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We Only Live Twice
As strange as it was to see Bon Bon walking into her own funeral, the real shock was when Lyra stepped into the doorway behind her.
The unicorn's mouth dropped open and stayed there. The room full of Bon Bons—who had swiveled to face her as one—stared back with the same wide-eyed horror. The Bon Bon at Lyra's side had a calm muzzle, but she was a coiled spring beneath that mask.
I was the first to react—I had been facing the back of the basement as I spoke at the lectern by Bon Bon's coffin, so I had a fraction of a second longer than the others to process the scene. "Number One," I said, "what's she doing here?"
The noise seemed to galvanize Lyra, and her head swung to the Bon Bon at her side. "Bonnie," she said to Number One, "what's going on?"
"It's alright, Seventeen," Number One said. "I need her to see this."
"Who are they? Are they changelings? Are you…" Lyra's eyes slid toward the coffin as if rolling down a rain-slicked hill. "Wait, is she…"
"That was Number Eight," One said, her voice controlled but her emotions unrestrainable. "She brought you breakfast in bed on the day of the attack, while I was in Canterlot delivering a report. When the bugbear arrived, she tried to lead it away from Ponyville, but it killed her." One's voice wavered. "Then it realized she wasn't a pony, and attacked town to look for the real me. …Please, Seventeen. Continue the eulogy. I didn't mean to interrupt."
I swallowed, reassembling mental fragments of my speech. "I, ah…was just reminiscing about how brave Eight was. How she was the only drone to fight our queen alongside you to rescue the rest of us from the hive. She set an example every day that the rest of us still struggle to live up to." I realized Lyra's shock was swirling into fear, and tried to defuse it. "And I think she loved Lyra nearly as much as you did, Number One."
Lyra's eyes whipped back and forth between me and One, and then her voice and emotions both frosted over. "Bonnie—"
"We're changelings, but Number One's a real pony," I frantically clarified, and felt the ice fractionally recede.
One turned to look Lyra in the eyes. "I am, and I'll do whatever you want to prove it," she said firmly. Then her voice softened. "Listen, Lyra…I love you more than anything, but once you do undercover work, you can't ever leave. I can't always be here with you, and I was scared to explain why, so when I stumbled on a way for you to have me for 24 hours a day…it was the only way to give you what you deserved, and it was both kinder and simpler than being honest. But when you asked for the whole truth today, and promised me you'd try to love me no matter what…I had to come clean."
Doubt crept into Lyra's indignation, so I jumped back in. "We never fed from you," I said. "One made us promise that before we ever laid eyes on you. But we wouldn't have, anyway. We owed her so much, and when we saw how happy you made each other…we would have starved ourselves to death to keep you two together."
I saw Lyra's neck muscles shift as she clenched her teeth, and felt doubt rage inside her. "How much of you was you?" she finally asked.
"About half," One immediately said. "That's the most my job will allow, but I spent every moment here that I could." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I never should have lied, Lyra…but I only ever wanted you to be happy."
Lyra chewed her lip, and her emotions were too roiled to read, and I could feel One bracing herself against an even murkier terror. My stomach twisted in knots.
"I…" Lyra finally whispered. "I'm going to have to think about this." Then a thin sunbeam broke through the clouds of her emotion, and I could feel the whole room clinging to that tiny lifeline of hope. "All I know is that I want you, Bonnie. You." She leaned in and curled her neck against One's.
Simultaneously, fifteen Bon Bons bowed their heads and dissolved into green flame, leaving two ponies hugging each other amid a sea of black chitin.
I reached over and silently closed the lid of the casket. Eight would have wanted it that way.
The unicorn's mouth dropped open and stayed there. The room full of Bon Bons—who had swiveled to face her as one—stared back with the same wide-eyed horror. The Bon Bon at Lyra's side had a calm muzzle, but she was a coiled spring beneath that mask.
I was the first to react—I had been facing the back of the basement as I spoke at the lectern by Bon Bon's coffin, so I had a fraction of a second longer than the others to process the scene. "Number One," I said, "what's she doing here?"
The noise seemed to galvanize Lyra, and her head swung to the Bon Bon at her side. "Bonnie," she said to Number One, "what's going on?"
"It's alright, Seventeen," Number One said. "I need her to see this."
"Who are they? Are they changelings? Are you…" Lyra's eyes slid toward the coffin as if rolling down a rain-slicked hill. "Wait, is she…"
"That was Number Eight," One said, her voice controlled but her emotions unrestrainable. "She brought you breakfast in bed on the day of the attack, while I was in Canterlot delivering a report. When the bugbear arrived, she tried to lead it away from Ponyville, but it killed her." One's voice wavered. "Then it realized she wasn't a pony, and attacked town to look for the real me. …Please, Seventeen. Continue the eulogy. I didn't mean to interrupt."
I swallowed, reassembling mental fragments of my speech. "I, ah…was just reminiscing about how brave Eight was. How she was the only drone to fight our queen alongside you to rescue the rest of us from the hive. She set an example every day that the rest of us still struggle to live up to." I realized Lyra's shock was swirling into fear, and tried to defuse it. "And I think she loved Lyra nearly as much as you did, Number One."
Lyra's eyes whipped back and forth between me and One, and then her voice and emotions both frosted over. "Bonnie—"
"We're changelings, but Number One's a real pony," I frantically clarified, and felt the ice fractionally recede.
One turned to look Lyra in the eyes. "I am, and I'll do whatever you want to prove it," she said firmly. Then her voice softened. "Listen, Lyra…I love you more than anything, but once you do undercover work, you can't ever leave. I can't always be here with you, and I was scared to explain why, so when I stumbled on a way for you to have me for 24 hours a day…it was the only way to give you what you deserved, and it was both kinder and simpler than being honest. But when you asked for the whole truth today, and promised me you'd try to love me no matter what…I had to come clean."
Doubt crept into Lyra's indignation, so I jumped back in. "We never fed from you," I said. "One made us promise that before we ever laid eyes on you. But we wouldn't have, anyway. We owed her so much, and when we saw how happy you made each other…we would have starved ourselves to death to keep you two together."
I saw Lyra's neck muscles shift as she clenched her teeth, and felt doubt rage inside her. "How much of you was you?" she finally asked.
"About half," One immediately said. "That's the most my job will allow, but I spent every moment here that I could." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I never should have lied, Lyra…but I only ever wanted you to be happy."
Lyra chewed her lip, and her emotions were too roiled to read, and I could feel One bracing herself against an even murkier terror. My stomach twisted in knots.
"I…" Lyra finally whispered. "I'm going to have to think about this." Then a thin sunbeam broke through the clouds of her emotion, and I could feel the whole room clinging to that tiny lifeline of hope. "All I know is that I want you, Bonnie. You." She leaned in and curled her neck against One's.
Simultaneously, fifteen Bon Bons bowed their heads and dissolved into green flame, leaving two ponies hugging each other amid a sea of black chitin.
I reached over and silently closed the lid of the casket. Eight would have wanted it that way.
Bon Bond really is a secret agent pony. Who uses a swarm of changelings she freed from Chrysalis to help maintain her cover.
One of them has died, and she takes Lyra to the funeral, revealing just what has been going on, and the ultimate sacrifice made by Number Eight.
She really loved her.
Admittedly I’m a sucker for stuff like this, but I liked this story on the whole. Though I’m not quite sure if I believe that one is really a pony.
Anyway, this worked well and was quite succinct, and did a good job of covering the arc in a very tight space. It really exploited our fan knowledge to get there without being a bit ridiculous – combining two fanons into one – but it managed to work without coming off as comedic due to its odd premise.
PS. I appreciate the Bond allusion in the title.
One of them has died, and she takes Lyra to the funeral, revealing just what has been going on, and the ultimate sacrifice made by Number Eight.
She really loved her.
Admittedly I’m a sucker for stuff like this, but I liked this story on the whole. Though I’m not quite sure if I believe that one is really a pony.
Anyway, this worked well and was quite succinct, and did a good job of covering the arc in a very tight space. It really exploited our fan knowledge to get there without being a bit ridiculous – combining two fanons into one – but it managed to work without coming off as comedic due to its odd premise.
PS. I appreciate the Bond allusion in the title.
Aww. AWW. Do you hear me, author?! AWW, I say!
I came expecting--hoping--for a James Bond reference, and I ended up getting punched in the feels by a well-written story.
I can't really offer more meaningful feedback than that.
I came expecting--hoping--for a James Bond reference, and I ended up getting punched in the feels by a well-written story.
I can't really offer more meaningful feedback than that.
While I agree with TD that the title was a good one, I was not that impressed by the story. The idea of changelings filling in for BonBon while she's away on mission to keep the pretence up is fine, but that doesn’t explain why there are so many of them: one would’ve been sufficient. As such, though I see what you’re aiming for, it seems you deliberately amped up the plot to get a more dramatic effect, but in the end you’re somehow hoist by your own petard: it feels artificial.
Beyond this, there’s nothing significant I can offer you: I think the core concept is fair, though it’s not really the first time I encounter this sort of plot, but the way you developed it let me somewhat down.
Beyond this, there’s nothing significant I can offer you: I think the core concept is fair, though it’s not really the first time I encounter this sort of plot, but the way you developed it let me somewhat down.
I agree with TD; I think this is a neat way to tie a couple separate fan theories together to form a cohesive story. At first I was going to condemn your repeated telling of emotions rather than showing them, but, well, a changeling would know, wouldn't they? Well played, Writer. ^_^
I don't have much to add beyond this. This is another good tie-in to an actual episode of the show in this competition, something I'd like to continue to see more of.
Final Thought: Plausibly Poignant
I don't have much to add beyond this. This is another good tie-in to an actual episode of the show in this competition, something I'd like to continue to see more of.
Final Thought: Plausibly Poignant
I'm a bit disappointed that Lyra correctly guessed what was going on, but it wouldn't really make much sense for her not to assume that changelings were involved. The first person perspective seems a bit odd to me too, though I'm not entirely sure why. It might just be because our narrator isn't either of the important characters in the story, but I'm not sure.
Still, it was a good story, and I have no major complaints.
Edit: Now that I think of it, the title isn't entirely accurate. Bon Bon could potentially die 16 times before it becomes permanent.
Still, it was a good story, and I have no major complaints.
Edit: Now that I think of it, the title isn't entirely accurate. Bon Bon could potentially die 16 times before it becomes permanent.
>>The_Letter_J
I think the choice of narrator made sense. It allowed the audience to be introduced to a potentially quite alien perspective in a way that kept things sympathetic and relatable. Or that at least wouldn't run the risk of needing more words to establish the perspective as relatable.
Also, "We only live 16 (+/-1) Times" wouldn't have been as snappy. :-P
I think the choice of narrator made sense. It allowed the audience to be introduced to a potentially quite alien perspective in a way that kept things sympathetic and relatable. Or that at least wouldn't run the risk of needing more words to establish the perspective as relatable.
Also, "We only live 16 (+/-1) Times" wouldn't have been as snappy. :-P
Hmm. This one was an odd read for me, and I think it's solely because I don't really care for changelings or LyraBon (I have no idea what is called. Bonra?). Don't get me wrong, I liked the story for its solid theme and followthrough, but the subject matter just wasn't my cup of tea. Also, I found "Doubt crept into Lyra's indignation" a rather odd turn of phrase. But perhaps that's just me.
>>CoffeeMinion
Yeah. I do think it works for this story, but it still seems odd to me. And it's not like I didn't like this story. I'm halfway through my slate, and this one's currently sitting at the top.
No, but it would have been more amusing. But I suppose this isn't supposed to be a comedy.
Yeah. I do think it works for this story, but it still seems odd to me. And it's not like I didn't like this story. I'm halfway through my slate, and this one's currently sitting at the top.
No, but it would have been more amusing. But I suppose this isn't supposed to be a comedy.
I'm not certain I buy a changeling not returning to hatchform after they've passed away. You need to lampshade that for me to accept it. Apart from that, I have no suggestions.
I can't tell if you're actually aiming for a sentimental ending, or if it's sarcastic. I mean, the premise is really bonkers, and you don't have that much room to really make the audience take it seriously.
Still, an inventive idea. Just that if the idea was to tug at our heartstrings at the end, it feels unearned.
Still, an inventive idea. Just that if the idea was to tug at our heartstrings at the end, it feels unearned.
Huh. Well. That was a thing. I'm not quite sure what the thing was but it was definitely a thing!
My main problem with this is Bon Bon using changelings to fill in for her when she's off on secret missions... And Lyra never noticing. I mean, really? Sure, the 16 changelings may be able to communicate with each other, and so know exactly what's going on... But how can "Number One," the real Bon Bon, keep them abreast of what's happening in their lives and relationship?
Also, who would possibly think this is a good idea? "Well, I can't be at home all the time.. so I'll secretly replace myself with a changeling. Because the love of my life deserves to have me there all the time... Even if it's not really me and just a huge lie." That... would take a very strange mindset.
And if the changelings aren't feeding off of the love Lyra and Bon Bon have for each other.. where are they getting a meal from? Honestly, that bugs me a bit. I think a changeling swearing that "we didn't feed on you." would be offensive rather than positive. I'd expect something more like "We only nibbled on what leaked out. I mean, you two are just soooooo in love, and it's sooooo tasty!" And what happens to the poor changelings now, since they've almost certainly just lost their 'job?'
I hope all of that doesn't come across as too critical though. They're nitpicks that bugged me, but all in all it was a pretty good story, and I enjoyed it. :)
My main problem with this is Bon Bon using changelings to fill in for her when she's off on secret missions... And Lyra never noticing. I mean, really? Sure, the 16 changelings may be able to communicate with each other, and so know exactly what's going on... But how can "Number One," the real Bon Bon, keep them abreast of what's happening in their lives and relationship?
Also, who would possibly think this is a good idea? "Well, I can't be at home all the time.. so I'll secretly replace myself with a changeling. Because the love of my life deserves to have me there all the time... Even if it's not really me and just a huge lie." That... would take a very strange mindset.
And if the changelings aren't feeding off of the love Lyra and Bon Bon have for each other.. where are they getting a meal from? Honestly, that bugs me a bit. I think a changeling swearing that "we didn't feed on you." would be offensive rather than positive. I'd expect something more like "We only nibbled on what leaked out. I mean, you two are just soooooo in love, and it's sooooo tasty!" And what happens to the poor changelings now, since they've almost certainly just lost their 'job?'
I hope all of that doesn't come across as too critical though. They're nitpicks that bugged me, but all in all it was a pretty good story, and I enjoyed it. :)