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Every single time...
“Noooooo!” Repu screamed as he tore open the door to the emergency bunker downstairs. His pale face was covered in sweat and desperation as he threw a backpack filled with survival gear down the basement. “Obama won! It’s game-over man, game-over!”
His wife, Demi, facepalmed. “Repu, why are you throwing our camping gear down the basement?”
“Quick Demi!” Repu shouted to his wife. “We need to get food and water and everything! We gotta get in there before he starts WW3!”
Demi facepalmed again. “You’re overreacting.”
“No I’m not!” Repo screamed. “This is a perfectly normal reaction! Hitler x20 million is president!”
“Obama is not Hitler. You’re just saying that because your side lost,” she replied.
Repu turned flailed in a frenzied panic, “It’s more then that! You heard what he’s said. He’s gonna grab our guns and throw all the whites in prison! We need to take shelter now before it’s too late! There’s gonna be civil-war in the streets! Order is going to break down!”
Demi sighed and crossed her arms. “You’re being irrational.”
“I’m perfectly rational here. Four years of his policies will ruin everything!”
“It won’t, Repu. Let’s just say if he is terrible nobody will put up with it and he’ll quickly become a lame duck who gets kicked out in four years…” Demi said.
“Yeah, but not before he blows up the world when the commies tell him to!”
“The newly elected president is not a pawn of Russia.”
“Yes he is! He’s a know-nothing manchurian candidate pawn to the communists and Russians! He’s gonna cause WW3! He started his career with communists, and Putin said he wants him to be president! Obama is a pawn to dark forces!”
“That’s what I said about Bush and the oil companies,” Demi muttered to herself. She shook off smug thoughts to try to calm her husband down. “Obama’s not stupid. Stop freaking out, no mature adult would ever act this way.”
Demi watched her husband’s panic as she watched him toss canned food (actually dogfood) down the staircase. It was time for this to stop. She reached out and hugged her husband.
“Listen, honey....it’s gonna be alright, okay?”
Demi’s embrace stopped Repu in his mad tracks, he looked at his lovely wife.
“Let me say this. I know you didn’t vote for him, and I’m sorry for rubbing it in your face earlier dear. I know you don’t like him, but Obama’s like us: an American. No matter what he does he’s not going to wreck the economy or end the world. In order to become president you have to be really good at what you do, and you surround yourself with the people and knowhow in order to make the gears of the world turn. When it comes down to making the right choices, he’ll make them, just like we would if we were in his shoes. You while you might not get the political changes you want right now, he’ll make sure the country is still in one piece.”
“I know...I just really wanted the republicans to win.”
“Like I did the democrats. We both really wanted our side to win and we invested so much emotion into this. But that’s what these things are years apart. After all this madness, we both need to take a step back away from politics so we can go back to our lives, not the lives of washington politicians. What he does isn’t going to drastically change our lives. We control our own lives honey, nobody else.”
Silence.
“Honey… am I overreacting?”
“Yes dear, yes you are.”
“....is it because I’m drunk?” Repu said, followed by a hiccup.
Demi hiccuped right after him. “Yes it is dear. We need to stop buying drinks on election night. Come to bed, okay? Just remember, it's just an election. Tomorrow we’ll clean this mess and we’ll watch some Tv and hear a few jems from somebody funny, like that Trump guy.”
Repu hugged his wife and nuzzled her cheek. “I soooo, so married the right...well, left girl.”
The two laughed. Demi kissed Repu on the cheek and threw her arm around her husband. “What would you do without me? I’m the rational one after all.”
-------------- [ eight years later] ------------
“Noooooo!” Demi screamed as she tore open the door to the basement. “Trump won! It’s game-over man, game-over!”
Her husband, Repu, facepalmed. I'd so never act like this, it's just an election...
His wife, Demi, facepalmed. “Repu, why are you throwing our camping gear down the basement?”
“Quick Demi!” Repu shouted to his wife. “We need to get food and water and everything! We gotta get in there before he starts WW3!”
Demi facepalmed again. “You’re overreacting.”
“No I’m not!” Repo screamed. “This is a perfectly normal reaction! Hitler x20 million is president!”
“Obama is not Hitler. You’re just saying that because your side lost,” she replied.
Repu turned flailed in a frenzied panic, “It’s more then that! You heard what he’s said. He’s gonna grab our guns and throw all the whites in prison! We need to take shelter now before it’s too late! There’s gonna be civil-war in the streets! Order is going to break down!”
Demi sighed and crossed her arms. “You’re being irrational.”
“I’m perfectly rational here. Four years of his policies will ruin everything!”
“It won’t, Repu. Let’s just say if he is terrible nobody will put up with it and he’ll quickly become a lame duck who gets kicked out in four years…” Demi said.
“Yeah, but not before he blows up the world when the commies tell him to!”
“The newly elected president is not a pawn of Russia.”
“Yes he is! He’s a know-nothing manchurian candidate pawn to the communists and Russians! He’s gonna cause WW3! He started his career with communists, and Putin said he wants him to be president! Obama is a pawn to dark forces!”
“That’s what I said about Bush and the oil companies,” Demi muttered to herself. She shook off smug thoughts to try to calm her husband down. “Obama’s not stupid. Stop freaking out, no mature adult would ever act this way.”
Demi watched her husband’s panic as she watched him toss canned food (actually dogfood) down the staircase. It was time for this to stop. She reached out and hugged her husband.
“Listen, honey....it’s gonna be alright, okay?”
Demi’s embrace stopped Repu in his mad tracks, he looked at his lovely wife.
“Let me say this. I know you didn’t vote for him, and I’m sorry for rubbing it in your face earlier dear. I know you don’t like him, but Obama’s like us: an American. No matter what he does he’s not going to wreck the economy or end the world. In order to become president you have to be really good at what you do, and you surround yourself with the people and knowhow in order to make the gears of the world turn. When it comes down to making the right choices, he’ll make them, just like we would if we were in his shoes. You while you might not get the political changes you want right now, he’ll make sure the country is still in one piece.”
“I know...I just really wanted the republicans to win.”
“Like I did the democrats. We both really wanted our side to win and we invested so much emotion into this. But that’s what these things are years apart. After all this madness, we both need to take a step back away from politics so we can go back to our lives, not the lives of washington politicians. What he does isn’t going to drastically change our lives. We control our own lives honey, nobody else.”
Silence.
“Honey… am I overreacting?”
“Yes dear, yes you are.”
“....is it because I’m drunk?” Repu said, followed by a hiccup.
Demi hiccuped right after him. “Yes it is dear. We need to stop buying drinks on election night. Come to bed, okay? Just remember, it's just an election. Tomorrow we’ll clean this mess and we’ll watch some Tv and hear a few jems from somebody funny, like that Trump guy.”
Repu hugged his wife and nuzzled her cheek. “I soooo, so married the right...well, left girl.”
The two laughed. Demi kissed Repu on the cheek and threw her arm around her husband. “What would you do without me? I’m the rational one after all.”
-------------- [ eight years later] ------------
“Noooooo!” Demi screamed as she tore open the door to the basement. “Trump won! It’s game-over man, game-over!”
Her husband, Repu, facepalmed. I'd so never act like this, it's just an election...
I wouldn't have thrown on that ending "eight years later" part, myself.
My reaction is "this is very cute!" and nothing else. I have physically cracked a smile, so there's that. The characters are rough and exaggerated, and the parallelisms are unsubtle. Also, there is no suspense. I think those factors weaken the idea, which should be a strong one (and is very prompt-relevant).
Grammar Nazi factors also detracted from the readability. Big speech in the middle felt clumpy, then a hard change of tone. Eh, it's just predictable, you know? Like I said, very cute. But still a missed opportunity, in my opinion.
My reaction is "this is very cute!" and nothing else. I have physically cracked a smile, so there's that. The characters are rough and exaggerated, and the parallelisms are unsubtle. Also, there is no suspense. I think those factors weaken the idea, which should be a strong one (and is very prompt-relevant).
Grammar Nazi factors also detracted from the readability. Big speech in the middle felt clumpy, then a hard change of tone. Eh, it's just predictable, you know? Like I said, very cute. But still a missed opportunity, in my opinion.
The risk of an (EDIT: allegorical is the wrong word, but hell if I know what the right one is right now) story with an obvious punchline is that it is really easy to just lose interest.
(Also, not to get too fine into politics, but while histrionics are a problem, the overall message here carries some misinformation as well, I feel: there are legitimate reasons to be concerned about people being elected. While local politics tend to have a more direct effect, the President can matter.)
(Also, not to get too fine into politics, but while histrionics are a problem, the overall message here carries some misinformation as well, I feel: there are legitimate reasons to be concerned about people being elected. While local politics tend to have a more direct effect, the President can matter.)
This is really: 1. Too American-centric; 2. Too ham-fisted; to be really interesting. I’m not sure there’s a real takeaway such as “don’t panic, just suck it up” or the like. It’s not even in the characters’ campiness, it’s just that… the personal nuclear bunker in the basement makes me think more to Switzerland than to America.
I think it would shine better if it were put into a comic strip rather than a story.
I think it would shine better if it were put into a comic strip rather than a story.
This feels a bit one-note, as the point of the story is made multiple times. Communists and Russia and WW3 are each mentioned more than once, and you really only need to mention them once. The first half is stagnant back-and-forth, where the husband claims something and the wife dismisses it, repeated. The main message is long-winded and comes across as kind of preachy.
There were also some narrative flaws here or there. [Silence.] is kind of a boring way to indicate silence. [Demi watched her husband’s panic as she watched him toss canned food] has "watched" twice, which is a tad redundant, and [(actually dogfood)] falls flat as a punchline.
I like the idea and I think it could work, but this story doesn't quite do it for me.
There were also some narrative flaws here or there. [Silence.] is kind of a boring way to indicate silence. [Demi watched her husband’s panic as she watched him toss canned food] has "watched" twice, which is a tad redundant, and [(actually dogfood)] falls flat as a punchline.
I like the idea and I think it could work, but this story doesn't quite do it for me.
The danger of writing about current events and framing it as talking about non-current events is that what you're really talking about is blazingly obvious from the start. I called your punchline literally from the third sentence. And watching the story contort as it tried to pretend that wasn't the case got especially painful in the middle with lines like "Obama is a Russian pawn", which I'm pretty sure not a single person ever said with a straight face. Remember all the birth certificate nonsense? He was the Muslim plant.
And anything else I could say about this would be eclipsed by a political rant I don't want to stir up in Writeoff-land. Suffice to say that the people concerned about Trump are freaking out about the things he has prominently promised to do.
I am neither a fan of this story's construction nor its cheap and mealy political equivalency, but because it's primarily the latter which would get me bottom-slating this, it's fairer to abstain.
Tier: Misaimed
And anything else I could say about this would be eclipsed by a political rant I don't want to stir up in Writeoff-land. Suffice to say that the people concerned about Trump are freaking out about the things he has prominently promised to do.
I am neither a fan of this story's construction nor its cheap and mealy political equivalency, but because it's primarily the latter which would get me bottom-slating this, it's fairer to abstain.
Tier: Misaimed
Geez, I come to the writeoffs to escape politics...
This does make a valid point, though I find it a bit hamfisted.
This does make a valid point, though I find it a bit hamfisted.
Post by
Shadowed_Song
, deleted
In order to become president you have to be really good at what you do, and you surround yourself with the people and knowhow in order to make the gears of the world turn.
Suuuuuure you do. :ajbemused:
I like the message, but I feel the story was too long and the ending too predictable. The entire thing seems a little author-tracty because you're using dialogue as a thin veil to state opinion. I feel like that veil is too thin for the story to work well.
Post by
Trick_Question
, deleted
>>Trick_Question
I mean, the explicit mentions of American political parties and politicians aside, many of the political fears expressed here are very particularly American. The references to gun control and fear of communism paint this as a very American story: while the general idea of "both sides of the political spectrum overreact to a political loss, or at least exaggerate their complaints" is applicable in a decent portion of the world, it's those particular cultural notes that make it a tiny bit harder for those of us elsewhere to completely get on board.
This issue is particularly exaggerated because America as a whole is generally quite right-leaning. To me here in the UK at least, the Democrats come across as very central, sometimes even right of centre! This impacts a little on the effectiveness of the story to those outside the US, because the two sides presented don't seem quite so opposite to us, and it weakens the symmetry that is the heart of the story.
I mean, the explicit mentions of American political parties and politicians aside, many of the political fears expressed here are very particularly American. The references to gun control and fear of communism paint this as a very American story: while the general idea of "both sides of the political spectrum overreact to a political loss, or at least exaggerate their complaints" is applicable in a decent portion of the world, it's those particular cultural notes that make it a tiny bit harder for those of us elsewhere to completely get on board.
This issue is particularly exaggerated because America as a whole is generally quite right-leaning. To me here in the UK at least, the Democrats come across as very central, sometimes even right of centre! This impacts a little on the effectiveness of the story to those outside the US, because the two sides presented don't seem quite so opposite to us, and it weakens the symmetry that is the heart of the story.
>>QuillScratch
Ha. That's a laugh ;)
Since Tony Blair, there's no real left-wing party left in Britain, barring the SNP.
To me here in the UK at least, the Democrats come across as very central, sometimes even right of centre!
Ha. That's a laugh ;)
Since Tony Blair, there's no real left-wing party left in Britain, barring the SNP.
>>QuillScratch
just popping in one last time to say: I thought this was a different story, oops
just popping in one last time to say: I thought this was a different story, oops