watch one another break out into song when they do that habitually, and on a daily basis, Pomade? Yes, you see my point. Now, if you'll just stop staring at my hindquarters, I'll remove those sidlegrents from your impressively swollen mammary glands. Don't worry, your dreams are completely confidential; I won't tell Bloom. But, between you and I, if you knew what she dreamed about, you wouldn't be so self-conscious."
Unexpected Hazards of the Roe King's Tomb: Luna pressed her lips against the faun's in a wet, clumsy kiss. It was her first, ever, an awkward and unromantic imitation of what she'd seen grown-ups do to one another. But when she pulled away, she saw the Roe King smiling.
"Yes," he whispered, his cheeks aglow. "Of course I'll go to the wedding with you."
They vanished, leaving Celestia alone in the tomb with a terminal binder-blow to the head.
"Hrrumpum," she nickered as she lost consciousness.