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Fun! · Original Short Story ·
Organised by RogerDodger
Word limit 2000–8000
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#1 · 2
· · >>Baal Bunny
Hahaha!
Stories!
#2 · 2
·
>>Zaid Val'Roa

But first:

Pictures!

Mike
#3 · 2
· · >>Baal Bunny
I am in.
#4 · 2
· · >>Baal Bunny
I main.
#5 · 1
· on 8 Track Mind
This robot intimidates me.
Its gaze tells me it knows more than I can possibly imagine. The fact that it has clear "Yes" and "No" answers, yet also has the option to request additional information shows me that it has attained a level of wisdom where it has trascended complacency and acknowledges the quest for knowledge is neverending. I am in awe of it.
Also, that's a baller sun.
#6 · 2
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony
>>Zaid Val'Roa

You two:

Are the best. I mean, the best. Looking through the gallery for the first time, I got three different story ideas--bam!--just like that!

Mike
#7 · 1
· on 'Ave a Laugh
Don't think you'll get away with this one, artist. -_- I see that horse head in the back and this is not a horse round...

In all seriousness, the style fits well with this one. Especially the crayon jet trail. I like that touch. Sure looks like fun!
#8 · 1
· on Ready for a Night Out
If a party doesn't end with a skeleton wearing a hat, can it really be said you're partying?
#9 · 1
· on Fun!
The fun has been fractaled! Or this is a glimpse into an alternate teeth dimension. She is all mouth and she must smile.
Tier: Zn+1
#10 · 1
· on 'Ave a Laugh
Fortunately, at least one set of teeth was left over from the previous artwork. The colors are having so much fun that they are escaping the lines and people are starting to transform into fireworks, fighter jets, and horses. Too much fun to be safe.
Tier: F-22
#11 · 1
· on 8 Track Mind
The enigmatic robot squats Buddha-like, encouraging you to press the Mu-button. The sun may disassemble into two sets of pieces which can be reassembled into two full suns, ala Banach-Tarski. Even so, no more illumination may be shed upon the central problem.
Tier:Vintage
#12 · 1
· on There's No Party Like A Weeb Party 'Cause Weeb Parties Are Kawai
The clipart causes temporary duplication of the present, and not even the Excellent Prismatic Spray can disperse the concentrated multiplicity.
Tier: Weebstep
#13 · 1
· on A Tangled Tail
The fuzziness reaches new depths of yarntum entanglement.
Tier: Purrceptual
#14 · 1
· on Ready for a Night Out
Linux user rises from the beyond to debate distros with you.
Tier: ddrescue -f /dev/hades /dev/corpus
#15 ·
· on Ready for a Night Out
What is a Skeleton's favorite snack? Probs should bring spare ribs to this party...

Love the brick in the background and the lighting. Makes it seem like an underground club where a standup comedian would be doing their routine.
#16 ·
· on 8 Track Mind
Robot voice: Fun? What is this fun you speak of?

Seems like 20 questions to me, is it? I may be completely off. Altogether, I like the relation to the prompt, you, the human are having fun playing with the robot, but the robot doesn't have fun, because fun is beyond their comprehension. Kinda makes you feel hollow, doesn't it?

...Or I may be overanalyzing... lol
#17 · 1
· on Fun!
Psychadelic! (I hope I'm spelling that correct... or the alternate... it's not a word and I'm the one having problems).

I wonder, how many different smiles did you use to make this one? Also, I wonder what program/tool was used to fractal this? (If you don't want to say, then I understand, a good magician never reveals their tricks).
#18 · 1
· on There's No Party Like A Weeb Party 'Cause Weeb Parties Are Kawai
I wonder what they are listening to? Caramelladansen (I know, I butchered the name, I'm not well-versed in Weeb just yet.) might be it.

Fairly simple, but simple I like! The strobe lights are cleverly put it, and upon closer look, you can see some hidden, just like if you were in the room with them!
#19 ·
· on A Tangled Tail
To add on GGA's post, string theory!

Kitty loves it, you can see it right in their expression! That, plus the yarn is a nice touch (I can't draw tangles like that to save my life, except a scribbly ball).


Now, the problem is getting untangled... hmm...
#20 ·
· · >>Baal Bunny
I had a good fic idea one day too late. Salute, BB.
#21 · 2
·
>>GroaningGreyAgony

Post it anyway!

Put it in a Google Doc and put the link in the comments here! Rebel against that tyrant, Time!

Mike
#22 · 1
· on The Memory of Pie · >>Baal Bunny
Nobody's going to contribute reviews?

It's a good idea for your first sentence to have a fair amount of focus so it's only trying to communicate one clear image. There is an acronym you sometimes see for what kinds of things a first sentence ought to contain: SADS. That stands for setting, action, dialogue, statement. It's possible to do all 4, but you normally want to focus on 1 or 2 of those and let any of the others that appear be fleeting. You're doing all 4, but it lingers on them all quite a bit, that by the end of it, I'm not sure which of those pieces you want to stick in my head most. It's rare that rambly first sentences work that well, and I think this one's trying to do too much.

It's not until your third paragraph that it's apparent who holds the perspective. Once I do know, it's not that the first two don't work from Rose's viewpoint. It's just that I can't tell it's hers until then. The first is pretty neutral. The second sounds more like it's Charnikov, since it talks to what he likes about her. That's information he'd readily have, but I don't know enough about her yet to judge whether she'd know it. I think it'd help if you made it clearer in paragraph 1 who's going to hold the viewpoint.

At least, she assumed that's what he'd done.

Authors routinely use "that's" as past tense, but it isn't. There are a couple of other typos I see, but you'll no doubt catch them yourself.

I can't help but hear Charnikov's dialogue in King of Demons' voice from The Owl House.

Interesting choice to name the cat after a bird's body part.

There's no doubt who wrote this, as it has your usual whimsical look at a mix of adorable and unsavory characters. It's as cute as I would have expected.
#23 · 1
· on The Memory of Pie · >>Baal Bunny
Thanks for taking my images and weaving this charming little tale from them!
#24 ·
· on The Memory of Pie
>>Pascoite
>>GroaningGreyAgony

Thanks, folks!

My other writing group said they'd like a little more at the end, too, so I'll sharpen up the top and the bottom and see if I can't get someone to give me some money for it!

Mike