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Obsolete Farm Equipment
“Thanks fer offerin’ to run the reunion this year, Apple Bumpkin,” Applejack said, smiling to her cousin as the pair made their way down to the easternmost Apple Family farm. “It was a real relief, what with the remodellin’ we were doin’ on the farm on account of… well, whatever it was that crawled out of the Everfree. Don’t know if Twilight got around to namin’ it yet.”
“Ain’t a problem at all,” Apple Bumpkin said, her red curls bouncing as she trotted along the dusty dirt road, her head held high. “’Sides, me and Bartlett have been just itchin’ for an excuse to show off the farm to the family. I’m sure you’ll love what we’ve done with the place.”
Applejack grinned. “Well, you know what I say, anything for family.” She glanced over the eastern orchard and grinned. “And if I ain’t mistaken, that’s a new buildin’ right there.” Applejack nodded towards the large building sitting on the orchard, fresh red paint gleaming in the noon-time sun.
“Yup! Built that to house the new apple picker.”
Applejack tilted her head. “You hired on some extra help?”
“In a matter of speaking. Here, lemme show you.” Apple Bumpkin turned as the fence along the road ended, leading Applejack down a freshly-cleared dirt road to the front of the building.
Applejack stepped over a small rut carved into the road with a wheel. “You store your carts out there, too?”
“Yup. Figured as long as we were building a garage, might as well keep it all there.”
“A garage?” Applejack lifted an eyebrow as Apple Bumpkin trotted up to a white-painted door and began lifting it straight up, the door rumbling loudly as it slid upwards along the roof. “What’s…”
“You like it?” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she stepped inside, moving alongside the familiar-looking contraption. From the red-painted sides, to the brass funnel where a train’s smokestack would be, to the dials and switches on the side of the machine, to the strangely mismatched spoked wheels, it was unmistakably the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.
Applejack’s mouth hung open. “You mean you bought that thing from the Flim Flam brothers?”
“Those some salesponies who sold you one?” Apple Bumpkin stepped up next to the front wheel and patted the front of the thing, just below the lights which had been stuck on the front like too-wide eyes.
“More like tried to con us out of our orchard,” Applejack growled. “I can’t believe you went and bought it from them.”
Apple Bumpkin shook her head. “Nope! We bought it direct from Mr. Buck out by Filly Delphia. After we saw how much easier it made things for the Pears, we just had to get one for ourselves.”
“Wait, you mean to tell me there’s more’n one of those things?”
“Two in this county alone. But that still ain’t enough for everypony. Even harvestin’ our whole orchard by himself in less’n three days, Bartlett still couldn’t roll it out fast enough to do the harvestin’ for everypony else. The Peaches were plenty happy, but the Plums were plumb put out.” Apple Bumpkin laughed nasally at her own joke.
“I see.” Applejack slowly approached the machine. “I shoulda known those two good-for-nothin’s couldn’ta made somethin’ like this.” She reached up with her hoof to rub at her mane. “Wait, you said Bartlett did it all by his lonesome?”
Apple Bumpkin giggled. “Yup! Left me more time to sell all the cider and to work on puttin’ the rest into the cellar.”
Applejack stared at the mechanical monstrosity. “So you didn’t do any buckin’ at all last harvest?”
“Nope!” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she leaned against the side of the machine. “I know you don’t have a unicorn out there on Sweet Apple Acres, but maybe y’all should consider pitchin’ in with one of the other families to get one of these. It’s been a mercy on my hindquarters.” She glanced back at her hind legs and grinned. “Why, these ain’t nothin’ more than a bit of obsolete farm equipment now, practically.”
“Yeah,” Applejack said, glancing back at her own hindlegs, toned from years of apple bucking. “Right.”
“Ain’t a problem at all,” Apple Bumpkin said, her red curls bouncing as she trotted along the dusty dirt road, her head held high. “’Sides, me and Bartlett have been just itchin’ for an excuse to show off the farm to the family. I’m sure you’ll love what we’ve done with the place.”
Applejack grinned. “Well, you know what I say, anything for family.” She glanced over the eastern orchard and grinned. “And if I ain’t mistaken, that’s a new buildin’ right there.” Applejack nodded towards the large building sitting on the orchard, fresh red paint gleaming in the noon-time sun.
“Yup! Built that to house the new apple picker.”
Applejack tilted her head. “You hired on some extra help?”
“In a matter of speaking. Here, lemme show you.” Apple Bumpkin turned as the fence along the road ended, leading Applejack down a freshly-cleared dirt road to the front of the building.
Applejack stepped over a small rut carved into the road with a wheel. “You store your carts out there, too?”
“Yup. Figured as long as we were building a garage, might as well keep it all there.”
“A garage?” Applejack lifted an eyebrow as Apple Bumpkin trotted up to a white-painted door and began lifting it straight up, the door rumbling loudly as it slid upwards along the roof. “What’s…”
“You like it?” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she stepped inside, moving alongside the familiar-looking contraption. From the red-painted sides, to the brass funnel where a train’s smokestack would be, to the dials and switches on the side of the machine, to the strangely mismatched spoked wheels, it was unmistakably the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.
Applejack’s mouth hung open. “You mean you bought that thing from the Flim Flam brothers?”
“Those some salesponies who sold you one?” Apple Bumpkin stepped up next to the front wheel and patted the front of the thing, just below the lights which had been stuck on the front like too-wide eyes.
“More like tried to con us out of our orchard,” Applejack growled. “I can’t believe you went and bought it from them.”
Apple Bumpkin shook her head. “Nope! We bought it direct from Mr. Buck out by Filly Delphia. After we saw how much easier it made things for the Pears, we just had to get one for ourselves.”
“Wait, you mean to tell me there’s more’n one of those things?”
“Two in this county alone. But that still ain’t enough for everypony. Even harvestin’ our whole orchard by himself in less’n three days, Bartlett still couldn’t roll it out fast enough to do the harvestin’ for everypony else. The Peaches were plenty happy, but the Plums were plumb put out.” Apple Bumpkin laughed nasally at her own joke.
“I see.” Applejack slowly approached the machine. “I shoulda known those two good-for-nothin’s couldn’ta made somethin’ like this.” She reached up with her hoof to rub at her mane. “Wait, you said Bartlett did it all by his lonesome?”
Apple Bumpkin giggled. “Yup! Left me more time to sell all the cider and to work on puttin’ the rest into the cellar.”
Applejack stared at the mechanical monstrosity. “So you didn’t do any buckin’ at all last harvest?”
“Nope!” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she leaned against the side of the machine. “I know you don’t have a unicorn out there on Sweet Apple Acres, but maybe y’all should consider pitchin’ in with one of the other families to get one of these. It’s been a mercy on my hindquarters.” She glanced back at her hind legs and grinned. “Why, these ain’t nothin’ more than a bit of obsolete farm equipment now, practically.”
“Yeah,” Applejack said, glancing back at her own hindlegs, toned from years of apple bucking. “Right.”
Mane Six count (Don't mind me, I'm just curious as to how many times each of the Mane 6 appears):
Applejack: 2
Wow, okay RNG. Not just two AJ stories in a row, but 2 AJ stories that rely on Flim and Flam (even if they don't actually appear in this story.
Also, glad to see I'm not the only one who knows who Apple Bumpkin is.
I do like the idea of someone genuinely manufacturing SSCS6000s for genuine reasons. And I like the idea of Applejack having to consider the implications of such a thing on farm life.
Unfortunately, we don't actually get to see much of that. We see all the steps leading up to it, with Bumpkin explaining all the benefits. But I really want to see Applejack's actual opinion on the matter. Instead, it's left annoyingly vague.
Now, I'm not saying being vague was necessarily wrong here, mind you, but it wound up not being right for me specifically. This feels too much like an appetizer and not enough like a main course for me. Maybe if you had more words.
Verdict: Good premise, but the conclusion's a little lacking.
Applejack: 2
Wow, okay RNG. Not just two AJ stories in a row, but 2 AJ stories that rely on Flim and Flam (even if they don't actually appear in this story.
Also, glad to see I'm not the only one who knows who Apple Bumpkin is.
I do like the idea of someone genuinely manufacturing SSCS6000s for genuine reasons. And I like the idea of Applejack having to consider the implications of such a thing on farm life.
Unfortunately, we don't actually get to see much of that. We see all the steps leading up to it, with Bumpkin explaining all the benefits. But I really want to see Applejack's actual opinion on the matter. Instead, it's left annoyingly vague.
Now, I'm not saying being vague was necessarily wrong here, mind you, but it wound up not being right for me specifically. This feels too much like an appetizer and not enough like a main course for me. Maybe if you had more words.
Verdict: Good premise, but the conclusion's a little lacking.
Oof. And I mean that in a good way. As I’ve said in the past, the Flimflam brothers couldn’t make money if you gave them a mint. The SSCS6K represents an incredible revolution in Equestrian agriculture when it isn’t in the hooves of those two; it was only a matter of time before ponies recognized that.
I have only one complaint, but it’s a big one. This ends just as it’s getting good. Applejack just got smacked with an existential crisis. I really hope you expand this and explore that. There are still reams of drama left in this idea, and I look forward to seeing them.
I have only one complaint, but it’s a big one. This ends just as it’s getting good. Applejack just got smacked with an existential crisis. I really hope you expand this and explore that. There are still reams of drama left in this idea, and I look forward to seeing them.
I agree with >>FanOfMostEverything in part. I'm not sure what Applejack is feeling at the end. The fact that her legs are described as "toned" in the last sentence suggests strongly that she prefers doing the work manually, even though it's slower. But the way she says "right" is completely indeterminate, so I'm left wondering if she's chuckling on the inside because she doesn't care, or if she regrets having those beautiful, muscular legs, as though her life has been a waste of time. And if she does, why? It doesn't seem to fit her character.
Elucidate what you're trying to say to us at the end of the story, author. We need more peek into AJ's mind.
Elucidate what you're trying to say to us at the end of the story, author. We need more peek into AJ's mind.
>>FanOfMostEverything
>>Trick_Question
I don't agree - I think the ending comes through clearly. AJ is clearly just realizing that her entire way of life may be about to change. She prides herself on being the tough, independent farmer who can handle things just fine the way they are.
And now? The SSCS6k is going to change that. She's the Tradesmare whose weaving is becoming obsolete as factories roll out. And given how much of her self-worth is tied up in her expertise? That's a frightening prospect.
AJ's entire world just got threatened by an innocent conversation. She's gonna be sitting up late tonight with a mug of cider, thinking.
Top Contender for this one, for me.
>>Trick_Question
I don't agree - I think the ending comes through clearly. AJ is clearly just realizing that her entire way of life may be about to change. She prides herself on being the tough, independent farmer who can handle things just fine the way they are.
And now? The SSCS6k is going to change that. She's the Tradesmare whose weaving is becoming obsolete as factories roll out. And given how much of her self-worth is tied up in her expertise? That's a frightening prospect.
AJ's entire world just got threatened by an innocent conversation. She's gonna be sitting up late tonight with a mug of cider, thinking.
Top Contender for this one, for me.
>>Morning Sun
My problem isn't that I found the ending unclear but that the ending opens up a deeply intriguing story that I don't get to see. This is a fascinating idea, but it isn't self-contained.
My problem isn't that I found the ending unclear but that the ending opens up a deeply intriguing story that I don't get to see. This is a fascinating idea, but it isn't self-contained.
This one didn’t grab me until nearly the very end, but I absolutely adore that final line. I think this fic desperately needs to be expanded. I would love to read a story about Applejack contending with a changing farm that’s leaving her and her skills behind. That said, I do think you’ll need a much stronger opening hook.
I will never understand why, to some, "open endings" are a bad thing or mean that the story isn't complete. I thought this ending was great! Very ominous. Looking deeper, there is also a more profound implication for earth pony strength, especially those earth ponies who actually do work with earth and vegetation. It almost implies that a major aspect of their magic is becoming obsolete.
With all that said, the story didn't really catch me until near the end. I got the implication that all of the farmers were beginning to use the cider squeezy contraption, but the implications didn't feel weighted or emotional until the end.
With all that said, the story didn't really catch me until near the end. I got the implication that all of the farmers were beginning to use the cider squeezy contraption, but the implications didn't feel weighted or emotional until the end.
>>theigi
The problem I had was that no insight was provided into what AJ was thinking at the end. She showed no signs of worry, or relief, or stress, or sadness, or anything at all. I'd like to know how she feels, and the author refuses to tell me.
I think this story'd be perfect if it weren't for the fact that we don't get to see any signs of how AJ feels.
The problem I had was that no insight was provided into what AJ was thinking at the end. She showed no signs of worry, or relief, or stress, or sadness, or anything at all. I'd like to know how she feels, and the author refuses to tell me.
I think this story'd be perfect if it weren't for the fact that we don't get to see any signs of how AJ feels.
As I weigh this against all the other stories in the Writeoff, I feel like there's enough depth and nuance here to earn a high place... but enough abruptness and ambiguity in the ending to keep it out of my top tier. I'm (generally) fine with ambiguity, and I think we actually do see hints of what AJ is thinking and feeling, but it's so subtle that I might be wrong and >>Trick_Question might be right, which would be a huge missed opportunity. Either way, as others have noted, this ends right as we're approaching the implications of the cool world-building concept that just got dropped... but it doesn't quite stand on its own, given the absence of some deeper exploration of that concept.
>>CoffeeMinion
For the record, despite my problem with the ending line, this made it to fourth place on my slate.
For the record, despite my problem with the ending line, this made it to fourth place on my slate.
Easily the best one on my slate so far. We need to see/feel more of what AJ is thinking or feeling, and there certainly needs to be more after that last line of dialogue. But, get this out of the short word limit of the writeoff and I feel confident this one can go places.
Well done!
Well done!
I'm with >>Trick_Question and >>FanOfMostEverything here, for similar reasons. I won't rehash that, but I do want to compare and contrast this to "Power Of Attorney", because the structure and especially the ending are superficially similar, but my reaction to them was very different.
I TC'ed Power of Attorney (>>horizon) because I felt like the ending pulled off an effective contextual twist: all along it looked like this was a story about Dash, but right at the end suddenly we saw all the responsibility get dumped in Twilight's lap -- and most importantly, it gave her a conflict and we see her make a decision. That gives the story a complete narrative arc and makes a profound statement about Twilight's character. What's the conflict here? People enjoying the story are citing Applejack vs. industrialization, but there's not nearly enough context for her "Yeah. ... Right." to say that she's made a decision. Twilight's yes in PoA felt unambiguous, but here, AJ might be succumbing to technology or she might just be agreeing not to start a fight with family. By ending on a note of ambiguity, the story raises that question but refuses to answer it -- leaving the core conflict unresolved.
I should specify that resolving the conflict does NOT require AJ to take one side or the other. Imagine if the following two lines had been added to the story:
That retains the ambiguity but at least closes the conflict. We get to see her choice, and not choosing is a choice; the fact that she's got enough doubt to need to punt this decision is a strong statement after her certainty in the Flim Flam episode. But right now, she is not deciding: she is being presented with a problem, and so the story is not complete.
Tier: Almost There
I TC'ed Power of Attorney (>>horizon) because I felt like the ending pulled off an effective contextual twist: all along it looked like this was a story about Dash, but right at the end suddenly we saw all the responsibility get dumped in Twilight's lap -- and most importantly, it gave her a conflict and we see her make a decision. That gives the story a complete narrative arc and makes a profound statement about Twilight's character. What's the conflict here? People enjoying the story are citing Applejack vs. industrialization, but there's not nearly enough context for her "Yeah. ... Right." to say that she's made a decision. Twilight's yes in PoA felt unambiguous, but here, AJ might be succumbing to technology or she might just be agreeing not to start a fight with family. By ending on a note of ambiguity, the story raises that question but refuses to answer it -- leaving the core conflict unresolved.
I should specify that resolving the conflict does NOT require AJ to take one side or the other. Imagine if the following two lines had been added to the story:
As they were heading home from the reunion, Apple Bloom asked, "So are we gonna get one of them things, sis?"
Applejack was silent for a long time "I'll think about it," she said.
That retains the ambiguity but at least closes the conflict. We get to see her choice, and not choosing is a choice; the fact that she's got enough doubt to need to punt this decision is a strong statement after her certainty in the Flim Flam episode. But right now, she is not deciding: she is being presented with a problem, and so the story is not complete.
Tier: Almost There
Apple Bumpkin tells her cousin Applejack about her awesome new magitech apple harvester. Applejack finds out that there isn’t just one Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, and that they are a mass-produced piece of magitech which farmers are starting to buy to speed up their harvesting, and that applebucking is now obsolete.
I liked this story; the final line was very good, and while I’m left wanting more, I’m not sure how much more I really want to see; this story seems to be about the shock of finding out she’s obsolete, rather than her dealing with it, and as such, I think it ends in either the right place, or close to it. Though I would love to read the latter story as well.
And of course, the idea that Flim and Flam were not actually the inventors of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 fits nicely with their image as charlatans; trying to pass off some new bit of tech as something unique to them seems to fit well with their later chicanery.
I liked this story; the final line was very good, and while I’m left wanting more, I’m not sure how much more I really want to see; this story seems to be about the shock of finding out she’s obsolete, rather than her dealing with it, and as such, I think it ends in either the right place, or close to it. Though I would love to read the latter story as well.
And of course, the idea that Flim and Flam were not actually the inventors of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 fits nicely with their image as charlatans; trying to pass off some new bit of tech as something unique to them seems to fit well with their later chicanery.
>>TitaniumDragon
Incidentally, author, was the title a reference to God Thinks by Voltaire?
Because calling earth ponies obsolete farm equipment is just a deliciously terrible racial slur.
Incidentally, author, was the title a reference to God Thinks by Voltaire?
Because calling earth ponies obsolete farm equipment is just a deliciously terrible racial slur.
>>Morning Sun This is very much how I feel about this story.
The only thing that throws me off is this:
Why is it significant enough to include the fact that AJ's legs are so toned? I get the fact of it, and likely what you're getting at, but you included it as though it's important (an AJ's Cannon, so to speak), but it's never hinted at why this word specifically is so important. A stronger word or phrase really feels needed, here, something that doesn't make it seem like AJ was going for athletic good looks over simply gettin' the orchards cleared.
Aside from that, the ending left me with a strong sense of "How would I feel about this if I were AJ?" To take it any further than that would make this an entirely different story, and I feel it's very well-contained as it is. Nicely done.
The only thing that throws me off is this:
“Yeah,” Applejack said, glancing back at her own hindlegs, toned from years of apple bucking.
Why is it significant enough to include the fact that AJ's legs are so toned? I get the fact of it, and likely what you're getting at, but you included it as though it's important (an AJ's Cannon, so to speak), but it's never hinted at why this word specifically is so important. A stronger word or phrase really feels needed, here, something that doesn't make it seem like AJ was going for athletic good looks over simply gettin' the orchards cleared.
Aside from that, the ending left me with a strong sense of "How would I feel about this if I were AJ?" To take it any further than that would make this an entirely different story, and I feel it's very well-contained as it is. Nicely done.
>>Southpaw
I think the 'toned' makes sense. Another word or phrase would probably be stronger, but it makes sense to include at least a small description of how apple bucking has affected her physically. 'Toned' implies physically fit, or at least physically capable. That her fitness/capability/usefulness comes specifically from apple bucking, something that is quickly being outmoded, is important to the story. Usually 'toned' would be a positive adjective, showing health or hard work, but here there's something wan and pessimistic about it.
My only real criticism of the use of 'toned' would be that the word is used so often to describe both Applejack and Rainbow Dash's physical condition that it's become sort of cliche. It's one of those words that has been used so many times that it's stopped meaning much of anything anymore.
I think the 'toned' makes sense. Another word or phrase would probably be stronger, but it makes sense to include at least a small description of how apple bucking has affected her physically. 'Toned' implies physically fit, or at least physically capable. That her fitness/capability/usefulness comes specifically from apple bucking, something that is quickly being outmoded, is important to the story. Usually 'toned' would be a positive adjective, showing health or hard work, but here there's something wan and pessimistic about it.
My only real criticism of the use of 'toned' would be that the word is used so often to describe both Applejack and Rainbow Dash's physical condition that it's become sort of cliche. It's one of those words that has been used so many times that it's stopped meaning much of anything anymore.
>>HoofBitingActionOverload Well, that's more or less what I said, but I'm glad we agree. ;)
Toned is a word we often see used to describe how we keep ourselves "fit", and how that gives a healthy, athletic appearance.
My point is that because of that, toned gives the line that feeling, something that I doubt AJ would be concerned about since 1) that never seems to be a priority for her (give that to Rarity), and 2) she's a seriously healthy earthpony who shakes trees for a living with those legs. I think the line would be stronger without the adjective, or with a different one that doesn't stress form over substance. That would feel (to me) much more AJ and earthpony-like.
I absolutely agree. :)
Toned is a word we often see used to describe how we keep ourselves "fit", and how that gives a healthy, athletic appearance.
My point is that because of that, toned gives the line that feeling, something that I doubt AJ would be concerned about since 1) that never seems to be a priority for her (give that to Rarity), and 2) she's a seriously healthy earthpony who shakes trees for a living with those legs. I think the line would be stronger without the adjective, or with a different one that doesn't stress form over substance. That would feel (to me) much more AJ and earthpony-like.
My only real criticism of the use of 'toned' would be that the word is used so often to describe both Applejack and Rainbow Dash's physical condition that it's become sort of cliche. It's one of those words that has been used so many times that it's stopped meaning much of anything anymore.
I absolutely agree. :)
Applejack grinned. “Well, you know what I say, anything for family.” She glanced over the eastern orchard and grinned.
“You like it?” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she stepped inside, moving alongside the familiar-looking contraption.
“Nope!” Apple Bumpkin grinned as she leaned against the side of the machine. “I know you don’t have a unicorn out there on Sweet Apple Acres, but maybe y’all should consider pitchin’ in with one of the other families to get one of these. It’s been a mercy on my hindquarters.” She glanced back at her hind legs and grinned.
There's a lot of grinning in this story. Apparently smiling is out of fashion.
I forget which author said it originally, but attempting to write dialect as is spoken, with apostrophes standing in for dropped letters, usually doesn't add to the narrative.
This story is an interesting concept, but that's really all I got from it. I wish I could say it broke new ground, but isn't it just re-stating the Super Squeezy episode without the con-artist aspect?
I'm not sure how to feel about this one. It's competently written, but a bit lacking.
It's interesting to consider that this is about more than obsolete harvesting methods. It's about traditional values. The Apple family saw that Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 was a quality machine, but believed in the value of hard work. They had pride in being farmers working the land.
I guess they just took for granted that other farmers would feel the same way.
It's an interesting crisis to present to Applejack, but I would've appreciated it if it were explored a bit more. Clearly it's given her food for thought, but some sort of indication on what she might consider doing would be nice.
It's interesting to consider that this is about more than obsolete harvesting methods. It's about traditional values. The Apple family saw that Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 was a quality machine, but believed in the value of hard work. They had pride in being farmers working the land.
I guess they just took for granted that other farmers would feel the same way.
It's an interesting crisis to present to Applejack, but I would've appreciated it if it were explored a bit more. Clearly it's given her food for thought, but some sort of indication on what she might consider doing would be nice.
>>Cold in Gardez
Not to the narrative, maybe, but I find it useful in working on voice. Makes me get very deliberate with Applejack's voice, in order to hit the dialect without going overboard. Of course, I write like I'm transcribing an oral storyteller, so maybe I have some funny habits about voice.
Not to the narrative, maybe, but I find it useful in working on voice. Makes me get very deliberate with Applejack's voice, in order to hit the dialect without going overboard. Of course, I write like I'm transcribing an oral storyteller, so maybe I have some funny habits about voice.