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Down With The Sickness
Big Chad sat up straight on a padded table in the doctor's office. He stood six-foot-five in the weight room and on the gridiron, but in here he looked like a lost little boy.
Chad's eyes were wide and moist, and his face was downcast. As he waited for the doctor, he sat on his hands, kicking his legs feebly to pass the time. The light in the room was harsh, like an antiseptic, and the sterile visions of needles and gloves unsettled him.
After a wait, the doctor entered the room. He was a short, round-faced man in his sixties, but despite his age he exuded life, energy and focus.
"Chad? Good to meet you. I'm Dr. Sonneborn." He spoke with a welcoming voice, and extended his hand in a polite and friendly way. Chad, looking up, shook it quickly and firmly, grateful for the warmth of the human contact.
"Nice to meet you, doctor," said Chad, weakly.
Dr. Sonneborn glanced down at a clipboard before continuing. "To be frank, Chad, I was looking over your file that the nurse gave me, but I'm not sure I understand the complaint—so I'd rather just hear it from you directly, if that's okay." The doctor tossed down his clipboard onto a table and sat down on a swivel chair backwards. He leaned forward, over the back of the chair, and folded his arms under his chin. "So tell me what brings you to our office today." The doctor's eyes were sharp, clear, and deep.
Chad took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh, averting his eyes. Then he cleared his throat and swallowed.
"I'm here because I have a problem." Another sigh. "A problem with, uh..."
The doctor remained silent and attentive, with an open expression.
At last, Chad spit it out. "I have a problem with self-touching."
"Self-touching?" Dr. Sonneborn gave a quizzical look. "Just so we're clear, are we talking about masturbation?"
Chad winced at the technical word. "Yeah... that."
"Okay, okay," Dr. Sonneborn nodded sagely. "Can you tell me a little bit more? Tell me what makes it a problem for you to masturbate?" He picked up a notepad and clicked a pen.
Chad opened his mouth, but closed it again without finding words. There was no eloquent way to say it. "I... do it."
"And?"
"Th-That's the problem."
Dr. Sonneborn's eyes widened. He thought for a moment before deciding what line of questioning to take.
"How many times in a normal week would you say you masturbate?"
Chad fidgeted in his seat, suddenly feeling intensely uncomfortable. He glued his eyes to his shoes, and his voice dropped to a murmur. "Once... sometimes twice."
Dr. Sonneborn was puzzled. He set down his notepad and pen. "Well, that's within a normal range for young adults of your age. Ah... so, why do you consider this a problem?"
"Because it is!" thundered Chad, suddenly shooting up off the table and twisting his face into a glare. "It's a massive problem, I hate it, and I want it out of my life!" Big Chad was rather intimidating when he stood at his full height.
The doctor was disconcerted, but remained outwardly serene. "I don't think it's a problem at all, Chad," he said, with a sympathetic look. "Honestly, I think you're a completely normal and healthy young man, and I don't think you need to change how you're doing anything."
The doctor's words broke through Chad's glare, and in that brief moment, his eyes were wide and soft, like a child's. But the look of disgust that followed it was withering.
"Ah, okay," hissed Chad, who was practically baring his fangs. "So you're another one of them. I know your type."
Big Chad stormed out of the room and down the hallway, making his leave. As he passed the front office, he turned and let out a cry: "You don't understand!"
He barreled out the front door and into the drizzle and fog outside. As soon as he reached the street, however, he crumpled, and began crying real tears. A strange sight, it was, to see such an intimidating man crying in public.
Kneeling on the gravelly sidewalk, with his back straight and his body forward, Chad looked up to to the sky and saw a flash of lightning and, soon after, heard the accompanying peal of thunder.
Then, with his eyes to heaven and the rain falling on his face, he bellowed: "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!!!"
Chad's eyes were wide and moist, and his face was downcast. As he waited for the doctor, he sat on his hands, kicking his legs feebly to pass the time. The light in the room was harsh, like an antiseptic, and the sterile visions of needles and gloves unsettled him.
After a wait, the doctor entered the room. He was a short, round-faced man in his sixties, but despite his age he exuded life, energy and focus.
"Chad? Good to meet you. I'm Dr. Sonneborn." He spoke with a welcoming voice, and extended his hand in a polite and friendly way. Chad, looking up, shook it quickly and firmly, grateful for the warmth of the human contact.
"Nice to meet you, doctor," said Chad, weakly.
Dr. Sonneborn glanced down at a clipboard before continuing. "To be frank, Chad, I was looking over your file that the nurse gave me, but I'm not sure I understand the complaint—so I'd rather just hear it from you directly, if that's okay." The doctor tossed down his clipboard onto a table and sat down on a swivel chair backwards. He leaned forward, over the back of the chair, and folded his arms under his chin. "So tell me what brings you to our office today." The doctor's eyes were sharp, clear, and deep.
Chad took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh, averting his eyes. Then he cleared his throat and swallowed.
"I'm here because I have a problem." Another sigh. "A problem with, uh..."
The doctor remained silent and attentive, with an open expression.
At last, Chad spit it out. "I have a problem with self-touching."
"Self-touching?" Dr. Sonneborn gave a quizzical look. "Just so we're clear, are we talking about masturbation?"
Chad winced at the technical word. "Yeah... that."
"Okay, okay," Dr. Sonneborn nodded sagely. "Can you tell me a little bit more? Tell me what makes it a problem for you to masturbate?" He picked up a notepad and clicked a pen.
Chad opened his mouth, but closed it again without finding words. There was no eloquent way to say it. "I... do it."
"And?"
"Th-That's the problem."
Dr. Sonneborn's eyes widened. He thought for a moment before deciding what line of questioning to take.
"How many times in a normal week would you say you masturbate?"
Chad fidgeted in his seat, suddenly feeling intensely uncomfortable. He glued his eyes to his shoes, and his voice dropped to a murmur. "Once... sometimes twice."
Dr. Sonneborn was puzzled. He set down his notepad and pen. "Well, that's within a normal range for young adults of your age. Ah... so, why do you consider this a problem?"
"Because it is!" thundered Chad, suddenly shooting up off the table and twisting his face into a glare. "It's a massive problem, I hate it, and I want it out of my life!" Big Chad was rather intimidating when he stood at his full height.
The doctor was disconcerted, but remained outwardly serene. "I don't think it's a problem at all, Chad," he said, with a sympathetic look. "Honestly, I think you're a completely normal and healthy young man, and I don't think you need to change how you're doing anything."
The doctor's words broke through Chad's glare, and in that brief moment, his eyes were wide and soft, like a child's. But the look of disgust that followed it was withering.
"Ah, okay," hissed Chad, who was practically baring his fangs. "So you're another one of them. I know your type."
Big Chad stormed out of the room and down the hallway, making his leave. As he passed the front office, he turned and let out a cry: "You don't understand!"
He barreled out the front door and into the drizzle and fog outside. As soon as he reached the street, however, he crumpled, and began crying real tears. A strange sight, it was, to see such an intimidating man crying in public.
Kneeling on the gravelly sidewalk, with his back straight and his body forward, Chad looked up to to the sky and saw a flash of lightning and, soon after, heard the accompanying peal of thunder.
Then, with his eyes to heaven and the rain falling on his face, he bellowed: "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS!!!"
I don't understand either.
I think this story was going for comedy. It's kind of silly, but I don't think it quite landed. Maybe the doctor could be more sarcastic or something, or the patient explain more about why it's bad, or something. Just something more, I think. I don't mean to exaggerate it to the point of overplaying it, mind, but just to add another element to make the story pop a bit more.
Side note: bold and italicized with all-caps and three exclamation points is a little much :p
I think this story was going for comedy. It's kind of silly, but I don't think it quite landed. Maybe the doctor could be more sarcastic or something, or the patient explain more about why it's bad, or something. Just something more, I think. I don't mean to exaggerate it to the point of overplaying it, mind, but just to add another element to make the story pop a bit more.
Side note: bold and italicized with all-caps and three exclamation points is a little much :p
I'm taking a leap of faith with my reading of this, author. Because reading this story, I also didn't understand, just like >>FrontSevens. I might have laughed a bit more than him at the exceedingly dry humor of this story, but I didn't feel I "got it" my first read through. But I came to a rather interesting conclusion on my second reading.
The joke is that the reader is not intended to understand Chad or his problem, culminating in the completely over-dramatic screaming to the heavens, and by extension, the audience, that nobody understands him. Some people may claim I'm full of shit, but I legitimately think that this was the author's intention to have the humor come from the absolute disconnect from Chad's unexplained and humorously over-the-top disdain for his own masturbatory tendencies. It's sort of a bait and switch, where you keep expecting him to give some sort of reason for his belief, but he simply never does and grows increasingly more agitated that nobody "gets" him.
It's something I feel silly for laughing at, but still worked for me by the end, nonetheless.
>>FrontSevens is right, however, the three exclamation points, italics, and bold was overindulgent. I am never happy to see bold in any context, even if I do feel like this story's conclusion is what ultimately got the laugh out of me. Additionally, you need to work on discreet paragraphing to make sure that each paragraph is contained to one character's action. Currently, the organization of the prose is a bit haphazard with its focus, abruptly transitioning from Chad to the doctor without beginning a new paragraph. Additionally, even though this is hardly a piece intending to impress with extravagant descriptive passages, the description we are given is exceedingly bare-bones and generally flat to extent that I feel it detracts rather than adds color to the piece.
The joke is that the reader is not intended to understand Chad or his problem, culminating in the completely over-dramatic screaming to the heavens, and by extension, the audience, that nobody understands him. Some people may claim I'm full of shit, but I legitimately think that this was the author's intention to have the humor come from the absolute disconnect from Chad's unexplained and humorously over-the-top disdain for his own masturbatory tendencies. It's sort of a bait and switch, where you keep expecting him to give some sort of reason for his belief, but he simply never does and grows increasingly more agitated that nobody "gets" him.
It's something I feel silly for laughing at, but still worked for me by the end, nonetheless.
>>FrontSevens is right, however, the three exclamation points, italics, and bold was overindulgent. I am never happy to see bold in any context, even if I do feel like this story's conclusion is what ultimately got the laugh out of me. Additionally, you need to work on discreet paragraphing to make sure that each paragraph is contained to one character's action. Currently, the organization of the prose is a bit haphazard with its focus, abruptly transitioning from Chad to the doctor without beginning a new paragraph. Additionally, even though this is hardly a piece intending to impress with extravagant descriptive passages, the description we are given is exceedingly bare-bones and generally flat to extent that I feel it detracts rather than adds color to the piece.
Gah, this is not a comedy!
I'm not the writer, but I'm uncomfortable talking about sexual things so I'm using a throwaway account anyway.
This story perfectly encapsulates the shame of male masturbation in a sheltered upbringing. Not everyone grows up in an environment where sexual things are discussed freely, if at all. Some men live sheltered lives where they grow up not knowing the basic functions of their own body parts. They find themselves surprised and terrified of what sometimes happens down there, and they don't talk to anyone about it. Masturbation compounds this problem.
In homes with overbearing parents, or a highly religious upbringing, masturbation can be a completely ignored subject. Or it can be actively campaigned against. "That is just not something we do in this house, son." It's more confusing when the young man refuses to ask questions. He just wonders. And all he feels is shame about what is happening to his body.
The story of Big Chad is when a man like that finally gains the courage to talk to someone about it. He goes to an authority figure, a doctor, someone he isn't that familiar with that can give male advice. This is an absolutely terrifying experience for him. This is his secret and something he's incredibly ashamed of admitting.
And the doctor's advice? You're fine.
That is not what Chad expected or wanted to hear. He expected to hear a chastisement for doing such a thing, (like he might if he asked his parents). He came to the doctor hoping for some kind of cure for the sickness he had come down with, but instead he was told he wasn't sick.
Then Chad puts this doctor inside of the "other" box. "This so-called 'Doctor' doesn't have the same values as my family or my religion, and thus I can't accept what he has to say. Masturbation may be okay for others, but it's definitely not okay for me."
For most males, hearing from your doctor that "it's okay to masturbate," will feel like a free pass. But for men like Chad, that's not an acceptable response and he felt betrayed that the doctor failed to "cure" him. And he feels incredibly frustrated he doesn't have the words/vocabulary to express that and so all he can say is that "Nobody understands."
This story does a fantastic job expressing Chad's fear, anxiety and shame. It, however, does not explain what Chad has or has not been taught about his own sexuality, which probably would have helped make this story more understandable.
I don't know how the author would "fix it" so that it would make sense to a reader that didn't have a background like Chad's. Perhaps changing it to an omniscient viewpoint would give a chance to explain Chad's background? But... I liked being in Chad's viewpoint.
I dunno, I like it as is, but most people will not understand it which narrows your audience quite a bit.
I'm not the writer, but I'm uncomfortable talking about sexual things so I'm using a throwaway account anyway.
This story perfectly encapsulates the shame of male masturbation in a sheltered upbringing. Not everyone grows up in an environment where sexual things are discussed freely, if at all. Some men live sheltered lives where they grow up not knowing the basic functions of their own body parts. They find themselves surprised and terrified of what sometimes happens down there, and they don't talk to anyone about it. Masturbation compounds this problem.
In homes with overbearing parents, or a highly religious upbringing, masturbation can be a completely ignored subject. Or it can be actively campaigned against. "That is just not something we do in this house, son." It's more confusing when the young man refuses to ask questions. He just wonders. And all he feels is shame about what is happening to his body.
The story of Big Chad is when a man like that finally gains the courage to talk to someone about it. He goes to an authority figure, a doctor, someone he isn't that familiar with that can give male advice. This is an absolutely terrifying experience for him. This is his secret and something he's incredibly ashamed of admitting.
And the doctor's advice? You're fine.
That is not what Chad expected or wanted to hear. He expected to hear a chastisement for doing such a thing, (like he might if he asked his parents). He came to the doctor hoping for some kind of cure for the sickness he had come down with, but instead he was told he wasn't sick.
Then Chad puts this doctor inside of the "other" box. "This so-called 'Doctor' doesn't have the same values as my family or my religion, and thus I can't accept what he has to say. Masturbation may be okay for others, but it's definitely not okay for me."
For most males, hearing from your doctor that "it's okay to masturbate," will feel like a free pass. But for men like Chad, that's not an acceptable response and he felt betrayed that the doctor failed to "cure" him. And he feels incredibly frustrated he doesn't have the words/vocabulary to express that and so all he can say is that "Nobody understands."
This story does a fantastic job expressing Chad's fear, anxiety and shame. It, however, does not explain what Chad has or has not been taught about his own sexuality, which probably would have helped make this story more understandable.
I don't know how the author would "fix it" so that it would make sense to a reader that didn't have a background like Chad's. Perhaps changing it to an omniscient viewpoint would give a chance to explain Chad's background? But... I liked being in Chad's viewpoint.
I dunno, I like it as is, but most people will not understand it which narrows your audience quite a bit.
>>-
I can see your interpretation and definitely can understand reading the first half of the text where you're coming from, and I myself the first time reading this through believed this to be the correct interpretation until I came to the story's conclusion. I guess simply put, I find it hard to believe that the author unintentionally lamp-shaded numerous comedic framing devices, and if the story is intended to be a more down-to-earth and sensitive portrayal of a man from an extremely conservative upbringing, the ending is completely tonally inappropriate, particularly with the thunder, rain, and lightning. Additionally there is the problem with the doctor holding the perspective more than Chad himself in the interview, making Chad seem even more distant and obtuse.
Again, the character of Big Chad sort of works against the author if the intent was to tell that kind of story. This would be the story, of a boy just crossing into the cusp of being a teen, not a full-fledged teen. I get the intention that it is supposed to be the contrast between big muscular man that is actually quite frail, but that is another trope associated with comedy, and without proper context, it comes across as being humorous rather than tragic. Additionally, if Chad is from an ultra-religious background, where are his parents in this scene?
Even stranger is line "Nobody understands" when taken with that context. It implies that he has discussed this with someone else. Presumably, someone extremely religious would have someone to discuss this with that actually would understand, given that these sorts of people often belong to extremely insular communities.
I'm not saying you're wrong. I just hope you're wrong. Because I don't want to think that an author who thought to tell a mature, nuanced story about a very niche dilemma would end his story with screaming in the streets under lightning and rain. I'd hope that author would know better and be more subtle than that.
I can see your interpretation and definitely can understand reading the first half of the text where you're coming from, and I myself the first time reading this through believed this to be the correct interpretation until I came to the story's conclusion. I guess simply put, I find it hard to believe that the author unintentionally lamp-shaded numerous comedic framing devices, and if the story is intended to be a more down-to-earth and sensitive portrayal of a man from an extremely conservative upbringing, the ending is completely tonally inappropriate, particularly with the thunder, rain, and lightning. Additionally there is the problem with the doctor holding the perspective more than Chad himself in the interview, making Chad seem even more distant and obtuse.
Again, the character of Big Chad sort of works against the author if the intent was to tell that kind of story. This would be the story, of a boy just crossing into the cusp of being a teen, not a full-fledged teen. I get the intention that it is supposed to be the contrast between big muscular man that is actually quite frail, but that is another trope associated with comedy, and without proper context, it comes across as being humorous rather than tragic. Additionally, if Chad is from an ultra-religious background, where are his parents in this scene?
Even stranger is line "Nobody understands" when taken with that context. It implies that he has discussed this with someone else. Presumably, someone extremely religious would have someone to discuss this with that actually would understand, given that these sorts of people often belong to extremely insular communities.
I'm not saying you're wrong. I just hope you're wrong. Because I don't want to think that an author who thought to tell a mature, nuanced story about a very niche dilemma would end his story with screaming in the streets under lightning and rain. I'd hope that author would know better and be more subtle than that.
The story starts off, then suddenly goes nowhere--it feels like it's interrupted mid-scene.
It's like the visit at the doctor was supposed to go on longer, then Chad suddenly saw the word counter's getting close to the maximum and panickedly decided to short-circuit the scene by running away.
For a moment I thought that the "flash of lightning and peal of thunder" was supposed to imply a twist ending, where God Almighty himself is watching Chad and disapproving of what he does, hence why Chad felt the need to go to the doctor with his condition; but apparently not.
It's like the visit at the doctor was supposed to go on longer, then Chad suddenly saw the word counter's getting close to the maximum and panickedly decided to short-circuit the scene by running away.
For a moment I thought that the "flash of lightning and peal of thunder" was supposed to imply a twist ending, where God Almighty himself is watching Chad and disapproving of what he does, hence why Chad felt the need to go to the doctor with his condition; but apparently not.
The premis is flaky, the execution is 'meh', but the writing is good. Not my cup of tea, but its not terrible.
5/10
5/10
Yeah, I think this is a bit of a misfire here. The ending heavily implies it's supposed to be a comedy, but I really don't think the lead-up actually leads us that point. I mean, unfortunately, severe sexual repression is a real issue, so the lead-in doesn't particular read "ha, ha, Big Chad is so weird" to me.
In fact, honestly, this kinda feels supremely mean-spirited. It doesn't really address why Chad believes what he does, or really why it is bad that he does. Like, this feels a lot like "shots-fired" anti-anti masturbation screed given the structure.
In fact, honestly, this kinda feels supremely mean-spirited. It doesn't really address why Chad believes what he does, or really why it is bad that he does. Like, this feels a lot like "shots-fired" anti-anti masturbation screed given the structure.
I appreciate the message and the implied plea for relaxed sexual mores, but the ending does feel abrupt.
I trust that Big Choad, er, Chad, will find better outlets for his frustration than calling down the ire of the cerulean elements
I trust that Big Choad, er, Chad, will find better outlets for his frustration than calling down the ire of the cerulean elements
First and foremost, I wouldn't use a well-known song title as the name of this story. Even though it may be tangentially related, it's either going to serve as an unnecessary spoiler or be off the mark. I really think it is a mistake in this case.
I don't think you should end the story on "the big NO" because that's super-cliche and adds nothing to the message but artificial emotion. It makes it seem like you intended the story to be a joke, and I don't think that was your intent. I definitely feel the story is much better with the last two paras stricken.
I don't quite buy the naivete of the doctor. Most doctors would not react that way at all (he's still judgmental as hell), and the protagonist's situation is reasonably common.
I don't think you should end the story on "the big NO" because that's super-cliche and adds nothing to the message but artificial emotion. It makes it seem like you intended the story to be a joke, and I don't think that was your intent. I definitely feel the story is much better with the last two paras stricken.
I don't quite buy the naivete of the doctor. Most doctors would not react that way at all (he's still judgmental as hell), and the protagonist's situation is reasonably common.
>>GroaningGreyAgony
I didn't feel that plea coming through at all. I actually felt the message was diametrically opposed to that.
I didn't feel that plea coming through at all. I actually felt the message was diametrically opposed to that.
>>-
I agree. I didn't think there was anything "funny" about this story until the last two paras, at which point it gets goofy with a tired cliche.
I agree. I didn't think there was anything "funny" about this story until the last two paras, at which point it gets goofy with a tired cliche.
>>Cassius
I agree with this too.
I'm curious what the author intended, but if I had to make a guess, I'd say 60% likely it was intended to be a comedy because I can't ignore the ending. The rest of the story feels dead serious to me.
I agree with this too.
I'm curious what the author intended, but if I had to make a guess, I'd say 60% likely it was intended to be a comedy because I can't ignore the ending. The rest of the story feels dead serious to me.
much of the same that I said about Pain in Paradise applies to this one
I like Chad ok he is a nice guy. His problem is that he is so obsessed with his flaws that he isn't relating well with others. If he were secure in his beliefs he would not feel threatened by the doctor even despite the fact that the doctor is being rather unprofessional.
In my opinion, Chad has made himself ridiculous, not me... he is the one who sees thunder and rain, drama and conspiracy in everyday flawed people. I'm not going to hate him or laugh at him for living in that melodramatic world. But I'm still going to convey that melodrama honestly. If that makes you laugh... well I guess that's your business.
by the way I am not arguing in this story either for or against "relaxed sexual mores"... I would not use a story to make an argument that would alienate half my readers whichever side I took. I guess I succeeded here because different readers found opposite intentions in it.
I like Chad ok he is a nice guy. His problem is that he is so obsessed with his flaws that he isn't relating well with others. If he were secure in his beliefs he would not feel threatened by the doctor even despite the fact that the doctor is being rather unprofessional.
In my opinion, Chad has made himself ridiculous, not me... he is the one who sees thunder and rain, drama and conspiracy in everyday flawed people. I'm not going to hate him or laugh at him for living in that melodramatic world. But I'm still going to convey that melodrama honestly. If that makes you laugh... well I guess that's your business.
by the way I am not arguing in this story either for or against "relaxed sexual mores"... I would not use a story to make an argument that would alienate half my readers whichever side I took. I guess I succeeded here because different readers found opposite intentions in it.